Letting her select the first date spot

[Witcher]

Hi everyone,

Recently I came across @Chase 's article about Join Date Planning and it gave me an ideal about solving a little issue about first date spot.

Right now where I am I don't know the best coffee shops and cie downtown however the girls I meet do. Most of them will tell you the best place for coffee, ice vrea, date etc...

I'am also kind off busy to go and do dedicated sessions to discover the best places. So I thought that I might like mix dating and discovering by letting the girl choose her favorite place for 'Ice Cream', Coffee, or anything.

This way I can do dating and discovering the bets places in town at once, at least for a time.

However, I don't know exactly what would be the best way to go about it. For now, I thought of it in 3 ways

1. IF I follow GC classic texting: after she responds to the scheduler text and gives me her availability I ask her what's her favorite place for that.
2. If I ask her out via text I may add a line asking for her favorite place
3. During text banter, I can seed the date and then also ask her her favorite place

What are your thoughts and comments?

Thanks

 

[Chase]

@Witcher,

I'd just do it like this:

YOU: [scheduler]​

HER: I could do Thurs @ 8 or sometime Saturday ​

YOU: Awesome, let's do a cool coffee shop Sat at 1 or 2 PM?​

HER: Saturday at 2 is perfect!​

YOU: Nice. All right, give me an assist: what's the neatest little chill atmospheric coffee shop in town, IYO?​

HER: [blah blah blah]​

YOU: Just looked it up. Looks excellent. Let's do there!​

HER: Okay!​

You just frame it as "an assist" so that her giving you an answer is actually compliance.

Also gets around the "man's supposed to do the planning" part, because you're still doing the planning, just asking for suggestions.

Chase

 

[Adventurer]

I will steal that ahah

Though most of the time, in my experience, girls will choose a place that is not good for seduction. For one it will be far from your place. But also, they tend to pick places where you can't sit side by side, trendy but too crowded, not discreet etc

So @Witcher, it will probably hurt your chances somewhat to let the girl choose the place. It's almost always better to pick a crappy place close to yours, if the goal is solely to get laid. Good idea to discover new venues though

 

[Chase]

I will steal that ahah

Though most of the time, in my experience, girls will choose a place that is not good for seduction. For one it will be far from your place. But also, they tend to pick places where you can't sit side by side, trendy but too crowded, not discreet etc

So @Witcher, it will probably hurt your chances somewhat to let the girl choose the place. It's almost always better to pick a crappy place close to yours, if the goal is solely to get laid. Good idea to discover new venues though

Agreed.

Best you can do is give her instructions about the kind of venue you want:

• "Chill"
• "Cozy"
• "Atmospheric"
• "Intimate"

Etc.

Then look it up online and look for pictures of the interior.

If it doesn't look very cozy, you always ask her for another suggestion.

"Hmm, that place looks more like a cafeteria than a place for good conversation! Know any more intimate spots?"

Chase

 

[Adventurer]

I only go to a place a girl chose on second intention, after she declined my invite once (too far away etc)

@Chase I usually ask them for "a chill place with a couch" to make sure I'll be able to sit side by side and use touch

 

[Witcher]

I will steal that ahah

Though most of the time, in my experience, girls will choose a place that is not good for seduction. For one it will be far from your place. But also, they tend to pick places where you can't sit side by side, trendy but too crowded, not discreet etc

So @Witcher, it will probably hurt your chances somewhat to let the girl choose the place. It's almost always better to pick a crappy place close to yours, if the goal is solely to get laid. Good idea to discover new venues though

Yes, that's what they do most of the time. But here as I said in the opening post, it was more of a utility thing, I would rather maximize an outing by discovering new places, meeting new girls, and practicing deep diving all at once.

My main problem with it was two-fold the leadership aspect and if the girl chose a very bad place. Thankfully, @Chase just gave us the solution around it.

You just frame it as "an assist" so that her giving you an answer is actually compliance.

Also gets around the "man's supposed to do the planning" part, because you're still doing the planning, just asking for suggestions.

Chase

Agreed.

Best you can do is give her instructions about the kind of venue you want:

• "Chill"
• "Cozy"
• "Atmospheric"
• "Intimate"

Etc.

Then look it up online and look for pictures of the interior.

If it doesn't look very cozy, you always ask her for another suggestion.

"Hmm, that place looks more like a cafeteria than a place for good conversation! Know any more intimate spots?"

Chase

I am also curious about something. @Chase in this situation do you recommend that we meet somewhere near then head to the place together, or is it better that one of us would already be inside the place, like BD who advocates to come 5 min late and ask the girl to have seat and wait a little bit?

 

[Chase]

@Witcher,

I am also curious about something. @Chase in this situation do you recommend that we meet somewhere near then head to the place together, or is it better that one of us would already be inside the place, like BD who advocates to come 5 min late and ask the girl to have seat and wait a little bit?

I have been early to dates and I have been late to dates (sometimes obscenely late... to the point where I have repeatedly stood up very hot girls. Makes you feel bad ). The only one I have found to be of any strategic benefit is to flake. Otherwise, no point just being a few minutes late.

The benefit of starting somewhere and walking with her, getting some additional time to chat, and creating additional environment memories, far outweighs any slight boost you might get from having a girl sit and stew for you a couple of minutes.

That said, there are value/attainability considerations here. If your value needs help, maybe you want her to wait for you.

If your value is high, and attainability is your bigger problem, definitely meet up with her and walk and talk before reaching the venue.

