Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough....

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I believe that Chase discussed this in his natural vs. PUA post a while back. How the natural gets to have all of these experiences with women at an early age like high school and college years, leaving with a high lay count along the way.

What gets me about all of this is not really the sex or anything, it is the cool factor, validation, social hierarchy, and all of that stuff associated with sex during that young age. I get laid now and have been with quite a few women ever since entering the game. I admit, it feels great and it is an amazing experience but I am slowly starting to realize that it is not enough. Deep down inside, I am angered over the fact that I was never on top of any of the social hierarchies in my school days and that the magic during those days that happened to some guys my age did not happen to me.

Even though I get laid now as a post grad, it isn't enough. I feel like I have the sex and that is it but that just leaves me in limbo.

When guys in high school and college dated or hooked up with girls, there was the drama and the validation from others in their crowd. As a guy who is out of college and the school setting, I want that drama and validation. I want the world to know that I have fucked a hot girl and I want the cool factor of dating and hooking up to happen for me. Kinda like how when a natural in high school or college was in a relationship, it was the talk of campus and there was the gossip going around.

I won't lie, I've fantasized about leading girls into a relationship and cheating on them just for the fun of it.

The more I look into it, I don't sleep around with a lot of women in order to fulfill some sexual urge, I do it for validation and an ego boost. I looked into it and it all stems back to me not being on top of any social hierarchies in my school years or getting those wild experiences that media and blogs tend to hype up. I was never validated by hot girls and cool kids in my school days which has me chasing validation now.

It's like I want more out of the game than just the sex and romance. Just hooking up with a girl, having sex, or anything of that nature is not enough. I have to have the kind of validation that came with being on top of a social hierarchy during the school days.

The obvious question from me is, how do I fix this? What can I do now?

Therapy has not worked for shit and no amount of reading about "getting over it" has worked either....

 

[Skid]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Oh pry ,

I can definitely relate to chasing validation due to being a late bloomer , although tbh I've never been big on excessive drama except for the amount people seem to need to keep interested in something. First thing I think you should look at is what type of person you are are you the type of person that wants to work really hard for a more certain promising future or do you just want instant gratification? Now obviously there is l grey areas and not just black and white here but generally people spent more of their time on one of these two sides. If you are on this forum and you worked towards this goal chances are you are in it for the long haul. The guys that do well with girls in high school don't tend to do too well afterwards in most of the areas if their life because they are content and don't see any reason to improve whats more is they often lose the "cool factor" later and settle with a less impressive life or they go in a circle and relearn what they knew before and find game l. Did you really want 5 years of fame and sex with girls and then immediately after you get kicked out of home and live in the streets?

When I was in high school I was a bit of a validation nut I was the most the flagship guy for sporting in this school (it was a small school but still the point stands). I felt like I needed to impress everyone and be the best but the truth of this is that nobody really cares - when they first meet you and they see you banging hot girls left and right yeah they'll be impressed but then over time they'll just see that as you nothing special, nothing crazy if they have any sort of self esteem/understanding that you worked hard for that skill set if they don't they will come to hate you and be jealous. I mean ask yourself this do you really care about that guy you knew in high school that Banged the girls you liked or are you indifferent? I can tell you one thing that dwelling on things you can't change is sure fire way into insanity or at least depression.

I have a question for you. Did you want drama and fame like you crave now when you first got into the game or only now that you're happy with the results you are getting and the girls you are having sex with? If you didn't then chances are this is just your brain setting another goal for you to follow since you just achieved your previous one.

However if you still want to get a taste of the drama and validation that was high school with a social hierarchy then I would strongly recommend you take up night game and go ham if you haven't. I haven't got a ton of experience myself but from what the higher ranking members on here write about it , it maybe just what you need to satisfy your hunger. Pick a popular club and meet the bouncers the manger the staff hit on girls make out with girls in the middle of the club - if you can go cold approaching and bring girls to the club with you so you have pre selection. If you can bring MORE attractive women to his venue the owner will love your guts. You may also be able to transition yourself into this with a big Facebook profile like in chases article.

