FU Fun but inconsequential activity date

[raiden]

This was another date with a dating app woman. I went to the same venue as I did here.

FU - The right intentions but another dud of a date

I had a date recently with a dating app girl. I was trying to follow Chase's recent article on a step by step seduction, which he wrote for me (thank you Chase!). Actually, there was a lot there, so I just told myself to nail the first 10 minutes and then get to the rapport stage at the very...

www.skilledseducer.com

This venue has crazy golf, snacks, drinks and arcade games. Anyway, she greeted me with a hug and I didn't do any hand clasp. She suggested that I show her around the venue because she had never been so I did that. She suggested that we play one of those toy grabbing machines, so I got some change and we played. No prizes. Some other patrons also approached her to ask for her to photograph their group. She told them that I could do it and handed me the camera, and I did. All of this happened pretty fast, but, reading it now, it seems like I went from leading to not leading very quickly.

I then suggested that we sit down and chat for a bit before golf and we did. We sat at right angles, which I think is the best way to sit with anybody, dates or friends. Some points from this part of the date
-She's confident and likes teasing, and poking fun at things.
-I asked her to take off her glasses and teased her about how she looked. I also teased when she asked what I'd do if the two of us were getting robbed. She loved both teases and slapped me on the arm for them.
-She's into fashion and I asked if she'd try to give me a fashion overhaul. I didn't phrase the question well and it's probably a bad question but she said that she'd do it if I pay her in the form of planning out and taking her on another date. So that was very good to hear and means that I was still alive (not yet rejected) here 45-60 minutes in.
-I somehow came up with some really good jokes to get her laughing and found out a lot about her e.g. her family, relationship with her friends, a little about her past dates too. I was pleased because she was laughing a lot as well as talking about herself.
-Around 80 minutes in, the conversation was losing momentum so I suggested we go play golf. But part of me was thinking that I'd like to go out on a high and end the date right then if I could.

The activity
-We went around the crazy golf course and she cheated and joked around with her score. I did that a little but then started going with fair play and counting my points properly.
-We finally finished playing and it was time to go home. The date had been running around 140 minutes at this point and it was dragging, in my view.
-she wasn't familiar with the area so I walked with her to the parking lot where she had parked. She was actually unsure where she was parked and she thought it was silly while I took it a little seriously that she might have lost her car. I don't think that she liked that.
-On the way to the parking lot, we passed a dessert place and she asked what kind of dessert or junk foods I eat. I told her that I'm strict with my diet and only eat nonconpliant foods once or twice per week. She didn't seem to like this either.
-Finally she knew where the parking lot was and we said our goodbye. She gave a light hug goodbye and I told her that I had fun. She told me that she'd send me a text when she reached her car so that I would know.

Now, I seem to have some messages telling me that she had a good time but doesn't think that we're a good fit. I'll give more details of that later but it's not a surprise.

Questions :
1. The first 90 or so minutes of this date were mostly good but then the momentum went. The first 90 minutes of my previous date was also good. Even if I seeded the pull properly and had the logistics, I don't think that I could pull with just 90 minutes of face time. Is the solution to get out of there after 90 minutes or do I need more material and stamina?

2. The woman here didn't seem to like the fact that I am strict on my diet and avoid the treats most of the time, ostensibly because she enjoys them. But the previous woman on a date liked this about me! So how do I deal with this and make sure that I never disqualify myself?

3. Out of the last 4 dates, 3 of the women seemed very comfortable being touchy with me. Is this helpful at all or does it mean anything useful for me? I don't think that the touchier women have more readily said yes to a second date, so maybe these are just touchy communicators rather than women who are in awe of my fundamentals.

 

[Adventurer]

Seems pretty good to me ! Too bad she didn't want a second date.

How far were you from your place ? You should always try to pull if you're within walking distance

 

[raiden]

Seems pretty good to me ! Too bad she didn't want a second date.

How far were you from your place ? You should always try to pull if you're within walking distance

It's a bad date if I didn't get a second date or pull back. We must judge by results not reactions.

