Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough....

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Oh Pry-

You don't seem to be aware of your own contradictory wants:

Oh Pry said:

I want to be that guy. The guy that most other guys envy like hell but wish they could spend one day in the shoes of. A guy who has his own group of cool and high status male friends along with the parties and hot girls to go with it.

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... then:

Oh Pry said:

I want to take rub my superiority and amazing lifestyle in the faces of those spoiled suburban trash that excluded me from their events in college because I was in the same fraternity as them or grew up in the same neighborhoods. Those are who I want to anger and depress.

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Wanting to help the little guy and screw over the cool kids does not make you an attractive leader candidate to the cool kids. At best, it makes you an attractive leader candidate to the little guys (who, by definition, are NOT cool and high status).

You're talking about wanting to lead the cool kids out of one side of your mouth, then wanting to trash and malign them from the other. Nobody's going to follow a guy who wants to smash him to build someone else up in his stead.

Until you love and respect and admire and want to help the "cool kids", around the cool kids you will not be.

Chase

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Wait let me clarify a few things:

1. I never really talked about leading anyone, I just want to be a part of the right and higher status social circles in my post grad years that consist of cool kids who are in their post grad years which leads me to point 2.

2. When I say the cool (in this more like formerly cool) kids I want to malign and take revenge out on, I mean the people from the past and back in my college years that denied me access to THEIR social circles and parties. Specifically, people from the exact university I went to who were having the time of their lives while I was not.

3. When I say cool kids or higher status people I want to run with or be a part of, I mean the cool kids of NOW. The cool kids of the post grad world, the ones who didn't go to my college, and the ones who aren't the ones I had issues with.

Now that narrative changes a bit. You see, now I want to run with the higher status crowds and the cool kids of the real world by being a part of their circles. In a way, being like how the higher status fraternity brothers were back in college compared to everyone else, I want to be like that now. I want to be a part of the crowd of guys that gets the nice parties and hot girls that most guys do not. At the same time, even though I'll know I am exclusively important because of being able to do these fun things, I'll do my best to be a model citizen to most people.

Yet, if I run into the same people from the past who excluded me from their parties and social circles, I want to do what Trackrunner did to the cool kids at his high school. Only in the rare chance the opportunity does come, if it doesn't, then whatever.

In general, now that I have thought about it, I just want to be a part of the social circle of higher status and cool kids of my crowd. I want to have that same feeling of being a part of an exclusive and higher status team that gets to enjoy all of the privileges of fun exclusive events, hot girls, and nice parties that most do not. I also want to go on a journey in my lifetime to find guys who are struggling and who have been through the same shit that I have, wronged by the dipshit shallow suburban trash in both high school and college, and help them. Help them after I have found a way to help myself and make something more out of myself.

Right now, this is really something I want to fix about my life.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Oh Pry,

Therapy has not worked for shit

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You probably had a shit therapist. There's a lot of them out there. Keep looking until you find a good one. I'm no expert, but I can tell that this issue runs pretty deep. A bunch of guys on the forums won't be able to figure this out for you.

I used to have ridiculously high amount of anxiety issues. I got a therapist for it. I neither trusted him enough to open up to him about my issues nor were the methods he prescribed very effective. Naturally, we got nowhere pretty quick. Years later, I looked into finding a different one. The results I got with him were far better.

If you spend the time to look into it and are patient, I'm more than willing to bet that sooner or later, you would find one who can help you with this issue just like mine helped me with my anxiety.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Oh Pry,

Alright, no more side-talk. Straight forward.

1. You're not cool enough to even be a part of the higher status crowds. Far from it.

2. Those kids are still at the top of their circles. They want nothing to do with you (as of now, where you're at socially). They are the ones who graduated from college and either got rich or joined the nightlife industry

3. Like I said, those kids who are cool now are either the kids who were formerly cool and got smart and are still cool; are now cool after much trials and tribulations (and will see you, who hasn't done their work and will disdain you for your shitty work ethic); or they are rich kids who are part of cool circles but only have pull for their wealth, and will disdain you EVEN MORE than any of these kids because they only got rich to be a part of the former 2 guys and want nothing to do with you

Let me reiterate this again, just to be absolutely and utterly clear, so you have no ambiguity about it and cannot respond to me in any other way than "fuck you" or "ok I get it; I'll get to work" -

You are not cool enough to be apart of these crowds. So long as you have the attitude you have now, you will not be be accepted into these crowds. You are too socially inept, awkward, and entitled.

