New forum member here. And I've been reading GC for years. Ive read long enough to conclude that you guys are big on cold approaching but unfortunately I'm not with it. Is there an efficient way to get women without it obviously? Oh I'm not opposed to OLD but frankly had very little success in it
Is there a way to get women without Cold Approaching/OLD?
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Yeah man there is only one other way, it is called social circle game the dynamics are a bit different.
You will need to go out a lot and mix with different groups of people to get invited to their parties and "hope" hot babes will show up to their gatherings which from time to time they do.
You'll have to calibrate a lot here - especially since everyone may know eachother etc.
Hope that helped
You will need to go out a lot and mix with different groups of people to get invited to their parties and "hope" hot babes will show up to their gatherings which from time to time they do.
You'll have to calibrate a lot here - especially since everyone may know eachother etc.
Hope that helped
Thanks for the recommendation. I will try a little harder at social circle game. Maybe try to make bigger friend groups at work or counseling. They are a bit more male based than anything. Any places you recommend to improve social circles?
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Cold approach is not the only way.
Opinions vary but many think, including me, that it's the most effective way.
That said, you can always do social circle and online.
My abs popped out recently. Posted a pic on Tinder and got some interesting matches.
That could be the way to go if you prefer.
Opinions vary but many think, including me, that it's the most effective way.
That said, you can always do social circle and online.
My abs popped out recently. Posted a pic on Tinder and got some interesting matches.
That could be the way to go if you prefer.
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You’re welcome and yeah bro great places to improve social circles are places where you would like to partake hobbies in such as rock climbing, dance class etc.
These are the absolute best as a lot of them are just loaded with younger girls that you can turn into friends for the sole purpose of just going to events/ parties etc with. Other wise you’re bound to meet cool dudes you can befriend on bro topics.
Best thing to do is to NOT GAME people right off the bat but rather be social and friendly and to just get their contacts/numbers. You’ll have to be very active in the beginning to link it up and once that’s set in you should be good from there!
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The problem with social circle game is that the vast majority of social circles don't change all that much. If you're young at university or something, sure you'll meet a lot of new people all the time, that's different. But later on in life you end up with a circle of work colleagues and a circle of friends (sometimes these circles overlap) without much coming and going. And in tight circles, news travels instantly, and there's huge potential costs if there are any falling outs between members. So that means you have a LOT less opportunity to learn and make mistakes, and one wrong move could be a disaster on many fronts.
Can I ask why you aren't down for cold approaching or OLD? What are your goals with women - getting laid regularly, finding a relationship fast, or something else?
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I've found cold approach to be the most meaningful journey of my life.
Yes it's scary. But boy it teaches you so much, it forces you to grow like nothing else.
It's as much a school of life as learning sales.
After 1 year of cold approaching my social presence has exploded. I'm much more social, outgoing, charismatic, leading.
Also: I know I can do things that most people around me wouldn't even think of doing. Last year I got the number of a stripper, and a sex shop salesgirl with whom I chatted for a solid hour in her shop. No amount of success with online dating comes close to that.
Face your fears upfront.
Pros of cold approach:
* You choose your target. You go straight for the hottest chick around. And you get an answer. Try getting a bikini model to respond to you with online dating or Instagram DM's. Best of luck.
* You have instant feedback. You get to gauge her character and attitude in the first 5 seconds of the interaction. No need to wait 2 weeks of back and forth texting with online dating until she agrees to meet you, for you to realize that she's smaller in person or that her voice is super high pitch.
* Once you master cold approach, the world truly is your oyster.
Yes it's scary. But boy it teaches you so much, it forces you to grow like nothing else.
It's as much a school of life as learning sales.
After 1 year of cold approaching my social presence has exploded. I'm much more social, outgoing, charismatic, leading.
Also: I know I can do things that most people around me wouldn't even think of doing. Last year I got the number of a stripper, and a sex shop salesgirl with whom I chatted for a solid hour in her shop. No amount of success with online dating comes close to that.
