I had a date recently with a dating app girl. I was trying to follow Chase's recent article on a step by step seduction, which he wrote for me (thank you Chase!). Actually, there was a lot there, so I just told myself to nail the first 10 minutes and then get to the rapport stage at the very least.
It was an activity date playing crazy golf. I've had a lifetime of awful park, coffee, bar and restaurant dates so, whenever I can I'm going for an activity date where I can at least try something new.
We met outside the venue. I wanted to do the hand clasp and test how comfortable she was, but she came right in and initiated with a hug. In the first 10 minutes, I managed to get one touch while complimenting, but it probably wasn't impactful enough. It was, I believe, just a shoulder touch. I didnt manage to use the guiding touch. Also, I paid for both of us, she thanked me, I said "you're welcome" and said nothing more of it. I know that one can't make a big deal when paying for her and also that it's good to get the payment out of the way at the start, not the end, where ever possible.
We played golf for around 90 minutes. We finished in around 50 minutes and I won. I had kind of had enough of golf but she wanted to go and revisit some of the golf holes and try some in another section before returning our equipment. While we were waiting at each golf hole, we chatted a bit. We asked about each other's educational backgrounds (something we had in common on the dating app), and how we came to live in this town. I teased and made her laugh maybe twice and maybe touched once. Not enough at all. I'm usually good at the rapport building chitchat but with us switching back from playing golf, talking about the golf and waiting our next turn, talking about each other, I didn't do well at all. I also didn't seed the pull.
After the golf we went to walk around town and talked. Now the kicker is that we both live walking distance apart and we actually use the same bus to go home. But I hadn't seeded the pull or built enough of anything on the date! While walking, for around 30 minutes we talked about our reasons for joining this app and our family backgrounds. She told me that her best male friend wrote her profile for her and that she wrote his and they both wrote slightly seductive things (I only mention this because she was effectively communicating that she's not a complete angel or prude). I tried to seed a pull by mentioning that I lived close by and could show her one of my bits of academic work. She said that she'd like to see it but it sounded more like she'd like to see it online or something, not an actual print out, so I didn't make an invitation. Soon after, 2 hours had elapsed and I decided to end the date. I said that I had to go buy something. She thanked me for taking her for the fun golf and said goodbye with a hug. It felt like a pretty strong hug so I felt like I at least didn't screw up the touching that badly today. She said the dreaded words "I'll text you" and that was it.
Anyway, today I got the old "i think that we're not a good romantic fit" text as I was expecting. The date was a dud.
If I run another date at this venue in the future, what needs to change?
It was an activity date playing crazy golf. I've had a lifetime of awful park, coffee, bar and restaurant dates so, whenever I can I'm going for an activity date where I can at least try something new.
We met outside the venue. I wanted to do the hand clasp and test how comfortable she was, but she came right in and initiated with a hug. In the first 10 minutes, I managed to get one touch while complimenting, but it probably wasn't impactful enough. It was, I believe, just a shoulder touch. I didnt manage to use the guiding touch. Also, I paid for both of us, she thanked me, I said "you're welcome" and said nothing more of it. I know that one can't make a big deal when paying for her and also that it's good to get the payment out of the way at the start, not the end, where ever possible.
We played golf for around 90 minutes. We finished in around 50 minutes and I won. I had kind of had enough of golf but she wanted to go and revisit some of the golf holes and try some in another section before returning our equipment. While we were waiting at each golf hole, we chatted a bit. We asked about each other's educational backgrounds (something we had in common on the dating app), and how we came to live in this town. I teased and made her laugh maybe twice and maybe touched once. Not enough at all. I'm usually good at the rapport building chitchat but with us switching back from playing golf, talking about the golf and waiting our next turn, talking about each other, I didn't do well at all. I also didn't seed the pull.
After the golf we went to walk around town and talked. Now the kicker is that we both live walking distance apart and we actually use the same bus to go home. But I hadn't seeded the pull or built enough of anything on the date! While walking, for around 30 minutes we talked about our reasons for joining this app and our family backgrounds. She told me that her best male friend wrote her profile for her and that she wrote his and they both wrote slightly seductive things (I only mention this because she was effectively communicating that she's not a complete angel or prude). I tried to seed a pull by mentioning that I lived close by and could show her one of my bits of academic work. She said that she'd like to see it but it sounded more like she'd like to see it online or something, not an actual print out, so I didn't make an invitation. Soon after, 2 hours had elapsed and I decided to end the date. I said that I had to go buy something. She thanked me for taking her for the fun golf and said goodbye with a hug. It felt like a pretty strong hug so I felt like I at least didn't screw up the touching that badly today. She said the dreaded words "I'll text you" and that was it.
Anyway, today I got the old "i think that we're not a good romantic fit" text as I was expecting. The date was a dud.
If I run another date at this venue in the future, what needs to change?