Ozz's Journal



Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Fri Oct 04, 2013 11:36 pm

Hey guys,

I've been following and reading Girl's Chase for well over a year now. Now in my mid 20's, most of my life I've been very awkward around girls, mainly because I just didn't know what to do. I've passed on countless opportunities with great girls because of my reservations, inexperience, and foolishness, many which I look back in regret. I started making inroads to change this last year, when I finally had enough. Prior to last summer, and right around the time I started to read and apply what I'd read on Girlschase, I managed to get three simultaneous casual relationships going for a few months, one of which turned serious and which I've been until now, a year and a few months later. Newly single, I'm ready to get right back into this, and do better than I did before.

Right now, I feel like quite the chump: with low self esteem and plenty of other anxieties and issues (like losing a job a month ago). But in this happening I feel a sense of determination to become focused and really, really good at this process, and being a successful, sexy man that has an abundance mentality and the results to show for it.

I hope that keeping this blog will showcase my progress and also inspire me to keep it going. I'll be updating periodically when I have time.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Sun Oct 06, 2013 12:13 pm

One of my biggest setbacks right now is approach anxiety, that is mainly knowing what to say and convincing myself to say something to someone in the first place. I talk myself out of doing things, which extends not only to girls but also in job hunting, and going to the gym, and going out to do life errands. I would rather sit at home and do nothing, which is sad. So today, I set out to just go out and talk.

On the platform waiting for a train, I asked a woman for the time, then asked if she was going anywhere interesting. She said no. I told her the weather is great, she said doing anything today would be great. I said have a nice day. I could have kept this going longer, I should have asked what she would do if she could do anything.

Later in an elevator i asked a woman about the magazine she was reading and just made small talk.

••

Saturday night, i went to a crowded bar called Elsa. My goal is to talk to ten girls before I call it off and go home. I had a wingman friend join halfway through as we bounced around from place to place.

#1. Carolina. I approached by positioning myself on her right side as she was turned to her left talking to her friend. I ordered water, then asked about what she was drinking. We made small talk about her college, but i started touching her back, maybe too soon. Within five minutes her and her friend got up and relocated.

#2 Brittany: I told her she was cute because she stood on her tip toes to get the bartenders attention. She said she was here with someone, then I left.

#3 Jackie: I met a cute girl outside waiting for her friends, it seemed she was into me and got close to me quickly. She was visiting from California. We had some really good banter, eventually her friends came and they started walking somewhere. She offered first to let my friend and I come with her, but then by the end of the block she just gave me her number. It seems she just wanted to get rid of me. In retrospect, I should have done a compliance check like a kiss on the cheek maybe. I texted her within an hour, only to get her name wrong "Becky" instead of "Jackie". Salvageable?

#4. Tiffany: one if Jackie's friends. Talked to her briefly before going back to Jackie.

#5: Zara: a girl came by with her friend, and her friend managed to remove us from our seats at the bar. I feel pretty chumpish. When I tried talking to them again, I tried to.playfully make fun of them for what they did, but instead just came off as rude and they weren't happy at all.

#6. R: started talking to a girl, which went well for about fifteen minutes. I asked for her information to hang out later on, but she has a boyfriend. I said he doesn't need to know, and she laughed, and it didn't go anywhere.

#7. April: R's friend. R was here with two girl.friends, April one of them. I briefly bantered with her, and over the night she kept looking at me. I offered that we dance, she said "we are already dancing here". I walked away and came back later, said that we should hang out another day, lets trade info, to which she said she will give her number. I proceeded to pull out my phone and talked to her about other stuff, but couldn't pull it off before the blond friend, whom while cute was not being talked to by anybody there, cockblocked me. She said "we're trying to hang out after forever" and that was the end. So this was a fail.

#8. I talked to a girl in the front whose boyfriend was at the bar. She had been eyeing me earlier in the night anyway, and she was alone at the time. I walked away soon after.

I didn't truly attempt a #9 and #10, my friend at this point was far too belligerent for either of us and I simply decided to drive him home. He had already tried to start a confrontation at one place late in the night, it didn't seem worth it.



What did I learn and see: I noticed plenty of girls making eye contact with me, some multiple times. Perhaps they think I am cute. Also, I managed to get to eight our of ten before calling it off and going home. Still not my target, but I am glad that this time I at least tried. Also, I approached, which is good, even if it's a social setting. I picked up on some signs and took opportunities.

What didn't work at all: I think I messed up just about everything else. My fundamentals suck, and they need a lot of improvement. Girls seem to take advantage of me all over the place, and perhaps I am far too complacent. Also, though I didn't drink before my friend came, I started afterwards, and that messed up my interactions later on. I have to definitely get better at maneuvering, deep diving and making real conversation, and being a bigger leader.

All in all, I didn't do well at all. This feels like it is going to be a long struggle ahead.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:18 pm

Yesterday I practiced day game for one hour. My friend and I walked around a whole foods and around a park in the city, and we decided to time each other's interactions as well as took turns approaching girls and seeing how far we could get. Our goal is to make approaching fun and something that should come second nature, thus boosting our confidence.

We were actually part of a group that met up specifically to practice this; my new friend Art and I chose Whole Foods first, where there happened to be a plethora of young women shopping by themselves.

My general strategy was to approach the girl from the side, tap her lightly on her elbow, then step back and say, "sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, but I really like your style. Especially your shoes! Where are they from?" and go from there.
It was difficult to get started at first, but my friend volunteered to start, and watching him made it easier to go myself. In about half an hour I approached and talked to eight women with interactions that lasted from twenty seconds to five minutes. With the one I made most progress on, I found out she worked in the wine business, which made things easy for me because I happen to know a lot about alcohol. Unfortunately, when I told her I had to go and asked for her number, I saw she was married and she outright refused to give it to me to continue the interaction. Now I didn't know where else to take it.

Art and I discovered our new problem: we felt fairly comfortable in approaching, but now transitions started to become issues. We were both hitting the same wall where we made small talk for a few minutes, but then didn't know what else to say before it got awkward and we both closed by wishing the girl to have a nice day.
In consulting one of the leaders of this meet-up, he suggested transitioning to find out about them. Right after introductions and opening, he suggested that we find out one or two things about the person we were talking to, and work off that.

Both of us now walked into the park, and I saw a cute girl standing by herself watching an artist on the ground. I started talking to her about her shoes, which were bright pink, and I told her that they reminded me of Wendy Davis, the Texas senator who threw a filibuster for ten hours in bright pink shoes. She laughed, and then I led the conversation. I transitioned into talking about art, and her about her school. It turns out she's a student at Pratt in fine arts, and I happen to be well versed in architecture. We have something slightly in common!

I asked her how much time she has, and it seemed like she was just there to hang out and enjoy the day. I told her I would have to leave to meet my friend at a nearby Starbucks when he texts me, but till then we should walk around and hang out. I moved her around the park, first to another area where there was art. She showed me a book that she just bought, and I made sure to touch her elbow repeatedly though she did not reciprocate. We talked about life in Ohio and in New York, before I moved her again to a bench in another area in the park. She laughed frequently and seemed to find me charming.

I found out that she is:
-Artistic
-A senior in college at Pratt
-Introverted and kind of a loner
-From Ohio, but is also quite well traveled and has ambitions to go to Europe
-Has studied abroad in Australia
-Likes to watch shows in her free time

About fifteen minutes later, I told her that we should get together again, but she resisted and first asked "you mean as friends or something else;" I said, "I don't know, it could be that, maybe more, maybe less," and asked her about her schedule. She refused to share anything and then said that she wouldn't give me her number, that she'd like to keep this interaction strictly as strangers. I continued the conversation on a different topic and tried again five minutes later, taking out my phone and presenting it to her. She again refused; I wanted to meet with my group before they disbanded, so I said bye and we parted ways.

I feel like with more skill and experience I could have probably closed this interaction and taken her home in some capacity if I had stayed longer and transitioned into something else, something more sexual as she seemed somewhat open to it, but I am happy that I was at least able to talk to a random stranger on the street, move her around, and talk to her for twenty minutes, even if I wasn't able to get her number from her. I went back to meet up with the group and report my progress; we then disbanded. The leader suggested that next time, rather than simply trying to get her number, I suggest an activity she may be interested in that we could do together. That may be a way to get past this wall.

In the evening, I complimented and chatted to a girl at the gym without any hesitation, who happened to be walking out as well. She wasn't receptive, but I still tried and I'm glad I did it. On a train home, I saw someone cute nearby and wanted to talk, but decided against it. Next time I am going to push myself even if I don't feel like it. I will continue to work out the kinks in my approach, my anxiety, and in my transitions.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby metomeya » Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:57 pm

Looks like you are making great progress.

Seems like your sticking point is now going from having them talk to themselves to getting their number/convincing them to hangout.

Have you considered seeding? Just throw in some information you can bring up later like, "Oh ya, I love this city too. My friends and I have just started going to this karaoke bar. But anyways what were you saying about [blah blah]." Then at the end you can say "hey you seem pretty cool see you later." Start to walk away, then turn around and say, "Hey I just had an idea, you want to join us at the karaoke bar" her: "[blah blah] no thats okay" You: "oh come on it'll be fun" then just take out your phone and give it to her.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Oct 08, 2013 5:55 pm

Hey Metomeya,

Thanks for your input. I will try this next time and interject a plan or location mid-conversation. I think a good route might be to discuss coffee or coffee shops, and then suggest my favorite one.

Next day of practice this week is tomorrow.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby metomeya » Tue Oct 08, 2013 7:57 pm

Sounds good. I think anything that is a lot of fun (night club, karaoke, water park) with friends might be the best option. Then you are just hanging out for fun instead of it being a date. Much harder to turn down. Just my two cents.

But a note on that, it might be best to have those friends be female, just so there isn't a chance she starts to like one of your male friends before liking you.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby PrettyDecent » Tue Oct 08, 2013 8:20 pm

Ozz,

Great to see the headway your making past AA and the first interaction...keep it up!

Nick
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Wed Oct 09, 2013 3:57 pm

Progress report for Tuesday, and I'll partition this into three sections:

1. Establishing my goals for where I eventually want to be.
2. What I did to practice Tuesday.
3. A coffee date I had set up Tuesday with a conservative, innocent, religious girl.

---MY GOALS---

1. I want multiple, simultaneous casual relationships. Ideally I want to have a bench of between 4 and 6 girls, but at least 2-3, at any given time.

2. I do not want to have a serious relationship with any single girl until I have perfected my game, process, and method at least 80-90% of the way, with results to show. The reason for this is because I do not want to lose momentum in the whole process.

3. I want to be able to go out to bars, clubs, and lounges and regularly be able to pull new girls there and then. This is something I've never, ever been good at, even when girls have thrown themselves at me.

4. I want to get better with women in general: in understanding them, in reading their signals, in being decisive with what they want and what I want. One of my biggest regrets in the past has been women throwing themselves at me, and putting up tons and tons of signals of their interest, only to be disappointed that I unwillingly ignored them because I was too slow to see what was really going on. I've walked away countless times and realized five minutes later "oh shit, she wanted to hook up,"...and it's a feeling I never want to have again.

5. I want to become a raw, confident, sexual man.

6. I want to apply my understanding, decisiveness, and control into other areas of my life.

---TUESDAY---

I headed into the city today to go to the gym and have a small coffee date with a girl I met about a month ago. I met her at a university alumni event, and immediately I recognized that she is probably innocent, seems very devout religious, and may be difficult to attain in the way I want. Nevertheless, I also deduced that any sort of date with her would be good practice for future women with whom I may take on the same coffee date.

I talked to three girls on my way there:

1. As I was leaving the train, among a huge crowd, one girl in a white shirt kept looking back my way. The first time we made eye contact; the second times she glanced my way but I looked down. As I got closer to her I touched her lightly on the elbow and commented that I liked her shoes, and asked where they were from. Her response was cold and confused; she didn't hear me the first time, and when I repeated myself she just said "thanks" and ignored me. We went in different directions and I told her to "have a nice day!" with a large smile on my face.'

2. A woman held a door open for me into the subway. I caught up with her and made brief small talk about her shoes. I think I waited too long to do this.


One issue that already comes to mind is my pre-opening. I think I need to work out the kinks in this process, as I am being either too forceful, or not assertive and smooth enough. I need to work on my consistency with my positioning, the length of my touch, and use the lingering touch (something I have not yet tried). With this, I will couple a sexy smile, and let her look at me first before I make the eye contact.


3. I went and got dinner at a burrito place, and the only seat open was next to a cute girl and her friend. I sat down and ate my burrito peacefully until I made a remark about her clothes, that I'd never seen anyone wear sweater arm warmers beneath a sweatshirt like she was. The girl was cute, then I noticed that she had a strong accent, so I immediately went to "oh, where are you all from?" Her friend, a guy, lived in the city, and she was visiting from Switzerland. I began mainly by engaging the guy first, then over time shifted the conversation more and more to her.

Long story short, we ended up in a conversation for twenty minutes, and I had her give me her email address so that we might coordinate meeting at some point in the future. I don't think this will ever happen, as she was leaving in two days. I suggested we do something the night after, but I have sent her an email and not heard back.

---COFFEE DATE---

I had a coffee date lined up with a very conservative, innocent, and religious girl I had met a while back. I had a feeling that she was all of these things just by the way she talked, and last night all my suspicions were confirmed: this girl has never had a boyfriend, seems to only want marriage and "the one," and has turned to God and Jesus because in high school she was lost, depressed, and kind of a social outcast.

Nevertheless, while I don't think this is going to go anywhere, nor am I really willing to invest a ton of time on this girl, I did manage to open her up more in two hours than she has opened up to people before, which she commented on:

- We discussed spirituality, and I had her open up about her past and deep dive into it to reveal what sources of frustrations she had that led her this way.

- I asked her about her goals, dreams, and what she aspires to be in her life. For her, a lot of it is serving God and her future husband.

- I asked her about her previous relationships, to which she said she had none, but that in the past and in college she had plenty of encounters with guys that liked her, and that she didn't realize did, to the dismay of both, the guy losing romantically and her losing a "friend." It seems this girl has never had anything physical, ever, nor does she seem too open to it.

- I asked her if she'd ever been on a date, and she said no. She said she thought sometimes she was hanging out as friends when it actually was a date in the other person's eyes. I asked her if she realized that we were on a date now, and she was surprised. I then told her that I'm not sure if she's my type, and then she gave a sigh of relief (bad move on my part?). I asked her why she did this, and she said "now we can be friends!" and I replied that I didn't know what she meant, because I never put people in boxes off the bat. I told her that in life you never know what's going to happen, and people and emotions change. She agreed.

- In the end, I got slightly more physical with my behavior, I managed a tight hug, but I still know that this isn't going anywhere. Practice is practice.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Thu Oct 10, 2013 6:35 am

Cold Approaches: 3
Warm Approaches: 4
Did I advance in my goals? Yes

---

I went into the city Wednesday for a meetup group. On the way I talked to one stranger on the train for 10 seconds, and also had a twenty minute conversation with a girl while in line for sandwiches for dinner. I got to know her a little bit, but when I needed to leave and asked for her number, I was rejected. Rejections are a good thing, in my mind, but I still don't fully believe that, and I'm still trying to get over the hump of not trying. On the subway I talked to one random stranger about her shoes.

One thing I'm beginning to work on is my posture. I feel that I will need to improve my fundamentals sufficiently to get more adept at the later stages. Anyway, they certainly can't hurt. At the meetup, of which one part is people assessing their judgements of others in the room, some people seemed to notice a sense of confidence and security around me: namely, some guys came up to me later and called me a sexy man. Others said that they sensed this fire beneath the surface waiting to come up, but that a part of me was also holding back in expressing it. Whatever, I'll take it!

I got one phone number here, and I suggested we meet Sunday. She said she's really busy, but will try and seemed sort of maybe interested. She was with a friend that she came with, so I wasn't able to take her out right then and there, but seems like a shy yet creative girl who might have a bit to learn about life.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Fri Oct 11, 2013 1:55 am

Cold Approaches: 1
Approaches at bars: 7
Did I advance in my goals? Sort of

---

Went into the city to meet a friend for dinner. Chatted with a girl I sat next to on the subway for a few minutes, my one cold approach. I spent most of today walking around tall with a great posture, and definitely saw a few girls hold eye contact with me on the street. And yet another man told me I'm good looking...not sure what this deal is.

A friend and I went bar hopping to test our game. I fell flat nearly every time...I run into problems transitioning the conversation, and while my friend has a very boisterous approach, loud and talkative, I tend to be more reserved and quieter, softer in my approaches. I blew out my game 4 of the 7 times I approached, and only made extended conversation with two women, of which one I did to keep my friend occupied with her friend so that he could get her number, which he did. I think a large part of the way I blew it out is in my approach and getting their initial focus, while moving a conversation along in a more meaningful way. Or perhaps the issue is that I am not yet screening out girls the right way. It could also be a choice of venue, as the main place we went tonight is a lounge girls go with their friends to grab a drink.

