Y's journal: Building game into life

[Merchant's-Kin]

Update:

Ok so there are now quite a few tasks relating to PUA that I have to get done:
1. Come up with a date script, start a date journal and post my date script there
2. Come up with a better approach schedule
3. Get better at using pre-opening, and prolonging conversation. The way in which I am going to get better at prolonging conversations is through getting better at conversational skills. I will do this by reading conversation articles on Girlschase.
4. Write another much shorter field report.
5. Continue watching on Daygame by Todd. So far have only watched about 20-25% of the series

Achievements:
Made a summary of how to text girls from Ricardus's articles.
Managed to do 4 approaches (this is 4 interactions of 2 minutes or longer) in the same outing. Out of these, I got 2 phone numbers, one girl seems quite interested.
The abundance mindset. I feel like I jumped a level because I took the time to understand this concept.
From the gruelling period of Corona lockdown, and how I still went out and tried my best to approach almost everyday. I now handle rejection and blow-offs really well. It takes about 3-4 bad rejections/ blow-offs to significantly influence my mood and performance.

NOW things are looking up. MY country is opening up again. I'll take the lessons I learnt over the past 2.5 months ONLY and become a person I never imagined I would become.

 

[Mr STIF]

Please download keys of daygame pickup 1 and 2. Austin Summers.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Hey bro,

Was working on date and getting used to new opening-up-from Corona circumstances

Thanks for the advice @Mr STIF . I'll spend some time to check it out.

Ok just found it on youtube

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

OK so just went on my first date from cold approach and that was a great experience!

However, my cold approach still needs a lot of working on. This is what I'm going to do for the next week to adapt to new circumstances since my country has opened up shops and malls from Corona lockdown.

Day Game plan:
The only time I ever get out of the house is when I buy dinner and run errands. I don't even run errands all that often.
For the past week, the only thing I have been thinking about at all is PU, PU and PU. And I really have to get back to focus on other work.
I, however, have not seriously tried actually incorporating approaching into my daily life.
A lot of the times when I did actually try approaching when I ran errands, there was no plan for it. Like, if I'd see a girl, I would approach her. But there's no minimum criteria for myself. So now that's what I am going to create:

Rules
There can only be one INTERACTION per shopping mall per outing. Don't want to be banned by security. No limit on the street. Just number-closing. No insta-dating.

Activities
Buying, eating and then coming back from dinner
Throughout this process, I can make an approach anytime, even while I'm eating dinner
I have to get 1 approach done before I start going to get dinner.
While eating dinner, I don't have to do any approaching, but I can if it comes
After eating dinner, I have to do 3 approaches before I start the process of heading back home

Activities where there exists a deadline at the start of the activity (E.G. Meeting friends, bank appointment)
I will reach the destination as long as I need before the start of the activity
I will do 1 approach before I get to doing my activity. If I fail to do 1 approach, I will find a friend and pay him/her 5.00 in my currency (worth a meal)
Once the activity ends, at the end of the activity, I will do 3 approaches before heading home.

Activities where there exists a deadline at the end of the activity:
If the activity ends at my house. Then no approaching.
If the activity ends somewhere other than my house. Before heading home, I will make 3 approaches

Previous standard for an approach:
Having a 2 minute conversation with a girl

Current standard for an approach:
1. Every approach has to be recorded by my phone, if I forgot to turn on my recorder before I approached, I will not consider it an approach
2. Every approach has to start with a pre-open. If I do not pre-open, I will not consider it an approach
3. The conversation has to last 4 minutes or longer
4. I have to indicate to the girl during the conversation in some way that I will not date her if she does not fulfill one of these non-physical criteria:
a. Great depth
b. Likes to have extreme fun
c. Willing to get her hands dirty
d. Open-mindedness
e. Rebelliousness

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Status update:

Still feeling very happy about learning pickup and this week's training on using pre-openers has been going quite well. I use pre-openers, about 75% of the time when I approach. I can't quite measure how well it goes unfortunately, but I'm glad that I'm using it so much more.
I'm mostly using arm taps and glance-and-smiles (For anyone reading this, glance and smile works even with masks on)

Some kinds of thought control that I've been introducing:
I've followed Rob's advice on EP's journal to have a rubber band on my hand at all times and snap that rubber band everytime I catch myself thinking a thought that is bad for my learning.
This helps me control myself when I perform some bad habits:
1. Think back to past interactions whether good or bad. The key thing to do here is to let my muscles, vocal chords, body remember the interaction but not get too excited or down about how any particular interaction went. Thinking too much about my past interactions has been fuelling my anxiety. I'm still not sure how to beat my anxiety because it's really still there.
2. Thinking and worrying or dreaming about pickup whenever I should be focussing on other work. Because I'm locked indoors for most of day, this gets a lot of anxiety in me by the time I get out of the house in the evening to do pickup. Not thinking about pickup during my non-pickup hours has helped a bit with my anxiety.

