Having your stuff together

[Whizzy]

Last night a girl that I am seriously considering making my girlfriend made an interesting comment, she is the main problem solver for people in her life. However, with me there is nothing that she can help me with as I have my life together for the most point and if anything comes up I just fix/deal with the problem myself to get it out of the way. Thinking back this type of statement only proved how strong I appear to her in comparison to others in her life, but this then brings up the question of expectation settings. If she tried to get me to solve everything for her, as she helps others and as a result has no time to get her life on track, I would have to decline. Curious as to people's thoughts on this?

 

[Franco]

Whizzy,

It really depends what her issues are and how your handle them.

For example, about two months ago, my girlfriend got her car broken into and had her purse stolen. I talked to her on the phone that night while she cried a bit. The next day, I decided to surprise her at work to get food from the restaurant she works at. She was super happy to see me because I had been talking about visiting her there for awhile.

Remember, sometimes when a girl is having issues, the best thing you can give her is a little bit of your time to show you care.

If you notice, I didn't go and buy her a new purse. That would be lending more of a hand than you should or need to. Just make sure that you're there for her when she needs you, but don't go trying to "fix" her own problems if they truly are her own problems.

- Franco

 

[Whizzy]

Hey Franco,

I agree fully with that, I had no intentions of trying to fix her problems now but was thinking more long term if these problems persist (finishing her last year in college, better job, etc)

 

[Franco]

Whizzy,

but was thinking more long term if these problems persist (finishing her last year in college, better job, etc)

I'm still kind of experimenting with this myself; Chase might have a better answer though.

In general, you're going to have to date a girl who's self-motivated to do the things she wants to do, but if getting a PhD (for example) isn't something that was ever on her menu, and you're hoping you can change that, then you might be wasting your effort.

That's why we encourage guys to screen for these types of things early. If the girl plans on being a housewife and not holding down any type of job in the future, then you might want to investigate to see if that's the case long before you enter a serious relationship with her.

Another thing I want to mention is that you can help a girl ACHIEVE her goals by motivating her and providing her with advice/assistance here and there when you can. My girl and I have had several conversations where she's debated switching to a new job, so I've basically had her list out what the pros and cons are of her current job and what the pros and cons would be of the new job. After some conversation about what she wants/needs, I was able to advise her what I thought would be best.

- Franco

 

[Whizzy]

Franco,

Another thing I want to mention is that you can help a girl ACHIEVE her goals by motivating her and providing her with advice/assistance here and there when you can. My girl and I have had several conversations where she's debated switching to a new job, so I've basically had her list out what the pros and cons are of her current job and what the pros and cons would be of the new job. After some conversation about what she wants/needs, I was able to advise her what I thought would be best.

I was starting to notice that as well. She has mentioned being motivated to improve her life just by being around me because of the vibe that I can give off. I believe the key point is that has to be something that she herself wants, she may just be unsure or unaware of it.