Good luck

Skid

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

What I want is to feel like I am on top of a social hierarchy, which I was not back in college and high school. I want to feel like I belong to an exclusive group of guys and hot girls. I want to feel like I am a part of something exclusive and higher status in my life compared to others my age. What I want is that sense of superiority, validation, and exclusiveness. I want to feel like I am the guy in my age who has a group of friends that consist of other higher value guys and gets to do things like partying with hot girls and dating them while letting the world know it. I get to go to exclusive events with hot girls and a select group of guy friends and hot girls which most of the people my age in my area would not get to enjoy.

I want to feel above them and I know for a fact that most of the girls I knew back in high school and college whose lives are now dull will fill with anger and hatred as I live my amazing life with my clique.

Fuck, that was some deep shit dude, it really was, but that is what I want. To feel like I am a part of some higher status group of people who are above most others my age.

 

[WayOfHand]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

What is the reason for this craving? If you follow the whys I think the final answer is that you want to be happy. I can tell you already that NO external validation from any source will make you truly happy in the long run. Just as Skid pointed earlier this is just your brains next big craving after you fulfilled the last one so it can keep you believing this is what will make you happy. After you fulfill this goal there WILL be next one and you are just as unhappy as now.

What I suggest is shift your focus from external validation into internal. It is really hard and I'm struggling with it as well as we've liven our whole lives from the external. Internal is more subtle but also more stable. In stems from you bettering yourself as a person and you living in the moment. Not in the possibly brighter future that keeps fleeting from you. One book I have to mention here is the Eckhart Tolle - Power of Now. It can really change your perspective.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

It isn't even the partying then, it is this feeling that was missing from me for the most of my youth that I want right now. In terms of women, social life, and just awesomeness of my life in general I want this one feeling. I want to find the social hierarchy of the adult world, find out what kinds of people are on top of this social hierarchy, and be right there with them as majority of the guys my age who long for it don't get it. I mean in terms of women, social life/friends, lifestyle, and everything else I want to be that guy. The guy that most other guys envy like hell but wish they could spend one day in the shoes of. A guy who has his own group of cool and high status male friends along with the parties and hot girls to go with it.

There, this is how the mind of a guy who was a social outcast in his college years works like. In a way, I want this kind of a lifestyle as a form of revenge.

 

[Fuck This]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Everybody here is spittin' mad knowledge. And that pic Two Rocky just posted - hell YES.

Man, you just inspired me to write my college book even faster. It's going to cover everything you are talking about and why it's all empty drivel - vikulpa, makyo, bullshit.

But, maybe you gotta see it to know it's bullshit. I can tell you the emperor has no clothes, but until you see his naked body for yourself, you won't believe me.

I'll show you, bro beans.

Hector

 

[Skid]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

I want to be that guy. The guy that most other guys envy like hell but wish they could spend one day in the shoes of. A guy who has his own group of cool and high status male friends along with the parties and hot girls to go with it.

See the issue here is that you want people to envy you but the only people that are going to envy you are the ones that are actually like you the ones with the same mindset that they have to be better than everyone else and make every else feel like shit. It doesn't matter how much you try you aren't going to even touch the guys that are "above you" that you want to hurt so bad because they have a better more productive mindset than you and they don't give a flying fuck what you do with your life because they are content with theirs and working towards goals that make them content. They are more concerned with what they are doing and have no idea what you are doing. Change your mindset : whenever you see a guy that is cool and successful instead of hating on him admire him and try to copy the characteristics you like about him.

There, this is how the mind of a guy who was a social outcast in his college years works like.

There are plenty of guys who have felt like outcasts but have learned the healthier mindset I'm one of them. This is your choice.

In a way, I want this kind of a lifestyle as a form of revenge.