There came a point in the night where I started to feel very low and bad about myself, and in some ways going out to bars to do this does make me feel like utter shit, because I am getting no closer to where I was before. I am sure that affected my confidence in my later interactions.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Oct 15, 2013 3:19 pm

Cold Approaches Yesterday: 4

----

I had a cool experience Monday:

First off, i have definitely felt a little drained after the last week, with a lot of work and no discernable real results. On the other hand, I have been making progress, but a bit of the will to keep going was running low.

I took a train into the city, and on the way out, I noticed a very attractive girl, young and blond, and the opportunity was just there. She was walking and texting in this crowd, and I immediately approached by touching her lightly on the elbow.

Me: "Hey, I just wanted to say I really like your style."
Her: "oh, thanks!"
Me: "Are you in fashion?"
Her: "Actually, yes I am, I'm in school."
Me: "Oh, wow, what a coincidence! Where at?"
Her: "I go to FIT, I am in my second year."
Me: "that's great!" at this point the conversation had lasted about 20 seconds and I had a moment of doubt about what to say. "Well have a nice night"

I started to walk away, then told myself to say something, slowed down, and said: "Are you going anywhere interesting?"
Her: "Yeah just dinner with a friend."
Me: "It must be really far for you to live in Westchester and commute to school and friends."
Her: "yeah but I am moving into the city in November, to Lex and 33rd"

At this point I started to run out of things to say. In retrospect I should have found out how much time she had, changed my own plans which weren't really time sensitive, and see if she had time for a quick coffee before her dinner. Instead, we got caught up in some traffic, I missed the opportunity, and she said "Sorry, I have to go this way," to which I said "Have a nice day!" and walked off. The whole interaction probably took a minute, maybe less, but it seemed like it was actually going somewhere and her body language just felt...positive.

I don't know what to say. On one hand, I am a little upset that I botched what seems to me the most promising day game I have yet to do. On the other hand, I handled the opening well (comments guys?). My fundamentals were spot on, with good posture and strong eye contact. At a time where I felt like slowing down, I just went for it, and instinct took over, and then I hit a wall on a part I have not yet practiced. This was one of the best looking girls I have ever talked to.

I just need more practice. How much cold approaching should I aim for in a day or a week? Does anyone have a good regimen to follow?

----

Today I had a lunch date with a girl, and I am not sure if it's a just friends thing or not. I hope not. This girl has been so far not giving many signals of interest, but I did ask her if she's seeing someone and she said no. I haven't gotten too physical, but the times I touched her on the elbow sometimes made her jittery.

I've toned down how aggressive I am with touching since the weekend, because I got feedback on that.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby PrettyDecent » Tue Oct 15, 2013 4:04 pm

Ozz wrote:I don't know what to say. On one hand, I am a little upset that I botched what seems to me the most promising day game I have yet to do. On the other hand, I handled the opening well (comments guys?). My fundamentals were spot on, with good posture and strong eye contact.


Nice. The first line of the opener was authentic, and it opened well. And when you feel your fundamentals feel spot on like that, its a sign you started the approach on the right foot.

Ozz wrote:I started to walk away, then told myself to say something, slowed down, and said: "Are you going anywhere interesting?"
Her: "Yeah just dinner with a friend."
Me: "It must be really far for you to live in Westchester and commute to school and friends."
Her: "yeah but I am moving into the city in November, to Lex and 33rd"

At this point I started to run out of things to say. In retrospect I should have found out how much time she had, changed my own plans which weren't really time sensitive, and see if she had time for a quick coffee before her dinner.


Setting instant dates are tricky, and it needs to be when both people have a few hours of free time available. Lest it would ruin the intrigue and her view of you as a man who moves quickly (if you can't go for the close that night). Here, something like "Well, look. I think you're incredibly cute, and I'd love to get to know you a bit better, but I'm absolutely strapped for time. So how about this: I'll grab your number real quick, and then when we both have a free minute, I'll call you and we can grab a bite to eat later. Cool?" would have worked. And if your fundamentals were really kickin', then she'd agree, and if not, whatever. You've spent less than 2 minutes on the interaction :).

Ozz wrote:I just need more practice. How much cold approaching should I aim for in a day or a week? Does anyone have a good regimen to follow?


Chase recommends 4 days a week with 8 girls each. The Tool said he'd meet 2-6 new women a day, and did that for 3 months before his current LTR. Lots of different answers. I think it depends on A.) How socially uncalibrated you are (from what I can tell, you seem pretty socially attuned) and B.) How fast you want results. Whatever you decide on, make sure to do deliberate practice - as in taking out 2 or 3 things everytime you go out that you want to focus on specifically in an interaction. (i.e. Today I must: banter w/in 30 seconds of opener, work on posture while talking, and move her within 2 minutes of interaction).

That was a long winded response! I can tell you already know what you're doing, but hopefully that helps :)

~Nick
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Marty » Tue Oct 15, 2013 7:21 pm

Hey Nick:
PrettyDecent wrote:Here, something like "Well, look. I think you're incredibly cute, and I'd love to get to know you a bit better, but I'm absolutely strapped for time. So how about this: I'll grab your number real quick, and then when we both have a free minute, I'll call you and we can grab a bite to eat later. Cool?" would have worked.

Boy, do I love this! It's confident, charming, persuasive and smooth. Thank you for that tip and I will be sure to give it a road-test :-)

-Marty
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Oct 15, 2013 11:15 pm

PrettyDecent wrote:
Setting instant dates are tricky, and it needs to be when both people have a few hours of free time available. Lest it would ruin the intrigue and her view of you as a man who moves quickly (if you can't go for the close that night). Here, something like "Well, look. I think you're incredibly cute, and I'd love to get to know you a bit better, but I'm absolutely strapped for time. So how about this: I'll grab your number real quick, and then when we both have a free minute, I'll call you and we can grab a bite to eat later. Cool?" would have worked. And if your fundamentals were really kickin', then she'd agree, and if not, whatever. You've spent less than 2 minutes on the interaction :).

Ozz wrote:I just need more practice. How much cold approaching should I aim for in a day or a week? Does anyone have a good regimen to follow?


Chase recommends 4 days a week with 8 girls each. The Tool said he'd meet 2-6 new women a day, and did that for 3 months before his current LTR. Lots of different answers. I think it depends on A.) How socially uncalibrated you are (from what I can tell, you seem pretty socially attuned) and B.) How fast you want results. Whatever you decide on, make sure to do deliberate practice - as in taking out 2 or 3 things everytime you go out that you want to focus on specifically in an interaction. (i.e. Today I must: banter w/in 30 seconds of opener, work on posture while talking, and move her within 2 minutes of interaction).

That was a long winded response! I can tell you already know what you're doing, but hopefully that helps :)

~Nick

Nick...this is so helpful, and thank you for taking the time to break this down. I am sure a similar situation will happen again, and I am definitely going to steal this and memorize it for the playbook. At least until I get good enough to do it organically.

I actually don't feel that socially attuned. Typically I tend to attract girls but have never been good at seeing the signals and acting on them. It is also very difficult for me to think on my feet as quickly as seduction requires, which is being two or three steps ahead at every turn. I am tired of not knowing what to do. It is going to be a big mental push, but I certainly desire to work up to 8-10 a day four times a week.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Thu Oct 17, 2013 4:31 am

Cold Approaches Yesterday: 8

----

Based on feedback, and because I want to learn properly faster, I am going to set a target of eight cold approaches four times a week, and that includes any interactions that go over a minute and have some type of conversation. This is good for me right now while I focus more on my fundamentals. Needless to say, I think I am getting the posture down, and now I am focusing on deepening my voice, smiling all the time, and improving/holding my eye contact confidently.

To say the least, everything is working. I cannot believe what a difference just posture made, but now today when I started to add the smile and eye contact into the picture it really began to work wonders. I was traveling today from the East to West Coast, and will be on vacation for the next three weeks. All in all, I talked to eight women in different situations: 2 on the subway, 2 at the airport gate, 1 on my first flight (which doesn't count because she was much older, but I did practice conversation and eye contact), 2 at the gate where I was making a connection, 1 on my second flight, and 1 while waiting at the baggage claim.

I started today feeling very hesitant about doing anything. I just really, really didn't want to inside. Then I reread my goals and some articles on GC about forging through even when you don't feel like it, and I eventually convinced myself, "fuck it."

Memorable interactions:
1 girl at the first gate talked with me for 15-20 minutes, and I had her engaged. When I paused, she picked up the conversation. It seemed like she actually wanted to talk to me, and I still kept the majority of the focus on her. Deepening my voice and increasing my eye contact definitely worked, and she seemed to mirror my body language. Alas, she is married, and I don't feel at the comfort level to go that route juuuuust yet. But it was still good practice, and I definitely rolled on a good high after this.

1 girl at the next gate for my connection, I was just standing near her and started charging my phone, and just asked "going anywhere interesting?" without preopening. She immediately brought up that she's going to meet up with her boyfriend in another city, but anyway, whatever....I still got her very interested in me. I told her she looks like a creative type, what does she do? She said she's in fine arts, and I mentioned I could tell by the way she dressed. It was classy, but she said the same for me. Boom, I should have rewarded her, I don't yet know how to do this. I also asked her to show me her crazy nails, and definitely made her laugh and engaged. Again, I broke off the conversation twice, only to have her try and pick it up again.

This shit is working!!

FINALLY, the last one of the day. I walked down to the baggage claim. I made strong eye contact and a smile with a woman sitting down waiting, and she smiles back. I walk on. The bag claim didn't start moving, so I wait two minutes and slowly make my way back to where she was and sit RIGHT NEXT TO HER. It helps that even though she had three seats open, magically two people come at the same time and take the other two. I waited ten seconds, then did a preopen on her elbow, and said:

ME: "Did you go anywhere interesting?"
Her: "Yeah, Phoenix..."
ME: "Oh, what did you do there?"
HER: "I was there for business, but I live here [in this city]"
ME: "It must be fun to travel for work, what do you do?"
HER: "Sales."
ME: "Oh, cool. Well, I used to live here too, a while ago."
HER: "Where do you live now?"
ME: "[ANSWER]
HER: "Oh, I used to travel for work there too, at my last job. I had a place here, and there also."
ME: "I am a bit jealous, that sounds incredible. Why did you choose to stay here, though?"
HER: "I've always lived here, my company just gave me a place out there because I went so much."
ME: "Whoa....it sounds like you were living the dream! I can't believe you gave that up....I'm [Ozz], by the way...."
HER: "[NAME]"
ME: "Nice to meet you......"

I moved to random banter for a minute before she got a work call, which she did for two minutes while I hung out. Around this time the baggage on my flight started to come in. When she got off the phone, we bantered a bit about that call, then I say:

ME: "Well, [NAME], it was really great to meet you, but I should probably go get my bags so I don't keep my ride waiting. I'm around here for three weeks, why don't we hang out?" <I look at her straight in the eye and wait for a response>
HER: "...Sure, let's do that."
ME: "Cool," <I hand her my phone>
HER: "I still have my Michigan number, haha."
ME: "Is that where you're from? What city?"
HER: "Detroit"
ME: "No way! I would never have guessed. It's funny, I've actually really been meaning to go there for a music festival. Have you heard of DEMF?"
HER: "Isn't that the big electronic festival they have every year? <small giggle> I went there a long time ago and it was so fun."
ME: "Yeah, I've heard nothing but good things."
HER: "I'm usually really busy till Thursday afternoon, and I try to get everything done so that I have Friday afternoons off."
ME: "Cool, well I'm pretty busy, because I'm going to [ANOTHER CITY] next week too."
HER: "No way, I'll be going to [SAME CITY] next week!"
ME: "Haha, how funny. Well, let's touch base later...."
HER: "Sounds good <handshake> nice to meet you." <Handshake wasn't so smooth, A kiss on cheek would have been better, but whatever.>

So guys...now what? How and when should I calibrate a response? She definitely seems older, more established than me, and probably expects a guy to know what he's doing, so I definitely DO NOT want to risk telling my age. I think this will also be good practice.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Sun Oct 20, 2013 6:04 pm

I have been spending the last few days with family, so no outside work on meeting girls and game till Thursday probably.

The only progress to report is with this girl I met at the airport, with whom I've been texting.

on Thursday:
ME: "Hey there, [NAME]. Clients keeping you busy today? Just wanted to see what your schedule is like through the next week, thinking we should grab coffee =)."
HER: <immediate text reply> "Hey. Heading to a dinner now. I will look at my schedule in the morning. What area are you staying?"
ME: <twenty minutes later> "Sure, you do that =). If it's easier, we can do a call. I'm in [area A], you?"

No reply till the next afternoon, Friday, after 3.

HER: "I am here Monday and Tuesday. Not back until Friday. Then I am here the entire week after that. I live in [area B].
<I wait three hours before replying>
ME: "Ah, [area], cool...what is that like? Didn't you say you would be in [city C] next week? I'll be there 24th-31st.
ME: "I am not sure year about Mon/Tues, will let you know Sunday. We could try to meet up in [city C], or the week after in your area. What do you think?"

Saturday goes by with nothing, then she texts me this Sunday (today) morning:

HER: "Morning. I will be in [city C] Wed and Thursday. Let me know when you are back in town."

I am still trying to determine my next move. Is she being more direct and forward than I am assuming? Since I am with family, I only have a little bit of time outside them. I am wondering if I should call her and try to form a connection, or just wait a week and a half basically before reaching out again. We will be in the same [city C] for a night next week, and then I'll be back in her area for three nights.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:19 pm

Approaches since last entry: approximately 40.
One LR- (Thursday), one date with kissing (Friday morning), one night at a club with a 30 second pull and make-out, going back to her place but nothing further happening (Saturday night).

----

It’s been some time since my last journal entry. Quite a bit has happened. I was on a train on Thursday, and had an encounter with a girl I met on it. That story is here:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3725.



I also took a girl I met at the airport to coffee date on Friday morning. She happened to be traveling on business, so I had her come meet me for a morning coffee on Friday at 10am. I had her travel about an hour and a half to my area. In that situation, we discussed and talked about everything from her work, to her travels, to music we both like. I discovered that:

- She has been practicing ballet since she was 4 years old.
- She is in a sales business that she hates.
- She is from Canada but then moved to Michigan and later LA.
- She loves house music (as do I) and we spent quite some time talking about this.
- She is extremely adventurous, social, and loves traveling, but has not been outside of the country.
- A very extroverted, career minded and spontaneous type.
- She’s a lot older than me, by maybe a decade. This has pressed a conundrum for me, because I do not wish to tell her my age or last name for fear of her using it as a reason to not get together with me.
- She is extremely into fitness and exercise.

I gradually escalated my interaction with her as we sat next to each other on a couch, first by starting with light touching around her shoulders, then gradually amping it up to touching her elbows, then on her thighs or her legs, and in situations where she would want to show me something on her phone I got physically close to her and put my arm around her. Over time, I asked to see something on her hand, and used the situation to test whether or not she would try to pull it back. She didn’t and held it in place gently, so I took it and calmly clasped into it like we’re dating while maintaining conversation and eye contact. After 12:30, we left the coffee shop to take a stroll, and I used the opportunity to do a “push-pull” and kiss her in front of a cool building. Unfortunately she had to go back to LA at 1:00pm, driving, and there was nowhere for us to go and hook up besides in her car. I let it slide hoping there will be a more appropriate opportunity later on, because we have agreed to see each other again this week. At the same time, I realize I need to move faster.

It is possible that I destroyed the tension by kissing her at this time. She definitely seemed into it and reciprocated, but it is questionable to me whether or not she might want to see me again when I return to LA, or if she’ll even respond to messages. We agreed to meet by watching a movie at her place, and left it at “we can have some fun later.” Maybe this approach was far too direct?

Out of the blue as I was walking back to where I was staying, alone, two girls sitting at a coffee shop complimented my style, unexpectedly and without my own engagement. I guess looking sharp has its merits. I have been getting far more attention since actively working on fundamentals.



Saturday was another interesting day: I met quite a few girls at this conference I was attending during the day on some spiritual exercise. One thing I heard from some girls there was that I need to get out of my head, that I am kind of self absorbed. I cannot disagree, but like depression and negativity (which I am also working towards removing in my life) I think it will take some time to address. On the flip side, I did approach and connect with a number of girls, and it definitely was very healthy practice for getting phone numbers and learning about them…deep diving as well. One girl told me I seem to be very grounded and good at connecting with others. Good!

Saturday night I got to practice the weakest part of my skill, which is meeting and seducing girls in a nighttime club atmosphere. My friends and I got tickets to a Halloween boat party, and we had amazing costumes: suits with sesame street masks. We also had fun and maintained character (I was big bird). And overall, the idea was a huge winner. Girls kept approaching us all night wanting to take pictures with us, and naturally this gave us opportunities to talk to them. Here I got to see social momentum in action: my first few interactions were freaking terrible and I kept falling flat on my face. As the night went on I made the talks far wittier and shorter to compensate for the shorter attention spans. Nothing came of any of these though, I blew out a few times and at the end our group had four guys (myself included) and five girls walking to a bar to keep the night going. Three of them left when one of her friends freaked out, and the other two randomly ran into one of their parents and left with them. Oh well.