I'm now going to create a better schedule for pickup and integrating pickup into my life:
I usually do work everyday from about 8am-5pm and get out of bed at about 630-7am
From about 5pm-11pm, the whole pickup learning schedule is completely disorganized. There is no consideration given to:
1. Writing field reports
Thoughts on field report writing:
Even with the pre-openers, I'm getting girls really trying to get away from me, even though I can tell that I melted a lot of their defense with a some quite genuine direct openers just from the way they are looking at me. I believe that once I can get my conversation game higher I'll start getting more of theese girls to stay and chat
Not sure whether I should document the interactions where I get blown off, it would be amazing if could decrease the blow-off rate because well no shit. I don't think I need to document these for now, it should get better once I start actively focussing on my conversation.
Honestly, now that I've been using pre-openers much more consistently, I have noticed that the girls who just completely blown me off, are the ones who I did not use a pre-opener with for some reason or another
This is not to say that the girls who I pre-opened are not at all trying to get away from me but I noticed a great deal of more hesitation in just trying to get away from me in girls who I pre-opened as compared to girls who I did not pre-open.

I am also going to write a list of all the interactions that I'm missing due to some gray-area excuses that I have been making for myself: That should force me to go for more opportunities

2. Catching up on content that I need to catch up on
I've only watched the first 20-25% of daygame by Todd V. Time to watch up to the first half.
I have to post a date script on my dates journal.

3. Performing non-in-field activities that improve my game
The main one I'm thinking of is trying out Richard's helpful practices for opening from the Best of the Beginner's board. Not sure how long it's going to take to write out such an imaginary conversation. Tomorrow is a Friday. I'm going to take 1-2 hours out of my work time to try to write out such an imaginary conversation.
I'll see how long it takes to sustain such an activity and that following that have some kind of schedule where I'm doing this once every 2-3 days

Proposed schedule:
Monday


Tuesday


Wednesday


Thursday


Friday
3 hrs cold approaching and dinner
3 hrs review and studying

Saturday


Sunday



Additional tasks:
Rewrite my standard for a cold approach

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Ok so some of my cold approaches are really getting better. I'm using the arm tap and glance and smile like hell. And man it has an impact. So glad that I'm training pre-openers hard. Also found a fantastic location for doing night time daygame on Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays.

As for my conversations I'm starting to be able to be myself a bit more but that also means less dominant and less rugged. But I'm really able to see that girls like my personality a lot. That unfortunately may not be the best for sex but we'll see. For some reason, the certainty in the language that I'm using is improving quite a bit.

Achievements over the past few weeks:
1. Anxiety can be said to have shrunk from about on average 100% to about 80%.
2. I've managed to get the pre-openers down
3. More and more better conversations
4. Total number of phone numbers has reached 20 perhaps

New standard for a cold approach
1. Every approach has to be recorded by my phone, if I forgot to turn on my recorder before I approached, I will not consider it an approach
2. Every approach has to start with a pre-open. If I do not pre-open, I will not consider it an approach
3. The conversation has to last 4 minutes or longer
That's it for now, the things that I will now start to work on are conversation and perhaps some sort of push-pull? I'm not fully sure.

Plan for taking mental breaks from approaching when I'm out in the field:
When I take a break from approaching, I will find a place and have the discipline to sit down for 10 mins, and not think about anything. If a cute girl walks past, I am not going to approach her. This is part of the abundance mentality. I don't have to worry that much about approaching all the cute girls I see. There are just too many of them for me to approach all of them!

Plan for cold approaching:
There is a major lack of discpline in terms of me keeping track of how many approaches I've already done that day and whether it's actually time for me to stop. I can accept this since I am already clouded with so many thoughts when I'm out doing daygame. We'll see whether this lack of accounting does harm over the next few weeks.

Situations that I'm avoiding because I'm making excuses for myself:
1. Whenever I feel like I'm doing something out in the field, like texting a girl or thinking about where to go next, it becomes an excuse not to approach a girl who I see. Solution: Every time this happens, I will find some way to go and open/pre-open the girl, if I do not end up pre-opening/opening even if it's because I have already done too many approaches in the same shopping mall. I will deduct 5.00 from my bank account
2. The girl is squeezed in the middle of a very large crowd. It looks like I'm chasing her right from the get go. And I will have the huge anxiety of people in the crowd watching me. Solution: Quickly come up with a direct opener/a cold-read and then use the arm-tap pre-opener and try it out.
If I feel like I hesitated for too long because I was not able to come up with the determination fast enough though I should have been able to suck that one up. Then I will take 5.00 from my bank account.
3. The girl who I am currently approaching already saw me approach another girl. Solution: If I like her, just go and approach her and talk to her and give her genuine interest. There's nothing wrong with being genuinely interested in 2 girls at the same time. Once again, if I unreasonably fail to brave this, I will deduct 5.00 from my bank account.
4. Two different girls right next to each other are both giving me IOIs. Solution: Obviously just pick one of them. But which one? For now, what I will do is pick the girl that I am more attracted to and can genuinely give her my interest. Once again, if I unreasonably fail to brave this, I will deduct 5.00 from my bank account.
5. When I question whether I really like the girl. This is stupid because I have no experience so there's no way I'll no whether I like the girl based on just looks. Solution: Same thing. Being unsure whether I like the girl doesn't count. Just go talk to her and find out about her. It's my job to get her to open up to me. If I make the excuse that I'm not sure whether I like the girl and as a result do not approach again, I will deduct 5.00 from my bank account.

This does not apply to girls who are in groups, I only approach girls who are alone because I have no ability to handle 2+ people scenarios. I will get into that soon enough though.

Tomorrow, I will post here how much money I have deducted from my bank account. I will later go to the bank to draw that exact sum of money in small notes. And immediately tip the waiters and service staff.

