E's Journal

[determined]

Haha, good thing I did start posting until after I had a few approaches under my belt. My true first ones made ME cringe. Like, my sentences coming out of my mouth in the wrong order cringe.

I think a big reason why most people don't reach their true potential socially is that failure has consequences. In all other pursuits we're expected to try and fail until we succeed, but with social skills if we mess up we lose status. So we play it safe and don't try. Cold approach finally provided me an opportunity to fail in a way that it wouldn't get back to me.

And yeah, the kernel of me is still the same person so I haven't really changed on the inside, but I feel more free, and as a result I've changed greatly from the outside.

 

[determined]

Thursday, October 17, 2013

I spent part of this afternoon in the park and while there I spotted a cute Brazilian girl. So I went over and we talked, her laying on her back and me on my side facing her. She's visiting her sister and complained of boredom. When she asked me to recommend something fun to do around here, I said, "I can think of one thing," and went in for the kiss. She turned away, laughing.

her: You're fast. Like the Brazilian boys. (Damn right I am)
me: And that's why you came here? To get away from that?
her: I'm not saying that.
me: So you like it.
her: Sometimes.
me: When it's the right boy.

Asked her out soon after - agreed that she'd come over Saturday to cook together, then we just stared at each other and I knew she was ready this time. Kiss. Later on she told me to stop looking at her that way because I was embarrassing her. Good . She had to pick up her nephew so we kissed again and split up.

However, since she didn't know her phone number I gave her mine,and she still hasn't texted me. Hope she comes through.

Then, only 30 minutes ago, as I was approaching my building I passed a girl and we smiled at each other. So I turned around and caught her, and she seemed more into me than any girl I've ever met. Meeting up tomorrow night. Gave her my number again, and she texted me soon after.

If all my girls come through I will have 3 dates in the next 3 days. Amazing.

 

[determined]

Had 0 dates this weekend. Can anyone give me some insight as to what I should do differently? I wrote about the first two girls in the previous post; girl #1 never texted me. Girl #2 texted me so I had her number and I soon responded with "Have a good night Alli ." Then when I texted her the next day to ask if we were still on and tell her to meet me at Union Square, no response. My description of our interaction was very short in the previous post, so here's more:

We passed each other and smiled, so I turned around and caught her,

me: I didn't want to let you get away without telling you that you're incredibly cute.
her: Thanks.
Introduced myself, then leaned against a building with her standing. Some deep diving, maybe 5 minutes, with some accurate cold reading and qualifying. She told me early on that she was on her way to meet some friends at a cafe.[\i]
me: You probably need to get going? Do you want to meet up some other time?
her: Yeah, sure, let me get your number. (hard to describe the tone here; it was very eager. Not excited or bubbly, but more a quiet eagerness)
me: When are you free?
her: I'll probably hit you up this weekend.
me: How's tomorrow?
her: Sure.
me: I free up around 10.
her: Perfect, that's when I free up.
me: Sounds good. Bye, Alli.

Maybe I read things wrong, but I thought she was SO into me. And like I said, she texted me soon after with her name.

Girl #3 maybe isn't a lost cause and may have actually wanted to see me, which is weird because out of these 4 girls she seemed the least into me when we met 3 weeks ago. Interaction almost died, but I persisted and got the number. Once I started texting her she acted more excited about me. She lives in the East Bay, but BART went on strike this weekend so she couldn't make it. Will try again in a week or 2.

Girl #4 I met Saturday. Saw her sitting at a cafe by herself, so approached. Sat with her, lots of accurate cold reading (I'm getting pretty good at that), deep diving, and qualifying. Very cute blond, type A, talked really fast. She was waiting for an order of fries, and when they came out she offered some to me. We went together to sit at a park across the street. There I went for the kiss, but she didn't reciprocate. She didn't turn away, but leaned back. She said, "Sorry, I'm shy." She had to go get her number for a marathon the following day, so I invited her to come over and cook with me after the race. She agreed. I gave her my number and she called me on the spot so I had hers. Here's our texting:

me 1910: Hey Katherine, forgot when we agreed to meet tomorrow so just call when you're ready.
--next day
her 1220: Hey! My best friend hurt her knee running the race so I'm taking her to the MD now . I'm sorry!!
me 1231: Hey no worries!
Here I'd normally wait at least a week before re-initiating, but she's only in town until Thursday, so I had no choice
--next day
me 1017:; Hey Katherine, hope your day ended on a better note than it started . Still want to see each other again before you leave?
her 1257: Hey-- thank you! It did I don't think that I am going to have time with my school visits and things but it was so nice to meet you! Enjoy your time in SF
me 1313: Katherine, we hit it off and I know you felt it, too. If I'm wrong, which I doubt, then carry on and enjoy a wonderful life. Tuesday or Wednesday night - pick one.
her 1314: I have plans both night- I'm sorry!

After months at this I still haven't slept with a girl off a cold approach. I'm so damn close; I can approach, get a number, get a date, get a girl alone, and escalate like a man. I just need to complete these steps one after the other with the same girl. Got 8 other numbers this weekend and need to figure out what I'm doing wrong so I can get these girls out. Any suggestions? Thanks!

 

[determined]

2 dates this weekend:

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Saw an attractive girl walking down the street in the afternoon, approached her. She was from DC, here for a conference and leaving the next day. She still wanted to do some shopping, but accepted my invitation to grab a drink that night.