We move to a new club and it’s a little after 2:00am, to meet up with one of my friend’s two girl friends. Both were cute and single, I did not engage at all until I found myself next to them suddenly. I don’t know what happened, but suddenly I saw an opening to dance with one, I moved behind her and felt some connection. Then as we are dancing, I turned her around effortlessly, we made eye contact and I went in for a kiss, which she immediately reciprocated. This all happened in under a minute. Cool! I moved her around a few times and made out, but every time I tried to single her out to escalate she kept going back to her friends.

Then my game got messier and I started to bide my time. I didn’t move fast; I slowed everything down. This was a huge mistake in retrospect. Our whole party agrees to go back to this girl’s apartment to continue the night, and even though I am in the cab with her I cannot nor do I try hard to escalate. In her apartment she now has to manage guests, so I try loosely to get her alone in a room but not hard or directly enough. Once we were in a room for a few seconds as she gave me a tour, but I did not shut the door or anything. I am still making out with her but she puts up resistance and leaves to take care of guests. Over time my game starts to fall apart, and even though I am the last person to leave, she basically kicked me out. I spent far too much time with my friends and not alone with her, and the tension vanished. My friends left about ten minutes before I did, and in that time there was zero desire to go further on her part.

I hope that is a lesson learned – move fast and strike when the iron is hot.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:40 pm

Approaches since last entry: 10

The last few days have been a bit poor for me. I've gone from quite the high of having dates and experiences lined up to currently not much at all. I've also, perhaps due to overconfidence, not been as smooth in my overall technique and just generally much lazier. I have been approaching but lately it has been without a clear goal, more just to talk. It also happens that I've been getting side tracked a little socially by marijuana.

I had one date, an FR described here:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3769

I had another semi-date with an old friend I've been interested in for years. She is not currently single, but I rarely see her and this time I pretty much made her laugh her ass off. Unfortunately I brought my guy friend along, so it felt more like hanging out. This was silly.

The girl I met on the train, I didn't make effort to hang out with her again, but she seemed to live too far and would have meant me going two hours to see her.

The woman I met at LAX, I've been trying to get in touch with her and set things up, but she isn't getting back to me about her schedule even though I have told her mine. At this point I feel like I am chasing, yet I only have a day or two to make something happen before I leave. If she isn't getting back to me about when she's free, how should I approach setting something up with her?

The MJ really took the cake last night: My friend and I went to a club in Los Angeles, but smoked first, a huge mistake. This decision put me in quite the floating, confused, and de-motivated mindset. We got to this place far too late, around 12:15, and there are just dozens of girls floating around outside trying to get into this club, which is no longer letting people in. I would estimate the ratio was 3-4 girls to each guy, and nearly all were young and attractive. At this point it was 12:30, the line was too big for anyone to get in, and I was too high to talk with anyone properly. Rather than being lively and fun in halloween costumes, we were both quiet and generally spacey, which tended to freak out the girls that we talked to. I tried interacting with three, and none went anywhere.

Girl 1: Gave me an extended look and then started to walk right to my left, I engaged by pre-opening on the shoulder.
ME: What's your name?
HER: Karen <I use my hands to dominantly lead her to turning into me, and she reciprocated immediately. In short, she was alone and down to party it seems, but I am too high to take this interaction anywhere and lead her away>
ME: Karen, cool, this is the longest line ever. <Awkward break> Where are you coming from?
HER: Some party. <And she lost interest and walks away, despite showing a glimmer of interest before>

This happened a few more times. I started getting a little momentum at the third girl, but also was far too high to focus on keeping my fundamentals and really engage them. It actually felt a little like a month ago, when I had none of my fundamentals in progress. I was getting the same type of responses.

Anyway, that was a mistake. I went home disappointed, but I also realize I did this to myself.


Lessons:

- Regain and retain focus: no more substances or else I will get sidetracked.
- Stay focused on goals and the overall process, and do not let some success get into my head to the point of laziness.
- Stay vigilant and always focused on a particular goal to improve.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Nov 04, 2013 5:35 pm

I'm off vacation now, that was a whole load of fun. In about a week and a half I had:
- One encounter with a girl on a train that led to sexual activity but no intercourse.
- One date with some kissing, but diffused tension that went nowhere.
- One night at a club, with kissing, but nothing more.
- One date with a logistical mistake that correspondingly went nowhere.
- One big fuck up, where I successfully pulled a girl at a brewery and was in the car with her but then made mistakes. A full accounting here: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3823

Also, I engaged dozens of women in this time. I am not even sure how many, but it had to be at least 50 in all types of situations. Some went very well, and some went extremely poorly.

I've nearly undone my approach anxiety. It's still there a little bit, as I have to convince myself to approach sometimes, but at the same time I have my process down fairly well. This became apparent yesterday: after staying up all night I traveled back to the east coast, slept on both flights, and was still exhausted and just pooped out. People were giving me very strange looks and I had on a pretty terrible demeanor on my face of spacey-ness, tiredness, and not the cheerful aura I usually display.

I saw a cute girl waiting for her baggage at my claim; it took a minute to convince myself to go for it, but I did, and I actually walked away with her number two minutes later! She has not yet responded to me, as I think I came off pretty poorly looking that tired, nor did I function properly in that moment (I should have spent more time with her talking and conversed about the wrong things), but I'm still glad I am able to do it.

I've discovered a few areas that really need improvement as I move forward, my sticking points so to speak:
- Focus on the goal
- Use of chase framing and sexual framing to determine and establish her attraction during a date (currently nearly non-existent)
- Handling logistics
- Handling push back and being persistent in a subtle way
- Currently I think I am too aggressive at some times, which is intimidating and threatening.
- Handling texting and managing/keeping tension in my communication properly.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Nov 11, 2013 7:34 pm

Botched dates this week: 2
Total dates: 3
Approaches since last post: 20
Missed opportunities: 4

This was a very eventful weekend, to say the least. I pushed myself to try some new things and work on old ones, and a lot of unexpected opportunities came up. I missed most of these—one of my sticking points in this game, which is an issue I have had for as long as I can remember, is missing key hints and signals, and missing acting on the escalation window before it closes. It’s so frustrating to look back in hindsight and see clearly what she wanted, what I could have done, and what I didn’t do that caused the window to close and her to auto-reject.
Another big discovery is how I run dates – it seems that my dates are too interview-y, and again not enough light repartee, banter, and chase framing thrown in to lighten the connection and build the attraction.

Anyway, this post describes a whole lot of situations from this weekend, and I'm splitting it into two posts. For brevity’s sake, the important ones are “Girl 7”, Girl “N”, Girl “A”, and “Marie”

----

On Friday night, I invited some friends with me to go to a lounge in DC where some of my favorite DJ’s of this time happened to be playing that night. There were a total of five of us: me, my friend “M”, his friend and my acquaintance “N” who is a single girl, and one guy/girl couple. Girl “N” is an interesting type: very adventurous and sexually experienced (but hides it extremely well), and she likes to play along and “help” guys that she doesn’t think are that experienced in this art. I’ve always thought it’s just an act.

Anyway, I dressed as slick as I could. I had a feeling in my mind that there would be some very attractive women at this event. “N” even commented that I “looked great.” I’ve been getting that more these days, so I guess the look (especially the facial hair) is working.

Girl 1:
My friends “M” and “N” were asking me how I approach girls near the bar, and what my line is and what the best line is. I told them that the best line is no line, and suddenly Girl “N” was agreeing with me, and asking me to show her how it’s done by practicing on her so that she can “verify” how good it is. In my mind, I thought “wow, she is so silly and cute,” and I just happened to see a girl unoccupied holding two bags immediately to my left side. This is how I would introduce myself.

I practiced making some sexual frames here:
Me: “What brings you to this show? Is it the music?”
Her: “Haha, no, I came here after a fashion show. What about you?”
Me: “Yeah, I love this kind of music, its house and it’s more rhythmic than that other shit.”
Her: “Don’t you kids call it EDM these days?” <In retrospect, since she called me a kid, I should have challenged her on that, I think>
Me: “Well, yeah, that’s a whole different kind anyway and with its own feel ”
Her: “Yeah, when the beat stops and you hear the climax it feels really good”
Me: “…so you like climaxes?”
Her: “Haha, yeah I do!” (wink)
Me: “Cool, well, I really appreciate how <I deepen and slow my voice> deep and rhythmic and passionate this kind of music is…don’t you?”
…<She’s smiling>…
Me: “How did you get into it?”

Anyway, she was cool and we got to deep dive a bit, and she also was giving me heavy eye contact, smiles and winks, but I stopped talking to her when she got her drink and moved to her friends. This was a mistake, my first mistake tonight: I did not get her number or try to make new plans with her, or take her somewhere to talk a little more or even inquire what her plans later were. It was warm up, but she was cute and she seemed like she was down for something that night. Oops.

Girl 2 and Girl 3:
I got sidetracked with this one a little bit. I really wanted to engage Girl 2 (who is more of my desired look), but ended up talking with Girl 3 and number closing in the end. I approached by making heavy eye contact with Girl 2 and saying “Hey….I feel like I’ve met you before and I know you from somewhere…” which garnered interest and led us to introducing ourselves to each other, but definitely wasn’t direct enough in retrospect. She moved away eventually to talk to another one of her girl friends but leaving Girl 3 unoccupied, and with whom I conversed about a variety of topics for a while. We number closed but she seemed a little unsure about meeting up again due to the fact that we’re not living in the same city (relationship evaluation here?) Actually, more than anything else, she seemed skeptical.

Girl 4:
This was the best approach of the night. I pre-opened: She was standing with her friends facing away from my path of walking, so I approached at about her 4:00 and touched her lightly on the arm. I forgot what I said to her, but I opened directly and moved her away and out of people, and number closed after about 10 minutes. We had some interesting conversation, in that she wouldn’t give out her last name but was adamant that I share what I do with her; I only told her I am a designer, and that I wouldn’t tell her the rest until she told me her last name. She told me she’d tell me when we meet again, so I agreed and left it there. I attempted to get a schedule settled with her as well, but not to much avail at this time.

She did not want to continue talking to me much longer after trading information, and kept saying she had to go find her friends. What to do in this situation?

Unfortunately, I’ve reached out to her and have yet to hear anything. Boo…I will try again tomorrow and see what I can do.

Girl 5:
This girl was totally not into me and gave me a pretty hard time when I tried to push for us to hang out again. She kept saying it would never work because I live in a different city, and basically threw out every reason she could think of not to do anything. This behavior a month ago used to really phase me, but now I am quite okay with it after seeing that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Sometimes it’s just not worth the hassle, but I persisted and pushed, and failed, for the sake of practicing persistence.

Girl 6:
Started an approach, same as Girl 2, but this time she walked off and started talking to her friend. I said “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” and after we introduced ourselves she walked off.

It seems this opener is not ideal unless coupled with some form of direct, genuine interest. Actually, maybe genuine interest is just better. I will start using that more exclusively from now.

Girl 7:
Definitely the most interesting of the night, and the biggest missed opportunity. I pushed Girl 7 into auto-rejection later on in the night, as she was DEFINITELY feeling horny and wanted to do something sexual, but I could not pull her despite trying.

I noticed her ordering a drink all by herself at the bar, she had a really nice body and she was wearing a white dress in contrast to virtually everyone else wearing black at this lounge, so I slowly worked my way there and positioned myself to her right side. Then I pre-opened with the outside of my left hand touching her upper arm:

Me: “Hey, I really like your style, you wore white in a sea of people wearing black. It really stands out. What’s your name?”

We were sharing info and connecting, and it also helped (or in some ways didn’t help) that she was kind of drunk and thus hard to understand, but over time I realized I just met a model from LA. She started to show me her work on my phone, which was also a great opportunity to exchange contact info with her smoothly for use later. I think this took five minutes.

And as we continued to talk at the bar, her body started getting really close to me. Granted, I was using heavy touching and physical contact AND eye contact to establish myself as a dominant man, and clearly it was working very, VERY well. I used my left arm to pull her into my intimate zone, and she happily obliged as we were talking about her talents and aspirations. It felt like I could have kissed her at ANY minute, and that moment lasted for at least ten to fifteen minutes. I purposefully did not kiss, as I understand according to theory that this releases tension, and I wanted to keep it.

I tried to use a pull. Unfortunately my place was pretty far away, about half an hour, and I had to find a way to smoothly get her out there. As she was also a fashion designer, I suggested that we go back to her place so that she might show me her line of clothes and shoes, which I demonstrated an interest in:
“So, your stilettos are by your home, right? I’d like to see them, is it close-by?”
She laughed, and said that we’re not going by her place. I persisted and asked why not, and continued to ask about it. But nothing came out of it. Pulling is a problem for me, a sticking point.

****
I regret this in retrospect because the idea of going to a location such as the bathroom did not even occur to me! Certainly this failure has opened me up to this potential, because there was a window, I knew in some part of me that there WAS a window, and I tried pulling her home and stopped, and it didn’t even occur to me that I needed to make something happen THEN AND THERE! Shit!
****

I tried to get her over to the dance floor so we could dance. I moved her by leading with my hand in hers and leading by the arm, but she had a drink, and being already kind of tipsy she just started to spill it. Now I have to occupy her until she finishes, ugh. This took a good twenty minutes of slow sipping, and eventually I just stopped talking to her and waited…maybe not something to do. She sped up this time.

We danced and it was nice and sensual and close. She has a really nice body. This is where I should have DEFINITELY done something! Our connection was still intimate at this time and the window open, but in retrospect decreasing.

*Then randomly, out of the blue, she goes to the bathroom. She tells me she has to go, and I tell her that she can meet me back here. Maybe this was a signal or something to take her then and there. It did not occur to me yet again that I can take her to this location and escalate then and there.*

Now, this is also where the night got really interesting: unbeknownst to me, in the process of doing everything I was going, the single girl in my group, “N” who is an acquaintance of mine, was getting very jealous and was starting to show her own signs of interest. I totally missed this the whole night. But at the bar when I parted with Girl 7 for her to go to the bathroom (and then auto-reject), “N” came to talk to me and asked where she went. When I told her the bathroom, “N” FOLLOWS her to the bathroom! I didn’t even see this happen until I got water for “N” and went to find her to give it to her, only to see her talking to Girl 7.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was witnessing jealousy of my interactions, something that would bite me in the ass later in fact when I continued to miss such signals. I have no idea what “N” said to Girl 7, and it could have been bad. Who knows, but either way, in the future this is something to look out for and prevent.

When Girl “7” came back, I tried to pull her back on the dance floor but she kept saying that she needs to “go find her friend” and connect with her, some bullshit excuse. I half believed this, but as I don’t really know what auto-rejection behavior is, I was missing these indicators too. We parted ways having traded numbers already, but the only thing I could see after that was Girl “7” standing all by herself at the corner of the dance floor, just waiting. No “friend” ever came, and even when I tried to pull her in to dance again she refused over the same excuse. Definitely auto-rejection!

After Girl 7, things really ramped down for me. It was getting later, the place was starting to empty out and my friends were getting tired and wanted to go home. I was starting to lose the mood as well. It’s very true that the best time to meet girls is earlier in the night.

Girl 8, 9, 10:
Got nowhere with these.

----

The situation with Girl “N”:
I bought tickets for everyone for this show, we all met at my house and hung out there for an hour before going out to this place. I also asked them to pay me back, but "N" only had $10 for the $22 show, so I told her not to worry about it, we'll figure it out some time. Anyway, we all head to the lounge, and here is relevant info:

1030pm:
When we were walking to the lounge I point out to my guy friend a random girl walking with a guy on the street and what nice legs she had. “See that?...She has nice legs.” Girl "N" agrees (she likes giving her input on lots of things, on the car ride over we were all talking about the ideal boob size), and my guy friend disagrees because legs just don't do anything for him.

1100pm-0100am:
I approached and talked to quite a number of very attractive girls at this lounge. Many right in front of this girl "N". I wasn't trying to make her jealous, she just happened to be close by a number of times. In fact, one girl "7" that was really, really into me and who turned out to be a fashion designer and model, we were dancing and "7" really, really wanted to hook up with me. I think I pushed "7" into auto-rejection by not reading the signs correctly and taking her to the bathroom to escalate right there and then, but...girl "7" said she had to go to the bathroom. "7" and I split ways, she went to the bathroom, I went to the bar to talk with my guy friend. Moments later, "N" comes up to me and asks what happened with "7". I told her "7" went to the bathroom, then turn around to the bar. I grab water for "N" but notice that she's gone, and upon looking for her find out she ALSO went to the bathroom and is now talking to "7" in line! Why would she do this?

0140am:
Anyway, my guy friend later on decides he really wants to leave...he's tired...

0145am:
On the walk out, three of us are walking together and "N" remarks that it’s pretty cold out. I tell her that actually, I’m feeling pretty good right now, it’s not that bad. She instantly remarks: “Are you kidding? It’s so cold…look at my legs, can you see how cold they are?” <I replied that I couldn't tell, but I believe her.> Is/was she trying to drop me a hint here to check out her legs, because I referred to liking legs earlier in the night?

0145am:
On this walk she also says that Saturday is her "me" time, and that she just wants to spend time with herself.

0150-0215am:
On the ride back, she thanked me for driving us all, out of the blue, something she also did on the ride over.

