A Lover's Adventures



A Lover's Adventures

Postby Lover » Sat May 07, 2016 3:43 pm

What's up?
I didn't really get anywhere with my first journal. Too much unnecessary thinking and analyzing, too little doing. Too much ego, pride and facade, not so much authenticity.

At this point I have realized that it doesn't really matter what I think when I'm overthinking. I must take action to get anywhere. And the action I take must challenge my comfort zone. I can't play it safe all the time. Not just in the matter of seduction, but every other area of my life as well.

The last two weeks have been awesome because I'm challenging myself more and more. I can feel my long-lost drive back in me. I want to get better in every area, and I am getting better. I love it.

I'm still fighting my demons (ego, pride and facade) every day, and I still miss my fwb. We have a lot of good and sexy memories =) BUT! She is replaceable after all. I can find someone else to get new memories with, and maybe even better. But I will miss her and adore her till the end of my life.

No more analyzing feelings and thoughts.

Sticking point
I need to approach more women than I do now for reference points. When I do approach, I rarely approach more than 2 women per day. That's an awefully low number to approach on a daily basis. On the other hand, the approaches I have done until now, have taught me two things: 1. rejection doesn't matter at all, 2. my openers can be better. I'm erring on the lazy side of law of least effort. Examples:

Girl walking the opposite direction of me. Almost three steps before we were bumping into each other I open "hey! Nice style"
And she just keeps walking until she has walked two steps pass me and says "thank you" in a sceptical tone. I neither looked back nor reengaged.

An almost identical scenario happened five minutes after. "Hey! that's a gorgeous dress". No respons, no looking up. It's like she ignored my whole presence =)

Action-wise, I didn't try to stop them from walking, and I didn't reengage when they had passed me.

On the verbal side of things, well, my openers are too generic. Anyone can give a generic compliment.

But my openers has worked fine on women who were either sitting or walking the same direction as me (if they were walking faster than me and suddenly began to walk in front of me).

Keep on approaching =)
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

Formerly known as Ajay
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri May 13, 2016 2:25 pm

As I'm attending a 6-hour long exam next week, I've been busy preparing myself for this. But I might get a vist from a coworker tomorrow. Let's see how this one pans out =)
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

Formerly known as Ajay
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sat May 14, 2016 4:42 pm

My coworker neither responded to my text nor my call lol. I feel I should be mad, but I don't really give a damn. I'll get more opportunities like this, and I didn't really invest that much. But what happened?

When we were at work at the same time, we found out we had both become single recently. After that we had a lot of weird conversation topics going on, but it was in a flirting and exciting manner. We built up tension with prolonged eye contact, and she would break eye contact first. The frame was sexual, no doubt about that. It was so natural, I can't even describe it. It just flowed.

I'm taking salsa classes again, and I used this as a "plausible deniability" to invite her over to my place. She sounded excited, but I did two major things wrong: 1. I didn't ask on a high note. I should have asked when we were having those flirtatious conversations instead when we were having casual talk, and 2. I tried to make it work for my schedule with little regard to hers. She's physically attractive, but not my type. I was just surprised when we began those conversation with sexual frame and innuendo, and suddenly I was thinking sexual thoughts about her. No girl has ever done this to me prior to sleeping with her :D But I do think I had the same effect on her as I was implying it, and she was at one weird point implying that she used a lot of spit (which made me think sexually about her).

I tried to move things forward, and I'm proud of that. I don't know if this one is over, but I don't have time to wonder as my exam is coming up, and my schedule is full until mid July. But my workplace and I are going to an expo next week with a party in the night, we'll see what happens there.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

Formerly known as Ajay
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Wed Jun 08, 2016 11:56 am

Salsa girl, Lithuanian Lina

Strong eye contact (I could look into her green days all day and all night) ✓

Lot of touching (besides dancing) ✓

Flirting ✓

"us vs. world" frame ✓

Social proof by the others ✓

We have two lessons left before the salsa school goes on vacation. Plan is to get her contact info at the next lesson (Monday), so we can schedule something soon. All I need to do is isolate her, or tell her during a dance that we should meet up after the lesson for a minute. Since she's a foreigner, I might have to consider the fact that she's travelling back to her family. I don't even know if she's here on exchange.. Find out her future plans fast. Otherwise this could become a bad screw up.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

Formerly known as Ajay
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Mon Sep 05, 2016 12:25 pm

Nothing happened with the salsa girl as it turned out she had a boyfriend. Oh well, moving on :)

I was busy most of July because of study and work, so nothing really happened besides a little repitition of good ol' fundamentals, mostly posture, voice tonality and social awareness. Also I've got a cool necklace and watch, both from family members. With my earring, these jewelry make an awesome combination.

I attented a training camp last month and suffered a serious injury. I might need surgery for that, but we'll see :(

I met a girl on the camp, and she was waaaay to young (still legal here though). We were connecting just fine as we were both really ambitious people. She shared a couple of her secrets with me, and when I asked her why she would tell me, she said "you actually listen and seem like you can keep secrets". All true, and I can understand what it's like to be young and ambitious around teens who are just living as if there is no tomorrow. I teased her, made some self-deprecating remarks and were not afraid of incidental touches. She seemed to like me. However, we reached a certain point in our connection where I regretted us reaching it because of certain circumstances I don't want to mention here. You could say that I auto-rejected, but in the big picture it seemed like I led her on and then she auto-rejected. Or maybe something else happened, who knows. I'm fine with the outcome; we are friends now. The only thing I really learned from this lesson was: know what I'm seeking, and early in the conversation find out whether the girl I'm talking to can give it to me or not.

And then this weekend happened, lol! First I met this 21-year old girl from Okcupid, and then I happened to bang with the 18-year old from this LR from what I'll consider a very strange way to meet other people, but it happened nonetheless. I'll call the 18-year old Mary. The aftermath of meeting with Mary and our mutual friend was that I got her number when we separated Saturday. We were attending different birthdays the very same night, and the locations were only 10 minutes away by car. We texted a little more and realized both parties were dead around 00:30 (or used this as an excuse to meet up again ;)). I picked her up, we got back to my place around 1, got ready and FINALLY fucked her on my bed instead of the bathroom floor. We banged for one long round that night and two more times the next morning.

Damn, I was sexually stuffed yesterday! All that sex was driving me crazy, glad I can finally take a few days off to focus on my studies again lol. These girls screamed loud as fuck once they got the D, and they were fucking wet. And experienced. I loved it.

I know that none of this is personal - I am used to my sexual relationship being something personal between me and a girl, one way or another. Here's what I mean

First: With the girl from Okc, she happened to be in an open relationship, and the relationship status even linked to her boyfriend. I liked that she was honest about this in her profile because I instantly knew she was in it for sex + her boyfriend would have no problem with this. A little "who are you"-kind of questions, number close and set up a date. It was weird for me because this is the first time I'm in it only for sex, and I knew she did it because she loves sex so much. We ended up as FWB because we happened to connect on a platonic level as well, luckily not too much! Hopefully she can separate the sex-me and friend-me because of her relationship.

When she got home, she texted me that her bf didn't have any problem with the sex or the FWB-setting. And the only thing I could think was "Really? I didn't expect anything else for people in an open relationship" :)

Second: with Mary, I took a chance and got a lay from it. Even though she knows what I study (which is the number one thing that raise my provider value a trillion), she doesn't give a damn about it. She doesn't really care about my ambitions either (yet anyway). I don't even think I'm her "physical type", but she wanted sex and got it from someone who could give it to her right there (me). We have not deep dived each other at any point yet. As far as I'm aware all conversations have been superficial. We have yet to discuss the "what are we"-question, which I'll let her initiate. But we have mentioned that neither of us are in hunt for a bf or gf, which is the perfect set up, should this continue into a sexual relationship for some time. She has actually texted me right now that her jaw is sore which is proof of my dick being above average - and yeah, she did mention that in-person as well. It's definitely on ;)

What have I learned from these girls?
- Sex can happen really fast once you meet
- Sex doesn't have to be personal at all - neither for me nor them. I don't have to be that sexy, rather I shall show social awareness and keep things simple (especially if all they want is sex)
- Taking chances or making a move can seem hard, but they don't hurt you at all

In the big picture, I have better idea of what I want now
- As long as I'm studying, I will only pursue sexual relationships and find the right and wrong ways to do this. I have an okay idea how romantic relationships work and don't see any reason to improve on that for now.

- Regarding abovesaid; If I meet a girl who wants a relationship with me, I will tell her either that I'm not looking for a serious relationship, or that I don't do monogamous relationships (the latter if I like her enough - you never know). If the latter happens, I might be reading a little more Blackdragon Blog about the open relationships setting.

- I will look into online gaming and use GC forum as inspiration (such as FR's/LR's from Bboy and Oh Pry, theirs are the most inspirational for my age)

- I don't really do nightgame because I hate being out too late too often and love to sleep, and I don't do daygame either because I still don't have the balls to do this consistenly. BUT my two lays from this weekend learned me that whatever chance I take, I might win sometimes. I might follow a piece of advice Bboy gave right here. More about that later.

What else
There's a girl I met during the last term, and she happens to go to the same lectures as me on this term. I'll write about her in the upcoming days as I see some potential.

I also met an old classmate from high school as we both attend lectures at the same location right now. The one thing I have loved about this girl is that she didn't hide her sexuality AT ALL in high school. She's probably what most people would have called a slut back then, but I think she's sexy. Next time I see her, I will try a number close.

I ALSO saw my former FWB once again at the local library. Initially, I got scared because I thought she saw me too, but seems like she didn't. Once I calmed down, I realized that my initial feeling was, of course, irrational but understandable. I thought of what happened this weekend and completely forgot about her until now. And now it doesn't even faze me. Seems like I'm over her :)
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:55 pm

If I am to follow the Seduction Triangle model by TheDoctor, I can see what is going on. When I found GC, I began working on my fundamentals right away. Mostly body language, walk, posture, social calibration and so on. Later I focused clothes and voice. Then I reached a plateau where I didn't get better, but I didn't get worse either. I just focused on my fundamentals. I tried to focus on my seduction skill for some time, but I should have worked on my mindset. And THAT is what I have been doing the last couple of months. And I can see how that has been paying off these days.

