How to encourage a woman you're fucking to lose weight without hurting her feelings?

[Carlos Alberto]

I have been fucking a woman for 3 days now. She has developed strong emotions for me already and calls me her daddy/papi. I make her cum 4-5 times every time we have sex and she often tells me how good and hard I fuck her and that no man has ever fucked her and made her squirt the way I do. According to her every guy she's been always came before she did. I fuck her for hours and make her cum a lot and hard and I only cum when I want to, so I am quite the stud in her eyes.

It's clear from the way she talks to me that she wants a relationship with me. She texts me every day, wants to cook for me, tells me she misses me, and let me cum inside her(she went and bought a plan b pill after). I joked that if she got pregnant and I left her, would she have an abortion? She said she would probably raise the baby, she likes kids.

Just giving some context that this woman is invested in me very fast. I find her face attractive, she has great legs and hips, but she is a bit overweight. I am not willing to go into a relationship with her unless she makes some changes starting with becoming thin enough for my personal liking.

She already asked me once if I liked her body, I said yes. She responded that she doesn't like her body sometimes. I thought it might've been too early to encourage her about it. But, I also had no plans or desires to pursue anything more serious with her at the time so I simply told her what she wanted to hear.

How should I bring forth this topic and positively encourage her to make the changes I desire? In a way that makes her feel good about doing this for me, instead of feeling bad that she is not worthy enough for me as she is.

Would you employ a subtle, indirect strategy? Or a more direct approach?

 

[TomInHo]

Ah yes! Those chunky girls tend to give the best head and are always so eager to please

But if she doesn’t match your physical requirements for a relationship, why bother trying to change her?

Can always get another girl that’s more your preference... Unless you the lack confidence to get a more attractive partner

 

[topcat]

I’d get it if you guys had been dating a while, she originally was a size you liked but progressively put on unfavourable amounts of weight.

But..

If you found her fat, leave her fat and find a girl your preferred size. Asking her to lose weight so you can take her seriously, I mean you can try it but i don’t see it going down well.

You’ll just reinforce the fact to her that she was good enough to fuck but not good enough to “wife” which will cause some serious autorejection.

 

[Will_V]

3 days in is not the time to start suggesting she lose weight. That's the sort of thing you can think about bringing up tactfully later on in a relationship after there's plenty of trust and investment built up.

Personally I am not really keen on the idea of trying to change a girl like that. Fat girls tend to have a lot of psychology tangled into their self image and unless you want to be her therapist you'll have a hard time dealing with that. It would take months/years and all it would probably take is one doldrum to send her back to square 1. I believe overcoming that sort of psychological stuff is best conceived and achieved either individually or with an objective party like a therapist or coach (one she doesn't have attachment to). That's the only way it can become a permanent part of her independent self image.

I have had girlfriends who started off pretty lean put on a few kilos - nothing you would notice unless you had first hand knowledge. That was already difficult to deal with. The best way to keep her fit and healthy is for her to think you are her best shot and feel like she might lose you, but even then it's better to go with a girl who just doesn't have the issue to begin with.

Also, as my father likes to say 'look at her mother and you'll know what she'll look like in a few decades'. A good upbringing with the best role models is by far the more important aspect of choosing a girl for an LTR, because that's what typically forms the foundation of her psychology to which she will return under stress.

 

[POB]

Did she ever make any mention of changing her ways to lose weight?
If yes:
-lead by example...ping her with your pictures in the gym, the healthy meals you are eating, and refuse any unhealthy dates with her. Encourage her to show you her progress. Be very positive with her shortcomings and make her focus on the long run.
If no:
- accept what she is, keep having fun, but don't make her more than a FB. And of course, go find a girl who is more of your liking in the physical department

Also just give it more time before thinking about commiting...six months minimum to make your decision.

 

[Wick]

You need to value and uphold the standard highly in yourself.

She needs to be open minded and value it enough to do it for herself.

I've helped girlfriends to make healthy habits, but they were VERY open to it, saw the importance of it, and took it on as their own. Also I was knowledgeable enough in the subject to help them.