0215am:
Outside when we are in front of my house, where her and my guy friend's car is parked, she thanks me for paying for her and says that she still owes me some money for the ticket. She asks how and when she can pay me back, and I reply that it's okay, she can pay me sometime and I don't know when that will be. <I was just being honest because I didn't know when I'd see her again>. She got offended by this statement and basically stammered something like "what do you mean you don't know when that will be!" as if she was upset that I would refuse to spend time with her or see her again. <does this mean she is intrigued?> I then told my group (now four, the guy from the couple came back with us) that I should take advantage of my house while my dad's still out of town and there's no one there, and that we should all hang out there tomorrow. Maybe watch a movie. Everyone, including "N", agreed <implying a change of her plans>, and then I bid "N" farewell and told her to drive home safe.

Later that night I realized that she may have been dropping hints to hang out, the two of us, or hell even take her home that same night since she was already right there at my place (Shit!).
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:10 am

I was out day gaming at the mall on Sunday. I initially wanted to go for three hours, from 3pm till closing at 6, but my own internal fear prevented me from doing this. I finally sucked it up at 4:30pm and forced myself to go out till closing. I got there at 4:45, and told myself I wouldn’t leave till 6.

It turned out to be a great decision. While I didn’t hit my target of 8 women on this outing and only made it to 6, I did the best approach I’ve ever done to date.

Girl 1:
This is more than likely going nowhere. I saw a girl hanging around texting on the phone against a railing in the mall, so I walked past her and approached from the side by commenting on how beautiful her hair is. She was taken aback, but also very, very nervous about talking to a complete stranger in the mall. It was surreal, and I felt a bit bad for what I was doing! We talked about what she does (student). I number closed, but this girl was so hesitant and scared about giving her number and setting up a time to meet, I knew from the get go that she wasn’t really that into me. It’s funny, I asked for her number, she refused to give it and said she’d take mine. When I gave her mine, she called me anyway so that I’d have hers. WTF? So then I try to schedule with her:

Me: “So why don’t we grab coffee sometime?”
Her: “I would, but I don’t live in this area and I barely come here.”
Me: “That’s okay, I have a car, I can come to DC and meet you.”
Her: “Yeah but I’m so busy all the time.”
Me: “Aren’t you in college? You must have free time in the evenings, right? How’s your schedule looking?”
Her: <something else about how she’s busy>
Me: “Well, we’re all busy. But you like coffee, right?”

Anyway, this continued for some time, then I ended it at “Well, it’s cool, we can figure out your schedule later. I’ll be in touch, have a nice day!” When we ended our convo, she did one of the fastest 360's I've seen and started walking the other way. Damn...I hope I don't come off THAT scary!


Ok, so now I have some momentum. Which I would lose soon after…

Girl 2:
This one was terrifying. Not the approach, but how it went down. I saw a girl with her arms crossed inside a store just looking and waiting. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to use some wit and banter. "Glad you're keeping a watchful eye on the public, I know they have a huge crime problem in American Eagle" to which she laughed and I introduced myself. I asked her what she's doing here, and she said that she's out shopping with HIM. (Oh, shit)...

And then right after that, I saw her boyfriend walking up to her. He was a mean, angry looking fellow, just one of those guys that gives off the vibe that he hates everyone and everything. Some people might call it “tough” and “macho,” but either way he just looked pissed off. And I was talking to his girl. Fuck. I immediately said “well, it’s nice to meet you!” and walked off! He stared me down as I walked off, and I made the mistake of looking back. I shouldn’t have done this, perhaps.

In the back of the store now, I turn to find that he’s walking up to me. We’re facing each other, and he walks right up to me into my personal space and says “What’s your problem, man?” I held my composure. I am taller than him, my posture was straight and powerful, I looked him right in the eyes with a subtle smile (same one I always keep) and said calmly and deeply “There is no problem.” He looked at me for two seconds, then remarked still pissed off, “I’ll kick your butt you son of a bitch!” and tried to push me as he walked off. His push didn’t cause me to budge at all, and I stood there still for a few seconds before walking the other way. His girl came running after him, “What are you doing? What happened?” I didn’t stick around to hear anything.

So girls like bad boys. I can see why, he probably gives her a very emotional experience. Not sure if it’s a good one, but who knows.

Lesson:
- Take self defense courses. This is a dangerous game!
- Check and wait for boyfriends.
This experience definitely got to my nerves, I was shaky and adrenaline affected, and had to spend the next ten minutes walking to get over this encounter and rebuild my confidence and attitude.

Girl 3:
Perhaps the best approach I have done to date. I’ve chronicled this as a field report instead, here:
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3951

Girl 4:
Rejected immediately. No contest!

...I'm starting to notice that there are only moms and teenage girls at this mall, and very, very few single attractive women. There was one girl whom I thought was REALLY cute and was walking all by herself, but for whatever reason I had a bout of anxiety and couldn't approach.

Girl 5:
Turned out to be in high school. Oops!

Girl 6:
This was unexpected. The time was 6pm and I was on my way out when I saw someone I knew, a girl among two of her girl friends. It’s an old friend of mine (she even told me “WOW! You look great!”), and as we’re catching up I see that one of her girl friends is cute! I break off from my friend and introduce myself to Girl 6 and the third girl. Girl 6 remarks “You stole her away from me when I was talking to her!” I reply “Yeah, you know I steal away people all the time, it just happens” and all three laugh. Anyway, I really wanted to get her number, but now Girl 6 is talking to the third one and I’m trying to maintain an increasingly awkward convo with my friend. Eventually I just give after a weird extended pause and say bye to all three. I walked towards the exit

I thought this was the end, but lo and behold, as I pause before the exit of the mall to check my phone, here comes Girl 6 walking my way!! Wow, what luck. She’s walking FAST, but I continue to engage her:

Me: “Oh look, it’s you again! You’re leaving?”
Her: “Yeah I’m off work now.” <Now she’s passed me and she’s walking out the door in front of me. She's still walking fast.>
Me: “Well hey listen, you seem cool and I’d like to get to know you better, why don’t we grab coffee sometime?”
Her: “Yeah, let’s do that, you can find me inside.”
Me: “What do you mean, you work here?”
Her: “Yeah, I work at [store], come find me.”
Me: “I’m afraid that’s not good enough, why don’t we trade info.” <Now she’s walked off way ahead, she’s like at least 30 feet out into the parking lot, but I’m holding up my phone and she looks back and sees it.>
Her: “Oh, you want my number? It’s….”
Me: “Come here for a minute.” <She walks over. Boom. I have her put in her number into my phone. She also checks it and MAKES SURE it’s correct! I had typed it wrong and she fixes the mistake.>
Me: “You’re in a big rush huh?”
Her: “Yeah I have to meet up with my girlfriend, she’s waiting for me and I’m late.”
Me: “So if you work here, what’s your schedule like this week? I mean when do you get off?”
Her: “I’m working Monday till 9 and Tuesday I work from 12 till 8.” <She starts walking off again>
Me: “So let’s get coffee after you get off on Tuesday.”
Her: “8 is too late for coffee, let’s do dinner!” <Oh, so that’s what you really want huh? This girl sounds difficult>
Me: “<I start laughing> Oh you think so? Maybe we’ll just get drinks then” <Now we’re yelling across the parking lot>
Her: “Okay!”

We've set up to meet on Wednesday. I'm intrigued.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby ocantu1987 » Wed Nov 13, 2013 4:28 pm

Man ozz hahah you have a ton of approaches under your belt :) I will be following your journal man, I feel i can learn from this.
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
-Winston Churchill
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Wed Nov 13, 2013 5:24 pm

One approach yesterday:

I was at the gym working out and noticed a cute, very fit older latina girl doing some lifting. She was wearing a very coordinated outfit of black and pink, from her shoes to her very tight top. She happened to move next to me in her set ten minutes later, so I took the opportunity of a break in her set and mine to approach her.

Me: "Hey, I really like your style, it's very fashionable."
Her: "Thanks." <Blank stare>
Me: "Yeah, it's really not often that at the gym you see someone coordinating their color patterns like you do." <She smiled and laughed a bit, then regained a very serious composure>
Me: "I'm [Ozz], by the way." <Hold out and shake her hand>
Her: "I'm [Rockvale]"
Me: "Nice to meet you, is this one of your big past times, or you're just here to work out?"
Her: "I just work out." <I lost track of what to say now>
Me: "Cool..."<Pause and she has a blank stare>"Well, I just had to say that, enjoy your workout!"
Her: "You too."

I did a lot of things wrong on this one:
- Approaching from her 9:00, it was extremely direct and very obvious what I was doing. I pre-opened with a touch on her arm but this doesn't matter because:
- I was facing her frontally before she turned to face me.
- My fundamentals were off because I just finished a set and was breathing hard. In other words, no smiling and difficulty talking.
- I lost track of what to say and froze when she wasn't responding fully warmly.
- I introduced myself first instead of having her introduce herself first.
- I didn't push to tell her that I think she's cute and that we should grab coffee.

Still glad I approached, but it was one giant pile of FAIL.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:49 pm

I just finished a drinks date with Girl 6 from my mall outing on Sunday, and I've failed yet again. Nothing came out of it, she wouldn't even entertain the idea of "let's let the night continue..." and I'm almost positive by her body language and actions at closing that I'll never in the slightest see her again.

I'll have a more detailed write-up after I get to it tonight, but still...it's so frustrating. It's painful and it's driving me nuts that I'm not good at something that plenty of guys around me seem to do almost effortlessly. It also feels like I am nowhere close to my goal. I know Rome Wasn't Built In A Day, but still...it's difficult to stay afloat mentally when you don't see progress or even a glimpse of success in the future, or something to look back on and say "wow, that was perfect, I did it perfectly and I got exactly what I wanted."

I guess I just feel a slight need to vent my frustration.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:04 am

Ozz wrote:I just finished a drinks date with Girl 6 from my mall outing on Sunday, and I've failed yet again. Nothing came out of it, she wouldn't even entertain the idea of "let's let the night continue..." and I'm almost positive by her body language and actions at closing that I'll never in the slightest see her again.

I'll have a more detailed write-up after I get to it tonight, but still...it's so frustrating. It's painful and it's driving me nuts that I'm not good at something that plenty of guys around me seem to do almost effortlessly. It also feels like I am nowhere close to my goal. I know Rome Wasn't Built In A Day, but still...it's difficult to stay afloat mentally when you don't see progress or even a glimpse of success in the future, or something to look back on and say "wow, that was perfect, I did it perfectly and I got exactly what I wanted."

I guess I just feel a slight need to vent my frustration.


---

update: Okay, this post was foolish, just outright silly. My apologies, I dealt with the end of this date in entirely the wrong way and can't let something like this cause frustration when it is fact a learning opportunity. Leaving this intact to remind myself that I should never be this negative again in the future.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Marty » Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:44 pm

Hey Ozz, I've been where you are now, more times than I can count on the fingers of both hands, since I started this program six months ago. It's a natural part of the learning process. And there's nothing wrong with sharing it here; the forum exists for us to help one another. You'll look back at this and laugh... all in good time! -Marty
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Sat Nov 16, 2013 2:04 pm

Thanks for the kind words Marty! Onwards and upwards!

Approached two girls are starbucks, one was a blowout and one was receptive to me.

A lot of approaches last night with a friend, probably at least 20 and playing around with different styles including street game at 9pm on a Friday, and a "college night" at a lounge in DC, used both indirect and direct approaches. It seems indirect approaches are easier on the street but more difficult to transition into them being interested. Did successfully move a group of three girls to a starbucks to hang out a little more, then found out two are college freshmen and one is a high school senior. That's a little young for me, gotta keep an eye out for that more in the future. Over time though, built up a good amount of social momentum. One of the goals here is to achieve state independence, and also practice maintaining fundamentals, which is something I struggled with a little bit last night. It's okay, with due time....

I didn't go for any numbers or dates this time, as I'd like to get more comfortable with moving girls around on the spot and making moves there and then, rather than deferring to a different meeting.

At the lounge we went to, I made friends with virtually all of the staff, and have to say this is an awesome feeling to do. They really seem to appreciate it most of the time, and it makes you look better at the venue when people know you by name.

----

I decided to record a conversation I had with a date, a Korean woman 9 years older than me, on Wednesday night, and I analyzed the first ten minutes. I recorded it because I think my conversation skills are a sticking point, I am still running them without intent. I was hoping to study these and pick up on styles to change, and it's on a list of things to do. But anyway, here's the transcribe of the first ten minutes:

AA = girl
BB = me
<nonverbals>
<<the other party speaking in convo>>

[When I was starting the recording she was talking about her work]
AA: Like you know, It can be something good. Because this company’s not really stable in the United States right now. Like you know, they’re not really like doing a lot of marketing…
BB: Uh huh… <inquisitive>
AA: So, umm…I said okay this is challenge for me but I like a good challenge so let’s do it and then he quit last week.
BB: Wow, okay…
AA: My CEO quit and after like six months I’m like what’s going on…
BB: Just out of the blue? <<YEAH…>> Like crazy, or…?
AA: Yeah he just left the company.
BB: He didn’t tell you anything?
AA: No
BB: Wow, what the hell…
AA: He sent me an email on that day last Friday. And he said “oh [Sami] I need this and I need this” I said I’m going to send it to him. Then I got a phone call from Denmark, and he was like…I couldn’t even talk to him because I don’t understand what they’re saying…
BB: <Laughing> Because you don’t speak Danish!
AA: Yeah, and they’re like…he sounds like they’re writing a…probably they write something and they try to read what they’re supposed to say. <<Yeah…>> And I was listening and listening and basically the contract is over. I said I don’t understand. Then he just sent me an email, and he doesn’t answer me what I’m saying because he doesn’t understand what I’m saying. And I was like…and then he say the contract is over so he left. I was like wow….that’s not professional.
BB: <interrupting her a bit> I know right? Like why would just do that and just put you on the spot unnecessarily.
AA: Yeah, I risk my business and then I came here and then all of a sudden this person just disappeared, and I was like…I don’t know, he used to be CEO of Cartier <<Yeah…>> and Bacardi, or…something…
BB: Yeah I’ve heard of Cartier, that’s the jewelry company right?
AA: Yeah so he was the CEO of this company so he is a really powerful person. So that’s why I follow him…so I think they’re gonna be something…you know, just start with the small small things maybe I can be something with him. And then just like…he emailed me two days ago, he was like “I’m sorry what happened, I had a reason.” But you know…
BB: He didn’t even tell you the reason after all that? Oh my God…
AA: No he didn’t even tell me the reason. So I dunno…whatever….
BB: Well, with all this stuff happening so fast are you happy with this same opportunity?
AA: I don’t miss anything, because basically what I’m doing in here I do everything by myself. And…the company never helps me out or anything, and I’m so used to doing that, so it’s okay. Like you know…I can do it. The things that…I lost my trust with the company. <<Yeah>> The next person the CEO she never hired me, I don’t know her, and I don’t know what’s gonna happen. Maybe I don’t like her style. And my old CEO, we’re so trusting of each other. Whatever I do, he just worships me, like “Sunny you’re the best you’re the best” and you know I like that here you know? But she doesn’t know anything I’m doing here, but he knows what I’m going through, because it’s not easy. I don’t think she’s experienced the mall retail, because I’m the only store manager in the United States. I don’t know what it’s gonna be.
BB: So in a way it’s a really unique experience for you, because you kind of get to drive your own way <<yeah>> and your own path <<yeah>>, right?
AA: I have to set up everything, from marketing <<wow…>> and this and this it’s a lot of work. And I don’t know if she has experience with this. I heard about her, she’s the CEO of Hanky Panky?
BB: Oh I think I’ve heard of them…wait, remind me what they make again?
AA: Hanky Panky, she’s in New York. She’s a really big…I dunno…
BB: Designer huh?
AA: Yeah, something big in New York but I’ve never met her and never talked to her, so I dunno…
BB: Haha, well I mean….
AA: <cuts me off> If it’s not working I have other options so…
BB: …if you’re going to be carving your own path right now or carving your own direction, where would you take it?
AA: …<says some stuff, can’t hear>……..When you’re doing something and you’re so good at it, nothing is interesting, it doesn’t challenge you, you’re never gonna mess up. You know what you’re doing…So I was like, start working out and I really like it a lot. So I started taking classes and stuff, so…I’m about to take a test right now.
BB: What kind of test are you taking?
AA: Oh, NASA, the personal trainer.
BB: Ok
AA: So basically that’s what I want to do eventually, but I don’t wanna take it as a full time job because I’ve loved doing it for so many years, and I’m afraid I’m going to lose the passion. <<Yeah>> I wanted to do it part time, so…unless I want to get out of retail and I can’t stand it.
BB: I mean if people are going to drop on you like a fly, then you can just go your own thing you know?
AA: I mean they can just do whatever it is that they wanna do <<hahaha>> but I need to be strong you know, so…
BB: But now you’re saying in a physical sense, if you wanna be a personal trainer.
AA: Yeah, that’s what I wanna do. That’s what I really, really wanna do.
BB: I think maybe you’ve just been watching way too much WWE, or something you know?
AA: <small laugh> Yeah, it’s definitely inspired me. I love sports. And I love to work out. I love to see the result in your body you know? And I love to hear people when I work out with them, like…wow, you worked out really good. Like I love to hear that. <<Yeah>> Like literally changing their life, it’s really what I’m going to change their life or what? I’m not gonna change their life but working out is like…
BB: Well, you’d be surprised at how many people say they wanna do it and then they just give up so easily, you know? <<Work out?>> Like “I don’t wanna put in all the work to get what I want,” or “I don’t have the right goals, you know…
AA: Oh I’m stubborn. I’m a tourist, I never give up.
BB: Exactly!
AA: I never give up! <laughing>
BB: And you shouldn’t give up, because <<yeah>>…you can’t achieve the results until you put in all the hard work
AA: And that’s what’s fun about it. You have to challenge yourself even though it’s hard but you know you have to…do it. I know….that’s why I’m like this was my hobby to go to the gym and let all of my stress out <<mmmm…>> and then I started to study it…
BB: From all the business problems that you had…
AA: Yeah, and then I go to the gym at night time and I just wanna work out and know everything what I’m doing, because it’s really interesting and I see people now, how their posture like, you know, there’s a lot of…amazing, like body builders and like<<yeah>> this is like, you know, and then there’s um…once you get into it, you can do so much, like a lot of different ways you can, you know, find out.
BB: Actually now that you mention it, your posture’s not bad.
AA: No…no, my posture’s really good.
BB: Exactly…so far… <she laughs slightly>
AA: Yeah
BB: Because you consciously did all the work to focus on that in your life.
AA: Because I have a good balance, and stabilization. And so my body says I can.
BB: Now are you saying that in a literal way or in a metaphysical way?
AA: Hahaha yeah, I mean that’s the key. You have to have the strength. I dunno, that’s why I want to show people, there are like a lot of people that want to do it for diet, or they want to lose weight. And this and that, I mean its not the whole idea but it’s about changing your lifestyle. It can’t be just one time and you just go and work out
BB: That’s what I mean! You see so many people that do it for a little while…
AA: And then they just give up
BB: And then they just quit! <<yeah, yeah>> They’re like, this is too hard, I’m not seeing results, and then they quit.
AA: Yeah, atleast like, let’s say you work out five days, you will notice yourself in three weeks, and after a month or two people’s gonna notice. It takes at least three months.
BB: Yeah…
AA: But you have to work out really hard, eat the right food and this and this. But it’s possible, but here in the United States everything is so convenient it makes people lazy.
BB: Yeah, in a way. Because you have your car and your tv and do nothing all day, but it also takes effort to do these things you want to accomplish. <<yeah…>> But what is the moment in your life where you realized that this is the way you want to push yourself?
AA: Oh, since in elementary I was a runner. I lost for a second and then I always liked to run.
BB: Ah…ha….so you mean like a track runner?
AA: Yeah, a track runner. Also I did marathons, anything that’s run I just love it. I love the feeling. <<yeah>> Because after you finish you feel like you did something. That’s how I feel every time I run a marathon.
BB: Or even after you work out or something like that, right? <<yeah, yeah>> Because when you’re lifting <<because when you finish>> this is the hardest thing in the world and I have to push myself, but I can’t do it. <<And once you finish>> And when you finish…
AA: Yeah, so…you can make your own goal what are you gonna do next time <clears throat> And then there’s so many exercises you can do, you can try do this and you can try to do that. And you can be going every day and it can be fun <<yeah>> once you start working out… So you work out?
BB: I work out too, yeah.
AA: What do you do?
BB: Um, I do a lot of lifting.
AA: Oh you do?
BB: Yeah, I guess that’s what you do too right?
AA: Yeah, that’s what I do.
BB: That’s such a unique thing to do. You know, a lot of women don’t put their…effort into that, it’s just like I’m gonna run and stay skinny.
AA: Yeah female doesn’t do that.
BB: No, it’s a good thing! It’s awesome to see because it’s like the same goal that I have…like a lot of guys don’t put enough effort into running or staying fit or running marathons and that stuff…
AA: Yeah…
<Pause>
BB: Well tell me, since you said you’ve played a lot of sports, what’s one sport that’s really stuck out in your mind? That you enjoy playing the most….
AA: Run
BB: Just running?
AA: Yeah….Run, or run. Or…OH, tennis too. I used to play tennis too I used to play with my dad.
BB: It seems like a family thing like your siblings enjoy it too..
AA: Yeah, and then I also want to learn actually golf. Because a lot of Korean friends like ask me to go golfing, so I say “maybe yes” <<hahah>>
BB: Yeah actually my Korean friend Chris he also plays a lot of golf too. It seems like a good way to network in your business you know?
AA: Social, yeah, more like social, yeah….
BB: Well, I’ll tell you that I used to do cross country a while back, and…I was just amazed at the kind of peace of mind it puts yourself in. <<yeah>> Is that the kind of thing that you experience when you’re running?
AA : Yeah, yeah…um…you don’t think about anything when you do it. You just focus on your goal, like…you know, how many miles am I gonna run today. And once you finish then you…
BB: Then you’re on to the next thing?
AA: I feel like it’s my whole day where I did something productive, I dunno, that’s just me because it’s my lifestyle. Some people don’t know that they’re working out, it’s just working out, it’s just too much of a, you know, effort.
BB: You seem like you live your life pretty fast. I’d say a lot of people in this area live their life pretty slow.
AA: Here, in Maryland? In Rockville?
….
AA: I used to live in Seoul. So compared to the big city so yeah, but compared to the big city. I used to live in Baltimore.
BB: Wait, so it sounds like you’ve lived in a lot of different places in your life.
...
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Nov 18, 2013 2:36 pm

About 10 approaches yesterday in the mall in the span of an hour, did it with a friend and we watched each other and critiqued our process. My goal this time wasn't to get any numbers, but instead just talk to girls and work on my humor and framing, and ALSO get comfortable with asking "are you single?" as there is no reason I should be afraid of this. I realize I am not keeping up as hard with my fundamentals now and keep losing focus on these when approaching, so thus missing out in critical opportunities in the way that I come off with girls.

I have to keep my posture straight and my shoulders back.
I have to maintain a smile with strong eye contact.
I have to have a deep and resonant voice. This was by far the biggest problem: I noticed on frequent approaches I raised the pitch of my voice to make it sound less deep and manly. Whenever I did that, I didn't get anywhere.

Approaching girls in a mall is hard, though. It seems a great many do keep their walls up to men in this environment. Perhaps not super ideal as a place to meet girls, despite there being many of them around.

I had a LR- this past Saturday, I will be writing and posting that soon.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby ocantu1987 » Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:32 am

Ozz wrote:About 10 approaches yesterday in the mall in the span of an hour, did it with a friend and we watched each other and critiqued our process. My goal this time wasn't to get any numbers, but instead just talk to girls and work on my humor and framing, and ALSO get comfortable with asking "are you single?" as there is no reason I should be afraid of this. I realize I am not keeping up as hard with my fundamentals now and keep losing focus on these when approaching, so thus missing out in critical opportunities in the way that I come off with girls.

I have to keep my posture straight and my shoulders back.
I have to maintain a smile with strong eye contact.
I have to have a deep and resonant voice. This was by far the biggest problem: I noticed on frequent approaches I raised the pitch of my voice to make it sound less deep and manly. Whenever I did that, I didn't get anywhere.

Approaching girls in a mall is hard, though. It seems a great many do keep their walls up to men in this environment. Perhaps not super ideal as a place to meet girls, despite there being many of them around.

I had a LR- this past Saturday, I will be writing and posting that soon.


ozz your an approach machine haha well done. I have used the "are you single" line several times now and can say that every girl answered me strait, just like any other question (so nothing to worry about) I don't start a conversation with "are you single" instead I talk about other things here and there then I ask, they always reply politely. I am making it a part of my game to always ask this question since I hate girls with boyfriends, I don't want to deal with so much difficulty, so i cast them out when they are in a relationship. I hate malls too haha girls are less open, but I am thinking of trying it out myself again (mall game)
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Thu Nov 21, 2013 12:38 pm

ocantu1987 wrote:I don't start a conversation with "are you single" instead I talk about other things here and there then I ask, they always reply politely. I am making it a part of my game to always ask this question since I hate girls with boyfriends, I don't want to deal with so much difficulty, so i cast them out when they are in a relationship.


Yeah I don't think it's good to start off on, but sometimes good to interject in especially so you're not wasting you time if she's just playing you: making it seem that she's interested when she really just wants some attention. I've had that happen a few times.

On the other hand, some girls with boyfriends would probably still sleep with you in the right circumstances, and some girls may even say they have one when they actually don't, a way of ending the interaction, so there must be a better way methinks.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Ryan » Fri Nov 22, 2013 2:02 am

Didn't know you were only a few months into this/a beginner like me. It doesn't show in what you write- you give out such good advice, i thought you had years of experience :/
i'm impressed with your high rate of approaches (i generally never do more than 6) and you're doing 10 some days. Keep it up! Sounds like everything is progressing great so far :)
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Fri Nov 22, 2013 2:19 am

ryan wrote:Didn't know you were only a few months into this/a beginner like me. It doesn't show in what you write- you give out such good advice, i thought you had years of experience :/
i'm impressed with your high rate of approaches (i generally never do more than 6) and you're doing 10 some days. Keep it up! Sounds like everything is progressing great so far :)


Thanks, Ryan. Yeah, it's only been about two months since seriously buckling down to follow and truly learn the process on GC, so I'm definitely a n00b; I've been actively trying to improve myself with girls for almost two years now and was using someone in my family as a coach back then (whose overall process coincidentally matched a lot of what's on this website, what really sold me). I've had my share of big screw ups in the last five years. I think it helped give perspective on some things =).

Still LOTS to learn, I think the only things I feel really comfortable in is approaching, getting numbers/texting for dates, and to a degree intimacy; the way I am running dates, building attraction, etc is still poor.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Sat Nov 23, 2013 5:58 pm

I've been taking a break from approaching in the last week or so, as I feel I've reached a point where studying more and learning new material to apply is essential. But even with that in mind, I still feel a NEED to approach whenever I am outside. I can't really describe it, I just want to, it's like I release something in my body and I crave it after I get over the initial fear.

On the flipside, in the last few approaches I have done, while I have gotten numbers I am not able to set up dates, nor are they responsive to these texts. This means there is some kind of lack of balance in the way I am approaching and presenting myself, and I need to get to the bottom of it.

In the last week I have approached only about ten women, and nearly all of them were when I didn't intend to but the situation felt appropriate. Notable ones:

Starbucks on Tuesday:
I'm sitting there working and studying GC, when I look around and make eye contact with a cute girl across the coffee shop. She smiled back at my smile, then turned to look at her laptop and soon after she moved near where I was sitting, directly in my line of sight. I didn't hesitate - she was wearing purple pants and I immediately went to her table and pre-opened her and told her that I noticed her style and really like how refreshing it is. She thanked me, and then I asked if I could sit with her for a bit. She moved her back out of the seat closest to her and we talked for a little while. Unfortunately I had plans already to leave the area in about three hours, and also had to go home and pack before heading to catch a bus. Now, I COULD HAVE delayed my plans as I hadn't even booked anything yet, but mainly I just WANTED to get to my destination by a certain time. Thus, it's questionable to me that I deferred. This girl was just at starbucks doing homework, and in about 15 minutes we got to deep dive about her travels, where she's from and where she's lived, what she studies (public health) and why that inspires her. All in all I got a good amount of attention from her but cut it short. I told her we should meet for coffee and grabbed her number, but haven't heard back.

I should have:
- Taken her out for a walk outside as a way of her taking a break, but in reality it would have been a good compliance test and way for her to feel more connected to me before I left.
- I could have potentially delayed my plans and spent more time with her.

On a train on Thursday:
I'm sitting on a train minding my own business, when as it stops at a midway station a cute girl gets on while chatting loudly on her cell phone. She picks a seat in the row right in front of me, but as she gets in our eyes meet and we HOLD EYE CONTACT for about four seconds while she's on the phone. At this point my blank expression spread into a warm smile. Anyway, I didn't feel like talking to her at all, but then I remembered that GC says to approach and do things even when you don't feel like it, for the sake of not being lazy and making excuses. So later on where she turned to get something from her bag I looked at her over the seat and did my approach: "Hey, I noticed earlier that you were noticing me, and I thought that we should meet. What's your name?" Anyway, we talk a little bit about where she has lived and such, and what she does and what inspired her to live in my city. She cut it short because she said she wanted to put on make up on the train before going out with friends, so I told her no problem, I'd like to get to know her better and that we should get coffee sometime. She says she has a boyfriend, I tell her "who says I was looking for a girlfriend?" Then I hand my phone through the seat, and she looks me for a second and asks me "is it okay that I have a boyfriend?" I look at her with a poker face and tell her that I'd like to get to know her better, but if she wants we can just remain strangers on a train. She looks at me blankly and after a pause I tell her to hand me back the phone, then as she gives it back she says "okay what the hell" and starts putting it in, but then changes her mind and said she'll just give me her card and I should email her. I accept and wish her a good ride, emailing her on route.

I should have:
- Taken a little more time to get her number anyway.
- Not worried about her boyfriend.

Today on the street:
Notice a cute girl on the street, probably a few years older than me. She's stylish and has nice hair, looks like some kind of asian mix. I thought she was cute but didn't want to approach, and I'm with my cousin and his family. Anyway, somehow in about five minutes I keep running into her on this street, even after turning onto a different street. On the fourth time I decide "fuck it" and went for it: "Hey, I noticed you, and I just HAD to tell you that I really like your style." "Haha, thanks." "No I mean that, you're wearing a patterned beige jacket in a city that just loves wearing black all the time. It's a good look." Anyway, I start the process of finding out more about her: a real estate agent who has just moved to a new apartment nearby and is just going to shop for bathroom supplies. I ask her about all the trouble she's going to cause at Home Depot and she laughed. We chat on the street for five minutes, at an intersection where we have to go opposite directions. I tell her I'd like to get to know her better and we should get coffee, she says yes but also says she'll get my number rather than giving hers. I tell her I bet she doesn't give out her number, she laughed and said no. Then I told her "Yeah, normally you don't give out your number...but today you will." She laughed, and after another minute of talking she did. A few more minutes of conversation: we agree to meet after Thanksgiving and after each sharing our ethnicity.

I should have:
- Found out what she's doing later after going to Home Depot.
- Tried to get her to meet me for coffee after both of us had finished doing whatever, as I had to get lunch with my family but was free for three hours after that.
- She seemed like she wasn't doing much, I probably could have done something with that...like freaking taken her HOME after coffee! ARRGGGHH...


Lessons:
- I really, really need to get better at thinking and making decisions ON THE FLY. If there is one huge skill I wish to learn from this journey, it is how to do that in order to maximize the results in dating and life that I want.
- I must, MUST follow process.

----

Trying to write this as a FR, but I went on a date Wednesday and had a girl that wanted to come home with me. Except I live far away and logistics became an issue. After reading the articles on frames it has helped me a lot, and I ran this date smoothly and she told me straight up she would have gone home with me that night had I not been living an hour away (and two hours from her own house, where she had to be because she lives with her parents). And it's cold outside, so outdoors is impossible right now, shit.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Sun Nov 24, 2013 12:28 pm

Oh man, last night was perhaps the roughest night out for meeting women I've ever had. It reminded me exactly of when I was first starting out and nothing was working, and even though I've come a ways since then in my process and understanding, this night was just rough and I left it feeling like I had been run over by a steamroller five times over, chewed and spit out. It was extremely difficult to stay upbeat and positive after all this though I tried HARD to stop negative thoughts and stay positive, so maybe this is a mindset issue.

I went out to a Beer Garden for about two hours from about 10:00pm till around 12:15am in the morning; at 12:15 I decided I had had enough and just wanted to go home. I've never felt so on the verge of giving up, but state control and independence, as well as permanently getting over my long time depression, are journeys I have only recently begun in the context of my life and am getting better acquainted with.

I talked to between 10 and 12 women last night, and lost count somewhere in there because I was clearly just out of the correct mindset, and would forget things as simple as a name only moments after she told me. I think part of the reason this was happening is because I was extremely hesitant going on: at around 7 or 8pm I really just wasn't feeling like going out and while trying to really get myself into the proper mindset subconsciously I just didn't want to do it. I went ahead and did it anyway but those earlier thoughts probably masked every single facial expression, body language, and word coming out of my mouth. Out of those interactions I was only able to leave with one phone number. It's doubtful I'll hear from her, but we'll see.

Also a focus of practice was being wittier, funnier, and playing with frames (me as being nonjudgmental and open)

So anyway onto some interactions:

Standing around the beer garden just hanging out and scanning the room, talking with a friend or two once in a while. Yup, in retrospect never a good thing to do, better to seem busy. I should practice peripheral vision more.

First girl was very, very open to my approach as I told her I loved her unique jacket and we got to talking about her style and where she's from, but then out of nowhere comes the boyfriend about five minutes later. This type of situation happened numerous times. She keeps wanting to talk to me though, but now her boyfriend is also there and I have to include him in everything while staying upbeat and positive. They walked away soon enough.