The thing about revenge and using it as a form on motivation is really it only hurts you. All those sleepless nights you have thinking plotting on how you are going to get back at those people who "made you feel like shit" is what is making YOU lose sleep and is putting YOU in a shitty mood sprinkled with bitterness. Meanwhile take a peek at the guys you are busy hating : they sleep like babies that have just had a glass of warm milk and don't even know how troubled you are much less actually care that you are troubled. It all comes back to the law of least effort - you are expending all this mental energy and in obtaining something from the past / superficial in nature. Truth is YOU are the one that is making you feel like you have to get revenge and you have to make everyone around you feel like less its just a mindset which you are fully in control of changing and only you can decide to change that. It doesn't matter how to much logical sense what I'm writing makes here you have to switch from your emotional brain (which by the sounds of it is obsessed with revenge) to your logical one because that's the only way you can make rational decisions.

In someways you succeeding at game with this mindset like radeng has said has only reinforced this way of thinking...

But like everyone here is saying you probs have to do it to believe it in which case you have nothing more to discuss and go hit the night life because really that's your only shot at the social hierarchy you speak of.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Bro this post almost made me cry because it's the exact way I'm currently feeling... I've already been with 79 different girls, but because I was unpopular in high school (not even unpopular, basically bloody invisible) I CONSTANTLY SEEK VALIDATION FROM WOMEN AND OTHER GUYS! Hell just by saying I've been with 79 women I'm seeking validation from you guys (and you can tell)!

Like... I'll tell you from my journey it means nothing, I ran a pretty big Rave/Nightclub Company with 150 people working under me at the age of 20 (started at 19), the reason I did that........ because I was seeking validation. That's why I got into "Game", that's why I started partying and running shit with it; didn't matter how many girls I got, how cool and jocky/popular my mates were, I got better and better but I was still needy AS FUCK (and still currently am).

That feeling you have? It's a black hole, it never changes regardless of how powerful your social cred gets (Mine was incredibly high when I was running the massive "Project X Parties" and it never consistently helped my mindset because it can't, other people can never change YOU), no matter how many girls you get, there's just no end to it. I've dated models and it meant nothing (and I lost them because I was needy and they could sense it). I talk about Game all the time at school and all the girls I fuck and hookup with (yes they're true stories but it literally makes my social cred a shit ton worse and makes me look bad), why do I do it? I'm seeking validation, I've literally had to stop myself from opening my mouth at times because I know it's not conducive to my success.

The "Revenge" mindset also I understand, when I first started running massive house parties I used to legit post SIGNS on the doors that said and I quote "No Jocks or Popular Kids are allowed in this party", I had a "Burn List" (which meant they couldn't get into our events) for all the girls that rejected me/wouldn't go out with me; I fucking kid you not dude it made my social rep a fucking nightmare, if I hadn't acted like that? I'd be a ton more popular now and have those top level friends (though my friends are still part of that "Popular crowd" they're not the top ranked event types in the city that hold that wildest parties and get the 9's and 10's, I'm still down with the 7's and 8's because of my former negative rep), I thought I was cool and taking revenge on the guys/girls that didn't give me a chance in high school but guess what the worst part is? Even though I got pretty big after high school those exact kids STILL DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ME or when we run into each other at the bar are super nice to me because why? THEY DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT MY REVENGE OR ME BEING ANGRY AT THEM!!!

Change your mindset brother, I'm currently forcing myself to change from seeking extrinsic value to seeking intrinsic value from myself only and not worrying about what other people think of me.

I think you're also Indian, like me. PM me if you need any help; I understand your pain and I'm here, trust me I get it.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

OP - yep, it's your ego. Cool that you've identified the real issue, because with this awareness (and if you truly believe it) you can actually move forward to resolve the ways you feel.

A lot of late game players come to this conclusion after they've already run through the whole gamut and gotten to the top. Mystery, Neil Strauss, Roosh V, just to name a few. You can bang 1000 girls by running the best X or Y game and steal girlfriends from guys, have threesomes, and even ruin the lives of the women you date (for the sake of getting revenge against different women from earlier in your life) and yet after all this I can almost guarantee you'll feel either the same or worse about yourself.

The real issue is that you're seeking the answers and validations outside of yourself - through more women, more vengeance, more whatever...