I met her at a lounge a block from my place. Grabbed drinks and sat in the corner. I led, but never stood a chance with her. She was 29, and in her eyes I was charming and adorable, but not sexy. She sat down across the table from me so I couldn't escalate physically - what do I do when a girl sits across from me? So we talked and both had fun, but there was no tension, though I tried my best with pauses and eye contact.

Once we downed our drinks I suggested we grab a nightcap and call it night, "it's too loud in here anyway." She agreed, and I led her towards my place. Now I finally got the chance to put my hand on her. We arrived at the door to my building, but as soon as she realized where we were she said she couldn't go in because we're just getting to know each other. Persisted some, but I knew it was a lost cause so I gave up pretty easily and hailed her a cab.

Maybe, rather than take her straight to my place, a better idea would have been to first take her to another bar where I could escalate physically.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Cute, bubbly little Japanese girl, whom I met a week ago. We sat at Union Square; lots of touching on my part. Lots. There was somewhat of a language barrier and she acted pretty Japanese, which made it harder for me to read what she was thinking, but she was smiling and laughing shyly most of the time, accepted all of my kino, and followed my lead.

She said she wanted something to drink, so I asked,

me: Like tea, or wine?
her: Tea, I'm not 21. (I knew she was under 21, I was baiting her)
me: Actually, I have some wine, and I'll give you a sip if you promise not to get me in trouble.
her: Let's go to Starbucks? (I knew it was too soon to invite her to my place, but I tried anyways)

So we went to Starbucks, got our drinks, then returned to sit at Union Square. I had her give me a sip of her drink and stand up and twirl for me. Still a good amount of touch. It was cold so after a while (about 30 minutes into our date) I suggested we go listen to some music. She asked where, but I just got up and led without answering the question and changed the subject once we started walking.

She soon asked again where we were going so I answered, "my place." She said she didn't want to go to my place, and why don't we go inside a warm restaurant instead. I didn't want to backtrack, and if she wasn't ready to come to my place I decided it was better to end it and leave her wanting more, so, putting my hand on her back, I replied, "If you don't want to that's ok. We can call it a night and meet up some other time." She said ok.

We had a few blocks to walk together before being forced to split up. So we walked and talked. I did more physical pushing here, and also put my arm around her. When a cold wind began to blow I took her hand and wrapped it around me, and wrapped mine around her as well. We walked like that for about a block until she took her hand off first. Damn it.

When we said goodbye she came in to hug me. I kissed her instead; it was very easy. I then asked her again if she was sure she didn't want to come to my place - I shouldn't have asked like that. I should have just told her to come and led the way, damn it. She said it was getting late and she was sure, so I said ok and kissed her goodbye again.

Why didn't I persist harder? After walking half a block I realized that I probably could have brought her home. At the very least I could have walked her to her dorm; she had told me tonight that her former roommate is gone and she has the room to herself! Damn it damn it damn it. Never again. At least I seemed non-needy, like I didn't care whether or not we got together.

 

[determined]

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Just let a girl leave my place. Disappointed, but the date went well for the most part.

Here's our texting - I want to include it here because I feel it's a good example. I definitely learned from it.

