The Transformation of the Jolly Rancher

[Gram]

When I read that, I realized that despite all that I’ve done in the past 9+ months, my mentality is only part of the way to the end goal.
There is a massive difference between being non-needy and outcome-independent, and an abundance mentality. E.g. abundant man is able be dominant and effortlessly control frames, while the first guy has fewer options, such as not reacting to bait, or nexting.

I've been thinking about your comment, @Surveyor, and wanted to elaborate as my mentality has changed.

Level 1 - Man is needy, reacting, wondering why being nice doesn't work. Afraid to let tension build with a woman. Not in control. Friend zoned.
Level 2 - Abundant, non-needy and outcome independent. Realizing there are plenty of fish in the sea. Overcoming one-itus.
Level 3 - Realizing that every girl has a fantasy and wants to be seduced, to feel that thrill, that excitement, that tension, those tingles, the uncertainty. Wants pleasure.

It may come in different flavors and different colors, and perhaps not at 9 in the morning at Boots whilst buying cold medicine. But seduced.

It's like when Neo sees the matrix for the first time. He realizes it is all a facade. That's all the world is, man, a facade where men and women go through their daily grind wishing something interesting and exciting would happen to them. When you realize that everyone going about their day wants a compliment, wants to be appreciated, and wants excitement... wants pleasure... then the world is suddently abundant.

Last week at my coffee shop I saw a waitress gushing about a first date she had. Gushing.

We bring pleasure. Plain and simple.

Keep it up, amigo.
TJR

 

[Gram]

Well... I must be truthful on this journal, that's the only way to improve.

Reading through some posts I came across one where posters described their pre-seduction game. Makes me want to share this story. Probalby 17 and walking with this really smoking hot girl from my school. I was friend-zoned, or so I thought. Walking late, along a path along a lake, dark. I think we had gone to see a movie. (Observation #1: WTF was I thinking I was friend-zoned?). She says "I just wish some guy would come along and grab me and kiss me." I am thinking "Gosh, should I just grab her and kiss her? She probably doesn't mean me." (Observation #2: Face palm). And so we kept walking. Me afraid to be "ungentlemanly" and kiss her. (Observation #3: Face palm x2).

So here we are a few years later and nice and jolly has gotten me far but not far enough.

You see, I am running a slightly different seduction game. I am married. And have kids. Basically I can run a seduction every day on my wife and see the results. It's a Groundhog Day of daygame.... seriously. Rather than sprinting, I am running a marathon with her so I want the overall relationship to move towards more pleasure and less companionship. Her companionship is great by the way, but let's be honest, it is pleasure we want.

I woke up Sunday feeling great and thinking, I'll run a tight game today and see where it goes.

My fundamentals have been improving and the dynamic around the house has been more fun. I give her fewer details about my life and my thoughts and just go get shit done. Improving diet, working out more and basically taking care of myself. She does her thing and we run into each other throughout the day. (That said, I have got to get a separate office. This home working is a killer of relationships).

My voice is better, my posture is more relaxed and upright. I look into her eyes and hold tension (but damn, I have realized she can hold eye tension forever... I am working to up my game there.) Overall I am loads better in a month and still working to improve.

Improvement area is focused in staying relaxed, being much more observant, and conversation. All towards being a more sexual male that is comfortable with creating and maintaining sexual tension.

You see, we have been together for so long that conversations are short and sweet. Now our conversation is her talking about something and me trying hard to just shut up and listen while directing the conversation where I want to go. We get into intellectual conversations which are fun and interesting. But day-to-day and minute-to-minute I've incorporated more light teasing and banter and that has been fun. She lights up when I distract her with fun teasing and joking. Example of a good morning routine with my hair dishevelled..

Me: "Good morning." [Scratches unkept hair. Yawns...]
Her: "Good morning."
Me: "Well, as you can see I got a full nights of beauty sleep. As you can see I am looking like a god!"
Her: "Ahaha.... yeah, total looker."
Me: "Well... that's what happens when you are in my business. Beauty sells."
Her: "Haha... I did/did not sleep great. Need more/feel great. Etc"
Me: "Stick with me then and I'll show you the ropes... "... yadda yadda banter banter...

She seems to be really enjoying these types of banter and play which completely relaxes her, and I hope (and suspect) is moving me into a more fun, playful light than just the provider.

Ladies and gentlemen... direct your attention to the center ring. Time for the main event. Kids are in bed. Chores are done.

