Botched dates this week: 2
Total dates: 3
Approaches since last post: 20
Missed opportunities: 4
This was a very eventful weekend, to say the least. I pushed myself to try some new things and work on old ones, and a lot of unexpected opportunities came up. I missed most of these—one of my sticking points in this game, which is an issue I have had for as long as I can remember, is missing key hints and signals, and missing acting on the escalation window before it closes. It’s so frustrating to look back in hindsight and see clearly what she wanted, what I could have done, and what I didn’t do that caused the window to close and her to auto-reject.
Another big discovery is how I run dates – it seems that my dates are too interview-y, and again not enough light repartee, banter, and chase framing thrown in to lighten the connection and build the attraction.
Anyway, this post describes a whole lot of situations from this weekend, and I'm splitting it into two posts. For brevity’s sake, the important ones are “Girl 7”, Girl “N”, Girl “A”, and “Marie”
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On Friday night, I invited some friends with me to go to a lounge in DC where some of my favorite DJ’s of this time happened to be playing that night. There were a total of five of us: me, my friend “M”, his friend and my acquaintance “N” who is a single girl, and one guy/girl couple. Girl “N” is an interesting type: very adventurous and sexually experienced (but hides it extremely well), and she likes to play along and “help” guys that she doesn’t think are that experienced in this art. I’ve always thought it’s just an act.
Anyway, I dressed as slick as I could. I had a feeling in my mind that there would be some very attractive women at this event. “N” even commented that I “looked great.” I’ve been getting that more these days, so I guess the look (especially the facial hair) is working.
Girl 1:
My friends “M” and “N” were asking me how I approach girls near the bar, and what my line is and what the best line is. I told them that the best line is no line, and suddenly Girl “N” was agreeing with me, and asking me to show her how it’s done by practicing on her so that she can “verify” how good it is. In my mind, I thought “wow, she is so silly and cute,” and I just happened to see a girl unoccupied holding two bags immediately to my left side. This is how I would introduce myself.
I practiced making some sexual frames here:
Me: “What brings you to this show? Is it the music?”
Her: “Haha, no, I came here after a fashion show. What about you?”
Me: “Yeah, I love this kind of music, its house and it’s more rhythmic than that other shit.”
Her: “Don’t you kids call it EDM these days?” <In retrospect, since she called me a kid, I should have challenged her on that, I think>
Me: “Well, yeah, that’s a whole different kind anyway and with its own feel ”
Her: “Yeah, when the beat stops and you hear the climax it feels really good”
Me: “…so you like climaxes?”
Her: “Haha, yeah I do!” (wink)
Me: “Cool, well, I really appreciate how <I deepen and slow my voice> deep and rhythmic and passionate this kind of music is…don’t you?”
…<She’s smiling>…
Me: “How did you get into it?”
Anyway, she was cool and we got to deep dive a bit, and she also was giving me heavy eye contact, smiles and winks, but I stopped talking to her when she got her drink and moved to her friends. This was a mistake, my first mistake tonight: I did not get her number or try to make new plans with her, or take her somewhere to talk a little more or even inquire what her plans later were. It was warm up, but she was cute and she seemed like she was down for something that night. Oops.
Girl 2 and Girl 3:
I got sidetracked with this one a little bit. I really wanted to engage Girl 2 (who is more of my desired look), but ended up talking with Girl 3 and number closing in the end. I approached by making heavy eye contact with Girl 2 and saying “Hey….I feel like I’ve met you before and I know you from somewhere…” which garnered interest and led us to introducing ourselves to each other, but definitely wasn’t direct enough in retrospect. She moved away eventually to talk to another one of her girl friends but leaving Girl 3 unoccupied, and with whom I conversed about a variety of topics for a while. We number closed but she seemed a little unsure about meeting up again due to the fact that we’re not living in the same city (relationship evaluation here?) Actually, more than anything else, she seemed skeptical.
Girl 4:
This was the best approach of the night. I pre-opened: She was standing with her friends facing away from my path of walking, so I approached at about her 4:00 and touched her lightly on the arm. I forgot what I said to her, but I opened directly and moved her away and out of people, and number closed after about 10 minutes. We had some interesting conversation, in that she wouldn’t give out her last name but was adamant that I share what I do with her; I only told her I am a designer, and that I wouldn’t tell her the rest until she told me her last name. She told me she’d tell me when we meet again, so I agreed and left it there. I attempted to get a schedule settled with her as well, but not to much avail at this time.
