My mistakes about a girl and request for guidance and help fix it up

[greendavid]

Hello,

So it's about a week left to the date that she will come to Poland (she postponed it because of doctor appointment).
I had kind of strange situation with her.
In Sunday i told her to order my stuff but i didn't persist but i asked her in Wednesday and she told she didn't do it yet and i was not satisfied but didn't react at all just said OK.
Thursday we have talked and she started some kind of bad beginning and i tried to disarm her and neutralize all her arguments.
-She told we can meet in cafe and i told her no way , cafe for me is considered as place to meet in more official situation , and i was already at your flat so you know it is just fine
-She told we are only friend and maybe will stay friend , i answered which kind of friends talk about such private and personal stuffs and which kind of friend hold hand and talk like us.
-She told well i believe from the beginning we have to feel that love and i don't , love comes with some minimum knowing and seeing each other , it would be so strange if you would live me after our first and only meeting which was in hurry , did i ever mentioned we have to love each other or i love you ? We have to build it together.
-She told i had love with the first sight before , i told her so how did it end , are you together whole life and it ended beautifully? she told no and i answered it was illusion of love and nothing with deep knowing and feeling .

Then she was disarmed and she got pissed off and told me you have overconfidence and you think you know everything , i told her everyday i learn something new and i realized overwhelming amount of things which i dont know , i only shared what i experienced in my life and learn it

Then she started to talk about past and her ex .... and it was the time i raised up my voice and told if you wanna live in past then it's sad and I'm sorry , i love to have everyday better and more beautiful than yesterday not stick to past and then i told if you wanna discuss then i have no energy for it i have to rest because i have important things to do and need to sleep enough and i we hanged up .
Then after some minutes she wrote i got your stuff because i ordered things some days ago. i wrote back that i cant write then she called.
I told her it thanks that's awesome did you wanna surprise me that you didnt tell it ? she said maybe and i was also pissed off and we didn't talk so much.
Then i changed the subject to us and told her you went in that way with your logic and i am not sure if the result was positive but i strongly believe if we do it together and be patient then the result will be beautifiul and charming for both of us .
Then she answered OK i will try .... , kissed and goodnight!

I know i shouldn't get into the argument but i didn't know what elso to do.,
It is strange when ever i talk to her more serious or even raise my voice and tell her faults then she become kind of tamed and get closer to me and start to have compliance.
We will see each other in the next week and i dont know exactly how to have conversation and act to cause some sexual tensions and turn her sexually on .
I know there are so many articles but those are indeed many and similar so i dont know exactly what do i need to read .


Thanks for help
David

 

[ray_zorse]

If she gives you the friends speech then it is usually over. It means you fucked up somewhere, but actually you know you fucked up and you were asking how to recover, so no big deal -- looks like recovery is impossible in this case. However, hopefully you learned a lot -- if you approach a girl in this way then probably same thing will happen.

At GC we emphasize learning from one's mistakes, but this can't be trivialized, if you avoid the same mistakes with the next girl you'll probably make different mistakes So what you need is lots and lots and lots of girls to practice on. If you try to get them from social circle, then you will probably run out of girls before becoming expert.

Another thing to keep in mind is when you first meet a girl she will be attracted and interested and expecting you to make a move, if you let things drag on for weeks and weeks (multiple dates, phone calls etc) without having made a firm move this attraction and interest gradually fades away, or at some threshold she suddenly goes cold.

It is good that you made your move so to speak... in this most recent phone call... but the best way to make a move is in person and doing it physically. Getting her verbal agreement to be boyfriend and girlfriend is useless, since you have no idea what will actually happen when you see her next. But anyway you gave it a shot, now move on.

Rather than wasting time reading the 1000s of articles on this site and getting totally confused and overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, I suggest to check out the newbie assignment in beginners section of the forums, and also to make a journal (by writing a post in the journals section of the forums) to record your learning process.

cheers, Ray

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Greendavid,

I'm coming a little late to this post. You got already some great answers by Mystique, Ray and Michal. Unfortunately you did set a few bad precedents which are going to be hard to reverse. The implication is how she views you, this image she has of you will make it harder for you to get her. That being said, it is not a reason not to try! Harder, but not impossible.

