Wow it almost sounds like the same girl lol. This is very helpful. One last thing though. How do I establish that firm presence in our day to day interactions and not only when she’s being defiant? And also how do i do the handling when I’ve already acted weak?
By the way, it sounds like she already
is your girlfriend. If you are sleeping with her all the time and doing day to day activities at some level, that's the definition of a girlfriend to me. And it's not surprising she's brought up the 'girlfriend' label already.
And that also reveals a bit more of what's going on - if she is for all intents and purposes your girlfriend already, and there are things she's not happy about, such as your lack of car right now (or other things), guess what she's going to do? She's going to start being difficult and testy, because she's grappling with the idea of submitting fully to a man who isn't in the position she would like him to be in.
Given you've known her for 2 weeks, if I read your OP correctly, that's a pretty damn fast escalation of the relationship, and it's going to put pressure on you and release a lot of the pressure she might have felt to prove herself to you. Which means trouble for you. Might want to slow down a little.
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As for establishing the right frame, you'll have to give me some examples for me to be specific. But I'll try and make some general points.
The main thing is really to have absolute certainty of yourself, and the willingness to let her go (or at least leave her to sulk) if she causes too much trouble and doesn't follow your lead.
First is conflict resolution or dealing with problems together. The way I learned how to do this (adapted from Girls Chase) is to have the frame of:
1) I'm always willing to listen to you and reiterate or update my frame if you come to me calmly with any problems, but I won't tolerate bad attitude.
2) <Take responsibility if I've done something wrong> I didn't do things right that time, but I know what mistakes I made and I've fixed it (and make sure you have!). That's all there is to it.
3) You can give your input but the ultimate decisions are mine.
4) If you don't like what's on offer, you're free to leave.
The way I did this was to always encourage her to talk to me about problems (since she was fairly emotional and bottled things up), and to always reward her with some attention and reassurance if she did it while behaving well, but if she was acting up (or out of control) I would simply tell her she was being unpleasant and ridiculous and end the interaction.
When it comes to everyday things, I don't know what to say. I'm a pretty chill and independent sort of person, but if there's something I don't like I'll say so. I don't expect or need her to be around all the time, and for me quality time together is sex, post-sex conversation, or adventures. My ex here was already occupied with study and work, so that took care of her attention and gave me plenty of time alone, which I like.
Overall the attitude here is one of complete certainty in yourself as a leader of your own life (to which she is trying to attach herself). A leader doesn't ever put anything above his mission. That's what makes him fit to lead, he can and will sacrifice everything for the mission, including himself. The mission here is your life. She is your lieutenant. If she isn't with you, it's not going to work. You'll work with her to solve problems, but only to a point. If she has to go she has to go.
And you really have to see things that way, it can't be a facade. It's in my personality to be in the drivers seat, to be setting frames, making decisions, strategizing, and expecting loyalty. If that's you, but perhaps you fell into bad habits, I'd suggest setting straight your identity, for your own sake. And if it's not, well you have to consider whether she's compatible.
Another point: you said before you wanted to get her to do things for you. Maybe your girl is different, but while my ex was always keen to be my lieutenant on adventures or enterprises, she wasn't so content doing menial tasks. I don't know if that could have been changed, maybe yes, maybe no. But I wouldn't count on it.
This means that the best way to make her happy was to do adventures or ventures together. When it came to my business, she was pretty happy to do what she could to help. When it came to sailing together, which we both enjoyed, she was very happy to be taught the ropes and to be given a role (as long as I was there to handle it if anything went wrong!). When it came to camping together, she was great and did her part well.
But when it came to more menial tasks, it was hard to keep her motivated and she was frequently unhappy about things (though everything she did, she did well, and I always praised her on it). What she wanted really was excitement and new experiences without too much responsibility, and the feeling of being a queen with her king.
This is again where you have to be very clear to yourself on what you want, and not promote a girl fast who you aren't really sure if you are compatible with.
Hope this helps!