I am realizing this mindset shift within me. What could I probably mean? Well... I am slowly but steady becoming the man I have been aiming for the last year and a half. But only recently have I really put in the effort to become this man more. This is also the person I was back in high school; the person with good vibes and making people's days by sharing a good amount of laughter here and there. A carefree person who truly cares about the people around him and helps those he can help. I also see it now between lectures where I am building up social momentum with the girls mostly. I have never been more out of my head than these last couple of days. I am not afraid of talking to or touching girls (and even some of my closest guys for that matter - but that's just platonic, I promise ;)). I honestly can't remember when I've felt this good and carefree. I feel a better genunine connection with the girls for some reason, and I can sense that some of them feel it too. I think what I really have realized is that talking to girls in order to get sexual (or otherwise non-platonic) with them doesn't really matter. I should just take chances because that's life, and I have really nothing to lose. Another girl will be around the corner, waiting for me :))

I'll be honest though: initiating conversations can be hard, and finding something to relate to can also be hard. But if I reach that god damn hook point, it's a smooth ride from there.

Okay, so on to the girls..

Mary, the 18 year old from my last post came over Friday and stayed the night. Not even 2 minutes passed before we began to wrestle a little bit and fuck shortly after. We fucked twice in the evening and once in the morning before I had to go study. I felt that overall I performed worse than our first days of fucking. Yet, once we 69'ed, it was on. I hate foreplaying too much with her because I only see her as a casual partner. But maybe I have to forget about that and prolong the foreplay. During this session I discovered that she can't handle being teased that much. I love teasing her, but might have to tone that down a little.

The next girl: I mentioned her in my last post

a-jay wrote:There's a girl I met during the last term, and she happens to go to the same lectures as me on this term. I'll write about her in the upcoming days as I see some potential.


We happened to be seated next to each other during a couple of lectures last Monday or Tuesday. And because I have been too much out of my head since last week, I only remember one thing that happened: the teacher's mic was turned down, and I asked if he could turn it up. She said to me in that partly annoyed and partly playful way: "you're so demanding!", I say "yes" and look at her afterwards, don't remember what face, but it was most likely a sexy one. She was smiling her usual huge smile which is the most attractive thing I know about her. But that's about what I remember. Everything else we talked about is a blur right now. I remember some touching here and there between the lectures. I'm only assuming attraction with her so it must be time to move things forward when the chance occurs.

I have met a couple of other girls during these lectures. Today I clicked so good with one of them, it even amazed me. I thought there must be a catch. And was I right: this girl, 23 year old like myself, got married last winter. Too bad. I don't want a reputation as a marriage destroyer, yet I feel I have put myself out there and can't retreat from that now. But I have to. So I'll keep conversation platonic with her, but I'll maintain those good vibes and touches like nothing has happened. One thing that just distracts me from those thoughts is that I asked her "how do you stay together for all those years?" and I could tell she quickly thought of the right respons "You meet the right person". On the outside I was happy for her, but on the inside I felt something was off about the way she answered. She didn't seem genuinely happy about it. I better take precautions about letting her too close (even if she wants this). I could be misinterpretating things, but my instincts are usually right in these cases.

Later today I met yet another girl, a complete stranger, who was a promoter. I wrote about her here. I regard this one as a huge victory because I didn't try to hide anything. I wanted to meet her again and thought I should get her number. So I did.

Earlier in this pos I wrote that I should just take chances because I really have nothing to lose. And that is what I did. The connection was there, the feelings were there, so why not give it a shot? It might lead to something, or it might lead to nothing.

Either way, I'm satisfied with how the big picture looks right now. My fundamentals are way better than they were two years ago, and my mindset has changed for something better for the last couple of months. Now it might be time to work on some actual skills. I will think about that for my next post. Time to sleep zZz
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Oct 07, 2016 10:40 am

A quick update.

I have only been seing the now 22-year old OkCupid girl two times now as she is busy with her studies and all that other stuff which musician students do. She is the kind of girl I might only see one or two times at month, but I'm totally fine with it. She's much of a teaser like myself ;))

I also see the 18-year old once every week. Totally cool with her. But she hates my hairy body hahaha. She has only four spots she touches on me: my neck, my back, my dick and my balls - all my hairless spots :P

Tinder isn't going that great. I matched with like 15 girls over a one month period (damn, I'm unattractive lol). Two of them unmatched immediately, a couple of them didn't answer my opener, another couple did answer my opener, but stop answering later. Some of them, I didn't even bother to open.

I am dating one of the Tinder-girls right now. She's 20 or 21, very cultural and in search of events that can make her feel a very particular atmosphere. First date was a spontaneous one in a coffee shop a week ago. The physical barrier got broken down little by little, and we seemed to connect just fine. The second date was yesterday in downtown area and around it. (Note to self: The set-ups for both dates were tricky, remember it for now). We met close to a tall church, and I suggested we entered it to see if we could get on top of it. The touches were getting more frequent. I had to get home to relax before a meeting in the evening, so I made her walk with me to the bus - which was the opposite way of what she had wanted to go lol. We sat waiting for it, still a lot of touching. I noticed I got in my head for the first time with her because I felt like kissing her, and thought "it's not a big deal". When I saw my bus was about to arrive, I looked her in the eyes and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. She will be leaving for a one-month holiday Sunday morning, and I might not get a chance to bang her before that. But she's not letting me either. So I'm thinking I'm doing something very wrong by kissing her. Whatever.. I can always end things if I'm not getting what I want. Besides that kiss, I have set the right frame to her: I have my own things to do, I'm not her shopping guy, I am a sinner religiously speaking (remember the church), I'm not afraid of touching her, I've made it clear that I want her to come visit me and even used plausible deniability to do that. Yet, I don't think she's gonna visit me, so I should seriously consider ending things before they get out of hands. Proceed with caution.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Oct 28, 2016 9:42 pm

Am I the only one that hates making up names for girls?

Anyway.. Mary told me she banged a guy last month without protection, and the guy told her today that he was infected with chlamydia. Good thing I already had scheduled an appointment to get checked for STD's even though I only fuck her with condoms. Besides that, we have had great sex as usual. But she told me she needed a "sex-break". First she asked if I felt she was as tight as usual. Tbh I don't remember if she was tighter or looser than usual, so I just said it feels the same to me. However, she doesn't get the same physical sensations during sex like she got the first month we fucked. The pleasure is completely the same, but the butterflies in her stomach and the shaking fingers she felt before, have all disapperead. So she wanted that "sex-break" to explore if it was because we had sex too often (once every week), and instead of intercourse we could do oral and other stuff. No problem. She just left for another country today and will return next weekend.

The girl from Okcupid will now go by the name Paula. We met yet again yesterday and had the greatest sex I can possibly remember. After I ejaculated which she knew, she said it was impressive how I moved so fluent during intercourse - and yeah, I made her tight pussy feel just how great I am at that even if the sensation was unbearable for my oversensitive penis ;)

The girl from Tinder in my last post.. let's call her Anna. She returned from her holiday sooner than expected, and we set up a new meeting almost immediately on Monday. Her tone in her texts has changed since yesterday, and the dynamic is set: she is the chaser, I am the chased. I actually love texting her, can't remember the when I had such a fun time texting a girl :) She might know what's coming next, and she seems insecure about it. I will deal with that, should it be necessary.

And then something surprising happened.. guess who I ended up matching on Tinder? It's someone I mentioned in another post in my journal

a-jay wrote:The next girl: I mentioned her in my last post

a-jay wrote:
There's a girl I met during the last term, and she happens to go to the same lectures as me on this term. I'll write about her in the upcoming days as I see some potential.


We happened to be seated next to each other during a couple of lectures last Monday or Tuesday. And because I have been too much out of my head since last week, I only remember one thing that happened: the teacher's mic was turned down, and I asked if he could turn it up. She said to me in that partly annoyed and partly playful way: "you're so demanding!", I say "yes" and look at her afterwards, don't remember what face, but it was most likely a sexy one. She was smiling her usual huge smile which is the most attractive thing I know about her. But that's about what I remember. Everything else we talked about is a blur right now. I remember some touching here and there between the lectures. I'm only assuming attraction with her so it must be time to move things forward when the chance occurs.


So what should I call this one? Let's just call her Juliet for fun's sake, even though things are no way as romantic as Shakespeare's novel. Well... we matched on Tinder, and I am actually ashamed that we end up moving things forward because of a god damn dating app. But opportunities should be taken advantage of. And for the sake of experimenting, I asked for whether coffee or hot chocolate, and once she answered hot chocolate, I told her to text me on my phone number. And she did... after 5 days which was Tuesday or Wednesday last week. But I was so busy, I told her to wait for me to text her this week. And I did, but she only has time next week. So I suggested two days: Tuesday or Saturday, and she agreed to Tuesday. I asked her if she knew a certain coffee shop. "No, but I can feel that I will get to know it ;)". Oh my dear, that is definitely the plan.

And lastly, I approached a woman today during university bar event. No number this time, but a rejection that did not hurt. Didn't state my interest at all, I was actually just enjoying the conversation. But enjoying a conversation doesn't equal anything really.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Nov 06, 2016 6:23 pm

I have been sick for almost a week, and I'm waiting for results on my STD test since I might have caught some STD I'm not aware of. I know Mary fucked one of her recent partners without protection, and he was recently diagnosed with chlamydia. I'm avoiding sexual activities for the moment. I had to cancel the two dates I had set up this week.

