Escalation Problems/Overthinking -help!

[JT Sunshine]

Hey guys, would love some advice/perspective on the current situation I find myself in. Trying to get my first lay since getting back in the game, and my analytical, overthinking brain is getting the best of me.

For a bit of background, got a really solid phone number at the club a week or so ago. Really warm response to my initial text, we figured out schedule logistics to go on a date (her idea), all good. Date went well, kept things flirty, got to know her as best as I could (found a bit hard to deep dive as she’s 10 years younger than me and has no clue what she wants to do in life, I’m very established). Lots of playful touching, great eye contact. She had work early, so I seeded the plan for a future meetup, I should have just asked if I could come inside (lol) but I’ve always had a hard time pulling the trigger on that.

She had to go out of town for a bit, but texts me last night saying she’s back early. I had mentioned running an errand today and she asks if she could come with. I figured why not, would be more fun with some pretty company and I don’t want this one to stale out (she’s very attractive and I’m sure she gets hit on a lot).

Unfortunately spent most of our “hangout” today driving - it’s hard to kino escalate while dodging idiot drivers, but I made a point of grabbing her hand to check out her new nails, and standing VERY close to her in the store (she did not move away). We both had plans after but sat in the car for a bit and kept talking after I pulled up in her lot. I REALLY had to take a piss, felt it was a great innocent excuse to see her apartment, so I asked if I would get towed if I went upstairs to use her bathroom. She said “probably”, but I said “I’m willing to risk it”. She seemed kind of nervous about me coming up, but led the way.

Got in and relieved myself, came back out of the bathroom. She pointed and said - “that’s my room, but I’m not gonna show it to you cause it’s super messy”. It looked totally trashed she showed me the rest of her apartment, I made some light teasing about her decor. She introduces me to her cat, who was loving on me, and apparently hates people, so that’s a win. They say animals are the best judge of character

At this point my dumb ass just stood there trying to think of my next move, and she was like “I’ll walk you down if you’d like”. We head down to the door, she gives me a super long hug and says “let’s hang out again soon, I’ll text you and we can figure out a day”. As I’m driving off I catch her in the window looking down at my car with a big ass smile on her face.

SO… it still seems pretty clear to me that she’s interested… BUT… I’m smart enough to know that if I don’t at least heavy make out with her the next time we hang out, she’s going to think I’m either a pu**y or not interested, and I really don’t need any more friends. The old mystery method school of thought was that it takes 4-10 hours to “seduce” a girl, beyond that is friend zone. I’m sitting somewhere around 5 hours. Also, I plan on meeting many new girls in the near future and I’m too busy to play the long game with just one. Or maybe I’m overthinking this and she just needs a little extra comfort-building before I stick it in? I read all these same-day LRs and assume I must be fucking up on some level…

She seems interested, her body language is very open, she is receptive to my light touch, and she seems to be the one pursuing me (at least logistically). BUT I’ve tried to bring up topics like relationships and sex, and they just… don’t quite seem to hook with her. Is it possible she’s just really shy cause she’s young? She drinks and has tattoos, so she can’t be a total prude…

I know I simply need to lead, ramp up the physicality once we’re back at her place and just go for it. Might be easier now that I’ve been there for a brief moment and maybe she will feel more comfortable. Idk.

Any solid tips from you experienced guys? Either way I’m going for it, and will either get rejected or write a lay report LOL. I’m just SO rusty and still get nervous making moves on pretty girls. UGH!

My plan is to tell her we should get a drink at the new happy hour bar literal minutes from her place, then go back to watch a movie we’ve talked about watching together. I’m probably just overthinking shit cause it’s been so long, and I should just go for it and see what happens.
If I can perfect the process of approach - get number with date idea seeded - date out for drinks - watch movie - fuck, I’ll be golden for the rest of eternity.

Thanks in advance for any advice.
JT

 

[Marcellus]

First of all really nice on the approach and the date afterwards. Really smooth.
The problem is don't listen to this mystery 4-10hours to seduce a girl BS

Read this MULTIPLE times

Move Faster

Then after,
Invite her over to hang out/watch a movie/cook dinner together... and then when she's comfortable and the time is right GO FOR IT

@Skills would be really proud of u asking to use her bathroom move loved that clever thinking, it's so simple and effective

 

[JT Sunshine]

First of all really nice on the approach and the date afterwards. Really smooth.
The problem is don't listen to this mystery 4-10hours to seduce a girl BS

Thank you! I honestly need to get that shit clean out of my head. Old habits die hard, but you’re right, this one must die.

Read this MULTIPLE times

Will do.

Then after,
Invite her over to hang out/watch a movie/cook dinner together... and then when she's comfortable and the time is right GO FOR IT

Perfect. On the date I asked her favorite movie. Regardless of what movie she said, I was going to reply that I’d never seen it and that we should watch it together. It worked, she even suggested it. I’ll make that the next date, get her comfortable, then just pull her in for a kiss and go from there…

Skills would be really proud of u asking to use her bathroom move loved that clever thinking, it's so simple and effective

Perks of drinking a ton of water I’ll keep that one in my repertoire.

I really appreciate the sound advice Marcellus!

 

[rockstar]

Good job with getting the repeat dates - it seems like she's interested and that you have a goal/plan for the next one.

