Where did these texts go wrong?



Where did these texts go wrong?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:04 am

Hey guys,

So I have four girls that I've gotten numbers for. I went out with one on an informational date (see my FR), got a response from another (the single mom), but have two that I'm not getting texts back. I'm trying to figure out where I might've messed up (if at all).

The first girl

The first one is a girl I matched with on Tinder. We had previously met in person so she had my number. She proceeded to text me after remembering me off the Tinder app, said how I was "super super cute" and I told her:

Me: "id love to grab a bite or drink with you sometime but Ive been super busy"
Her: "I get that! That'd be nice tho"
Me: "yeah. are you generally free certain days?"
Her: "Umm most Mondays Fridays and Thursday evenings"
Me: "ok. I'll text you next im free one of those days and we'll plan something ;)"
Her: "coolio"


That was Friday night. I texted her Monday:

Me: "hey (name)! ;) hope your morning is going well. I can do Thursday night for coffee if that works for you?"


No Response. So I texted her Wednesday:

Me: "hey (name)! turns out I'm crushed with homework this week so I cant do tomorrow...ugh."
Me: "hope lifes been treating you excellent :) hows your week been?"


And again, no response (it is now Thursday).

The second girl

The second girl I met at the mall. She was interested and we traded numbers. I had to reschedule with her twice and the most recent time (the third reschedule) she said she was feeling ill. Here's the text convo:

Me: "hey (name)! hope your morning is going well"
Me: "we still on for tonight?"
Her: "Hey, so I'm feeling really ill this morning and my head is absolutely kill me. (crying emoji) Is it ok if I get back to you a little later if I'm feeling better?"
Me: "sorry to hear youre not feeling too well :/"
Me: "but yeah thats not a problem"


That was Oct 3 (last Thursday).

I texted her that following Monday (Oct 7):

Me: "hey (name)! hope youre feeling better and you had a good weekend ~ Ive been super busy myself. whats new with you?"


No response (its now Oct 10, been 3 days).

The Question

Where did I mess up in these conversations and how can I fix them?

Thank you guys!

NBW
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Re: Where did these texts go wrong?

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Oct 11, 2019 11:16 am

The conversations aren't that bad, but they're not amazing. One thing to always be looking at is investment/compliance, and reward/punish based on that behaviour.

First girl:

The one thing I think you made a mistake on here is not making plans right away, and instead basically saying "I'll contact you when I'm free." I've had this line used on me before and it's just....I can't help but roll my eyes at it. I know what you're trying to convey - that you're a busy guy, but what it actually conveys is that 1. You don't know your schedule 2. You're not a great planner, and 3. you're just keeping things as a maybe in case something better comes up. And you're leaving her hanging all weekend.

So for this one I would have just made plans instead of trying to convey that you're a busy guy.

As for your follow up texts, they were fine, nothing wrong with them. I might not have sent the "takeaway" text and instead let things go cold for a week, but that's just me.

As for how to fix this: So far she isn't complying, and she doesn't have the courtesy to text you back... so you have to be a bit polarising here. I'd say something like, "Hey XXX! Listen, I'd love to get together, but if you're not interested I can stop trying" And then you dont text her again until she responds. Or, going a more humourous route - Earth to XXX, come in XXX. Do I need to throw on my tights and cape to come rescue you? ;)"

Second girl

Texts were fine until your Monday text with the "what's new with you?" Not a fan of that question - it's vague and boring, and if a girl is on the fence about you she's likely not to respond. AND, it's a lot of work to respond to. It's very similar of a question to "what's up" or "how's life been." These can be somewhat ok if you haven't spoken in a while (like months) but not if you're still somewhat fresh.

To salvage this I'd wait a week, then text her something simple, but of value. One of my favorite reengagers is that I have a photo of dessert/cookies that my work brings in sometimes, and I send her the picture with, "Just ate way to many [lemon bars]....how's your day going XXX, as tasty as mine?" - I've had this text work 9/10 times.
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Re: Where did these texts go wrong?

Postby Fuck This » Fri Oct 11, 2019 11:55 am

More than likely she has other options and is not particularly invested in you. It is the nature of Online platforms. My limited Tinder experiences were all same day meetups. Some within an hour. One thing each one had in common was I had her call me. I'd use the excuse I was driving. rather than get in a drawn out text convo. This was a good investment test and I could determine from her vocal quality if she was indeed interested.
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Re: Where did these texts go wrong?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Sun Oct 13, 2019 7:34 pm

JacobPalmer,

Thank you for the detailed response! That was super helpful.

I agree on the first girl - I really missed my shot on that one. I texted her what you had suggested and she hasn't responded yet.

But I did take to heart that I need to be a bit more polarizing with my texts after a certain amount of time. That's something I could adapt if girls do this no response thing. I did a similar text to the single mom after we slowly started to go down the drain of a conversation that wasn't helpful to setting up anything - and now I have a Friday night at 8 PM date with her.

The second girl I also was beginning to have my doubts on the "whats new with you?" text, as it was a hit-or-miss for me. I won some pac man mugs/cups today that are pretty cool so I was thinking of sending a picture of those with a short message and seeing how she responds.

Fuck This,

I was wondering about this because I had originally met her in person and don't have too much Tinder experience either. That's pretty crazy that your experience was mostly same day meet ups - it seems totally different from what I've heard from other guys on Tinder. How can you tell from her vocal quality if she is interested?

Thanks you two! This made me rethink how I text a bit and also made me rethink a bit of my date process (considering these girls all live far from me).

Will keep updated as things occur.

NBW
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Re: Where did these texts go wrong?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Sun Oct 13, 2019 9:50 pm

Update (that same night):

Got a response from the first girl - she said sorry she hasn't been in touch, its actually really bad timing cause she just recently met someone. So I'll wish her the best and move on.

Also got a response from the second girl - she said sorry she's been MIA, but with work and all that (yeah). She said my mugs were amazing and she may be slightly jealous and "even without the boo-tiful mugs, my day has been pretty great so far" so I'll wait a bit until I respond.

So yeah 2 for 2 JacobPalmer! I still got plenty to learn lol

Thanks again~

NBW
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