A theme I like to establish in my relationships is one of standards. We stay attractive for our own sake, and for each others, and we call each other out on when we are falling short. But it's all pretty clearly discussed, understood, and agreed upon before. We know we share that value.

I just started getting my girl into the gym to get that booty "shelf", by letting her know how well she has been taking care of herself and here's a way she can take it even further. Making it fun, and teaching her how to workout the right muscles. But she is wanting it as much as I do.

 

[Skills]

I have been fucking a woman for 3 days now. She has developed strong emotions for me already and calls me her daddy/papi. I make her cum 4-5 times every time we have sex and she often tells me how good and hard I fuck her and that no man has ever fucked her and made her squirt the way I do. According to her every guy she's been always came before she did. I fuck her for hours and make her cum a lot and hard and I only cum when I want to, so I am quite the stud in her eyes.

It's clear from the way she talks to me that she wants a relationship with me. She texts me every day, wants to cook for me, tells me she misses me, and let me cum inside her(she went and bought a plan b pill after). I joked that if she got pregnant and I left her, would she have an abortion? She said she would probably raise the baby, she likes kids.

Just giving some context that this woman is invested in me very fast. I find her face attractive, she has great legs and hips, but she is a bit overweight. I am not willing to go into a relationship with her unless she makes some changes starting with becoming thin enough for my personal liking.

She already asked me once if I liked her body, I said yes. She responded that she doesn't like her body sometimes. I thought it might've been too early to encourage her about it. But, I also had no plans or desires to pursue anything more serious with her at the time so I simply told her what she wanted to hear.

How should I bring forth this topic and positively encourage her to make the changes I desire? In a way that makes her feel good about doing this for me, instead of feeling bad that she is not worthy enough for me as she is.

Would you employ a subtle, indirect strategy? Or a more direct approach?

If she is not ideal she is fuck buddy... You need to know what you are doing, problem is most guys don't know about training and nutrition and how to make it easy for the girl vs overwhelming... She gave you and in, when she brought up the subject.... anyways here is how to do it:

Introduction to fixer upper game "how to create your own hottie" - The Skills Method

I come form a real estate background. In real estate what we do is we find a house with tons of potential, no matter the condition, we invest a little … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

 

[Skills]

3 days in is not the time to start suggesting she lose weight. That's the sort of thing you can think about bringing up tactfully later on in a relationship after there's plenty of trust and investment built up.

Personally I am not really keen on the idea of trying to change a girl like that. Fat girls tend to have a lot of psychology tangled into their self image and unless you want to be her therapist you'll have a hard time dealing with that. It would take months/years and all it would probably take is one doldrum to send her back to square 1. I believe overcoming that sort of psychological stuff is best conceived and achieved either individually or with an objective party like a therapist or coach (one she doesn't have attachment to). That's the only way it can become a permanent part of her independent self image.

I have had girlfriends who started off pretty lean put on a few kilos - nothing you would notice unless you had first hand knowledge. That was already difficult to deal with. The best way to keep her fit and healthy is for her to think you are her best shot and feel like she might lose you, but even then it's better to go with a girl who just doesn't have the issue to begin with.

Also, as my father likes to say 'look at her mother and you'll know what she'll look like in a few decades'. A good upbringing with the best role models is by far the more important aspect of choosing a girl for an LTR, because that's what typically forms the foundation of her psychology to which she will return under stress.

The look at the mother can backfire, sometimes is the father gene that is dominant....

 

[Skills]

I have been fucking a woman for 3 days now. She has developed strong emotions for me already and calls me her daddy/papi. I make her cum 4-5 times every time we have sex and she often tells me how good and hard I fuck her and that no man has ever fucked her and made her squirt the way I do. According to her every guy she's been always came before she did. I fuck her for hours and make her cum a lot and hard and I only cum when I want to, so I am quite the stud in her eyes.

It's clear from the way she talks to me that she wants a relationship with me. She texts me every day, wants to cook for me, tells me she misses me, and let me cum inside her(she went and bought a plan b pill after). I joked that if she got pregnant and I left her, would she have an abortion? She said she would probably raise the baby, she likes kids.

