Missing out on the social experience of college still haunts me, here's why.

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

So I had the time to reflect some more on it, it is still no doubt in my mind that missing out on the social experience of college has been soul sucking as hell. I have already seen so much success in my life on the outside too, much better job in a much cooler city and my results on dating apps are literally through the roof but after all of this, I cannot be happy. At times I keep thinking back to what I could have had in college and it is that sense of belonging, that sense of community, friends, and a social tribe to be a part of. Even if I went back now, it would seem odd to me trying to be an old man who wants to fit in with college kids. Even past the age of 22, I just feel like you are old and will never really fit in the same way you could have when you were 18.

I thought more about more about this, why I feel so miserable, run-down, and cannot appreciate the awesome shit life has thrown my way in the past few months. It's like I am in such emotional and mental pain, have been that way, for such a long time because I had such a god awful college experience that scarred the living shit out of me. So I thought about it, I thought what could make me happy. What I came to realize is that being in a community of lots and lots of like-minded people in a similar situation as me.

I am single, in my 20s, and want to go out to drink, have fun, and cool social experiences with others in a similar situation. At its root, that is what college was really about, that is what I missed and that is what I want to be a part of. I want to be a part of a large network of people going through the same things as me in life, stuff I just listed out.

But why the misery? Why these limiting beliefs? Why so much pain on my end?

Because it seems like everywhere I turn, everywhere I go, and everywhere I look they keep saying college was the last straw. They keep saying college was as good as it got and the rest after that is leftovers. They keep trying to shove it on to me that it is college then family and kids or college then losing your life in your job. They keep saying everything was better in college. They keep showing college kids as the fun group of people, college kids as cool, college kids as the people who get to have all the real fun, college kids as the ones who embody freedom and topnotch social experiences, and college kids are portrayed as the fun types living the best days of their lives.

My god, am I either coming on to a truth or is the power of media and society really that fucking powerful....

My mind wonders, it wanders, and it keeps thinking about it. If I would ever find my community and if due to the changing times, maybe communities of people in similar situations are becoming more and more and more common but I am turning a blind eye. Lots of work to do, my mind is overwhelmed, I cannot see the light at the end of this social life tunnel sometimes.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Not easy getting any sleep tonight, guess that is what happens when you have soda with your dinner, caffeine that late, sigh. I had a naked girl in my bed last night and could barely get as hard as I wanted to, whole thing ended in a disaster.

I've been thinking a good while about this as usual guys, clearly a major issue in my life right now despite a lot of the things I have going right, including success with women. Clearly, this is something that is bothering more than, well, anything right now. I was almost forced to write down why I feel so hurt by it, almost think in my head through images and then write out my thoughts and really connect deep with what is happening. Ended up writing down a few things, once you identify the problem, you can fix it:

1. I think of all the college kids I knew who had their cliques, friends, and large groups which they had a lot in common with. Then I think of how I could never have that in my day and don't even have that now.

2. Think about the cool factor and prestige attached with number 1, how it is okay and cool because it is "college" which is almost synonymous with young and fun.

3. Think about the mental barrier in my head that society put in front of me, that you're not supposed to have an awesome social life after college, that you're not supposed to meet cool people and have a cool social life after college. That everyone after college is old, lame, and not as community oriented.

But then I thought of ways I can improve, things I can do on my end or long term goals I can set to aspire to. I mean, I have so much going for me in life that it is garbage this is bothering me so much.

1. I want to try and be connected to nightlife or other cool social scenes in NYC, like be ingrained in them to the point that I have some friends in those scenes. I read Chase's article about moving to a new city again recently.

2. I want to grow my social media following to something legitimate.

3. I need to work on a vision for what a cool social life looks like in your 20s, almost get it down to an image, and then work towards that. At least I am looking forward instead of looking back.

 

[Seppuku]

1. I think of all the college kids I knew who had their cliques, friends, and large groups which they had a lot in common with. Then I think of how I could never have that in my day and don't even have that now.

You are chasing ghosts in my opinion. What do you think happened with all these big college groups, two years, five years down the road? They each went their own ways. They got sucked into their jobs and careers. They got girlfriends and wifed them up. Then even later get kids. They all moved on to something else. These big groups were just a temporary thing in their lives. Eventually there is nothing left but memories of drunk parties.