Face your fears upfront.
Pros of cold approach:
* You choose your target. You go straight for the hottest chick around. And you get an answer. Try getting a bikini model to respond to you with online dating or Instagram DM's. Best of luck.
* You have instant feedback. You get to gauge her character and attitude in the first 5 seconds of the interaction. No need to wait 2 weeks of back and forth texting with online dating until she agrees to meet you, for you to realize that she's smaller in person or that her voice is super high pitch.
* Once you master cold approach, the world truly is your oyster.
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When I saw your intro post I could tell you have a wealth of knowledge to share!
I’ll say it again, glad to have you here
Thank you much sir. Much appreciated. I'll keep this in mind
I think I'm at that point in my life where I'm over cold Approaching. I just see it as a massive waste of time. Just very abysmal success rates. Approach hundreds of women to probably get laid or date at least 5? No thanks
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Depends on your goal. If you just want to get your dick wet, online dating is perfect. Get decent pictures, learn a few texting sequences.
Nightlife works great if you want to steal a few kisses on the dancefloor, sacrifice sleep and drink alcohol.
Hobbies are great to source women with common interests. I'd recommend (and I'm going to try this out) to go for freebie initiation sessions rather than full-semester commitment plans. Go to yoga classes every once in a while because, you know, stretching is important.
With social circle, your success very much depends on your baseline charisma. Both as a leader in the group, and to have the balls to sympathize with the odd +1 girl who comes around.
Daygame is a slow grind indeed. My success rate isn't that high to be honest. But I'm obsessed with it, the growth is addictive. I like to see it as any other skill, eg playing the guitar or drawing. Getting a date with a girl from cold approach is like being able to play a cool song, or drawing a human face. Takes practice. There are no shortcuts.
Alright just to reveal a bit about myself:
* these days, at work, I have the cute girls from HR and the security desk smiling at me. I don't have their number, because I don't ask for their number, because I don't want to "shit where I eat". I just learned to small talk and I practice good vibes and warm eye contact with them.
* I approached 5 women this week in public transport. Got 4 numbers, the 5th was flattered by my compliment but refused to give her number because she's already seeing someone (wise decision, can't argue with her).
* Out of these 4 numbers, 2 haven't responded to me (yet?). 1 responded, I tried to follow up on her exactly as described in How To Text A Girl, still waiting for her response. 1 responded and I called her the same evening, we had a great 15 minutes phone call and I plan to send her an invite later this weekend.
Am I great at this? Absolutely not, my number : date ratio is shamefully low. But I'm happy because every approach, even the failed ones, constitutes valuable experience. It takes a lot of trial and error, this skill requires a lot of fine tuning. But I keep winning in the sense that my baseline keeps rising. Had it not been for a year of "failed" approaches, I wouldn't be able to start a friendly conversation with a random cute colleague at the coffee machine. Today I call that a Tuesday morning. And my hunch is that I am getting closer and closer to a tipping point where all of a sudden my number : date ratio will shift to a point to give me reliable dates with cute strangers.
Here's another little insight for you: a few weeks ago I looked back and realized something: I've never regretted a single approach I've made. 20 seconds before it's scary. In the heat of the moment cortisol and adrenaline jump through the roof. But afterwards I'm always happy. If it was even mildly successful I feel like a champ; if she rolled her eyes I take that as precious experience points for further growth. I don't know for you, but for me this skill is profoundly meaningful. I'm coming to believe that something in our masculine biology incentivizes us and rewards us for these bold moves, even when they fail.
@King: Thanks for the warm welcome man!