I'm actually really unwilling to start forking out money to punish myself for not approaching but I think I'll try that for now with a cap of 100.00 in my currency. I will reevaluate how much I'm willing to burn . But it's good because this is a really painful punishment. What I'm going to do with the money is instead of paying a friend I will split it up into small notes and use it to tip waiters and bartenders in the areas where I do daygame.

The thing about punishing myself for not meeting certain approach standards is that so many things can go wrong such as a particular conversation not going well. But I can punish myself for not having the balls to make certain kinds of approaches.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

The amount of money I lost yesterday: 20.00
The amount of money I lost today: 5.00

So what I realised I need to be doing is comign up with some kind of plan for my game such that I'm not absolutely exhausted by the time I'm doing my reflections. I'm always writing my reflections at 9-11pm at night after a full day of work and 3-4 hours of daygame and I really don't even have the energy to think about anything at all.

Been at least 7-8 weeks since I first had this but I had a another bout of bitterness and victim mentality. Not as bad as what I had last time thanks to reading the traveller's gift and having a much stronger mind than I had 7-8 weeks ago.

What I'm definitely going to need right now are:
1. A better plan for reflecting on how my approaches went
2. Some kind of additional thought control
3. Restrictions on the kind of content that I allow myself to be exposed to
4. Some kind of approach to somehow seeing how I can make the whole process more enjoyable for myself. I'm always very disappointed after seeing the lousy results I'm getting. What I'm going to do is create a process-oriented approach to doing game that replaces a results based approach

1. So my current plan everyday is sleep->work->game->reflect on game/study new game content. The problem with this is that I'm too tired by the time I get to reflecting on game. I going to change this to:
sleep->work->break from work to reflect on and study game->work->game.

2. Additional thought control:
I have recently introduced controls to prevent myself from thinking during my work hours about:
a. Any form of thinking about how girls have reacted to me during my previous approaches
Now I have to introduce even more controls during my work hours:
I have to prevent myself from thinking about:
b. How the other people on the street are thinking of me when they see me doing pickup.
c. Some more things that I can't really think of right now

3. The kinds of relaxations that I allow myself to be exposed to. I'm such a discipline freak that sometimes I take it too far with regards to how much I allow myself to let my hair down.
I was watching some stand-up comedy today to relax, and the artist was talking about his sister being good at giving BJs lol. Unfortunately, that triggered some bitterness and victim mentality in me. It was particularly impactful because I was finding the guy really funny and I genuinely really like the artist's screen personality.
Most of the time, when I take a step to relax, I usually take it too far and it spirals out of control, and I start spending too much time relaxing etc.
Same story here, but there's some really major part of me that doesn't want to change so whenever I allow him to see content that reminds him of my shitty previous self, the bad memories come back again.
What's going to happen is that I'm going to limit myself from any form of unhealthy content and associations with people in my life that is outside of work until I get some form of reasonable success with girls. I haven't drawn up major goals for myself in pickup and perhaps that is something I need to really look into doing. I'm thinking that I'm going to stop hanging around good-boy friends and stop watching/reading all forms of content until I get to the stage where I'm between 10-30 lays. That may really be a long time away I'm still a virgin and struggling to escape it. This needs to be done.
Perhaps other things I can go into to find relaxation are reading books that are not associated with shitty previous memories of myself, or looking for good food

4. So a couple of things have been really biting at me for a bit:
4.1. I really don't seem to be having enough fun doing daygame. Right now, every time I go out, once I come back I'm super proud of myself for having pushed some limits and just went back to stare my approach anxiety in the face. Now I've reverted back to mainly going for girls I'm significantly attracted to. But so few of them give me any form of compliance and this leads to the whole thing becoming a chore because it just feels like this numbers game where only 1/5 of them are going to give me any form of compliance at all.
I think something is up with the kind of girls I approach, the kind of girls that I approach are the kind that really don't play around. They dress elegantly but I can tell they're seriously devoted to whichever other guy is in their life at that point in time. They are attracted to me but they won't give me compliance. If I was her, I wouldn't want to give me compliance either so I suppose that's the problem.

I realise that I don't like the kinds of girls that dress to attract attention, or would do a couple of things to get guys' attention but I realise I haven't approached any of these kinds of girls very much at all. Thinking back to some scattered approaches where I did approach these girls who I suppose I have some kind of bitterness against, some of them really did like me but it's just that I fcked it up because I didn't know what to do and my walls were up against them. Maybe I should be changing the kinds of girls I approach. I'll come up with some kind of plan for making sure I approach the kinds of girls that I like less

4.2. So now another thing is that I got quite unhappy yesterday because things didn't go so according to plan. I lost social momentum halfway, it started raining while I was out gaming, the fire alarm went off in one of the shopping malls, I had a sudden errand to run.
So now I'm going to come up with a back-up plan for whenever it starts becoming clear that things are not going to go according to plan.
Possible factors that will fck up my game day:
Rain
Bad logistics (not being able to take the car out) in at least one way and counting
Being forced to change my plans in at least one way and counting
If 2 or more of these factors go wrong, what I will do is not give a fck about anything and go home immediately to make better use of the time by studying game and doing further reflections. I can also spend the time to instead write out imaginary conversations

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Thoughts to follow up on:

Get comfortable with approaching less attractive girls
Get comfortable with approaching the kind of girls that I don't like but who are probably the kind of girls that would give me more compliance.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

OK so over the past 1-2 days I lost 10.00. Bringing the total amount of money that I have lost to 35.00. Not too bad honestly. I need to post another status update. Especially after my 2nd date from cold approach. So much running through my mind.

