Surveying the Topography
- Thread starter Surveyor
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- Sep 2, 2022
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- 954
The break has given me a lot of space to find the gaps in my game and fundies.
Likely I won’t be approaching for at least a few more weeks.
But hopefully by the end of this week I’ll start going to my own campus and others and stuff.
Only a couple people from college cared that I disappeared. This was a wake-up call.
I need to be free of my parents and then I’ll figure myself out.
Likely I won’t be approaching for at least a few more weeks.
But hopefully by the end of this week I’ll start going to my own campus and others and stuff.
Only a couple people from college cared that I disappeared. This was a wake-up call.
I need to be free of my parents and then I’ll figure myself out.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
It took me this long to realize that with many girls mixed signals are overrated.
The less male attention a girl gets (and a girl’s looks have way less to do with this than her background and lifestyle) the more responsive she’ll be to being desired.
Soon I’ll be back infield ready to do something with everything I’ve learned.
The less male attention a girl gets (and a girl’s looks have way less to do with this than her background and lifestyle) the more responsive she’ll be to being desired.
Soon I’ll be back infield ready to do something with everything I’ve learned.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
Good news first: Yesterday I made a technical breakthrough that should have medium-term benefits for my state.
I also got marginally more done than I had last week.
But overall, I lost ground and time this week.
I need to get things back in order within a month or so. And I think I can.
IF I’m ready to do such a thing by June, I’m going to Europe for a bit thanks to an opportunity that came up. It would reinvigorate me and be really awesome in so many ways.
I also got marginally more done than I had last week.
But overall, I lost ground and time this week.
I need to get things back in order within a month or so. And I think I can.
IF I’m ready to do such a thing by June, I’m going to Europe for a bit thanks to an opportunity that came up. It would reinvigorate me and be really awesome in so many ways.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
Moving forward…
But a series of serious curveballs have whizzed out of nowhere:
-It will take a couple weeks of waiting, not a couple days of effort, to fix the central logistical botteneck. Ugh.
-I have to cancel or revise some plans for later in the month that were important to me.
-My parents’ apartment suffered a small but significant infrastructure failure that directly affects me and is 100.0% attributable to my father being a cheapskate with no engineering competence.
On the plus side:
-An old friend who was working overseas came back. He said, interestingly, that I now come across as more humble than last summer. And that I’m more mature, but that part’s less surprising.
-I’ve started losing weight again. I’m maybe 75-80% of the way to my goals, but without multiple hours a day of exercise it’ll be hard to reach them.
-My winter depression is almost gone, but the sleep deprivation is still a horrible burden. Time will heal me.
The main thing, I think, is to just stay on the path. It’s hard right now, but fairly soon it’ll improve and then I might actually achieve the breakout I’ve long hoped for.
But a series of serious curveballs have whizzed out of nowhere:
-It will take a couple weeks of waiting, not a couple days of effort, to fix the central logistical botteneck. Ugh.
-I have to cancel or revise some plans for later in the month that were important to me.
-My parents’ apartment suffered a small but significant infrastructure failure that directly affects me and is 100.0% attributable to my father being a cheapskate with no engineering competence.
On the plus side:
-An old friend who was working overseas came back. He said, interestingly, that I now come across as more humble than last summer. And that I’m more mature, but that part’s less surprising.
-I’ve started losing weight again. I’m maybe 75-80% of the way to my goals, but without multiple hours a day of exercise it’ll be hard to reach them.
-My winter depression is almost gone, but the sleep deprivation is still a horrible burden. Time will heal me.
The main thing, I think, is to just stay on the path. It’s hard right now, but fairly soon it’ll improve and then I might actually achieve the breakout I’ve long hoped for.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
Looking back, I see how vital it is to be aware of a girl’s frame. I wish I had understood such things back when I got to college.
In any case, I’ll be back in the game fairly soon. Depends how quickly I can get my appearance and friendly confidence back as I’m still recovering from the controlled descent I wisely chose over overextending myself.
I’ve made a lot of progress in terms of understanding myself and stuff. More on that another time…
In any case, I’ll be back in the game fairly soon. Depends how quickly I can get my appearance and friendly confidence back as I’m still recovering from the controlled descent I wisely chose over overextending myself.
I’ve made a lot of progress in terms of understanding myself and stuff. More on that another time…
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
Everything still takes longer than it should. “Everything is very simple but the simplest thing is difficult”… this is why I need to be free to heal.
But I’m tangibly moving forward.
It’s absolutely vital that I move out in the summer. So I need to keep accelerating.