It affected my date with Anna that was scheduled last Monday - I cancelled it. We have been texting back and forth to find a new date,but damn we're two stubborn people. It seems we won't able to meet until Tuesday 9 days from now. We had a plan for today, but luckily she had to cancel because of assignments she was late to get done. I persisted a couple of times, but no effect. I remembered I was waiting for my STD test results - and now I was glad she cancelled. She threw a test my way today, and the timing was so bad because I was so tired, and I was literally about to get more sick by reading the first message which took over an hour to reply to

Her: I want to take it nice and slow so we get to know each other. If you understand what I mean by that
Me: We can wait to meet again for 3-4 months then. That is nice and slow to me ;)
Her: You wanna get to know me that way?
Me: Not sure which way you mean? (I see now this is the baddest respons I can come up with when I was joking before lol)
Her: One can't get to know one another by meeting up again 3-4 months from now
Me: Right. But I think things are happening with the right speed. We know each other very well, and I don't doubt anything ("I don't doubt anything"? lol mate)
Her: Okay *heart*


I had no clever line to bring up to the table, and my respons is so clumsy haha. But it seems like a "passed test", though it was way more different that I expected it to be

Right now, we were just texting about our next meeting, and she added how she is patient around me and likes it (well, we are not giving each other much choice, are we now?). I threw in a classic here:

Me: I hope you don't say that to get in my pants ;) Sleep tight *kiss-smiley*
Her: Haha I do ;) Sweet dreams *heart*


Maybe the vibe is eering a little too much on the boyfriend-end rather than the lover-end, but I should keep the texting to a minimum until we are going to plan our next date.

Juliet - the second date I had to cancel this week. I told her I would text her again once I was cured. And nothing has happened since then. Will text her once I know my schedule for the next week.

Mary got back yesterday, hornier than ever. The "sex-break" was apparantly the baddest idea she ever did, and she made sure I knew she would explode like a bomb once I touched her. I mean, yeah, that's what I do.. make people explode like a bomb when I touch them.

The disease + lack of sex and women have admittedly made my ego take a hit, it feels like I'm back to square one. But once I get back, it'll be better ;)

No new girls. Or, there might be one from my new job even though I don't know the policy of dating coworkers.. maybe she'll qualify herself to get some space in this journal :)
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Dec 30, 2016 10:49 pm

So I made a long ass post about 2016, but I decidede to save it as a draft because I didn't want to look at it afterwards, it's too fucking long and boring.. so made a tldr instead. Here it is:

- Generally, I have to be better to manage my time for both big stones (education, work, friends, family, workout) and small stones (girls, parties, creative stuff etc.) Work efficiently and balanced.

- On the same note, stop thinking anything can go 100 % as planned. Rest when needed. Don't chase perfectionism, but have fun.

- I should let girls break up with me without being butthurt in the end just because things didn't go my way. I might meet them on the streets again, but not on good terms.. that sucks, to be honest

- I have no clue how girls in a sexual or romantic for that matter make my life better, but they don't make it worse at the same time. Maybe they are just not the right women in my life?

- Like any other skill.. once you've done sex enough times, and you can't or won't think of other ways to take it to new heights.. it becomes trivial and boring. But I won't deny the fact that it is nice, and it helps to have someone(s) confirm you're doing a good job.. but that's pretty much it

- Regardless, I'm still going to take chances with girls if I meet some interesting ones. I have nothing to lose. Ask questions on GC when needed.

- Extra: focus mostly on feeling good and to some level on fundamentals (especially body language, voice and eye contact). Let the intuition do the actual gaming.

Happy new year, guys!
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Hue » Fri Jan 06, 2017 1:55 am

Yo, great to see you're getting a better picture of what you want.. I think that's huge.

I saw you've been meeting up with some Tinder / okCupid girls.

When you go from matches --> numbers --> meeting up, what's your game plan?

I'm currently using somewhat of a "system" of screens to throw them to see if they're a good candidate for hooking up, and keep it pretty direct.
I never have to do this if the girl actually shows some energy / initiative to engage in the convo, but a lot of the matches send SUPER cold texts.
A lot of times I'll ask why their on Tinder, gauge from there, and usually flat out respond that "I'm trying to hook up with girls who seem worth the time" unless they're engaged, in which case it's easy to flirt with them and make things about sex.

I've noticed when it comes down to actually meeting up, a lot of girls simply aren't down.

The vibe I get from their texts so far is that
a. They're scared I'm a crazy person
b. They don't want to go fuck some random dude
c. They want to fuck but not enough to accept the logistics (one of these girls is 10 miles away, car-less, and her parents allegedly watch her like a hawk. I'd have to bang her in mine)


If you have a general sense of how you go about it, I'd like to hear it.


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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Jan 06, 2017 8:46 pm

Hey Hueman, and happy new year bro :)

I'm not experienced in online dating at all.. I'm using my intuition in most cases. And when I don't use it, I read some GC articles or forum posts to get some ideas. Those girls you have read about since September, are the only ones I have met, so they are the ones I can draw any similarities from.

Hueman wrote:When you go from matches --> numbers --> meeting up, what's your game plan?


As I said, I'm using my intuition in most cases because no girls are completely alike. But when I think about it, I have some kind game plan;

Opening, small talk, number close, date set up, date.

One thing I'm a big fan of is opening with something that is related to her. Besides Drexel's "Oh oh here comes trouble" and a random one "Insert creative opening line here", the personal openings are by far those that give me responses back. Examples:

With Paula, the OkCupid girl, something along the lines of "I couldn't believe we were a match at first, but now that I've read your profile, I see why we have a match percent over 80 ;)" This caught her attention. I somewhat qualified her with that opener, and she asked me to elaborate why I thought so. My respons was long and probably way below GC standards. In short, I said what we had in common judging from what I had read in her profile. She bought it anyway.

I think the opener is definitely the most important thing because this is usually where you have the best chance of reaching the hook point online.

You won't lose anything by a little small talk, but keep it on a minimum to feel her out. If you feel anything that resembles a good vibe, initiate number close. It may take many messages to reach that vibe, it may take a few. Don't be surprised if it takes a couple of days.

If she's still giving you the chills, just move things forward for fun or move on to another one.

When closing I split it in two.

    Message 1: You seem nice (personal reason), I'd like to meet you sometime soon. What are you into during the winter, ice creams or hot drinks? (invitation)"

    She answers one of the options or something else.

    Message 2: "ay, that's cool. Let me have your number, and we'll set something up :)"

Once you have her number, you try to set up a date in the way that GC prescribes... But to be honest, that has never happened to me once.. like I said, no girls are alike, so let me put it like this: one doesn't mind you taking the lead, the next wants to take it all herself. Then they go travel, they visit their family etc. and you have to tell her "bummer, let's try again when you get back :)" What matters in the end, is that you are dating on your term.

Don't do any chitchats before the first date. Only use it to set up the date and tell her that you are looking forward to seeing her :)

Hueman wrote:I'm currently using somewhat of a "system" of screens to throw them to see if they're a good candidate for hooking up, and keep it pretty direct.
I never have to do this if the girl actually shows some energy / initiative to engage in the convo, but a lot of the matches send SUPER cold texts.
A lot of times I'll ask why their on Tinder, gauge from there, and usually flat out respond that "I'm trying to hook up with girls who seem worth the time" unless they're engaged, in which case it's easy to flirt with them and make things about sex.


I remembered I had bookmarked one of Drexel's FR, a Tinder convo. You'll like it because it provides you a conversation tool to screen easier ;)

I'm not at a level where I can pull things off the way Drexel does, and at this point I don't know if I want to.

But I wished I had stated my intentions with my latest girl, Anna, before she decided to leave me. How would I not do it?

I never state my intentions already the chat, and I have completely stopped to ask girls what brings them to Tinder (no responses ever).. If you have a regular or semi-interesting conversation with some flirting, you just don't talk about those things yet.. you keep it light. I think it's too soon to do that during the chat. Not even if she's making an effort to make a good conversation would I do it. I think girls get creeped out because of this.. I'll admit that I have been creepy on Tinder myself when I took the wrong approach to some girls and lost them. But stating what I want without being asked to is weird.. however, no one will be led on! And that's one hell of an advantage for being direct.

What could I have done instead?

I got a tip from a female friend who said "then state your intentions indirectly?". She meant that I should have asked Anna during the date about the kind of sex she prefers, but specifically dive deeper into her views on casual sex. She should get the idea of where the conversation is heading.. and if she asks about my opinion, say all the good stuff, be non-judgemental and all that :) I think for a date that it's overdoing it, but I get it.. and might even try it

I think an important thing that remains is that she should get the idea that you are simply a human being (with good fundamentals) who can run a normal conversation (which involves flirting with her and being a little interesting), and you happen to be looking for someone to hook up with. At least that has worked for me..

Hope this helps a little ;) Happy new year bro
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Hue » Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:49 pm

Happy new year to you as well my man.

You're probably right, people should probably show a little more intrigue before being that direct.

From Drexel's FR, it looks like he's indirect until he's able to be a bit more direct, as a form of screening.
That shit is masterful; it combines multiple different tools written about on GC.

I think an important thing that remains is that she should get the idea that you are simply a human being (with good fundamentals) who can run a normal conversation (which involves flirting with her and being a little interesting), and you happen to be looking for someone to hook up with. At least that has worked for me..


Right, that you're attractive, not a creep (able to run a convo), and on here to hook up. Being indirect about the last part seems essential until you know compliance is almost certain... or else they'll likely auto reject.

And doing so in a way that turns her on is huge, it's like she hardly has a decision to make.

Thanks for the info bro

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Jan 15, 2017 6:26 pm

This post is a side note to look at my growth personal-wise. I'll make a couple of these, but I'll keep this journal focused on what happens with girls.

Process with girls will come down after the personal note.

------
Okay, so like my New Years post, I had originally written a novel and decided to save it as a draft paper only. But I'll cut the novel down to the essentials in this post.

This term is finally over, and I had my only exam two days ago (it was a big one). I'm surprised, like really surprised at the whole process. There are definitely elements I can use from my final studying and the exam itself.

Because I had surgery in December, I took time off from studying. I used approximately two weeks to rest and stay at my parents', and the last two weeks to study full time. To be honest, I didn't really study for the exam before surgery. That's basically me in a nutshell for the last two or three years: only studying for good at the very end. But this time was a little different because I discovered a system that worked for me, and it'll probably work in all cases (at least on short term, but I have a feeling it'll work long as well):

- Repetition
- Flow (my term for momentum)
- Outcome independence and confidence


Right now I'm looking for a way of living that works for me. And I'll stick with this system for now and apply to other parts of my life.