Her: "What do you want to do tonight?"
Me: [IN HEAD: Yeah, I know the answer... rip off your clothes and have some fucking orgasmic sex!"
Me: "Well, I think we should lock the door, get in the car, and go on an adventure!"
Her: "Ha! Do you want to hang out?"
Me: "Well, I've been noticing how good your new haircut is. Makes you seem totally playful."
Her: "Thanks (blushing but overall really lighting up that I noticed). Yeah, I really like it...blah blah blah..."
Me: "Well, it is also ravishing and makes me want to ravish you. [With a mischievous grin I pull her closer with my hands on her hips.]"
Her: "Oh, that could be fun [smile]. How about tomorrow? I'm pretty tired."
Me: [IN HEAD: No, NOW! Grab her and rip off her clothes right there in the kitchen.]
Me: "If that's what it takes, but tomorrow is going to be busy with [blah blah blah]"
Her: "Okay.... [next conversation topic]

Seduction blown with LMR. So valuable to write this down because as I do I see the missteps that can be corrected. In no particular order:

- I could have built up some compliance with some low level things... have to think of those... get me a glass from cabinet, massage my shoulder it is sore...
- Didn't warm her up enough... I think I jumped too fast from haircut is playful to ravishing... needed some more in there
- Was definitely chasing her with the pull in and the ravishing... again, probably more warm up so I didn't need to pull that one. already had played the hair card... but could have used it to tease her with "You are at fault here for turning me on with that haircut and the way you are using it."
- LMR - Need to have some stock LMRs on this one... again, if I had warmed her up properly this LMR probably could have been overcome with her excitement of being seduced, but still... need to have these in stock.
- FACEPALM: For god's sake why did I say "tomorrow will be busy..."? That just made it seem more exhausting and need for sleep. There were so many things I could have said to counter that LMR that would have been better than that... I was becoming needy.

Onward - TJR

 

[Gram]

I feel that my posture and general relaxed bearing has gotten into a good spot. I still check myself and utter a few maxims 'I don't need to work so hard.' and 'Let them come to me."

The bigger mountain I am climbing is changing my interpersonal dynamic.

I find it so easy to be jolly around strangers, women, and folks I know. Just easy. Tension? Phaw... I cut through it like a hot knife in butter. Showing interest in someone and listening, nodding, smiling... e.a.s.y....

Doing none of those things while staring into someone's eyes, imagining us making out, it has been difficult I admit. Pat on my back for at least now being aware of it, which is the first sign of change, but wow. I am having to make changes to all my interactions.

So that is my big task for the week, and weeks ahead:

- Show interest while building tension
- Be disinterested in the outcome while not being aloof
- Change my conversations from a deep-seated focus on my state and more of a focus on the woman and her state
- Get her to qualify herself

My kid's new school is in a wealthy part of the city and the parents are wealthy. Last Friday I met some of the mom's and holy sheez are they fine. They were all nice but these women were the kind who have been told they are beautiful their whole life. They probably married successful men. They are confident. They have a secure place in life. They don't need to spend time with shmucks...they are going places. (And frankly they are all probably a bit bored.)

My goal is to seduce them all, to make me their fantasy when they are boning their husbands. To get them hot and bothered. And to do it by being mysterious, distinterested but interested, confident, playful but not childish.

I am going to run through some of the movies where a confident man plays this role. I need to search the forum and if there isn't one posted, I'll do a write-up here.

When I was in the room with these women I could tell they were interested in the new character (me), and when I met one of them I could tell that I reverted to the ole jolly self and the mystery and potential seduction was blown. Just amazing how quickly that intrigue was blown out as I reverted to tension reduction and showing I was a nice guy.

So again the focus - be a confident motherf*cker, who is interested in all, speaks in "we" and not "I", asks questions and gets her to qualify. I want them talking about me, thinking of me, dreaming about me.

TJR

 

[Gram]

For reference, Intrigue:

Using Intrigue to Get Girls Chasing You

One big mistake I see a lot of men make when meeting new women is forgetting to allow for some mystery… a little intrigue. And a little bit goes a long way – it fascinates women, gets them thinking about you when you’re not there, gets them frustrated – in a good way! – trying to figure you out.

www.girlschase.com

Intrigue Her on the Opener (with "Meta Pacing")

Open a new conversation with a girl already curious about you… by going straight to the meta level from the outset of the conversation. Have you ever struggled to get a new interaction going smoothly? Don’t worry; this is a common challenge faced by students of the game as well as experienced...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Gram]

Damn, I know I have been busy, but a whole month since my last post. I have been attacking seduction (and general life improvement) from so many angles I am planning to slow down for a bit in September and organize and prioritize... I'm a list guy, so..