But one of the bottlenecks is clear. Now for the other two…
But I’m tangibly moving forward.
It’s absolutely vital that I move out in the summer. So I need to keep accelerating.
But one of the bottlenecks is clear. Now for the other two…
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
Bit by bit…
This evening I achieved a significant milestone in a background project (a year of consistently giving in to the harassment of a certain owl, if you know what I mean…not many people make it that far) and posted it to my IG story as a matter of course. The sweet Latina I had been working with last semester liked it, but I didn’t take the opportunity to ping her and catch up because I’m too drained at the moment. Interestingly, so far my “stalker” chick from Ucla hasn’t viewed it yet (probably she just went to bed early like the straitlaced genius-only-child she appears to be).
Right now, despite all the progress, I’m not feeling physically and emotionally confident yet. A big part of it is procrastinating about getting new contacts, which to be honest has been cramping my style for over two months now. I have to schedule an appointment and there were additional complications about the logistics of that…tomorrow I’m gonna settle it because enough is enough. But the version of me who meticulously planned and timetabled a trip all the way to the Valley between morning and afternoon classes in order to pick up some essential paperwork during my first semester is nowhere to be seen, and I have little drive to achieve fairly straightforward tasks promptly. Apparently this is actually a normal symptom of the mood disorder I have, but anyway…
Speaking of drive, I realized that I had still been repressing my desires and holding them close to my chest. No more. While I can’t yet fulfill them, before this year is out I want to change that.
And really, the two go hand in hand. The sex drive can also be sublimated into the pursuit of other goals. But for now, I need to get some sleep so that I can get things done tomorrow.
Actually, this is by far the latest I’ve stayed up this week. I’ve been going to bed well before midnight, but I would like to go to bed as early as 2145.
This evening I achieved a significant milestone in a background project (a year of consistently giving in to the harassment of a certain owl, if you know what I mean…not many people make it that far) and posted it to my IG story as a matter of course. The sweet Latina I had been working with last semester liked it, but I didn’t take the opportunity to ping her and catch up because I’m too drained at the moment. Interestingly, so far my “stalker” chick from Ucla hasn’t viewed it yet (probably she just went to bed early like the straitlaced genius-only-child she appears to be).
Right now, despite all the progress, I’m not feeling physically and emotionally confident yet. A big part of it is procrastinating about getting new contacts, which to be honest has been cramping my style for over two months now. I have to schedule an appointment and there were additional complications about the logistics of that…tomorrow I’m gonna settle it because enough is enough. But the version of me who meticulously planned and timetabled a trip all the way to the Valley between morning and afternoon classes in order to pick up some essential paperwork during my first semester is nowhere to be seen, and I have little drive to achieve fairly straightforward tasks promptly. Apparently this is actually a normal symptom of the mood disorder I have, but anyway…
Speaking of drive, I realized that I had still been repressing my desires and holding them close to my chest. No more. While I can’t yet fulfill them, before this year is out I want to change that.
And really, the two go hand in hand. The sex drive can also be sublimated into the pursuit of other goals. But for now, I need to get some sleep so that I can get things done tomorrow.
Actually, this is by far the latest I’ve stayed up this week. I’ve been going to bed well before midnight, but I would like to go to bed as early as 2145.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
I don’t care.
Or rather I do, sort of.
About an hour ago it became clear I can’t do a phased exit like I was planning. I need to come up with a way to meet the full cost of living if I’m going to break free.
I need to process this. The reason I’m already a mess is because I’ve stopped caring about anything besides feeling better. And I’ve been too defeatist and depressed to actually do anything about it.
I think things will work out. But I really don’t know how long it will take.
Or rather I do, sort of.
About an hour ago it became clear I can’t do a phased exit like I was planning. I need to come up with a way to meet the full cost of living if I’m going to break free.
I need to process this. The reason I’m already a mess is because I’ve stopped caring about anything besides feeling better. And I’ve been too defeatist and depressed to actually do anything about it.
I think things will work out. But I really don’t know how long it will take.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2022
- Messages
- 954
I’ve decided to give myself until the end of next week before tackling anything really big other than a couple of urgent things. That should give me plenty of time to prepare myself.
An action-oriented mindset is important. But “positive thinking” tends to collapse rapidly into unrealistic optimism if reality starts going south. That’s part of what got me to this situation.
I need to focus not on the goal or the problem, but the building blocks of the solution. One by one.
An action-oriented mindset is important. But “positive thinking” tends to collapse rapidly into unrealistic optimism if reality starts going south. That’s part of what got me to this situation.
I need to focus not on the goal or the problem, but the building blocks of the solution. One by one.