Another thing to keep in mind is when you first meet a girl she will be attracted and interested and expecting you to make a move, if you let things drag on for weeks and weeks (multiple dates, phone calls etc) without having made a firm move this attraction and interest gradually fades away, or at some threshold she suddenly goes cold.

Very true, to keep in mind at all times!

Behavior with her
You got yourself into this argument. This is a mistake. Your behavior should be *cool* all the time. It's what Chase calls "sprezzatura". You don't let yourself into argument and remain cool at all time. This demonstrate control and confidence, which are attractive qualities for girls. Losing your cool in any way, on the other hand, demonstrates lack of confidence and weakness. View it like this: the feminine principle is the hurricane that is going to throw all she can to put you down. You are the solid oak deeply rooted in the ground who doesn't flinch an inch at all her attempts to put you down. You are a rock. The hurricane pass, and you're still there and solid.

How to get sexual and build tension
There are many ways, but the easiest way is to touch her "the right way". I realize that Mystique already referred to it:

Seppuku also has a post and a reply to me where he describes in details his physical escalation technique. Superb stuff. I can't seem to find it though. Seppuku could you kindly help out?

What he is referring to is this link: my touch routine

In a nutshell: you break the physical barrier very early on. The longer you wait, the harder it is, so better start early. You initiate touch with light, incidental touching, maybe a couple of times. Then a little later, you touch her deliberately - typically when moving places, you hold her hand and lead her in a "follow me" fashion. A bit more later, you touch her more daringly. For instance, when she's speaking, you can comb her hair, or have a long lingering touch on her arm (assuming she's bare skin). And later on, you can have overtly sexual touch, like cupping her boob, or touching her thigh, provided that you wrap it up with a sexy smile and eye contact. The key is to be gradual.

Be careful, because this is actually much more powerful than expected. You can make her very horny this way. And if you make her horny, you have to take her to bed. If you leave her in a horny state without going all the way, be sure she will autoreject and you won't see her again. It happened to me when I started and didn't know the power of this.

There are a few articles on the main site, just search for "touch". Ricardus' article is a good start.

What a seduction looks like
I urge you to take a look at some of the LRs here to get a feel of what a seduction looks like. A couple of my own (sorry for self promotion but these are the ones I know best):
Jackie the self pulling beauty shows how I built great tension just by holding my frame and deflecting hers.
My Chinese Lily is a smooth seduction showing how I pulled and escalated her.

Grand Pooba has some great LRs too, nicely written up. This 25 minutes club pull captured my imagination.

And here is one by Hector, with his own unique style: Raw Taco Meat. He used to have more, but he had them removed, I believe because he intends to publish them in a book (or maybe he already did, I lost track).

There used to be many more great LRs, from Radeng and Drexel Scott, but both of them had their posts removed from the Boards. And plenty more that I didn't read.

With this, you have plenty to read and think about!
Seppuku

 

[greendavid]

Hello Seppuku and Ray

I am really grateful to have your hints.

Well about issues related to this girl it is a bit confusing , sometimes she is so eager to talk and sometimes kind of aloof.
Anyway i was thinking to use all tactics on her to see how am i good at it and how can i deal with not such an easy target.

Those posts that Seppuku pointed are awesome , those are short and practical and very clear .
Now i just started to read Grand Pooba Post , i am not familiar with some terms , What does LR stand for ?

Thank you guys
David

 

[Seppuku]

LR, FR, OR etc... all explained by Chase here.

 

[greendavid]

Hello Seppuku ,

I will read and try to use your advice.
If something will come up which i will not know what to do then i will ask you again .

Thank you
Best regards
David

 

[lostnumber]

Green David,

Everyone here is giving you fantastic detailed advice that I encourage you to follow.

Here is my short and simple advice; this sounds like a lost cause, and I would encourage you to move on.

Think about it this way, if you had several dates lined up with attractive interesting girls, would you care at all about this one? Right now you've narrowed your world to this one person, and that is why you are getting bent into such an emotional pretzel and losing your cool.

I know where you are at, because I've been in your shoes. And I know you aren't going to listen and keep pursuing this girl, because its what I would have done when I was less experienced. But trust me that the sooner you get away from this and onto new opportinities the better.