1. Mediation - When my mind gets crazy and overwhelmed, I am finding meditation is the number one method to slow the fuck down and make sense of things. And when I slow down and calm my mind, I find that I can actually THINK and LISTEN and respond, and get out of my own way. I have read that most of our creativity (if not all) comes from the subconcious (why do good ideas come in the shower?) so I am spending a lot more time trying to calm my mind. (As you can see from the bullet list, it is swimming.)

2. Writing Things Down - I am building a business right now and some conversations with customers go well and some fall flat. Seduction, right? When I write down the conversation I can take an honest view of things and make adjustments. It also clears the mental replay screen so I can move forward. When I don't write down the conversation I keep replaying it in my head.

3. Personal Life - #1 and #2 have made me better at analyzing information realtime. I have gone from (1) not noticing something someone says to (2) noticing fairly soon after the conversation to (3) noticing realtime. From that I am realizing that my relationship with my wife is not that healthy for me. My unrecognized desire to please her allowed her dis-approval engine to become strong. This is a bigger problem and discussion not for these forums but becoming a better man and feeling better about myself will be important to overcoming and resetting. There are glimpses of it but it still is out of balance.

4. Slow Down and Read - Got a great tip from Chad Tyrone, which is to read and read and read so I am working my way through the forums and Girls Chase. After I read an article I want to practice and implement but I have decided to slow down and read and then see how and where to implement.

5. Fundamentals - Funny enough, this has been the most rewarding. I am lifting weights again after a long hiatus and the positive vibes that come from taking care of myself are huge. Thinking more about conversation and how to make it flow. How to implement the 8 questions. So much to think about, but overall working through fundamentals has been really good. I still see areas where I want to improve but no worries there. It's a process...

So where am I three months in? I am builidng out the tool kit to understand where I am in life and how I got here. I am developing the body of knowledge to think about how I move to where I want to be - a confident, accomplished, provider of pleasure to anyone. Time to take a pause and reset, regroup, and get back out there.

 

[Gram]

I would also add from the Aug 14 post, that schoolyard seduction continues. The reason for the Sept pause is to take a step back to my natural self a bit, while incorporation all I am reading. I feel I am a bit too aloof and distance while building intrigue and I think there is a way to be more engaging while also using words and conversation to build intrigue.

It turns out I have met fewer people than I want because I am acting "aloof". There is a way to be both intriguing and inviting.... I know it.

 

[Gram]

I am no longer thejollyrancher, and it feels good.

Thanks to the moderators for accepting the change.

Leaving thejollyrancher behind is part of my transformation. TJR was always cracking jokes, making people smile, trying to relieve tension. If someone made a crack at his expense, he laughed... laughed with them and not to laugh it off. TRJ was about acceptance and focusing on people's perception of him. He was friendly, accepting, forgiving. Never assertive. Never fighting for what he believed in. Not sure what he believed in, just rolling along with whatever anyone wanted from him. A people pleaser.

I can be jolly but I am not the jolly rancher.

I am rough diamond to be cut. A big fucking diamond. A diamond that once cut will be brilliant, sharp, and hard edged. A diamond the ladies can't resist putting against their body.

I am Gramr the sword. The sword that slayed the dragon Fafnir. Because my dragon will be slayed. Forward. Gram.

 

[Gram]

I've decided to take a step back from implementing and focus on lifestyle, more fundamentals, and reading. And reading.

1. I'm trying to read as much of this forum and the blog as I can.

2. I am reading books. Currently on Manson's Models, and it is blowing my mind about needy/non-needy and Receptive, Neutral, and Unreceptive and the power of allowing oneself to be vulnerable to rejection, and the value of rejection. I really liked this:

Receptive = green light, escalation, and fewest but the numbers increase with quality of lifestyle, looks, and social status

Neutral = can be moved to Receptive with game and skills and ability to communicate

Unreceptive = not interested. Screen hard, find out fast and move on.

Also meditating daily and I can feel the calmness and awareness come over me, which gives me the power to shift perspective.

You could say the patterns are emerging.