Second interaction was two sisters from England. I could never get this going despite them being warm on my approach, I couldn't understand what they were saying half the time! I made a joke about how it would never work out between us, which got laughs but definitely couldn't get going on the HOOK: what they do (which she told me but I didn't know what to do with it) and why she's here/where she lives/what she does for fun. And to make it worse I forgot their names. I went back to my wall.

A weird moment happened at one point where a cute petite girl was walking by with her friend arm in arm, and made STRONG eye contact and HELD it as she's moving past for about three or four seconds and grabbed MY hand as she was walking by and held it as if she was going to kiss it and held that as well. Goddamn, I don't KNOW why I didn't do anything to follow her or pull her into me to talk, I guess this is the part where it's being out of state and things just aren't automatic and natural. I didn't see her again that night.

Third interaction was a total bust from the get go.

And here I began practicing approaching girls sitting down:

Girl four was in a group of four girls who all turned out to be married and visiting from out of town. She seemed into it but I didn't push at all, why I am not sure. I should have maybe tried to isolate her.

Girl five and six...ah, this one was interesting and weird. Two girls sitting at the bar looking like they're having the time of their life. I approach by tapping one and telling her that I'd really like to have whatever they're having since it looks like they're having so much fun. Girl five here was being very difficult, and wouldn't tell me her name (she said it's "izquierda derecha"...hahaha) and then made up some story about how they're twin sisters (when they look nothing alike). I caught onto this and tried to be humorous on my own but clearly this needs work. Girl six on the other hand was a sweetheart on the other hand. At some points they both left to go to the bathroom leaving me to talk with each of them at a time. Girl six was first (and I forgot her name already, the theme of the night), and we talked a lot about her hometown and her crazy friend, and found out she's a nurse. All in all good, but things changed when her friend came back and Girl six went to the bathroom. Now I was just dealing with a crazy woman, who kept making fun of me non-stop and kept trying to take a picture of me to send to her friend so that "we can get married," because apparently that's all we like to do. I guess she had a lot of preconceptions about me off the bat here, and I never got into a zone where I could playfully and tastefully make fun of her back. My responses in combative situations aren't tasteful, I guess I need to work on that. Eventually I just left, I was blown out at this point.

Girl seven went pretty well compared to everyone else that night, I ended up getting her number. She was sitting down and I told her that she had the best hairstyle I've seen all day, then asked her name and what she's doing here. Hers was Jessica, and it turned out all her friends, two girls and one guy) who were at the table with her, their names also started with a J. I joked that she only must be friends with people whose names start with a J, and we spent a bunch of time joking over her home state and asking her about all the trouble she's been causing there. I grounded myself by kneeling on the floor as their was no room on this table, but either way despite my own moments of extreme awkwardness and inability to flow conversation well, she seemed to be having a reasonably good time. I left at some point and came back ten minutes later telling her to come to the bar with me for a minute so that we can get to know each other more, but at this point she was done with her drink and they were all about to leave for another place. I then took out my phone and had her give me her number, saying I'd like to get to know her better after thanksgiving.

There were a bunch of meetings (girls 8 and 9) after this that went nowhere. And accidentally, I also reapproached the girls from the third interaction, this went terribly as now it seemed like I was just spitting out lines and they were ALL making fun of me, like seven girls pointing at me. Hahaha, man, if there's a way to come off as not smooth, this was it. I tried to make the most of it but eventually left, only to later see someone better than me grab that same girl's phone number after talking with her for half an hour.

Girl ten, sat down with her and talked for a while. She was tough to talk with as I. I had some stupid comments in this interaction, when I once said that I'm a good bullshitter and she was really taken aback, because evidently she's an honest girl. Asked her a lot about her trouble, but this was tough. We talked for a good half hour or so when things really started to die down. I guessed that she's from Polynesia and the Equator (a total joke) when she was really middle eastern, which I thought was funny but she wasn't having it so much. I went for a number but she said no, outright, because she's "seeing someone." I asked her for feedback in the end and she told me I was pretty good at keeping the conversation going, but the bullshit phrase really was weird.

Girl eleven, really cute girl and my type, strong eye contact with her group of friends. We're getting along just fine until fifteen minutes later it turns out her boyfriend is sitting at the next table, and she got up to go sit with him. Damn, better to find this out earlier than later.

Girl twelve, from abroad and very young, visiting for a few months to learn English. Couldn't move her or anything, she just walked away. And then I was done....



Conclusion: In the end I think I came off as a try hard, with "lines" and not smooth or natural. State and mental health matters.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Nov 25, 2013 2:58 am

Quick post before bed:

Went to a meetup, which actually deals with sexual expression and thus has a lot of open minded women. Talked to a good eight or so girls tonight, set up two dates after the holidays as I'm traveling for a while, got about four or five numbers to connect with later on. One of the numbers happened after giving a woman "A" a massage after the meetup: she just melted into the seat after like ten minutes and this attracted immediately the attention of other women around me. One specifically came over to talk and wanted to hang out more just because of this, but not tonight as she just came in from out of town, so we've set up plans to meet over coffee in two weeks <hmm, could I have pushed to go to her place with her? Maybe I should have tried...>. Another girl in this group flaked on me over the weekend by not responding to a text, but when she saw me at this meetup again she seemed much warmer and kissed me on the cheek with a tighter hug before leaving. All in all these two seem like promising prospects.

Later in the night, "A" and I are leaving, when we see a guy leave with two girls and just invites everyone out to a bar with him. Well, only "A" and I followed, so now it's five of us chilling over drinks. I pretty much have "A" handled because I came with her, and gave her a great massage, and I can see she's into me. Meanwhile, the other guy has one girl "B" totally into him and her friend "C" is pretty into him as well but seems to be the odd one out. Maybe the guy was vying for a threesome. Somewhere in this night the dynamic shifted with me talking to "C" sitting to my right and we're in a pretty intense conversation, and "A" and "B" talking while "B" is slowly massaging the other guy's leg while he's listening to "C" and I talk. I hope that's somewhat clear but this was a bizarro situation. The other guy has the X Factor...he is just like a magnet for women, he's tall and he's funny and seems completely comfortable in his skin, while also having the appeal of "B" and they clearly seem like lovers. He'd been attracting women allllll night long. "C" seems to also have a thing for this guy but at the same time her and I are engaged in a good conversation. I dropped quite a few chase and sexual frames as, by nature of this group, we're talking about sexual expression.

The conversation with "C" happened as we drifted into talking about drinks, to where we're from, to our travels, to more about this meetup. At some point the other guy chimed in and now the three of us are talking, which didn't help my case much as he's just better and more natural at this than I am, while I'm still learning. "C" seemed to be more intent on listening to him than me, but he body language was more poised to my direction. I was chasing for her attention at this point and felt like the guy was competition. At some point "A" had to leave and I kissed her goodbye outside. Supposed to see her tomorrow for said meetup.

Some key sexual frames:

"C" says something about her friend coming somewhere to meet her..."you just can't help yourself, can you?"
"C" says something about something blowing up..."well, there goes your mind thinking like that again, like we said before I guess you just can't help it."

I ask where "C" lives, and she lives alone. She shows me a pic of her view, and I tell her that now that she's shown me I just HAVE to see it, because it's amazing. Later, as it's a cold night, I suggest a massage on the spot, she says "here?", to which I say "well, we don't have to do it here....and you just have to show me your place" and she thinks about it while laughing and replies that she's not sure because she has an early morning tomorrow. I tell her I have to wake up earlier than her, then do a yes ladder: "Aren't you having a good time tonight? (yes)...and don't you think the night's too young to end? (yes)...then maybe we should let it continue, don't you think? (no, I think tonight I really want to be well rested)...then I guess I'll just have to get to know you better over a coffee sometime. What do you think?" She first politely declines and implies that while I'm great to connect with she doesn't really beyond that way to me. I convince her to go with me after some persistence but she also butts in "just for coffee and nothing else" once. It's getting close to the point where we all want to leave, and it seems that the guy, "B" and "C" are all headed in the same direction, while I am not.

I noticed a very strong difference in body language between me and "C", and the guy and "B": the former felt friendly and distant, while the latter they were hugging...no actually, the GIRL was ALL OVER the guy and he wasn't doing anything, she was doing all the work. At this point it really hit me what "law of least effort" is and also that I'm freaking chasing after "C" and she knows it, and I've put myself in this hole with her and I'm not sure what I can do. All I could do with "C" was a tight hug, and even then she did it around my upper back and not near my waist. Meanwhile, I don't know what this other guy is doing, in fact he is doing NOTHING and "B" is still ALL OVER him.

We walk outside towards the subway and this is EVEN more clear to me now..."B" is arms in with the guy with his hands in his own pockets; "C" is walking next to me but we're six inches to a foot apart and it's just friendly. Ugh. As we part ways at the subway, the three of them taking the same line, I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek and she actually grabbed my hands here and held them out and wide like we're something. Maybe in this instant she had changed her mind but I couldn't do much, I guess I was going home alone. I try hard not to be jealous.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Dec 03, 2013 10:11 pm

It has been 60 days since I started my journal. Wow, time flies.

I have spent two weeks not really doing much. I was just reading and reviewing the article on effort aversion, and it made me realize that I've been averting effort. I haven't scheduled in time to go out, and I haven't been focused as hard as I was before two weeks ago. It shows: I feel more fearful of approaching and it's more unnatural, and I haven't done it in a week aside from one girl. Not good. I am going to change this lack of effort. I haven't been approaching consistently in the last two weeks, and it's showing.

I am going to go out four times in the next five days and approach 8 women each time. Ideally three of these will be day game, and one will be at night.
I evidently have a second date this Saturday evening, with the girl I had an insta-date with at the mall. We'll see how this works out.

I have mainly spent the last two weeks doing a lot of studying of material, mainly trying to address my current weaknesses.

Here's what I've studied:
Mental Toughness
"The Success Factor" - Projecting the X Factor, Vibe, Maintaining Good State Control
Frame Control
Being a Sexual Man
How to Use Sexual Frame
Chase Framing
Predict People's Behavior
**Sexual Tension**
ESP Model of Sexual Escalation
Attraction Has an Expiration Date
What Happens when you Don't Have Sex
Girls changing their mind
**Social Pressure**
Screening Logistics in Advance
Dealing With Failure
What To Do To Get Past a Sticking Point
Effort Aversion

To Do This Week:
Day 3 & 4 Technician Diagnostic E-Book
Using Compliance Tests

It is now time that I will do field work exclusively and set goals to achieve, and utilize/review what I've learned practically and see what I've discovered in process.

Interim Goals, now until Jan 5
Continue to Refine:
- Approach Anxiety
- Maintaining consistency in my approaches: this is a present problem, I have trouble putting myself into the right state ahead of time, and there is an inconsistency in my fundamentals with all my approaches as I do only a few parts of everything most of the time.
- The biggest issue is my voice, which I am working to permanently deepen and make sexy, but frequently when I don't think about it I use my regular voice which is higher pitched and prone to speaking too fast and mumbling especially in the beginning.
- Dampen initial nervousness and project sexy vibe at the outset.

Focused Improvement:
- Reaching the hook point
- Moving girls on the spot
- Compliance screening
- Focus on repartee: I will make two witty remarks within the first two minutes of meeting every girl, I will make two sexual/chase frames within the first five minutes.
- Focus on rapport: Talk more about emotions, keep conversations interesting by switching topics, convey being a sexual man, focus on her and keep myself a mystery.
- ONE week focused exclusively of three 3-hr outings focused exclusively on value (homework)
- Three outings focused on investment (homework)

Interim Longer Goals, now until start of February 2014:
Continue to Actively Pursue and Develop:
- Be a sexual man
- Chase framing
- Using sexual framing
- Building sexual tension
- Using social pressure
- Deal with failure and assess sticking points
- Three more outings focused on investment (homework)

Longer Term (start process now):
- X Factor
- End Depression
- Figure out how to go back to her place consistently (until I have my own place)
- Manage logistics ahead of time
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Dec 09, 2013 10:03 am

I had one approach this morning at 7:30am which I should have done very differently. I saw a cute, tall redhead girl waiting on the metro platform, and I passed her without saying anything but making some eye contact and a subtle smile. I waited further down; she happened to board the same car as me and we sat across from each other, as we both walked to the middle of the train. I opened with my eyes, intentionally looking at her with a blank stare and subtle smile, and when she met mine I said "I just had to tell you that I really like the color of your purse..." which was a teal blue, and she said "haha thanks," and I replied "did you match it with your eyes on purpose?" as her eyes were also a blue color, and to this she laughed a little more and said "its my favorite color." I asked her name and we started talking about how her weekend was, and got to deep dive to her being from the California area and loving skiing; she asked about all my luggage and I told her I'm not from around here, I'm going home but I grew up in the area. She pointed out that she has luggage like mine, I take that to be a subtle IOI. Unbeknownst to me, her stop was next (just one stop away), and suddenly she got up and started to exit and said "have a good day" on her way out.

I didn't budge. But I should have just gotten off there and taken a chance with her and waited for the next train. I should have just gotten off immediately and said "Hey [XYZ], wait a minute..." and proceeded to tell her that I know she's on her way to work, and I have to catch my bus, but I think she's cute and charming, and I'd like to get to know her better when I'm back in town, and gone for the number close. At the worst I would have gotten rejected and had to wait for a train in three minutes. But instead I didn't do anything. My gut instinct was to get up, but I ignored it and it wasn't strong enough.

Inaction sucks. I do this all the time, where I don't listen to my gut or just go with the spontaneous decision and immediate instinct, or take the immediate opportunity. How can I train myself to do this?
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Marty » Mon Dec 09, 2013 10:57 am

Ozzo:

Two books for you, if you really want to get deep into this:

Malcolm Gladwell: Blink

Charles Duhigg: The Power of Habit

-Marty
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Thu Dec 12, 2013 3:44 pm

Marty,

Marty wrote:Two books for you, if you really want to get deep into this:

Malcolm Gladwell: Blink

Charles Duhigg: The Power of Habit


Thanks for these book suggestions; I hadn't heard of either, but I'll be moving forward with these in mind.



Field Report: 131205

Eight approaches were done on transportation – airports waiting areas, in flight, in line at airports, airport cafes, on a train, and in the subway. I got three phone numbers, of which probably none will ever materialize.
It took quite a bit of willpower to get myself going again after this extended break from approaching. Judging by yesterday it’s going to be

Girl 1:
I had twenty minutes before my flight was going to board, so I walked around the airport area a little bit, saw a cute girl sitting down by herself, so I sat one seat away from her, and engaged by tapping her on the shoulder. Got to deep dive quite a bit and I had her show me some of her interesting rings on her hand. This is the reason I gave for wanting to talk to her. This was a good compliance test, because she complied. Anyway, I got her number, but what can you really do when you’re both on different flights going to totally different cities? She was going to Mexico, me to the Northeast. I’ll probably never see her again.

Girl 2:
This one was interesting. My flight was pretty much mostly empty but there were a number of sexy girls on board, sitting all alone. There was one cutie two seats up on the aisle; before the closure of the door I got up to go to the bathroom and on the way back I sat across the aisle from her and told her that she had the most cute pair of shoes I’d seen. I then pointed out that they were the same color as mine (I should have waited for her to point this out, actually). We had a good rapport going, then I got up to go back to my seat when the conversation started to get stale, telling her that we should continue to get to know each other when we’re on the flight. I got her phone number; turns out she’s Colombian and is only in town for five days, of which I am there for only one or two.
I had set the wrong frames with her—I think she was thinking of me more as a friend because I wasn’t setting quite the right types of sexual and chase frames.
Anyway, in the flight I got up and approached her, and told her to come sit next to me. She instead had me come sit next to her, and had to move all her stuff over and go into the window seat and put everything down. In retrospect, this was silly, I don’t know why I accepted her frame, and even in the middle of the process I told myself I wasn’t going to accept her frame to sit next to her, and instead wanted to have her come sit next to me. It would have been simpler for both of us, but she didn’t want to and gave some weird excuse, and I accepted this frame. It was dumb. Anyway, I got to deep dive a lot about her hopes and dreams. Eventually she had to get up to go to the bathroom. I told her to come sit next to me when she came back, at MY seat.

She complied on the way back. She started talking about how nice it is to make a friend on the flight, and that I’m such a nice guy. God, I hate hearing those words now. It feels truly awful to hear “friend” and “nice guy” in the same sentence. Anyway, I told her “I’m nice, but I’m not that nice…” when I should have said “not too nice, I hope?” I played the hand game with her, and had her pick objects in the plane. I guess hers twice, and she didn’t guess mine at all. This may have had the opposite effect of the intention; I did get close to her and touched her on the leg a bunch of times as I was making points, but also pushed her away when it became clear my romantic intentions. She said she had to go back to her seat and finish her work; I hugged her tight and kissed her on the cheek goodbye, but I didn’t feel the right kind of tension in the hug on her end.

It’s still cool to be able to move women around on a plane, but I would have preferred joining the mile high club ;-).

Girl 3:
Older woman I met in line, then after she finished led her to a lounge next door. It's funny, another guy was trying to talk to her and was waiting to take her to chat as well, but I got her first by dominantly leading her away with me as we just watched passively. Had her sit with me at a beer bar because both our flights were now in three hours. I had already had one cancellation, which was soon to turn into three. She kept asking questions about me, and also me with her. She left after she wanted to go do work, but we talked for about 45min. It was mainly friendly.