 

[greendavid]

Hey Lostnumber

you are right man
Meanwhile i had 2 dates , one was with a girl who i met on internet , she lives close to my city so i met her in first weekend after i met her on the net (Badoo).
She had night shift the night before our date and that's why she looked exhausted.
Well my chance was that she invited me to her flat so we ate something together and talked and we both got sleepy .
She was extremely shy , that's why i gave her time and waited till we lay on the bed ,
Well it didn't seem be a successful date but long sorry short i could seal the deal .I used advice of guys and i am sure that's why it went right.

The second date i had with a girl who i also met via internet and i invited her and after talking and drinking some wine i could get laid , how ever she seems to be a complicated girl , sometimes she is out of reach for some days which i didn't try to find out what is going on and honestly i don't like it so i am just waiting to see what will happen.

The girl who lives in Germany will be here tomorrow , the point is i consider it as a challenge , when the bull is wilder it gives me more motivation to tame it . If i get successful then it will be perfect and if it will not work then i will lose nothing .
I guess i will go to her place after tomorrow , i decided to buy some whisky to drink together , because she pointed several times that she likes Whisky (I hope it is a good idea).
Then i will use hints that guys showed me .
I strongly feel she likes me but she want to show she is a good girl and doesn't sleep with a boy such easily , well i will use all hints which i learnt and i hope the result will be positive.

I will update the post and if there is some help i will ask you.

Thank you guys
And i hope i will have good news and updates

Best regards
David

 

[Seppuku]

Meanwhile i had 2 dates , one was with a girl who i met on internet , she lives close to my city so i met her in first weekend after i met her on the net (Badoo).
She had night shift the night before our date and that's why she looked exhausted.
Well my chance was that she invited me to her flat so we ate something together and talked and we both got sleepy .
She was extremely shy , that's why i gave her time and waited till we lay on the bed ,
Well it didn't seem be a successful date but long sorry short i could seal the deal .I used advice of guys and i am sure that's why it went right.

The second date i had with a girl who i also met via internet and i invited her and after talking and drinking some wine i could get laid , how ever she seems to be a complicated girl , sometimes she is out of reach for some days which i didn't try to find out what is going on and honestly i don't like it so i am just waiting to see what will happen.

Congratulations!
The fast seduction is a recipe that just works, when done right from the very beginning. All (available) women have a very short time window when they are open to a fast seduction from an unknown sexy stranger. It is written in their genetic code. All we do is try to take advantage of this. But once you past the window, you engage into the tortuous road of long courting, which is much less likely to succeed and takes longer - and if it succeeds, you are in a much weaker position with respect to her, since you already accepted her subservient boyfriend frame.

The girl who lives in Germany will be here tomorrow , the point is i consider it as a challenge , when the bull is wilder it gives me more motivation to tame it . If i get successful then it will be perfect and if it will not work then i will lose nothing .

It's going to be more difficult. You positioned yourself wrongly initially. You showed yourself useful to her, friendly, and needy. But the worse is, you were alone one on one with her in a room and didn't attempt to fuck her. In my opinion a man cannot afford not to attempt escalation when isolated with a girl. The end result is "she doesn't view you this way". It only enforces the friend frame.

BUT it is not a reason not to try! Give it a reasonable try, but don't beat yourself at it if it doesn't work. The same time and energy could be used on brand new girls, where your chances of success are higher.

Good luck!
Seppuku

 

[greendavid]

Hello Guys

I am so sorry for late update , i actually had some trips and works so i just a bit neglected to update the post.

So the short version of story about mentioned girl who i was talking about , i had surprising but huge success and i sealed the deal finally.

The detailed version of what happened i will mention down below:

-Day before the meeting (date):
We talked and agreed that i will go to her flat , i used excuse of that i love to sit in a silent place and talk and drink something together and talk , it is raining and it's better in this way so she immediately accepted , i was feeling that she want me to go to her but she wanna show that she is a good girl and she doesn't invite people to her place and such kind of things that girls always think......

-The day of the meeting:
I am not sure it was me who wrote or it was her , but any way we talked and it was after noon , she told she had to go to some offices and organize some paper work and now she is going to her mom for lunch then visit cusins , aunts and etc and we can meet when she comes back at evening , so i told that's nice that she wanna visit her mom , i told her rake your time and let me know about 16:00 that at what time you will be back home and she told OK.

