Científico’s Journal – Recovery from a 4-year LTR

Re: Científico’s Journal – Recovery from a 4-year LTR

Postby Científico » Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:58 pm

Today was another daygame Sunday, in which I successfully instant-dated a total hottie, got her number, and scheduled a follow up date for tomorrow. Experiences like this continue to convince me of the power of the daygame approach over other methods.

Today was overcast and ugly, although warm, and I noticed a distinctive lack of approachable women in the section of the city I decided to start out in today. Thus I started to walk over to a better area and set a modest goal of 5 approaches. The first I got done with quickly (a friendly Austrian tourist who was actually with her parents nearby about to travel to New York City, thus a no-go). I let several opportunities pass me by after this approach thus lost momentum. When I finally got another approach out, to a cutie with a jean skirt on and a tall coffee, it was a total blowout (she ignored me completely).

The next approach was another girl with a coffee that listened to my sales pitch but didn't hook. After that it was a woman with a sundress and a baby in a carriage (opened by asking if the baby was hers - it wasn't) - the remarkable thing about this one was that she was open to giving me her contact info even after she said she had a boyfriend, and after I disqualified myself as a boyfriend candidate ("I dont want to be your boyfriend"). It shows once again that women can still be open to you even after they bring up boyfriends. Approach #5 was a cutie that came out of a plant shop - was pleasant but politely declined when I asked her out.

After the 5 approaches I was fairly discouraged, but warmed up for when I saw the next girl - she had a hoodie on, and tight leggings which showed off a beautiful ass. Overall very attractive, and well above what I normally get from Tinder or Bumble. I saw her and opened right away, commenting that it looked like she just came out of a yoga class. She hooked immediately and we talked about fitness, travel, and her work. Turns out she is visiting from California and only here for a few more days (it is always the travelers that are most receptive). After some vibing I suggest an instant-date to a bar a few metro stops away that I knew had good drinks and good latin music.

There was actually some reluctance on her part at multiple stages, with her pausing and going "I dont know..." both when I first suggested it, and right before we go into the metro stop. I persisted with some gentle leadership and touching of her arm ("just for a little bit, I promise you will like it"), and she acquiesced both times. She kept commenting how random it was, and how she had never used the metro before (lol). I told her she was delightfully innocent, but that "dont worry I still like you". She responded positively to this with an "okay good :)".

While on the metro she continued to remark about how random it was, and thanking me for the experience. I told her I am glad to make things interesting for her, and at this point go in for the kiss, which is rejected. I brush it off and tell her its okay, "its my job to try", and continue to lead her to the bar where music playing and people are dancing. Once there I buy us a round of drinks (she drinks a tequila shot), then we dance a little bit, and I grab her number at this point which she gives me enthusiastically. After about 30 minutes she says she would like to go back to her hotel soon. I tell her okay but also suggest a bounce back to my place instead "without all the people and loud music". More indecision - and this time persistence is less effective. She tells me she doesn't know me yet and wants to be safe. I tell her its understandable (failed to throw in some spiking here, could have easily turned the tables on her and told her I need to know she isn't a serial killer, etc).

Eventually I walk her out of the bar and to the metro, telling her I will drop her off then go back to the bar. When we part, she hugs me but its clear from the way she turns her head that a kiss close wasn't in the cards. I kiss her cheek and tell her we should meet tomorrow for a drink, she tells me she would like that, and that she will text me to tell me she got back safe.

After about an hour I initiate the following text exchange:

Científico: Great to meet :) Did you get back with no problems?
Daygame Hottie (DH): Hey I did make it back!
Científico: Good!! First successful round trip metro trip ;)
DH: Yes! Thank you for the experience!!

*Pause for about two hours*

Científico: Happy to spice things up for you DH
Científico: What time are you free tomorrow afternoon/evening to grab a bite to eat?
DH (replies within minutes): I'll text you after I'm done with the gym and I have a teeth cleaning. But after that I'm free
Científico: So you'll have perfect teeth, sounds lovely
Científico: What will it be at the gym this time? Brazilian Ju Jitsu? Karate? Muay Thai (reference to earlier conversation when I opened her)
DH: Exactly! This is just regular gym although I do want to try Muay Thai. How was the bar when you went back? Did you have fun?
Científico: I always have fun when I go there. Even when the music shifts Reggaetón heavy
Científico: Let{s shoot for 6-7 tomorrow, tentatively
DH: Sounds good.

Several thoughts here:

1.) The power of the daygame approach is awesome, like I mentioned earlier. A girl this attractive would be much more difficult to game during night game, and impossible online
2.) Persistence and gentle leadership pays off, and smashed her reluctance to the instant date
3.) Seems like its better to err on the side of overescalation rather than underescalation - both the attempted kiss and the attempted bounce back don't seem to have decreased her attraction and willingness to meet again. But the escalation has to be calibrated well.