me last Saturday 1632: Hey LaidBackGirl, always nice to meet a new friend .
her 1727: Most definitely! Great to meet you as well! Glad you were able to enjoy the beautiful day!
-next day
me 2007: Hey LaidBackGirl, how was you weekend? Restful and relaxing, or even more tired than when you started? (Usually I don't send out texts this long anymore; I'll send a very short question and see if the girl bites. But her previous response was great, so I allowed myself to invest a bit more)
-next day
her 618: Haha it was a bit of both really! Very very busy but in a good way! Tiring but only after having fun with friends. It was really great, not so much for my homework though! Haha. How about you?
me 901: Wow LaidBackGirl, what time did you wake up this morning ? (Very long text from her qualifying herself: more investment. I give her a short reply with a very subtle chase frame, teasing her for texting me back so early in the morning.
her 1015: Waaaay too early. I occasionally work for a smoothie company through my school and we had an early morning catering event. It was awful. So tired!
me 1019: Very impressed. So now it's nap time, or off to the next activity? (Felt like I should qualify her for all the investment she's giving before cutting to the chase)
her 1019: I wish! Heading to the gym really quickly and then off to class at 11:45. What's on your plan for the day?
me 1130: I can already tell you'll completely wear me out! I'm at work now. On meeting up again - when's good for you? (Another subtle chase frame)
her 1609: Hmmmmm...I'm not sure this week will work. I'm really busy with Halloween shenanigans and such. But perhaps the weekend?
me 1617: Perhaps (This response was great; she didn't give me enough investment so I pulled back and gave her a super short reply communicating that I don't really care too much whether or not we see each other again. Helps that I really didn't - I'm starting to feel an abundance mentality, and it's something you can't fake)
her 1921: Haha, which day suits you better? (Wow, it worked. She's chasing me now! Again, it was the abundance mentality that made this happen. I really didn't care all the much about her, so I gave her space. It only took 3 hours for her to change her tune)
me 2107: Not sure yet. (I'm gonna milk her chasing all the way! Also wanted to wait as long as possible before committing so I can pick a time with the best logistics)
her 2114: Just let me know if you're free. How was your day?
me 2120: Great, and yours?
her 2126: Long and busy but pretty good! Got my midterm back and got a perfect score so i was really pleased. (So much qualifying)
me 2129: An overachiever huh ? Glad you're pleased. (Qualifying and cold reading)
her 2133: Haha you hit the nail on the head there! I'm a notorious perfectionist/over achiever lol. Where do you work?
me 2149: San Mateo I'll tell you all about it when we see each other, and if our schedules are difficult we'll just have to be patient! (Didn't want to kill the intrigue by answering before we actually met up, and decided this was enough texting for now so I wanted to end the conversation. Also communicated again that maybe we'll see each other soon, maybe not. It's not important to me)
her 2055: Haha sounds good. So far my weekend is somewhat flexible so it's up to you! (Wow, she went from "not sure if this week will work" to "pick a time, I'm flexible!" This could have gone very differently had I chased.)
-next day
me 2059: Hey LaidBackGirl, made any weekend plans yet?
her 2100: So far just having lunch on Saturday with a friend of mine!
me 2102: Perfect we can meet after. 7 o'clock?
her 2112: Hmmm that should work actually! Any idea on a place to go?
me 2113: Let's meet at Union square
her 2114: Anywhere in specific? Like the actual square in the middle?
me 2115: Yup!
her 2139: Perfect! I must say I'm quite impressed that you ran after me.
me 2144: Great LaidBackGirl, see you there! (Not qualifying myself by acknowledging her complement)
-Saturday
me 1146: See you tonight LaidBackgirl!
her 1151: Sounds good! So 7 in the middle of union square?
me 1204: Looks like they're doing some construction in the middle so corner of Powell and geary. (Here I made a mistake. Should have just said "yes," but now I'm inviting more conversation)
her 1235: Will do! Any hint as to where you want to go for dinner?
me 1244: I've already got dinner plans actually so don't arrive too hungry . You and I are just going to get to know each other a bit because really we only met for 5 minutes. (Definitely didn't want a formal dinner - just hang out for a bit then back to my place. I knew when I sent this text that something was off about it, but I still don't know what or how I should have responded)
her 1253: So coffee then?
me 1307: It doesn't really matter what we do. If it's as nice out as it was yesterday we can just sit together at the square. Maybe coffee, although definitely decaf for me!
her 1327: Well what's your time limit? I'm not sure I want to go all the way downtown just to sit in union square sorry. (What is going on with this girl? Did I fuck this up?)
me 1424: OK, coffee then. Meet me at the Starbucks on Powell.
her 1501: Which one? I think there might be a few on Powell. And what time is your dinner at?
me 1715: O'Farrell I think? Ohhh, you're scared I won't have time for you! Hard to read what you're feeling over text. Dinner is earlier, dinner doesn't matter. I'll be there and my night is yours. Any other concerns, or do we have a plan ?
her 1321: Haha you read me very well lol. I was feeling kinda shitty bout the whole think lol. We have a plan.

The lesson I took away from this is that texting is very prone to miscommunication, so BE MINIMAL. Good thing I realized what she was thinking; that last text of mine was great. Framed her as the insecure one who's chasing, and me as the one who is in demand and has to make time for her. But I really am interested, and my night is hers. I'm also a sensitive guy and can read her emotions.

The real question here is how come she was so into me and investing immediately? I've only had one other girl invest so heavily over text before, but I made the mistake of investing back equally and lost my power. Both approaches were very short; girls in a hurry so I got their numbers quickly. Both were girls that didn't spend any time in downtown San Francisco, where I usually meet girls, so maybe that's the reason. Maybe they're not used to being approached. But I've approached plenty of girls in other places and only the 2 invested so heavily over text.

So we met up at Starbucks, ordered drinks and sat at Union Square. I'm getting better at calibrating my interest levels to hers: she leaned back, I leaned back. She leaned forward, I leaned forward. I'm also getting pretty good at cold reading; I even guessed her favorite color. The conversation was easy. She basically just talked and talked and I barely even had to ask questions. I enjoyed listening, though, and would throw in a tease, qualifier, or sex frame every once in a while, often with a light touch.

The vibe wasn't as "on" as I would've liked. Lacking tension. What do I do if a girl sits down next to me, but not close enough? How do I close the distance without being obvious about it? Later on it became chilly so I told her to warm me up. She hesitated so I had to move fast. Scooted in to her and put my arm around her. She said it was a "smooth move," which is not what I'm going for. Shouldn't be a "move" at all. It should be natural and she should be waiting for it.

Since it was cold she suggested we go to Macy's across the street to the food court. I didn't want a sit down place with her so I said, "ok, we can do some shopping." We looked at the jewellery for a bit then went back out, listened to a saxophone player out front for a bit, then started walking.

She started suggesting places to go, but again I didn't want any of that. I said, "I don't want to eat or drink anything more. We can just chill at my place for a bit then call it night. Sound good?" Didn't think she'd agree since there wasn't a lot of tension, but she did!

So I had her sit on my bed (only piece of furniture I have) and got us water. Sat next to her, again not as close as I would have liked, and more talking. She finally started saying that I need to do more talking, which I did only a little.

