czk,
Youʼve got some decent advice here already, but I just wanted to add my perspective. Reading your initial post is painful. Like nails scratching on a blackboard.
You allow your consciousness, you allow your entire self to endlessly ruminate over this girl. Over what her actions (probably didnʼt) mean. Over what you (probably didnʼt) do to her. Over how youʼll (probably never) get her “back”. Over how she was (most certainly not) the best chance youʼll ever have.
Your mind has become ill. You are suffering from a mental disease we call “oneitis.”
I could tell you from a place of reason that there are a million other women on the face of this Earth at least as good as her. But you wonʼt fully appreciate my words. Because this illness makes you completely impervious to reason. Your mind is blinded by its own assumption of how special she is. (Sheʼs not.)
Though you may hide this from yourself, you are living in a place of scarcity. A place where there is only
one woman who could ever make you whole. This gives that one woman such tremendous power over your entire being, that at best, she will play you like a fiddle, but more likely have such low regard for you that she wonʼt consider you worthy of even that.
What makes it even worse is that you move right from one case of oneitis to another. I call it “serial oneitis.”
This is how you have managed to remain a virgin to the age of 32.
I speak here from experience, as that is something I did, too. Saddest mistake of my life. Easily.
I can also thus say from experience that you are not going to fix this by trying to approach 10 women, or trying to learn game, for the sake of trying to secure that one special girl. (Even if you pick a different one to obsess over.) The entire mental model which governs your understanding of the world and colors every nuance of your interactions with women is debilitatingly flawed. Until you correct your attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs, you will remain fucked. (And
not fucked.)
I blame your illness, and mine, on society. And religion. And Walt Disney. And its — read this in my best mocking voice — “And they lived happily ever after.” I threw up a little in my mouth when I recently saw a store selling “Disney Enchanted Fine Jewellery” with the slogan, “Happily Forever After.” Mass marketing to beta male provider cucktards. Just, Fucked.
Society fed us a line.
That monogamy is the holiest state of idyllic perfection and moral success that we should all strive for. And we bought it. Hook, line, and sinker.
Thankfully, my being scientifically minded enabled me to unravel these lies — though not before allowing myself to let go of the sanctity of romantic love and look at it all irreverently, which didnʼt happen for
years.
The amount of evidence from scientific investigation in multiple disciplines in favor of the notion that humans were never meant to be monogamous is overwhelming. I canʼt get into all the studies and data and theories here, as they would easily fill volumes. You can dig around through my other posts for some of the details, and look up stuff elsewhere on topics such as “sperm competition”, “extra-pair paternity”, studies on the implications of human phallic size and shape on sperm competition and comparison with other primates, studies on variations in human female sexual preferences across the menstrual cycle, rates of marriage failure and infidelity, womenʼs orgasmic response in affairs vs. with husbands, and many, many, many other things.
In a nutshell, many animals including humans previously thought to be monogamous actually exist in a proverbial “Matrix” inspired by evolution, called “social monogamy”, in which the female is basically programmed to latch onto the resources of an easily-controlled male and then get impregnated by a male who exhibits an
entirely different set of behaviours — namely, dominance and polygamy. Females
inherently do
not desire to be impregnated by a monogamous male, because such males are at an evolutionary disadvantage due to the tremendous gender disparity in maximal reproductive output. Monogamy basically does not come naturally to either females or especially males, and the inferior males who
are tricked into monogamy, while
useful to females, are largely not
sexually attractive to them.
Accepting and embracing this is a huge mental leap for most of us, but one which carries enormous benefits. Before I accepted this, the closest I
ever got to a pussy was my left palm.
I should point out here that Iʼm speaking of
unconscious processes — very few women will
ever even admit to themselves, let alone another person, that theyʼll get off on getting fucked by a playboy way more than doing the same‑old with their devoted husband. On a conscious level, they probably do “love” that husband. Weʼre talking here about
instincts.
You should never get into any long-term relationship,
ever, unless itʼs an open relationship where youʼre not only allowed to, but
are, fucking other women on the side.
It is the only way she will remain instinctively attracted to you. For me, I take it a step further, and I donʼt intend to
ever get into a relationship. When I find a girl who meets my high standards for having a kid with (and sexual loyalty is
not one of them), then Iʼll just knock her up, and if a PCR test says the kidʼs actually mine, then we share custody from day one. Keeps the amount of power that any one woman has over me to the bare minimum.
Donʼt get me wrong, I love women. I just finally realized that loving any
one singular woman is idiotic.
czk said:
She is type of a girl Iʼm looking for — silent, stay-at-home ...
Your wanting this type of woman is a product of your flawed ideals. If you really understood and accepted that monogamy is at its core a sham, and one that is inherently useless to males,
you would not even value such qualities.
czk said:
She has liked many party clubʼs on her profile, so — from this perspective is a turn off. But I donʼt know her yet — maybe she is just looking for a boyfriend that way.
Women like casual sex.
Their brains are not wired for true monogamy. If you dislike sexually liberal women,
this is going to severely hamper your ability to attract women, because they will sense that you disapprove of their sexuality and will therefore
act very sexually repressed around you even though they are not, to avoid your disapproval. But getting anything sexual going on is very difficult when you cause a woman to be reserved like this, because women
are hard‑wired to be more sexually attracted to men who can get in their panties fast!!
Your attitudes about sex and relationships are going to ruin you!!
I donʼt mean to be hard on you... just tryinʼ to slap you to your senses. I donʼt know if my post will do that, but I really hope
something does, because I wouldnʼt have my worst enemy remain in such a fucked up place.
czk said:
My city population is about 43 000.
As a practical note, this is a very poor environment for someone who already suffers from a mental model founded in scarcity. It will only serve to reinforce your habit of seeing a singular woman as your absolute best option. Try to move if you can.
czk said:
She is ready for getting kiss from me.
You have a whole ton of traditional beliefs about women and dating that you need to get rid of; this is another example of that. Arguably, itʼs generally
not a good idea to kiss a girl at least until you have her home. It just shows your cards and deflates sexual tension. I can tell you from experience that itʼs possible to seduce a girl, on the first date, without
ever initiating a kiss.
Phoenix
p.s.,
your best chance by far to sleep with a girl is when youʼve just met her. Guys who concentrate on a girl at work are most often doing so from a fucked up place where they donʼt have the balls to approach real strangers. Been there, too.