Summary of things to do:
1. Post a description of my go-to seduction location
2. Post a question on the beginner's board regarding how long to wait before meeting a girl again who u missed the escalation windows with
3. Come up with a list of things that I need to close that last stretch to sex and post it either here or on my dates journal
4. I need to come up with a schedule to manage my dates in addition to cold approach because the time its taking me to write a field report for a date is really getting out of hand

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Updating the amount of money I lost:
So today I lost 10.00. That makes a total of 45.00 that I have lost. Once I reach 100.00, I will draw the money and tip people.


Some things to work on:
List of major things to work on
Lack of decisiveness and hesitation because of my anxiety. I can keep my cool but I need to start pushing it more.
Lack of authority
Conversation
Calibration

Anxiety: This is really hindering me from being playful. I don't really know why I'm so unhappy with this. The thing is that I've actually been really successful at keeping my cool when I approach, but while keeping my cool, I sort of freeze up quite a bit so that's one thing I've got to work on.


Pickup and seduction learning schedule:
The dates and the shit that I've had to learn to make the best out of my dates has been tremendously time-consuming. It's really way out of control
To add to that, I still keep cold approaching every day because I'm anxious that my anxiety will come back very strong if I drop the approaching pace. Honesltly speaking, this whole anxiety thing is just anxiety.
The new schedule:
I will spend 8 hours 5 days a week working on seduction. If I have a date, that date will be part of the time that I spend on seduction. I will not add time just because I have a date that week.
It does make sense to write feild reports of my dates but the amount of time I spent to write them previously has been ludicruous. I will spend a maximum of 5 hours writing a feild report for a date. No more. I will not document the cold approach when writing the field report of a date. I will just document the date itself and the texting. Honeslty, I find that I've been putting a lot of effort into making my texting seem non-needy and I believe that it has been paying off.

The worst I've felt from an approach since I started learning seduction:
Today I approached this hot and cute girl and I got scolded by her. She didn't really scold me actually but I sent her into auto-rejection and she walked away from me feeling very unappreciated I could hear it in her voice. I opened her by telling her that she was hot, and I genuinely really thought she was hot holy shit. Then she invested a bit in me and started asking me questions about my life.
That's when I fked it up. I refused to tell her things about my life. I refused to tell her what school I was studying even though she told me what job she was working in. And I refused to do this because I wasn't comfortable with myself. I thought the people around looking at me talk to her would judge me and she would judge me for telling her what school I went to or some bullshit.
I feel terrible just thinking about it. I really really hate it when I make girls feel bad. And I liked this girl, this girl was hot this girl was cute wow. Ridiculous.
Here's what I learnt:
If I can get so comfortable with being ignored/rejected, why can't I be comfortable hurting girls? I'm not 100% comfortable with rejection but really really quite comfortable at this stage because I've really been through a hell lot of being ignored and blown-off.
The world doesn't owe me anything. So why should I owe the world anything.

The only loser of my inability to let go of the fact that there will be girls that I will hurt will be me.
The forgiveness argument from the Traveller's Gift is useful, but still doesn't ring very strong in this circumstance: I'm hating myself for hurting women, and I shouldn't be doing that, I'm not asking myself for forgiveness, but I don't need to ask myself for forgiveness in order to forgive myself, I will choose to forgive myself, I will make myself forgive myself. I will choose to be happy and to forgive myself.
Every time that I think a negative thought because of a girl I hurt, I'm going to snap the rubber band on my wrist and say to myself "I will make myself forgive myself"
In the end, my am I learning seduction, and I learning it for the girls or am I learning it for me? I'm learning it so that I can be happy



Positive thinking:
I'm so glad that this hot girl managed to shake me up today. I got my first taste of what it is like to hurt girls and have them helplessly auto-reject me for it. I am happy that I am finding it such a challenge to accept that I am going to hurt girls even more in the future.
First of all, it means that I'm really empathetic. Secondly, it means that I will either learn to become unempathetic or become incredibly impartial and learn to suck all of that shit up. It means that I will learn with excruciating detail how to be a man and take responsibility for bad decision that I make. I will learn how it feels to take such responsibility. I'm learning seduction so that I can be happy. So that I can live and think freely. The more painful responsibility I am given to deal with, the more able I will be at the end of all this to live a happy and free life. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn what it feels like to really really hurt girls. The more capable I am of hurting girls, the more I will learn about what freedom truly is and how to truly attain it
I have a decided heart. I am going to tackle seduction with passion. I am going to push knowing fully that there are risks that I can hurt girls very very badly. Every time I hurt a girl, I will accept it. I will not apologise for hurting her. I will just try to make it right.
It doesn't matter whether or not I leave permanent scars on girls hearts, but it matters that I WILL BE TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY for all the hurt that I may cause them and will be making sure that I will make girls feel wonderful once I am good enough to make them feel wonderful

Action and inaction


Articles to read:

Tactics Tuesdays: When She’s Not Ready to Escalate

Sometimes, you’ll have met a girl and be talking with her, or you’ll be on a date with her, and you’re at that point with things where you would (normally) move to the next step. Only, you try to go to that next step with her, but she’s not going. She’s not ready for the courtship or the...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Ok so status update.
Over the past few days I lost 25.00. Prior to this I lost 45.00. This brings the total amount of money I've lost to 70.00.