But the answers and peace that you seek is actually WITHIN you. And that's a real bitch, because it means you need to come to peace with the past, forgive those that wronged you, and find a healthy relationship with the world and it's women and people. In other words, unconditional love and respect.

And I don't mean letting others walk all over you either. It's finding that strength within to know your own standards and limits - whatt you will and will not accept, and also knowing the power of giving to others - forgiveness, love, and respect.

It's like I want more out of the game than just the sex and romance. Just hooking up with a girl, having sex, or anything of that nature is not enough. I have to have the kind of validation that came with being on top of a social hierarchy during the school days.

The obvious question from me is, how do I fix this? What can I do now?

Find your life mission and purpose. Find your inner peace. It's going to take a while and it won't come easy, but once you have and achieve this you won't need to seek it in other people. And usually the people that have this quality are absolutely magnetic - and by that very nature they achieve the status that you speak of here:

What I want is to feel like I am on top of a social hierarchy, which I was not back in college and high school. I want to feel like I belong to an exclusive group of guys and hot girls. I want to feel like I am a part of something exclusive and higher status in my life compared to others my age. What I want is that sense of superiority, validation, and exclusiveness. I want to feel like I am the guy in my age who has a group of friends that consist of other higher value guys and gets to do things like partying with hot girls and dating them while letting the world know it. I get to go to exclusive events with hot girls and a select group of guy friends and hot girls which most of the people my age in my area would not get to enjoy.

Internal validation > External Validation. Because the latter can always disappear.

 

[Richard]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Looks like you're still playing the victim, Oh Pry.

 

[HellAtlantic]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

I agree with you Oh Pry. First off you can only do what makes you happy so in the end most of the advice in this thread is pseudo philosophical drivel. Being able to bang lots of girls doesn't qualify anyone as a master at life so no one here is your superior and can tell you that you're wrong for thinking this way. Everyone here seeks external validation on some level so you aren't any worse off - in fact at least you admit it. I seek validation and constantly need my ego to be fed. It's who I am. It's what drives me. I'm 38 and have been in a LTR for quite a few yr's and normally by this age is when guys start to let themselves go physically. I am in my absolute physical prime. I get looks and smiles from so many girls. That attention is what keeps me going to improve. I'd personally rather jack off and eat Cheetos while watching Netflix all nite but I diet and workout constantly in order to improve myself where others let themselves go.

You are lamenting lost time. You are like me. An example would be like this - have you ever seen a girl on campus that you just wanted to bang so bad. And you pass each other every so often saying hi or smiling at each other but you just couldn't pull the trigger. Then after a long time, maybe as you become a senior and realize your college career is coming to a close, you get the balls to strike up a convo with her. She's very receptive, you go to a party and long story short you end up banging. After you've pounded her pussy she says "omg I've wanted you to bang me for so long". That pang you feel in your heart at that moment is what you're feeling now. The realization that you could've been banging this hot college girl for yrs and you think about everything you've missed out on. How many orgasms could she have had from your cock? How many friends could she have introduced you to because of social validation? You regret missing out. That's what you're feeling now and no one here can tell you you're wrong. That regret, that need for validation is what caused you to find a site like this and improve yourself. The end result is all that matters. You're here now. You know how precious time is because you realize you wasted a lot of it but your ego and need for external validation has caused you to reach the peak of your sexual game.

You're in the "better late than never" phase and that's just as good as "been crushing it all along" phase that naturals get to enjoy at a much earlier stage of their life. But you're here now! You're not alone, brother. Focus on what is to come rather than what has come to pass. I wish you much luck and fortune in life Oh Pry.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

I agree with you Oh Pry. First off you can only do what makes you happy so in the end most of the advice in this thread is pseudo philosophical drivel. Being able to bang lots of girls doesn't qualify anyone as a master at life so no one here is your superior and can tell you that you're wrong for thinking this way. Everyone here seeks external validation on some level so you aren't any worse off - in fact at least you admit it. I seek validation and constantly need my ego to be fed. It's who I am. It's what drives me.

