Haraklus' One Approach Per Day



Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:22 pm

Hello, GC Board. It's been awhile. My seduction journey has definitely gone places since I've last posted -- and recently come grinding to a halt.

I have traveled the world and been with a LOT of beautiful women in the last couple of years, but the last year or so saw me working insane hours in a business endeavor (which paid off -- I'm now making twice what I was 2 years ago), gaining quite a bit of weight, letting my fashion go to shit, and not dating or seducing anyone for several months.

Overall, in that timeframe, I've been very happy with just working, but I've slowly finished that hyper-focused season of my life, and I am looking forward to reincorporating cold approach into my life.

The issue is largely that I don't really have the habits, and I have more constraints on my time than in the past. My logistics are also worse than they have been in awhile. And I'm far pickier.

On the other hand, I am also drastically more confident, more socially savvy, more muscular, and more fashionable than I was the last time I made pickup a big part of my life. I'm thinking that this is going to go very well.

At this point, I've lost most of the weight, I'm dressed much better, and I've just barely started going out and exploring my new city.

My current goal is to get into the habit of making one cold approach per day. I set this goal for myself this last Sunday, but haven't really approached. An interesting change is that it took me a day of really trying just to start noticing attractive women around me again and picking up their signals of interest.

So, in part to motivate myself and reestablish this wonderful habit, and in part to share and document my new journey, I'm making this journal. The first real entry will follow.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Mon Feb 25, 2019 10:25 pm

Today's journal:
I didn't approach anyone. I did see probably 3 specific opportunities that were very good, but didn't go for them. It's interesting how quick on your feet you have to be in order to not let the moment pass. However, for this week, I am calling it a win just to get out and put myself in a position to meet women, and pay enough attention to my surroundings to actually do so. So, I'm calling today a win.

Venues:
I hit up a high end grocery store where I saw 2 of those good opportunities, and a hipster local coffee shop where I got some very clear IOIs from a pretty college student. The coffee shop is definitely going to be a staple in my future, with the grocery store being something I visit only occasionally.

That's it for today. More will come tomorrow.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Wed Feb 27, 2019 10:50 pm

Yesterday's Entry:
No approaches, but I did at least go out. My venue choice sucked and I was dead tired due to awful sleep. I'm counting it as a win simply for going out and keeping my eyes peeled.

Today's entry:
Initial venue sucked. I ended up chatting up a service worker at a place I frequent and she was digging it. Turns out she has a fiance, but I'm counting this as my first approach since starting again, and I got some valuable venue intel -- mostly that the one I went to yesterday and today was overall awful, despite having plenty of cute girls, it's a little too small/personal and a bit cliquish -- not in a bad way, just in the sense that people are into who they're into and word seems to get around fast. So, there's a bookstore with a coffee shop a bit further away from work and home that I'm going to check out. Its peak hours are between 5 and 8pm, which is ideal for an immediate after-work place to read a book and mingle a little.

Still mad tired from a couple of days of poor sleep. I didn't drink caffeinated tea today when reading, so hopefully I'll be better rested tomorrow.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:44 pm

Today's entry:
Zero approaches, despite probably 2 or 3 good opportunities. My initial venue choice was high traffic, but mostly pairs of fat girls and families, haha. I was working a bit after hours while there and when I wrapped that up, bounced to a grocery store. That's where I saw 2 good approach opportunities, including one that I'm pretty sure had a high chance of converting at least into a date based on the eye contact, and even blushing, that happened. But I'm not really used to springing into action yet, so today gets a big zero. But, I'm giving myself partial points for:
1) Going out
2) Recognizing opportunities

Tomorrow I'm going to try out a new venue, or two, and aim to be a bit more ready to spring into action.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Ambiance » Fri Mar 01, 2019 2:46 pm

Hey man-

One approach a day is an excellent endeavor. It is ok that you didn't approach anyone yet. Getting over that initial hump can be very difficult. Just keep trying!

Best of luck:)
Always,
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Fri Mar 01, 2019 8:16 pm

Ambiance wrote:Hey man-

One approach a day is an excellent endeavor. It is ok that you didn't approach anyone yet. Getting over that initial hump can be very difficult. Just keep trying!

Best of luck:)


Thanks, man. I've been on this ride before and really went wild, often approaching 5-10 girls per day in daygame for weeks in a row. I don't want to do that again, but I do want to get over that initial hump and start regularly approaching again. Right now, it's just building habits and tweaking logistics. Only a matter of time!
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Sat Mar 02, 2019 8:26 pm

Boom. Non-hired gun approach made. I went out and got new contact lenses, then hit a new venue nearby. Lots of traffic of the right demographics. Sat down next to a girl who eyed me when I came in -- which I never would have noticed without contact lenses. I sat down next to her and while some of my environments were building (I do nerd shit for a living), I chatted her up on the massive stack of Asian cookbooks she was looking at. Definitely not my type, but it did help to establish the pattern. And left my number with another hired gun. Overall, nice momentum building

And more importantly than that, in my opinion, is that I found a much better venue and upgraded my ability to spot IOIs.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Sun Mar 03, 2019 8:00 pm

Annnd for today I got my first date in my new locale, off of Tinder. Started in a coffee ahop and then pulled her to my place using my puppy as bait. An hour of chatting and chilling escalated into some light bondage (ropes and a blindfold) plus a blowjob. Then we hit the store and she’s cooking me dinner as I type this.