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OP I’m going to keep it real with you. If you want an above average sex and dating life you have to come to terms that you will also need an above average level of effort
Cold approach is not the only way to get laid but it is an effective way of getting lots of leads in your pipeline to work with and learning how to convert them
If you want to go the social circle route it still takes lots of effort. You will need to present yourself as a valuable person to have in a social circle. And you will also need a system to keep expanding your circle because if you remain stagnant your leads will dry up quickly
OLD is also a great way to acquire a lot of leads quickly. But the learning curve can be steep if you don’t have a baseline understanding of sex appeal and presentation. Therefore you need to learn how to present the most attractive version of you to attract the most leads
To give you practical advice if you want to make your dating life exceptional it’s best you put in tons of effort into maximizing your fundamentals
Because the better your fundamentals, you’ll have a larger pool of women that find you attractive off rip
In fact you can get so attractive that women may start approaching you. But I wouldn’t rely too much on that either because the truth is most girls won’t be as aggressive and at best they will just give you more approach invitations
And even if they approached you the game ain’t over. You still need to know how to lead the courtships and handle any objections that may come up
So there is no going around it. No matter what path you choose you need to accept that you’ll need to level up your game
Therefore you have 2 choices. You can come terms that the beginning of your journey is going to take a lot of work to gain momentum before you’re swimming in pussy
Or you can put in minimal effort, get minimal results and later in life wonder what could have happened with your love life if you really tried
Can work hard to live easy or work easy to live hard
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Lmao thanks for this response Tom, even I needed to hear it! Like word for word been wanting to hear something exactly like this for months now. Appreciate you bro
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Get some friends together and plan out cool adventures.
Start a FB group called “the (your area here) social and fun group”
Post cool pics and videos from people who went on the adventures with you to the group and make sure you invite the group.
Encourage people to invite more people into the group. Keep doing fun outings and fun stuff like bowling nights, rock climbing, karaoke nights, etc.
As the group gets bigger more and more people will come in including women.
You are the leader of this group and now have tons of access to cool women who come out.
When the group gets big enough, negotiate deals with bars and restaurants and event places to give your group discounts and other cool deals. This gives you even more value and reaffirms your standing as the leader.
Be more subtle about flirting with the women. No need for over the top game. Just be friendly and cool and have fun. Then message women who seem to vibe with you and be like “hey did ya have fun?” And go from there. Don’t be seen as someone just trying to fuck all the women. Keep it on the down low.
Start a FB group called “the (your area here) social and fun group”
Post cool pics and videos from people who went on the adventures with you to the group and make sure you invite the group.
Encourage people to invite more people into the group. Keep doing fun outings and fun stuff like bowling nights, rock climbing, karaoke nights, etc.
As the group gets bigger more and more people will come in including women.
You are the leader of this group and now have tons of access to cool women who come out.
When the group gets big enough, negotiate deals with bars and restaurants and event places to give your group discounts and other cool deals. This gives you even more value and reaffirms your standing as the leader.
Be more subtle about flirting with the women. No need for over the top game. Just be friendly and cool and have fun. Then message women who seem to vibe with you and be like “hey did ya have fun?” And go from there. Don’t be seen as someone just trying to fuck all the women. Keep it on the down low.
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I agree that the statistics can seem disheartening, as I reported here. But there are peripheral benefits, as mentioned above by Loverboy in his absolutely inspirational post, which make it more than worthwhile.
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If you have to approach hundreds of women I order to get laid, even as a newbie, soemthing is waaaay off with your fundamentals. Or you are an autist. It’s not that hard if you actually put some effort into improving yourself and learning basic game.
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You can pay for it if you want to.
Nobody cares.
But I'd like to share a different viewpoint with respect to cold approach and seduction.
When you are good at it, you don't care a lot about getting laid (I mean you do, but not like it's the most important thing). You just want to seduce women because you like it! And that's when you get the best results.
You are playing the game to win but you like to play the game a lot too. Think of your favorite sport here when you are good at it and you just enjoy the sport.
Well, you are gonna suck at something new when you try it. It even happens to the best of us when we are out of the field too long. This is true for any new thing you want to get good at.
So, think of it as a sport. Something fun and exciting.
Nobody cares.
But I'd like to share a different viewpoint with respect to cold approach and seduction.