She did not want to continue talking to me much longer after trading information, and kept saying she had to go find her friends. What to do in this situation?
Unfortunately, I’ve reached out to her and have yet to hear anything. Boo…I will try again tomorrow and see what I can do.
Girl 5:
This girl was totally not into me and gave me a pretty hard time when I tried to push for us to hang out again. She kept saying it would never work because I live in a different city, and basically threw out every reason she could think of not to do anything. This behavior a month ago used to really phase me, but now I am quite okay with it after seeing that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Sometimes it’s just not worth the hassle, but I persisted and pushed, and failed, for the sake of practicing persistence.
Girl 6:
Started an approach, same as Girl 2, but this time she walked off and started talking to her friend. I said “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” and after we introduced ourselves she walked off.
It seems this opener is not ideal unless coupled with some form of direct, genuine interest. Actually, maybe genuine interest is just better. I will start using that more exclusively from now.
Girl 7:
Definitely the most interesting of the night, and the biggest missed opportunity. I pushed Girl 7 into auto-rejection later on in the night, as she was DEFINITELY feeling horny and wanted to do something sexual, but I could not pull her despite trying.
I noticed her ordering a drink all by herself at the bar, she had a really nice body and she was wearing a white dress in contrast to virtually everyone else wearing black at this lounge, so I slowly worked my way there and positioned myself to her right side. Then I pre-opened with the outside of my left hand touching her upper arm:
Me: “Hey, I really like your style, you wore white in a sea of people wearing black. It really stands out. What’s your name?”
We were sharing info and connecting, and it also helped (or in some ways didn’t help) that she was kind of drunk and thus hard to understand, but over time I realized I just met a model from LA. She started to show me her work on my phone, which was also a great opportunity to exchange contact info with her smoothly for use later. I think this took five minutes.
And as we continued to talk at the bar, her body started getting really close to me. Granted, I was using heavy touching and physical contact AND eye contact to establish myself as a dominant man, and clearly it was working very, VERY well. I used my left arm to pull her into my intimate zone, and she happily obliged as we were talking about her talents and aspirations. It felt like I could have kissed her at ANY minute, and that moment lasted for at least ten to fifteen minutes. I purposefully did not kiss, as I understand according to theory that this releases tension, and I wanted to keep it.
I tried to use a pull. Unfortunately my place was pretty far away, about half an hour, and I had to find a way to smoothly get her out there. As she was also a fashion designer, I suggested that we go back to her place so that she might show me her line of clothes and shoes, which I demonstrated an interest in:
“So, your stilettos are by your home, right? I’d like to see them, is it close-by?”
She laughed, and said that we’re not going by her place. I persisted and asked why not, and continued to ask about it. But nothing came out of it. Pulling is a problem for me, a sticking point.
****
I regret this in retrospect because the idea of going to a location such as the bathroom did not even occur to me! Certainly this failure has opened me up to this potential, because there was a window, I knew in some part of me that there WAS a window, and I tried pulling her home and stopped, and it didn’t even occur to me that I needed to make something happen THEN AND THERE! Shit!
****
I tried to get her over to the dance floor so we could dance. I moved her by leading with my hand in hers and leading by the arm, but she had a drink, and being already kind of tipsy she just started to spill it. Now I have to occupy her until she finishes, ugh. This took a good twenty minutes of slow sipping, and eventually I just stopped talking to her and waited…maybe not something to do. She sped up this time.
We danced and it was nice and sensual and close. She has a really nice body. This is where I should have DEFINITELY done something! Our connection was still intimate at this time and the window open, but in retrospect decreasing.
*Then randomly, out of the blue, she goes to the bathroom. She tells me she has to go, and I tell her that she can meet me back here. Maybe this was a signal or something to take her then and there. It did not occur to me yet again that I can take her to this location and escalate then and there.*
Now, this is also where the night got really interesting: unbeknownst to me, in the process of doing everything I was going, the single girl in my group, “N” who is an acquaintance of mine, was getting very jealous and was starting to show her own signs of interest. I totally missed this the whole night. But at the bar when I parted with Girl 7 for her to go to the bathroom (and then auto-reject), “N” came to talk to me and asked where she went. When I told her the bathroom, “N” FOLLOWS her to the bathroom! I didn’t even see this happen until I got water for “N” and went to find her to give it to her, only to see her talking to Girl 7.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was witnessing jealousy of my interactions, something that would bite me in the ass later in fact when I continued to miss such signals. I have no idea what “N” said to Girl 7, and it could have been bad. Who knows, but either way, in the future this is something to look out for and prevent.