No approach yet today.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:42 pm

Keeping it rolling along.

No approach yesterday, but I did approach today. I was perusing the bargain booms section, and saw the perpheral view of a somewhat cute girl next to me.

I noticed a ton of the books wete about....a silly thing eople around here are obsessed with. So I said, “Wow, people from <state name> are really into <hilarious scam product>, aren’t they?”

She turned to face me with her whole body, rolled her eyes l, and kind of laughed, “Yes, they are.”

Me: “Are you from <state name>?”
Her: “Yep, born and raised! How about you?”
Me: “Nahh, I’m from...pretty far away.”
Her: “Do you go to the university?”
Me: “No, do I look that young?”
Her: “I’d say so.”
Me: “Now I’m curious, how old do you think I am?”
Her: “I’d say...24?”
Me: “Guess I’m keeping it together well, then — I’m 31.”
Me: “So do you go to the university here?”
Her: “No, I’m here for softball. I’m just killing time before I go to <nearby city> for practice.”
[skipping a bit, includinc exchange of names)
Me: “Wanna grab a coffee and kill time with me?”
[oversimplifying]
Her: “Sure!”
I told her to meet me at a table by the window I pointed out and let her get her coffee.

From there, we shot the shit and bantrrd a little, then I had to go pick up my dog. We areanged to meet at a xafe near me (1.5 hours from her!) tomortow. She handed me her phone, I called myself and then texted her. We chatted a but more and I left.

Overall, not a bad interaction— I opened her, moved her, got her bought into a meet, etc. I might cancel tomorrow as I kind of don’t want her to drive 1.5 hours there and back to come see me, but thought pursuing the opportunity in the moment was worth it.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Wed Mar 06, 2019 3:59 pm

I hit up about 3 venues yesterday but didn't approach anyone. Two of them were pretty dead, but the new one I hit was popping. It was almost too crowded, but I think it'll work. I'm going to head there today after work. I went through with the date with the "meh" girl but really wasn't feeling it and sent her home after an hour.

I got some decent IOIs (lots of eye contact from a couple of pretty cute women) but a lot of people were in groups or seated in a way that would make approaches difficult to do without being too overt and obvious for my current. That said, I am completely sure that I can clean up in this place once I spend some time there and experiment/observe a bit.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Tue Mar 12, 2019 2:20 pm

It has been an eventful few days. I actually got approached & set up a dare with that, got into a car accudent, went on a Tinder date, went on a date with the girl who approached me, had a Tinder hookup come straight to my place, and just set up a date with a really cute German-Italian receptionist at the clinic where I was scheduling a surgery for my foot hahaha. Feeling pretty baller, overall.

Keeping it brief since I’m on my phone, but I refuse to fade into complete obscurity.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:48 pm

So, about 3 months with a broken ankle and I'm back in the game. I went out today and did 2 approaches in daygame -- one very half-hearted, the other pretty good.

First one, I was going through the discounted center aisle of a local bookstore and there was a very pretty (albeit not my type) blonde girl about my age also browsing. I got the vibe she was interested in being approached just based on her body language and the way she lingered. She eventually worked her way around to my side of the table, and picked up a book, "How to succeed at adulting". As she set it down, I pointed at it and said,
Me: "Do you remember before that was a word?"
Her: "Yeah. Hashtag adulting. It's become so huge."
Me: "The person who made that up started a trend. Built an industry. Made an impact."
Her: "They must have made millions."
Me, laughing: "I bet that got nothing except twitter followers."
Her, also laughing: "Or that. There are a lot of those, though..."

I don't even want to talk about what follows because it was so damn cringey on both of our parts hahaha. I broke off both because she wasn't my type and I just wasn't used to approaching and following through. I actually bumped into her later and she seemed a bit down. If you're reading this, I am sorry Pretty Blonde Girl, but it was never meant to be.

The second one was pretty cool. I actually left the bookstore, and then came back a bit later and sat down. There was a cute Asian girl at the table next to me by the window. I was feeling the urge to introduce myself, but had a real difficult time working up the nerve. I knew it was going to happen, though -- I felt that I had already made the decision, and it was just time and rationalizing left before I got there.

I put my book down and checked my phone. "If I have no new promising Tinder matches, I'll get up and talk to her," I told myself. Sure enough -- no new cute matches. As I expected, that would have been mad clutch hahaha.