When you are good at it, you don't care a lot about getting laid (I mean you do, but not like it's the most important thing). You just want to seduce women because you like it! And that's when you get the best results.
You are playing the game to win but you like to play the game a lot too. Think of your favorite sport here when you are good at it and you just enjoy the sport.
Well, you are gonna suck at something new when you try it. It even happens to the best of us when we are out of the field too long. This is true for any new thing you want to get good at.
So, think of it as a sport. Something fun and exciting.
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Reading through the boards I realize that this question is already perfectly answered in the Newbie Assignment post:
Tough love:
Good news:
@Mr. Yu I think deep down you know the cold truth: there's only one way to get a girl. It's to put your balls on the line and go talk to her. It ain't easy. First times you're awkward and embarrassed of yourself. It's a long journey full of disappointments. But if you stick to it, it could be one of the proudest adventures of your life.
I was a socially awkward dude. Grew up being the weird lone kid. Couldn't look a cute girl in the eye. Couldn't behave normally with an even moderately sexy girl in the room. And so I turned to online dating. I made my first account some 10 years ago long before the apps became the social norm. I got decent at getting dates reliably from the comfort and security of my screen.
And then I ditched the apps. Because they were too easy, because I was only meeting average women, and because deep down I knew I was cheating: no matter how skilled I was on the apps, I knew very well I was incapable of that success without the help of a screen and an algorithm.
Sure, you can meet a lot of women through "warmer" environments. Friends weddings, salsa classes, music festivals, and so on. There are environments where you can meet women without having to breach that oh so scary "stranger" barrier, where you start a little warmer with them. But you'll quickly find out that the pool of stunning women is quite low in those environment. I took improv classes a few years ago specifically because I thought I could meet chicks there. Well, my class only had 1 chick in my age group, cute-ish but she was on the "XL" size, and she had a boyfriend. There was another cute woman in the class after ours, older than me she was in her 30s, I managed to get her contact details but I ruined my follow up with her and things became awkward.
Cold approach provides you with an infinite pool of cute women with whom you can practice. And all that practice compounds, it grows your skill so that once you are in a "warmer" environment all of a sudden things are childsplay. Through hundreds of repetitions, your subconscious mind has accumulated the experience to know exactly what posture to adopt, how to look her in the eyes, how to smile, how to lead a conversation towards getting her contact details, how to warm her up to the idea of a follow-up coffee.
Just to give you an example. Last week I approached 2 girls on the same evening.
Girl 1 I went with my usual "hey I wanted to tell you that you look elegant today", she gave me a brief thank you then walked away. I could feel she wanted to roll her eyes and think "gosh I don't want this".
Girl 2 I crossed her gaze while walking, she had a beautiful smile and was wearing nice colors. I walked back, interrupted her, said I liked her smile. That one turned into a wholesome 5 minutes conversation where she kept praising me as a guy.
Girl 1 stung a little, but that time something clicked: after all those "failed" approaches my brain realized, "oh ok, so when I approach that sort of girl who looks busy and when something in my energy is off, I know I'm going to fail so I might as well dodge the embarrassment and focus on warmer girls instead".
Whether you decide to start this journey or not is up to you. Me, personally, I'm hooked and I won't stop until I find the woman of my dreams.
Tough love:
Good news:
@Mr. Yu I think deep down you know the cold truth: there's only one way to get a girl. It's to put your balls on the line and go talk to her. It ain't easy. First times you're awkward and embarrassed of yourself. It's a long journey full of disappointments. But if you stick to it, it could be one of the proudest adventures of your life.
I was a socially awkward dude. Grew up being the weird lone kid. Couldn't look a cute girl in the eye. Couldn't behave normally with an even moderately sexy girl in the room. And so I turned to online dating. I made my first account some 10 years ago long before the apps became the social norm. I got decent at getting dates reliably from the comfort and security of my screen.