LOL WHAT?

That's not what we're saying at all, man. I don't know where you read THAT, but we're saying something very different.

We're saying it's a empty goal - he's going to be disappointed.

Why?

Because I've been the dude he's talking about wanting to be. Most popular guy on campus, one of the highest lay counts, most friends, most connections, etc. And I still felt shitty - it didn't solve my problem.

But as i said in my response, maybe he has to see it for HIMSELF to believe it. He needs to go to the top of the mountain, feel the energy, and then realize it's not what he thought it was. Now, if someone HASN'T been on the top of the mountain (and it sounds like you haven't either), then THAT'S a fair argument - "you don't know what you're talking about." But we all have desires and what we find everytime we get it is that it wasn't what we THOUGHT it was. Some desires are more gratifying than others, but in the end it's still just air. The degree to which you give authority to a person is up to you, but I've been that guy - it's not pseudo-philosophical nonsense. It was my life.

But you do have an interesting point - use that energy as fuel. Better late than never, RIGHT. I like that part.

But do listen to the advice given, Oh Pry - it will serve you well to realize that at the end of the tunnel, you're still in the same realm of existence as you were before.

Want to know why? Because that's the difference between the guy's who try to live in their glory days for the rest of their lives (cool kids in high school who never leave town or college guys who keep coming back as often as they can to revel in their popularity) and the ones who go beyond. If Oh Pry is aware that it's all egotistical nonsense, but DOES IT ANYWAY, he just might be that guy who makes it to the top of the mountain, comes back down and says "that was cool" and then goes to do something else, rather than climbing it a hundred times to keep getting a rush that fades by the 2nd or 3rd time, but he's so infatuated by the idealism of it that he stays trapped in the Golden Age Fallacy.

Hector

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

That is where you guys are wrong, it isn't about the pussy at all. I know I can date hot girls and sleep around with them, but I don't just want that. As a matter of fact, I could do with having less partners and just being monogamous.

What I want is that feeling of being a part of an objectively superior crowd. That feeling of being on top of a social hierarchy of people while others in my situation are below me. That feeling of knowing me and my friends (which is a mix of guys and girls) are the cool kids that run things, are important, have amazing lives, and majority of the people our age are below us. Yet, I do want revenge. I want revenge of feeling superior to those back in college who made me become a social outcast.

Trackrunner hit the point hard and expressed my desire. I want my own social events where I call in cool kids from various places except the place that I went to college in. I want that feeling of superiority to where I can say "this is me and my friends (superior) and this is you people (inferior)".

I don't even want it against any cool kid my age or currently in college. I want it against the kids I was forced to deal with in university who denied me access to their parties, social events, and at times disrespected me.

Fuck....

This is so much but it isn't just about the sex. As a matter of fact, I doubt it is even a bit about the sex....

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

It means nothing bro and it won't help. Trust me I know, I STILL even now suffer form validation needs from women and social circles; and it's because I have never fixed this issue.

I just fucked up an amazing lead 10 minutes ago because "She didn't send me a smiley face when she said she'd go out with me", beautiful blonde 18 year old soccer player who's insanely hot, she's on vacation and that's probably why she wasn't really responding, but I went and came off hella needy and fucked it up, trust me it's because of that same issue you have (external validation seeking).

I also have extreme trouble with "Deep Diving" and emotionally connecting in general because I'm so ridiculously self centered (and not in an attractive way, in a needy way), if you don't fix the internal issue you are having within yourself this will hurt you for the rest of your life; whether you're getting girls or not you'll never be satisfied (again not in a good way, like Hector's "Approach Addiction", it will come off needy).

You can take my advice or not, I've been at the top like that (not in the same sense as Hector, at a college, but in the top of an event EDM company); literally did nothing for me, it's a black hole that never changes. Why do you think I had to come here to learn Game? I'm needy and desperate AF and it stems from my past as being that unpopular shy kid, except I was going about fixing it in the wrong way.