I have been thinking about a new way to meet girls besides/instead of online. And the thing is, while I have been pretty much all around now (meeting through social circles, a little from cold approach and doing some online gaming, and all this resulting in a handful of numbers or sex), I've never stuck to any of them consistently.

But I want to get back into the habit of cold approaching. There are a lot of reasons why.. but let's say I want to challenge myself with this system that worked during my final studying. And since I have been so full of myself the last couple of months, let's see if I can project it to my conversations in real life, or if I will chicken out :D

I'll delete Tinder and okcupid for the time being as even getting matches have been non-existing.

When will I begin cold approaching? When I can manage to walk properly (surgery, ya know).
------

Alright, on to the girls..

Late November, Anna "dumbed" me because I wouldn't reciprocate her actions (= her feelings). I had invited her to my place on our 3rd meeting, and while she was accepting my invitation, she was having second thoughts the day before. We talked about it on the phone, and I just played things cool (is what I like to tell myself lol). But I made her come over, and we had some great sex. We met again a couple of days later where I stayed at her place. But right now, I wonder if this was a good idea with an expressive emotional girl like her. She had made dough for bread rolls to have me eat breakfast with her. I thought it was nice, but.. she was not going to get my love with blobs of dough. At one point during the breakfast, she put her hand on my own like it was an accident, and I wasn't phased at all. I was enjoying the moment until that point, for some reason.. anyway, she called me two or three days later, telling me she didn't feel it was right. I'm not sure if this was a test.. but either way, I didn't care. I was upfront about my "true" intentions, and she said some things about meeting a new guy, and whatnot.. lately, I have come to think she was just saying all this to make me jealous or protect her ego. But she decided to end things, which I'm cool with.

One thing I did wrong, was talking about all this on the phone. I should have scheduled to meet her and talk face to face instead.
And of course, staying at one's place is bad with a girl like her. Mary is quite the opposite, and she usually spends the night which is no problem as we have no romantic feelings for each other. But when I meet a girl like Anna, I better think twice about spending the night.

Anyway, Anna has tried to get in touch with me again.. once before NYE, and then again a couple of days ago. Texted her the last time that I am studying for the final and wouldn't be near my phone. She didn't answer. But I don't care because I'm trying to learn to let go of things no matter how long they lasted. If she calls me again, I don't mind answering her call to see what she has to say, but nothing further. And unless there's a point to the conversation (and the conversation itself not being the point), I'm gonna hang up.

Juliet also got in touch with me again a couple of days ago.. I had scheduled a date with her back in November, but I got ill.. and when I was cured, she didn't respond to my rescheduling text. Now she got back to me, and I told her to wait until our final was over, but I was down afterwards. I'll get to her tomorrow.

Otherwise, nothing new with my existing partners =) stay tight fellas
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Thu Jan 19, 2017 8:54 pm

Finally managed to schedule a lunch date with Juliet. It's going down on Monday. I chose a place to get some food which is close to me, 5 minute bus ride. However, she seems to always be busy during the evenings, so had to go the lunch route. I could have scheduled for coffee, but I wanted to try this new place and told her to join me.

At this point, I'm not sure I'm attracted to her that much.. I have been distracted (in the good way) by so many things lately that, besides her warm smile, I barely remember what it is I even like about her.. but oh well, what do I have to lose. She might surprise me :)

Judging from our upcoming term, I think the best game plan is to try and pull her the same day. I'll reread some of the good ol' GC articles tomorrow to set a time frame and what goals to reach in that frame.

If it's impossible to pull her on the first date for some reason, I'll invite her to my place for the second date. The second date must happen within the next week because there is a high probability she will not have time afterwards. I know which courses she'll be taking on the next term.. and unless I make a good impression, I think it's unlikely she'll have time. On the other hand, if I'm not impressed by her, it's me that won't have time for her..

Not saying it's game over if things don't escalate in that week, but it's very likely it will be

The fact that she's a fellow student worries me a bit. Can I invite her too soon to my place? I don't think so. Think it depends how it's done. But I'll reread those articles and come up with something like a plan. Just a few key words.

I deleted Tinder and Okcupid for now. And tomorrow I'll hit the streets.
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Mon Jan 23, 2017 5:50 pm

Ok, I did hit the streets Friday, but I was so busy I barely noticed any girl... soooo nothing.

I went to the lunch date with the lovely Juliet today, and we ended at my place and fucked. I'll write a detailed LR of the date when I have more time :-)
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:52 pm

Fun fact: as I was writing the LR about Juliet, I decided to drop it. I don't really feel like it because getting a lay doesn't really feel like an accomplishment anymore (like it did when I wrote my lays from last year). It's just something you do with girls you like, and whom like you. I don't use any particular tactics besides being the most attractive version of myself on the inside and outside.

But I will write right here which things caught my attention afterwards
    - I was high value in her eyes, and that's probably why I worried about attainability back at my place. As a result, I qualified her on some things that doesn't really matter to turn up my attainability.
    - Because I was high value, she framed me as the impressive guy and herself as the one to impress the hard-to-impress a-jay.
    - She gave an objection while escalating to sex about being on her period. I told her "so what?" while smiling and with a tone of "it doesn't matter". she was like "You serious? Wow, you're so cool".
    - And because of her period, we hit the showers to fuck there.


She reminds a little bit of my on and off FWB from high school, except I like this one way more. Even though we study the same, I got the feeling that she could be someone to help me pursue my dreams towards world domination - or maybe just whatever ambitions I have ;)

She's the first lay since GC-discovery that I would consider a lover. Let's see where things will go from here :)
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:43 pm

Ever since I had Juliet over at my place, things have not really escalated further. I texted her a week after to set up a new meeting, and she dogded it, telling me that she wanted to meet, but she had personal things to care of, but we should keep in touch. I was understanding, but as time is passing, my interest for her is slowly getting shattered to bits. It's frustrating. That was two weeks ago.. I texted her again this morning, asking how she was, and suggesting a warm drink like we had initially agreed to do on our first date. It's night soon, and she hasn't responded yet, frustrating me further.. going dark like that makes you wonder if something happened to that person :( At this point I'm not even sure what her intentions are, or whether I did fuck up from my end. Maybe she does have personal stuff bothering her at the moment and need time to sort them out, and me being around won't help that. Either way, I'm not gonna be bothered by it anymore. I believe I have done what I can from my end, and maybe too much by texting her a second time. As we are only dating, I'm not going to make a big deal out of the situation. Unless she makes up her mind and contacts me first from this point on, I'm gonna go dark as well and pretend she is not in my circle of girls anymore. It will be hard in the beginning because I really do like her. She is the first girl in a long time where I really have the feeling that I want to see our story unfold. But I will have to suck it up and move on if it's a dead end.

Personal note
I have had some issues with getting hard lately. It's still there somewhat, and I cancelled with one of my girls because of that. But something amazing happened in the bus on my way back from uni today. For a couple minutes, I started seeing images in my head of the girls I have laid the last couple of months, and how I was doing some dominating actions to them during foreplay and intercourse. From the arousal that followed, I felt that urge to just bend a woman with some attractive hair over right there in the bus, fuck her from behind and pull her stunning hair meanwhile (it stayed an urge). It makes me think I have not done quiet enough to get aroused lately... there could also be other reasons, but I'm gonna go with lack of sufficient arousal for now and see if getting more aroused is the missing piece.
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Tue Feb 14, 2017 5:26 pm

So Juliet texted me back this Sunday, even apologizing for texting a couple of days late. I want to believe that she's genuinely having a bad time, but something seems off in her text.. she's being to nice about it.. and I'm suspecting that she just doesn't want to see me again for sexual purposes.. I have no clue where things went "wrong". Everything went so smoothly during our date. Maybe too smoothly..? Anyway, it's already been a month since the date, and I'll just have to suck it up for now. I want to tell myself that she might come back eventually. But by logic I know odds are very, very low. I've definitely caught oneitis for this girl.. but as I'm typing this and understanding it, it's easier for me to move on. And I'm thinking that I shall reach a state of absolute abundance eventually.

I can only learn one thing from this lesson: no matter how much a woman seems into you, she might only meet you once to cross you out of her bucket list. It doesn't matter if she realizes this before or after you meet - the point is that she realizes it at some point. And why does she do it? Who knows... it's hard to tell when I did one thing in my head that seemed right, and she just went along. aaargg... movin' on

I remember another girl a couple of years ago where we had a makeout at a party. It's funny though.. the stories of party girl and Juliet are almost exactly the same.. both study same as me, I met them both a long time (like a year or two) before we exchanged certain body fluids, and neither of them wanted to meet afterwards. Seems like I'm only good for one-time things with girls from my campus, maybe because I'm an exotic foreigner :P should I change it? I'll have to think about it..

I'll have to keep searching in the pond of women.

Observation
I was studying with a friend in a coffee shop today. Eventually a couple in their 40's/50's sat on the couch across to us. I watched them with sneaky looks. It was fun to observe their body languages. The woman was mostly smiling while the man just sat with a closed mouth and raised eyebrows. They were just keeping the tension like that. The man always seemed a little disinterested, but just enough. He didn't smile one single time, not even with a closed mouth. The woman always initiated the kisses and touching - she just happened to fall into his right arm where she felt comfy. Funny how these kind of non-verbal games, from the outside perspective, seem like they are just having the time of their lives.
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:10 pm

Saving this article, "How to Talk About Yourself on Dates", for future use
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Mon Feb 20, 2017 6:12 pm

Just some constructive rants

Mindset, Generally Speaking
Seems like all girls in my sex circle are being buzzkills at the moment.. It's a stressful time indeed. It makes me wonder if it's worth to go through all this stress by meeting new girls.

But then I think about the benefits of doing all of this. I can develop from all these experiences. I can become the man I have always aspired to be: the powerful, successful, special guy.