And then I ditched the apps. Because they were too easy, because I was only meeting average women, and because deep down I knew I was cheating: no matter how skilled I was on the apps, I knew very well I was incapable of that success without the help of a screen and an algorithm.
Sure, you can meet a lot of women through "warmer" environments. Friends weddings, salsa classes, music festivals, and so on. There are environments where you can meet women without having to breach that oh so scary "stranger" barrier, where you start a little warmer with them. But you'll quickly find out that the pool of stunning women is quite low in those environment. I took improv classes a few years ago specifically because I thought I could meet chicks there. Well, my class only had 1 chick in my age group, cute-ish but she was on the "XL" size, and she had a boyfriend. There was another cute woman in the class after ours, older than me she was in her 30s, I managed to get her contact details but I ruined my follow up with her and things became awkward.
Cold approach provides you with an infinite pool of cute women with whom you can practice. And all that practice compounds, it grows your skill so that once you are in a "warmer" environment all of a sudden things are childsplay. Through hundreds of repetitions, your subconscious mind has accumulated the experience to know exactly what posture to adopt, how to look her in the eyes, how to smile, how to lead a conversation towards getting her contact details, how to warm her up to the idea of a follow-up coffee.
Just to give you an example. Last week I approached 2 girls on the same evening.
Girl 1 I went with my usual "hey I wanted to tell you that you look elegant today", she gave me a brief thank you then walked away. I could feel she wanted to roll her eyes and think "gosh I don't want this".
Girl 2 I crossed her gaze while walking, she had a beautiful smile and was wearing nice colors. I walked back, interrupted her, said I liked her smile. That one turned into a wholesome 5 minutes conversation where she kept praising me as a guy.
Girl 1 stung a little, but that time something clicked: after all those "failed" approaches my brain realized, "oh ok, so when I approach that sort of girl who looks busy and when something in my energy is off, I know I'm going to fail so I might as well dodge the embarrassment and focus on warmer girls instead".
Whether you decide to start this journey or not is up to you. Me, personally, I'm hooked and I won't stop until I find the woman of my dreams.
Nah. Not falling for that one. I know guys who approach and maybe put up these types of numbers that aren't autist. You're just underselling how good you have to be to get laid. Or don't see it because it's easy for you. Definitely not an autist
1. Revamp your profile. Get professional photos, there are dedicated online dating photographers now. Choose better photos, look up the photo types most likely to get matches and experiment. Ask women in the demographic you’re interested in to rate your photos. Make a better well tested bio. Copy the profile onto all the major dating sites, pay for subscriptions and set out a block of time daily dedicated to swiping and texting to go through a large amount of matches.
2. You can try social circle. The resources on it are sparse. Some tips in these videos I think are worthwhile 1 2 3 4
3. There is also social media but that’s almost an add on to social circle or it’s own dating app
2. You can try social circle. The resources on it are sparse. Some tips in these videos I think are worthwhile 1 2 3 4
3. There is also social media but that’s almost an add on to social circle or it’s own dating app
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100% agreed.
Just to beat my drum once more:
Nowadays I hate online dating and social media to the core. Online dating is an addictive dopamine sink that will pull tens of hours of your attention into your screen. Last time I was on it the thought of it kept nagging me during my work hours.
Also, unless you already have an amazing life and your online dating / social media happens to be a byproduct of "just another snapshot of who I am", getting results through digital means takes a lot of work too. Get your fashion in order, find a good photographer, select the best ones through Photofeeler, lots of initial trial and error on your texting. You're going to spend time to specialize yourself to a skill that is (1) time-wasting and unhealthy in my opinion, and (2) doesn't even have value in the real world! I know a guy who is very successful with OD, talking 1st date at his place with sex, but who has some deep insecurities and is a social hermit outside of his online dating. It's like those kids who spend 10.000 hours of their lives on Minecraft and who never pick up a hammer or a screwdriver to actually build something. Or those who play combat video games instead of taking jiu jitsu classes.
Cold approach teaches you a real skill, and it makes you more social as a byproduct.
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