- Joined
- Mar 21, 2022
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- 84
My younger sister who just turned 31 (20 months between us), who I do not get along with, is getting married in October. She has decided to get married abroad in Spain even though we are from Scotland. Neither her nor the groom has any connection to the place.
In spite of all the things that have happened between us I'd still be okay with attending, but unfortunately one incident stands out. Two years ago I had an argument with her which I sort of won. She couldn't take it and later marched into the office of our house where I had went to and told me that when our father passes away that she will never be speaking to me again. Just before it happened our father had been trying to stop her from entering the office saying "that won't do any good". Of course he heard it all. I didn't say anything much back at the time but I remember thinking that I could've said "well why wait until he dies?... why not start now?". After that it took a few weeks for it to go back to being normal between us and now she 'seems' to act as if it's never happened, and like I'm supposed to play along. When I mentioned it to my father he just basically said "oh you no she can get hysterical sometimes". I would attend if it were within the country, but why should I pay several hundred euros and give up several days to attend this?
Regarding the wedding she of course she takes the view of "well you know this will be nice for people, it will be like a holiday and sometimes people need that". In other words, she gets to inconvenience people and then get the credit of having given them a wonderful time. Her fiance just went along with the idea as he's easy-going. I think it's a combination of my sister not caring, and not realising that she's putting people in a difficult position by deciding to be wed abroad. People may have to sacrifice current 2023 holiday plans for this wedding due to not being able to afford both. She has a good job but not everyone else has the same disposable income. Travelling is basically her hobby. She goes abroad about 5 times a year so apart from that she just has substitute hobbies such as cooking, cleaning, and her dog. So I see it as her forcing her hobby upon everyone else.
It would be hard not to go to it because there will be a lot of others who are far less closely related to the family at it, and this will make it look like a definite statement from me. I'd definitely be the only one from the two immediate families not present. I will of course be the bad one if I don't go, and I won't get to bring up why. I don't think there is any point in raising this with my sister because knowing the way she operates, she would turn it around on me. It would most likely be a case of "oh he's still upset about that and that's why he's not going", and thereby implying that I'm easily hurt or dwell too much about things from the past. Of course it is not that I am hurt by that, and more so that her comment reflected what sort of person she is. She wants to have it both ways. She continues to act as if she's never said that when around me as if I'm supposed to play along. I remember at the time our dad said "look, you know she didn't mean it... she can just get hysterical". But my dad is probably not thinking too deeply about it and just saying whatever he can think of to resolve to matters in the easier way. And maybe she didn't mean it. But the problem is, that at some point in the future, she could bring up the remark she made that night again. I mean lets say I ended up visiting her at some point in time in the future after our father does pass away... and lets supposing (unlikely as it may be) that during that visit we had a disagreement! Would it be to easy for her to make the ultimate hurtful insult? I've seen her say some twisted things!
Over the last few months, there have been times where I've felt like I'll definitely be going, and then other times when I felt I definitely shouldn't go to this. I'm not that way about most decisions. There seems to be too many different ways of looking upon it. My dad currently thinks I'm going so if I come out and say that I'm not going without explaining why, then he would very easily be able to tap into whatever doubts I'd have about my decisions. I know about myself that anytime I announce a decisions, I always follow through on them. Maintaining this trait makes it all the more hard to make a decision.
The other thing about this is that her fiance is a really decent guy. I get along with him when we meet. But of course he doesn't know about any of this. And by not going to the wedding he would probably think it bad form from me. I don't have a wife/gf or kids myself and I live a pretty quiet life. I have a good job but I still live with my dad. I think this would all make it more difficult in deciding not to attend as I don't know if I'd have anything else planned as such.
Thanks for reading
In spite of all the things that have happened between us I'd still be okay with attending, but unfortunately one incident stands out. Two years ago I had an argument with her which I sort of won. She couldn't take it and later marched into the office of our house where I had went to and told me that when our father passes away that she will never be speaking to me again. Just before it happened our father had been trying to stop her from entering the office saying "that won't do any good". Of course he heard it all. I didn't say anything much back at the time but I remember thinking that I could've said "well why wait until he dies?... why not start now?". After that it took a few weeks for it to go back to being normal between us and now she 'seems' to act as if it's never happened, and like I'm supposed to play along. When I mentioned it to my father he just basically said "oh you no she can get hysterical sometimes". I would attend if it were within the country, but why should I pay several hundred euros and give up several days to attend this?
Regarding the wedding she of course she takes the view of "well you know this will be nice for people, it will be like a holiday and sometimes people need that". In other words, she gets to inconvenience people and then get the credit of having given them a wonderful time. Her fiance just went along with the idea as he's easy-going. I think it's a combination of my sister not caring, and not realising that she's putting people in a difficult position by deciding to be wed abroad. People may have to sacrifice current 2023 holiday plans for this wedding due to not being able to afford both. She has a good job but not everyone else has the same disposable income. Travelling is basically her hobby. She goes abroad about 5 times a year so apart from that she just has substitute hobbies such as cooking, cleaning, and her dog. So I see it as her forcing her hobby upon everyone else.
It would be hard not to go to it because there will be a lot of others who are far less closely related to the family at it, and this will make it look like a definite statement from me. I'd definitely be the only one from the two immediate families not present. I will of course be the bad one if I don't go, and I won't get to bring up why. I don't think there is any point in raising this with my sister because knowing the way she operates, she would turn it around on me. It would most likely be a case of "oh he's still upset about that and that's why he's not going", and thereby implying that I'm easily hurt or dwell too much about things from the past. Of course it is not that I am hurt by that, and more so that her comment reflected what sort of person she is. She wants to have it both ways. She continues to act as if she's never said that when around me as if I'm supposed to play along. I remember at the time our dad said "look, you know she didn't mean it... she can just get hysterical". But my dad is probably not thinking too deeply about it and just saying whatever he can think of to resolve to matters in the easier way. And maybe she didn't mean it. But the problem is, that at some point in the future, she could bring up the remark she made that night again. I mean lets say I ended up visiting her at some point in time in the future after our father does pass away... and lets supposing (unlikely as it may be) that during that visit we had a disagreement! Would it be to easy for her to make the ultimate hurtful insult? I've seen her say some twisted things!
Over the last few months, there have been times where I've felt like I'll definitely be going, and then other times when I felt I definitely shouldn't go to this. I'm not that way about most decisions. There seems to be too many different ways of looking upon it. My dad currently thinks I'm going so if I come out and say that I'm not going without explaining why, then he would very easily be able to tap into whatever doubts I'd have about my decisions. I know about myself that anytime I announce a decisions, I always follow through on them. Maintaining this trait makes it all the more hard to make a decision.
The other thing about this is that her fiance is a really decent guy. I get along with him when we meet. But of course he doesn't know about any of this. And by not going to the wedding he would probably think it bad form from me. I don't have a wife/gf or kids myself and I live a pretty quiet life. I have a good job but I still live with my dad. I think this would all make it more difficult in deciding not to attend as I don't know if I'd have anything else planned as such.
Thanks for reading
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