Hey all!
Finished having lunch with my family to celebrate my birthday, and was walking back to my car across a pavilion and locked eyes with a cute girl sitting down with a journal out. She kind of mouthed hi and I stopped and started asking about her journaling. I'm going to challenge myself REALLY hard to remember exactly what was said, as this is a very good test case for where I'm losing all girls currently. There was a wave of attraction through this that peaked early, drooped, came back up, and then died off. The entire interaction was ~20 minutes.
Me: Hey, what are you working on there? Journaling?
Her: Yeah (smile)
Me: Cool, I'm curious, I've tried journaling, but I used ones that asked questions like "what are you grateful for". How do you do it?
Her: I try to write down... (lots of talk about her reviewing her week and writing down experiences, thoughts, and hopes).
Me: That's interesting! If it's not too personal, can I know what you were just writing down?
Her: Sure, (says I can sit down) (looks down at her phone, says she's hanging up, and hangs up) I realized it's not good to tell other people how you're feeling.
Me: Well, I think it matters on finding the right people you can tell, you know?
Her: Yeah (goes into a lot about her ex relationship and how toxic it's been, they're staying in contact).
Me: (I mention in between how I had a 5 year relationship end, so I can relate to that aspect) (I also sprinkle in small fixing/advice type comments which I realize now probably weren't helping [as if ex talk is a good thing in the first place...])
This is where the attraction had peaked, I was looking deep into her right eye as she talked and she started looking back and forth between my eyes rapidly (I didn't notice the lip glance for the full triangle). She has leaned in and I lean in moments later to match her engagement.
As the ex talk goes on, this peak starting falling off and she stops leaning forward and stops the eye thing, so I lean back moments later.
Me: What's your name?
Her: ___
(handclasp across the table)
Me: ___, well you're pretty cute.
Her: Thank you!
(We keep talking about the topic while I probe for her logistics occasionally)
She had been in a neutral pose for a while and then suddenly sat up and fully turned towards me (we were ajar at this round table) to go deeper into things, leaning forward a bit.
I'm struggling to remember the exacts of this part, but I know for sure what really sent things downhill. I mentioned how my ex had broken up with me over me not making money yet. It related to the topic but still big dumb........ She did ask what my degree was and I got to share a bit of how Dallas is the #1 city in the country for it, so I seem to be in this odd sorta lover, maybe provider position that was weakening from both ends.
I have found out she lives alone and is just meeting friends later, so I go for some compliance by asking her to walk (also asked to see pics of her dog earlier, but that feels minor). She agrees and mentions she needs to use the restroom. We go into the coffee shop we were in front of and I mention I'm going to get some water. While she's in the restroom (which took a while) I locked eyes with another girl who "just happened" to be throwing something away right by me 2 seconds later. I didn't go for anything due to not knowing when the first girl would be back...
I wait outside drinking my water and she finally comes out and mentions she thought I was getting a coffee, and I just reconfirm, nah just wanted water. At this point, the vibe is fucking dead. I think she started processing things in the bathroom and I wasn't checking any of the boxes anymore and she was out. She did walk with me and sat down when I said to, but she was putting nothing into the conversation now. I ask her to hangout more before seeing her friends and she turns that down, then I ask to meet for coffee and she turns that down and just says she'll be her next Sunday, kind of matter-of-fact. So I took my leave with no number, no nothing...
My review: I NEED to get better at steering topics. I'm extremely good at listening and going deeper into whatever is happening, not really good at jumping ship to a whole new topic smoothly, though. I should have done something when she was doing the rapid eye thing, not totally sure what given how early it was with no clue about viable logistics. Need to fucking kill my ex talk beyond minor mentions at most. Need to fucking kill my attempting to justify my current situation (didn't do it too much here, but it popped up with the ex talk). Felt like if I had actual solid logistics and a better game plan, could've pulled her in the first minute or two when the eye thing was happening and before everything went bad.
Does anyone see anything here I'm missing? This was a prime example of warm at first glance, spiked very quickly, died down, came up, then died off, so I imagine most, if not all of my big issues (during the pickup phase) were on display here at some point. It's hard to balance my actual curiosity with not going down bad rabbit holes... If I would've diverted away from the girl's ex boyfriend topic, it would have been a much cleaner interaction. How do you guys deal with "bummer" topics?
