"Damn...any one ever had oneitis this bad...invested too much..man..."
Ha! It's bad. Mine was 2 miserable and long years of oneitis. I couldn't get that girl out of my head. Day and night I thought about her, I tried to erased her from my mind, I tried to think about other things... I tried NLP, it didn't work... I talked to other women, flirted with others, slept with others... Nothing helped, anytime I thought she was gone she somehow came back to my mind...
I was so desperate I didn't know what to do, I already had decent knowledge about PUA and seduction, I knew I am going through oneitis, but nothing helped... There were times that I woke up and I almost cried, she was just always on my mind, my stupid heart just refused to follow my mind no matter what... two years of my life...
One day, I think I got dumped by another girl if I recall, LOL, I just got so desperate that I wrote some letter to her through FB. It was very weird letter, I re-wrote it perhaps 10 or 15 times. I tried to be friendly and appear cool, I acted as if nothing happened, but she was bright and saw right through it...
Her response was to the point, yet very cool. She simply told me in respectful way that she has no feelings for me. That was it, that was the magic moment that I was waiting for. Since those words she disappeared from my mind, it was like as if nothing happened... Magic... I was lucky, I haven't see her 2 years but her reply was just so cool, she knew exactly how I feel and she knew the exact anti-dote...
Today I have no feelings towards her at all, no positive nor negative. She is just a stranger, one person out of a huge crowd. She is just a strange memory to me... Why she? What happened? Why at that time? It's a mystery....
...Looking back, the whole experience was just so strange... Throughout those years I fell in love with more girls, but each time it was better and better, I was more in control, I simply got used to it... I also fell in love for purpose, I over-invested for purpose, just for the sake of experience, just for the sake of training my heart... I believe that I am in good control now, but the first experiences were painful. One experience was long, e.g. I knew the girl closely for 1 year...
Today, I no longer want to fall in love. Love is a sweet feelings, it is an amazing feeling... but it is fake, it really makes you blind. When I look back at some of those girls, I'm like WTF was wrong with me? I did so many anti-game things that even Nice Guys could be proud... Was I insane, or just arrogant? But that is also a big part of Learning, I tested Red Pill on my own skin, which many misunderstand here... I did it for purpose though, with clear mind and intentions, and I am not sorry because I LEARNED a lot by personal experience...
It is like as if you are a child and mom tells you not to stick a nail into electric outlet because it really hurts. So what do you do as a curious kid? You go and you stick nail into the outlet when mom is not looking, LOL. But the pain is good, you do it just once and you remember forever...
Couple of points which I consider important:
* I've discovered (or re-discovered) that I was not really in love with that particular person, but rather in love with image of that person... That is trully weird, I wrote about it here in the past, when I started to post comments here... You talk to the girl, all is cool, it's really no love, just cool and great vibes, you feel that she is a great match... Then you go home, and your mind starts rolling... you start imagining things with her, you are re-playing good times with her... you start making plans how to get her, what to do and how to apply your skills... Then you see her again and again, you execute your plans, and you think about her again and again, and the whole process continues... Your mind will then create sort of an "image" of that girl... I was lucky enough to be around the girl for long time, so I eventually realize that I don't really care about her as a person at all, all the attraction was gone (even though she was fucking HOT latina, one of the hottest female I've ever met), and I no longer wanted to be with her, she just got so fucking boring and annoying with her crap - yet anytime she was gone for 1-2 days the "image" of her poped back to my mind and I started missing her... that deep "love" feelings... IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD bro, what can I say, love is just so fucking weird... Went through it recently again with cute latino girl, man, what can I tell you, just the same fucking story, but you just get used to it, and you LEARN... You stick a nail into outlet and you learn...
* Oneitis is bad. Duh. No matter what others say (and I say the same things as others) Abundance Mentality doesn't always help... I can simply connect to some girls very easily and on much deeper level, and I can't connect to others at all, or very poorly, no matter how hot she looks... That's just reality... Once you have that 'special girl' in your mind, and she is special because you develop a deep emotional connection with her, the other girls simply disappear from your mind... You can see hot and naked 9 in front of you but you just don't care... The feeling may be so intensive that you don't even want to jerk off many times... I could talk to as many girls I want, I can have a girl sucking my cock and begging for sex, yet my mind is simply with the 'special girl' (thist trully happened)... Abundance Mentality helps only once you have some experience, once you go through some emotional pain (in my case)...