-The evening:
Well i had too busy day at work and maybe that's why i didn't notice that 16:00 is already passed and i didnt get any message or call from her ,i am not sure but i suppose it was good because if i wasn't busy i might get impatient and call her , so i went to home and held myself from calling or texting her and finally she called me around 18:00 , she told me so when do you wanna come to me , i answered when you will be back home then i will come , so she answered she will be at home after 19:00 , i told i guess i will be there before 20:00 , she told OK i will drive back home and see you there .

-one hour before the date:
Well took a shower and tried to iron some clothes and i am unfortunately sloppy in ironing and it took so much time and it was already 19:30 when i got ready and then calling taxi and ...... it became 20:00 and i was still in the way,
She called me and asked where am i and i told her well in the way to her , she got pissed off why i am such late and i told her you were suppose to inform me about 16:00 but you didnt and i stayed at work to do some of my stuffs , she answered that she doesn't remember that i told her to inform about out meeting around 16:00 ! i told i remember it but any way we wanna meet to have pleasant time and be relaxed and talk and drink something together and if she wanna be nervous like this then tell me that i go back and come to her when she is calm , she answered no it is OK just come and she is waiting.

-When i arrived :
it was something about 20:15 or 20:20 i just ranged and she opened the door and i just shook hand with her and she was saying oh she is waiting long and i look at her with kind of evil smile and told well not my fault you informed me to late and i just sold my helicopter yesterday (a bit of teasing and kidding) so i had to suffer traffic jam and being on the road instead of sky to come and see each other , then she laughed and i told you see your face doesn't match with anger and being grumpy and when you smile you look charming and she told OK lets go and sit i told her just give me a hug because you were angry and complaining and i do not give me hug in this situation but now you are a good girl and we hugged a bit , then i took the whisky which i bout and knew she likes it and she prepared glasses and we went to sitting room and sat down on canapé.

-In sitting room:
well we started to drink and talk and then i took my laptop to play some music and also i told her we can watch some movie , then she told me here are my goods which i asked her to buy for me in Germany and bring it , i told her what things? i tried to tease and and asked what things? i didn't ask for any things! well she got silent and just showed me those goods and i answered with kind of evil smile aha now i remember it and she laughed and told you are such a evil ... , then i told oh those are exactly what i wanted and thank you then i kissed her forehead and she became a bit shy and pulled back , then i just sat relaxed and straight (not at her direction ) with open and relax hand and a kind of open leg (kind of Al Pacino style ) and we drank and talked and meanwhile played the eyes wide shut movie which had so many erotic scenes and she told oh you specially downloaded this movie and i answered well it has a high rate and has good actors like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman , if you watched it before i can play some other movies i have some comedy and even horror movies , she told no i didn't watch it and we can watch , then we continued talking and i honestly do not remember all our talking just i remember that i said something and it made her to talk about sex at the beginning of relationship and how it destroyed the relationship , i answered yeah it could be like that but it depends , so many times not getting intimate will freeze hearts and a beautiful relationship which has potential of being amazing can get weak and end in sad way , meanwhile i was randomly touching her hand and cautiously her hair around her ears and sometimes cautiously her thighs , and again her hands and arms then i noticed some fresh scratch on her hand and i asked oh what happened , she told oh i am always careless and she scratched her hand with door of some cabinets , then i remembered she told me about that her back was injured and stitched i told her show me how is that , then she turned her back to me and raised her shirt a bit and i saw that it is almost healed and i told her you are such a delicate girl and you should be more careful then i kissed her back.
After kissing her back i kissed her shoulder and i felt she liked it and started to kiss her neck from back and at the time i felt she got turned on and i stated to kiss around her ears and went for her lips and suddenly she turned and started to kiss me back and i hugged her and kissed her and we got hot and i hugged her and lifted her and took her to bedroom , well that kiss was kind of erupting a Volcano that ended us on the bed .