Also if you want to be monogamous... my current issue is failing to emotionally connect, you may not have the same particular issue but trust me this external validation seeking will not allow you to garner a good GF; I can't find one and I go out with 10-15 new girls every 2 weeks.

 

[Skid]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

It means nothing bro and it won't help. Trust me I know, I STILL even now suffer form validation needs from women and social circles; and it's because I have never fixed this issue.

stems from my past as being that unpopular shy kid, except I was going about fixing it in the wrong way

I think this is an issue that lots of the intermediate guys struggle with. That we focus on the results and not on the process that we only find validation in the results. You can't just be happy with yourself at any given time no matter what you are doing because that's how you stop moving forward and improving yourself. I really think the key here is as usual the middle ground : FIND VALIDATION IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING FORWARD . The last couple weeks of my life have been some of the happiest for a long time since I took up this mindset. Because when you let your happiness and source of validation be something that is more that 100% out of your control : how many girls you sleep with , how many cool friends do you have , do you have an amazing girlfriend , your past where you were too shy to talk to people (these are things were you can have a large influence on but things can happen outside your control , maybe you can't find cool people , maybe you can't find girls who you can relate too , you can't change the past etc) then you end up chasing validation indefinitely in this state of limbo.And then even when you achieve the goal suddenly your happy for a small period of time but then it all goes away as your brain creates another goal that is the "secret to your happiness".

What I'd also like to add to this is focus on the process of multiple things not just girls and social skills - but your career or hobbies sports as well if you do them. This makes it even easier to focus on the process of learning something. Because as I found out the hard way if you focus on one thing for too long then you just go backwards and only focus on the results because the process of ONE thing is not enough to keep most people occupied.

I just fucked up an amazing lead 10 minutes ago because "She didn't send me a smiley face when she said she'd go out with me", beautiful blonde 18 year old soccer player who's insanely hot, she's on vacation and that's probably why she wasn't really responding, but I went and came off hella needy and fucked it up, trust me it's because of that same issue you have (external validation seeking).

When the girl doesn't send a smiley you say to yourself oh well , I did what I logically could as far as my understanding allows me to maximize this girls attraction for me there is something else out of my control. You already know its probably because shes on vacation : its time to focus on the process of something else. Stop beating yourself up for things you can't control. You can't force her to send a smiley face.

Also if you want to be monogamous... my current issue is failing to emotionally connect, you may not have the same particular issue but trust me this external validation seeking will not allow you to garner a good GF; I can't find one and I go out with 10-15 new girls every 2 weeks.

Even this here is focusing on results. Stop counting how many girls you dated or whatever this is what is fueling your external validation craving. Slowly I'm adapting the mindset of : "I met a bunch of girls today - can't really remember how many tbh we didn't really connect so I didn't move things forward". Your results should be a result of your great process if that makes sense. I mean does it really matter if you get x amount of dates per week? Not really if you didn't really like the girls no one needs to have 4 dates a week with new girls to be happy like if you say that to your average person they will be shocked and amazed at that number : that in itself is seeking external validation because you want to be able to say I GET 4 DATES PER WEEK . I found that I was just asking dates for the sake of it. Which is fine when you need practice and you are starting out because its the results that are the issue you never get dates or girls interested in you but once you start making the transition over to intermediate or you are only focusing on results then you need to focus on the process. And again even saying my goal is to emotionally connect is the wrong mindset that's focused on the result. Because sometimes no matter what you do no matter how hard you try you will simply not be able to emotionally connect with someone for xyz reason out of your control. Instead you should be like I'm going to work on the things that help me emotionally connect with people such as relating and stories NOT the actual outcome which is an emotional connection. Which is something I really should have pushed harder when I read your post from before.

This is how you crush external validation seeking.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

I must say as someone having this exact same issue, what is the social hierarchy of the post grad and real world like?

I mean lets face it, even if he went back to college and fucked a ton of sorority sisters, he would still feel something missing. It won't be the same as being 18 and doing it with the same sorority sister while having it all.

So, what are the cool kids doing at 25 and 30? What differentiates the cool kids from the losers at that age?