We'll see what happens tomorrow, assuming she doesn't flake. Aiming for another two-venue date with the bounce home.

Space Monkey
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Re: Científico’s Journal – Recovery from a 4-year LTR

Postby Científico » Mon Apr 15, 2019 6:32 pm

Well, the fact that it is 6:30 pm and this girl has not responded to both of my pings today, means at this point we can pretty safely conclude she has flaked. A real shame - but at this point these flakes never hurt as much as they used to, 5-10 years ago. Just more motivation to get back on the horse and try again - there is no shortage of women like her.

What lessons can I draw from this? I'm not 100% sure, but my inkling is that there was some over-escalation yesterday with the kiss attempt and the bounce-home attempt, which brought up her buying temperature (hence her fast responses last night) but then led to some kind of buyers remorse and auto-rejection today when I let the interaction cool off overnight. A small part of me knew I could have tried to set up a meeting last night instead of tomorrow, but I didn't think much of it - now I know this was likely the best route to try to go. When I escalate the way I did on the instant-date, best policy is probably to try to go for the same day lay... I'll probably convert this into a regular field report on the main board to see what other board members say about this one, because I could use the feedback.

Today I almost went back downtown to do another day game mission in the same area I met her, but it's a cold, and very windy day thus suboptimal for daygame. Instead I'll do some chores I need to get done here tonight and save a new daygame mission for tomorrow (weather is more favorable). Thank goodness that this is a light work-week that allows me to do go out and daygame more than usual.

Space Monkey
Space Monkey
Posts: 70
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:11 pm

Re: Científico’s Journal – Recovery from a 4-year LTR

Postby Científico » Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:05 am

Two topics today:

1.) It was absolutely gorgeous out, and a perfect day for some daygame, with nice sunshine and a crisp cool temperature. I was on a role (for me, at least), with a low blowout rate and a decently high 'hook' rate. I did 13 approaches, and got 2 numbers, one facebook, and one email. I will follow up actively with all of them except for the facebook close, since she was heading back to Canada and I essentially closed her just for practice. Both numbers responded to my icebreaker texts (one was a gorgeous black girl on her way to a job interview at a restaurant, the other a honduran cashier at a vegan restaurant I was able to close since the place was dead).

And the email? A hot indian theology student walking with big textbooks. As I attempted to close her, she told me she was gay and has a girlfriend, and that she doesn't give out her number "like that", but that she will give me her email. From her email I see her full name, was able to find her on facebook - she is indeed gay with pictures of her with another girl and some with a rainbow background. She is indeed a sexy lesbian. Not that I will let this deter me from trying to get her out on a date!! Although the email game has to be tight for sure - today I will compose something observational, non-needy with some light humor to see if I can get a response.

2.) I seem to have run some decent salsa game within the past week, with two girls from a dance team I met last Wednesday interested in me. Last night, kinda drunk, I kissed one of them (the one I actually like) lightly when she called out the elephant in the room, saying "I don't know if you were here for me or for someone else", but perhaps crucially failed to escalate more than this and left. This is perhaps the classic Cientifico mistake of starting an escalation then stopping. Despite getting the kiss close, cant help but feel I fucked up? The story:

Wednesday of last week I go to a local bar with some music/dancing, and the place is mostly dead - the only females worth talking to are a group of 4 that was there to perform. I already know one of them from previous months, who I number closed before due to lukewarm interest and ran some light escalation/text game before it fizzled out. However when I see her she is always friendly, loves to dance with me, and gives me big friendly hugs/cheek kisses, which I enjoy for the social proof.

The three girls I don't know are hanging out at the bar, so I approach the entire group and vibe with them on the dance culture, how they performed (I missed it that time due to arriving late), and if the venue will survive. I get them all out to dance individually and they really enjoy it - this is when my 10+ years of salsa/bachata experience comes in handy.

One of the three leaves, leaving two to vibe with. I hang out with them at the bar individually, chatting with them about various subjects while other guys ask them ask them to dance (then mostly bringing them right back), dancing with both occasionally, and number closing both. Its clear that they both enjoyed talking to me - but I am only attracted to one of them (lets call her Katrina). Still, this initial interaction creates competition and a pre-selection dynamic.

I let Katrina know I might go to another venue the following day closer to her location (she remarks "oooh I might go if you are there"), which I do, and I see her there briefly and get a few dances in. Nothing remarkable about this interaction other than she is happy to see me - but I leave earlier that night and leave her with the two friends she came with.