-In bedroom :
So i started to kiss and massage her can just controlled myself to not go for the sex too fast , after a long kissing and touching she started to squeeze me and pushing my body on her body and i directed her hand where it was supposed to be ! then from her breath and every thing i thought it is the time and removed my clothes (i already removed her clothes except her panties) i removed my short and asked her if she wanna feel my hug and she just removed my T Shirt and i removed her panties and started to touch her down there and also kissing her neck and her body then slowly to started to wear the protection and having sex.
I just tried to control myself but at the first time i couldn't , then i went to bath and removed the condom and came back so fast and kissed and touched her and started the sex and this time i could control and it took longer and she was moaning and finally she had kind of pulsing and tears came to her eyes and i felt she had the orgasm.
We repeated it 3 times and i could sleep only 3 or 2 hours.

-After sex:
Well the next day we had to wake up early because she had appointment with car service to fix her car and i told her i have to go to work and she told it is in her way to mechanic and she can take me there , we drank some coffee in the way then when we arrived near to my working placed i told her kitty we had a fantastic time and and after kissing and hugging i got off the car

Well Now it is about a week passed and she became totally like a different person , now it is her who is calling and writing first and me i am a work and answer her with some delay , i wanted to buy a jacket and she told she wanna also buy stuffs and we can go together and she actually tried to find a good jacket , she come to city center and ask me to meet and she invited me twice more to her flat and she come to my flat today because it was in her way when she was going to her mom.

So i suppose it is all for now.
Perhaps i had some mistakes and i will be happy to read your comments on what i did and fix my possible mistakes.
I tried to follow your hints and i really appreciate your for all recommendations and helps.
Of course i am trying to have more and more options and trying it with other girls and develop my skills.
Thank you , you guys are awesome , i will be eagerly waiting for your response .

Best regards
David

 

[Seppuku]

Man,

you handled it like a pro. Nice job!

Just a few comments:

i was feeling that she want me to go to her but she wanna show that she is a good girl and she doesn't invite people to her place and such kind of things that girls always think......

Classic. She would love so much for you to come in her home, but she cannot ask directly or make it look too easy because that would make her look slutty. So, it has to be you proposing it, and you need to wrap it with a plausible excuse. Which you did!

so i went to home and held myself from calling or texting her and finally she called me around 18:00 , she told me so when do you wanna come to me

Excellent job. By holding your text and making her text first you created tension and put the chasing dynamics in your favor.

i just sold my helicopter yesterday (a bit of teasing and kidding) so i had to suffer traffic jam and being on the road instead of sky to come and see each other

Hilarious! And you defused a potential drama by acting not serious and teasing. That's a great way to handle.

Escalation and sex, nothing to add!

Well Now it is about a week passed and she became totally like a different person , now it is her who is calling and writing first and me i am a work and answer her with some delay , i wanted to buy a jacket and she told she wanna also buy stuffs and we can go together and she actually tried to find a good jacket , she come to city center and ask me to meet and she invited me twice more to her flat and she come to my flat today because it was in her way when she was going to her mom.

After sex, the dynamics of the interaction usually changes in the man's favor. She is now behaving like she's your girl, which means that you did everything right.

Welcome to the Girls Chase board!
Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[lostnumber]

Great job Greendave! I had my doubts this was going to work out for you, but it sounds like you handled the date an escalation perfectly and were able to overcome all of the earlier missteps.

Congratulations man!

 

[greendavid]

Thank you guys , i wouldn't have it without without your help specially after som mistakes which i had in the past.
Well i brought along the whole arsenal and every tool which i could use , your hints and vital advices, some whiskey, movie with hot scenes and even wear elegant (i usually wear sport).
I would be sad if it wouldn't work out , but i was also surprised how it worked out like a charm.
Honestly i usually had unplanned dates without special strategy and kind of sloppy, because i didn't have any source to learn it.
I really appreciate you guys.
I will will work on other case and will report details in proper section and will ask you for advices

Again thank you so much
Kindest regards
David

 

[greendavid]

Hello,

So it's about 2 weeks that i meet her and we had sex several times.
The problem is that she behave kind of strange and except first night which we slept together till morning in other nights after eating something together and having sex she wanted to spend night alone.
She simply tell sometimes i feel like that and wanna be alone.
In first night i told ok but also told it is very strange behavior, i had car so i just drove back without any problem.
Last night we had the same story and this time i got pissed off nd told her i can't bear this behavior, she answered we aren't boy friend and girlfriend or wife and husband to spend whole night together and she told me that she will take me home because i hadn't car with myself.