But that's just my personal opinion.

But then I thought of ways I can improve, things I can do on my end or long term goals I can set to aspire to. I mean, I have so much going for me in life that it is garbage this is bothering me so much.

At last! That's the positive, forward looking view you should hold.

1. I want to try and be connected to nightlife or other cool social scenes in NYC, like be ingrained in them to the point that I have some friends in those scenes. I read Chase's article about moving to a new city again recently.

OK! So next question: what is your plan! Come up with some ideas on how to achieve that and make it real!

3. I need to work on a vision for what a cool social life looks like in your 20s, almost get it down to an image, and then work towards that. At least I am looking forward instead of looking back.

That would be a guy who works towards growing his career and position and status in society. He has a circle of friends that he meets once a week. He also has an evening or two devoted to a woman he likes. And hopefully he still has time to get in a gym regularly.

That is not an impossible goal!

So now what is your plan?

 

[Hue]

Probably the last time I comment on some shit like this with you Toby, but here goes nothing. I'll keep it short.

I need to work on a vision for what a cool social life looks like in your 20s, almost get it down to an image, and then work towards that. At least I am looking forward instead of looking back.

Most people that I know who are regularly partying in their 20's work in the service or music industry. That's probably because I work in the service industry and I have connections in the music industry from college and cold approaching dudes, so naturally, I'm surrounded by these people. At this age, I and everyone I'm referring to is fine with this as their profession, and we don't plan on doing it forever. This is short term fun, for most of us.

Most of these people, around the time they hit 30, get the fuck out. Party's over. At least, this scale of partying is over.

The cool people that I sometimes run into in this scene have high paying jobs, travel a lot, and surround themselves with cool people when they have time for it. This means cold approaching guys and girls. This means striking up conversations with strangers. This means using the money from their high paying jobs to seek out and go to party vacation spots, anywhere between Fort Lauderdale, to Cancun, to Thailand.

Seppuku wrote,

You are chasing ghosts in my opinion. What do you think happened with all these big college groups, two years, five years down the road? They each went their own ways. They got sucked into their jobs and careers. They got girlfriends and wifed them up. Then even later get kids. They all moved on to something else. These big groups were just a temporary thing in their lives. Eventually there is nothing left but memories of drunk parties.

This is accurate as fuck.

And it's not because "everyone just sucks after their 20's".

It's because those people outgrew the days of smashing beers on their heads and bragging to their friends about stupid shit that was only cool in college. They still go and have fun parties and get drunk if they so choose to, of course. But the SCENE is no longer important to them. The SCENE was for themselves as kids. Their LIVES are for themselves as adults. Finding friends in general you have to do by picking out which activities you like, or think you might enjoy, and talking to people at those activities.


So again, and idk why I'm replying again because you didn't care to respond to my other posts, go to fucking Thailand or [insert notorious party scene for people in their 20's here] and go crazy. PLENTY OF PEOPLE DO EXACTLY THIS. If you'd rather sit here and wallow in your own shit, go ahead. If you'd like to put in effort and try doing some shit like this, go ahead. Or maybe just show up and be one of the people in this video.

Good luck.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Therein lies my sorrow, yeah they outgrew it because they had it, I never had it and now want it. Not necessarily the smashing beers on head but having a crew of friends to have crazy experiences with. I don’t really even want one woman as much as I want to get around and have socially higher value cool friends as a part of that life who want the same. I want to avoid couples, married people, and people with families like the plague.

Surely I am not the only one that missed out on college and now want to makeup for the fun socially in my 20s and have a group of cool single people to do it with.

So let’s talk moving forward. Would I have to quit my 9 to 5 to come close to making this a reality?

I do want a side gig in a more fun industry if I can.

I really want a group of cool single fans and crowds of hot single women in their 20s who have not grown out of college even though they have graduated.

I cannot be the only guy who wants this in his 20s, there have to be a lot of people single, in their 20s, not ready to grow up unlike the fucking losers that peaked in college. There has to be a resolution to this and quite frankly, marriage and kids are not even an option for me and neither is growing up, ever. I want to find my tribe of lots and lots of like minded cool people in America, they have to be there, it cannot mostly be these fucking marriage with kids losers.