I took an unusually long time to escalate because we weren't sitting close enough and she would always either be talking, looking away, or have her cheek leaning on her hand. Eventually I moved closer and went for it. Very easy.

her; I knew you were waiting for it.
me: Maybe I like to tease you. Oh, did you mean that I wanted it, or that I dragged it out?
her: That you wanted it. (I'd been looking at her lips to prepare her)
I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a "idk, whatever" look.

More talking, more kissing, and now we got more into it. Pulled her legs on my lap and put her hand on my body. She kept taking it off though, and I had to put it back. Eventually she finally started to do more touching. Placed her on her back, with me between her legs and my hands all over her, then,

her: I should probably go. This is a bad idea.
me: Yeah, we totally shouldn't do this.
keep going some more
her: Yeah, I should go. I'm going.

Damn it. I got off and she got up and grabbed her coat. Remaining chill, I said, "You don't have to go. We can hang out a bit more." She wanted to go, so we talked a bit more while she was standing in front of me, then she said she'd show herself out. I walked her out. Outside my door:

her: Thanks for having me.
me, taking her hand: I had a good time.
She squeezed my hand and we kissed.
her: We should do it again... soon? (started to descend the stairs

I think I escalate too fast. How do I slow down the process so girls don't freak out?

 

[determined]

Texted her after she left, and she texted me back today, "Thanks E but I just don't think it's going to work out. I just really wasn't feeling it. But thanks for the nice time."
...

Also, here's a text snippet from yesterday with a different girl:

me Sunday night, asking for her schedule
her, next morning at 1045: Sorry i fell asleep last night and had class early. To be honest I'm extremely busy during the week and probably won't have time. Also things are kinds hectic with me and guys lately. I 'm taking a break from meeting guys right now. Hope you can understand that.
me 1833: Very understandable. You fear that if we grab a quick coffee you'll immediately fall in love with me. Am I understanding correctly ?
her 1953: Hahahahaha alright you got me. A coffee sounds good, but I'm not free during the week. The only time I'd be free is tomorrow around 7.

How awesome is that? Haha

 

[Edd--19]

Hey E,
Its really inspiring to read your progress, and see how much ground you have covered in such a short span of time. It gives a new perspective on the entire game.
As for your problems I remember that there are a few posts that may be of help on the girls chase website... one such article suggests just ignoring all verbal communication whilst escalating, and not to reinforce it such as:

Her: We really shouldn't be doing this...
Him: Yeah, you're right, we shouldn't.
... and continue escalating.

This is apparently a terrible and detrimenting thing to do as you are now forcing her to think about what you are doing and engaging her logical mind; what you should be doing is just ignoring it, this is all from the post, not sure if that is what it says exactly.

I'm nowhere near as experienced as you, and you're doing an awesome job, but in your messages you don't seem to build intrigue and I wonder if you don't build enough in your face-to-face interactions. This is something I have been trying to work extensively on and is a good way of getting girls to invest in you when the conversation turns to you.

The progress you've made is phenominal and you are such an inspiration just by showing how much you have achieved in 8 months of constant cold approaching. i'm going to use you and your journal as a way of getting over my approach anxiety!

Also, don't get me wrong, I hate giving advice that I have no experience on, but the escalation thing is one of the GC members posts (I think Ricardus, but don't quote me) and I've been employing intrigue in conversations in any interaction I do have.

All the Best Man, I'm sure you'll get what you want soon enough!

Edd--19

 

[determined]

Edd, agreed, I've been realizing this lately. Just half an hour ago I was sitting with a girl and she said I wasn't invited to her place. I made a remark about how I could totally be invited if I wanted to, but I didn't tonight. Should've ignored the comment, it was way too reactive.

Thanks for the kind words, it's been exactly a year since I first found GC, and about 10 months since my first cold approach. On an unrelated note, I've noticed that people, both guys and girls, routinely call me handsome and good-looking. That's new, and I look the same. Must be those fundamentals. Actually, even I'm more attracted to myself than I used to be. I'm looking at the mirror right now, and I don't know if it's my eyes, my confident expression, or if it's something else, but shit.

 

[determined]

Monday, November 11, 2013

Picked up a girl on my way to my motorcycle this morning, plus 2 after work. Combined with 8 numbers from Saturday and 1 from Sunday (didn't do much approaching), my phone is pretty packed. Pretty soon I might be able to stop going out so much. As soon as I can get all of these girls out. I must be making mistakes in my texting, because a whopping 6 out of Saturday's 8 responded to my ice breaker text, but all 4 I've tried to move things forward with since then have stopped texting me. Here's an example with a gorgeous Venezuelan girl I met at the park. We sat together for a bit, then I moved her to a coffee shop, but the place was packed so we found a bench to sit on until she had to go take a test. When we got up she hugged me, and as she walked away she said, "Text me."

me 1534: Hey Maykelis, always nice to meet a new friend . -E
her 1538: Nice to meet you too E
-next day
me 1412: Hey Maykelis, how was your test?
her 1510: hey! good I think
me 1527: Great! Let's figure out a time to meet again, when are you free?

No response. They're all pretty similar. Some I spent more time with in person, some less. Some I built more of a connection with, some less. Am I asking for the date too fast? And yes, I do try to set up a date before getting the number, but sometimes I can't.

Other than that, I had one girl flake on Thursday and another one cancel Sunday. One of Saturday's girls said we'd go out tomorrow, but she didn't respond to my ice breaker, so not counting on it. Should have at least one date coming up on Saturday.