Maybe in a year or two? Maybe a few? MAYBE. But if you have the attitude you have now, you can't even be a LOWER member of these groups, because they will smell your attiude a mile away.

You think the kids who are cool now are different from the ones who were cool in high school and college.


That is stupid as fuck.

And the ones who WEREN'T cool in high school/college and are COOL NOW, they want nothing to do with you (if you remain as you are now). Trust me, I'm running with those guys RIGHT NOW, POST COLLEGE. Quite literally ALL OF THEM are kids from high status high school or college situations, and I'm the only one I know of who is a high school loser (but college baller) who is a part of their crowd. And I'm not even a high ranking member - I've learned so much and been schooled extremely this past year. If I have trouble hanging with them, trust me, you can't even pass a ball in their direction.

Grow up.

You don't want to help the kids who are where you are now/used to be. That's white knight bullshit. Stop it.

Put in the work, learn social circle game, and MAYBE you can run with the high status kids.

Hector

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

@Skid,

That's the big kicker brother! Becoming process oriented and simply finding validation in committing to your process and simply improving more and more everyday! Tyler RSD has mentioned in his videos becoming process oriented rather than results oriented is a huge part to not only playing the game but succeeding in life in general!

I do understand what I need to be doing and in situations like with the soccer player... I know what I should do but I go and do the opposite sometimes, due to being unable to control my emotions and reactivity; however it has gotten better over my few months studying here at GC; I find in MOST situations like that now I can control myself because I know it's not conducive to the success (most follow the process), and while I don't have as much reference experience as more advanced guys that have been doing the same process for years; simply noticing things like: "Being unreactive and giving a day of radio silence between a second persistent text" and "Always continuing to persist in a positive manner", I've actually seen the results when following my process! I've also seen the negative results due to NOT following my process (losing good leads, becoming reactive and depressed).

Also the career focus will help me, it's relevant to Savage's post about having a stronger life goal; when I'm preoccupied and focused about going to the gym and selling houses/modeling/school I don't care as much and I've noticed I'm unreactive and rarely get depressed; just gotta get my priorities straight .

@Oh Pry,

It's really true though what Chase and Hector have talked about... even when I was at the top of my social scene "the bros" "the hot girls" "the popular kids" they could always tell there was something a little off about me (especially when I was saying dumb shit like "No Popular kids/No Jocks allowed at this party", you cannot lead a group of people if you don't give a shit about them/want to hurt them. Again the "Bitter Man" analogy struck home with me as well, I was extremely bitter and angry and it did work somewhat but never with the super hot positive framed girls and guys that I wanted (the girls I got and "cool kids" I rolled with always had some god damn issues). Negativity cannot mix with positive frames; they'll just sense something off about you.

Even if it had, it's a ton of fucking work to continuously lead a massive group like that; nobody could understand while I cut communication to the party/EDM scene and deleted my Facebook, like they legit couldn't understand because everyone was jealous of my "Amazing super fun life".

You can certainly fight your way to the top in a negative frame state like I did but you'll deal with tons of issues, secretly despise everyone you lead and a fair amount of them will still see through you. If you really want that come at it from a positive frame state first; my old business partner has an investor that needs him to run a new nightclub they're opening, he asked me to help, I finally feel ok jumping back in to the scene because I did a shit ton of work on myself and got away from hating people.

Again I'll also mention the defining fact of what you want cannot happen, even when I was at the very top; the popular kids and those who were already "High Status" did NOT give a shit about me or pay any attention to me (I'm talking about the kids from my particular high school that I graduated with and wanted to get back at. They were either super nice to me (like you'd be to an annoying little brother) or had no idea who I was. It really helps to simply instead stop worrying about these people and focus on you, BUILD YOUR SOCIAL GROUP, full of powerful people you like that have awesome parties and super hot girls (like what I'm focused on right now). On Friday night I interacted with and number closed this super hot poplar girl that was in the grade above me in high school, she didn't remember me but it was a great, positive interaction with a fair amount of light flirting. Did it go anywhere? Nope, she had no idea who I was the next day (thought I was some chick named Kait lol), but the reason I was able to have that interaction is because I don't hate girls like that anymore (or those girls in particular), had I still maintained my old mindset I'd have said some dumb shit and my nonverbals and vibe would be off; plus I'd care waaaay too much and currently be bitching somewhere in the forums about it.

I hope this helps, don't go down this road, it's not worth it (waste of time and energy). Also I had the same mentality about "Helping the little guy", you cannot be both part of the cool kid crowd while simultaneously "Helping the little guy", I'd know I tried that too.