Girl 4:
My second flight got cancelled and I ended up back in line, which this time was longer. I saw a cute girl in front of me, and I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she was going anywhere interesting. She was somewhat receptive, but over time it became pretty clear she had zero interest. Whether it’s my fundamentals that were off or just because she isn’t attracted to me, I don’t know, but basically every time I would try to talk to her and ask her something, she would answer it and then shut me out and keep looking at her phone. This girl was a freshman college student from Maryland who goes to school in Florida, but apparently hates the school she goes to because it’s too small, there’s no football, and it’s not a party school. She’d rather go to Arizona State or something like that and wants to transfer, and evidently her favorite hobby is lying by the pool and tanning.

But again, every time I said something, she’d look at me and answer excitedly, but then would dismiss me and go back to texting on her phone; her body language was virtually never facing me.

It’s funny, I ended up with her in the same line again later because she was on the same rebooked flight as me, and that one ALSO got cancelled.

Conclusion:
I’m not her type.

Girl 5:
She ignored me.

Girl 6:
Approached a girl on an Amtrak train. Noticed her sitting across the aisle from me working virtually the entire ride, but had very sexy legs. I am a legs guy….*shudder*…so I thought I would approach her when she’s getting off. As it turns out, both the seats between us emptied about 20min before the destination, and she was back to work but there’s nothing between us. So I approached by leaning across my seat and asking her if she knew what time the train gets into the city. She replied something about her not knowing, but I proceeded to ask her name and make an introduction. I then asked if I could sit next to her, and when she accepted I told her “you know, I actually know when this train gets in, but I noticed you and just HAD to tell you that you have the sexiest hair I’ve seen all day.” She laughed a bit and was taken aback slightly, but said thanks, and I told her that I’ve seen she’s been working all day and looks like there’s plenty more to do.

Some good deep diving going on, we connected to a degree but here I ran into the problem of not wanting to share a lot about myself. She asked me where I live, I told her I grew up in the area but I’m not going to tell her. I had her try to guess, she guessed two cities and I told her it’s one of them. She laughed. Anyway, have to be more strategic with this.

Asked her what she’s doing later and all, she sounded busy, then I went for the coffee date, but it turns out she has a boyfriend. She said she could give me her number to be friends (righhhht), but I ignored it and continued the earlier conversation. I exited gracefully after five minutes. Ran into her again on the platform to seek advice for where to go out in DC. That was nice.

Girl 7:
Saw a girl get on the metro with me. There was a brief moment of eye contact, but I wasn’t smiling so she didn’t smile either. I happened to sit right behind her by coincidence. I tapped her on the shoulder and remarked about her very unique moccasin looking shoes. She said thanks, asked me where I’m from as she’s wrapping up her headset (presumably to talk more). I find out she’d getting off in one stop, and I’m not. We had barely talked about anything besides her being from Jordan in the Middle East. I try to go for the close but I botched the whole thing: “Well, I think you’re really cool…” and she blurts out loudly “YEAH, I am really cool!” I was taken aback, and didn’t know how to respond. I just ended it…I was leaning in before, and I leaned back and just put on my headphones. I could tell the whole train had heard this, there was a guy standing who was smiling for the next five minutes probably laughing in his head. I was both sore, but also laughed a bit. She got off in a minute or two anyway, but didn’t look back my way or anything. She didn’t put on her headphones till one minute later.

Conclusion:
I framed the close in the wrong manner, and there probably was just not enough time.
Fix eye contact and facial manner, clearly I need to appear happier and smile more.

Girl 8:
This came right after the debacle of Girl 7, so I was left mentally unsound after that experience and was pretty much going to call it a day (despite not meeting my target of 8). I was getting off the metro and going through the fare gates when I saw this very attractive latina in business attire going the other way looking my way, and then I looked back in my peripherals and saw that she came back out my way. I had a ton of luggage so I paused outside and started shifting around some stuff. She came to my right and I made eye contact and held it with a smile. She first looked away but then looked back and smiled right back. I immediately tapped her on the shoulder and she paused as I said “I just had to tell you that you have the best style I’ve seen all day,” and she smiled and started walking away playfully laughing that she just got off a long day of work. She kept walking off. I had all my stuff so I couldn’t go anywhere, I yelled at her “what’s your name?” as she’s walking away, and she said “<NAME!>” but didn’t stop. Now I was in the moment very confused with what to do in this situation: chase after her and leave my stuff, or yell at her to stop, but in the process I did neither. All of this happened in maybe five or ten seconds, so it was extremely fast, and by the time I got to bring all my stuff up she was already up another flight of stairs walking away.

Now, I should have told her to wait a second: “Hey, <NAME>! Wait one second.” And tried to set up something on the spot after she got off a long day of work, the “just a minute” situation I’ve seen Chase talk about, or at the very least tried to get her number. But all of this happened so fast and she walked away so fast that I didn’t know what to do, even though the attraction seemed to be there.

General Things to consider:
- Sitting next to the girl: if there is a seat between us I should consider moving myself, or ideally even better have her move to me.
- I talk about weather a little too much. Sometimes the conversation winds its way to this, but this is something I should thoroughly avoid.
- Social momentum is huge. Not going out for two weeks cost me a great deal of experience.

Field Report 131206
Number of venues for approaches: 3 (though we went to six or seven)
Number of approaches done tonight: between 11 and 15 (not sure of the count)
Any results: One blow-out/failed pull; one phone number.

Went out with a friend and we spent about five hours going around to different bars talking to different girls. It was a rainy and cold night so most places were dead, but the few girls.

Notable girls

“C” (friend fuck up):

My friend was hitting it off with a waitress at this French bistro café. It’s usually a fun spot on a Friday night, but that night they had nothing going on. Anyway, he’s been deep diving her and asks for her number eventually, telling her he’s gonna get her out of there because she works too much. She says yeah, she’d like that and she has lots of friends. I chime in: “Yeah, we can go on a double date or something.” Big mistake, she backfires “whoa, who said it was a date?” And my friend tried to save it, “no, no, trust me, we’re just gonna hang out and have a fun time.” Not really my smoothest moment, and definitely got the night off on a pretty bad start.

I don’t know why I wanted to do this double date thing…I mean, she was really, really attractive, and I bet she has cute friends. But for a large part of it she was also giving me some crazy eye contact even though she was talking to my friend. I guess there really is a lot of communication that can happen with your eyes.

After this I felt kind of crappy.


“E/H/T”:
Friend and I opened a group of three girls, whom were there for one of their birthdays. She had on really striking red stockings and I remarked that they’re the most striking stockings I’ve seen all day with a pre-open, and we engaged them. I had her compliance me when she said her nails matched, and I had her show me. This was tough because of the three girls, one was just unattractive and overweight (though arguably had the best vibe, funny how that works), the birthday girl was fairly neutral, but the third was just cold and very, very hard to work with. I understand that these are the most fun when you can crack them, but she was certainly a tough nut to crack. My friend tried all night with her and failed.

I failed big time when I engaged birthday girl “E” and got her talking, but tried two compliance tests that fell flat. The first was that she was sipping hot cider, and I asked to try it. She didn’t give it to me and said she’s sick, and I said it would be terrible if everything just spread around the group. Then we went back to talking, but later I told her it’s kind of loud here and we should go sit at the bench right behind her. I tried to grab her hand and lead her, but she didn’t give it to me. And then when I went back to the bench I told her to come, but she didn’t and as this was happening all three girls were dead silent and everyone was looking awkwardly at me. I didn’t talk to her the rest of the night, blew the whole thing apart.

Good lessons though, probably didn’t build enough attraction or intrigue to warrant her leaving her friends group and sit alone with me. It was too soon. This was the low point of the night, it kept going up from here.

“A”
We switch venues, I see a girl leaning at the bar all by herself and approach. We made eye contact on the approach, she looked away to her right while I went around her back to her left side and then did the pre-open with “I just had to tell you that you have the most gorgeous hair I’ve seen all day.” Things are going really well with this girl from the very start, she’s making crazy sexy eye contact flirting, laughing, and our faces are definitely in each other’s personal zones. I have her give me a sip of her drink as a compliance test. We’re talking about where she’s lived in the world and on the topic of her being from Florida, she just out of the blue drops: “I live a mile up this street,” followed by an extended pause. It was completely out of the blue, and she was fairly drunk. I knew what this meant but I didn’t really know what to do with it. I continued the topic for a minute or two longer before suggesting we move to a quieter area by the side of this venue. She declined even though her mannerisms were the same and I had my arm around her. Soon after she turned away from me and talked to a girl, and I left. I was confused.

I came back soon after and told her straight up “let’s go,” she said “where?” and I said “you said you live a mile up the street, we can get a nightcap around here.” This was naturally too obvious. She said “no, I have to go find my friends” and then she went away. Blow out.

So now half an hour later I’m talking to other girls, and “A” shows up! She has me spin her around, and now she’s even more drunk than before, she’s stumbling around. But we have a bit of a sexual vibe going. Nevertheless, I blew the set with the girl I was talking to, and went for her, and we’re hanging out by the bar but not saying a word. Looking into her eyes, but she’s half bored and there’s not much I can think of saying. I go for a kiss, she just says “I have to go find my boyfriend” and then it ALL CLICKS. Something’s going on there, and I noticed earlier that she was flirting with another dude. That must be the BF. Maybe things aren’t going well with him.

Later in the night we saw them leave together, her crying. Probably best to have avoided that one.

“K”
This is the last venue of the night, friend and I wind up in one hell of a crowded bar with multiple rooms of some beautiful girls. I knew it wasn’t going to get better than this, but we first walk around scoping the place out. See these two girls sitting alone and “open” to the crowd looking kind of bored. Friend opens one, it’s really crowded so I can’t go to the second girl easily but he introduces me and then I move over to her side.

I was practicing deliberately not talking about myself and keeping the focus strictly on her. The way this worked out is that she kept asking where I live and what I do, but I barely said anything. The girl kept protesting that it’s not fair that I’m finding out everything about her and she’s finding out everything about me. She keeps on saying “you’re just deflecting the question again.” I guess I did, it was funny to push the limits on this and see what I can get away with, but based on my question to the forum this is the wrong approach to take. Maybe the better way is to give her a challenge at first, then if she’s really persistent give her something to work with, but not too much. Just an ounce, to keep part of the mystery.

This girl was my only number close of the night. She seemed pretty interested in me and we were having a great conversation, and then her friend wanted to leave and they wanted to leave together. I first said we should grab coffee this weekend so we can get to know each other better, but she’s busy, and I’m not in town after this weekend for two weekends. But then she offered to give me her number, without me asking. And let’s see if that works out, I sent the first one right after but never heard a response from her.

How do I follow up a second text on this if I’m not even back here for two weeks?

Personal Comments:
- It was difficult to get going in the beginning, but once I got my groove I handled conversations and openings pretty well overall, and matched a good deal of body language as well.
- Where this got a little stale is that I felt pretty good about the way things were going, but I wasn’t challenging myself enough. I wasn’t failing as hard as I’ve typically fallen, and to me that means I wasn’t really breaking out of my comfort zone and learning new things. So now I need to push for other things. I need to break out of my zone so I can keep learning.
- I need to figure out closing, it’s still a bit of a weak point. I stopped pushing for the close most of the night, maybe that’s what I should have really gone for.
- More focus on facial expressions is needed, and sexy eye contact.

Final Two Days: Six approaches only

One night of approaches was spent at a lounge in DC; talked to a reasonable amount that night but blew out with all of them. I did successfully move one girl around a venue, and it was strange to her though that I was doing that. I tried to get two girls numbers, but BOTH said they’d give it to me next time they see me at that place. Obviously this shit isn’t happening, but I failed HARD!! AHH…

Conversationally I tried a different approach—less mystery and sharing about myself more freely. However, this didn’t work nearly as well as when I was being very mysterious and having them protest about me.

I didn’t approach the final day as it was snowing outside; I should have just gone anyway, who knows.

Personal Comments:
- Continue to work on being persistent and don’t let them get away
- Build more connection before moving them/compliance testing.
- I have to really work on my initial conversation and getting the hook down.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Marty » Thu Dec 12, 2013 10:11 pm

Ozzo:
ozzo wrote:Eight approaches were done on transportation

You're a machine. In one day? Was this a business trip?

I used to travel quite a bit on business in my last two jobs—wish I'd discovered Girls Chase at that time.
ozzo wrote:It's funny, another guy was trying to talk to her and was waiting to take her to chat as well, but I got her first by dominantly leading her away with me as we just watched passively.

Wow, I bet you got a boost in attraction from that. Great start to the interaction!
ozzo wrote:She kept asking questions about me, and also me with her.

I find that's usually a good sign, unless she's just flipping "interview questions" back at you, in which case it's almost certainly a waste of time.
ozzo wrote:Older woman I met in line

Interesting. I'm finding that girls in the 26-33 age group or so are the most receptive recently. The very young chicks, say 19-24 can be mindblowingly hot but I'm not quite at the skill level yet where I can relate... it's just too much of a gap until I've found my feet a little bit in terms of process. That doesn't mean I don't open them... I do, frequently, and they can get quite chatty but seldom comply much in terms of numbers and dates. I'll go back and try again once I get my process down a bit.
ozzo wrote:This girl was a freshman college student from Maryland who goes to school in Florida, but apparently hates the school she goes to because it’s too small, there’s no football, and it’s not a party school. She’d rather go to Arizona State or something like that and wants to transfer, and evidently her favorite hobby is lying by the pool and tanning.

I can empathize... superficial girls of this sort that are obviously "bad for me" nonetheless exert a gravitational pull because of their looks and bodies. What can a man do? ;) I usually stay away though for fear of getting hurt!
ozzo wrote:She started talking about how nice it is to make a friend on the flight, and that I’m such a nice guy. God, I hate hearing those words now. It feels truly awful to hear “friend” and “nice guy” in the same sentence.

My line is: "Nice?!" (Look away, enigmatic smile, pause, look her back in the eye) "Just wait till you get to know me ;)"
ozzo wrote:Some good deep diving going on, we connected to a degree but here I ran into the problem of not wanting to share a lot about myself. She asked me where I live, I told her I grew up in the area but I’m not going to tell her. I had her try to guess, she guessed two cities and I told her it’s one of them. She laughed. Anyway, have to be more strategic with this.

I already talked to you about this (finger wag) ;) Yeah, legs get to me too. I once opened a 19-year-old university student (on her campus) wearing hotpants by saying: "I just saw you walking in front of me, and I just had to catch up and tell you that you have the sexiest pair of legs I've ever seen". Okay, that was probably a bit over-effusive and value-lowering, but she opened reasonably well and we got into some good rapport. After a few minutes, though, she declined a date proposal on the grounds that she only met dates through social circle. I tried to beat that frame but wasn't quite there yet at that stage.
ozzo wrote:I could tell the whole train had heard this, there was a guy standing who was smiling for the next five minutes probably laughing in his head.

It's actually good for you to go through this in some ways, as it gives you an idea of the worst that can happen (i.e. not too bad at all).

Oh and that guy? Bet he's never conducted a single daytime approach.
ozzo wrote:I tried to get two girls numbers, but BOTH said they’d give it to me next time they see me at that place.

This has to be the worst bullshit excuse... I've had things like girls telling me where they work and asking me to come see them there, but refusing a number. Waste of time.
ozzo wrote:it turns out she has a boyfriend. She said she could give me her number to be friends (righhhht)

Never had this, but Chase wrote somewhere that you can say "I can't promise that, but I can promise you'll have a good time" so perhaps if this happens again you can take her number after all.

Way to go with so much practical experience, Ozzo!

-Marty
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Dec 16, 2013 2:23 pm

Marty,

Marty wrote:Ozzo:
ozzo wrote:
Eight approaches were done on transportation

You're a machine. In one day? Was this a business trip?


Yes, this was in one day, though not a business trip: I was in Florida for personal reasons. While I didn't do any approaches while I was there, the trip back was exciting.

Marty wrote:I can empathize... superficial girls of this sort that are obviously "bad for me" nonetheless exert a gravitational pull because of their looks and bodies. What can a man do? ;) I usually stay away though for fear of getting hurt!


I am sure superficial party girls are also one of the easiest ones to sleep with...the question is "how?"

Marty wrote:My line is: "Nice?!" (Look away, enigmatic smile, pause, look her back in the eye) "Just wait till you get to know me ;)"
Thank you, I'll have to remember this one.

Marty wrote:This has to be the worst bullshit excuse... I've had things like girls telling me where they work and asking me to come see them there, but refusing a number. Waste of time.


Yeah, sometimes when they say an excuse like that, I return the most quizzical, confused look, like "are you really trying to tell me that, as if I believe it?"

-----



Bah...okay, it's kind of hard to admit this to myself, but I screwed up. I've been feeling kind of down lately, and haven't been approaching/studying this past week as priorities from a different side of my life have suddenly taken a far greater commitment of my energy. Yet, in the stress of it I smoked weed and watched some porn last night (after ~140 days). Huge mistake. This morning I woke up with what felt like a hangover, and nearly zero libido and strength to be optimistic and positive. Even though I know it's all bad for me in the long run sometimes the cravings take precedence and I can't resist. I've been here before, though, and I must reacquire that hunger to stop these urges. New focus: nothing ever again. I am done for good with porn, and I am going to stay away from MJ for at least six months.