Today I was out and I saw one of the girls from Saturday. Not recognizing her, I started to approach her, but realized I knew her so I began slowly and let her remind me who she was. Sat next to her on her bench, talked, and scheduled a date for Friday night. She was waiting for a friend and the friend was really late, so she suggested we grab drinks. Ok. She's in her late 20s and said I'm really young. She also said we could be friends (not in a "we can't be more than friends" way, not in a "we can JUST be friends" way, but in a "I like you. We can be friends" way). Sounded like a test to me, so I said, "Of course." Not sure what kind of vibe I have with her yet, so we'll see if this goes beyond platonic.

Spent a lot of time just looking at her and it made her smile. Teased her, deep diving, bla bla bla. Didn't invite her home. I think I'm just not at the level where I can sleep with girls as fast as this site recommends, so I'm going to try to slow down and conceal my intentions longer. Walked her to the BART station. Also, she mentioned that Friday she'd be with friends, so I asked when we could meet just the two of us and we moved our date to Saturday instead. She texted me "It was good to see you again E -A"

Soon after saw another cute girl, talked for a bit, went to Starbucks, decided we didn't want coffee, went to sit at Union Square. Same shit, then I called it a night and we hugged. She responded to my "good night" text.

Any advice on the texting thing?

 

[determined]

One more thing, funny story from Friday. I took the day off from work and did a few approaches. First girl I saw walking. She was Turkish, here studying English, and on her way to meet a friend. I couldn't get her to hook, so I let her go.

Talked to a few more girls; nothing stuck, then I saw a girl sitting alone at a cafe. Approached her and sat down. She had a foreign name and an accent, so I asked where she was from. Turkey. That's a coincidence, 2 Turkish girls in one day? Anyways, she was waiting for a friend who would arrive in 10 minutes. So I said we had to make this quick then, and tried to build a connection fast.

Less than 10 minutes in, maybe 5 minutes, she points behind me and says, "There's my friend." I turn around, and it's the first girl I approached that day! She sees me and her mouth drops open, and I just kinda sat there and all I could think to say was, "You took the long way to get here, didn't you?" Haha.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Less than 10 minutes in, maybe 5 minutes, she points behind me and says, "There's my friend." I turn around, and it's the first girl I approached that day! She sees me and her mouth drops open, and I just kinda sat there and all I could think to say was, "You took the long way to get here, didn't you?" Haha.

This one made me laugh haha. Your line was clever. I had the same thing happen a while back in this FR: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3389.

Just as a thought, and I'm saying this because we always happen to be around the same level at the same time...is pushing harder for instant-dates. I'd also go out and get 5-9 phone numbers a day, but I'd only get a few dates out of them...and it's just a lot of work in comparison with results. And considering those same girls are primed for sex if there are logistics to suit, getting phone numbers are only important if they can't go on an instant date immediately. You can see the process this in my journal now - viewtopic.php?f=15&t=3911.

Also, why this, if I may ask?:

Didn't invite her home. I think I'm just not at the level where I can sleep with girls as fast as this site recommends, so I'm going to try to slow down and conceal my intentions longer. [/b]

~Nick

 

[determined]

Hey Nick,

Yeah I remember reading that FR haha, Glad you linked to it, though, because Chase's comments are new and they gave me food for thought. How do you structure your text conversations nowadays and how has that been working out for you? You wrote that you tend to be very warm, and it looks like you ask for the date pretty soon into the conversation. Is that accurate? It's really frustrating when these girls are into me in person, text me at first, then drop off the map. Any advice? More banter, or maybe texting them for a bit then ignoring them then texting them again? I know I'm doing something wrong.

I definitely always go for the instant date if possible, but I meet these girls in downtown SF and they're always going somewhere. Sometimes I can sit with them at the park or grab a coffee like the Venezuelan girl, but there's never enough time to pull.

Looking forward to reading your journal when I have time, haven't seen you post FRs in a while so glad you're back. Just skimming through it I saw one lay off an instant date that's fucking awesome!

As to why I've decided to try to slow down, when I move fast girls resist and I end up chasing. Then I don't see them again. Maybe I'm just escalating wrong, maybe my fundamentals aren't yet tight enough to pull this off so quickly, or maybe I can do it just like you did and I'm giving up too easily. I found a mentor at work. He's married now, but has a few dozen lays under his belt back from his single days in Tel Aviv, and this advice is coming from him. He says I need to send more mixed signals, confuse the girls, make them excited, and behave like I have so many options that I simply don't care whether or not I sleep with them. So I'll try it, and worst case it won't work and I'll go back to moving fast. In the meantime, if I feel like the vibe is really on I'll go for it.

Thanks for posting, man, your comments are always helpful.

 

[determined]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

LR-: Saturday, November 16, 2013

Was shopping for sunglasses when a girl approached the booth. Started an indirect conversation about sunglasses, then asked if she was single. Yes, but she didn't seem like she wanted to be talking to me. So I went back to my browsing, then engaged her again aloofly while not making eye contact. When she finished paying I said "let's grab a coffee." Expected a no, but she agreed. Surprising, but ok. So I finished paying and we started walking, but the place she took us to actually turned out not to be a coffee place, so I told her we should go sit at Union Square instead.

Got to know her, then when I started getting bored I suggested we grab a drink and took her to a pub right across the street from my place. We're getting closer. Drank there, she's a very cool girl. When we finished our drinks she asked if I wanted another one. I said, "Let's keep it to one," then suggested we hang out at my place for a bit.