There are some quite major things that I need to think about changing regarding my approach to learning seduction:
1. I definitely need to keep improving at my Cold Approach game. In such a dense and busy city, street game has to be very tight.
So what I need now is:
1. To move fast to set up interactions and prevent interactions from breaking off before they have even started
2. To improve my conversation skills

2. Screening: I've completely not thought about this for a very long period of time. Gotta start thinking about this
3. Factoring different parts of my life into my schedule: Daygame, dates, real-life work, texting girls, additional research on pick-up, reflection time, some sort of breaking from work to relax for a bit
1. How many dates am I willing to go on in the span of a week? For now, I'll keep it to one date a week at the very maximum since I have to focus on my real-life work.
1.1. What are the implications for my cold approaching schedule?
1.2. What the implications for how I handle interactions with women?

2. Take a time measurement such that I can see how many of my waking hours, I'm spending on learning seduction. Just charting it out to see what I can put in and what I can't
3. How many times am I going to go out to cold approach every week? How do I set new standards that will keep pushing me to learn at the same rate?
4. How am I going to explore new things like making new friends and etc?


4. For now I will use the same logistics that I've always planned to use. I haven't run into enough negative experiences to tell me that current car logistics are not going to work.


I don't have the time to think hard about these things individually right now so I've just listed them out for now.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Over the past 2 days I lost 15.00. This brings the total amount of money I have lost to 85.00.

Today was a tough day. There were a couple of problems:
1. Heat (Since I'm approaching at 5-7pm)
2. Me Fcking up the compliance requests that I'm making to move girls
3. Very few girls who are alone.
4. Rushing to do armtaps

I still approached at least 10 girls today. I got very good reactions but very little results. Probably about 5-10 of these girls were married/engaged.

So this is Sunday game. There are very few girls who are going out because of genuine serious reasons. And a lot of them were just with their friends/boyfriends.

The heat did get to me. It slowed me down quite a bit. It's not very good for my health too.
I came quite close to what I would consider success with at least 2 of these girls. That's something worth celebrating.
The reasons I failed were,
1. being worried about the girl saying no to my compliance requests.
2. Bad conversational skills

It seems that the Sunday crowd is not worth going out during the heat for. Perhaps I'll change my approaching schedule on Sundays from 5-7pm to 7-9pm. At least I can be sharper with the girls who are alone because I won't be so affected by the heat.

I will consistently go out over the next few days from 5-7pm to see how well I can stand the heat and whether it's even worth it to do that.

Shopping malls and moving fast and hard with girls: I'm always afraid to be in my full aggression mode in shopping malls as compared to when I'm out on the street. This is a problem. I have to be on my full aggression mode even in shopping malls because shopping malls are no less tough in terms of circumstances to get girls.
Solution: I will do one approach with full aggression per shopping mall per day. In the place where I approach, there are 4 interconnected shopping malls. It does not matter how the approach eventually turns out. For one approach per shopping mall, I will go all out and do everything I can to push hard to get the girl. What I will do here is only approach girls that I can tell like me. It does not matter how much I like her, only that I like her to a reasonable extent. This will amount to at least 4 approaches a day where I'm pushing my limits. Quite a fair bit already.
If I fail to do one approach with full aggression per shopping mall, I will deduct 5.00 from my bank account for every one of these approaches I fail to do.
This does not mean that I cannot do more than one approach per shopping mall. It just means that I must do at least one approach where I push the social boundaries per shopping mall or else I will punish myself.

Places with very high flow of people and a heck ton of people watching:
I will come up with a walking plan for doing cold approach for every specific day of the week. Different days will have different walking routes.
This walking plan will take into account places of high flow of people in particular. On crowded days, I will probably avoid these places.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

The standard for an approach: Now there's a problem with having a standard for an approach because sometimes I just get completely blown off. It's not always the case that I can achieve all these things.

Perhaps this is not the case. I previously tried creating a standard for an approach using the length of time for which I was talking to a girl. But the truth is I have found that time is really not a good measure for how much attraction I am building in a girl.

Let's try a new standard for an approach:
1. No hesitation or deliberation: I will only look at a girl once. If I think I might like her, I must start walking to her and open/pre-open her immediately
2. Other than handshakes and handclasps, I have to make 2 physical compliance requests: Essentially pushing the girl to make some kind of movement for me no matter how small
3. I will assume the burden of the conversation but I will only allow myself to ask one question throughout the whole interaction. Once I have accidentally asked that question, I will not allow myself to ask any more questions.

Edit: So I tried the no questions thing for one day, and it went absolutely horribly. I failed every single time when I went in asking no questions. I had to keep asking what's ur name and it was fked up because if I couldn't ask questions I couldn't find out any information about the girl.
The good thing was that I made the realisation that I am always asking too many questions and making literally most of all approaches seem like a fking interview.
I even realise that I have the habit of not even thinking about the questions that I ask before I ask them. That's really fked up. Time to change that.
Next step: Today I'm going to change the standard to one questions for every 2 statements that I'm making.

So what I've now realised is that weekdays are way better for approaching girls who are alone. The sky doesn't really get dark actually until 730pm and the volume actually doesn't really get that high until we get to about 530-pm so perhaps I may change my schedule from 5-7pm to 530-730pm.