That is what I want, my tribe of fun cool people.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Are you really going to keep saying what you want here or are you gonna go find a way to get it?

Why don't you join a basketball team or something? Work a retail job part time and meet people there.

There's no point on being on here talking about how sad you feel about missing out in college.

I don't see why you have to quit your job to make friends. What have you tried lately to improve your situation?

 

[Grand Pooba]

I had a naked girl in my bed last night

Whoa whoa, whaaaat?! Did everyone else miss this?
What's the story here? Do share.

Toby wrote:
1. I think of all the college kids I knew who had their cliques, friends, and large groups which they had a lot in common with. Then I think of how I could never have that in my day and don't even have that now.

You are chasing ghosts in my opinion. What do you think happened with all these big college groups, two years, five years down the road? They each went their own ways. They got sucked into their jobs and careers. They got girlfriends and wifed them up. Then even later get kids. They all moved on to something else. These big groups were just a temporary thing in their lives. Eventually there is nothing left but memories of drunk parties.

Yeah this is exactly how it was for me in college - had a bunch of friends that partied a lot and we got drunk AF, but all I really have to show for it is a lot of wasted money and a couple of drunk memories. Only two of those friends out of dozens I'm still close to. In fact the negative memories burn more (things like getting too drunk and wasted to fuck girls, for example, even though they badly wanted me).

Toby - The grass is always greener on the other side

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I matched with a girl on a dating app, went on two dates with her and the third date was a sealed deal where she came over to my place. What happens is I end up taking her to my room and we make out, she was interested through and through, I mean she was DMing me nudes of her. It just so happens she comes over, we make out, but I am not really as into it since, lo and behold, my mind is still focused on this shit and not 100% on sex. It is like the situation just presented itself through the dating app I use but my heart was not in it, same with the other two sexual encounters I have had, this whole thing has led to me having a mini-depression that is killing my sex drive.

Back to the topic at hand, I wish I had those friends in college. Moving forward, I wish there was an opportunity to have those kinds of friends and social experiences now.

I just hate how clean the grown up world is, how happy hour is so tame compared to partying at a frat house and how social life is supposedly so stable and proper and formal compared to the fun of it that existed.

It's like one of the key reasons I moved to NYC is to get away with the traditional garbage that plagues America and most of the assbackwards world where people settle down with family and kids after college. At the same time though, I wonder if I am closing my eyes off to some opportunities that might exist in NYC. I really want to find my circle of like minded friends to have fun social experiences with, it has become a top priority for me along with digging my hands into nightlife somehow.

Hue, is it possible to bartend at a nightclub after the age of 30?

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

The worst part is I should have so much to be grateful for on paper. I live in an awesome city, have a job I love, things are going well, I get matches on dating apps and can get a date a week, and my life still has the potential to get better in some ways as I get more fit and live a healthier lifestyle. Yet this social life and fun demon has haunted me for years, starting out with me missing out on the social experience in college as it was happening because I could not connect with the in crowds who went to the same high schools and excluded me. Now I feel like I am rising and peaking but the opportunity for a quality social life and fun friends has gone away because everyone else my age sucks, they settle down, are more tame, and all the while I just want to party it up with the money I earn.....

Sleep around.

Party it up.

Have some friends to live those experiences with.

I thought that maybe moving to NYC might do a lot for my social life but I wonder if it is not an NYC vs insiginficant city issue as much as it is the issue of Americans just sucking hardcore and being shitty people after college.

 

[Hue]

Hue, is it possible to bartend at a nightclub after the age of 30?

This has already been addressed, but yes. It's less common for a nightclub. Plenty of people who make damn good cocktails because they love doing it and love the act of bartending continue to, but they usually go to fine dining, nice hotels, and resorts and shit. Those are a small minority of people who stay around that long. And I'll be completely honest.. unless you're in a really good company (and most industry companies are filled with very toxic people, it's apart of the tradeoff) you will find many, many reasons not to stay around that long. But you can't KNOW those reasons until you DO it.

Now I feel like I am rising and peaking but the opportunity for a quality social life and fun friends has gone away because everyone else my age sucks, they settle down, are more tame, and all the while I just want to party it up with the money I earn.....

Sleep around.

Party it up.

Have some friends to live those experiences with.