Sorry there's not much detail here, I'm just not really in the right headspace for writing, but long story short she was on her period, so instead of pushing for it or telling her to give me a blowjob, I put my hand in her pants and played with her clit, saying that ok, no sex, but I can still make her feel good. She responded just the way I wanted her to, saying that she can't today, but reciprocating and taking off my pants. Blowjob. She left saying, "Call me anytime."

I know this girl for 3 hours. Fuck yeah. As a bonus, as we ascended the steps to my building, a girl who flaked on me a while back walked by and watched us.

And I have a date later. So now I'm going to go out to meet more girls!

 

[PrettyDecent]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

Nice job on the LR-! Didn't see your reply until just now, brother.

How do you structure your text conversations nowadays and how has that been working out for you? You wrote that you tend to be very warm, and it looks like you ask for the date pretty soon into the conversation. Is that accurate? It's really frustrating when these girls are into me in person, text me at first, then drop off the map. Any advice? More banter, or maybe texting them for a bit then ignoring them then texting them again? I know I'm doing something wrong.

Yeah, if I didn't set the date up in person, I know I need to set it up via text ASAP. If a girl immediately responds to my icebreaker, or sends a really long reply back, I'll start setting up the date right there. That's the scenario where all of my dates via texting look like.

Then I don't see them again. Maybe I'm just escalating wrong, maybe my fundamentals aren't yet tight enough to pull this off so quickly, or maybe I can do it just like you did and I'm giving up too easily.

Actually, your LR- confirmed some ideas I had about LMR. You're definitely not facing a Value problem, hence your recent success. For this strand of resistance, if you push too hard (like, too pushy or not enough teasing), she's going to see that you're just trying to "get one out", and that you don't value her specifically. And I think the way to overcome that was in your LR-: a remark like "OK, that's fine, I still enjoy your company". I've also seen that tactic used to success in the LR's and infield instant dates I've been structuring my processes off of.

Let us know how that date goes, my friend!

~Nick

 

[determined]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

Yeah, Nick, I completely agree. I've been reflecting over it - both this LR- and my last LR- from about a month ago, and I think I know why this works: it's the fact that I'm offering to give instead of demanding to take. When people feel like you want something from them, be it sex, money, or anything else, they protect themselves by closing off. But when you offer to give - "I like you and I want to make you feel good" - they reciprocate out of their own free will. You don't even need to ask. Pretty funny that this happened after I just wrote that I was going to slow down my process.

Anyways, no date last night. Texted the girl after 15 minutes asking if she was on her way, and she responded that she was still in the East Bay. Wtf? No warning, no heads up, no apology? When was she going to bother to tell me had I not asked? Didn't trouble myself to respond.

So I called it a night. A bit later another girl texted me and I tried to get her out, but no luck.

Did very few approaches yesterday so only 2 numbers besides my LR-; my next date should be tomorrow with one of them (fingers crossed).

 

[determined]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

FR++: Thursday, November 22, 2013

The girl who flaked on me Saturday texted me today, "I'm in SF. Want to hang out?" Ok. Met her at a bar across the street from my place. When I touched her at the bar she would shy away, like she was uncomfortable with it. Why? I've touched her before. I didn't stop completely, because she needs to know that I'm a physical guy and she needs to become comfortable with it, but I did tone it down. Only touched her hand and her arm, and did it less often than usual. Qualified her more than usual. She kept moving her hand and body away from me every time I touched her. Told me about her recent ex who was very controlling and jealous, and who proposed to her. I took the opportunity to talk about how great freedom is and to tell her that she looks happy and free.

She wanted to keep hanging out after we finished our drinks; she suggested karaoke or going to her friend's hookah lounge. I replied that I'm ready to head home, but we can chill at my place for a bit before calling it a night. She thought about it, but declined. I felt that persisting would only push her away and deprive me of power, so I walked her to her friend's lounge and bid her goodnight. At the end of the night she responded much better to my touch, and on the walk I touched her freely.

Now I was in the mood, though, so I started approaching. Engaged, boyfriend, boyfriend, married, boyfriend, single. Warm immediately. Took this girl to another bar that's a block from my place. She was pretty awkward and hard to guage. Conversation wasn't great, except I threw in a lot of chase and sex frames. Also had her feed me some berries that she took when the bartender wasn't looking. Went for the kiss in the lounge and she turned away, saying that we're in public.

Hung out a bit more, then started walking towards my place. She asked if I wanted to go home (not in a "Take me with you" kind of way, more of a "Ready to call it a night?" way). I said yes. Walked inside my building and she stopped at the door. Told her to come in. She hesitated, then, "Can I use your bathroom?" "Sure." Got us some water and sat on the bed. She sat on the floor. Told her to come sit and she said she IS sitting. Changed the subject for a second then said she had to come sit on the bed because it's awkward. So she did. She played music on her phone.

