The Relationship Principles check list.

[Fuck This]

I've been thinking about what it takes to go into a relationship, and maintain my frame , give the relationship the energy it needs, and maintain my own outcome independence. Much of this was formed from the Blackdragon blog columns, mainly because I had not thought about it before. Having Ended a 20 year marriage, got me thinking about what were the dealbreakers, as well as what I enjoyed from an LTR. These are the things I came up with.

1) Be able to walk away if the shit hits the fan. No Joint owned assets, No children in common. No commingled funds, or debts. There certainly is going to be an emotional toll, but I am going to be able to cover my financial obligations to maintain food, shelter and career.

2) Know going into this relationship that I am capable of meeting new women, sleeping with new women, and converting female friends to lovers. This comes from actual experience prior to going into whatever form of LTR I deem desirable. The box is checked as a prerequisite.

3) Make it clear that frequent and enjoyable sex is high on the list of reasons for having an LTR.

4) Make it clear that my partner is not bound to me in anyway. The cage door is not only open, but I took it off the hinges. If you go out, I'm filling in the door with a wall. That means it's a one way deal. You can leave any time, Just not come back.

5) Make it clear that the LTR will at no time jeopardize my Career, Finances, Family, Safety or Social standing. In fact it should improve all of them.

6) Not compare our relationship to anyone else's. Our relationship is about us, and we shouldn't use anyone else's standards to judge it.

Any additions or clarifications?

 

[trashKENNUT]

FT,

4) Make it clear that my partner is not bound to me in anyway. The cage door is not only open, but I took it off the hinges. If you go out, I'm filling in the door with a wall. That means it's a one way deal. You can leave any time, Just not come back.

i'm not sure if any billionaires, highly successful marketers will admit this. I think Chase will agree with me. and i have a clear conscience (yes, cristiano ronaldo....) on why the world is going insane.

Part of when you become "powerful", "influential", "too much value around you", or when people want something from you that they forgot who they are...
is that you don't convince women that they are not bound to you. They just do.

They just do.

I was in a lot of meetings this past 2 weeks. Meetings with business owners, managers. You know what's the most scariest thing you can foresee with a lot of people:

The mindset is along the lines of: "As long as it works, fuck everything else. I don't want to hear it. Don't waste your time chatting unnecessary stuff".


If you ask me why if i can go into any social circle, but fall out pretty quickly: it is because i am aware of this issue. Just follow this:

1)Avoid giving too much attention to problems but don't avoid them. Let them exist
2)Follow momentum/where people are going
3)If you make a bad joke, mistake.... Don't apologize but cut the cord and try not to diffuse. Let it be
4)It's nothing personal
5)Know your roles, and where you stand

In the midst of all this, is where bad hookups, bad business deals, bullying, social circle isolation and all the ugly stuff that happens when human flaws coupled with a flawed system (democracy, dating principles which is mainstream)

This is what is driving people crazy. IF you are the ugly girl, or the women in a "man's world", the beta male, or the person who is on the lowest of hierarchy.



Zac

 

[Fuck This]

OK this place is going insane. I'm tired of this shit.

Fuck This....FOR GOOD.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Ok.

I am not gonna give an input on your post. Clearly we have different basedline (operating system).

Just don't hate me for something you don't understand. And I am trying to give you how I view it at a macro level.

Are you seriously going to 'despise' me for that? What the hell man.

Zac

 

[Hue]

1) Be able to walk away if the shit hits the fan. No Joint owned assets, No children in common. No commingled funds, or debts. There certainly is going to be an emotional toll, but I am going to be able to cover my financial obligations to maintain food, shelter and career.

2) Know going into this relationship that I am capable of meeting new women, sleeping with new women, and converting female friends to lovers. This comes from actual experience prior to going into whatever form of LTR I deem desirable. The box is checked as a prerequisite.

3) Make it clear that frequent and enjoyable sex is high on the list of reasons for having an LTR.

4) Make it clear that my partner is not bound to me in anyway. The cage door is not only open, but I took it off the hinges. If you go out, I'm filling in the door with a wall. That means it's a one way deal. You can leave any time, Just not come back.

5) Make it clear that the LTR will at no time jeopardize my Career, Finances, Family, Safety or Social standing. In fact it should improve all of them.

6) Not compare our relationship to anyone else's. Our relationship is about us, and we shouldn't use anyone else's standards to judge it.

1). Outcome independence with a safety net. By not tying these bonds (such as having a kid or joint owned assets) there's way less messy drama if something happens down the line.

2). Mutual understanding and respect of your abundance. Dealing with this right now (per your last reply to me) and it initially gets a lot of push back for them to stomach, it seems. Ultimately beneficial to you, though.

3). A clear understanding that sex is important in your relationship. How do you frame this in a way that shows it's not entirely about sex?

4). No strings attached, end of the day. I think that's a good expectation to set, but what happens when she starts to catch more feelings than you do, assuming that happens?

5). Very much like this one. The best relationships I've witnessed (as in my 20's I've never had an LTR) have been when both parties are benefitting in these ways from the set up.

6). This has been huge to me since my first relationship ever. I completely wanted the focus to be on the actual essence of the relationship, rather than on the abstract of the relationship. When you focus on the abstraction "but we're boyfriend and girlfriend!" then that allows for other people's "boyfriend and girlfriend", which is fundamentally and inherently different than yours to instantly become a comparative object. It's fucking stupid. I get why it happens (we and especially women are social creatures) but the negatives of the phenomena can be quite annoying.



A one-off question I had was, what about emotional responsibility? I have a buddy going on an almost 2 year relationship and I had to fucking moderate as their near-counselor a month or so ago because my dude was getting stressed over his girl who made the claim that "my emotions are your responsibility" and I somewhat sternly told her, "a person's emotions are THEIR responsibility and nobody elses". It planted a seed and now their doing better, thankfully, but initially she almost outright ignored my comment. How do you understand and frame this?


Hue