@BBoy,

Let me know next time you're in town haha, we need to go out and run some nightgame again.

@Chase

Chase said:

Wanting to help the little guy and screw over the cool kids does not make you an attractive leader candidate to the cool kids. At best, it makes you an attractive leader candidate to the little guys (who, by definition, are NOT cool and high status).

You're talking about wanting to lead the cool kids out of one side of your mouth, then wanting to trash and malign them from the other. Nobody's going to follow a guy who wants to smash him to build someone else up in his stead.

Until you love and respect and admire and want to help the "cool kids", around the cool kids you will not be.

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Literally where I used to be at brother, wish I'd discovered GC back then; I probably wouldn't have listened at the time though but this is literally one of the biggest issues I used to have when I was running events and it tended to make me extremely disliked by certain groups.

@Hector

I'm really looking forward to reading your book when it comes out! I tend to do pretty well at Cold Approach and Online Game but Social Circle is where I'm lacking.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

So many misconceptions about cool kids on this entire thread.

From my own experience and that of many others, the cool kids change at every phase of life. I found that people who were cool at one phase of life became jaded and just stopped caring at that phase. The girls got fat and the cool guys decided to settle down and marry young. Then in college it was more of the same, the rich frat boys decided to marry in their early to mid 20s and just opt out of the game. After a while, it becomes too much and the guys just quit.

One of the huge misconception on this thread that Anatman and most of you have is that cool kids actually bring a lot to the table or are interesting people in those earlier ages. Most of them got to where they did due to a little bit of dumb luck and some of them (mainly the girls) got there by looks. After that, it was mainly lucking into the right social circles. You even had fat guys in these cool people crowds. At my university it was football players, athletes, and fraternity brothers in select fraternities that were "cool". The rest of the kids either didn't give a shit or they were just there to get a degree and get out.

Now we get to another big misconception.

Wanna know who gets high paying jobs out of college? Finance majors with high GPAs from prestigious schools, computer science guys, and engineering majors. Majority of the people in those majors did not waste their time with all of the drama in college, they couldn't afford to. Most of these are people that kept good grades, picked hard majors, and busted their ass in college so they could do well after it. The "cool kids" were too busy with their fun majors to even bother with much of anything else, they just lived in the moment.

To think that if OP is going to move high up in the post grad world and those same kids who were "cool" in college are going to be there as well is asinine. Most of the cool kids from college, assuming we're talking about party animals and such, usually don't give enough of a shit about the politics anymore.

The real world is dominated by Ivy League, Stanford, MIT, and elite institution grads. People there are not partying nearly half as hard or well in their college years as their Arizona St counterparts.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Despite OP's horrible state of mind, I do applaud him for admitting this and finally revealing a belief I long held about a lot of self-improvement sites such as this. The sites are loaded with guys who were social outcasts or not accepted by the attractive crowds in their younger years so they want to sleep around to fill that gap. Guys use game as a means of filling a gap in their life but even then, it isn't enough because that feeling of being a social outcast and being left out are still there.

OP has made considerable progress (which is one of the main reasons I am replying to this thread) in recent months but the truth is, and something that might put OP and many others at peace, is that so much of being a part of the "in crowd" at that younger age was out of your control. I saw it play out in my school years, the cool kids had parents that pushed them socially. Parents that knew the parents of other cool kids and raised their kids to be around those kids. The cool kids at my high school were jocks whose mothers went to the same high school, were good friends with the teachers, and had their kids on sports teams.

For the kid growing up in the ghetto, there was no "cool kids" crowd.

Same with college for the most part, the fraternities that were good at my university were picky about many things when it came to giving a bid. Legacies, family you came from, and that sort of thing had a big say in whether or not you got the bid.

I usually don't care about tough love but you guys are being dicks to OP for the wrong reason. You're literally putting kids who had everything roll in their favor early on in life due to good parents, good circumstances (neighborhoods and schools), and a lot other advantages; on the pedestal. The reason these kids bitch so much about life sucking after college is because before then, everything was done for them. Most of the "cool kids" never earned their spots, they simply got there through lucky circumstances.

In the real world, the cool kids earn it. They are the ones that work hard, make money, retain their good looks, join fancy social clubs they can afford to join, and make an influence on the lives of many people. At that point, the charisma and what you bring to the table matters. So find your way in life, take care of yourself, be social, move into wealthier places, make friends with the people there, and soon the social events will start rolling in. Put some pics up on social media, make them pics of hot girls and you at fun parties, it will all go away.