The place is a bus ride away but it wouldn't have worked, I think. At the end of the crazy golf we were tired out after around 2 hours 20 minutes of date time. The momentum had gone. Also see question 1. I don't think that I can realistically pull off first date pulls with my fundamentals and the way that my dates flow.

 

[StrayDog]

This was another date with a dating app woman. I went to the same venue as I did here.

FU - The right intentions but another dud of a date

I had a date recently with a dating app girl. I was trying to follow Chase's recent article on a step by step seduction, which he wrote for me (thank you Chase!). Actually, there was a lot there, so I just told myself to nail the first 10 minutes and then get to the rapport stage at the very...

www.skilledseducer.com

This venue has crazy golf, snacks, drinks and arcade games. Anyway, she greeted me with a hug and I didn't do any hand clasp.

She takes the lead by offering a hug. Not necessarily a bad thing, but you are still starting out behind the frame. She probably did the hug thing because you failed to come in with a leading direction and energy from the jump.

She suggested that I show her around the venue because she had never been so I did that. She suggested that we play one of those toy grabbing machines, so I got some change and we played. No prizes. Some other patrons also approached her to ask for her to photograph their group. She told them that I could do it and handed me the camera, and I did. All of this happened pretty fast, but, reading it now, it seems like I went from leading to not leading very quickly.

I doesn't sound like you were ever leading. She initiated the first gesture of contact (a hug). She suggested you show her around the venue. She suggested you play the toy machine. She then volunteered you to take a picture for some strangers. Sounds to me like her volunteering you was a perfectly natural progression of dynamics from the precedent that had been set from the beginning.

Also, I am curious what all you talked about during this whole first part of the date. What tone did it set? What frames were taking place?

I then suggested that we sit down and chat for a bit before golf and we did. We sat at right angles, which I think is the best way to sit with anybody, dates or friends.

Okay, the date so far doesn't have the most solid precedent but you two are getting along and you decide to move things. To get more into things together. For the first time taking the lead. Good move.

Some points from this part of the date
-She's confident and likes teasing, and poking fun at things.
-I asked her to take off her glasses and teased her about how she looked. I also teased when she asked what I'd do if the two of us were getting robbed. She loved both teases and slapped me on the arm for them.

What exactly did you say when you teased her? I am curious because sometimes appearances are deceiving. She could be laughing externally, but also losing attraction. Just cause she found something "funny" doesn't mean that it helps in your seductive purposes.

I say this because teasing is a double edged sword and a missplaced/ misscalibrated tease can sometimes be all it takes to lose steam.

So, what exactly did you say when you teased her?

It may have been perfectly fine and helpful, but I am just trying to go over this with a fine tooth comb to see where exactly you are losing these women.

-She's into fashion and I asked if she'd try to give me a fashion overhaul. I didn't phrase the question well and it's probably a bad question but she said that she'd do it if I pay her in the form of planning out and taking her on another date. So that was very good to hear and means that I was still alive (not yet rejected) here 45-60 minutes in.

Terrible frame here. I have asked women fashion advice before, but it is under a much different frame, where I am approaching her as a confidant in the matter. Your frame here basically opens you up to her criticism. It implies that your own personal fashion choices are dubious and in need of her to shape you in a way that she sees fit. You don't want to open yourself to such scrutiny like this. Even if your fashion choices aren't your strong suite. You dress in something you know is at least somewhat reliable, and you wear it with confidence. You don't ask your date to give you a make over. It implys that you view your self as somewhat clueless on the matter.

Her saying she will do it for the payment of you planning another date. While this seems decent on the surface because she is saying she wants to get together again, it also has the same poor framing. For one it implies that the date you currently on is not headed anywhere fast. Your in the middle of the first date and you're talking about the next one? Also it implys that you are the one chasing her services. You have to pay her, and on her terms none the less. She didn't say "maybe, what do I get in return?" or something like that. She said "okay but you have to do this for me". It is very telling of how she views the dynamic thus far

-I somehow came up with some really good jokes to get her laughing and found out a lot about her e.g. her family, relationship with her friends, a little about her past dates too. I was pleased because she was laughing a lot as well as talking about herself.