How tough am I really? How will I keep moving forward despite setbacks? I have been through a lot of setbacks the last couple of years in all fields of interest, I know what it looks like. It's been easy to just back down once things get a little challenging. I'm tired of that. I'm mostly tired of my thoughts shifting to the extreme side of giving up and me giving in to those thoughts. That can't be an option to become successful and overcome challenges. I should accept that I have such thoughts, but what I should not do, is listening to them and letting them influence what I end up doing.

Mindset Around GF Prospects
I'm just beginning to understand what it's like to see women with gf glasses vs casual glasses. Now I've seen with gf glasses twice: Anna first, then Juliet. And I had developed some oneitis for both and played it safe... For someone who emphasizes on having an outcome independent mindset, it's amazing that I forgot it around them. And I feel like banging my head on a wall time after time to let sink in for good. But I guess the reasonable solution is to see all future gf prospects with casual glasses first and being outcome independent always. Follow Blackdragon's model: always view them as FB's first, and move to the different gf territories later.

I'll have to make some ground rules as I gain more experience.

Plan?
Meet new girls, duh.

Quick Note on Recent Experience
Just this weekend, I was studying in a coffee shop and saw the most sexy woman I had seen in a while. Beautiful woman, probably in her late 20's! It's been some time since I experienced such arousal. I've never wanted to meet a woman so bad and not feel ashamed about it. I just let myself feel the sensation this time (= didn't open her).

I think it's worthy to mention this change in how I didn't feel ashamed about approaching her for her sexy appearance. Wonder how things will turn out next time.. I'm a little excited :)
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sat Mar 04, 2017 6:34 pm

My Circle of Girls Is Down to 1
Seems like I won't be fucking Mary anymore, at least not anytime soon. That means I'm only seeing Paula for sex for the time being.

Mary can't get over the guy she was/is in love with. And because of certain circumstances, she can't talk to anybody close to her about it, but me and her best friend. She's a little naïve about the whole thing and wants to take some kind of revenge, but I just think she wants his attention. He's definitely occupying her mind.. It's mindblowing.. for her to reveal certain details about the whole situation and her thoughts and actions, it must have taken quite a deal for her. But she must trust me as well..

This made me wonder what her intentions really were when we first began fucking.. it actually hurts inside me when all I am to her is somebody she just wanted to fuck and be a friend with.. :D I didn't really elicit any emotions in her. But this guy is doing it all.

My Ego Is Being Challenged a Lot Recently. Return of the Humble a-jay?
I realize one thing... I can talk the talk... but not walk the walk.

The one thing I hate most in my journey of seduction mastery, is that I have experienced most stages of such a journey before in another setting. Thus, I want to believe I know it all and all the ways to do things. The sad part is I don't...

And I experience emotions I also did when I was younger. And I mean the "bad" emotions that come from me being insecure and ego-protecting.

Besides my oneitis for Juliet, this insecurity of mine might have played a role in the emotions I felt.. why would a girl like her that I satisfied this much, postpone us meeting again?? That was my thought pattern..

It also explains why I am envious of the guy Mary is in love with.. even though he's going about it the wrong way imo, he's making her feel all those emotions that I want girls to feel. And it hurts me to see that he's actually doing it.. and I probably only made a couple of girls feel it all in my teen years.

My New Year post was supposed to make some guidelines for which priorities I should have.. and I tried to make myself believe that I was being as flexible as possible. But because I put girls on the "small stone" priority, it resulted in me believing I had found the right way of living and knowing everything there is to know about girls.. but it's far from it.

I wanted to settle with that level of experience.. which is far from enough.

Nothing can go 100 % as planned, but I think I've definitely made a priority mistake when I put girls in the small stones box..

There's always room to improvement. AL-FUCKING-WAYS. In every fucking field.

So, New Goals
Get back on online apps
Master cold approach during the day to get rid of that freaking ego. Learn to be vulnerable. Stop only looking at attractive women..
Stop making life long guidelines.. just make priorities for nothing less than a couple of days, and nothing more than a month. Nothing else is necessary.

Future Posts in my Journal
Less ridiculous posts about how I'm thinking.. more awesome posts about new girls I'm meeting!

Edit: And perhaps I should stop using the "deathbed" argument in the other threads when I can only live by it myself in everything, but my women life... I feel like I'm being a fraud for using it, but maybe I have some things to learn myself..
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Thu Apr 20, 2017 7:14 pm

Mindset Struggles
From my last post:

a-jay wrote:Nothing can go 100 % as planned, but I think I've definitely made a priority mistake when I put girls in the small stones box..

There's always room to improvement. AL-FUCKING-WAYS. In every fucking field.


Addition: It's all about knowing when something is a big or small stone at the given time.. and me making these long term priorities was overthinking.

A lot of overthinking is turning around these days. I have taken measures for the times when I think too much in general because I could probably win the world cup in overthinking. I have also taken a lot of notes recently in order to overcome overthinking and even talked to my father about it. He has offered some splendid piece of advice.

I'm trying to apply it in cold approaches. I don't really feel any anxiety at all, but I get distracted by my mind and try to predict outcomes. Everytime I predict outcomes, two things happen: I overthink, and I'm not outcome independent. It has turned into a couple of opportunities, but way more missed opportunities. So it's about shooting before allowing myself to think. Or thinking the right things. It works in some situations, but cold approaching is hard as ever.

Latest Approaches
Sometime ago in a coffee shop, I see a girl with an anatomy book I'm very familiar with. I've studied it to no ends, so I open when I was on my way to the bathroom:

Me: Is that *the book*?
Her: Yes, it is!
Me: So you must either be a med student or upcoming physiotherapist?
Her: Med student indeed! What about you?
Me: Med student as well.

And we go to talk about some insignificant stuff before I am on my way to the bathroom.
When she's about to leave, she wishes me luck with university. I tell her likewise.


Mistakes: When I return, I didn't engage again at any point. And also I didn't tell her to stay even though I wanted her to.

On my vacation in the Eastern, I was in a clothing store and got eye contact with a fairly attractive woman, probably in her mid 30's. We keep the eye contact and smile as we're passing by each other. I never had this happen before, but it was an exciting moment.

After I returned, I've focused on getting out and meet new people once again. Tuesday I opened a girl in Starbucks sitting right next to me because the sun was shining, but it started to snow out of nowhere. I found out she was foreigner (didn't speak local language), but I left the conversation after we talked about the snow. Mistake: with such an obvious topic (her being a foreigner) to continue the conversation with, just take that opportunity

Today in the bus, the girl next to me is reading the book "The Ethical Slut". I wanted to tell myself back then "Huge Green Light!!!" but didn't. This could have been an interesting conversation to start indeed.

Later in the gym, I teased the receptionist because one of their machiens didn't work. She asked if I hated this place now, and I said with a wink and teasing tone "I really hate this place". But anyway, this kind of small talk bantering is easy, and it's okay to do it, but it doesn't get me anywhere. It's the escalation of conversations that give them any direction.

I feel like I have lost my social momentum for making such basic mistakes and not taking much action. But I guess I'll expose myself to these situations whenever I can to make something happen.

And Then What?
I just had a visit from Paula before I wrote this post. And she reminded unintentionally and unbeknownst to her why I should keep meeting new girls. It's quite simple actually: she and I have great sex, and why not try to find new sex partners to have great sex with? Now that I'm gradually getting over porn, and my Facebook is gone, there's not much room for distractions. Let's see where this is headed.
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby kristian » Fri Apr 21, 2017 3:34 pm

Love to see that you are writing again.

When it comes to anxiety and outcomes. When I become anxious is because I tend to think about "getting somewhere" with the girl, then I just shift my focus to just working on improving. My only outcome is to become better with women, not the actual woman in front of me.

Hope that helps.

- Kristian
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Apr 23, 2017 5:10 am

kristian wrote: My only outcome is to become better with women, not the actual woman in front of me.


Ironically, I teach a similar concept to my students, but forget to use it in areas where I'm improving myself lol. I'll keep it in mind next time out and write a summary later. Thanks bro!
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Apr 28, 2017 3:41 pm

I feel like throwing out a lot of my old clothes has been a very good decision. Everytime I look in my wardrobe, I only see nice looking clothes. To some degree it still shocks me that I have very few "chill" clothes. But a couple of interactions with waitresses have been very good lately. I can feel some underlying tones in their voices when I talk to them. Nothing significant at all, but I just noticed it yesterday with this blackhaired, white, tattooed girl in the bagel shop. There was actually something sexy about her.. I think it was her voice that made that impression on me. She wasn't all that good-looking to me, but there were definitely something intriguing about her. I wonder if a sexy male voice has the same impact on women... maybe I had the same impact on her as well?

Besides the bagel girl, I went out yesterday with outcome independence in mind. And guess what happened? Approach fucking anxiety hit me this time. WTF?

I realized that it was the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen when you approach someone in the streets that caused the anxiety.. I tried to tell myself logically that I must overcome this uncertainty, and that it wouldn't bother me later. But I didn't overcome it, and my momentum died rather quickly :D

I realized a couple of other things as well

- I started to feel I should approach women that were hot so it seemed "worth it". But everytime I saw some hot women, I knew they overdid their hotness (too much makeup or big butt in leggings). Obviously, I made up excuses to not approach anyone lol.

- I tend to forget my goal while out (finding new, amazing sex partners). But at the same time, I should care less about the outcome of any approach.... it's not like I'm going to propose to them or anything. But I'm trying the "this interaction will lead me to better interactions later"-style in future outings

So yeah.. no cold approaches with stated intentions again. Maybe I'm not ready to be so vulnerable from the get-go. For now, it's better to have some memorized openers to use in certain contexts. I think "Hey, how you doin'?" will be sufficient in most cases, like public transitions, lines, stores, malls etc. and then see where the conversation goes and what vibes I get. I know that I can compliment them later if necessary. But I admire those who can open direct. No bullshit, just a man stating his interest to a woman. She can take it or leave it. But I'll get there eventually :)

Next time I post in this journal, it will include interactions from cold approaching in the day. Admins may feel free to ban me if I don't keep my promise :)
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Mon May 15, 2017 2:16 pm

Okay, this was way harder than I thought it would be. I've managed to open some persons and vice versa, just some situational small talk.