I promise you, even if the cool kids of your younger years do not hear about it, you can rest assured knowing that majority of them hardly amounted to that much. Most will get married or at least engaged by the age of 25, have kids, and then bitch about how life sucks so bad as an adult.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Amazing stuff on this thread. Second everything that's been said.

Oh Pry, I think the main message is that you will never get the social circle you want if you come from a frame of bitterness and revenge. I started game with the same poisonous mindset (wanting to make up for my high school years and show people that I am the shit, especially those who bullied me), and I am slowly beginning to realize that life isn't about that. Life is about bringing value to people, regardless of who they are. Until you realize this, you will never get the social circle that you want.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

I don't believe for one second what Anatman said let alone do I welcome this idea that the spoiled cool kids at my university are somehow going to be kicking ass in life. So I've been thinking about it and have decided that right now, I have to lose the revenge factor. As much as I daydream of finally looking all of those judgmental snobs from my college years in the eyes and telling them "take that bitch!", I am going to focus on me.

So, I ask this question, what makes a guy cool and higher status in the real world in regards to women and dating? How can I become that guy? What can I do or what kinds of activities can I pursue?

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Radeng:

What makes me happy? What kind of life do I want?

I want the kind of life that consists of lots of hot girls, cool party guys as my friends, tons of sex with different women, and a group of people I can rely on to go out to bars and clubs with. Hate to say it but I am not getting out of this validation trap, I want to be "the man" and the one in society who has the cool guy status. It doesn't matter what I want because what I want is that feeling of superiority and the social validation that comes with being the cool guy. Hate to say it but that is where I am in life right now, I want to be the man who is above most other guys in terms of women, social life, and partying.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

So, I ask this question, what makes a guy cool and higher status in the real world in regards to women and dating? How can I become that guy? What can I do or what kinds of activities can I pursue?

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Bro, the guy who seeks to bring positive value to people, regardless of who they are.

I'm starting to realize this myself. I used to go out and only talk to the hot girls. That's a big part of why I can never get them (cause I have them on a pedestal). Now I go out, and I still talk to the hot girls, but I also put in effort to talk to other people (regardless of how "cool" I think they are).

I just got back from a solo trip to LA and SD, and I made an effort to chat up almost everyone. You'd be surprised by how many different people from all different walks of life you can meet. If I had only talked to the hot girls and the people I judged to be "cool," I would've probably been very lonely the entire trip. Instead, I met tons of awesome people, learned a lot, and even had some people from the hostel wanting to hang out with me. All because I aimed to bring positive vibes to everyone.

It's not that hard to bring positive value to people. For example, just by smiling, saying "hi" to the cashier at the grocery store and having a quick little conversation with him/her can make his/her day. I used to never do this. I would be like "dude, that cashier chick isn't even hot, I'm just gonna stand there and say nothing and quickly grab my grocery bags and leave when she's done scanning it all. LOL. I was such a joke. That's why the recent solo trip I took shook my paradigms on life. If even the people who you don't think are "cool" don't see any value in you, how are the "cool" kids going to see value in you?

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

I don't want to be universally loved at all but since you did ask, my ideal life would have this:

1. A lot of hot girls in it, even if I am not dating them. Hot girls I am partying with, going out to bars with, going to fun events with, am associated with through social circles, and enjoy fun experiences with.

2. Cool amazing guys that love going out to bars, partying, drinking, watching movies, and enjoying life. Guys that I can rely on to be my wingman at a bar or guys that throw cool parties that have hot girls and amazing people over.

3. A life where I am not lonely on New Year's Eve or Halloween like I was in my traumatic college days. The life where I have that sense of community, friends, and a fun social circle.

4. A life where I occasionally have sex with hot girls and am meeting a lot of women who are at least above average looking.

5. A life where I am working a nice side gig like bartender or at a nightclub, enjoying crazy nights to go along with it rather than sitting home miserable. Gotta admit, this shit seems impossible to get from what I read.

So ya, my lower status in college led to me being a loner and a guy who had to do things alone or always be lonely, I no longer want that shit. I want the hot girls, the parties, the cool friends, and the fun experiences in life to share with them.

Forget revenge, as much as I hope those demonic college kids who excluded me from social events are now rotting in hell, I don't even want to think about them anymore.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Then go out and approach everyone and see who you click best with.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Oh Pry,

1. A lot of hot girls in it, even if I am not dating them. Hot girls I am partying with, going out to bars with, going to fun events with, am associated with through social circles, and enjoy fun experiences with.