* If you want to escape the pain next time, make sure you have tight rules... Have an escape plan, know what you are doing, know where you stand in that relationship... Once you see she is distancing yourself from you, once you see Red Flags, you got to cut the chasing right there... "Don't chase them, replace them" is a good rule to follow... You got to cut contact with her and focus fully on Abundance Mentality. I didn't do it couple times, I kept going after that one girl, but that was for purpose because I don't mind dealing with the emotional pain... There was another girl recently in my life, great vibes, good feelings, amazing connection... but once she started to hesitate I cut her off, right there on the spot... That is it, no more, never coming back... that is also great experience, great learning... You hold a nail in front of the outlet, you are already touching the socket, but you just drop it in stead of pushing it in... Managing relationships? Trying to be even better than I already am? Fuck no, that just won't happen... The more you give them the more they want. Give them NOTHING, Zero...
* You have to decrease her value in your mind, you have to start believing that you are a High Value Man. Unless you are natural narcissist, that may take some time and active mental effort. Know what is High Value Man first, then be one, or become one... Have Value, Respect Yourself, Demand only the Best! Know what values she brings to the table - what does she do for you, how much does she invest into you, know whether she fits into what you expect from woman. Write it down on a piece of paper, write down what YOU bring to the table and what SHE brings to the table... Since she is no longer interested, you might be quite surprised - under your name there might be a long list of what you consider quality values, while under her name there will be minimum, NOTHING: She is not investing at all, she is not thinking about you at all, she is not inviting you out at all, she wouldn't buy you a damn coffee, she doesn't even bother to reply to your text and so forth. She simply doesn't give a damn about you any way you look at it, simple as that. It helps to see it on a paper...
* While in relationship (or attempting to get into one), monitor your level of emotional involvement. Monitor how much do you invest. The rule is very simple: The person who cares and invests more loses first. Once you see getting yourself more emotionally involved, once you start thinking more and more about her, once you start over-investing - you should start following your rules (unless you don't mind the pain again). Some of the rules to consider:
- Never tell her that you love her, never show that you are emotionally involved with her. That is very important, you should always keep this rule at 1st place. Bang her at least 7 times first before you even consider telling her about your feelings. Keep your feelings to yourself, she doesn't want to know!
- Be very very patient. If you think that you should wait 3 days for her to respond or react, you should probably have to wait 9 days... Reality is that she will reply (if she is still interested), and that she will eventually come back - but after 12 days, if not 15... Remember, many times it is just a waiting game, sometimes it is nothing more than a shit test... She just may be testing your patience because you really look like a cool and laid back guy... or she may be testing your emotional involvement with her... Dominant guy can easily wait weeks or months without moving a finger, he just knows she will come back, and if not it's her loss... Beta Boy can't even wait three days, if not three hours, he just has to contact her, run after her, show her that he is very interested. He is very worried that she will never come back, he is loosing so much... He is losing girl that doesn't give a damn about him... Once you show that you care too much about her, you are gone... your value goes down and she is on the way to dump your ass...
- Do less, not more. Another golden rule to keep in mind, simply invest less... Thinking about sending her a quick FB message? Text a quick Hi? Don't do it. Let her move the finger first, she has the same access to the phone like you... She keeps that phone in her hands 24/7, she is glued to it, she sleeps with it, she can't live without it... Do you really think that she has no time to reply? Do you really think she hasn't seen your Hi? Do you really think she can't google your phone number, get your email from your friends or find you on FB in less than 30 seconds? LOL
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Anyway, there is no easy answer... Just suffer then, suck it up and suffer, let your heart learn... If you can withstand more pain, grow some hair on your balls, go after her again while knowing you are facing another fucking rejection... but if you had enough, just cut it off while it's time... You already know that the flames burn, the pain is real... Observe, Learn, Remember... The pain will eventually go away but your brain will remember... The pain is good, the pain will eventually become your good friend...