But, I couldn't get myself to just...do it. So, I put my phone into my pocket. I gathered my books up. I focused on doing things just one step at a time, until I was standing up. Then I walked over to her table,
Me: "Hey. I know this is out of the blue, but do you mind if I join you for a minute?"
Her, moving her stuff: "Yeah, absolutely. Sorry I have so much stuff!"
Me, laughing: "You don't need to apologize for having stuff, you know, you're pretty entitled to it."
Me: "You have very delicate hands. Show me."
I held my hand up, palm facing her, and extended it towards her. She did the same and placed her hands next to mine.
Her, blushing a bit: "Thank you."
Me, smiling: "Yeah. Thank you."
Her: "So, how are you doing?"
Me: "I'm doing...great. This is a lot to bite off, but I moved here about a year ago for a startup job --"
Her: "Where from?"
Me, not hearing right: "Huh? A startup job..."
Her: "Where from?"
Me: "Ah! Most recently, New York City."
Her: "That's tight."
Me: "It was alright -- I've had a lot of adventure and big cities and whatnot in my life lately. I was pretty ready to slow it down...where are you from?"
Her: "I'm from here, born and raised."
Me "Hah, yeah, if I had lived here my whole life, I would be all about New York..."
Her: "I feel like I just want that big city energy."
Me "Yeah. The hustle. The beautiful thing about New York, everyone is there to--"
Her: "To do something."
Me, nodding: "To chase their dreams . It's an addictive energy. That's definitely something I loved about New York."

Anyway...it went on for awhile. We talked for a good ten minutes at a pretty fast pace. Towards the end, I had to go and asked her,
Me: "So, how is your schedule looking today?"
Her: "Slow. Which is a pity because I like it to be full."
Me: "How would you like add something else to it? I need to go now, but in a couple of hours..."
Her; "I have a lot of homework to do. I'm procrastinating here..."
[...skipping quite a bit...]
Me: "So, was that 'I'm just busy right now, or...?"
Her: "I'm at a really weird place in y life. I'm really glad you came and talked to me, but...I just can't..."
Me: "I get that. I've been in...weird places before. For years at a time. I wish you the best with everything you're dealing with, whatever it is."
Her: "You, too! I had a really good time talking with you!"
[chitchat, standard goodbyes]

It was a fun experience and the most direct I've gone in awhile. I genuinely had a good time chatting with her, and it seemed to be mutual -- and I walked away feeling like a boss because I haven't done such an obtrusive approach, where I overtly entered a woman's sphere and started a very obvious pickup attempt in quite awhile. Hopefully the start of many more to come.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Sun Jun 09, 2019 4:29 pm

Did two approaches today. One hooked really well, but I’m too tired to tupe it all up haha. No a tual a tion out of it but I was pretty pleased by the whole thing.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Wed Jun 12, 2019 10:07 pm

I’ve modified my daily routine to accommodate more/easier approaches without spending much time doing stuff I wouldn’t normally do anyway. Basically, I hit the grocery store 30 minutes later than before, when it’s more crowded, and after I pick up my dog, I go straight to the dog park. Both places attract a reasonable number of attractive women every day. Today was relatively poor in both venues compared to normal, but I did get some approaches in each.

I’ll start with the grocery store. There was one attractive woman I crossed paths with while roaming the aisles. I tried making eye contact and smiling, but I didn’t get any response, so I didn’t approach.

At the cash register, I chose a somewhat longer line because a pretty cute girl was at the rear of it. I softly/noncommittally opened with a comment on what she was buying — she didn’t realize I was speaking to her, I think.

When she said “Yes” to the cashier’s request that she donate to MS research, I jumped on it and called her a champ for doing it — strong IOIs from her, flirty, submissive eye contact, and smiling. We chatted a bit and it was my go — she took a quick exit but did eye me on the way out. At that moment, another rather attractive young woman wandered by and also eyed me, but I was pretty locked in to the register — eesh.

So, what went well with that approach/venue:
I did try to force IOIs
After a weak/non-hooking open, I tried again and got a lightly hooking open.

Items for improvement:
I could have carried that interaction further. 100%, no doubts in my mind. I should have escalated the conversation, then asked her to wait.

I could also have opened harder / more firmly the first time and gotten a better hook with more time to drive the interaction forward.

I’ll write up a bit on the second approach after I grab my laptop.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Wed Jun 12, 2019 10:25 pm

Second approach, at the dog park:
I saw one really cute girl there who wasn't obviously with a man -- I maneuvered the situation such that my dog wanted to interact with her dog. (It's complicated, dog psychology, don't worry about it). I started chatting her up about her dog, and delved a bit into her life, just a bit, but it didn't go very far before it started to sound she was, like...in a gay relationship with this nearby fat chick and they owned the dog together? I don't know. I made too many assumptions about it, and let the interaction dwindle.

What went well:
I did take action on the one apparently unclaimed woman in the area. "Apparently"?

What went poorly:
I just had my tactics all wrong. I've lost the habit of screening and deep diving.

The takeaway here is that after a hook, I should try to learn things like:
Her name
Her relationship status ("You own the dog together? Roommates?")
Her logistics -- how far away does she live, etc
Compliance tests -- come stand over here, it's a bit more out of the way. Etc.

It feels good to be getting out and at least trying again, but damn, I am rusty beyond belief. A year of mostly-online dating followed by an LTR and then being single has definitely done a number on me. However, I'm super excited to start rebuilding my seduction habits.

My new tactic / habit specific to the grocery store is to really focus on trying to detect and act upon IOIs, I don't want to cause much of a scene or get too much of a reputation in the venue, but on the other hand, there are definitely opportunities around. With that, I also need to be able to open harder, while maintaining subtly and plausible deniability.