At this point my dumb ass just stood there trying to think of my next move

In that situation, you could either
1. Propose something to stay in her house: "I have a little free time now to {have a beer/show me that video you were talking about/whatever}"
2. Keep her talking/distracted for a couple minutes, so you can do 1 on a high point. Possibly call out her nervousness which will help relax her.
3. Head down yourself rather than waiting for her to suggest you go (always avoid waiting for the girl to do something). Might make the most sense here if you're parked illegally and she seems on edge

You needed the bathroom anyway, but I generally avoid trying to use excuses like this to get in the apartment and then close with most girls (in certain situations, this kind of thing can work though)

(found a bit hard to deep dive as she’s 10 years younger than me and has no clue what she wants to do in life, I’m very established)

There should still be a lot of things you can get her talking about. You used to be her age. The better you can understand the girls you want to sleep with, the better you'll do.

BUT I’ve tried to bring up topics like relationships and sex, and they just… don’t quite seem to hook with her.

How are you bringing them up and how is she responding?

I’m just SO rusty and still get nervous making moves on pretty girls. UGH!

For this one, you just have to ingrain it into yourself that you only get so many chances. I think when you're having issues like this, its useful to overcorrect and experiment with going faster than you think you can to help you calibrate.

Just ask yourself "Do I think she'll be receptive?". If you're newer you might not have a very good read on it, which is fine. In that case, the question is "What do I need to do to make her more receptive/compliant?" If you don't know/don't have a plan, then just go ahead and go for it.

Also, babystepping will help you here. What's the smallest move you can make that moves things forward? Do that. Then take the next step. etc. Sexualizing verbally, or escalating physically, can always be done in small, incremental baby steps. You should never be making big sudden moves.

In general, If you feel like you keep finding yourself with a girl thinking "Oh no, what do I do next?", then it might help you to have more structure to your dates/conversations. Something like:

1a. Flirt/tease and engage emotionally with the girl
1b. Show value through your fundamentals and the way you talk/what you say. Be the guy she'd wanna sleep with.
2. Get the girl investing in you a lot. Qualify her and let her "win you over".
3. Build lots of sexual tension and sexualize
4. Escalate/close

 

[JT Sunshine]

Good job with getting the repeat dates - it seems like she's interested and that you have a goal/plan for the next one.

Thank you - with good logistics and some structure I’m confident I can make it go well.

In that situation, you could either
1. Propose something to stay in her house: "I have a little free time now to {have a beer/show me that video you were talking about/whatever}"

I really think this would have worked. Wish I would have thought of that - will use this next time I find myself in that situation.

2. Keep her talking/distracted for a couple minutes, so you can do 1 on a high point. Possibly call out her nervousness which will help relax her.
3. Head down yourself rather than waiting for her to suggest you go (always avoid waiting for the girl to do something). Might make the most sense here if you're parked illegally and she seems on edge

Also rock solid advice. I know the towing company that has signs all over her lot and they are ruthless.

There should still be a lot of things you can get her talking about. You used to be her age. The better you can understand the girls you want to sleep with, the better you'll do.

We did talk a lot about how we were both pretty wild back in highschool, our crazy roommates. My last GF was 8 years younger than me, so I do have some experience with that age group. I’ll keep working on this. Stupid voice in my head tells me that it’s going to be harder to game girls in their early 20s as a 30-something, but she asked my age about 5 minutes after meeting her and it didn’t turn her off.

How are you bringing them up and how is she responding?

Great question. Not enough, now that I think about it. Her best friend is in a long-distance relationship, talked about how I haven’t ever tried that because I value physical connection/intimacy in relationships, she agreed but didn’t elaborate. Talked about sex toys (she brought this one up), how people have different fantasies and I framed it as me being open and very non-judgemental, again she agreed but didn’t elaborate. I should be asking her questions more directly to get her to engage more.

For this one, you just have to ingrain it into yourself that you only get so many chances. I think when you're having issues like this, its useful to overcorrect and experiment with going faster than you think you can to help you calibrate.

This has helped me in other aspects of my life. Spot on.

Just ask yourself "Do I think she'll be receptive?". If you're newer you might not have a very good read on it, which is fine. In that case, the question is "What do I need to do to make her more receptive/compliant?" If you don't know/don't have a plan, then just go ahead and go for it.

Again, solid. I could ask her about her hair color and start playing with it. I’ve gotten no resistance this far, why not.

Also, babystepping will help you here. What's the smallest move you can make that moves things forward? Do that. Then take the next step. etc. Sexualizing verbally, or escalating physically, can always be done in small, incremental baby steps. You should never be making big sudden moves.

In general, If you feel like you keep finding yourself with a girl thinking "Oh no, what do I do next?", then it might help you to have more structure to your dates/conversations. Something like:

1a. Flirt/tease and engage emotionally with the girl
1b. Show value through your fundamentals and the way you talk/what you say. Be the guy she'd wanna sleep with.
2. Get the girl investing in you a lot. Qualify her and let her "win you over".
3. Build lots of sexual tension and sexualize
4. Escalate/close

I’m great at 1a and 1b. Thinking about it I might over-rely on this. I definitely need to qualify more. I can build crazy sexual tension with my eyes, but should practice more verbally too. I’ll work on baby stepping the escalation but keeping it moving forward, and when I see the slightest window open go for the close.

Thank you for the super solid advice!