Okay sounds like there is a fun playful energy here. Though not necessarily romantic in nature. These are decent conversations to have, but they are also very safe subjects that, unless balanced with some tension and more juicy subjects, can very easily lead things into a platonic vibe. Lots of laughing, friendly subject matter, no tension. Friend zone.

-Around 80 minutes in, the conversation was losing momentum so I suggested we go play golf. But part of me was thinking that I'd like to go out on a high and end the date right then if I could.

So this speaks to your general lack of game plan, momentum. You are already 80 minutes in and you haven't even engaged in the activity you invited her out for. You could have been running the entire conversation you had during the golf (activity dates in general are not the best, due to logistics but I know you are trying to have more fun on these dates so I get why you are doing it)

If you are doing a simple meet and greet date where you leave on a high note you want to keep those brief. like 20-30 minutes. Then leave on a high note and let there be some mystery and room for wanting. You wouldn't do a meet and greet date and have it last 80 minutes, as you risk losing a lot of steam by drawing the date out and not having it go anywhere. Also you wouldn't really do a meet and greet here since you invited her out to an activity date. You gotta follow through with it.

In general your pacing is terrible. You basically let things drag out as long as possible and don't capitalize on momentum. You tend to be passive and let the women take the lead on many beats, rather than getting infront of things and moving things yourself.

Also your framing tends to be off, and you keep painting your self in an undesirable light.

A little bit of this here and there is okay and you can always recover and reshape things as you move along, but this is a perfect example of death by a thousand cuts. Where it all adds up.

The activity
-We went around the crazy golf course and she cheated and joked around with her score. I did that a little but then started going with fair play and counting my points properly.

Dude, this where you have to start upping the stakes, using more Kino. Taking control, getting her to comply with small requests. Bust her chops when she is cheating. You have already built comfort with the first 80 minutes of this date. Time to change gears.

Instead you just play it safe and have a regular old game of put put golf. As if that is what you two are there to do...

-We finally finished playing and it was time to go home. The date had been running around 140 minutes at this point and it was dragging, in my view.

Uh yeah. Definitely way too long for a first date that is going nowhere. Sure the first part dragged on but you still could have salvaged something here but upping the ante in that last part.

Your pacing is off. You are basically asking for these dates to lose steam.

-she wasn't familiar with the area so I walked with her to the parking lot where she had parked. She was actually unsure where she was parked and she thought it was silly while I took it a little seriously that she might have lost her car. I don't think that she liked that.

Again, more opportunity to build tension and chemistry and make the moment fun and playful, and instead you get all serious about things.

-On the way to the parking lot, we passed a dessert place and she asked what kind of dessert or junk foods I eat. I told her that I'm strict with my diet and only eat nonconpliant foods once or twice per week. She didn't seem to like this either.

No it's not that you are on diet, its that she doesn't like how the date has gone. She has lost interest in you at this point because things didn't really go anywhere and now she doesn't really care about these small things in your life like your diet. She is just over it.

-Finally she knew where the parking lot was and we said our goodbye. She gave a light hug goodbye and I told her that I had fun. She told me that she'd send me a text when she reached her car so that I would know.

Her light hug is exactly an indication of all that. "well it was fun I guess, but this date didn't really go any where"

Now, I seem to have some messages telling me that she had a good time but doesn't think that we're a good fit. I'll give more details of that later but it's not a surprise.

Questions :
1. The first 90 or so minutes of this date were mostly good but then the momentum went. The first 90 minutes of my previous date was also good. Even if I seeded the pull properly and had the logistics, I don't think that I could pull with just 90 minutes of face time. Is the solution to get out of there after 90 minutes or do I need more material and stamina?

You need to get infront if the frame, stop being so passive, lead things forward your self instead of making her to most of the work in that regard, capitalize on momentum and give your dates a sense of direction.

Aside from the poor frames you bring to the table, you are basically dragging these dates out until there is just no steam left in them. And then you wonder why these women only want to be your friend?

