"It's not serious...I dont think he'd like that""

StrayDog

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Howdy guys, I am curious if any of you have a consistent technique for when you are number closing and the gal says something around the lines of "well, I am kind of seeing someone. It's not serious but I don't think he'd like that"

Seems to come up from time to time, and I handle to varying degrees of success. But I have yet to have a consistent, solid technique.

Happened again today. Was hitting it off with a gal at the coffee shop. There was definitely chemistry, but she wad kind of on the go and I didn't have much time to really finesse the interaction to the best degree. When I went for her number that's the line she gave me. She said she didn't think he'd like it, and I wad like "he wouldn't, but you would" and she replied "yes but I want to be respectful" and I wad like "well I can grab it (her number) and we just won't have any expectations" she agreed but I could feel that my approach weakened her buy in.

Other times when girls have said "I don't know if that's a good idea (because she is "kind of" seeing someone) I have implied that she doesn't think its a good idea because she feels like she will lack self control (a bit of a chase frame, also pivots the frame to "its only a bad idea if you cant control yourself). This has been hit or miss.

I figure this usually comes up because something in the interaction prior to it didn't quite land, but could sometimes be at least a little bit of a genuine concern that she is expressing.

Her whole frame is a bit contradictory "it's not serious...but I don't think he'd like that". Its like, if it's not serious then what's it matter. But of course it could be a number of things. Like maybe she wants it to be serious but she can't lock him in. Or maybe he wants it to be serious but she is still uncertain on him. Or maybe she is just shit testing. and so on...


Obviously you don't want to appear that you are trying to convince her, but also you don't want to just brush this off.


What are your methods?

And anyway I did get 3 #s today out of 3 approaches. One of which was super strong. So over all I am okay with this one weaker number.
 
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gameboy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Most attractive girls are probably "kind of seeing someone" more often than not.

I think I'd just answer "That's no problem, I'm not looking for anything super serious right now". Reframes it as her chasing you for something serious, and also keeps you out of boyfriend candidate land. Two birds with a stone.
 

StrayDog

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Most attractive girls are probably "kind of seeing someone" more often than not.

I think I'd just answer "That's no problem, I'm not looking for anything super serious right now". Reframes it as her chasing you for something serious, and also keeps you out of boyfriend candidate land. Two birds with a stone.
I can see where you are coming from here but I wonder how effective this is. Her objection is that she is already getting dick somewhere and she doesn't want to rock the boat on that. She just said she already had a "not serious" arrangement. but she also doesn't want to disrespect that. I feel like just brushing her objection off like "there's no problem" and and also framing yourself as another "not serious" option could backfire. But maybe I will give it a try just to see how it lands.

I think you might be on to something, misinterpreting what she is saying as her making sure I am okay with her seeing someone else.
 
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Skills

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Best way to avoid objections is not to get them in the first place, once she says that you are working negative compliance.... The way I get the numbers and never get objections is "let me give you my number" I get her phone and I put my number right then and there with my nickname and I text her right there in front of her.... I will link you later samples and the psychology of it...

 
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StrayDog

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Best way to avoid objections is not to get them in the first place, once she says that you are working negative compliance.... The way I get the numbers and never get objections is "let me give you my number" I get her phone and I put my number right then and there with my nickname and I text her right there in front of her.... I will link you later samples and the psychology of it...

sometimes I have trouble navigating her phone when doing this and sending myself a text. Maybe I just need to learn how to operate an IPhone...
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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sometimes I have trouble navigating her phone when doing this and sending myself a text. Maybe I just need to learn how to operate an IPhone...
Lol! Yes happens to me a lot, so I just have them help me out and they do...oh I forgot another thing that happened to me when I hit 47 is I couldn't see good lol the numbers or letters on the phone... But again is no that bad they help you out and is smooth then again I done it thousands of times so I may be projecting.... Only time I got rejected I am being 10000 percent honest is with a girl I already got her number, I never called her and ghosted and we bump into each other a second time, she gave me the I am talking to someone excuse but I knew it was auto rejection... Stray dog most important is the psychology of why it works cause bypass the phone asd and anxiety....but also stray though you are saying strong interactions they don't seem that invested... Finally do you remember or read my post on the different I have a boyfriend scenarios cause applies here...I will link later...

 
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Chase

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@StrayDog,

In my experience these are legit brush-offs. If she's very into you, she's not going to be thinking about, "How will the guy I'm not seeing seriously feel about me going out with another guy?" Instead she will be thinking, "Maybe THIS is the guy I want to be with, instead of that other guy I'm not serious about!"

If you do want to close her anyway, I've had success just pushing her on her frame:

YOU: We should hang out sometime.​
HER: To tell you the truth, I've got a guy I'm seeing right now... it's not serious but I don't think he'd like that.​
YOU: Oh, I see. You gonna get married to him?​
HER: No, haha... I don't think so.​
YOU: Oh okay. Maybe have a baby with him though?​
HER: Uhhhh... no.​
YOU: But he's like your really really good friend though right?​
HER: Um, maybe...​
YOU: It doesn't even sound like you like this guy that much!​
HER: [laughs] I like him!​
YOU: All right, whatever. Well I'll tell you what, I'm just going to send you a text or maybe give you a call or something, and if you decide you and this guy are soul mates or whatever you can always just ignore me. Okay?​
HER: [laughs] Okay.​

That said, even when I have #-closed girls this way, it usually ends in some kind of apology where she talks about how it is getting more serious with the guy, or else she just doesn't reply, or she flakes off on dates forever.

From the ones who have replied (where they end up getting more serious with the guy) I have concluded that "It's not really serious but I don't want to go behind his back" = "He is not taking it serious right now but I very much hope it will become serious and I do not want to do anything that might potentially jeopardize that, such as messing around with another guy."

The ones where it does go somewhere with, when you talk to them about the guy later, it always goes like this:

YOU: So what happened to Mr. Not-So-Serious?​
HER: [laughs] I stopped seeing him.​
YOU: What was the reason for that? You wanted something serious but he didn't, or he wanted something serious but you didn't?​
HER: I guess I was kind of hoping he would be a little more serious. But it turned out we weren't compatible.​

IOW, he was just fucking around; she was trying to rope him down.

She did not succeed, and now is onto you to try her hand with someone fresh.

Chase
 

StrayDog

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YOU: We should hang out sometime.HER: To tell you the truth, I've got a guy I'm seeing right now... it's not serious but I don't think he'd like that.YOU: Oh, I see. You gonna get married to him?HER: No, haha... I don't think so.YOU: Oh okay. Maybe have a baby with him though?HER: Uhhhh... no.YOU: But he's like your really really good friend though right?HER: Um, maybe...YOU: It doesn't even sound like you like this guy that much!HER: [laughs] I like him!YOU: All right, whatever. Well I'll tell you what, I'm just going to send you a text or maybe give you a call or something, and if you decide you and this guy are soul mates or whatever you can always just ignore me. Okay?HER: [laughs] Okay
this is great. thanks Chase!

yeah I hear you about it more often than not being a genuine brush of buts its good to have a routine handy regardless.

I have definitely converted girls in scenarios like this before. And maybe it's just a hit or miss kind of scenario, in general.

This particular gal seemed to be digging on me, but I probably jumped the gun a but on the number close cause she had somewhere to be. Probably could have milked it a bit more before closing, and maybe would have avoided the objection.

Thanks again for the solid material
 
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