Dude... then go on vacation to where people do this shit. You can go alone. It will be weird at first, but if you buy the tickets and get yourself out there it will hit you that you have no limitations, no reputation, and, unless you're breaking tons of laws (and a few broken laws never hurts too much, right? (; ), no real reason to see consequences of your action.

Seriously bro, with all the replies you've gotten.. I see little no reason to continue typing replies to you trying to explain that America does indeed have these things to offer, even to late bloomers... If you don't show me some action you're taking after this I'm seriously putting you on my "foe" list and blocking you. Only one other account I've felt the need to do that to.

Seriously, go take a fucking vacation. In the country, out the country, whatever. Pick one and go party your fucking dick off. There will be TONS of people doing EXACTLY the same thing, that will be totally open to partying with complete strangers.

20 Trips to Take in Your Twenties


If you just "don't believe me" because you think that you're too much of a failure, then I can't help you. Because you're not. You're a human being just like everybody else and that makes you capable of overcoming your obstacles.

The only thing standing in your way is yourself.

And you've come to this realization before too.

If you've done it once you can do it again.

Remember that shit, man.

 

[Grand Pooba]

I matched with a girl on a dating app, went on two dates with her and the third date was a sealed deal where she came over to my place. What happens is I end up taking her to my room and we make out, she was interested through and through, I mean she was DMing me nudes of her. It just so happens she comes over, we make out, but I am not really as into it since, lo and behold, my mind is still focused on this shit and not 100% on sex. It is like the situation just presented itself through the dating app I use but my heart was not in it, same with the other two sexual encounters I have had, this whole thing has led to me having a mini-depression that is killing my sex drive.

Yeah, so you did this to yourself. I think this is the first time you've admitted it. I guess we can call that progress at least - that this is a thing within you and not because of the outside world.

all the while I just want to party it up with the money I earn.....

Sleep around.

Party it up.

Have some friends to live those experiences with.

Hue already made some suggestions and he's totally right.

Here's some more:
1. Go to Cancun, Cabo, or Panama City FL for Spring Break.
2. Go on a 20's cruise for a week in the summer. Summer is coming so there are plenty to book.
3. Go spend one month in Thailand, Bali, or Cancun, or Peru/Rio/Somewhere else in South America. Better yet, go be a host at a cool hostel, or become a tour guide for a while in these places.
4. Go to some big EDM festivals like Ultra in Miami, EDC in Vegas, Tomorrowland in Belgium

Don't tell us you can't...because you can. It's all a choice.
It's YOUR choice!

as much as it is the issue of Americans just sucking hardcore and being shitty people after college.

No, lol, it's just that most Americans and most people legitimately do not care about this sort of stuff, at all. Not all of them did this stuff, and even if they did they're far more concerned with things like earning money, getting cool jobs, living in cool cities, and getting laid. Apparently all of which you're able to do. So actually, most of these people are jealous of you right now, which I don't think you realize. Yes, that includes the people who partied it up many years ago.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Digging down to the nuts and bolts of it, I feel like the main thing in my life that needs improving is social life. The good news is that I am getting traction going with my matches on online dating, doing better there, and have a handful of girls down to go on a date or hang out with me, thank god Hinge! What I would really want is a group of guys and girls, not that big but just big enough, maybe even a handful, to go out with on weekend nights and to hit up places with. I feel like comparison is the thief of joy and if I keep comparing my social situation to that of a college freshman, I will always be depressed in life.

Then I started to realize, after watching a recent video by RSD, that my attitude plays a role in this as well. I do have a lot going in my favor as depressed as I may sound and I should be happy of that. I need to improve my outlook on life which I will work on daily, it can make a difference for sure, I just know it can.

Most of all, I have worked on a vision for myself in the future and my social life. I want to be a part of the cool social circles, the top notch nightlife groups, and also find a way to get a side gig as a bartender at a nightclub or bar I really like. Mix up with those kinds of crowds of fun party people, attractive women, and cool lifestyle perks. I want the Instagram account with thousands of followers and lots of likes on my pics. I want to be heading out to events and cool parties with a crew of my own and not alone.

Traveling is on the menu but the thing is, once you leave those destinations, you lose touch with those people.