Just giving some context that this woman is invested in me very fast. I find her face attractive, she has great legs and hips, but she is a bit overweight. I am not willing to go into a relationship with her unless she makes some changes starting with becoming thin enough for my personal liking.

She already asked me once if I liked her body, I said yes. She responded that she doesn't like her body sometimes. I thought it might've been too early to encourage her about it. But, I also had no plans or desires to pursue anything more serious with her at the time so I simply told her what she wanted to hear.

How should I bring forth this topic and positively encourage her to make the changes I desire? In a way that makes her feel good about doing this for me, instead of feeling bad that she is not worthy enough for me as she is.

Would you employ a subtle, indirect strategy? Or a more direct approach?

Guarantee you she is Latin, dude don't be fucking around with the birth control with Latin women or you will paying 18 years child support....and your kid will come out looking like an XXL version of you when you were a kid...

 

[Will_V]

The look at the mother can backfire, sometimes is the father gene that is dominant....

It's more of a rule of thumb than a scientific principle. A person looks to their parents (especially the same gender one) as the source of truth about who they will become, during the first decade or two of their lives when their self perception is developing and at its most malleable. And later in life, especially in times of stress, they will enact the identity of their parents as a way to reinforce themselves, sometimes without knowing. And of course it is not irresistible, someone can end up being very different but typically that takes a very strong will and certain kinds of experiences to shape you another way. But it will always have a powerful influence.

For example I had a girlfriend who sometimes blew up severely and I had a hard time getting her under control. I found out sometime after the first incident that her mother apparently would blow up on her father and he'd try to placate her until she just eventually ran out of steam, it was just the way they dealt with eachother. So really she was enacting that as a means of finding her way in the relationship.

I believe that goes for appearance as well - the way she dresses and sets up her presentation of herself to the world, including how much weight she considers acceptable (or even desirable) is going to follow her mother. Because subconsciously she has her mother there as 'that is who I am and will be'. And it is not invalidated by periods of rebelliousness, because rebelliousness only lasts so long before it runs out of steam.

There is the genetic component, and I don't know enough about it to say whether it's more likely that an overweight father or mother will have an effect, but even if there was a genetic component the psychological aspect will even provide a pressure against it if it is not who her mother was.

It's very interesting how little importance is given to the early development of a human being considering that is what will have the most effect on shaping the future of a society. There are very few books or instructional materials on how to raise a human being, it is sort of considered that as long as you love them and do the bare essentials of providing and provisioning then it's all the same. But that is simply not the case. Perhaps society does not consider it the role of a parent to bring up their kids or to have any ideal of how to do so. But that's getting off topic.

 

[Skills]

It's more of a rule of thumb than a scientific principle. A person looks to their parents (especially the same gender one) as the source of truth about who they will become, during the first decade or two of their lives when their self perception is developing and at its most malleable. And later in life, especially in times of stress, they will enact the identity of their parents as a way to reinforce themselves, sometimes without knowing. And of course it is not irresistible, someone can end up being very different but typically that takes a very strong will and certain kinds of experiences to shape you another way. But it will always have a powerful influence.

For example I had a girlfriend who sometimes blew up severely and I had a hard time getting her under control. I found out sometime after the first incident that her mother apparently would blow up on her father and he'd try to placate her until she just eventually ran out of steam, it was just the way they dealt with eachother. So really she was enacting that as a means of finding her way in the relationship.

I believe that goes for appearance as well - the way she dresses and sets up her presentation of herself to the world, including how much weight she considers acceptable (or even desirable) is going to follow her mother. Because subconsciously she has her mother there as 'that is who I am and will be'. And it is not invalidated by periods of rebelliousness, because rebelliousness only lasts so long before it runs out of steam.

There is the genetic component, and I don't know enough about it to say whether it's more likely that an overweight father or mother will have an effect, but even if there was a genetic component the psychological aspect will even provide a pressure against it if it is not who her mother was.

