FR Girl Seems Receptive but Refuse to Give Number in Direct Approach

[vicknick]

So I dressed up well on that day and trying to cold approach few girls at a shopping mall. I have encountered a few cases where the girls seems to be receptive with my approach, but at the end of the conversation when I want to ask for their number, they refused to give it. I think it could be that I talk too much about her job or something, but I tried to talk more about something related to her, and also teasing a bit here and there.

Below is one of the conversation where I cold approach a girl.


Me: Hi. Just now I saw you, I think you are quite cute, so come and say hi to you.

Girl: Oh thank you! *giggling*

Me: Your reaction just now was a bit shocked.

Girl: Yeah of course someone approach me from behind haha!

Me: What are you doing right now?

Girl: Oh I am going to meet my friends.

Me: I see. How old are you btw?

Girl: You guess

Me: You want me to guess? I guess around 25.

Girl: I am 23

Me: Cause your clothing and face looks slightly mature, so I was guessing around 25

Girl: Oh okay haha

Me: What are you working? I saw you carrying a bag behind, seems super heavy.

Girl: Oh it's just a laptop.

Me: Wow your company provided you a laptop, must be good working at there.

Girl: Yeah the bag is mine

Me: They want you to carry your laptop back home?

Girl: I prefer carry back home, but you can leave it at office or carry it home, it's really up to you haha.

Me: So nice of you as a good employee, later your boss will text you and ask if you could work tonight or not.

Girl: Nonono hahaha

Me: Btw what are you working as?

Girl: I work at colgate

Me: Wow so you just invent all the toothpaste formula?

Girl: Ermm yeah you can say so, something like that haha

Me: No wonder I find nowadays the taste of colgate toothpaste is too ordinary, nothing special

Girl: hahaha

Me: You can invent something special tho

Girl: Ermm I can't really provide too much input on this haha

Me: Maybe add chocolate flavor or something

Girl: Maybe I will suggest that to the company hahaha

Me: Btw what's your department at the company?

Girl: Marketing. But yeah it's quite boring

Me: No wonder you look not that passionate when you mention about your job haha

Girl: No haha, there is nothing much I can tell you, it's quite straightforward

Me: I think a lot of guys work at that company I assume? Manufacturing stuff.

Girl: I think it's about half-half for guys and girls.

Me: Oh so girls also interesting in making toothpaste

Girl: Haha I mean we sell more than toothpaste haha

Me: Do you get approached by guys often?

Girl: I don't think I need to answer that haha, why should I tell you?

Me: Well, I am just curious

Girl: Just continue being curious then haha

Me: Oh okay haha (mistake here, I should have challenged the girl since she refuse to enter my frame. One way of challenging her is by saying: "Damn you make it sounds like some super secret stuff")

Me: So how do you usually meet guys? At office.

Girl: Anywhere I guess haha

Me: Anywhere? Really? But you look a bit shy tho

Girl: Ermm that's because I don't know you haha

Me: So when talking to strangers you just act shy?

Girl: Well, it's just normal, because I don't know you, you know, that uncertain and discomfort

Me: Well, we are not strangers anymore, we already talk for 2 or 3 minutes (another mistake, trying to explain myself)

Girl: Ah nono, we are still stranger

Me: 3 more minutes than we are no longer stranger haha. Btw are you single?

Girl: No I am not single

Me: Nice to meet you then


The entire conversation took about 4-5 minutes. I am not too sure if there is anything wrong with my conversation, and ways to improve it (such as topics selection ,teasing etc).

 

[Will_V]

The conversation jumps around too many topics with low investment from her. I would suggest slowing things down, asking more 'why' questions to get her talking, and drawing out the topics a bit more with less focus on details and more on emotions. Less interrogation and more bubble-building. Sounds like she never really managed to get over her nervousness and it resulted in her being a bit standoffish.

Look at the times that the conversation became personal to her:

1. You look mature (ambiguous)
2. You don't seem passionate (neg?)
3. You look shy (ambiguous)

There's not a whole lot for her to feel comfortable about, don't forget to tell her what you like about her, qualify her, etc. When she told you her job was boring, you could have asked her 'so what do you like to do when you're not working?' instead of trying to probe more into it with questions that didn't take the conversation anywhere useful. The best thing is always to have a girl telling you good things about herself, preferably what she wants to talk about most, which you have to find out and lead her to.