When Girl “7” came back, I tried to pull her back on the dance floor but she kept saying that she needs to “go find her friend” and connect with her, some bullshit excuse. I half believed this, but as I don’t really know what auto-rejection behavior is, I was missing these indicators too. We parted ways having traded numbers already, but the only thing I could see after that was Girl “7” standing all by herself at the corner of the dance floor, just waiting. No “friend” ever came, and even when I tried to pull her in to dance again she refused over the same excuse. Definitely auto-rejection!
After Girl 7, things really ramped down for me. It was getting later, the place was starting to empty out and my friends were getting tired and wanted to go home. I was starting to lose the mood as well. It’s very true that the best time to meet girls is earlier in the night.
Girl 8, 9, 10:
Got nowhere with these.
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The situation with Girl “N”:
I bought tickets for everyone for this show, we all met at my house and hung out there for an hour before going out to this place. I also asked them to pay me back, but "N" only had $10 for the $22 show, so I told her not to worry about it, we'll figure it out some time. Anyway, we all head to the lounge, and here is relevant info:
1030pm:
When we were walking to the lounge I point out to my guy friend a random girl walking with a guy on the street and what nice legs she had. “See that?...She has nice legs.” Girl "N" agrees (she likes giving her input on lots of things, on the car ride over we were all talking about the ideal boob size), and my guy friend disagrees because legs just don't do anything for him.
1100pm-0100am:
I approached and talked to quite a number of very attractive girls at this lounge. Many right in front of this girl "N". I wasn't trying to make her jealous, she just happened to be close by a number of times. In fact, one girl "7" that was really, really into me and who turned out to be a fashion designer and model, we were dancing and "7" really, really wanted to hook up with me. I think I pushed "7" into auto-rejection by not reading the signs correctly and taking her to the bathroom to escalate right there and then, but...girl "7" said she had to go to the bathroom. "7" and I split ways, she went to the bathroom, I went to the bar to talk with my guy friend. Moments later, "N" comes up to me and asks what happened with "7". I told her "7" went to the bathroom, then turn around to the bar. I grab water for "N" but notice that she's gone, and upon looking for her find out she ALSO went to the bathroom and is now talking to "7" in line! Why would she do this?
0140am:
Anyway, my guy friend later on decides he really wants to leave...he's tired...
0145am:
On the walk out, three of us are walking together and "N" remarks that it’s pretty cold out. I tell her that actually, I’m feeling pretty good right now, it’s not that bad. She instantly remarks: “Are you kidding? It’s so cold…look at my legs, can you see how cold they are?” <I replied that I couldn't tell, but I believe her.> Is/was she trying to drop me a hint here to check out her legs, because I referred to liking legs earlier in the night?
0145am:
On this walk she also says that Saturday is her "me" time, and that she just wants to spend time with herself.
0150-0215am:
On the ride back, she thanked me for driving us all, out of the blue, something she also did on the ride over.
0215am:
Outside when we are in front of my house, where her and my guy friend's car is parked, she thanks me for paying for her and says that she still owes me some money for the ticket. She asks how and when she can pay me back, and I reply that it's okay, she can pay me sometime and I don't know when that will be. <I was just being honest because I didn't know when I'd see her again>. She got offended by this statement and basically stammered something like "what do you mean you don't know when that will be!" as if she was upset that I would refuse to spend time with her or see her again. <does this mean she is intrigued?> I then told my group (now four, the guy from the couple came back with us) that I should take advantage of my house while my dad's still out of town and there's no one there, and that we should all hang out there tomorrow. Maybe watch a movie. Everyone, including "N", agreed <implying a change of her plans>, and then I bid "N" farewell and told her to drive home safe.
Later that night I realized that she may have been dropping hints to hang out, the two of us, or hell even take her home that same night since she was already right there at my place (Shit!).