Then I think about what really made me depressed enough to post this thread in the first place, the thought that you are not supposed to have this after college. The thought or perception going around that social life after college is so unusual or weird. Not seeing any of you on here or any of the dating coach gurus I look up to living that life.

Quite frankly for me, the whole pick a girl up, fuck her, and move on with your life is unfulfilling. Even an LTR is unfulfilling. Social life and social improvement should be about MORE than just women, dating and sex should be a part of it but not all of it. It should be about having friends that bring out the best in you, friends you are not embarrassed to introduce to hot girls, and friends who can help you in your journey than standing in your way. I never got this whole loner mindset that so many of you and even guys in general in the community have. I never got this whole having your social life revolve just around pussy and not putting much into socially connecting with people, only into having sex.

Even sex with a hot girl to me is like eating junk food, yeah its good then and there but then it kind of goes away.

I never got it and I never will why so many guys are against having a social life or think they are above it, it is a toxic mindset of its own. If you suck at connecting with people, then people will not buy from you and will not find you relatable which I do feel puts a ceiling on how far ahead you can get in life.

It is something worth more of a discussion for sure, I think it is a massive issue and guys who are in it just for the pussy are in a lifetime of misery and setting themselves up for a rude awakening.

 

[Grand Pooba]

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Heard that saying plenty of times.

 

[Michal]

Heard that saying plenty of times.

Then start taking action the right direction. Because using this forum as a vent pillow endlessly like you have been doing will cause Chase or Franco to come here and ban you.
You have guys like Oh Pry here who achieved what you want, what you are after. Don't risk being banned and potentially throw away future advice these guys can give you and steer your progress to higher levels when you get stuck just because you want to share your depressive thoughs one evening. Invest in your future by not screwing up the present.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I don't even know what the "right direction" is and tbh, not even sure if that poster you mentioned is much of a reliable source. It is like I have it all but I am not happy in life now because of a social life demon but it isn't social life alone, I want a quality social life but at the same time that relies on other people.

It is like I am trying to take this shit apart bit by bit.

I know I am too old for any of that college nonsense. I wish there was a group of people in their 20s who have nice jobs but are single, looking to make a lot of new friends, and have lots of fun times. Some light at the end of the tunnel in my heart tells me that maybe parts of Brooklyn NY might have what I am looking for socially, it isn't the pussy that is keeping me depressed, it is a lack of quality friends but I don't know how to make them because I don't know if they exist after a certain age.

 

[metalbird]

There is another component of this that I think is worth mentioning, Toby.

Look at life for most typical college students. Many times they are living on some combination of financial aid, scholarships, and/or daddy's bank account. They are surrounded by other people their age with lots of free time. Most four-year universities these days invest lots of money and time into developing thriving social scenes on and around campus -- booking big name bands and concerts regularly, scheduling screenings of hit movie premieres, bringing in high-power personalities to speak and give presentations. This is, as you sorta surmise, a sort of pseudo-paradisiacal environment.

And then what happens after they graduate? Yes, they move out on their own, get jobs, often pair out, some start having kids. But guess what. A lot of them, even the ones that had storybook college experiences, wind up in the VERY SAME BOAT you are. I can tell you how many 20-somethings I've met over the years that feel so let down by the reality of adult life after college. I've met plenty of 30 and 40 somethings that feel absolutely stuck in careers they hate with a spouse and a mortgage and kids, and they're fucking miserable. This, to be honest, is the norm, not the exception, for these college kids.

College is like a free playground to do whatever the fuck you want and make whatever mistakes you want on somebody else's time and somebody else's dime. That's a level of freedom very few people have throughout the rest of their lives outside of those four years. But, I want to offer you some advice in relation to your discouragement. That kind of lifestyle is actually very attainable for most people, even after college. They just don't realize it. Because they got those four years of free pass, they often develop the mindset once they've graduated that "Okay, fun's over, gotta be a boring adult now" even though they really still want to have fun like anybody else. Or, they get bogged down by responsibilities so quickly that they feel they have no choice but to sacrifice the things they really want for the things they already have.