It's really good that I'm daring to ask for compliance and to make conversations more than platonic but the problem is generally that my foundation of building a conversation from scratch is absolutely terrible. I think that once I get conversation down I will see a big jump in my performance.

Main thing on the agenda: Conversation

It's time to work on my conversation. These are the things that I have been forgetting:
1. I'm trying to build an emotional connection. I actually have a pretty good feel for what a strong emotional connection is and what is isnt. Just that I've consistently been struggling with how to create one. I've always been trying to force it. Honestly, now I've realised that forcing it is the worst thing that I can do.
2. The conversation has to be going somewhere. I'm going to try my best to take the conversation into something insightful revealing and interesting. It doesn't have to be great, but there has to be some kind of connection we're building, at least some kind of emotional goal, some kind of happines that we are going to share together
3. Now I realise how I formed emotional connections in the past, and I've been interpreting Chase's articles too mechanically. Whenever I'm actually curious about someone I would ask them about things that are related but not linearly following from the topic that we are currently talking about. I would ask questions and actually be curious about these people.

Whenever I run into a girl who isn't giving me any conversational openings, I'm going to experiment with making 2 very diverse and absurd statements and tell her to tell me her opinion, keeping within the 2 statements 3 questions rule.
After that, if I still don't get any openings, don't ask for compliance yet, take a risk and create a threat to her value or risk a cold read. I won't have much to lose in any case anyways.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Update

Edit: So I've found that I quite like where this is at. I think my conversational skills and approach will improve very well this way so I'm going to stick at this until the end of the week. Just to keep hammering conversation skills

I lost 10.00 bringing my total currently to about 95.00. I spent 15.00 buying snacks and food for the people in my daygame area who I always buy dinner from so that brings the amount of money I owe to deduction to 80.00.

So I've found that this approach to forcing myself to make approaches that I don't want to do is honestly quite helpful. So I'm going to remove any limits on the amount of money that I can lose. So I could literally become money-less if I don't get my game up haha.

To repeat my money deduction plan, it makes me force myself to approach:
1. Whenever I feel like I'm doing something out in the field. I've been doing really well at this as well.
2. The girl is squeezed in the middle of a very large crowd, or a very packed corner. I've been doing quite well at this
3. The girl who I am currently approaching already saw me approach another girl. Been doing very badly at this. But it doesn't even happen very often anyways so I'm just going to do it
4. Two different girls right next to each other are both giving me IOIs. I've been doing well at this by just picking one and just approaching
5. When I question whether I really like the girl. I've actually been doing ok at this. Not that well. Sometimes as I walk closer to the girl I realise that I really don't like her in which case I just pretend as though I just happened to be walking towards her and I'm ok with that.

The mall approaching thing whereby I have to do one full-aggression approach kind of thing per mall is something I find to be too risky. I cannot risk being banned from any of these malls. And one blow-off approach (where I get blown-off), by the standards of security cameras in malls is the same if not more suspicious than a full aggression approach.

So what I'm going to do is make it such that the first approach I do in every mall has to be full-aggression: This is different from my standard for an approach. Here I am just being really pushy, really loud, and really commanding, if needed. Which according to my experience, is needed in my normal daygame environment. If I don't do any approaches in that mall, that's fine.
But if I don't do my first approach in each mall in full aggression mode, I will deduct 5.00 from my bank account. This pertains only to the first approach in every mall.

Update with my walking plan another day.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Lots of shit happened: Will remember this post

Amount of money lost: 25.00. This brings the total amount of money that I owe to deduction to 105.00. The thing about this is that So far I've only given away 15.00. So I need to start coming up with ideas for giving this money away that will in turn help me with game.

So while doing game, I ran into the second other daygamer that I've ever met in real life and he's really motivated and he's on a coaching program for a couple of months and we didn't do winging but we gamed while hanging out on 2 different outings. Major win for me and he's added me to a chat group of about 15 other day gamers in my country so I've definitely got my ass covered for people who'll be pushing me to go out for the next few months though I honestly think that I haven't got lack of motivation at all.

So I spent too much time on game. So much time that I fked up something pretty important in my real life and this may me and my career down the line though I hope not. It's my responsibility and I'm not going to blame it on game:
The questions that I'm exploring in life through game which make game so important to me that I have to do it alongside my real life work even though I actually really do find purpose in my real life work (college classes) will have a major impact on the career that I decide to pursue and places that I decide to go to later on in my life.
I accept the responsibility for my mistakes. I've always had difficulty forgiving myself for fking up really important things by making stupid mistakes. I am now a man. But every man will make mistakes that kids will make. As much as I am a man, I will not accept the life of a man who is not free. I am going to be a free man.
My decision caused me to sacrifice more of my life than I was willing to. My strength, energy, and enthusiasm will be spent in learning from this experience and making things right.
There will be no delay in my learning of seduction as a result of this setback. The career I am pursuing is a cornerstone of my existence.
But learning to interact with half the people that live on this planet, learning to be a human being, learning what I want from the time that I spend in this world whenever I am not pushing forth in my work also makes my existence.
I will learn from my mistakes. I will make sacrifices along the way. I am proud of myself for taking action, risk, and responsibility. I will have faith in myself.