2. The woman here didn't seem to like the fact that I am strict on my diet and avoid the treats most of the time, ostensibly because she enjoys them. But the previous woman on a date liked this about me! So how do I deal with this and make sure that I never disqualify myself?

3. Out of the last 4 dates, 3 of the women seemed very comfortable being touchy with me. Is this helpful at all or does it mean anything useful for me? I don't think that the touchier women have more readily said yes to a second date, so maybe these are just touchy communicators rather than women who are in awe of my fundamentals.

Yes it is helpful, but only if you know what to do with it. Use their touchy behavior to your advantage and actually lead these dates somewhere.

 

[Skills]

Raiden like i told you in the other post props to you for taking action and everytime you fall getting up but is obvious you need to work on your mindset (is horrible).... again read the book psycho cybernetics by maxwell couple of times to be honest or audiobook...

Also try to learn how to properly date (try not too freestyle yet, try in each date at least one suggestion and move to the next):

Date Plans - The complete guide on How to date - Dating dynamics 101

Why listen to me on this, well i was never good at dating, i would either do ons or long texting (second gen/grandmaster) setting up sexual encounters or i would replicate what happened in the club a second time by doing a club date (since I am the highest value guy in the dance floor made...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[raiden]

She takes the lead by offering a hug. Not necessarily a bad thing, but you are still starting out behind the frame. She probably did the hug thing because you failed to come in with a leading direction and energy from the jump.

I doesn't sound like you were ever leading. She initiated the first gesture of contact (a hug). She suggested you show her around the venue. She suggested you play the toy machine. She then volunteered you to take a picture for some strangers. Sounds to me like her volunteering you was a perfectly natural progression of dynamics from the precedent that had been set from the beginning.

Also, I am curious what all you talked about during this whole first part of the date. What tone did it set? What frames were taking place?

Okay, the date so far doesn't have the most solid precedent but you two are getting along and you decide to move things. To get more into things together. For the first time taking the lead. Good move.

Frames are beyond the scope of my knowledge at the moment. But it was usual chitchat like "how was your day". All of this stuff, with me being volunteered for the photo and everything, happened in around 5 minutes and it was so fast. It felt like I had to turn it around by asking her to sit down somewhere to talk.

What exactly did you say when you teased her? I am curious because sometimes appearances are deceiving. She could be laughing externally, but also losing attraction. Just cause she found something "funny" doesn't mean that it helps in your seductive purposes.

I say this because teasing is a double edged sword and a missplaced/ misscalibrated tease can sometimes be all it takes to lose steam.

So, what exactly did you say when you teased her?

It may have been perfectly fine and helpful, but I am just trying to go over this with a fine tooth comb to see where exactly you are losing these women.

Here are two teases that I remember.
1. She told me that she gets told that she looks younger than her actual age. I said that it could be her glasses and told her to take off her glasses so that I could see what she looks like. She said "I just look tired without the glasses don't I?". I teased her by saying that she does look tired, and a little less young without the glasses. She seemed to enjoy the tease. This was influenced by one of Chase's articles on how to be a good asshole and handling fishing for compliments. It's this article number 3.

How to Be an Asshole – and Become Adored by Women

If you've paid much attention to the men that women gravitate towards, they're pretty much all assholes. Yeah, sure... deep down, they may actually be good guys. "An asshole with a heart of gold", for instance. But, they're still assholes. If you yourself are not an asshole though, adopting some...

www.girlschase.com

2. She said that the venue was very close to where I live and that I must be worried about running into somebody I know and having to come up with an explanation of what I'm doing and who she is. I told her, as a tease, that, if that came up, I would just say that she was my side girlfriend. She seemed to enjoy that tease and hit me on the arm but then asked a bit more sincerely if I was actually single and then I said sincerely that I am and explained the joke. Explaining the joke is lame but is the rest of it ok? I could have pushed harder on the tease by saying "you'll find out " when she asked if I was single but it seems that this would be going too close to disqualifying myself or killing my attainability.