Today, I was sitting at a transition and saw an attractive woman waiting for somebody. It took me a minute to get ready for approaching. I walked slowly towards her and simply asked "hey, do you speak *local language*?". As I'm asking, she checks me out in one second and replies "no" in the local language. I say okay and move on. LOL hiding the banana for good :'D
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Jun 11, 2017 6:43 pm

I met an attractive exchange student a couple of days ago when I was attending my internship, and she had just gotten there for an internship as well. Our talk until that point had been superficial because we could only talk at the workplace - and I didn't want everybody around us to know that it could be going down between us. But she seemed into me judging from her vibe, and she is returning to her home country in two weeks. I thought "why the hell not" and aksed her if she was down for coffee soon.

We exchanged contact info, and I texted her today. I wanted to get straight to ask for her schedule, but we didn't have any real rapport yet. So I asked her how her weekend had been. She tells me a minute later that her aunt had just passed away... I tell her I''m sorry for her loss, she replies thanks. I decide to assess the situation.

I'll admit I was being outcome dependent until she wrote this. Afterwards, I honestly didn't care how things would be going down. I don't care if she leaves, and we haven't had sex at that point. But might as well see how far I can push it.

On the one hand, and in all likelihood, she is telling the truth. And on the other hand, I was thinking she's using a rather aggressive screening or rejection tool. Why? Because girls... you never know with them. But I ditched the latter thought and went with the former.

I was thinking "If I push for the date, I'll look like an inconsiderate prick who doesn't take her circumstance into account. If I don't mention my intentions, she'll probably think what the hell I was up to then" (even though we talked about it briefly). What is the happy medium in such case?

I didn't know. I couldn't figure out what was the right move in such case and just went with my gut feeling - and the result of that would probably be considered a "bad" text. The rest of the conversation went like this:

ME: I get if you don't want to grab coffee, given the circumstances. But if you'd like some distraction anyway, just hit me up (:
Her: So if circumstances were better, you wouldn't get it? :b anyway, you're right, not in the mood right now. But maybe next week.
Me: I'm afraid not (; Take care
Her: You too

-My first message in this part of the convo was bad. Basically, I have surrendered all power to her.. first of all, I put thoughts into her head ( = telling her that I understand if she doesn't want to grab some coffee). How unnice of me.
-Second, I frame our meeting as a distraction for her. That's ok if she interpreted this as "low key, casual date between two sexy people".
-And then, I tell her to just hit me up.. and we all know how that goes.

So all in all, a bad text. What the hell am I supposed to do in such case?

Her reply was interesting though. She had time and energy to make fun of my statement about being understandable in this case. And then she gave me the "maybe next week". Ugh. However, she has left me with the impression that she is not as fazed as I immediately thought she would be. She is being so cool about it that it almost scares me.

She hasn't rejected me, but all she has left me with is that "little hope of maybe something happening" lol. Very bad place to be in, generally speaking.

(She just lost a family member, and all I can think about is whether I can get her to bed or not. But maybe she just needs a good dicking to get it out of her system... I don't know unless I try to get us to that point, do I?!)

As I'm writing this, I just saw in my schedule that I will not be able to do next week. Why? BEcause my last exam is Saturday next week (she knows this lol). but I had forgotten to check my schedule when she wrote maybe next week. I should text her again tomorrow that I might be able to meet later this week, but not next week of course.

If it happens, it happens. And if not, well, at least I tried. But I should work on my texts for next time I meet such objections and girls don't flat out reject the idea of grabbing coffee. But dear a-jay, by all means, stop putting thoughts into their heads, and don't surrender power to them (;
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Jun 16, 2017 5:50 pm

Don't know if I "blew it" with the exchange student. Nonetheless I couldn't get her to meet me while she's still here. I kept my texts short and to the point in order to make her meet again. I think she just wasn't interested in me because she didn't put in any effort to secure an appointment, but kept bringing up more reasons to not meet. Just maybe did I stand a better chance if I had better game.

Instead of auto-rejecting and making a bitter ending between us, I decided to be mature about it (unlike with Juliet). She told me to come visit her in her home country, and all I could reply was "If life offers me an opportunity to go there, I might.. but I might have forgotten all about you until then ;) Take care, and good luck with the rest of your studies!"

Anyway, I'm glad I pushed myself harder than I usually would for one reason: I don't have to worry about meeting her again anytime soon. Let that be a learning lesson for new girls as well.
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Jun 25, 2017 8:47 pm

Finally some well-deserved vacation! And I start it by making some vents about my current situation.

I have 11 weeks I can spend on really investing in myself. And I haven't given up on dealing with my fear of approaching during the day, thus, that is 11 weeks to really get myself into meeting women in the day.

As I put myself out there more, I see more and more what is stopping me from making any approaches...

I wrote on 28th April that I was probably not ready to be vulnerable. For all I know, that is probably EXACTLY what I must be. Vulnerability makes a lot of sense when I think about my teen years because I embraced it back then. I didn't care about any particular outcome, progress was all that really mattered. I just accepted my ridiculous flaws and imperfections, and other people were more than welcome to take them or leave them. But somewhere during all this, I must have "lost" my vulnerability. I can't think of a single event that has contributed to this... it's probably an accumulation of many events that eventually led me to "lose" it, so to speak. I can think of a couple of events back then, but it would be too much to write them here. It's the fact that I am and have been so seldomly vulnerable the last couple of years that matters.

I'm pretty sure that, deep down, I have had this feeling that women will sense something's off when I approach. I mean, why else have I not approached? Fear of rejection? Or fear of not letting her see my best, genunine self?

For me, it has come down to this: I want to relearn how to be vulnerable with people and myself. And no, writing in my journal won't help with that directly. I need real humans - real flesh and blood - to do this.

Without going too much into details, I will provide one example of me lacking vulnerabilty. I haven't written this here before this thorough, but when Camilla, my former long term fwb broke up with me last year, I spent 5 weeks in a terrible mood for one simple reason: I hadn't been completely honest with her. I pretended everything was fine when she had met this great guy and wanted to pursue a monogamous relationship with him, and thus, breaking up with me. I told her I didn't want to keep in contact with her because I was tired of this on-off thing we had going (bullshit). But the truth is, we could have ended on a very good note for once, had it not been for my invulnerability at that moment. And once those 5 weeks were past, I went over to her place, unannounced (okay, I had actually tried a couple of times before that, but she wasn't home......) with stuff she had left at mine. She told me to come in, and for the first time in a really long time, I just opened myself up to her again. I have never had so many tears rolling down in front of another person - it's not like I could control them at that moment, nor did I want to. I was disappointed in myself for letting her down like this because she didn't do anything to deserve such behavior from my end. She was disappointed and didn't buy it. I proposed we stayed friends, we didn't have to be sexual anymore. But she was fine without me. I felt better afterwards, now I could at least live with myself. I have seen her a handful of times since then, but of course she wants to get away from me immediately haha.

One lesson I learned from this experience, was to embrace my vulnerability once again - except it only lasted short term. My ego needed protection again once the shattered pieces of it found their way back together.

I have always wondered (and still wonder) if my ego really has anything to do with me not being able to approach... I still think it has some minor influence. However, I think my inability to be vulnerable is my biggest issue and has been for some time now. I know what I truly want in life and from women, and have known it for a very long time. For some reason, I have suppressed it or exchanged it for superficial, unimportant goals. I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of being tired.

So what are these things I want in life and from women...?

Simple. I have a life goal that is to live as healthy as possible. And with women, well, it comes down to having healthy relationships with them. One way to do this is connecting with them emotionally. God, how long have I not done this...? Seriously, I can only remember I did it with Paula (current fwb of 9 months or so) when I met her because I already perceived as her emotionally mature. But what has stopped me from doing it with everybody else?

Okay, enough for now. Let's conclude.

I want to embrace vulnerabilty once again because I unlearned it at some point. I stopped accepting myself (how is that even possible?), cared about others' approval of me again and did things that I didn't really want.

Women have always been my team players. I'm not sure why I ever began seeing them as something to conquer, but I did for some time. #insecurity #invulnerability #idiot

Honestly, I'm tired of caring. I just want to express my true, genuine self to the world. I want to accept who I am more than anything.

I have a fear of showing vulnerability I want to overcome. And one way of doing it, though not the ultimate way, is to be vulnerable with attractive women I don't know. I have 11 weeks before next term begins - and I'm SO excited about the changes I can make in this time !!

And if it doesn't work out.. nah, forget it. I will be optimistic about this :) keep you posted

Image
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:07 pm

That feeling when you're SO close to deliver a genuine compliment.. and you still don't manage to do it :D

I've been out 4 executive days now in the streets, downtown and a libary, yet no genuine compliments. However, I noticed today as it was getting late that I tried to keep my social momentum going by congratulating high school graduates and talking with few strangers about something situational going on (like 2 or 3 lines). I take this as my body trying to tell me that I need momentum and should continue being social with anyone. It makes sense, judging from the couple of weeks I managed to do some cold approaches last year. But eventually, I'll have to deliver a compliment and be able to just speak my mind in these cases.