Chase

 

[Dash of Englishness]

@Witcher,
That said, there are value/attainability considerations here. If your value needs help, maybe you want her to wait for you.

Hi Chase,

To me the walk and talk before reaching the venue seems a good idea regardless of whether you're high or low value. But I'm just wondering, isn't being deliberately late a bit childish, or at least, a predictable power tactic? It might make her play another such petty tactic back on you. And if you're only doing it because you know you're low value, then aren't you even more likely to get caught out then if it were someone of high value doing it.

And if you show up late because your value needed help, should you give a proper apology, or a half-assed apology?

 

[Chase]

@Dash of Englishness,

Hi Chase,

To me the walk and talk before reaching the venue seems a good idea regardless of whether you're high or low value. But I'm just wondering, isn't being deliberately late a bit childish, or at least, a predictable power tactic? It might make her play another such petty tactic back on you. And if you're only doing it because you know you're low value, then aren't you even more likely to get caught out then if it were someone of high value doing it.

And if you show up late because your value needed help, should you give a proper apology, or a half-assed apology?

There's a psychology study... I can't remember which one. Robert Cialdini cites it in Influence if memory serves. Anyway, they told a bunch of people that they were specifically going to use a certain psychological tactic on them, and then they used it on them. They found that the people they told were what they were doing to were exactly as influenced as the people they didn't.

I have an entire article on seducing girls while telling them exactly what you are doing to them here:

Tactics Tuesdays: Demo Seduction

If you already have something you’re good at doing with a girl, you can “demo” it on her – and get her even more sucked in to the seduction. In yesterday’s article on being too girl crazy, I mentioned something I dubbed ‘demo seduction’. Demo seduction, I noted, is a way of telling a girl...

www.girlschase.com

Anyway, I wouldn't advise doing things that are too obvious in a manipulative sort of way.

But if it's all a guy can think of, it can still be worth field testing it... if just to see if it seems to help him or not.

Test doing it with a few girls, test not doing it -- see which results better.

(personally, I dislike these kinds of tactics, and generally think guys underestimate their value in girls' eyes much more than they need to... a lot of these girls you think may not be seeing you as all that high value actually see your value as just fine, and guys end up doing douchey things that actually hurt their attainability. But YMMV)

Chase

 

[Dash of Englishness]

@Dash of Englishness,



There's a psychology study... I can't remember which one. Robert Cialdini cites it in Influence if memory serves. Anyway, they told a bunch of people that they were specifically going to use a certain psychological tactic on them, and then they used it on them. They found that the people they told were what they were doing to were exactly as influenced as the people they didn't.

I have an entire article on seducing girls while telling them exactly what you are doing to them here:

Tactics Tuesdays: Demo Seduction

If you already have something you’re good at doing with a girl, you can “demo” it on her – and get her even more sucked in to the seduction. In yesterday’s article on being too girl crazy, I mentioned something I dubbed ‘demo seduction’. Demo seduction, I noted, is a way of telling a girl...

www.girlschase.com

Anyway, I wouldn't advise doing things that are too obvious in a manipulative sort of way.

But if it's all a guy can think of, it can still be worth field testing it... if just to see if it seems to help him or not.

Test doing it with a few girls, test not doing it -- see which results better.

(personally, I dislike these kinds of tactics, and generally think guys underestimate their value in girls' eyes much more than they need to... a lot of these girls you think may not be seeing you as all that high value actually see your value as just fine, and guys end up doing douchey things that actually hurt their attainability. But YMMV)

Chase

Cool, so I assume it would completely defeat the purpose to apologise for being late?

 

[Witcher]

@Chase do you think that selecting the first date together in the way we discussed so far would make it easier for her to accept to come to my place/area for a second date?

I also thought of using it as a quid quo pro. I live a little bit far from downtown and most girls don't feel excited about coming there as a first date, although it's a coastal city and offers good options for romantic dates. It is just too cumbersome for most at the start of the courtship.

I could alter it a little bit using one of your texting tips about overselling the place and it increased the number of chicks willing to come. But I am still working on a way to increase it until I get better logistics.

Can this be a good temporary solution?

Thanks

 

[Chase]

@Dash of Englishness,

Cool, so I assume it would completely defeat the purpose to apologise for being late?

If you're late, you apologize for being late.

"Sorry to be running a bit behind today," or "I'm sorry about my tardiness," is generally all you've got to say.

Apologizing for inconveniencing someone is actually a bit of a power play... it is an indirect way of saying, "You are waiting for / accommodating me."

So in addition to being gracious, it actually also sets favorable frames.


@Witcher,

@Chase do you think that selecting the first date together in the way we discussed so far would make it easier for her to accept to come to my place/area for a second date?

I also thought of using it as a quid quo pro. I live a little bit far from downtown and most girls don't feel excited about coming there as a first date, although it's a coastal city and offers good options for romantic dates. It is just too cumbersome for most at the start of the courtship.

I could alter it a little bit using one of your texting tips about overselling the place and it increased the number of chicks willing to come. But I am still working on a way to increase it until I get better logistics.

Can this be a good temporary solution?

Thanks

Her willingness to be more compliant on Date #2 has nothing to do with the logistical 'facts' of Date #1... and instead everything to do with how she FEELS about how it went down on Date #1.

Maybe her helping pick the spot will contribute a little toward a positive attitude toward that first date. The vast majority of her feeling is going to come from what you do on the date and what emotions you create in her.

Amazing feelings on date #1 + loads of anticipation for date #2 = a very accommodating attitude toward date #2

Chase