2. Cool amazing guys that love going out to bars, partying, drinking, watching movies, and enjoying life. Guys that I can rely on to be my wingman at a bar or guys that throw cool parties that have hot girls and amazing people over.

3. A life where I am not lonely on New Year's Eve or Halloween like I was in my traumatic college days. The life where I have that sense of community, friends, and a fun social circle.

4. A life where I occasionally have sex with hot girls and am meeting a lot of women who are at least above average looking.

5. A life where I am working a nice side gig like bartender or at a nightclub, enjoying crazy nights to go along with it rather than sitting home miserable. Gotta admit, this shit seems impossible to get from what I read.

Click to expand...

Do you like electronic music? A lot of this can be found in the rave/music festival scene. It also carries over to the nightlife scene as well since generally the same people who go to bars/clubs also attend raves and music festivals.

- Franco

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

All this looks a lot like a good old little FOMO (Fear OF Missing Out) crisis.

A bit like the feeling you got watching on social media a friend posting about vacation in Belize: Only wonderful picture of endless beach and turquoise water… and never a mention about mosquitoes, pet cockroach bigger than a dobberman in the hotel room, lack of hot shower, complaining girlfriend and diarrhoea…

You know, people who were the cool crowd in high school were so because they felt an intolerable and excruciating urge to "fit in the molde" fuel by a fear of feeling inadequate, insufficient. If you were not among the cool crowd in your high school days, it's because you were somehow immune or protected to that intolerable fear. You are aware of that right?

Well… may be that fear now just kick in…

Anyway, here's a cool 40 something guy I met recently who had a cool trick to achieve what you're aiming for: He hang around in goth club (well any club will do, but if the crowd is specialized, it's easier to do than with the mainstream crowd bar), then by the end of the night, he throw in an after party at his place (I was invited because I was the guest DJ friend).

So he need a cool flat close to downtown, big enough to receive 10-25 persons.
He need to furnish it cool looking way.
He also need to have some friends to be the "core' of the party, his regular guests so to speak.

.. but then he's the one selecting how come and who don't (being the selector help with status), he's also the host (which mean TAKING CARE of his guest and that's very alpha).

Overall, he come across as the lord having his court.

I think it's the fastest and cheapest way to live the experience you want to live after school and college.

But you will need to start caring for people if that's you want, otherwise, people will skip your party and say "no thanks".

Oh, and by the way, cool crowd are never THAT cool… mostly, they look cool, but they seldom have that much thing going around that they have many after parties to choose from at 3 am in the morning. So it,s not that hard to have them around: just be the host.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

^ That might as well be the best and most real advice on this thread.

The thing about being cool back in high school and college was the exclusivity of it. People were forced to be around each other and as a result of that, you had the cliques develop. You were forced to watch hot girls who you wanted run in these crowds and a few guys get fun times with them. That is what hurt and that is exactly what you want, that feeling of getting it and knowing that while you are getting it, the other guy who wants it is not getting it. You want that feeling of power and superiority that comes with being the man. That feeling is hard to find in the real world now that you are no longer forced to be around so many people and constantly see them.

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Great post from Orelfius.

I'll also point out that if you like this kind of lifestyle, Alek has an excellent two-part series on finding and hosting after-parties that I thought was amazing but never achieved much attention when it was originally posted here for some reason (maybe it's too specialized for a lot of guys):

• How to Use After-Parties to Get Laid
• How to Host an After-Party (That Gets You Laid)

Chase

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Man, you can't be the cool kid in high school unless you get a time machine.
You just can't.

You CAN do it, today every day, in a different circle though.

EASILY!

Even as an introvert, I just got back from a MeetUp group where I was clearly the "leader" of our table.

Everyday you can pick a different circle, and up to you if to stick with it or not, isn't that amazing!
Well, not really, as most are saying.



P.S.: I'm a late bloomer as well, even though I'd point out sex and "validation in a group" aren't the same thing at all (funny how most thought I was having sex)

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Chase gave an amazing link to the party posts and as much as OP thinks he may want that, I think the issue is bigger than that itself.

The story goes like this:

OP was in high school, he saw other guys go to nice parties, enjoy time with hot girls, and get thought of as the cool kids while he wasn't. Same with college, he saw other guys go to fun events with hot girls and he thought of them as the cool kids, he missed out there. I think what OP really wants and needs is that sense of belonging to a group of people that has the hot girls and some of the cool guys in it. It doesn't even have to do with parties or anything, he just wants that sense of belonging.

That sense of feeling acknowledged, recognized, accepted, and belonging to that kind of a group.