FR Field Report With Her Friend Group

[Developing_Man]

So this was the second time in 2 years I interacted with a girl's friend group and it's something I have not exactly studied.
We went to an escape room which was one of the 3 options I gave her.
We first met at a bar and they were vibing, one thing I suck is is paying attention when there is a large group of people that I don't know,
it gives me a little social anxiety and I am not used to dynamic, so certain conversational topics fly over my head, so sometimes I feel and seem disengaged.
And honestly that was the interaction thoughtout the escape room experience. On top of that in the escape room, I contributed the least to the progress of the room.
I did a bad job finding clues or understanding what they mean. I am not exactly the most present person, I am very much in my head alot, something I am working on but if soemone has tips that would be awesone.
So i didnt' vibe well and she picked up on that. So I guess I need some pointers to improve for next time.
Also in general I do struggle when meeting new social groups. When I go to house parties with friends I don't know, I am not very socially fluid, I can strike a conversation with some people but not everyone in comparison to some of the guys I see. For example I saw this exec producer and they way he engaged everyone was so finessed. So far in my 2 years of moving to downtown toronto and trying to build up my social skills, I find if I have a framework for a social scenario, I will succeed.

 

[Jan]

I would recommend working on your inner game.

You go out and socialize which is great. However, you can't be fully present in the interactions because as you said 'you are in your head'. This is because you have some inner game issues which are holding you back.

I recommend that AFTER you are back home from the field, go to your room, lie on bed and LISTEN TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. Go back in memory to these events and see what your mind and body is telling.

Make notes of these thoughts and feelings. This is your material to work in the area of inner game.

You can also discuss these with your friends or a psychoterapist.

 

[Developing_Man]

Funny you should say that. 2021 was very traumatic for me and 2023 I got a trauma specialist that helped me alot.
One of the things we found was that I did have dissociation disorder because I was disconneted from my identity.
in late 2023 we focus on reconstructing my identity and it's crazy like how much of myself I disowned so to speak.

As I reclaim my identity one of the is my sexual identity... sometimes I own it and sometimes I don't. When I go into an interaction,
with my sexual identity on point... progressing the interaction is easy... I think due to child hood conditioing in the past, I learned to repress my sexual identity, and I have been learning to let it free and let my sexual vibe come out.

So has anyone else had that experienced where like most of their issue was actually just learning to let their sexual vibe come out and owning it as oppose to repressing it.

 

[funkyjam]

Show genuine in other people. Ask them about their interests and what they do. Leverage current events/the calendar for ideas to make small talk - e.g. Happy New Year. A holiday weekend is coming up - doing any traveling? Escape room - have you done one of these before? Write down conversation starters on your phone. Make a list of people you've met and will likely see again and have those ready to ask when you see them.