Tips for picking up in Coffee Shops?

[Hue]

Hello all,

I'm taking a 3 month sobriety break going into 2024 to get my finances handled and my fitness in top performance. So I won't be going to as many bars, clubs and house parties to game (which has been my bread and butter for the last decade or so). I'll do some sober night game, but lifestyle and sleep health-wise, it seems more sustainable to push myself more into day game.

Earlier this year I picked up a college chick that was throwing IOI's my way at a coffee shop, and fucked her a few days later on another coffee date. It felt easy, was a cheap date, and I was super productive before I started talking with her. That time I was researching product costs for a business idea I had, and looking into manufacturing. I drew a picture of the concept on a napkin, and after I opened the girl (who was just to my left) she asked me about it and it made for some decent rapport. The way I got her number was fun. She goes, "they say that 90% of the best ideas start on a napkin actually" and I go, "ohh..... you know..... I think you're right. Here - one sec" and then wrote "Let's get coffee again sometime ###-###-#### " and passed it to her. She got so red in the face and excited lol it was perfect. Shortly after, we picked a day and she left with a smile. I had also dropped a watered down version of my sex therapist gambit (considering this was in the day) and that came up for our date. On the date, she literally jumped on my lap and started asking me about it before I brought her home and fucked her.


So, I'd like to get more comfortable doing these sorts of seductions. Some things I've considered are:

- Go somewhere trendy (not Starbucks / Dunkin Donuts)
- Dress fashionable
- Be busy with something
- Place yourself either next to the girl you like or in an open space to attract girls hovering
- Pause sometimes to kinda look around and let her notice that you've checked her out pre-open
- Use this time for creative conversations and deep dives
- When being sexual, keep it somewhat watered down for the quiet, public, and intimate setting coffee shops can be
- Don't be afraid of breaks to create a vacuum and withdrawal for your attention

Anyone with a lot of experience with coffee shop seductions? Ideally I want to get good enough to pull of a same-day lay or build some weekly consistency.


Also - one specific question. Do you think it's better to end things yourself, or kinda feel her out to see if she leaves?

On one hand, the classic "end things on your own time" is high value and can absolutely create that withdrawal effect.

On the other hand, you don't want the girl to think you came to a coffee shop just to get girls' numbers. If you're working, then get her number, it might actually be better that she leaves before you, and you just keep working (consistent frame). I wouldn't want to game her, return to work, and then lose the opportunity to end on a high note. I'm sure frame control and calibration can be used for whatever the true context is, but for the sake of having a roadmap I wasn't sure on this one.


I could also see how this could become a social circle type of game if you see the same regulars at the same spots, which could be both good and bad for being successful long-term.

Open ears to anyone who'd like to comment.


Hue

 

[Hue]

Found this on r/seduction. Seems like some good, basic tips. Also seems to not be afraid of a direct approach.

https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/acb540

1. Look presentable. Dress decently. Have clothes that fit and aren't excessively worn. Don't wear stupid T shirts or half destroyed shoes. Wear maybe a button down shirt, jeans, and some nice leather shoes. Be well groomed. Don't have a neck beard..at all. Have a hairstyle that looks like you put some work into it, not just messy. And don't smell bad.
2. Order a drink so you don't go in to just meet a girl. Sometimes you wont see a girl you like and it's okay to just get a coffee and bail if no one else walks in.
3. Approach. Walk up directly and confidently. Don't give a fuck if other people see you. They will actually mostly be inspired by your courage if you do it confidently enough. Even the staff will be impressed and leave you alone usually (if they even notice).
4. Compliment. Say something like this "Excuse me, I realize you are studying, but you have super gorgeous hair and I thought I should come talk to you." or "This may be a bit out there, but I love your outfit. You look like you're a classy girl. Mind if I sit down to talk for a second?" Specific compliments are better, they feel more personal.
5. Conversation. Literally just have a normal conversation with her. Ask her about her life and what she's doing at a coffee shop. Make sure you're leading it. Don't play mysterious. Tell her about yourself, but let her talk more than you. Make her the star of the conversation.
6. Eye contact. This is important as you only have maybe 5 minutes to convince her to go on a date with you. Maintain pretty much the entire time if not the whole time. Eye contact is intense and creates intense feelings. Intense feelings are good for someone you want to sleep with.
7. Pull. When the conversation reaches a natural end point, ask her out. Qualify her if you liked her. Example "You seem smart and fun, we should meetup later for tea." or "I like your ambitious personality, let's meetup for a drink some time."
8. Number. If you follow all these steps without doing something weird, you'll probably get a number about half the time if she's single. Of those numbers, you might expect 1 in 5-15 to text back depending on your skill. I'd recommend texting her maybe 3 or 4 hours after the meeting with something like "Glad to meet you today! This is xxx". You could have a short conversation with her to build rapport, but I'd recommend asking her out quick. Ask her out either that day or the day after and set up a date.

If you got rejected on a direct approach, I could see how the sting or the awkwardness would be much higher in a coffee shop. Are you to just sit somewhere else and stop approaching? For reputational management, I'd guess that you kinda have to make the shot count (not be approaching several women at the same coffee shop).

