Long-Term Gf told me that she has masturbated with the though of a past lover

[whoami]

We have been dating for a year and our conversation just ended up on this topic, and she told me that she mostly masturbates to the thought of me/us but she has also masturbated to thoughts of someone she had slept with 5 months before we started dating. Theres been no contact with this person since they last saw each other. Someone she slept with just a few times. She said she masturbated to this person, same scenario, about 5 times after meeting me, but stopped a couple months ago because she felt it wasnt good to continue to do.

Our sex life is great and was never affected. Obviously no one likes hearing this, and I probably shouldnt have asked. Is there's significance to this? I'm thinking if in the beginning we just started dating, and shes masturbating to the same person, it means theres some lingering thing there, or some sort of lack. We have great sex, orgasms, very sub to me, and does everything i want. Am i overthinking?

@Chase @Will_V

 

[orkie123]

When I read the book my secret garden which details the sex fantasies of even the most 'innocent' type girls, I don't think her having those fantasies is neceasarily that bad.

If there were any other signs about her and her ex, I would question how deeply I want to get attached to someone given that would be a risk but from your post it doesnt seem like it.

The questions I would ask yourself is - do you prefer a girl who is willing to tell you or someone who would hide it.

Then there is the question of why she would tell you - is she being honest or testing your reaction.

My ex used to trickle truth things that she thought would hurt me similar to your scenario, but I didnt care about those things. But in the end - no matter how much I told her that her lies are bigger red flags then her actions, she continued to do it. When the trust was gone - everything went down a slippery slope.

My point being - dont punish her for being honest if there are no other signs and dont ask questions which you dont want the answer to. There is no good outcome of that question - if any girl told me she hasnt masturbated to anyone else while with me - I would not believe her having read said book above. And if she told me the truth, then its harder to blissfully ignore.

 

[whoami]

If there were any other signs about her and her ex, I would question how deeply I want to get attached to someone given that would be a risk but from your post it doesnt seem like it.

It wasnt an ex actually, just someone she slept with 3 times within a month. Very short fling

The questions I would ask yourself is - do you prefer a girl who is willing to tell you or someone who would hide it.

Then there is the question of why she would tell you - is she being honest or testing your reaction.

My point being - dont punish her for being honest if there are no other signs and dont ask questions which you dont want the answer to. There is no good outcome of that question - if any girl told me she hasnt masturbated to anyone else while with me - I would not believe her having read said book above. And if she told me the truth, then its harder to blissfully ignore.

Yeah not trying to punish her for telling me the truth. Just wondering if theres anything I should worry about or says about her.

 

[Skills]

When I read the book my secret garden which details the sex fantasies of even the most 'innocent' type girls, I don't think her having those fantasies is neceasarily that bad.

If there were any other signs about her and her ex, I would question how deeply I want to get attached to someone given that would be a risk but from your post it doesnt seem like it.

The questions I would ask yourself is - do you prefer a girl who is willing to tell you or someone who would hide it.

Then there is the question of why she would tell you - is she being honest or testing your reaction.

My ex used to trickle truth things that she thought would hurt me similar to your scenario, but I didnt care about those things. But in the end - no matter how much I told her that her lies are bigger red flags then her actions, she continued to do it. When the trust was gone - everything went down a slippery slope.

My point being - dont punish her for being honest if there are no other signs and dont ask questions which you dont want the answer to. There is no good outcome of that question - if any girl told me she hasnt masturbated to anyone else while with me - I would not believe her having read said book above. And if she told me the truth, then its harder to blissfully ignore.

Tell you and you want to reward this openness, no punish it...if she was scheming to be with that guy she would not tell you anyway...

 

[gameboy]

I had the same thought. It's really cool that she can be this honest with you.

 

[whoami]

Tell you and you want to reward this openness, no punish it...if she was scheming to be with that guy she would not tell you anyway...

You mean if i asked and she lied it would mean she was scheming? I think most girls would lie about this kind of thing to not hurt someones feelings. She said she told me bc we had a conversation about honesty a week ago and felt wrong to lie after we just talked about it

 

[gameboy]

You mean if i asked and she lied it would mean she was scheming?

That's not what he said. Read it again

 

[whoami]

That's not what he said. Read it again

Dont get it...she didnt voluntarily tell me this out of no where. I did ask her, and dug a bit to get the answer.

 

[Skills]

You mean if i asked and she lied it would mean she was scheming? I think most girls would lie about this kind of thing to not hurt someones feelings. She said she told me bc we had a conversation about honesty a week ago and felt wrong to lie after we just talked about it

I said is a positive thing, and you should not be worried or make her feel wrong about opening up and being honest... Most shady women wouldn't bring it up... You find out with shady ones when the ex is actually masturbating her...

 

[POB]

Dude, you should encourage it!
If she really opens up like this, it is because she trusts you 100% with her deepest sexuality.
And when they reach that point, it opens the doors for 3-somes and other kinky stuff if you know how to proceed.

 

[whoami]

Dude, you should encourage it!
If she really opens up like this, it is because she trusts you 100% with her deepest sexuality.
And when they reach that point, it opens the doors for 3-somes and other kinky stuff if you know how to proceed.

We plan to have a threesome already this month. I tried to keep it neutral, not letting my feelings get involved, but im sure some of it seeped through. I tried to frame it like, if you have lingering feelings for someone or maybe like you need a different type of relationship, you should go for that instead of being in this with me blah blah blah (our mutual goal is family with kids eventually) cause its not behavior thats headed towards that direction. So it probably came off like a punishment for her honesty