I found a quite area of the libary today where I could visualize before getting back on the street. It actually helped to get me VERY close to do it haha. (Side note: I've done some visualization the last two weeks, also trying to make it a habit)

In my head, the handful of opportunities I passed up upon, could all have been so easy to do. But I chickened out. However, I'm very optimistic about the whole process right now because I can focus most of time on developing this part of my life and build general momentum. It'll be a great and memorable summer =)

For tomorrow (and probably for the next couple of days)
- Do my meditation routine when I wake up
- Visualize for 5-10 minutes just before going out with the brainwave app (not a habit yet, but it helps me focus on my goal and general mindset)
- Keep reminding myself of the rule I made today: just move my feet towards someone I want to compliment.
- Just say "hi" to the people that I pass. Doesn't matter if they are wearing headphones, talking on the phone etc. Just say hi.
- Approach one girl with a genuine compliment

Edit: stop reading GC articles for a while because it distracts me. I also managed to judge for myself whether girls were wearing makeup or not while out today (damn you, Chase! Stop making great articles like those! ;)
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Wed Jun 28, 2017 5:48 pm

No genuine compliments today as well. I went out before lunch and walked to the city libary close to downtown to hang out there. Wasted opportunities, need I say more. In the afternoon I got back out. Just a bunch of situational talk, and was ignored by a woman eating a croissant when I told her enjoy. I had to be somewhere before dinner, but I went back to the city to walk in downtown, the sea and my favorite street in late evening. Just some situational stuff again.

I want to write stuff about my emotions, but they are really just excuses to not approach.

One note though: I became furiously frustrated for my inability to do the compliments and the money I spend on transportation every time I go out to "practice". I do actually wonder how much I've spent the last two months.... because of that realization, I wanted to throw my water bottle into a wall or a sharp edge, hard, just to see the water splash out. But even that, I couldn't do when I was walking, and no one else was nearby haha. It's pathetic. I'm truly a suppressor of most emotions and impulses! But that'll change

Oh well, tomorrow is just around the corner. Another shot to do this! I'll go to a mall and the city again. Same rules for today will apply.
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Thu Jun 29, 2017 2:14 pm

Went to two malls, downtown and the streets. The hired guns in clothing stores were eager to help me, and girls were giving me looks for once which made me feel good. But it wasn't enough to get my bravery rising haha.

My round this time took 5 hours in total, breaks included. I was getting sore heels, shoulders and back + headaches from all the pressure my body and mind felt I was putting them through. But I could do my first approach in the streets right before going home. I had decided to compliment the next girl with pretty hair. Ten minutes in and already 5 missed opportunities JUST for hair.. but as I passed a light signal, a girl with beautiful afro curls and her friend parked their bikes next to the pharmacy 4-5 metres away. I didn't decide this is it. I kinda just went over to curly girl haha and spoke to her in English

Me: Hey
Her: Hey!
Me: Hey, sorry to interrupt..
Her (interrupts me herself): It's okay
Me: But I thought you have the prettiest hair I've seen all day! I had to come over and tell you
Her: aaaw, thank you! That's so cute
Me: You're welcome. Have a nice evening!
Her: Thanks!

I wasn"t looking into her eyes as I delivered the compliment LOL. Just wanted to get it over with it.

Afterwards I was neutrally happy I did it. I could feel my smile, and people I passed afterwards, could tell this guy just won the Olympics.

It was kind of nostalgic because it reminded me of the first time I did this.

So... It's out again tomorrow. I have to keep myself in this momentum of delivering compliments.

As I'm not naturally a creative person, I think one part I mess up is thinking of a compliment instead of just delivering what comes to mind. I'll stick to only complimenting hair for now. And I'll delivering them quickly in the day to go home early haha (My poor body)

Tomorrow: compliment the hair of two girls at least
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:44 pm

Finished earlier today. However... Had to go to two different malls than yesterday and finally hit the streets that lead to the city before I could make the approaches.

The first one was a mother with blonde curly hair, carrying her newly born body in front of her body. I do a half policeman stop since I'm walking with my umbrella.

Me: Hey! I want to tell you something.
Her: Yes?
Me: I thought your curly hair is the prettiest I've seen all day. I just had to tell you that!
Her: That's great! (What a reply lol)
Me: You're welcome

Judging from her tone, she didn't give one single fuck =) And neither did I. But I had to do it. And that's the feeling I love - the have to do it.

A couple of minutes later: The second one was another blonde, but straight hair. I saw her come to my side of the streets and thought "that one". She went to the atm, and I was like "oh well let's give a shot anyway"

Me: Hey (she looks at me) real quick
Her: Not as I'm standing here
Me: Ah, okay. Have a good day
Her: You too

I didn't know unless I tried, right? Well, just don't approach anyone at atm's anymore.

Conclusion: I actually managed to deliver only one compliment. At this stage, it's okay. But later, it is necessary that if I get rejected before I can deliver one, it won't count.

The thing that worked in my favor when I reached the streets, was that I did a lot of positive self-talk. Reminded myself of my days as a martial arts competitor and how I did my best because I was so passionate about it. I transfered that energy to this very moment. After 5 minutes I did the first approach, and 4-5 minutes afterwards the second.

And focusing on hair is fun. I barely notice tits or asses all of a sudden.

Goal for tomorrow: 2 new approaches, still hair.
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sat Jul 01, 2017 5:22 pm

No compliments today. Just a self-conscious guy, badly stuck in his head.

To get/stay outside my head, I have to do two things:
- gain social momentum early on, and lots of it. Just like being at a party
- feel the impulses I get when I see an attractive woman and accept them instead of denying/suppressing them - and get to approach while feeling them

Tomorrow: 1 compliment and lots of momentum
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Jul 02, 2017 5:44 pm

Today
Okay, so more in my body today than yesterday. Yet, I still find myself making compliment constraints for some reason. No compliments today either, not verbally at least. But I had two young women sit next to me in Starbucks when I was doing some mails. First I helped them find a socket to charge their phones (they are hidden really well), and once one of them left for the bathroom I began talking to the other (let's call this one Chick1, and the other Chick2). I can barely remember what the conversations were about, but I loved the energy, and I could feel I was in control of it. If I didn't move the conversation forward, she wouldn't either. I know I could have increased the possibility of a number close, had I escalated the conversation further than small talk.* At one point, chick2 returns. And later, chick1 hits the bathroom to change. And my god, she looked fine when she came back. And this is where I didn't compliment her verbally. Did I cut my tongue temporarily...? Anyway, for what felt like forever, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. From my end, it was technically a nonverbal compliment, but who knows how she took it. They left shortly afterwards, saying a final "Nice to meet you".

* With that said, I honestly don't know what stopped me from escalating further. Checking mails? Give me a break.... I lack the ability to do my best in all situations. This will change! I have the capacity in this vacation to make significant change and should use it wisely.

I'll be taking the day off tomorrow. Instead I'll write personal benefits of doing this journey and downsides of not doing it. And whatever I write, I will have to read it every day in this month to remind myself why I am doing this. I'll write it here as well and return with new goals for the upcoming days.

This week
It's been an interesting week. I find lots of different excuses all the time. I can't rely on excuses, but I can rely self-talk to some degree right now. Maybe I should continue with this.

One good thing came out of it: focusing on one physical trait only. Take their hair: previously I would only look at whether it was straight/curly + color(s). But when you truly take time to really analyze any trait (hair in this case), you begin to notice more differences like subtle(r) hair colors, length, styles etc. I wonder why I have never taken the time to look at women this thorough... if I can do it with hair, I could probably do it with their clothes, accessories, head shapes, faces, makeup etc. Heck, even lips will do. This could explain why I've never had any particular type of women - I've never thought about what physical kind I truly want. I love big breasts though..

Another thing I have to keep in my mind, is how much time I spend trying to make myself deliver a compliment. I think I must set a deadline for myself. Like "By [X clock] I must have finished whatever task I have". I feel ridiculous for spending hour after hour doing nothing, and get more stuck in my head. But I must be a bad downside to not reaching my daily goal. I'll think about this.


An event that could explain my general avoidance of giving compliments
I hate writing these, but they're necessary. Another thing that happened today, was a good thing - yet bad at the moment: I saw a former classmate from my university at the transition. And all of a sudden I got very self-conscious. I could care less if she saw me. But I have some bad memories of her. The ironic thing about this memory is that there is an element of compliment involved in it. We were at a party, probably the first one when we began attending university. She wanted to use me and another man to get in kissing-mood for a completely different guy she had her eyes on. I thought this was weird because I had never kissed friends before on the lips lol and thought it was overstepping my boundaries. I did it anyway, and her lips were soooo soft. And guess what I did? Yes, I told her haha. Just a genuine compliment, but I might have been excited when I told her. And this put her off. She turned off instantly, as if someone had just bathed in mud and tried to hug her at a wedding. She got mad at me, telling me that people don't do such things, I should never do that again and bla bla bla. And this made me mad. I even think I wrote about it in my diary back then?

Today, I know that the compliment was off and even cringeworthy, given our relationship. But even so, I believe it came from a place of honesty. And had I known better back then, I would never have kissed a friend, even if just for a second.

I wonder if I had any shame from complimenting people afterwards. I was always good at speaking my mind, and I feel like this incident has been one that probably made me more aware of what I do, and when I do it. Maybe even leading me to get some compliment anxiety lol and have a less polarizing behavior. But I can't let anymore events like this stop me from reaching my full potential as a person. I want to speak my mind freely - and part of that is letting women know when I desire them.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Mon Jul 03, 2017 4:52 pm

a-jay wrote:I'll be taking the day off tomorrow. Instead I'll write personal benefits of doing this journey and downsides of not doing it. And whatever I write, I will have to read it every day in this month to remind myself why I am doing this. I'll write it here as well and return with new goals for the upcoming days.


I took the day off, but decided to compliment a guy walking past me with a woman by saying "Love the shirt!", and he replied "Thank you" :) Awesome.

Seduction-wise, I spent my day on writing my personal benefits as promised. Here they are, in the order that I wrote them:

- I'll become a more attractive person. Why? Generally: It challenges my personal boundaries, my knowlegde on how the world really works and my ego in ways that other skills most likely will not. Specifically: Complimenting strangers and moving things forward with them (being a leader in other words) is not easy - unless you let yourself become experienced and knowledgeable.

- It gives me more opportunities

- I get to know more about my types and tastes + openmindedness. It forces me to really get these downs. I haven't truly focused on my physical type except for boobs :D + I seem to have a prejudice against certain types of girls that might not be healthy. Of course, they might be looking for someone who is also conforming to a certain stereotype if they are dressing in the modern fashion manner. But thinking that this will make them reject me is just auto-rejection from my end.