Living that "do whatever the fuck you want" lifestyle is a big part of what this site is about. And it has very little to do with college; in fact, I've found that many of the people that are best at living this level of fulfilling life over the long term are people who didn't go to college at all. They're people who learned one way or another that happiness is something you create, not something you acquire. And all those post-college normies, what happens to them over time? They come back around too. Eventually, life gets us all. Their spouse dies or they get divorced. Kids grow up. They get laid off or retire. Or maybe they realize something, see a parent die maybe, and finally get the courage to break out of the boring-adult trend. The age group that has the most in common with college kids are the 55+ crowd, believe me.

Toby, it really comes down to this. If you can imagine the person you want to be, you can become that person. It sounds like you know what you want. So the question is, are you willing to do what it takes to get it? You ask questions like, "Will I have to quite my 9-5 job?" Maybe you will. I don't know. I can just about promise you that whatever it takes, it won't be easy. Nothing in life worth doing is. If the kind of happiness you want were easy, everyone would be fucking nirvana-dwelling Buddhist-hedonists and we'd live in a global utopia of peace, love, and THC or something. But happiness takes sacrifice. In fact, it's a fundamental component of happiness.

This world is full of people who aren't happy. And you'd best believe, that the more you strive towards happiness in your own life, the more you will find those people trying to stack the deck against you in various ways. Most of the time, they don't want to see you succeed because that would compromise their own internal beliefs that happiness is unattainable -- beliefs they use to justify their own miserable, compromised existences. If you ever want to truly be happy, you'll have to learn to say "fuck it" towards all the forces that stand in your way. Again, not easy. But a hell of a lot of fun

And you know what, life isn't that long man. We're all gonna die in the blink of an eye. So you really don't have a lot at stake to mess up one way or the other. Sometimes it helps to think of life like a really hardcore video game. Either way, it's not about how much you struggle, it's about how much you can come back from. And you can always tell yourself, "well, worse case scenario, I die". And when you really think about that, why not do whatever the fuck you want every single day?

Why not Toby?

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

The problem is I never had any of that in college and not just me, what about people who went to commuter schools? What about people who went to boring schools and not party schools? I never had that college experience or that social experience of college. Most of the kids I knew who were not spoiled Greek Life trash seemed to have some degree of urgency on life. You see, I never had the chance to experience any of that at all. That whole environment, I never had the chance to experience any of that stuff at all. No fun parties, cool friends, or anything.

Therein lies my struggle. Yeah I busted ass to get to where I am in my 20s where I have money and am doing well in so many aspects of life but I feel like my ceiling for fun, social life, and social fulfillment is low compared to some fraternity trash that peaked in college. I feel like I won't have the same opportunities because there is no post-college 20-something crowd of rich, successful, and cool people who are single and trying to find others like them.

That's my issue, why can't we just let those dumbfuck losers who decided to get married with kids rot in the suburbs with their mortgage, the idiots who didn't apply themselves rot away in irrelevance because they had it all handed to them in college, and why can't there be more people like me who are in their 20s, single, doing well in life, and finally looking to have fun that we could not have in college because we were not born with a golden spoon in our mouths?

I don't think successful single people should have to suffer in life like this. Surely, I mean surely, there must be countless others alive right now who are in their 20s, single, and looking to make new friends with other quality people like them.

Those college kids had their fun, they can suffer now from all sorts of crap in life, I could care less, they had their fun. It's my turn and time for people like me who worked their asses off, struggled while fratty mcprivilege was partying his ass off, and others like us to have ours. I mean I cannot for the life of me be alone, surely there are a lot of other adults who didn't fuck their lives up with marriage and kids who are open to making new friends, partying, and having fun social experiences.

Let those kids who had shit handed to them in college rot and suffer, they deserve it because they did not deserve their happiness in college which was given to them by rich loving parents. It is time that people who worked hard, had to struggle for their money, and had to put in the work to be where they are at get to enjoy the fruits of their labor.

 

[windywindy]

I think you need to get peace with the fact that you cannot recreate the past. You need to move on. I felt like running away multiple times from responsibilities because of the life I could have had, instead of what im having now and it makes no sense at all but I accepted that this is my life and not a fantasy.

I would suggest you read this :
https://fightmydepression.com/i-want-to-run-away-from-my-life-are-you-feeling-like-that-depression/

 

[naturalmikey]

You’re not living in the now. That kind of thinking doesn’t do you again good. It’s like your forcing yourself into unhappiness.