Stuff that applies to both the dog park and the grocery store is to:
1) Screen for availability, logistics, and compliance.
2) Make it more personal, faster. Ask her name, tell her my name, see what she's all about.
3) Escalate to a phone number with a plan as soon as it's reasonable. I would love to escalate to an instadate, but my weekday schedule doesn't really allow for it right now. Still, in the long run, if I'm getting phone numbers, I am going to be getting women, so it's a good start. Weekend instadates are a definite possibility, though.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:16 pm

Alright, new day, new approaches. I would say I got 3 in. None of them were women I was really interested in, but they were reasonably good looking (if a bit older, less sweet, or chubbier than I'd like), and more importantly -- they were the women who were there and available without going way out of my way or being too overt.

Two were at the grocery store, one at the dog park.

Grocery Store
The grocery store opens were both very low key comments on whatever they were looking at. One was in the yogurt section, and she was...chatty, to say the least. But, she was just a bit too chubby for me. She definitely wanted to drive the interaction forward and was still talking when I was winding the interaction down and walking away, haha.

It went something like this:
Me, walking past her as she stared into the yogurt section: "Ahh, the eternal dilemma, which new brand of yogurt do you choose? I feel your pain."
Her: ....
Jesus, I'm already bored of typing this, haha. But she hooked hard. I'd say she was about a 4 -- she actually had a very cute face, but was somewhat overweight and I'm more into skinny girls so it just plummeted her rating for me.

The next one was in the protein bar section, a somewhat older (late 30s?) woman in pretty good shape. That went like:
Me: "You're actually browsing protein bars? I feel like...Most people have a brand that they just grab and abscond with."
Her, laughing: "You know what? I actually do have a favorite, but they stopped carrying it! I'm looking around to try something new."
I honestly don't remember the middle of the interaction well, but it ended something like this:
Me: "Well, I know exactly what I was after, so I'm going to leave you to your browsing. Good luck!"

Arguably, I opened a girl at the cash register as well, but I don't want to get too into it and I was similarly not too interested in her. I'm more interested in exploring the IOIs I got and women I was interested in that I didn't open.

Women I didn't open at the grocery store

Pair of girls walking by
As I was talking to the lady in the protein bar section, two women came by -- I thought they were both pretty cute and had a nice vibe, but I was engaged with that lady, and it would have taken a bit too much effort / made too much of a scene to engage with them.

What could I have done in that interaction? I could possibly have roped them into it with a joke, "Excuse me -- do you have a favorite protein bar? Like, if you go into the protein bar section, do you browse or do you just know what you're getting?" Pretty much no matter what they answer, it contextually makes some sense and comes across as kind of playful and highly social, and brings them into the interaction I already had going with the woman there. I think that would have been an excellent move.

The cashier's assistant
One thing I do make an effort to do is to get into the cashier's line with the most attractive women populating and working it. This has worked very well for me before, and back when I was heavy into approaching it got me probably 3 or 4 lays with hot college girls picking up supplies for a party.

In this case, the girl checking the bags was pretty cute and I caught her eyeing me. We held eye contact for about a second.

Even before that, though, I just got the "feel" that she was paying attention to me. I believe at some point, there were articles here -- or maybe at another pickup and seduction resources -- that talks about the Reticular Activating System, or something close to it. The basic idea though, is that you get certain things into your head, and you subconsciously find yourself paying attention to it -- even if you don't necessarily mean to.

I just got the distinct impression that I was in her head, and that she was thinking of me even when she wasn't looking at me. It's hard to describe beyond just a vague sense that I was on her mind. Some kind of body language or energetic thing. She then looked at me and held eye contact for a solid second before looking away. However, I couldn't really figure out how to rope her into the conversation with the cashier in the moment. In hindsight, I think involving her in the simple, "How are you doing?" ritual that customers and cashiers exchange continuously throughout the day could have worked. As soon as he and I had finished exchanging "How are you?"s, I could have simple turned my upper body and head somewhat towards her, made eye contact and asked, "And how are you?"

The Dog Park

The weather was absolute garbage today, and the dog park was pretty sparsely populated. There was a pair of reasonably cute women (one was a little too curvy for my taste), and the curvier one was clearly more dominant and just immediately took over the interaction. I opened them doing the standard dog park thing -- the dogs break the ice, I start asking questions about their dog, they reciprocate, etc.

I just didn't get a vibe that I liked from the one actually participating in the interaction, so I didn't put any effort into trying to really hook it / continue the interaction. I did like the look of the second girl who was tagging along with the taller/curvier girl, but didn't even get a chance to get a feel for her vibe given the superficiality of our interactions.

Hindsight is 20/20, especially when your knowledge exceeds your habits. I could have easily ridden the interaction a bit longer and turned attention towards the women in question by asking their names (I really need to just solidify this habit), and maybe asking about their relationship (friends? roommates?). By overtly involving both of them in the interaction and making it personally, my odds improve from zero to...hopefully more than zero.

Bonus meme, interactions at work!
I work in a decently sized office -- around 500 employees -- where there are a good number of attractive women in their early 20s. I would not make a habit of 'approaching' per se, but running some social circle game and very selectively flirting or trying to meet higher quality women there is a definite possibility.

There were 4 women I had interesting interactions with, but I'm going to limit myself to talking about 2 of them with a side note on the 3rd.