And remember questions create pressure, and pressure requires qualifying/validation to balance it out. For example, I approached a japanese girl the other day, she was an artist, and she wasn't holding up the conversation much (didn't speak a whole lot of english) although she was giving me a good amount of positive body language. So I told her 'I like how you don't say much but you're very expressive'. It landed well, because it called things out a little while giving her a genuine read and compliment. If I had just ploughed on things might have got awkward and one-sided, but I verbalized a frame that enabled us to continue and was congruent with me still wanting to be there.

PS always listen and re-calibrate, she called out your approach from behind at the start, obviously it was startling, and you responded with 'what are you doing right now?'. That just adds pressure and avoids her comment. A smile and 'hey didn't mean to startle you!' probably would have been helpful to release some tension.

You'll do better next time!

 

[vicknick]

Thanks for your quick response. A few questions I would like to ask:

1. How do you deal with girls who are a bit standoffish after you have direct opened her? I tried by asking questions such as 'Did I make you uncomfortable just now? I have no other intention, just want to get to know you' etc, but some girls are still a bit guarded and won't fully immersed into our conversation.

2. You mentioned that I need to ask more 'why' questions to get her talking. Will this kind of conversation be too 'friendly'? I tried a few times talking about topics related to her, but feel that the longer I talk, the more I feel the girl sees me as just a 'friend'.

 

[Will_V]

Thanks for your quick response. A few questions I would like to ask:

1. How do you deal with girls who are a bit standoffish after you have direct opened her? I tried by asking questions such as 'Did I make you uncomfortable just now? I have no other intention, just want to get to know you' etc, but some girls are still a bit guarded and won't fully immersed into our conversation.

First of all like I pointed out she called out the approach specifically for coming from behind. So that's what you need to address.
'Didn't mean to startle you!' [smile] is a good response, shows you understand.

Problem is that if you don't pay attention and pick up on the reason, and just bulldoze forward, it's hard to fix later because it's awkward to bring it up yourself. But in that case you can just be more cheery, smiling and nice until she relaxes and then proceed to introduce sexual tension etc.

2. You mentioned that I need to ask more 'why' questions to get her talking. Will this kind of conversation be too 'friendly'? I tried a few times talking about topics related to her, but feel that the longer I talk, the more I feel the girl sees me as just a 'friend'.

The idea is for her to talk, not you. 'Why' questions are about making her think, talk and invest in the conversation. Maybe you are not drawing out emotions with good comments, maybe you are not taking opportunities to tease and be playful, etc.

e.g. yesterday I was talking to a girl who told me she had just broken up with her boyfriend, anyway we were talking and I asked her what she liked to do for fun, and she says something about gym classes and I say 'yeah that's the best way to get over a breakup, do some squats' she laughed and asked me what I like to do so I said 'I like squats too' etc.

You have to just look for opportunities to spike her emotions and if possible sexualize, or if you can't sexualize at least get her talking about what kind of girl she is.

 

[lceman]

The idea is for her to talk, not you. 'Why' questions are about making her think, talk and invest in the conversation. Maybe you are not drawing out emotions with good comments, maybe you are not taking opportunities to tease and be playful, etc.

Where's the line between letting her talk and using verbals/telling stories? Or is it more like you need to steer the conversation to something conducive to your goals, then get her to talk about that subject? There have definitely been times where I've ended up listening to someone way longer than I should have...

 

[vicknick]

e.g. yesterday I was talking to a girl who told me she had just broken up with her boyfriend, anyway we were talking and I asked her what she liked to do for fun, and she says something about gym classes and I say 'yeah that's the best way to get over a breakup, do some squats' she laughed and asked me what I like to do so I said 'I like squats too' etc.

You have to just look for opportunities to spike her emotions and if possible sexualize, or if you can't sexualize at least get her talking about what kind of girl she is.

Whenever I tried to sexualize, girls usually will be a bit standoffish without entering my frame. For example, if we talked about yoga, I would say that girls who do yoga usually have a nice figure, especially their butt area. Girls will just laugh or smile but without providing further comment. I will then have to carry the conversation forward or just switch topics.

However, if I were to just ask why or talk about normal topics, in the end girls will see me as just a friend.