So this speaks to your general lack of game plan, momentum. You are already 80 minutes in and you haven't even engaged in the activity you invited her out for. You could have been running the entire conversation you had during the golf (activity dates in general are not the best, due to logistics but I know you are trying to have more fun on these dates so I get why you are doing it)

The reason why I did this is because the last time I went to this venue on this date

FU - The right intentions but another dud of a date

I had a date recently with a dating app girl. I was trying to follow Chase's recent article on a step by step seduction, which he wrote for me (thank you Chase!). Actually, there was a lot there, so I just told myself to nail the first 10 minutes and then get to the rapport stage at the very...

www.skilledseducer.com

we played the golf and there was the feeling that we had to talk a little bit to get to know each other better after the golf. I mean that there was a golf playing phase of around 45 minutes followed by a talking phase of around another 45 minutes. I felt that this date would have to have a talking phase anyway so I thought to put it there at the start. Does this indicate that the date plan is just a dud?

If you are doing a simple meet and greet date where you leave on a high note you want to keep those brief. like 20-30 minutes. Then leave on a high note and let there be some mystery and room for wanting. You wouldn't do a meet and greet date and have it last 80 minutes, as you risk losing a lot of steam by drawing the date out and not having it go anywhere. Also you wouldn't really do a meet and greet here since you invited her out to an activity date. You gotta follow through with it.

Can you really have a girl dress up, set her makeup etc. to meet you and end the thing after 30 minutes? Could this type of date be good for me? How would I suggest it? I seem to want to have many dates before the seduction and start stronger than I finish (though I don't start strongly by any means). So something like 3 30 minutes dates followed by a 2-3 hours structured date might be a better approach. What do you think?

Aside from the poor frames you bring to the table, you are basically dragging these dates out until there is just no steam left in them. And then you wonder why these women only want to be your friend?

I don't disagree with any of this but I just want to clarify that the women are complimentary of me if they send a rejection text, but almost none of them want to be my friend.

 

[Surveyor]

This was another date with a dating app woman. I went to the same venue as I did here.

FU - The right intentions but another dud of a date

I had a date recently with a dating app girl. I was trying to follow Chase's recent article on a step by step seduction, which he wrote for me (thank you Chase!). Actually, there was a lot there, so I just told myself to nail the first 10 minutes and then get to the rapport stage at the very...

www.skilledseducer.com

This venue has crazy golf, snacks, drinks and arcade games. Anyway, she greeted me with a hug and I didn't do any hand clasp. She suggested that I show her around the venue because she had never been so I did that. She suggested that we play one of those toy grabbing machines, so I got some change and we played. No prizes. Some other patrons also approached her to ask for her to photograph their group. She told them that I could do it and handed me the camera, and I did. All of this happened pretty fast, but, reading it now, it seems like I went from leading to not leading very quickly.

I then suggested that we sit down and chat for a bit before golf and we did. We sat at right angles, which I think is the best way to sit with anybody, dates or friends. Some points from this part of the date
-She's confident and likes teasing, and poking fun at things.
-I asked her to take off her glasses and teased her about how she looked. I also teased when she asked what I'd do if the two of us were getting robbed. She loved both teases and slapped me on the arm for them.
-She's into fashion and I asked if she'd try to give me a fashion overhaul. I didn't phrase the question well and it's probably a bad question but she said that she'd do it if I pay her in the form of planning out and taking her on another date. So that was very good to hear and means that I was still alive (not yet rejected) here 45-60 minutes in.
-I somehow came up with some really good jokes to get her laughing and found out a lot about her e.g. her family, relationship with her friends, a little about her past dates too. I was pleased because she was laughing a lot as well as talking about herself.
-Around 80 minutes in, the conversation was losing momentum so I suggested we go play golf. But part of me was thinking that I'd like to go out on a high and end the date right then if I could.

