Unsure If I'm Reading Cues Accurately

[funkyjam]

I'm (glacially and sporadically) making progress with hitting on girls at the grocery store (read: actually trying). I can make small talk, make observations, ask a question, and follow up on whatever she says. I was talking with a girl earlier at Whole Foods, she was responsive and we talked for a minute or two about purple potatoes. But she never asked me a question. It feels like she's being reciprocal and polite by responding and not ignoring me, but that's the extent of it. I can say two or three things and see if the conversation takes off, but I'm not going to plow forever. In my mind, she isn't hooked if she doesn't ask me a question or change the topic of conversation, something beyond just responding to whatever I say.

I can't tell if I just need to shift gears off of the situational approach topic, or if she was gonna hook, she would've hooked on the initial topic. What's your go-to change of topic after the initial situational approach?

For better or worse, studying pickup has somewhat led me to believe that you can hook any girl if you say the right thing, which obviously isn't true.

I suppose I have the option to just go direct after starting the conversation, but it feels weird to do that, as though the original approach was a ruse or something. But maybe that's the way to go? What works for you guys?

 

[Chase]

@funkyjam,

Try this:

1. Open situationally.
   
   
2. At some point 30-60 seconds in, "suddenly notice" something you like about her style or appearance and point it out to her in a genuine way. The easiest one is as soon as she smiles tell her, "You have a really nice smile!" in a sort of "Wow, I just noticed that, but it really struck me!" sort of way. You can also compliment on clothes: "You know, I really like this blouse! You have a great sense of style!"
   
   
3. She may act flattered but still polite; or she may actually start to signal you, suddenly realizing that this could actually be more than just a platonic conversation (she may simply not have realized that until you showed some potential interest in her).

There's other stuff you can do instead of this, such as compliance testing, opener cycling (which the compliment 30-60 seconds in technically is), etc. But this should give you an easy one to start with.

Chase

 

[funkyjam]

Perfect, thank you. I'll give it a shot!

 

[StrayDog]

so I just made a post for another all about this. Tactics and strategies for generating conversational momentum post opening. Tons of material you can steal.

Gameboy's Journal

Not much action today. I saw few single girls, mostly groups and couples. Tried to open a hot young latina on the beach, but got ignored. I said "hi", but she would just stare at the sea and say nothing. I persisted and said "How's it going?" but still no reply, so I left her alone. Second...

www.skilledseducer.com

also my #1 shopping opener
https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/1-shopping-opener.28215/

I suppose I have the option to just go direct after starting the conversation, but it feels weird to do that, as though the original approach was a ruse or something.

I understand the concern and the answer is maybe. Really depends on what you opened with and how incongruent switching to direct would feel. A lot of times it can be just what you need to get momentum going though. So just calibrate

Check out those posts though. I think you feel find a lot of what you are looking for

 

[funkyjam]

Thanks, StrayDog. There is lots of detail there to work with.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

@funkyjam,

Try this:

1. Open situationally.
   
   
2. At some point 30-60 seconds in, "suddenly notice" something you like about her style or appearance and point it out to her in a genuine way. The easiest one is as soon as she smiles tell her, "You have a really nice smile!" in a sort of "Wow, I just noticed that, but it really struck me!" sort of way. You can also compliment on clothes: "You know, I really like this blouse! You have a great sense of style!"
   
   
3. She may act flattered but still polite; or she may actually start to signal you, suddenly realizing that this could actually be more than just a platonic conversation (she may simply not have realized that until you showed some potential interest in her).

There's other stuff you can do instead of this, such as compliance testing, opener cycling (which the compliment 30-60 seconds in technically is), etc. But this should give you an easy one to start with.

Chase

Love this! And the compliment one is usually my preferred style

But sometimes I have difficulties transitioning from the compliment after she says "thank you"

Is it best to go back to the initial topic we were on before the compliment or pivot to something else?

 

[SteelbookCollector]

another sarcastic reminder, i believe, and its the only thing that matters, is that, is that men only, not women, men are the only ones that have to be able to read and understand a womans signs of interest and non-interest, not the other way around, it makes me laugh and cringe that women even bother to ask for advice on how to tell if a man likes them or is not interested, since for all time, and likely all eternity, the person who has to make advances, is the one who has to learn all this stuff.

 

[StrayDog]

another sarcastic reminder, i believe, and its the only thing that matters, is that, is that men only, not women, men are the only ones that have to be able to read and understand a womans signs of interest and non-interest, not the other way around, it makes me laugh and cringe that women even bother to ask for advice on how to tell if a man likes them or is not interested, since for all time, and likely all eternity, the person who has to make advances, is the one who has to learn all this stuff.

Not true. Where are you getting this stuff from man?

 

[SteelbookCollector]

Not true. Where are you getting this stuff from man?

well i figure a solid reason why i feel it only matters that only guys, men, not women, that need to be able to read the subtle signs, interest or non-interest of another person, is because for all time, and likely all eternity, the person who makes advances and is doing the pursuing, here is where i go into it:

Obviously because for all time men are the ones expected to make advances on a woman they like and if the advances they make are awkward or in violation of the person's boundaries they are labeled as creepy or weird or stalkerish, uncomfortable.

Obviously women will never have to deal with that because their never expected to make advances on a man they like and let's say if the roles were reversed or flipped around.

Women will never risk getting thrown those negative labels because women won't be perceived as a danger or a threat in a man's eyes but obviously it's not that way the other way around because men are typically on average a little bit bigger and a little bit stronger than women. Because of that, men can easily unfortunately be perceived or viewed as a danger or a threat in a woman's eyes.

Even though people will say to men to don't walk on eggshells when interacting with women but I do believe obviously men need to be more careful on how they interact with women a lot more than the other way around due to what I said above.

So yeah basically men need to be socially smarter than women do or just men need to have much better social skills or have a much higher Social IQ than women do when navigating social situations or social interactions between the 2 sexes, thats why it makes more sense for a guy, man, to be able to read a womans signs of interest and non-interest.