It's very interesting how little importance is given to the early development of a human being considering that is what will have the most effect on shaping the future of a society. There are very few books or instructional materials on how to raise a human being, it is sort of considered that as long as you love them and do the bare essentials of providing and provisioning then it's all the same. But that is simply not the case. Perhaps society does not consider it the role of a parent to bring up their kids or to have any ideal of how to do so. But that's getting off topic.

again the look at the mom is meh.... Is just things repeated that are not factual.... Had plenty of slender girls that remain slender and the mom was a balloon. Had girls that were slender and the daughter look like a an inflated potato.... Is just an urban myth... is not really true, may come out with the dads genes.... and by the way lets assume is true and you meet a slender girls and the mom is fat..... Makes 0 different no girl that dates me will blow up during dating me or they will be gone....

 

[Carlos Alberto]

Thanks for the replies.

She's asian, in Uni to be an officer in the military, forgot to mention that. She works out a few times a week, some of it mandatory because she has pt, just isn't in the shape she wants to be yet but working towards that according to her words.

I will simply keep her as a fuck buddy maybe(other option is stop seeing her), I am no longer interested in pursuing a relationship. That interest was very minimal and wishy-washy as, admittedly I had been in a dark hole for a while and being able to deeply satisfy a woman allowed me to regain what it feels like to be a man that is desired by women.

That confidence will allow me to pursue women I am genuinely interested in. I feel a tinge of sadness, because although I never directly led her on, I feel as if I may have given her too much attention for her own good, and since I have started to pull back now she will feel me investing less.

I am saddened and responsible for the situation. I hope to carry things out without causing any unnecessary damage.

Women can be fragile. I feel such deep empathy for them.

 

[Will_V]

again the look at the mom is meh.... Is just things repeated that are not factual.... Had plenty of slender girls that remain slender and the mom was a balloon. Had girls that were slender and the daughter look like a an inflated potato.... Is just an urban myth... is not really true, may come out with the dads genes.... and by the way lets assume is true and you meet a slender girls and the mom is fat..... Makes 0 different no girl that dates me will blow up during dating me or they will be gone....

Nah I've seen it too many times. It won't be true in all cases and at all times - for example when a girl is looking for a relationship and locking you down she will put a lot of effort into staying fit and looking good. But when you are years into a relationship, and you're invested and committed, and things get a little less exciting for her, that's when you start to know who she really believes that she is.

Maintaining a very imbalanced investment in the relationship is one way to keep the pressure on her to stay attractive, but I don't buy into the typical RP idea that you can just walk away from your investments when things go south, at the very least it will be a monumental waste of time. It's up to you to choose your investments carefully and that means knowing where things are gravitating toward so you don't end up trying to fight a woman's nature deep into the relationship. That's been the number one lesson from my relationships so far - choose wisely and save as much of your leadership resources as possible for more fruitful enterprises.

 

[Skills]

Nah I've seen it too many times. It won't be true in all cases and at all times - for example when a girl is looking for a relationship and locking you down she will put a lot of effort into staying fit and looking good. But when you are years into a relationship, and you're invested and committed, and things get a little less exciting for her, that's when you start to know who she really believes that she is.

Maintaining a very imbalanced investment in the relationship is one way to keep the pressure on her to stay attractive, but I don't buy into the typical RP idea that you can just walk away from your investments when things go south, at the very least it will be a monumental waste of time. It's up to you to choose your investments carefully and that means knowing where things are gravitating toward so you don't end up trying to fight a woman's nature deep into the relationship. That's been the number one lesson from my relationships so far - choose wisely and save as much of your leadership resources as possible for more fruitful enterprises.

then we will agree to disagree, Is like a girl saying look at the dudes dad to see how the dude will look, see the flawed in the logic.... I have never had a girl gain weight during my relationships, usually 3 to 10 years.... they gain the weight AFTER...... Yes with normies women will put on weight once the dude locked in, not with seducers....

 

[Will_V]

then we will agree to disagree, Is like a girl saying look at the dudes dad to see how the dude will look, see the flawed in the logic.... I have never had a girl gain weight during my relationships, usually 3 to 10 years.... they gain the weight AFTER...... Yes with normies women will put on weight once the dude locked in, not with seducers....