First one is actually a girl I was initially very attracted to, but can't get a great read for. My attraction to her has died down somewhat. She's hard to read -- at times, I feel like she's just being professional, but I feel like I catch her checking me out in the periphery pretty frequently, and that we often have eye contact that lingers a bit longer than most. She smiles a lot, and is generally very friendly and engaging, so it's hard to make anything of it. I've also noticed that she frequently orients her body, especially her feet, towards me in group discussions. Today, I made a point to overtly check her out while I was speaking with some other coworkers (they were all facing towards me, vying for my attention, naturally -- and she was through a bit of a crowd, visible through a gap in them. I looked at her, and she looked at me, looked away sideways, looked at me again, looked away, looked again, and then finally looked away. At that point, I shifted my attention to one of my coworkers.

She seemed nervous, but it was hard to tell if she was good-nervous or bad-nervous. I'm going to cool off a bit and see how she reacts. Playing it very slow.

Another one was interesting, there's a girl that's normally kind of standoffish usually who wandered by my area today. She's actually been kind-of flirtatious before and very friendly -- she even offered to drive me home when I had a broken ankle, an offer which I did not take up because I wasn't feeling at all social in that period of my life. But, she has also been very...terse in our interactions at times. Like, I try to engage with her a bit in the elevator, and she doesn't seem to be doing anything, but she doesn't shift her body orientation or smile in the slightest, and only gives quick answers.

Anyway, today I caught her looking at me out of the corner of her eye, and she maintained eye contact for a good 2 or 3 seconds, while I was chatting with some other coworkers. I ended up breaking it to respond to one of my coworkers while looking them in the eye, and the eye contact never came back. It was pretty sexy, though, and felt genuinely flirty.

There's also a girl in the gym at work, super cute girl but with a slightly tomboyish vibe I catch checking me out when I'm lifting heavier.

At work, I'm playing with a lot of eye contact game and very slow escalation until I'm in better shape and have spent more time getting back my seduction skills in lower-risk environments. It's hard to more overtly flirt there since it's a densely packed open office, but doing basic rapport and comfort building while keeping the tension high has a lot of possibilities. That said, I am not particularly invested in any of these women, and am somewhat leery of taking action prematurely, but that doesn't mean it isn't good fun.

Successes
Another day of actually opening. It's a small victory, but still a victory -- I put forth the small amount of effort to engage with the women in my immediate vicinity, at least the very easiest cases, which keeps the ball rolling even if they weren't women I was super interested in and nothing came of it.

Gathering IOIs. I've been maintaining much steadier eye contact, and being more cognizant of when women are showing me interest. Most of the interest so far has been pretty casual and mild, which I mostly attribute to me letting my fundamentals go, but they're very rapidly improving now that I can walk again and I'm back in the gym.

Items For Improvement

1) Learn to rope in bystanders. Sometimes, I'm already engaged with someone, or there's an easy / socially expected open which happens in close proximity and could easily include someone passing by -- much more easily than terminating the interaction and initiating the less-socially-expected one. It also has the power of implying a degree of buy-in from the people I'm already interacting with. It's something I'll have to play with going forward.

2) Make it personal. This is a repeat from yesterday, but I didn't ask a single person their name today -- I can't say I much cared to, but I want it to be a habit rather than an intentional act. So, I'm writing this down to keep it front of mind.
Haraklus


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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Sun Jun 16, 2019 8:19 pm

Well, I've been a bit lazy on approaches.

I hit the gym really hard after my broken ankle, and in the last week I went form basically zero physical activity to running 4 days per week and doing heavy, full body lifts on both Wednesday on Thursday -- by the time Friday evening rolled around, I was completely beat, slept about 12 hours, and spent most of Saturday just laying around. Fun fact on the fitness front -- I gained 3 pounds but tightened my belt by one notch in the last week. Pretty nuts if you ask me. That's what happens when you go hard on both nutrition and exercise.

Yesterday, I did get in one approach at the dog park to a pretty cute nerdy (but fit) girl -- but she ended up being married, haha, so I didn't go there. It was a good interaction and a positive reference experience. I didn't much test her for compliance, but I did make it personal, and screen her availability (married) and logistics (she's basically a neighbor...so the logistics would have been amazing).

I did some light flirting with a couple of cashiers etc today, but after an initial surge of energy in the morning, I went back into a sleepy, muscle-building state. It feels pretty dang good.

At work, one of the women who was eyeing me on Wednesday(?) that I was talking about is now a sort of peripheral member of my team, and is still giving some very fun eye contact. I've caught her looking at me more than once when I look up from my work. I don't have any plans to actually go there, though I wouldn't rule it out -- but it's definitely fun to have that flirtatious energy in the background. In addition, the other woman who is in a similar role -- kinda, sorta on my team now -- saw her checking me out and saw us talking and has definitely cranked up the flirtiness. At the same time, both of them seem very chill and I don't foresee any drama coming from this.