On a more practical note, my new daygame pal has pointed out major flaws that I did not notice and that has actually really helped me with my approaches.
He's got 3 years experience but next time I meet him I'm going to tell him that his fundamentals need to be upgraded by 3 levels.
My fundamentals are better than his because I dress better and because he doesn't control his diet as much as I do.
My problem was that I scare girls way too much when opening because I'm way too high energy, and I refuse to have a proper conversation with girls because I'm just focussed on trying not to ask questions and self-amusement. And asking for compliance/number closing too fast.
The way I tried to engage girls was too shocking. Now I know and have employed some of his attention grabbing opening language and it has really gotten me to engage and lengthen the conversations that I'm having.

I'm also starting to look into getting a TRE instructor. I've tried doing it once and I'll try again tonight but it's so stiff that the shaking doesn't get beyond my thighs.

So I was actually planning to start talking to 2 girls at once after this week, but I'm changing my mind and I'm gonna stick with my daygame friends advice for the next 3 days. If I think I can start going further will update.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Ok so I lost another 5.00 dollars today.

Some minor things to take note of:
1. Today there were very few people. So I wasn't as motivated to be very loud. Mondays to Thursdays the girls are prettier but they also all have serious boyfriends/relationships bla bla bla.

Major things:

1. I need to diversify. I can't just be going for the kind of girls I'm comfortable with. They are a brick wall. I am here to get better with girls and get experience. What I initially am wishing to specialise in is not working out. Really. Not working out. It's time for a change.

2. I still have no friends who are girls. Just wow. This is a problem. I just see girls as these evaluators of me 100% not as people who can care about me and shit and who have feelings and lives of their own.

3. I've exclusively been approaching good-looking girls who are alone. Now there are 2-ways to go. Lower standards or start approaching groups. I'll see about this tomorrow.

Edit: The low energy was seriously just me being tired from actually successfully getting my stomach shaking for the first time during my second attempt at doing TRE.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Wow. Lots of new things I learnt today after reading many of Carousel's posts:

So now I think that I understand that there are 2 main forms of approach anxiety: trauma-based and validation-based and I have both.
I've scoured the SS boards for everything on TRE and I'm highly convinced of it's benefits and it's time to start incorporating this.
I'm convinced of my incorrect approach to going out despite my anxiety.
This is not to say that I'm going to stop going out but my issues have become many times clearer:

I have some general anxiety and quite a bit of connection anxiety. The approach I have been taking to solve this over the past 3 months has been resolution-seeking exposure which has not dealt with the root of the problem at all.
No worries. I'm greatful that I finally came across TRE and that the nice guys who reached out to help me on the Beginners Board introduced me to TRE.

Edit to what I said in a previous post: I said that there would be no delay in my learning of seduction due to the setback that I was faced with a couple of days ago. I 100% meant this in spirit but the logical side of me is telling me to slow down.
I have been running into a lot more posts on the SS boards. Some key ideas that have struck me are:
1. Burnouts. According to Carousel, not to go above the stress-tolerance threshold.
2. Focussing on one thing in my life at a time.
3. Having anchors for both the health aspect and the social aspect of my life. Not sure how important this is going to be. Perhaps I'll post a question on the beginner's board.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna have the date to go on this week but if the girl doesn't flake I'll have a date. So that's what I'm going to focus on for now. Today and tomorrow think about this date only. Aside from class work.

I may have to cut down approaching to 3 times a week and see how that goes but I'll spend more time doing TRE. At least until I reach the end of this really important course that will only end in about 5 weeks time.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Over the course of the past 8 days I lost 25.00 due to failure to approach girls. This means 105.00 + 25.00 + 5.00 = 130.00. I have yet to deduct 130.0 from my bank account.

I went on the date and she was just looking for a BF/had one huge fking objection that I only managed to bring out after attempting to pull her to my car 7 times and then it would just have looked defensive if I tried to pick apart that objection at that stage. Very very good learning lesson.

So here's what's going to happen: I going to go out this week and just continue my consistent approaching. If I can get at least one solid number this week, and by solid number I mean turns into a date in the end I'm actually going to be really satisfied by that. This means that I'm going to be getting one date a week and I will be quite satisfied by that.

So... With regards to the approaching itself, my body language has become more relaxed. Honestly, from the very beginning, there were way more IOIs and approach invitations from girls who are in groups of 2 than girls who are alone. Because I have been focussed on girls who are alone, I almost never end up approaching girls who have shown me IOIs and even AIs.

So I must admit that my conversation during cold approaches is still terrible. I'm doing a lot more self-amusement though so that's great. I'm also diversifying the girls that I'm approaching and that has been getting me more interesting responses.

Changes that I will be making:

1. So this week even though I'm still working on conversation I'm going to take the risk and start going for girls in groups of 2. I'm going to add this to my money count. So it doesn't matter whether I'm getting AIs but what matters is that both the girls are of roughly equal value. And then I'm just going to focus on one of them, I will spend time talking to the other but that's roughly it. All the money deduction rules that apply to approaching girls who are alone will apply to approaching girls who are in groups.
I will, however, only force myself to approach groups of 2 where I feel that the girls are of equal value. Or if I feel that there is this Approach invitation that the other girl is aware of and also wants me to her approach her friend.

2. I will try as hard as possible to disqualify myself as a boyfriend regardless of what interaction it is.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Since I last updated this journal, I lost 10.00 bringing the total up to 140.00. I also went on date 4.

