Backstory
I connected with this woman on an online dating system. She seemed eager to meet so I prioritized the date. I had offered her a day this week and a day next week. She wasn't available on the day this week so she chose the day next week. I booked us a table at a local bar /restaurant place. But then on the day this week that I offered, she sent me a message that her current plan was ending early and that she'd be free to meet if I was. I weighed it up and although I felt like a quiet night with the TV, I went with the spirit of moving fast and said yes. So the date was just one hour later and it would be at the same place for a drink together.
The date
I ran a little late and she had gotten us a table. The music was loud so it wasn't the ideal atmosphere but it would have to do. We greeted each other and there was general chitchat. After about 15 minutes of quite fast paced chitchat, I suggested that we go buy some drinks. I paid without making a big fuss, though I slightly had to defend myself for ordering a non alcoholic beverage while she ordered alcohol. I'm actually fully non alcoholic and it's usually something to say proudly but I don't want a woman thinking that she can't drink alcohol when she's with me or have a heavy drinking woman thinking that we're too different. So I just said that I haven't been drinking alcohol for a while, but might go back one day. Anyway when we sat down she let me try some of her drink.
I felt that she was quite comfortable with me because I touched her arm a few times and she seemed fine with it. She commented on my beard (I'm a clean shaven dater but this date was scheduled just an hour in advance so I had some beard) and I asked her to feel it, and she did. When I moved my head and leaned in a little, she mirrored me and did the same. That is, she leaned in and kept eye contact.
I don't remember much of what we spoke about but a few major topics. Firstly, she asked me about my past relationships. This is a real problem for me because I'm an old guy and I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm not good at lying. I told her that none of the women that I've dated have led to anything serious but I knew that this was weak because I'm old. I need to think about how to handle this screen. One other topic was that her religion is quite important to her. I told her that I'm not religious but know a lot about many religions and told her some stuff about her religion. I don't know if this was a good thing (similarity) or a bad thing (satisfying her screen and qualifying).
It quickly came up that we both lived with family and that therefore we didn't have logistics. The way the date went, it felt like there was a good mood from both of us and that the date was missing a big escalation move. But without logistics, what was it? Was this date just doomed to fail without the logistics? The way that she kept saying that she dates with a purpose and wants a long term relationship made me think that I might have an opportunity at a multi date seduction. But this was wrong, because she soon stopped texting me. Attraction has an expiration date and mine is always just a few hours after meeting!
I suggested to go and sit outside (outdoor where it's quieter. I figured that it would be a more quiet and intimate feel suitable for any touching. But it turned out to be cold and so we both put on our jackets and I didn't do much touching beyond the arm stuff.
It was getting late and so we said goodbye and went home separately. I said that I'd 'walk her to her car' which was kind of funny because her car was maybe 10 yards from the door, and she said yes. That was the last bit of chit chat before we said goodbye.
After the date she seemed enthusiastic to go out again but she didn't schedule anything readily, turned out to be unavailable on the day that we had originally booked next week and then stopped responding to my messages. I'll go back and be persistent but I know that it was a bad date and she's not going to want to go on more dates.
Questions
1. How do I handle a question about my dating history and past relationships? I'm old (over 30) and the actual answer to any such question is that I've been rejected consistently for the past 6.5 years. I've turned down a few women, less than 5, all of whom were either too old, too heavy or wanted to wait for marriage. I've been on over 60 dates and pretty much all of them have led to rejection. So what do I say about this?
2. She mentioned her religious background/lifestyle and how it would be important that a boyfriend would be able to understand it. When she says this, am I supposed to explain how I appreciate and understand her religious background or do I stay quiet because doing so would be qualifying myself and falling for her screen?
3. Was this date doomed as soon as we found that there were no logistics, or could I have done something to make it go better? More touching and physicality in public?
I connected with this woman on an online dating system. She seemed eager to meet so I prioritized the date. I had offered her a day this week and a day next week. She wasn't available on the day this week so she chose the day next week. I booked us a table at a local bar /restaurant place. But then on the day this week that I offered, she sent me a message that her current plan was ending early and that she'd be free to meet if I was. I weighed it up and although I felt like a quiet night with the TV, I went with the spirit of moving fast and said yes. So the date was just one hour later and it would be at the same place for a drink together.
The date
I ran a little late and she had gotten us a table. The music was loud so it wasn't the ideal atmosphere but it would have to do. We greeted each other and there was general chitchat. After about 15 minutes of quite fast paced chitchat, I suggested that we go buy some drinks. I paid without making a big fuss, though I slightly had to defend myself for ordering a non alcoholic beverage while she ordered alcohol. I'm actually fully non alcoholic and it's usually something to say proudly but I don't want a woman thinking that she can't drink alcohol when she's with me or have a heavy drinking woman thinking that we're too different. So I just said that I haven't been drinking alcohol for a while, but might go back one day. Anyway when we sat down she let me try some of her drink.
I felt that she was quite comfortable with me because I touched her arm a few times and she seemed fine with it. She commented on my beard (I'm a clean shaven dater but this date was scheduled just an hour in advance so I had some beard) and I asked her to feel it, and she did. When I moved my head and leaned in a little, she mirrored me and did the same. That is, she leaned in and kept eye contact.
I don't remember much of what we spoke about but a few major topics. Firstly, she asked me about my past relationships. This is a real problem for me because I'm an old guy and I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm not good at lying. I told her that none of the women that I've dated have led to anything serious but I knew that this was weak because I'm old. I need to think about how to handle this screen. One other topic was that her religion is quite important to her. I told her that I'm not religious but know a lot about many religions and told her some stuff about her religion. I don't know if this was a good thing (similarity) or a bad thing (satisfying her screen and qualifying).
It quickly came up that we both lived with family and that therefore we didn't have logistics. The way the date went, it felt like there was a good mood from both of us and that the date was missing a big escalation move. But without logistics, what was it? Was this date just doomed to fail without the logistics? The way that she kept saying that she dates with a purpose and wants a long term relationship made me think that I might have an opportunity at a multi date seduction. But this was wrong, because she soon stopped texting me. Attraction has an expiration date and mine is always just a few hours after meeting!
I suggested to go and sit outside (outdoor where it's quieter. I figured that it would be a more quiet and intimate feel suitable for any touching. But it turned out to be cold and so we both put on our jackets and I didn't do much touching beyond the arm stuff.
It was getting late and so we said goodbye and went home separately. I said that I'd 'walk her to her car' which was kind of funny because her car was maybe 10 yards from the door, and she said yes. That was the last bit of chit chat before we said goodbye.
After the date she seemed enthusiastic to go out again but she didn't schedule anything readily, turned out to be unavailable on the day that we had originally booked next week and then stopped responding to my messages. I'll go back and be persistent but I know that it was a bad date and she's not going to want to go on more dates.
Questions
1. How do I handle a question about my dating history and past relationships? I'm old (over 30) and the actual answer to any such question is that I've been rejected consistently for the past 6.5 years. I've turned down a few women, less than 5, all of whom were either too old, too heavy or wanted to wait for marriage. I've been on over 60 dates and pretty much all of them have led to rejection. So what do I say about this?
2. She mentioned her religious background/lifestyle and how it would be important that a boyfriend would be able to understand it. When she says this, am I supposed to explain how I appreciate and understand her religious background or do I stay quiet because doing so would be qualifying myself and falling for her screen?
3. Was this date doomed as soon as we found that there were no logistics, or could I have done something to make it go better? More touching and physicality in public?