I had a third date with one girl this weekend, and got her completely naked in the back of the car as we fooled around, yet again met my friend LMR. I had ED with her, which tells me that my inner libido is still not yet fully withdrawn from porn. She felt like men judge women that sleep with them too fast, though i told her over and over, both before the fooling around while we were having dinner, while in the car, and afterward, that I am not someone that judges, and it actually makes me feel bad when I can't give my partners what they want, after she had verbalized that she's really horny and hasn't had sex in a few months. I am not sure if I want to have sex with her anymore, as I have a sense that she seems more romantically inclined and could just end up getting hurt if she has sex with me.

I had another semi-date with a girl Saturday night; it turned more friendly over time, but I did learn a few very important things that will help me in the months to come. The most important is that I tend to come off to women as inauthentic, as she got the perception of me as someone with many, many layers that are hiding the beast underneath, that beast being who I really, truly am, the desire and ignition that drives my core. I've heard this several times in the past few months from different people, so it can't just be made up. I think my traumas from the past are unresolved issues that tend to keep me from attaining my goals, including more success with women; these traumas have also created a mask I wear that hides my true redeeming qualities, and this mask also pushes away potential partners. A second revelation is that I might be someone that subconsciously feels badly about my sex. When I thought about it, I suddenly realized that even though the vast majority of my prior partners have described sex with me as being at the low end "very satisfying" and at a higher end "awesome," "exciting," "passionate," and "unselfish," and even though I've tried to give them all the best experience I can, I also readily feel like in the moment I'm not doing a good enough job and that they're not actually satisfied; that they're just saying that to make me feel better. There's no logic behind this, except to verify my own subconscious feeling that I'm not good enough. And in believing this self-fulfilling prophecy, I confirm my own subconscious when women don't sleep with me. I think I'm damaging my interactions with women FROM THE OPENING, because I don't truly believe, confidently, deep inside, that she's going to get a ride of her life if she comes home with me. These inner issues are, incidentally, also directly connected with my progress in becoming a lover of women and following the process of How To Make Girls Chase.

I know it's bad to take dating advice from women, but I do also think these two ideas are long-term "inner game" issues I need to resolve.

In a culmination of everything, I've also been missing my ex-girlfriend quite a bit, but I also know I can't ever go back to that route. I've already scuttled the ship and there's only one way to go--forward.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:58 pm

How would you respond? Critiques are welcome.

Situation 1:
Call a girl you've already been on a date with, leave a voicemail saying that you thought of her (some inside story), that it's been a while (1 week) and we should get together when we have a free minute, what's her schedule like? She did not respond or call back.
My solution: I texted "Hey <name>, I hope your week's going well. Do you have plans this Thursday evening? Thinking we should get together again if you're free. =)"

Situation 2:
Met this girl at a meetup group last week on Wednesday, had good vibes going. Set up a verbal date with a girl for this Sunday, she said she wasn't sure and would get back to me Sunday AM and I got her number. I texted her about it Sunday morning, and never heard back. Two days later I get "Hey <Ozzo> - sorry I missed u Sunday! U didn't make it out to <group> last night."
My solution: I texted "Ah, sometimes professional life just occupies the path to these fun things. Thinking we should still grab that coffee, though. What's your schedule like the next week or two?"

Situation 3:
Met a girl at a holiday party last night, briefly were talking about work and I want to meet her both for networking but ALSO to go on a date with her. She had to head out right away almost, and was about to give me her email, but I had her give me her number instead. I didn't make fully clear my romantic intentions (no direct opener or genuine interest) and only talked for five minutes, but SHE made sure to touch me on my elbow (like a pre-opener) as she was saying bye. Does this mean anything?

I texted her two hours later "Hi <name>, nice meeting you at the holiday party, save my number...-Ozzo =)," at 10pm. I heard back this morning at 10:30am "Nice meeting you too! Sorry I had to run out of there!"
My solution: I want to text tomorrow, "Well, it's too bad we didn't have more time to get to know each other. Thinking we should grab a coffee soon, though, what's your schedule like the next week or two?"

What would you do?
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Dec 17, 2013 7:15 pm

I sent:

Situation 2: "Hey <name> - I got caught up in work last night =/. How's that schedule looking? ;-)"
too boring?

Situation 3: "Haha, I sense you have a penchant for fast adventure. How's your day been?"

and not too long after...

Her: Good! Just busy wrapping things up at work. How about you? In the midst of a job search, right? <seemed like a boring topic, so I switched it up>
Me: Great. Oh, you remembered! <chase frame, determine romantic interest> Yes...Are you always that good with remembering little things about men? <qualifying frame> How do you do it?
Her: I'm amazing?
Me: Oh, because you traveled to Pakistan, or because you're Californian? Or...? <trying to get her to qualify herself further>
Her: All of the above?
Me: Well...before you ran off into the night, I noticed you had rather alluring qualities about you; I'd like to get to know you better over coffee. What do you think?
Her: That sounds great. But I leave for California for two weeks this Friday. Maybe when I get back? <offers her schedule...kind of. I was debating sending a "I don't chase schedules" text>
Me: Maybe...hmm, I leave town as well, why don't we say sometime early January?
Her: Sounds good. I'll be back on the 5th
Me: Cool :-) have a nice evening.

This sounds promising.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:46 pm

Interesting things happening lately. I've been less focused on meeting women and more focused on finding work, yet somewhere now (probably just temporarily...maybe it's the holiday season or the weather) women are more readily coming to me. I approached two girls on the trains today, one on the subway, and one on the train...and got BOTH their numbers within about 3 minutes and verbal commitments for coffee.

One of the text exchanges from a girl from NZ:

Me 1141: Hi <New Zealand>, nice meeting you on the train. Have a nice trip home... - Osman =)
Her 1144: Hey Osman, you too :-), good luck at your event today. <near immediate response...promising>
Me 1145: Thanks sweetie....When do you return from NZ? <goal: sexual frame with "sweetie," find out her schedule>
Her 1148: 30th Dec... I might have to take you up on that coffee idea <Oh, wow...direct interest at ME! When does this ever happen?>
Me 1159: Yeah? That would be fun, don't you think? Getting ahead of yourself before your trip though ;-) <goal: chase frame>
Her 1205: Yeah sounds good, haha yep just a little
Me 1209: It's refreshing to meet a girl who goes after what she wants. Till then... <goal: rewarding her for her interest, keeping intrigue till meeting date>
Her 1212: It's the swimmer in me haha, happy holidays. <is she offering value?>
Me 1213: Ha, same to you :-)
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Marty » Wed Dec 18, 2013 5:26 pm

This looks very positive, Osman... just for reference I've very seldom had that level of responsiveness (several texts coming back within a few minutes each time). Sounds good!
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:23 pm

Hmm, I had another approach opportunity today where it didn't really occur to me at the time exactly how to do it. I may never see this girl again in these circumstances, which really irks me: she was giving me long, extended eye contact every time I saw her. We didn't exchange words...everything was non-verbal. I saw her a total of three times, and in one of those I happened to be walking past her with someone else, and turned my head towards her to find her looking STRAIGHT at me and staring as I walk past. It actually freaked me out a little and I smiled, then turned my head back and kept walking with this other fellow; on the way out I was also waving bye to her, and she smiled with her eyes and did two quick raises of the eyebrow before I walked out the door.

What were the circumstances, you ask? I went into an office today for a job interview, and the front desk receptionist (one of them) was the target!

Now, how could this have been done? She was at work, but there was practically no one in there. My interviewer was pretty much shadowing me around the whole time, and we also walked out together into the elevator as he was on his way home. This is when I waved bye and she gave me very strong eye contact. But...could I have said to my interviewer, "You know, I actually need to use the bathroom really quick, do you need to head out right now?" and, if he didn't wait for me, gone for the girl afterwards on my way out when he wasn't there and no one was looking. I could have gone to her and told her "you know, I'm really bad with directions...I know there's a separate elevator for the parking garage, do you think you can show me where it is? I don't remember..." and then maybe she'd accept and walk me down. As she's showing me out, I could have assessed for her number or suggested we grab coffee after work, in the elevator.

On the flip side, my interview did go well. Who knows if there will be a second chance.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Sat Jan 04, 2014 4:58 pm

I think I understand the difference between depressive/negative thinking, and positive/future oriented thinking. I caught myself today in a "why am I like this?" moment but stopped myself, and reversed it to "I have good things to look forward to in the future." I hope this continues.

FR yesterday: went to a coffee date, went back to the girl's place, and when I went for the kill she declined the lips but offered her neck and ear. So I went ahead and bit/nuzzled/licked and nibbled her neck and ear. Wants to see me again before going further, proposed coffee. She said I was nice... Huh?
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:18 pm

Got laid Monday night, finally! Even though I've had a couple of LR-'s since breaking up with my ex just over three months ago, I haven't been able to have penetrative sex with any of them and mainly because of my own mental issues with getting turned on. I've read through the GC article on Performance Anxiety once again, and my core issues are:

- Being very hard on myself
- Building up pressure: the feeling of "I have to get hard now or she's going to be disappointed" takes over, as does the feeling of "I can't get hard and she's already probably disappointed, and I can't feel anything in my penis"
- Focusing on the wrong things: like described above, rather than focusing on a hot naked girl having fun with me and pleasuring me, I focus on my anxiety and how I'm not turned on and nothing will change. My emotions are negative.
- Being cold, anxiety ridden, and

Finally though, on Monday night, I actually had real sex again. It's been a "dry" three months and I'm glad I've finally changed it. Whenever I read on the forums of how someone's had a dry spell for a month or a month and a half (and that's a "bad" thing), I really get a little envious in some ways...the longest dry spell I've had lasted about 500 days, and before pursuing GC as a learning process typically I would be content and used to breaks of 3-6 months between partners. It was almost expected. Now, this just sounds terrible, and I feel like I benchmark myself versus others in some ways. As I have more success with women and am finding it easier to get them into my bed, and myself into theirs, I have the exact issues described in the article on Performance Anxiety...I'm not used to being in these crazy circumstances. A part of me really doesn't care as much about pursuit at this time.

This instance doesn't deserve an LR, because I didn't follow anything on GC. This happened quite consensually and accidentally, with a friend of mine in a meet-up group that I attend. This meet-up happens to have quite a number of very sexually open minded women, across various ages, all there trying to gain a greater understanding of the depth of their sexuality. Overall a really great crowd; anyway, I went for a coffee right after it with one of the girls, and I proceeded to describe to her what happened with me and the girl "Violet" on Xmas day (report here) pretty much detail for detail, including how I got performance anxiety, and we both flipped out and had panic attacks. She empathized with me and talked it through with me thoroughly, explaining that she's been with people like that as well, and that the girl handled it the wrong way. She then hinted that she can help me, and then straight up said she wants to give me a BJ, because "I can help you...and I love giving BJs." Umm...ok, am I really hearing this? I told her that was nice, that I'd enjoy that, but we'll see what happens.

Where it got interesting...we both left the coffee shop, and on the way to our trains at the city terminal the subway we were on stopped at a station for five minutes and just sat there. This basically caused me to miss my train by ONE minute, with the next one leaving in one hour. I realized this was going to happen on the subway and explained this to my friend and she said, "well...why don't you come home with me tonight?" I told her I'd see and think about it...lo and behold, at the terminal my train had left, and hers was leaving in twenty minutes...so I agreed to come sleep at her place instead, and she told me "ok, but I hope you don't expect anything. I have work early and I need to sleep," and I told her "yeah, I'm kind of tired too, let's just go with the flow and we can sleep."

Pretty much first thing when we get into her bed an hour later...we're naked and removing all our clothes. She dominated me...she pushed me down and said adamantly "no, you're NOT going to do anything, this is about YOU." Wow, what a turn-on...and yet while she gave me a GREAT BJ for probably a good half and hour and I was going nuts, I was limp as a noodle the entire time. I realize now what thoughts were running through my head in this time:

- I'm not turned on.
- I'm distracted.
- Why am I here?
- Is she upset that I'm not getting hard?
- Is she really enjoying it even though I'm soft?
- How long is this going to last?
- I can't feel a thing that will make me hard. I mean...I'm REALLY sensitive, and this feels GREAT and it's driving me WILD, but I have zero sensation and libido to get hard.
- Why is this happening? Why can't I feel my penis?

We spent a good hour and a half or so hooking up, and I spent a long time eating her out and fingering her to climax. Then we slept.

My lucky break came after we went to sleep and her alarm randomly rang at 5:00am. This woke both of us up, and after shutting off the alarm we spooned. I then suddenly, out of nowhere, felt myself getting harder, and harder, until finally I realized I was at 100%, and she was awake. I had her grab my penis and she got really excited, went right back to giving me a BJ. This time I could feel my mental process struggle again, and I started to slowly panic:

- Am I going to lose it? No, it feels fine...
- What's going to happen when she puts on a condom? So far it feels fine.
- I'm turned on but I'm not thinking about being turned on, and it's not going down.
- What is this energy? The BJ's feel great, but different now...less sensitive.

Soon enough she got on top of me after putting on a condom, and we fucked for a good 45 minutes or so in different positions. My mind was strangely clear--no anxiety, and I didn't even care or worry about me getting soft or getting her off, I was just in the zone and going at it. I didn't even focus on getting her off, just on doing whatever the fuck I felt like. And I think it only went slightly soft for five minutes of the 45.

She said in the morning "wow...that was really good. So good." Talking about the whole night. Thanked me. I went into a mopey state again, apologizing for not getting hard earlier, and she said "wow, don't worry about it...I had an amazing time, you're really good, and you're being too hard on yourself. Stop." She's definitely right, I'm thinking all the wrong things. Same as in the GC article on Performance Anxiety. It's in my head.
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby Grand Pooba » Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:03 am

It has been quite some time since I've updated my journal. Things in my life have become a little more stable. I'm working once again and thus am going to restart cold approaching, starting this week. I actually already went out with a friend of mine on Saturday to approach women, and ended up with two phone numbers, neither of whom has responded to me yet.

On that aside, I've slept with four women since my last journal entry, of which three were brand new and one was an ex-lover. I am currently seeing two women in casual open relationships, a third is very fickle and flaky, and we'll see if she happens again, and the fourth seems to be pursuing a serious route with someone else instead. Either way, it's been fun, and through a lot of personal work I now know what success actually feels like, and I know how my body and state of mind feels when I'm in the mood to kill, so to speak. A large part of my work now is going to be maintaining consistency and getting results faster.

Repost from an older entry, to focus on once again:

Here's what I've studied:
Mental Toughness
"The Success Factor" - Projecting the X Factor, Vibe, Maintaining Good State Control
Frame Control
Being a Sexual Man
How to Use Sexual Frame
Chase Framing
Predict People's Behavior
**Sexual Tension**
ESP Model of Sexual Escalation
Attraction Has an Expiration Date
What Happens when you Don't Have Sex
Girls changing their mind
**Social Pressure**
Screening Logistics in Advance
Dealing With Failure
What To Do To Get Past a Sticking Point
Effort Aversion

To Do This Week:
Day 3 & 4 Technician Diagnostic E-Book
Using Compliance Tests

It is now time that I will do field work exclusively and set goals to achieve, and utilize/review what I've learned practically and see what I've discovered in process.

Interim Goals, now until Apr 5
Continue to Refine:
- Approach Anxiety
- Maintaining consistency in my approaches: this is a present problem, I have trouble putting myself into the right state ahead of time, and there is an inconsistency in my fundamentals with all my approaches as I do only a few parts of everything most of the time.
- The biggest issue is my voice, which I am working to permanently deepen and make sexy, but frequently when I don't think about it I use my regular voice which is higher pitched and prone to speaking too fast and mumbling especially in the beginning.
- Dampen initial nervousness and project sexy vibe at the outset. **Done**

Focused Improvement:
- Reaching the hook point
- Moving girls on the spot
- Compliance screening
- Focus on repartee: I will make two witty remarks within the first two minutes of meeting every girl, I will make two sexual/chase frames within the first five minutes.
- Focus on rapport: Talk more about emotions, keep conversations interesting by switching topics, convey being a sexual man, focus on her and keep myself a mystery. **Done**
- ONE week focused exclusively of three 3-hr outings focused exclusively on value (homework)
- Three outings focused on investment (homework)

Interim Longer Goals, now until start of May 2014:
Continue to Actively Pursue and Develop:
- Be a sexual man
- Chase framing
- Using sexual framing
- Building sexual tension
- Using social pressure
- Deal with failure and assess sticking points
- Three more outings focused on investment (homework)

Longer Term (start process now):
- X Factor
- End Depression
- Figure out how to go back to her place consistently (until I have my own place)
- Manage logistics ahead of time
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Re: Ozz's Journal

Postby PrettyDecent » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:31 am

Ozzo, dude, you're killing it!! Keep us updated!

Were those three girls all cold-approach? That's impressive, man.
Knowledge and human power are synonymous - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
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