The activity
-We went around the crazy golf course and she cheated and joked around with her score. I did that a little but then started going with fair play and counting my points properly.
-We finally finished playing and it was time to go home. The date had been running around 140 minutes at this point and it was dragging, in my view.
-she wasn't familiar with the area so I walked with her to the parking lot where she had parked. She was actually unsure where she was parked and she thought it was silly while I took it a little seriously that she might have lost her car. I don't think that she liked that.
-On the way to the parking lot, we passed a dessert place and she asked what kind of dessert or junk foods I eat. I told her that I'm strict with my diet and only eat nonconpliant foods once or twice per week. She didn't seem to like this either.
-Finally she knew where the parking lot was and we said our goodbye. She gave a light hug goodbye and I told her that I had fun. She told me that she'd send me a text when she reached her car so that I would know.

Now, I seem to have some messages telling me that she had a good time but doesn't think that we're a good fit. I'll give more details of that later but it's not a surprise.

Questions :
1. The first 90 or so minutes of this date were mostly good but then the momentum went. The first 90 minutes of my previous date was also good. Even if I seeded the pull properly and had the logistics, I don't think that I could pull with just 90 minutes of face time. Is the solution to get out of there after 90 minutes or do I need more material and stamina?

2. The woman here didn't seem to like the fact that I am strict on my diet and avoid the treats most of the time, ostensibly because she enjoys them. But the previous woman on a date liked this about me! So how do I deal with this and make sure that I never disqualify myself?

3. Out of the last 4 dates, 3 of the women seemed very comfortable being touchy with me. Is this helpful at all or does it mean anything useful for me? I don't think that the touchier women have more readily said yes to a second date, so maybe these are just touchy communicators rather than women who are in awe of my fundamentals.

Raiden, can you expand on why you mainly meet women on apps?

If you’ve already answered this question feel free to just link

Kudos for continuing to take action

However if I were you I’d change things up a bit to get breadth of experience.

Also how often do you talk to strangers without sexual/romantic intentions?

 

[raiden]

Raiden, can you expand on why you mainly meet women on apps?

If you’ve already answered this question feel free to just link

Kudos for continuing to take action

However if I were you I’d change things up a bit to get breadth of experience.

Also how often do you talk to strangers without sexual/romantic intentions?

My first coach suggested that I stick to apps because I had a polished profile and (according to him) desirable qualities that he wanted to market such as intelligence, success etc. Note that my ideal woman would probably be a bit nerdy. My first coach said that daygame would be a steep learning curve and that it'd prolong the process for me.

My second coach was less rigid and we went out approaching two or three times. The coach told me that my opening and conversation are fine but sometimes I let the interaction drag too long. I took two phone numbers. One woman said over text that she felt uncomfortable and didn't want to keep chatting. The other woman seemed responsive to my messages but left town, and seems to be moving cities frequently. Those were park approaches in the summer. I haven't had success in bars, shopping malls or streets. My friends who have success with cold approach almost always only respond to approach invitations now. I don't get many AIs, or at least I don't notice them (I made a whole thread about this and Chase wrote an article convincing me that I just don't notice them). But even if I get the AIs, I don't get enough or else my second coach would have noticed more at least. That's why I'm down over my fundamentals because things could be easier if I had better fundamentals and got more AIs for it.

I haven't gone out on an approach session since breaking with my coach around 4 months ago. Note that I don't work with coaches anymore because I wasn't getting any value from it that I could see. I hardly ever talk to strangers who aren't 'hired guns'.

 

[Surveyor]

My first coach

Is it ok if you identify him? Was it someone here, or some rando selling coachibg?

suggested that I stick to apps because I had a polished profile and (according to him) desirable qualities

I mean, the fact you’re getting dates is an achievement. But you need to figure out where you’re going wrong after that.
I haven’t read all your stuff but my hunch is they feel let down

that he wanted to market such as intelligence,

That *he* wanted to market

success

Expand on that

etc. Note that my ideal woman would probably be a bit nerdy.

Define ur terms. Both of them.

My first coach said that daygame would be a steep learning curve and that it'd prolong the process for me.

No reason you can’t cross game.
And the fact is it’s a steep learning curve results wise, but the returns on improvement are immediate.

My second coach was less rigid and we went out approaching two or three times. The coach told me that my opening and conversation are fine but sometimes I let the interaction drag too long. I took two phone numbers. One woman said over text that she felt uncomfortable and didn't want to keep chatting.