I'd say if guys like us can find the right crowd at 25 or 30, find out what most of the successful and amazing people are doing at that age, and absolutely wreck it, I would say that solves the entire problem right there. Imagine it like sports, you might not have won the state championship in high school or in the NCAA but you can still win the pros when you're 30!

Lets find our professional sport rather than being older guys playing in the NCAA.

 

[Savage]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

You want a feeling but can't have it, which is making you depressed about it. You wanted to be popular back then -> you know you can't change that -> this causes neediness which causes you to feel helpless -> helplessness causes depression.

You are right, no amount of reading or thinking will solve this. You need to do something. Here are options:

1. Develop a stronger life mission. If you had a stronger life mission, you wouldn't be complaining about the dinks that slighted you back then, that didn't let you into their cool crowd. You would be too focused on your own mission to focus on the past. The choice here is to realize that being part of the cool crowd isn't that great since it has no tangible benefit, only emotional, which is fleeting.

2. Go full tilt, full swing, into developing the most badass social circle, social game, squad of swagged mother fuckers. To do this, you can either befriend college frat guys and try to be the outsider invited into the cool group. Or to really break in to the cool group "that matters" (at least, that people think matter more than anybody else), you need to move to Los Angeles or New York, get rich however you can, befriend the socialites and celebrities around, and use that power and money to make friends that you think are cool. Then, you can decide if the cool crowd is really your thing once and for all.

Basically, your choices are to believe that your problem is your own mind and ego tricking you into obsessing over this when it's really not worth it, or choose to become rich and powerful so you can get what you want here, which is to be in a cool group. If you're going for option 2 and truly believe that a cool group will make you feel better in the end, you better square up to be a part of the coolest group, because even befriending popular college guys won't be enough, since you'll come to realize that they too are not all that and that there's even better out there.

Like you said your problem is validation. The answer is to do something about it. The answer is either going to be learn it's not what you want, do it and realize it is what you want, or do it and hit a brick wall realizing that it's not what you want. This is all advice quoted from various Chase articles, nothing new. Good luck.

 

[Chase]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Let me play a little devil’s advocate here.

Oh Pry wants this, very bad. He wants to be the Big Man on Campus. He wants to be the Alpha Male of the cool social group.

A lot of guys here are giving this advice: dude, don’t waste your time, it won’t fulfill you, it isn’t worth it. And then they say here’s how I know: I did it myself.

I would ask, however: if before you did it someone told you it was not worth it, would you have listened?

The book Siddhartha by Herman Hesse spends an entire novel building up to this phenomenon as its climax. I don’t want to spoil it too much for anyone who hasn’t read it, but Siddhartha (Buddha) basically goes and lives a very full life, does everything under the sun, and finally realizes that true contentment and tranquility comes in quiet contemplation and letting go of wants and needs. His son comes of age, and he tries to impart this knowledge, and convince his son to join him in quiet contemplation and letting go of wants in needs, but his son brushes off this counsel and embarks on a journey just like Siddhartha’s erstwhile wanderings, off in search of fulfillment a life complete. And Siddhartha smiles quietly, because he realizes maybe it’s essential you have this journey before you’re able to reach that point where you can look back and say, “That stuff is all unnecessary.”

I discussed a similar phenomenon in my article “The Civilized Man.”

I’ll tell you myself, personally, I care not for being at the top of the social hierarchy… but until I found myself at the top of a high caliber social hierarchy, I always kind of felt this nagging doubt. Like, can I really do it? Can I TRULY make it to the topic, and command that kind of sway and respect?

And then once I got there, I was like oh, this is pretty dumb. The only thing these people care about is if I can continue to keep this group together and keep the good times rolling. Gets you some girls, sure, but work-to-lay ratio is not remotely worth it if you know cold approach, and all the other limitations of social circle apply x10, since you’re the leader and have to put the group first (unless you don’t WANT to be the leader anymore). But, now I get to say yeah, I can rock it and own a social scene, and now that I’ve done it, I know it’s not really worthwhile for me and couldn’t care less about it.