 

[DarkJedi]

Hey @Hue ,

I think you're right on the money with how it should go with the indirect approach, and with your nightgame experience you'll quickly adapt.

I'm no expert but I've done some approaches in the coffee shops. Don't do it often coz its not convenient for me to work from a coffee shop.

Direct definitely works as the reddit comment suggests and I've got numbers off it. It is definitely noticed by the staff, so I've only done one approach per visit. That too, after going to the same coffee shop, they started giving me looks lol, even though I was never outright rejected by a girl. So I suggest keeping the direct approach only to coffee shops you don't go regularly to.

Also - one specific question. Do you think it's better to end things yourself, or kinda feel her out to see if she leaves?

On one hand, the classic "end things on your own time" is high value and can absolutely create that withdrawal effect.

On the other hand, you don't want the girl to think you came to a coffee shop just to get girls' numbers. If you're working, then get her number, it might actually be better that she leaves before you, and you just keep working (consistent frame). I wouldn't want to game her, return to work, and then lose the opportunity to end on a high note. I'm sure frame control and calibration can be used for whatever the true context is, but for the sake of having a roadmap I wasn't sure on this one.

I'd vote for leaving on a high note on most situations, and by leaving I mean getting back to your work. If you're working, it makes sense that you wanna get back to your work soon. "Your purpose more important than the girl. She just happened to be a beautiful distraction"

 

[Hue]

Hey @Hue ,

I think you're right on the money with how it should go with the indirect approach, and with your nightgame experience you'll quickly adapt.

I'm no expert but I've done some approaches in the coffee shops. Don't do it often coz its not convenient for me to work from a coffee shop.

Direct definitely works as the reddit comment suggests and I've got numbers off it. It is definitely noticed by the staff, so I've only done one approach per visit. That too, after going to the same coffee shop, they started giving me looks lol, even though I was never outright rejected by a girl. So I suggest keeping the direct approach only to coffee shops you don't go regularly to.


I'd vote for leaving on a high note on most situations, and by leaving I mean getting back to your work. If you're working, it makes sense that you wanna get back to your work soon. "Your purpose more important than the girl. She just happened to be a beautiful distraction"

Yeah that's how I could see it going. Get noticed once and you're basically flagged by the caffeinated patrons and staff, lol.


In regard to the high note / returning to my work. If you're next to the girl, "returning to your work" would mean ceasing conversation without removing the physical closeness.

A quick fix, actually, is probably just:

"Well this has been pleasant. However, [girl's name], yooouuu are distracting me haha ." (Wait for response)
"Looks like I'll be finishing up the rest at home, looking forward to [place] on Saturday "

If her response is that she was just leaving, and then she proceeds to leave, that would be ideal. Cuz now your frame is that she's chasing you for fun times, but you don't have time right now. If she actually gets up and leaves right after this that's a good sign in terms of investing into your frame.

 

[DarkJedi]

"Well this has been pleasant. However, [girl's name], yooouuu are distracting me haha ." (Wait for response)
"Looks like I'll be finishing up the rest at home, looking forward to [place] on Saturday "

Smooooth line haha.

I wonder if you can milk it a bit more though: Leave on a high note without seeding a date
"Well this has been pleasant. However, [girl's name], yooouuu are distracting me haha ." (Wait for response)

If she's leaving soon:
"Thank God. Finally I can get some work in peace " (wait for response)
"But I'd love to get distracted some other time when I'm more free. "
(seed date, grab number).

If she stays:
Get back to work for a while. Don't make eye contact unless you sense she's looking at you.
After a while, get up to leave, banter, ask for a date and leave.
Seems a bit more natural somehow.
There are chances she might leave earlier, but if she liked you she'd probably stop by to make small talk with you and you can then ask her out.

 

[Hue]

Hahaha yooo just got an 8's number from this coffee shops patio overlooking the water.

Didn't use my line as well as I'd hoped, gah that would have made for a better outcome. Also was bad form on the date invite. Excellent practice though.

 

[Glow]

@Hue - Funny, im just doing a similar reboot with metros.
I used to work similarly in Cafees and do pulls from there.

I combined:
1) Immediate close positioning to the girl i wanted to insure that things could just happen and letting the air and randomness between us do a lot of the work.
2) Smooth talker chat up progress. Opening was typically a reality pace developed for cafee settings followed by an immersive chat progression, tech stacking(eliciting values/elicitation, mirroring, pacing, SOTs and intrigue bait).
3) Pull bait - random inserts that we could head to my place for (Tea (used massively in my "indulgance SOT"), dance pictures, particular musical pieces from talking about dance SOT and immersive experiences/being in the now SOT)

i also tended to use the cafe staff a lot too to get exposure and provide vibes/social proof. Some girls i met timing things at & around the counter and started the interaction from there.

A lot of the details can be found in the various comments of the links i provided. Rikers conversational management program was the mother of all in terms of learning these conversational techniques - originally shared with me by @Teevster. Training Riker on the side was really what did the major part of smoothening my conversational abilities back then.

Hope it might provide a lil inspiration.