I've always assumed my lady was Neutral and it was up to me to escalate but now I am rethinking those categories, and how I can improve myself to create more Receptive times, better skills to move her if she's Neutral, and how to screen her for when she's Unreceptive so I don't waste my time, all the while being non-needy. And if too much of the Unreceptive, time for a talk!

 

[Gram]

Two quick updates: (1) Reading and (2) Approach

1. Finished Manson's Models and overall pretty good. What resonated most with me were three points - developing a healthy lifestyle to increase your baseline attractiveness. Honestly, I have left this go over the years so it feels good (seduction or not) to get back into sport and fitness, eat better, sleep better, and worry less. The other really useful concept was the states of Receptive, Neutral, Unreceptive and how to think about women in those states. Finally, the concept of polarizing early, or at least being vulnerable to rejection by risking polarization. That's really powerful. The three fundamentals were helpful: lifestyle, action, and communication, were helpful but aside from lifestyle I didn't see many new & unique points in the other two. Still worth reviewing.

2. While waiting for my takeaway I decided to approach a good looking woman, probably late 30's, early 40's, dressed up for a work day and wearing some fun-colored sunglasses. My open was simple statement "Those are cool glasses. I like the colors." She "Uh-uh"'ed and laughed, and I started talking about my sunglasses. I made a few comments while keeping strong eye contact. She agreed, laughed, and wouldn't hold eye contact with me - kept looking away. It kind of fizzled. Which was fine. When her order was called and she got her food, she turned to me as she walked out and said "Have a good day." with a smile. So all in all not bad.

I am glad I opened and approached, as I was much less worried about any outcome. On review, I would re-do the conversation as follows, in order to create more interest.

Me: "Can I compliment you are on your sunglasses?"
Her: "huh? sure."
Me: "Not everyone call pull off those colored sunglasses, but you do. Nice style."
Her: "Oh thanks.... <with me being silent and letting her talk to fill the silence>
and continued conversation

I am starting to think of my conversations in two veins:
a. Simple vanilla - traditional Q&A with very little feeling or intention
b. Dynamic - more about my feelings and opinions (will to polarize) and gauging her reactions, and getting her opinions to build better rapport.

Gram

 

[Gram]

I am happy to report that my fundamentals are falling into place which feels good:

Five weeks into a regular lifting routine and feeling my shirts get tighter. https://stronglifts.com/5x5/

Lots of TRE and meditation.

Posture and voice are dialed in, after some Alexander Technique, though I do need to remind myself frequently. I practice slow and easy walking wherever I go. Sprezzatura... Being the lion.

Holding eye contact while talking much easier and now I'm aware of when women keep or break eye contact.

I'm playing with my conversational style to be more dynamic and opinionated (in a friendly, contemplative way) and less generic pleasantries. Yet also being more comfortable with silence.

And probably most important to the seduction, or re-seduction of my wife, I feel like l am living MY life again and she is just a part of it. She's clearly confused by my changes but curious and intrigued. I'm not chasing anymore.

Next steps are to focus on arousal and compliance. And compliance. And compliance. This is turning the cargo ship so very slow but I really feel introducing compliance will go a long way to restoring the balance in the relationship and make seduction easier.

By this ring on my finger I have one-itus, but in my mind it is all abundance!
Gram

 

[Gram]

I should add... it isn't all roses. Some days I think "This is crazy hard. Am I making any progress?" I think those days are driven by lack of momentum and gap. I've been reducing the fap to once a week or less. When I don't fap I get mind crazy horny. When I do my energy is tapped... meditation, eye on the prize, and one foot in front of the other!

When I back at four months I see the positive changes.

 

[Gram]

Hot damn it has been a month. I have had to dial back my seduction to focus on a few career activities only to realize that this forum and you help me keep my head in the game.

Following Pareto, my fundamentals are in a good spot. Still in the gym and gaining which feels incredible and still very conscious of my voice and posture. Overall trying to be lion like and letting the tigresses be tigresses. Slow easy action for me. Sprezzatura. Also working on tightening up my fashion and recently got a compliment on being put together!

The relationship with my lady has improved a lot. Overall I have regained control of my life and my happiness and don't depend on her which takes pressure off both of us. I also think she is naturally responding to my physique which 9 weeks in to Strong lifts 5x5 is coming along... all this allows me to have my own badass life and she can get to be a part of it, which excites her. I feel her attraction to me increasing since I stopped chasing.