I don't feel too bad about not doing a lot of approaches, as something I've found is that I do better -- like way, way better -- if I follow my instincts and only approach when I feel inspired to, and I've definitely been in more of a sleep like a baby to grow like a baby mood the last couple of days. However, I still fully expect to see myself making moves very regularly and keeping this journal up to date. There might be a bit of a bump in the road as I dial in my fitness stuff and adjust to my workout volume, but in the long run that's going to absolutely crank my fundamentals and thus my results. Cheers!

What has gone well
In my limited approaches, I've done a better job of screening and making things personal.
My fitness is already way, way better.

What could use work
Not as many approaches as I would normally do
No overt compliance/investment demands. Since they're both crucial and incredibly fun, it's definitely a minus to leave them off the table, but I'd say the main thing right now is to focus on getting myself in a state where I'm increasing the volume of my approaches again.
Haraklus


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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:32 pm

Alright, it's been a pretty lazy (in terms of approaches) couple of days. I hit the gym really hard and set some PRs, and have been dead tired afterwards for a couple of days. However, I did do a dog park approach today with a real hottie -- great body, cute face, good style -- but, she had a boyfriend. Still, we had a fairly long interaction and she seemed really flattered that I asked her to get a coffee with me. And I enjoyed the process.

I also got approached by a girl at work but I blew her off because I wanted to go lift LOL. She seemed pretty investing in starting a conversation and was cute, but...work.

No big lessons apart from, "Sometimes you have to choose between lifting weights and meeting women," and that for me, for now, lifting weights was the answer.

It's getting kinda late here, so I'm just writing this up to keep the habit going. I also started another round of nofap kind of on a whim today -- I'll see how long I'll keep the streak going, I expect just a few days, but I'm looking forward to seeing where the extra energy and desire to fuck takes me.

EDIT: Actually, I thought I'd add this -- I've noticed that women just seem way, way more interested in me after I make my intentions direct, but based on prior experience, they also don't seem to respond super well when I open direct. It may be that making my intentions known a bit earlier in the interaction will benefit me a lot.

Today, what was interesting to me is that this girl was wearing her sunglasses and not really looking at me before I asked her out to coffee. Afterwards, she took her sunglasses off almost immediately and started turning and making eye contact -- like I went from 'casual conversation partner' to 'someone I'm interested in checking out'. I've noticed a similar trend in the past -- women can go from seeming almost bored to very interested in the conversation once I go direct.

In the past, I tried a lot of direct and it didn't really work for me (it didn't feel congruent or natural most of the time), but now I'm finding that if I wait a bit and get to know her first, it really seems to crank up her interest levels. I'll have to pay attention to that going forward.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby SpookyTannedMoose » Thu Jun 20, 2019 4:39 am

I've noticed that women just seem way, way more interested in me after I make my intentions direct, but based on prior experience, they also don't seem to respond super well when I open direct. It may be that making my intentions known a bit earlier in the interaction will benefit me a lot.

Today, what was interesting to me is that this girl was wearing her sunglasses and not really looking at me before I asked her out to coffee. Afterwards, she took her sunglasses off almost immediately and started turning and making eye contact -- like I went from 'casual conversation partner' to 'someone I'm interested in checking out'. I've noticed a similar trend in the past -- women can go from seeming almost bored to very interested in the conversation once I go direct.

In the past, I tried a lot of direct and it didn't really work for me (it didn't feel congruent or natural most of the time), but now I'm finding that if I wait a bit and get to know her first, it really seems to crank up her interest levels. I'll have to pay attention to that going forward.


I don't fully understand this because it seems a bit contradictory to me. You said making your intentions known a bit earlier in the interaction will benefit you a lot, but that opening direct hasn't worked for you. Do you mean that you've had success opening indirect then quickly moving direct as opposed to letting the indirect convo go on longer like you usually have?
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby zappbrannigan » Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:19 pm

Speaking of which, what's a good transition from an indirect opener to a more direct display of interest?
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Sat Jun 22, 2019 11:30 pm

SpookyTannedMoose wrote:
I've noticed that women just seem way, way more interested in me after I make my intentions direct, but based on prior experience, they also don't seem to respond super well when I open direct. It may be that making my intentions known a bit earlier in the interaction will benefit me a lot.

Today, what was interesting to me is that this girl was wearing her sunglasses and not really looking at me before I asked her out to coffee. Afterwards, she took her sunglasses off almost immediately and started turning and making eye contact -- like I went from 'casual conversation partner' to 'someone I'm interested in checking out'. I've noticed a similar trend in the past -- women can go from seeming almost bored to very interested in the conversation once I go direct.

In the past, I tried a lot of direct and it didn't really work for me (it didn't feel congruent or natural most of the time), but now I'm finding that if I wait a bit and get to know her first, it really seems to crank up her interest levels. I'll have to pay attention to that going forward.


I don't fully understand this because it seems a bit contradictory to me. You said making your intentions known a bit earlier in the interaction will benefit you a lot, but that opening direct hasn't worked for you. Do you mean that you've had success opening indirect then quickly moving direct as opposed to letting the indirect convo go on longer like you usually have?


That's exactly it.

It's essentially a different form of escalation. Todd Valentine has the model of the 'four modes of escalation' -- verbal escalation, emotional escalation, sexual escalation, and logistical escalation. Opening is a form of verbal escalation over not opening. Opening direct is verbally escalating and sexually escalating simultaneously. I've found more success overall by separating the two.