I sorta debated quite hard with my daygame friend to the point where I pissed him off slightly but that's fine I believe in what I believe in and what this community has taught me.

In any case, I realised the one big big thing that I am missing:
Social calibration. I am especially terrible at this and so I am going to get better at it. A lot of my other fundamentals are actually pretty decent.

From the date that I went on this week, which was another girl that specifically did not want to have sex on the first date, I learnt that:
1. All the girls that I went on properly arranged dates with so far have been minimally 8s on the scale of 0-10. I have been really really lucky that one of them was so DTF that it allowed even a beginner like me to get so far and acquire such a helpful experience. My opinion is that good-looking girls will be more experienced so it will be harder to get them for first-date sex.
2. If I want to convert girls who are looking for boyfriends to have first-date sex, that's fine too. BUT, I AM GOING TO NEED TO RACK UP SOME WINS FIRST. If I want to convert girls like that, I will probably need to have some pretty advanced verbal game and actual sexual experience to pull it off.

I have been working on TRE, and I can feel that it's helping quite a lot. My TRE sessions have been improving quite dramatically as well, with a lot more shaking and stuff.

Prior to this post, I was working on:
1. Disqualifying myself as a boyfriend, and screening out the girls who are looking for boyfriends. I have not really been progressing very far with this because I'm actually just in general working on my conversation skills and have not really racked up enough experience to be having very sexual conversations yet. But it has been decent in the sense that whereever I could, I deflected as much boyfriend chasing as possible.
2. Having the goal as simply losing my virginity for now
3. Starting to approach 2 sets. I have not had many issues with this to be honest. I have not actually engaged any 2-sets in a prolonged conversation (even despite getting IOIs didn't approach any 2-sets with Approach Invitations yet so idk) but they generally seem very amused at what I'm doing so whenever I have the chance I will just do it.

Now, I am going to keep the above that I have been doing for the past 1 week, but:
1. I am going to explore more. I.e., Try lowering my standards slightly and see how that goes. This is going to help me diversify and find more girls who are open to sex on the first date. This also involves going for girls who are of skin colors, behaviours, etc who I normally wouldn't go for. I will just explore MORE and see how it goes. All the same rules apply to these girls of lower standards/unfamiliar appearances.
2. I will not be going for any second dates with girls who I have not had sex with on the first date, because honestly speaking, I haven't got the logistics to do second date pulling/closing where pulling/closing on the first date has failed.
3. I am going to read up on social calibration and make a set of notes and start implementing these in my interactions
That's it for now.

Another thing to think about is to start building some form of a social life and perhaps start building an instagram account along the way. I will have to stall this for minimally the next 3 weeks because I will be busy with the above and a big workload that I will have to deal with over the next 3 weeks.
Thank u to the members who replied to my post on the Beginners Board for inspiring me to start building some kind of a social life.

I really have not had the time to think about how I'm going to spend the 140.00 dollars and if I don't start giving a huge chunk of it away, I'm afraid that I'm going to change my mind about the money. So I am writing it down here, that I am going to give away 100.00 to all of the friends who are playing an important role in my life (which is in turn going to help me with dating) by buying them things. I swear on my accountability on this forum.

 

[Merchant's-Kin]

Status update: With regards to giving the money away, I have made some progress on that. I lost another 10.00 to not approaching girls.
This will bring the total amount of money that needs to be deducted after I finish giving the current 100.00 away to 50.00.
I have this really good friend who has been helping me with my work life tremendously but he's not from the same city as me and so tmr I'm going to change some money from my currency to his currency and send him the money. This will make me give away about 30.00.

I also gave 3.50 away in the form of snacks to the people who I always buy dinner from. I am going to buy 5 sets of snacks for the waitresses and waiters who are the doormen of the bars that I normally game in front of. This is going to make me give away another chunk of money.

I met a new daygame friend today who I actually like even more than the first day game friend I made and I introduced him to Girlschase.com and SkilledSeducer.com. I am going to give each of my 2 daygame friends 10.00 the next time I see them.

Edit to previous post:
It's not my social calibration that's bad. My social calibration has actually been ok. It's actually my calibration to the girls energy level that has been horrible. I am a super high energy guy. Especially after I read the Traveller's Gift. And that has always been pretty shocking to girls when I open them because I always come in way too high energy. But now I have really been working on my energy calibration and now at least half of my sets are conversations of at least 2 minutes or there's at least some kind of conversation going.

I have been using "You look hot" and "Are you single?" as openers. And I've in general been very happy with using these. The communication of intent that these openers achieve is brilliant.

Once again, for the next 2-3 weeks, I'm going to cap dating at once a week. I don't think I'm going to go on any dates this week and that's fine.

The cold approach really seems like it's improving. The TRE and energy calibration has really really helped.
Conversation has also really been getting better because I usually know where to take the conversation.
To communicate intent, just to find out about the girl, then to ask about her logistics to meet up for a date. There's actually quite a lot that I can use to fill the conversational gaps with and some times I play around with girls.

EDIT: So now is not the time to relax. Now is the time to use the momentum and move forward. Push for the wins. After these 3 weeks, I may begin to go on more dates a week, depending on how much better I manage to get.

Things to improve on are: 1. Building comfort 2. Rewarding investment. Will go to read up on these. And come back here to post notes.

I'm proud of where I am and I have faith I will get far.