So in the way back home she said the she likes me but she doesn't have any emotions and she said that she needs time, she told that she had love in first sight in other cases and i asked then what was the result of those premature loves and she had no answer!
Then she said perhaps i have more emotions to her then her to me , i answered well it's not true , she answered that she knows that i don't love her yet but she talks about minimum emotions, then i answered listen i am mature and i learnt how to tune my emotions with the second person and emotions will not start from my side , you have to earn those emotions and those will appear by time when i feel you have the same feelings and emotions to me ,
So at the time we arrived and i just behaved cold and said a simple goodbye and left.
Later at that night she called several times which i didn't pick up and after that she wrote a message that please be logical and not emotional and in the morning i wrote back it's one of few times that i started to meet someone based on logic and not emotions but she is too emotional that from now she talks about wife and husband state of boyfriend girlfriend relationship which i need time for being convinced for it , then i wrote thanks fo all nice time that we spent and take care!
I didn't get any answer yet .

Well perhaps i had several mistakes in what i told her in these situations and i will appreciate if you point and show those mistakes and guide me to fix those mistakes.
But during these 2 weeks i admit that i had several mistakes, after first night of sleeping with her i was too available and i was picking up phone when ever she called, also when she was in city center and offering to go somewhere together my answer was always positive, and also i was insisting to meet her at her place.....

Right now i have other options so i feel just let her ti have time , she will be going to Germany tomorrow and after two weeks will come back to Poland stay permanently

I will appreciate to have your guidance and comments.

Kind regards
David

 

[greendavid]

I forgot to add , the other thing which i have problem not only about this particular girl but also about some other girls they say there is lack of chemistry or about this particular girl she told me about lack of love in first sight and love from beginning of relationship .
When i hear it it's somehow disappointing and sad , i feel i do something wrong or i have some mistake in communicating with girls which it makes them feel like this .

 

[Seppuku]

Hey David,

Last night we had the same story and this time i got pissed off nd told her i can't bear this behavior, she answered we aren't boy friend and girlfriend or wife and husband to spend whole night together and she told me that she will take me home because i hadn't car with myself.

And she is right. Staying the night at home is very BF / GF behavior.

But during these 2 weeks i admit that i had several mistakes, after first night of sleeping with her i was too available and i was picking up phone when ever she called, also when she was in city center and offering to go somewhere together my answer was always positive, and also i was insisting to meet her at her place.....

The problem seems that by expecting her to stay at home, and maybe other behaviors that you display, you are conveying some haste in establishing a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship, when she is not (yet) ready for it. While there is nothing wrong with this in itself, you are now displaying chasing / needy behavior around this.

The advocated "non chasing, non needy behavior" rule still holds. If you don't hold it, expect problems in the relationship. The rule, by the way, extends to all sorts of human relations and not just girls. Just don't chase.

Besides, the relationships are the realm of women. Your job as a man is get sex from her, then continue to provide sex. That's it. Her job, as a woman, is now to get the relationship from you. The only thing you have to do is to fuck her, and let her try to secure the relationship. She will, if you give it time. Let her do her work!

So in the way back home she said the she likes me but she doesn't have any emotions and she said that she needs time, she told that she had love in first sight in other cases and i asked then what was the result of those premature loves and she had no answer!

That, and the rest, is her attempt to rationalize the aforementioned problems.

The solution is very simple.
1. Tone down the drama. No more reference to this fight - at all. If she brings the subject again, you defuse it calmly and change to other topic. No drama.
2. Fuck her. Enjoy. Forget about relationships, GF/BF etc... And fuck other girls, too. It's a beautiful life.
3. Don't give her too much value. Don't be too available. Don't message all the time. Give some silences. Let her wonder!
4. Let her come to you. Let her worry about relationship. Let her work her way to secure the GF role. She absolutely needs to work for it, or else it has ZERO value.

The idea is you are the prize, it's not everyone who can pretend to be your girlfriend, she needs to work for it, she is the one chasing for it. AND NOT the other way around.

Alright, you have already done the hard work, namely sleeping with her. The rest should be easy. Implement the four points above and see how it improves things.