To go from indirect to direct can be done a lot of ways. To do it very quickly, you can do indirect-direct, which is something espoused here at girlschase -- ask her for directions to somewhere obvious, and then when she's confused, say something like, "Nah, just kidding, I just thought you were cute and wanted to talk to you."

Or, you can wait until the natural end of the interaction and then try to escalate / get her number that way, for an extreme example in the other direction.

Today I I did...a lot of approaches, while out with my dog, in the coffee shops, etc. Only one of them went anywhere -- thankfully for me, it was with an extremely attractive bisexual 19 year old with absolutely amazing hips. I'm talking very wide-boned hips, with a nice thigh gap, but skinny/lean. Nnf

I did escalate / increase my directness through the interaction.

She was talking about her dog, and said something like,
Her: "He doesn't really hump anything except poodles, or poodle mixes, and then I have to pull him off."
Me: "And what's your type?" <--- sexual escalation, although not entirely direct, it gets the point across
Her: "I'm bisexual, so...pretty broad. My type is...yes?"
Me: "Yeah, I was getting that vibe."
Us: Other stuff

This was pretty early into the interaction, and despite her being obviously kind of nervous/quiet and not overtly engaged or smiley, it was one of the 'stickiest' interactions I've had in awhile, where she was happy to sit near me / move for me, and when she had to do something, asked me to come with her.

Incidentally, I think this is the first time I've gotten a girl's number off of cold approach since I started approaching again a couple of weeks ago. I have met *so* many married/taken women, and I don't mess with that. I'm pretty pleased it was this girl in particular, as she really suits my taste.
Haraklus


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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Sun Jun 23, 2019 6:01 pm

Well, things are picking up nicely now. I met a girl at the coffee shop this morning. I noticed her eyeing me as I walked towards the bathroom, and then eyeing me again when I looked up from my work.

I eventually made my way over to her, set my stuff down in front of the chair 2 seats away from her, and asked,

Me: "Studying for the MCAT?"
Her: "Yeah!"
Me: "What will you be studying?"
Her: "I think orthopedics..."
We talked for awhile and it went on. I really enjoyed our conversation. After a bit, I asked her,
Me: "Do you want to get sushi?"
Her: "Sure!"
Me: "Let's go."
Her: "Wait, right now?"
Me: "Yeah, why not? The weather is nice, it's close by, and you're having a hard time studying anyway."
Her: "Hmm...Okay, let's do it. Where will we go?"
I picked a spot (a nearby health food store that has great sushi) and we went. She dropped her stuff off at her car on the way.

Pretty cool woman. Studying to become a doctor, just got back from a gap year teaching English in Vietnam. Very sweet, slightly nerdy vibe -- I can really dig it. Some other tidibits..

We were sitting outside at the health food store, and I asked,
Me: "How tall are you?"
Her: "I'm 5'5."
Me: "Stand up."
I stood up next to her, and moved in close.
Me: "How tall do you think I am?"
Her: "Six...four?" She answered, as I drew her chin up to kiss her.
Me, softly, going in for the kiss very slowly: "Almost...Six three."
I kissed her mid-sentence. It felt great. I then held her in my arms for a minute and turned her around so her back was facing me.

One thing I like to do is talk about digit ratios, so I brought them up; she'd never heard of how the 2D:4D ratio indicates the level of testosterone exposure in the womb, so I explained to her using her hands as an example.

Me: "See, if you look at the ratio of this finger (touching her index finger), to this finger (touching her ring finger), you can see the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in the womb."
Her: "They're like exactly the same."
Me: "Yeah. For a woman, having them be just about the same is a normal level of testosterone. For men, typically, the index finger is just a little shorter."
I held up my hand for her to see. (My digit ratio is pretty masculinized.
Me, laughing: "You can see...I've had a lot of testosterone in my life. Which is probably why I was perfectly willing to talk to a stranger, interrupt her from studying, ask her out to sushi, and then kiss her without any hesitation."
Her: "I'm really glad you did. I'm very shy and introverted."
Me: "Yeah...I think they complement each other."

We chatted for quite awhile, and I asked her if she wanted to go hiking and meet my pup that night. She thought about it and agreed, and we're going to b meeting up near my place tonight. I was walking with her as we established that, then said,
Me: "Okay. I'm actually parked back the other way, but I wanted to close that thought out before going back."
I stopped her, pulled her close again and gave her another kiss. It was...good. Even better than the first. But I didn't want to get carried away, so I let it linger off.
Me, smiling: "Alright, get out of here. I'll see you later."

We parted ways. I glanced back and she was walking really slowly looking dazed haha.

When I got home, I texted her with a short, cute, funny dog clip, and a message:
Me: "Just thought I'd share some cute shit and wish you luck with your studying. Let me know when you're ready to head up the mountain. :)"
Her: "That just made my day. :) . I'll keep you posted."

So, I have a bunch of shit to do today since it's Sunday, but I guess I'll let y'all know how it went tomorrow.
Haraklus


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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Mon Jun 24, 2019 3:30 pm

I'm a bit tired as I write this, so I'm going to keep it brief.

Yesterday was fun, but I didn't close, and I'm getting the feeling she's going to be going cold before we meet again.