It's not about appearance per se but identity. A woman's self image is much more tied to her appearance than a man, though I think also for a man it will have an effect. My father for example in his 80s stays very fit, works outdoors a lot, has a beard, likes wearing boots etc. I am all of those things already, partly because of his example, and I will be inclined to stay that way all through my life.
For a woman the appearance factor is much stronger even. If her mother is fit and she has a good relationship with her, she'll be embarrassed to be going around fat. But if her mother is fat and her dad is OK with it not only she'll think it's OK but she'll expect men in her life to be OK with it too. You can fight it but it's another burden on the relationship.

As much as I think being a seducer helps with getting laid, it's an entirely different enterprise in a relationship. The same way that a good entrepreneur and a good manager usually don't come in the same package. Both can be learned but one doesn't come with the other.

Anyway, that's my experience and point of view.

 

[Skills]

It's not about appearance per se but identity. A woman's self image is much more tied to her appearance than a man, though I think also for a man it will have an effect. My father for example in his 80s stays very fit, works outdoors a lot, has a beard, likes wearing boots etc. I am all of those things already, partly because of his example, and I will be inclined to stay that way all through my life.
For a woman the appearance factor is much stronger even. If her mother is fit and she has a good relationship with her, she'll be embarrassed to be going around fat. But if her mother is fat and her dad is OK with it not only she'll think it's OK but she'll expect men in her life to be OK with it too. You can fight it but it's another burden on the relationship.

As much as I think being a seducer helps with getting laid, it's an entirely different enterprise in a relationship. The same way that a good entrepreneur and a good manager usually don't come in the same package. Both can be learned but one doesn't come with the other.

Anyway, that's my experience and point of view.

Will my point is you are projecting which is fine because we all talk from our own life experiences... What I mention is my experience my ex of 10 years was the longest, and she remained fit and even got fitter through the relationship, to the point I was getting worried cause I like giggle in the butt she lost the giggle, her mom was a bbw, her dad was a stick she came out with the dad gene on the body and mom face which was perfect convo...why I mention seducer vs normies with a seducer as long as he doesn't get betazize she had the competition threat, plus she will have a good role model of a guy in self improvement and fitness oriented, it makes a huge difference...

 

[Will_V]

Will my point is you are projecting which is fine because we all talk from our own life experiences... What I mention is my experience my ex of 10 years was the longest, and she remained fit and even got fitter through the relationship, to the point I was getting worried cause I like giggle in the butt she lost the giggle, her mom was a bbw, her dad was a stick she came out with the dad gene on the body and mom face which was perfect convo...

You're missing the point with your projection from 1 sample size. The practical reality is that somewhere around 2/3 of people, the vast majority, are overweight. Why do they get that way? Not because of 'dad genes' or 'mom genes' but bad habits and psychological, identity-based issues, many of which are passed down through the generations from the primary role models.

In this day and age it's very easy to get fat, you need to put effort to stay in shape. When you're single and you are looking for the best mate it's a lot easier to do so, you have a lot of motivation. But years into a relationship, when things get difficult, maybe she is popping out the second baby, things aren't going great, and she starts eating a bit more to feel better, that's when it's very difficult to resist putting on some weight unless she has a strong identity built around being and staying fit.

Your sample doesn't disprove this. A general rule doesn't apply in all cases because there are lots of factors involved. Parental role models are only 1 of those but they are a powerful factor.

In my case my girl was very athletic and into sports (rowing and running) so she could eat a fair bit without gaining weight, but she moved over to my country and suddenly was working, studying, learning english, commuting 2 hours a day and had no time for exercise. She was a very good cook too and I encouraged her with it. But over a couple of years she put on a few pounds, nothing major but enough to make a difference for me. I started taking her to the gym with me but we ended up breaking up not too long after for a variety of reasons.

Her mother was very fit, running marathons and such. So she had a good role model. And later on (after we broke up) when things eased up for her, she told me she'd been running and losing weight. Would she have done that if her mom wasn't running marathons? Unlikely. She respected her mother, who was a very dominant, permanent figure in her life who would have commented on it the first time she flew back home. I know how much all her mother's feedback influenced and affected her even though on the face of it their relationship was rocky. And I know how much she wanted to be like her. That's why she was into sports to begin with, because her mother was good at it and she wanted to be even better.

why I mention seducer vs normies with a seducer as long as he doesn't get betazize she had the competition threat, plus she will have a good role model of a guy in self improvement and fitness oriented, it makes a huge difference...