Finished having lunch with my family to celebrate my birthday, and was walking back to my car across a pavilion and locked eyes with a cute girl sitting down with a journal out. She kind of mouthed hi and I stopped and started asking about her journaling. I'm going to challenge myself REALLY hard to remember exactly what was said, as this is a very good test case for where I'm losing all girls currently. There was a wave of attraction through this that peaked early, drooped, came back up, and then died off. The entire interaction was ~20 minutes.
Me: Hey, what are you working on there? Journaling?
Her: Yeah (smile)
Me: Cool, I'm curious, I've tried journaling, but I used ones that asked questions like "what are you grateful for". How do you do it?
Her: I try to write down... (lots of talk about her reviewing her week and writing down experiences, thoughts, and hopes).
Me: That's interesting! If it's not too personal, can I know what you were just writing down?
Her: Sure, (says I can sit down) (looks down at her phone, says she's hanging up, and hangs up) I realized it's not good to tell other people how you're feeling.
Me: Well, I think it matters on finding the right people you can tell, you know?
Her: Yeah (goes into a lot about her ex relationship and how toxic it's been, they're staying in contact).
Me: (I mention in between how I had a 5 year relationship end, so I can relate to that aspect) (I also sprinkle in small fixing/advice type comments which I realize now probably weren't helping [as if ex talk is a good thing in the first place...])
This is where the attraction had peaked, I was looking deep into her right eye as she talked and she started looking back and forth between my eyes rapidly (I didn't notice the lip glance for the full triangle). She has leaned in and I lean in moments later to match her engagement.
As the ex talk goes on, this peak starting falling off and she stops leaning forward and stops the eye thing, so I lean back moments later.
Me: What's your name?
Her: ___
(handclasp across the table)
Me: ___, well you're pretty cute.
Her: Thank you!
(We keep talking about the topic while I probe for her logistics occasionally)
She had been in a neutral pose for a while and then suddenly sat up and fully turned towards me (we were ajar at this round table) to go deeper into things, leaning forward a bit.
I'm struggling to remember the exacts of this part, but I know for sure what really sent things downhill. I mentioned how my ex had broken up with me over me not making money yet. It related to the topic but still big dumb........ She did ask what my degree was and I got to share a bit of how Dallas is the #1 city in the country for it, so I seem to be in this odd sorta lover, maybe provider position that was weakening from both ends.
I have found out she lives alone and is just meeting friends later, so I go for some compliance by asking her to walk (also asked to see pics of her dog earlier, but that feels minor). She agrees and mentions she needs to use the restroom. We go into the coffee shop we were in front of and I mention I'm going to get some water. While she's in the restroom (which took a while) I locked eyes with another girl who "just happened" to be throwing something away right by me 2 seconds later. I didn't go for anything due to not knowing when the first girl would be back...
I wait outside drinking my water and she finally comes out and mentions she thought I was getting a coffee, and I just reconfirm, nah just wanted water. At this point, the vibe is fucking dead. I think she started processing things in the bathroom and I wasn't checking any of the boxes anymore and she was out. She did walk with me and sat down when I said to, but she was putting nothing into the conversation now. I ask her to hangout more before seeing her friends and she turns that down, then I ask to meet for coffee and she turns that down and just says she'll be her next Sunday, kind of matter-of-fact. So I took my leave with no number, no nothing...
My review: I NEED to get better at steering topics. I'm extremely good at listening and going deeper into whatever is happening, not really good at jumping ship to a whole new topic smoothly, though. I should have done something when she was doing the rapid eye thing, not totally sure what given how early it was with no clue about viable logistics. Need to fucking kill my ex talk beyond minor mentions at most. Need to fucking kill my attempting to justify my current situation (didn't do it too much here, but it popped up with the ex talk). Felt like if I had actual solid logistics and a better game plan, could've pulled her in the first minute or two when the eye thing was happening and before everything went bad.
Does anyone see anything here I'm missing? This was a prime example of warm at first glance, spiked very quickly, died down, came up, then died off, so I imagine most, if not all of my big issues (during the pickup phase) were on display here at some point. It's hard to balance my actual curiosity with not going down bad rabbit holes... If I would've diverted away from the girl's ex boyfriend topic, it would have been a much cleaner interaction. How do you guys deal with "bummer" topics?
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