Over the weekend (Friday) I ask Katrina out, and I never text her friend at all. I suggest we get Indian food/drinks at a venue closer to where she lives (her distance is considerable, 30-40 minute drive). She interprets it as me asking her out THAT night, and saying that she cant do it since she already has plans. I tell her weekend is better anyway - and at this point she doesn't respond! I do a 72 hour roll-off, and re-engage yesterday with my normal "Did you get kidnapped!?" text, which she responds to immediately. I probe to see if she can get a drink with me that evening, but she says she has dance practice, and we discuss the next place where her team will perform. I do not confirm that I will be there and sorta leave it hanging, not responding to her final text.

Which brings us to last night at this Tuesday venue. I was very on after my daygame session - once again the Argentinian I briefly dated earlier in the year was there and was very warm upon seeing me. ALL of the girls on the team, including Katrina, greet me warmly as well. They perform, I dance with all of them and everyone is having a good time. Both girls from last week are coming up to me at various points to engage conversation. Katrina at one point asks me to join her at the bar, which I do for a bit. Here I know that I have to escalate a bit, but I'm not sure I do the best job at spiking/getting sexual/flirting - it seems to be stuck in comfort a lot with her. I think the main source of her attraction is simply coming from the fact that I am a better dancer than 95% of guys and I seem to have a pre-selection dynamic going for me with the other girl, who also comes up to us, and I can easily make fun of her for being a postdoc - indeed it seems to be much easier to flirt with the other girl I am actually not interested in!

A little before 1 am everyone is leaving and I let Katrina know I'm going soon also. She thanks me for being there, and then, crucially says: "I don't know if you were here for me or for someone else" (obviously referring to the other girl I was flirting with).

Here is the crucial moment where my semi-drunk self needs to decide how to proceed/escalate Without thinking to much, I kiss her - and she kisses back. It is however a brief, quick kiss. Then I ask her how she is getting home, and if she feels okay to drive back to her area. She tells me she has a car and that she will be fine. I float the fact that she could hang out with me instead since I live much closer. She hesitates, and almost seems to consider it - but here for some reason I back off and tell her I will see her at the festival this weekend we both plan on attending, and leave it at that.

While I'm driving home analyzing the interaction I am kinda kicking myself - with a little bit of persistence, I may have been able to pull her home. I always struggle with knowing when to escalate. This is still a big problem for me, and I am still sometimes very indecisive, since I've had experiences with over-escalation/buyers remorse before.

I text her telling her to let me know when she gets back. She does around an hour later, telling me she stayed at the venue a little longer and had fun (another sign that I could have pulled her - almost certainly other guys tried to game her during this time), and asking me how old I am.

So, Despite getting the kiss close, I'm not sure I handled this optimally. The weekend will provide another opportunity to do a proper close since we will both be at the same festival and logistics will be perfect with my hotel room - IF I can get that far.

Space Monkey
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Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:11 pm

Re: Científico’s Journal – Recovery from a 4-year LTR

Postby Científico » Wed Apr 17, 2019 7:53 pm

Just another update on "Katrina" - we have been text exchanging all day.

Some banter in the morning in response the questions she sent me last night, her confirming that she wants to go to the same bar down the street tonight that I met her at last week, then me inviting her over to cook for her - which leads to this from her:

So I’ll be honest I don’t think I can go over your place or something like that. But I am dating someone and don’t think it’ll be a good idea for me to do that. However, going for some food I am still up for it.

Clear evidence that I screwed up last night and fell into the boyfriend frame, or even killed the attraction she had for me with the "false start". I explicitly disqualify myself as a boyfriend "I don't want to be your boyfriend", and at first I even suggest a food place to go with her suggestion, but then realized that will get me absolutely nowhere (clearly in boyfriend frame) so I cancel and tell her I'll see her at the bar. Later on in the day she texts me again and tells me she is too tired to go to the bar. I try to revive the cooking-at-my-place idea to get her to relax, and she engages in some banter about her favorite veggies but then says "wait this isn't for tonight right? I can't tonight." to which I reply "suit yourself - maybe another night I feel like cooking ;)"

Going to be hard to recover from this I feel. Meanwhile, both numbers I got yesterday daygaming stopped texting me back and no response to the email I sent to the hot indian lesbian. Hitting rock bottom with no prospects at all tonight.

The only thing that keeps me positive right now is the sheer number of women out there and the ease at getting new prospects. All I have to do is go out day-gaming on Friday and use my dance game this weekend (as of yesterday, I quit Tinder/Bumble - it simply does not work for the quality I want). But who would have thunk that it would be so god damn difficult to get laid after my long-term relationship. I've had dozens and dozens of women reject me at every stage in 2019, from the initial phone number, to being in my apartment kissing me but not fucking. They are ALWAYS falling off somewhere along the seduction ladder, and some days it is maddening.

Space Monkey
Space Monkey
Posts: 70
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:11 pm


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