Seppuku

 

[greendavid]

Hi Seppuku

Man you are awesome , you always dencrypt and decipher signals sent from girls precisely.
Your hints are perfect and i am already applying those points , just i have a bit more detailed questions.
About point nimber 4:

Don't give her too much value. Don't be too available. Don't message all the time. Give some silences. Let her wonder!

Usually i reply her messages with some delay specially when i am at work and sometimes also fast.
About messages i guess it is OK , but sometimes she or any other girl calls and i don't pick up then they keep texting why don't you pickup ..... and this particular girl gets pissed off.
Do you think this strategy is OK or i have to calibrate it depend on situation ?
For example today she is in the way back to Germany and she is kind of stressed and do not a lot of time to talk but she called me and i answered her call and she told about a quarrel with a guy who was rude at Gas station and she answered her also rudely and then that guy just backed off .
Well I told she did the right thing and it is Ok to be unkind to mean people.
Well i will be happy to read your comment and guidance about these kind of situations.

David

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

As a rule, everything you read here on the boards and the main site, needs to be calibrated to the situation. You need to get (and apply) the spirit, but then adjust according to your specific case. Getting the proper amount of calibration requires experience.

Now your question about calls. Frankly, in these ages of Whatsapp and chat apps, the phone call is almost obsolete now in my opinion. Phone calls are very demanding. You need to interrupt whatever you are doing right now to answer. You could be in a meeting with your boss, or at the cinema, or whatever. Texting on a chat app, on the other hand, allows you to answer at your convenience. Personally, I don't answer the calls. There are some girls who get crazy and could be calling anytime. I usually kill that right off the bat.

About messages i guess it is OK , but sometimes she or any other girl calls and i don't pick up then they keep texting why don't you pickup ..... and this particular girl gets pissed off.

That's bad behavior. Why would you worry if she is pissed? You're not here to please her every demand. And in fact, the fastest way to lose a girl is to please her every demand: you're too nice. So let her be pissed.

The problem is that she is now used to you, answering the phone whenever she calls. You have set a precedent. Now, if you don't answer for any reason, she gets pissed - because usually you do answer and she is used to that. It is a good thing that she wants to share with you her frustration at the gas station. But I would back off a little from the phone calls. It's a bad habit.

Seppuku

 

[greendavid]

Hello Seppuku

Actually we use WhatsApp for talking and writing messages.
Point is that i don't know at which level should i keep contact with her , is it Ok to not write whole day when she didn't write any thing ?
Should i always wait for her to initiate contact and me only write back or pickup the call ?
Sometimes she doesn't write any message whole day and just write to me after 8 PM to 10 PM , or even few nights she didn't write any thing till the next day that i wrote to her Hello and how are things going on .... , i suppose it is kind of mistake and i shouldn't care at all and if she doesn't write just i have to let it be and do now contact her , am i right ?

Best regards
David

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

Hello Seppuku

Actually we use WhatsApp for talking and writing messages.
Point is that i don't know at which level should i keep contact with her , is it Ok to not write whole day when she didn't write any thing ?
Should i always wait for her to initiate contact and me only write back or pickup the call ?
Sometimes she doesn't write any message whole day and just write to me after 8 PM to 10 PM , or even few nights she didn't write any thing till the next day that i wrote to her Hello and how are things going on .... , i suppose it is kind of mistake and i shouldn't care at all and if she doesn't write just i have to let it be and do now contact her , am i right ?

Best regards
David

If you're too eager to message her, that's neediness again and bad for your karma. You shouldn't be more eager to text than she is. Less is more.

Don't worry if she doesn't write often enough! If she likes you (which seems to be the case) she won't go anywhere. And let her wonder! "Why is he not texting me? Maybe he is busy with another? What on Earth is he doing?". Make her anxious. Make her feel she misses you. That will help you a lot. She won't have the time to miss you if you are on her Whatsapp all the time.

Try keeping her in silence for two days. Don't worry, she will still be here! And maybe she won't even let you silent two days without text. Just try and see!

But what you cannot do is cutting text completely of course. Once in a while you must also be initiating. A good rule of thumb is, you initiate 1/3 of time, and wait for her to initiate 2/3.

Another good rule is to have unpredictable texting pattern. You initiate once in a while, but without clear time pattern.

Seppuku