Now I am refocusing on eye contact, building tension, and transitioning to sex talk. Not easy on any front but the challenge is fun and I think she is enjoying more of my flirting. We are having more sex but not the multiple times per week I am aiming for... but progress. (Funny enough I tried methods from Sex God and she kept asking me why I was doing X, Y, or Z, which started to elicit what she does like (by stating what she does not).

And I can add that I am feeling more confident approaching and talking with women I meet. Some I would love to keep working up the seduction ladder (but I won't...I ain't a cheater) but it's fun teasing, bantering, digging, and just taking them out of the monotony of day to day. Plenty of awkward conversations are still had (facepalm) but the only way to learn.

I also ran @Skills date method (actually took out pen and paper to plan the bounces, with tacos) and it made for a fun and adventurous evening that led to the bedroom. Much better than the old boring dinner and a movie.

So progress, and now focused on the finer details of conversation topics, bridging, and holding frames.

Gram

 

[Skills]

Hot damn it has been a month. I have had to dial back my seduction to focus on a few career activities only to realize that this forum and you help me keep my head in the game.

Following Pareto, my fundamentals are in a good spot. Still in the gym and gaining which feels incredible and still very conscious of my voice and posture. Overall trying to be lion like and letting the tigresses be tigresses. Slow easy action for me. Sprezzatura. Also working on tightening up my fashion and recently got a compliment on being put together!

The relationship with my lady has improved a lot. Overall I have regained control of my life and my happiness and don't depend on her which takes pressure off both of us. I also think she is naturally responding to my physique which 9 weeks in to Strong lifts 5x5 is coming along... all this allows me to have my own badass life and she can get to be a part of it, which excites her. I feel her attraction to me increasing since I stopped chasing.

Now I am refocusing on eye contact, building tension, and transitioning to sex talk. Not easy on any front but the challenge is fun and I think she is enjoying more of my flirting. We are having more sex but not the multiple times per week I am aiming for... but progress. (Funny enough I tried methods from Sex God and she kept asking me why I was doing X, Y, or Z, which started to elicit what she does like (by stating what she does not).

And I can add that I am feeling more confident approaching and talking with women I meet. Some I would love to keep working up the seduction ladder (but I won't...I ain't a cheater) but it's fun teasing, bantering, digging, and just taking them out of the monotony of day to day. Plenty of awkward conversations are still had (facepalm) but the only way to learn.

I also ran @Skills date method (actually took out pen and paper to plan the bounces, with tacos) and it made for a fun and adventurous evening that led to the bedroom. Much better than the old boring dinner and a movie.

So progress, and now focused on the finer details of conversation topics, bridging, and holding frames.

Gram

i am confused is this a new lay or a girlfriend...

 

[Gram]

i am confused is this a new lay or a girlfriend...

It's my wife. After years of a subpar relationship I am focusing on seducing her again, and it's working.

 

[Gram]

Time to get back in the field and practice cold approaches and conversational skills. It has been too long.

Goals over next few weeks are to practice openers, to maintain eye contact throughout the interaction, to take a step back and try to observe the details of the interaction, and to be playful yet build tension, i.e. to have fun. Only four things to focus on (ha!) but it's a season of merriment and I expect good things.

My Newbie locations were a jogging trail/park where people walk their dogs, a big store, and a few coffee shops where people laptop. Time to get out again and work those venues.

I am now up to twelve weeks in the gym but no resting on my laurels.

Mental note for mid-December is to build on the male/female polarity in the home. It comes and goes and I can see the stronger attraction when it is in place. I plan to put some thought into how to maintain it with less effort.

 

[Gram]

It's been a f*cking eye opener of a year so far. Eight weeks into my second 12- week weight set and feeling strong after a flat, no-growth, maintain winter (but my form improved a lot). Something about being strong physically makes me feel strong mentally. Exercise and good sleep have become priorities for me...it means I cannot accomplish everything in the day but my health is better, and the lost of "accomplishments" is changing.

On the game side...it's been epiphanies after epiphanies. I've gone deep into certain neurodivergent diagnoses and am finally able to explain a lot of my own behavior and those around me (turns out I never looked anyone in the eyes when I spoke to them). I continue to consolidate all this personal growth into a path forward but relationships are improving (albeit slowly) which I believe will lead to more action around the house and a generally fun summer ahead. I'm in the trenches right now but a leap in personal growth is near, and those leaps are always scary, and in hindsight really amazing.

At this point I've internalized and normalized so many of the fundamentals I sought to learn...awkward at first now feels normal. It is almost time to feel really uncomfortable again, and then that too shall pass.