Had I not done it though, I’d always feel that little nagging doubt in my heart.

That said, Oh Pry, I will tell you why everyone else is annoyed with your posts about this: it’s because those of us who have led know you’re nowhere near being ready for it. And thus, you won’t get it. You’re wasting your time, your breath, and our patience whining about not having it.

We see a guy chasing hard after something we’ve ditched as lame, and he isn’t even making strides to get it, he’s just whining about how lucky the guys who have it are and how he wishes he could have it and how if he had that power he’d totally abuse it and cheat on girls and make people regret not being all about him when he wasn’t alpha.

Here’s the deal with being the alpha: the alpha male TAKES CARE OF the other people in his group.

The alpha male looks out for, protects, builds up, and cares about the others in his group. They are his subjects, his family, his friends, and his children. He may be an asshole to outsiders, but NOT to his people.

This is totally, completely opposite to your intentions (as of now). You think other people can’t tell this? People aren’t fools. They know if a guy’s trying to provide value to them, or if he’s trying to suck it away.

Nobody wants to follow a man who aims to use him.

A few suckers will be fooled by such a guy trying to grasp the alpha role, but everyone else bails on that like a waterlogged ship.

You can get some girls as the bitter guy, because you can learn to leverage scarcity or find the girls who are not as good at reading people. You cannot get an entire social group to make you the alpha as the bitter guy though, unless it is a tiny group and it is largely full of either other bitter people, or people who are all terrible at reading others (i.e., not hot girls or cool guys).

You will never be the alpha male until you set find a noble reason to be it. Scheming and sucking is incompatible with a role as the alpha. The alpha is a bringer-together, not a tearer-aparter.

You are not ready to be the alpha male. Not yet.

Keep working on yourself. Once you get your mind right, you may get your chance.

Right now, you are not close to being ready. You need internal work first.

Chase

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Being a late bloomer has me chasing drama, validation, and sex isn't enough.

Chase, I think you might have misread my intentions. Yes, I am bitter and want revenge but in the way that Trackrunner talked about in his post.

By nature, I am usually a friendly guy and I can hold my frame. I've managed to take easily to rejections from girls which has led to the success I've had with them recently. Unfortunately, it isn't about the rejections, it is about the feeling of being robbed. In college, I wanted to be that guy who went on fun spring break trips with party loving friends and get invited to the exclusive parties. I tried to be friendly with these people but man, that hostility was a bitch.

Do I hate people? No.

Am I going to take my anger out on society? No.

The thing is, what I want is not what you're saying I want. I want to have my group of higher status friends. As a matter of fact, I'll be more than okay than not being the leader, I just want to belong to that group. Then I want me and my group to be the one that is superior to most other groups at our age. We are having the experiences, parties, and other things that people our age desperately want. I know that a lot of those former frat shits in college will fill with rage when they see me kicking ass in life by having a life that has hot girls, nice parties, and higher status friends. Even if I am not having sex with most of those hot girls, I want to send the message that my clique is well above yours and you are below me.

Ya, I am cool enough to want it but that is what I want. Quite frankly, it isn't about being a leader, it is about associating with the higher status crowds at my age but for the love of fucking god I cannot find those crowds right now. I want to play those status games and constantly put some of the people from my past below me. I want to feel like I am a part of an exclusive clique in terms of girls, parties, and social life that most guys will never get to be a part of.

Wanna know something else Chase?

I want to fight for the little guy.

I want to stick up for the loner in college who could not get girls because daddy didn't pay thousands of dollars for him to be in a frat.

After I have established my supremacy, I want to go around and change lives of struggling guys who were robbed of experiences because of where they came from.

I want to help that guy who was bullied growing up and turn him into a winner, what good do I get by feeling superior to that guy?

No, I want to take rub my superiority and amazing lifestyle in the faces of those spoiled suburban trash that excluded me from their events in college because I was in the same fraternity as them or grew up in the same neighborhoods. Those are who I want to anger and depress.