I don't believe that a boyfriend serves very much as a role model for a girl. He could be into fitness and self-improvement but that doesn't mean she will care less about it, especially when she isn't still trying to tie him down and the role she has in the relationship becomes very different from his.

I won't go further into why being a good seducer only marginally helps with LTRs as it's offtopic.

 

[Skills]

You're missing the point with your projection from 1 sample size. The practical reality is that somewhere around 2/3 of people, the vast majority, are overweight. Why do they get that way? Not because of 'dad genes' or 'mom genes' but bad habits and psychological, identity-based issues, many of which are passed down through the generations from the primary role models.

no i had many examples, i gave you the LONGEST, sample... 10 years, no counting multiple sisters when one sister thin and the other balloom... I had as i said a slim milf that one of the daughter was balloom (had dad genes), the other daughter thin..

In this day and age it's very easy to get fat, you need to put effort to stay in shape. When you're single and you are looking for the best mate it's a lot easier to do so, you have a lot of motivation. But years into a relationship, when things get difficult, maybe she is popping out the second baby, things aren't going great, and she starts eating a bit more to feel better, that's when it's very difficult to resist putting on some weight unless she has a strong identity built around being and staying fit.

Does not match the women i had never had a girl get fatter for more than maybe a month in any of my relationships...

Your sample doesn't disprove this. A general rule doesn't apply in all cases because there are lots of factors involved. Parental role models are only 1 of those but they are a powerful factor.

So what is the numbers of relationship and girls that i have to date to disapprove this none sense...

In my case my girl was very athletic and into sports (rowing and running) so she could eat a fair bit without gaining weight, but she moved over to my country and suddenly was working, studying, learning english, commuting 2 hours a day and had no time for exercise. She was a very good cook too and I encouraged her with it. But over a couple of years she put on a few pounds, nothing major but enough to make a difference for me. I started taking her to the gym with me but we ended up breaking up not too long after for a variety of reasons.

Her mother was very fit, running marathons and such. So she had a good role model. And later on (after we broke up) when things eased up for her, she told me she'd been running and losing weight. Would she have done that if her mom wasn't running marathons? Unlikely. She respected her mother, who was a very dominant, permanent figure in her life who would have commented on it the first time she flew back home. I know how much all her mother's feedback influenced and affected her even though on the face of it their relationship was rocky. And I know how much she wanted to be like her. That's why she was into sports to begin with, because her mother was good at it and she wanted to be even better.

You have one sample size and does not approve or disapprove anything..

I don't believe that a boyfriend serves very much as a role model for a girl. He could be into fitness and self-improvement but that doesn't mean she will care less about it, especially when she isn't still trying to tie him down and the role she has in the relationship becomes very different from his.

I won't go further into why being a good seducer only marginally helps with LTRs as it's offtopic.

Dude you are projecting, boyfriend makes a huge difference... If you don't know by now that women will behave different and act different with one guy vs another, then i don't know what to tell you.... A lot of those women not all did gain weight with other dudes AFTER, not while they were with me, they either lost weight and got in better shape with me or remain the same.... I never had cases of weight gain over a month (some got prego which cause gain weight)


p.s. i just thought about something imagine you have a bunch of girls that you are dating then you are screening for an ltr, finally one wins the competition after 6 months vetting period, you finally meet the mom, and mom fat...then what? see how crazy this theory is...

 

[Will_V]

p.s. i just thought about something imagine you have a bunch of girls that you are dating then you are screening for an ltr, finally one wins the competition after 6 months vetting period, you finally meet the mom, and mom fat...then what? see how crazy this theory is...

I think this one has run its course .. but to your point, a big part of the screening process for me is meeting the parents as that gives me a good idea of the direction she has been given throughout her life, her main context for how relationships should be run, and the sort of advice that I can expect her parents to dish out when she confides in them.