Why’s that?

My friends who have success with cold approach almost always only respond to approach invitations now.

Pua friends?

I don't get many AIs, or at least I don't notice them (I made a whole thread about this and Chase wrote an article convincing me that I just don't notice them).
But even if I get the AIs, I don't get enough or else my second coach would have noticed more at least.

That can be improved in a matter of weeks. Eventually you’ll get enough blatant ones that you’ll have what to work with.

That's why I'm down over my fundamentals because things could be easier if I had better fundamentals and got more AIs for it.

Then focus on that! Posture, clothes, awareness…none of these require girls to comply in order to improve. If you work on these consistently you will see some sort of changes within a month.

I haven't gone out on an approach session since breaking with my coach around 4 months ago. Note that I don't work with coaches anymore because I wasn't getting any value from it that I could see.

The average coach is as expensive as aescort so I don’t blame u

I hardly ever talk to strangers who aren't 'hired guns'.

That’s not optimal. Just focus on being social day to day. If you live in suburban hell, try borrowing a friend’s dog and walk it. Stop worrying about getting laid and cultivate a new and improved persona that’s more approachable and see how it goes.

Finally…if I were you I’d start a journal focusing solely on lessons learned. Try to add something new at least once a week.

Good luck

 

[raiden]

Is it ok if you identify him? Was it someone here, or some rando selling coachibg?

He was just a coach in my town. He's not GC associated and he doesn't post on here.

Expand on that

Coach 1 wanted to try to market me as an educated career guy. I was always skeptical because my experience suggests that educated can be attractive but career guy is very unattractive.

Define ur terms. Both of them.

Personality wise only (ignoring physicals), I'd ideally like to date a woman who is studious or likes to read and study, likes the arts or literature or science. Consider a woman who writes poetry or paints or likes to go to art galleries and classical music performances.

No reason you can’t cross game.
And the fact is it’s a steep learning curve results wise, but the returns on improvement are immediate.

If I get successful at day game won't I just get more dates and then screw them up again?

Why’s that?

I don't know why but she sent me a message saying that she's uncomfortable. All I sent to her was a basic icebreaker that it was nice to run into her and asking her how [whatever she mentioned she was doing later] went. The coach said that my approach was solid and that she was enjoying the interaction. It was an approach with her sitting down on the grass and me opening and getting myself seated on the grass too and my coach said that I pulled it off well. She was, I believe, a recent college graduate and from another, more conservative country, and new to Europe.

Pua friends?

Yes. I have one or two friends who have dabbled in day and night game. They're not high volume approachers though and are more relationship guys. E.g. one guy found his girlfriend from daygame and is perfectly happy with her, not seeing any reason to approach any more.

That can be improved in a matter of weeks. Eventually you’ll get enough blatant ones that you’ll have what to work with.

Then focus on that! Posture, clothes, awareness…none of these require girls to comply in order to improve. If you work on these consistently you will see some sort of changes within a month.

This seems laughable to me. Any fool can improve his posture through 5-10 minutes of daily mobility exercises. For me, that is bolstered by my fitness training. Any fool can buy fashionable clothes by copying models or social media people and making sure that the clothes fit. My clothing was vetted by either my coaches or PUA friend. Yet, any fool does not get blatant AIs.

That’s not optimal. Just focus on being social day to day. If you live in suburban hell, try borrowing a friend’s dog and walk it. Stop worrying about getting laid and cultivate a new and improved persona that’s more approachable and see how it goes.

Finally…if I were you I’d start a journal focusing solely on lessons learned. Try to add something new at least once a week.

Good luck

I live in a busy city and it seems like everybody is in too much of a hurry to make small talk, and it isn't commonly done. That's why, here, the direct opener is favored because it expresses clearly the reason for the interaction.

I've learned no lessons except that
-no matter how excited a girl is for a date, you can always screw it up
-it's better to have a girl not excited for a date, but just excited enough not to flake, so that she has lower expectations of you
-natural fundamentals trumps everything for getting AIs
I'm sure that many of these are wrong or too extreme, but I'd need to get some successes to refine them.