Went for the kiss, she turned away, and a loooong struggle ensued. She said she's not drunk enough to do this, which she also said at the bar. Wtf? I replied, "What does being drunk have to do with it?" and played with her hair. She also said the she doesn't do that the first time she meets a guy. She asked if I had any vodka. No, but I got us wine. Kept playing with her hair, went for the kiss, rejected, started stroking her thigh. When I went for the kiss for the 3rd time she said that if I wasn't ok with hanging out with her without getting physical then it was fine if I told her to leave. I said I like hanging out with her, otherwise we wouldn't be here together. She said ok, but sex wasn't happening. I moved away from her and lay on the bed. She tells me about an indie movie she saw that was full of sex and I turn it into a sex frame.

Talked for a bit, then told her to come over. So now I'm lying down and she's sitting indian style on my bed. She asks for more wine, and I said, "How are you going to convince me to give it to you?" She began massaging my hand. Told her I loved it, and when she asked again for the wine I got her another glass. Told her to massage my hand more. Sat up and went for the kiss again, no go. She kept telling me that it wasn't happening and if I wasn't ok with that I could tell her to leave. her: "I'm just going to blue ball you." me: "Looking forward to it."

Lay back down and told her to lay with me. She did. Now we're cuddling and I start touching her. Smelling her. She still won't kiss on the lips, but lets me kiss her neck and ears. She wants more wine, I think she's trying to create plausible deniability. So stupid - just do what you want. I had already made it clear earlier, when she said she wasn't easy, that I believe women should have sex if they want to. So I get her another glass. She drinks it.

More playing with her body. She lets me do anything above the clothes except touch her pussy. I keep trying. She gets up to go to the bathroom, and when she comes back she's lost her pants. More of the same. She takes off her shirt. I took my shirt off earlier at some point. I'm kissing, licking, and touching all of her except she won't let me kiss her lips, take off her bra, or touch her pussy. She's loving it and giggling, but not reciprocating. I keep putting her hands on me. She tells me to lay my head on her chest so she can play with my hair. More fooling around. Tell her to take off my pants. More fooling around. Still stopping me. Now she starts to act drunk. She had a few drinks with a friend before we met, and I guess she was drunker than I thought. I start to think that I better hurry up, otherwise she'll be too drunk and it'll be too late.

Long story short, she throws up in my toilet and the fun is over. Fuuuuuuuuuck. No more wine for these stupid bitches. Sleep. I try again in the morning for about an hour, same resistance. Then she left. It was so obvious that she wanted it. She just had the idea in her head that she doesn't sleep with a guy the first time they meet. Crazy that people limit themselves based on these beliefs that have no logical basis. Just be free.

Brought home 2 girls this week.

 

[determined]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

LR: Monday, November 25, 2013

First lay off cold approach. Many more to come.

I scheduled 2 dates today in case one of them flaked. They both flaked... But I wanted a date, so I texted 4 girls and convinced one of them to see me. Nice when your phone is full of numbers and you can do that.

Met at Union Square, hugged, sat. Started off a bit slow at first, but she opened up more and more as time went on. More friendly than sexual because she's Taiwanese and very Asian, but I was confident and moving things forward.

About 30 minutes in I invited her to come chill at my place for a bit and listen to music before calling it a night "because it was getting cold." It wasn't cold at all. She agreed.

As soon as we started walking I gave her my elbow to hold, then soon after took her hand (might've held her hand while we sat, too. Don't remember). I've been doing this a lot with girls lately, and it's gold. Holding and stroking their hands immediately makes it clear that we're more than friends. Got to my door and she asked,

her: Is this your place?
me: Yeah
her: I don't want to go in.
me: Yeah, that's what we said. Come on.
her: No... (damn it. She must not have understood what I was inviting her to)

We sat on the steps of my building for a bit, then I said we could call it a night or hang out for a bit upstairs first. She still wasn't up for it, so I made her give me a hug and sent her on her way.

Walked a few blocks to move my bike, and by Union Square I saw another girl who seemed like she was looking for something (turns out she was trying to hail a cab). So I opened, "You look lost."

Instant click, moved her to the side, took her hand very soon into conversation. She was about to go home, so I suggested we sit at Union Square for a bit. Ok. Gave her my elbow while we walked.

With her things were totally sexual. I stroked her hand, teased her, and she teased me right back.

her: Why are you looking at me like that?
me: Why are you looking at me like that?
her: You started it.
...
her: Why are you looking at me like that?
me: Now you started it.
...
her: Do you do this all the time?
me: All the time.
her: How often does it work?
me: Every time.
her: Doubt it.
...
her: I usually don't let guys talk to me.
me: How do you stop them?
her: I just ignore them.
me: Then why me?
her: I don't know... (said with great eye contact)

Invited her home pretty quickly "because it was cold." She said no, because we'd just met. She also mentioned, don't remember if it was here or earlier, that she'd been bad recently. Tried to get her to give me more details, but she wouldn't. Later I found out she'd slept with some guy at a party on Friday, and that before that she hadn't had sex in months.

Anyways, now I turned it on. Put my hand on hers. Don't remember what we talked about, then I again brought up going home.

me: Sucks that you're under 21. Tell you what: I have some wine and I'll give you a little bit if you promise not to get me in trouble.
She was still hesitant
me: You can change your mind on the way. Come on.
her: You won't stop me?
me: How could I stop you?

And she came. Also some talk here, or maybe a bit earlier, that what if I'm a serial killer, and what if SHE's a serial killer, and does she have roofies in that bag? Because I have a rape whistle.