Instead of pushing to close at the right moments, I backed off and let her dictate the frame and didn't display a lot of dominance. I think there were 2 or 3 times where had I simply moved faster, she would have complied/consented, but I got a little jokey and permission-seeking. I had a great time, though, and so did she. It was definitely a worthwhile experience.

She is a pretty cool person, too, so that was a big plus.

Alright. That's all for now. Haraklus oouuut.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Thu Jul 04, 2019 8:58 pm

I have done so many approaches. And really upped my game.

I started a counter on Tuesday and it's up to 30 now. I can tear through a lot of approaches without noticing -- I really only remember a small handful of them clearly. Quite a few were duds (relationships, they weren't as pretty as I thought they were once I got a better look, the vibe wasn't that great, etc).

Out of those, I got 3 numbers and gave my number out to 2. I got 3 insta-makeouts. One in particular was pretty enjoyable -- I took her outside about 10 minutes after meeting her and made out with her on a cute little footpath between shops. A service worker walked by. She blushed and awkwardly said hi hahaha.

I had a blast while I was at it, too -- I'm currently on vacation (staycationing, really).

I started going much more direct in a lot of areas, in particular coffee shops and at the city park. I had a ton of solid coffee shop approaches that basically started like this:

Me, walking up to a girl's table: Mind if I join you for a minute?
Her: Not at all.
Me, extending my hand to her while seating myself: I'm Haraklus. What's your name?
Her: I'm Stacy. (I'm calling them Stacy because none of them were called Stacy)
Me: What are you working on? (works great in coffee shops where people are seated and buried in their computers)

The big thing is that I'm looking for approach invitations before going that direct. I get quite a few quick glances, hair touching, hovering, etc.

There are, I'd say, 3 approaches that I feel really good about. I'll cover them here.


The girl who knew what she wanted

This one was intense. I was going into a bookstore to pick up a book that another woman recommended to me after we had spent the day together. I saw her as I was waiting in line...she glanced at me very briefly, but I could just feel the desire coming off of her. I knew I had to approach her. But I was also in no serious hurry.

I went through line, placed my order, and charmed the people surrounding me. I then picked up my order, went to the restroom, came out, and saw her. I walked directly to her,
Me: Hey...I'm Haraklus.
Her: I'm Stacy (they're all gonna be stacey)
Me: You're into Tarot?
Her, looking down and smiling: Yeah.
Me: I just started getting into it recently...It has actually been really eerily accurate for me. But I'm just doing, like...online stuff. I don't really know much about it.
Her: I know a bit about it...
Me: Can you teach me?
Her: Yes.
Me: Wait, though...how old are you?
Her: I'm 20.
Me: Alright, as long as you're not, like...17.
Her: Haha, no...
Me: Okay. Teach me about Tarot.
Her, picking up a book on astrology and walking off in a random direction: Let's go.
Me: Let's sit over there *pointing to the cafe area*
Her: Oh, yeah, haha...I never know where to sit.
Me: You got this, no worries.

We sat down next to each other and held our bodies against each other side-by-side. She started thumbing through the book. We didn't talk about much in particular. I pointed out her tattoo on her arm, which was actually really cool and very minimalist. We talked about potential tattoos and astrology a bit. I told her I was a Libra -- she laughed, rolled her eyes, and said she had too much Libra energy. I asked her what she thought of Libra energy. She said it was nice, just that she had too much of it.

...This is getting too long and I am so not committed to finishing it. But, it went on for a couple of hours, we made out just a few minutes later (and it was intense and passionate, in broad daylight...great stuff). She ultimately just walked away because she asked me if I wanted to dominate her, and I said yes. It wasn't unfriendly or upset, she just wasn't feeling that. I felt no regret whatsoever. It felt like that was the right arc for us.

The funny thing is, upon reflecting, I actually didn't particularly want to dominate her -- that's just my default response to questions like that. But I had no interest in trying to hook her back in. It was what it was, and it felt right.

That was one of the pretty great approaches of the week, I'm gonna kick back and watch a 4th of july movie with my pup. Deuces.
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Re: Haraklus' One Approach Per Day

Postby Haraklus » Fri Jul 12, 2019 12:45 pm

I've got a confession, GC. After a week of approaching hard, getting lots of dates and instant takeouts, and having a bunch of fun, I haven't approached...all week. I've set up a few streams of dates with women from online dating, but it's really not the same thing.

I had a period of being pretty down because I lost what I thought was a very promising lead with a woman who I would value pretty highly. Two in a row, really. I allowed myself to feel bad about it, rather than fight that feeling -- this even lead to some very quality interactions with women where they listened to me complain about her. Which felt good, but obviously didn't get me laid, lol.

I took some time off from approaching because I felt "off", I haven't had quite as much time, and I noticed that I tend to have bad interactions when I'm in this particular headspace.

So, I'm still at zero lays from cold approaches since restarting the habit. I've (insta) made out with about 3 women from daytime cold approaches and gotten 2 instant dates and one same-day date.

So, after getting my expectations quite a bit higher from a surge of physical contact and really good interactions, I am lowering the bar again and setting my expectations back to something purely internal; one approach per day. Getting back on track.
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