We walked, holding hands. Talked about how she wants to write a book, and I said, "I already know your book is going to be so dirty. 50 Shades of Grey type thing?" Up to my place. Offered her water, unless she really wanted wine (The earlier talk of wine was just an excuse for her to come over. I learned my lesson from Thursday). Water. Sat on my bed. She stood and declined to sit down.

Earlier, as we walked up the stairs, I'd commented that her eyes were blue, and that in the dark outside they had looked green. She said, "Yup, always blue." Now at my place I brought it up again, maybe that they looked green now that it was darker. She asked my eye color, and I didn't answer. her: "You're gonna make me come sit down to see?" And she came.

Told her to sit on my lap, but she declined. I took her legs and put them on me, and started massaging her calf. Escalating slower this time, I'm learning. Touching her, no kissing. She really wanted a kiss, so I leaned in, right by her face, and waited. She giggled, then I kissed her. More touching. Kissed again. She backed away and stood up to cool off. I lay on the bed.

She sat back down, and I told her to come to me. She said she had shoes on, so I said take them off. She did. More touching, less kissing, rubbing her pussy, went to take off her pants, and she stopped me. Backed off, more fun, then she started rubbing my dick. She took my pants off, put it in her mouth, and now her pants came off. Very token resistance with this one.

We went twice. The first time I actually came before she did, and finished her off by hand. The second time I didn't finish, made her orgasm twice. So that's 3 for the night, most she's ever had. She said I was much better than Friday .

She said she'd been bad, and I said, "What are you talking about?" and how sex is natural and society sucks and is holding us back from being free bla bla bla. Think I opened her mind. She kept saying how crazy this night was, and asked how often I do this. Didn't answer. She knows I'm not boyfriend material.

Lay in bed for a bit, then walked her back to where we met to catch a ride home. I still had to move my bike .

It's been crazy recently. For months it felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again and getting no results. Then all of a sudden I'm moving forward so fast. It was only 3 weeks ago that I brought home my first girl (where things were sexual between us, at least). And this past 10 days I brought home 3.

 

[Dern]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

You got your first LR up! Congrats bro! Soon it will be my turn

Lesson learned: persistence leads to success.

Was also wondering, how long have you been in game for?

 

[determined]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

Hey Dern. It's been almost 13 months since I found GC and started thinking about this stuff, 11 months since my first cold approach.

 

[determined]

Re: STICKIED: E's Journal

FR++: Wednesday, November 28, 2013

First and only approach of the night was a girl sitting at Union Square. She's from LA and only here for the night. Seemed interested immediately, so I moved her quickly to another spot at the square.

On our short walk I gave her my elbow, but she declined. Told her she had to take it, and she did. Now we sat together and I deep dove her. Good conversation verbally - I got to know her very well, and she's really cool - but not so great a conversation nonverbally. The tension wasn't there. I tried taking her hand at one point and she said she wasn't feeling that. I considered cutting the interaction short and looking for a more receptive girl, but stuck with it, just to see what would happen. About 30 minutes in suggested we grab drinks and she agreed, to my surprise. On the walk I gave her my elbow, but didn't feel she was ready for the hand hold.

I'm very glad I stuck with this girl, because this interaction taught me that I can really turn things around. At the bar we really got verbally intimate. Same topics, but the feeling was deeper. I did a lot of cold reading and she was amazed, saying that most people claim she's hard to read. I said that she's very easy to read, and maybe they just don't get her.

More sex and chase framing here than at Union Square because it was landing much better. More smiles from her, better eye contact, some signs of nervousness. She asked if I knew a lot of people in the city since I'm relatively new, and if I met them through work. I told her that it's very hard to meet the kind of people I want in my life by chance at work, and that it's necessary to really go out looking. I told her that I meet lots of people on the street just like I met her (Not in a "I'm a player" way, I gave her an example of some guy I met a few weeks back whom I really hit it off with). However, I said that it usually doesn't pan out, that most people are just average.

Reading what I wrote it seems like I went off on a long monologue here, but I didn't. It was interspersed with questions from her, questions from me to her, and comments about her.

She said she hoped she wasn't one of those people who didn't pan out, and I replied, "I'm here with you, aren't I?" Which was true, she was awesome. Definitely the kind of girl I want. Shame she's leaving.

By the time we finished our drinks the mood had completely changed. I invited her home and she agreed. On the way there I held her hand. No problem this time.

Got to my place and she sat too far away from me on the bed. Didn't want to be too aggressive and trigger resistance, so I took my shoes off and lay on the bed. Told her she could take her shoes off, too, if she wanted, but she declined.

We were talking and I ramped up the tension with eye contact and pauses, and very soon she said she should get going. So I started to move: I got up and sat right next to her, changed the subject, and put her leg on mine, touching it. She said she had to go again. Again I changed the subject, commenting on her ring and taking the opportunity to touch her hand. We talked about the ring for a bit, then she said she had to go again. Kissed her. She made a "that's sweet, but no" gesture, touching my chest while displaying a facial expression. Then she got up. Walked her to the door, kissed goodbye.

Any insight as to what went wrong here? Was distance a problem - maybe the fact that I was too far away from her at first made it awkward for her and prompted that first "I should go?" Or maybe I wasn't physical enough before we got to my place? With Monday's girl I was so physical the whole time, and it was super natural as soon as we got to my place for me to have my way with her. With this one the transition from sitting on my bed to escalating was a little more forced. Or did I make a mistake earlier on?