- Give something in order to get something in return. This is basic value exchanging. It is not even a rule in social dynamics, it is how humans interact. But something I seem to forget from time to time. I want something from her, but she wants something from me as well. Be the one to give first. In the case of the lover: give her the experience of being truly desired by and feeling intimacy with a man who is not ashamed to let her know that he wants something from her as well. Let her experience those emotions that she longs for so badly.

- Vulnerability and speaking my mind; being my true and honest self. This whole journal is all about being genuine. I want to be comfortable expressing my true self and my desires. + I want to be more in my body than in my head.

- Becoming a sexy lover. Being a once-in-a-lifetime experience for the women I meet: the man of their fantasies. Make them feel desired in ways they have never experienced before. But accept the road to get there is going to be a long and hard one.

- Abundance. I'm pretty sure I want a monogamous LTR in the long run. Abundance in the type and number of women I can get will more likely make me pick a partner from a place of abundance rather than scarcity. This one is important because I could probably settle with someone from social circle if the timing should be right. The thought of that scares me somewhat.

- Mindset of constant improvement in the areas that are important to me. I can't get good at anything if I don't make a commitment to always make room for improvement. I am fortunate enough to know these areas =)

- Keeping women interested in me and letting women not interested in me go; stop feeling like an inconvenience You can't "win" always. But rather lose small and win big occasionally, than the other way around. + Women impressed with me will most likely get a better life than had I not been there to lighten up their day. I'm doing them a favor and not expecting anything back. And well, the women not interested might feel more in demand. Technically, no one really loses. Cold approaching is a win for everybody. I'll stop feeling like an inconvenience to women I cold approach.

- Going for more high risk/high reward situations in seduction.

So afterwards, I was going to write down the downsides of not doing this. "But don't be stupid - the downsides of not doing it will be the opposite of all the benefits you just wrote." However, there is one long term downside, which is: If I don't do this journey, I will regret it at my deathbed. I know it, I know it, I know it.

I know it.

Did I say that I know it?

Good. Start doing, motherfucker.

For the rest of the month and starting this evening, I will read this daily at least twice. Once when I wake up, and once before I go to bed. If I don't remind me, nobody will.

On to the goal of tomorrow: within a timespan of 20 minutes, I'll have to compliment 2 new women at least.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Tue Jul 04, 2017 1:02 pm

Funny how it's this hard to create a new habit.

I tried the 20 minutes span twice today, but no action. And as time goes by, I get more and more in my head. Solution: approach right away when I get out. Use the first couple of approaches as warm up.

One good thing: I could REALLY feel when I wanted to meet some of the girls today. Either their fashion or their makeup were on point. I haven't felt such "urge" in forever. Now I have to react on it.

I did actually talk to one girl sitting next to me on a bench. With these girls I open indirect or situational, I could lead the conversation forward by asking how their day is going.

Goal for tomorrow: make warm up approaches, let's say 5. Make them as soon as possible. And do whatever the hell I want afterwards. Celebrate with delicious ice cream
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Tue Jul 04, 2017 6:09 pm

Unsatisfied with my effort earlier today, I decided to go out one more time this evening with the intention to be as selfish as possible with anybody I could - and by selfish, I mean to do whatever I want with the people I meet and pass. The purpose was simply to test the waters of what I'm comfortable and somewhat comfortable doing while out + get out of my shell. In summary, I ended up:

- Greeting people while riding my bike to my favorite street (this is so weird, haha, no one does that) and even yelled "selfie" when I passed a woman taking one. She laughed!
- Greeting people in the street and tell some of them "cheers". Even greeted a guy with a nod.
- Hugging a guy offering free hugs <3
- More greetings and cheers
- Singing on my bike while on my way home - without listening to any music

The whole outing lasted approximately 2 hours. It was a good experience because I realized that at the end of day, it's not only girls that don't give a fuck - most PEOPLE don't give a fuck. Told a group of two girls "cheers" when they were drinking on a bench, and one of them replied with a meh-attitude "thanks". Some people simply ignored me or looked like a ghost approached them while other people acknowledged my approaches either verbally or non-verbally.

For some weird reason, I think I had this innate idea that it would be mostly girls to reject just about everyone. But clearly, I lack some basic social experience and perhaps need to explore people's general attitudes more.

This outing made me learn one important lesson: it doesn't matter how much I say I'm doing this for the girls. For the most part, I'll be doing it for myself (at least for now). I can only amuse myself by the reactions I get or don't get. But that amusement gets me out of my shell =)
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Wed Jul 05, 2017 5:48 pm

I'm not fully satisfied with today's outing... but not completely unsatisfied either.

After yesterday's fun evening, I decided not to do the warm up approaches, but instead just try to lead the conversation forward with the ones I opened situationally.

I did however "compliment" the service of a hired gun when I ate lunch at a restaurant today because she was that good. I even made her go through the struggle of asking her boss where they got their plates from because they had this awesome design. But lol..... come on. Who am I fooling

I bought some juice later in a juice store, and while waiting for the transaction to be completed I asked the girl how her day was going. I don't remember quite a lot of it until I told her "There's a bug in the test shot right there". She threw it out and said that draining proteins from bugs is actually the new thing to do. After a minute more of talking I give her my hand and wish her a good day. An hour later, I realized she was being sarcastic about the protein-from-bug thing, but she sounded so serious that I didn't catch her trying to make fun of the situation =) I could have asked her if she was a creative person since that was the impression I got from her looks and maybe qualified her on that. Who knows?

As I was getting off one the busses, I see an old lady eating her falafel by the door and tell her "enjoy". She engaged in conversation with me right away, telling me it was the best falafel she had ever had. She had to get off as well and change to the same line as me. We got into this very funny conversation where we found out we had so many common interests that even half of them would be enough. She was cute and energetic, had this lovely vibe. She told me to come visit her at her work place sometime, a store or something. When she had to get off of the second bus, she was about to give me her hand, but I told her to come hug me instead. When she got off, she blew me some air kisses, and I just waved back <3 I will definitely go visit her later this week and get a cup of coffee or something. Maybe take future dates there?

So what is the conclusion? Well... it was good with a different experience for a change. I literally spoke my mind until my comfort zone.

But uhmmmm.... I can't run away from my "fear" (or whatever is stopping me) of direct openers. Even if I become a master of indirect game, I can't expect to use it in all contexts. The question is how I can expand my comfort zone until "speaking my mind" includes direct openers, and I can do these as uninhibited as possible.

I seemed to have the following objections about complimenting today, which I'm just going to mention but not comment on:
- the high risk-high reward profile it has.
- the way of complimenting somebody's looks

ARRRG. It's so frustrating that I have new objections popping up from time to time, and it makes me analyze 5 steps ahead of what I'm capable of. Why? BEcause it's coming from a place where I keep thinking I have to deliver these amazing lines... but I'm not there yet. I have to remind myself that even though my self-esteem is high, I'm not good with direct openers and cold approaching, yet. I might be an amazing person, but I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm not the best at expressing it from the get-go.

Pill is swallowed...

It is so tempting to just forget all about complimenting and focus on reactions and mistake them for success. But I will keep myself on the path I'm forging. Quitting is not an option.

I have to be better tomorrow. Move forward.

Tomorrow I have a job interview after noon. When it's done, I will compliment whatever girl I want to compliment tomorrow. Gain some momentum first if necessary.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Thu Jul 06, 2017 5:20 pm

ARRRH. No compliments today... I kept my spirit up during the whole outing by talking to myself and what privilege I actually had to be able to do such thing like this! I could actually make myself want it more today even though nothing happened.

And yes, "talking to myself" as in using my mouth to talk, simply to get my thoughts outside my body. If I say it in my head, I get stuck in it - that is unwanted.

The battle continues tomorrow.

I actually saw a dude approach a dolled-up girl. He came from behind her and pre-opened her with a touch to her arm when he was walking next to her. She took her headphones off to listen to what he had to say. I was glad to see this. I was happy for him to be able to do this and make it look so easy. Hope he got a number! Inspirational indeed.

I have two thoughts to share:

1. I realize that I have lived a very socially inhibited life for the most part. I was taught to be mature too soon and haven't really been a fuckhead, ever. Yes, I had my asshole phase in my best teen years where I wouldn't let anyone tame me. I'm there now in some aspects of my life, but not in this matter. Could I strip away more of my social inhibitions, I would stand a better chance of doing something like opening direct. Maybe more outings like the evening I had a couple of days ago just to do some fucked up shit. Or maybe use direct openers as the way to strip more of them away??? That was an interesting remark.

Wow. What amazing possibilities I can imagine for myself right now.

2. I have never worked this hard for my sex/love life. Can you believe that? I'm not used to being the approacher. Sometimes I wish I found more pleasure in meeting girls back in the days, but I figured the right game for me back then was to let girls come into my world and let them do the leading as well. My primary way to meet women now should be on my terms. I can meet the women I want, when I want it. And chances of any woman ever approaching me is so damn close to 0, it's not even worth it to be waiting for them.

Will these thoughts make me approach tomorrow? We'll see. But with such realizations, it's suddenly deeper than just getting girls.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Fri Jul 07, 2017 5:39 pm

Aaaand no. Not today either...! Okay, I did acutally compliment the earring of the cashier when I got lunch, but I don't consider hired guns as approaches.

Too tired to write. And I should really make posts shorter from now on.

In this one, I'll suffice it to say that I am taking desperate measures into use now, creating what I consider ridiculous consequences for not doing my new goal.

New goal? To be able to approach 10 girls just one day by the end of the next Friday. Maybe I should really make a deadline that is closer to speed things up even more.

Consequences? I'll transfer some money to a friend of mine if I don't manage to do 10 approaches in one day.

It's been 2 weeks already. Only 9 weeks to go. Jesus... what happened to the time? =(

In the last two weeks, I've made 2 direct openers and 1 attempt where the girl was not available. Good stats, huh..

But let's actually look at the bright side of what has happened in the last two weeks, and then it's goodnight:

- Related to the whole cold approaching: I know that my thoughts, feelings and ego won't get me anywhere when I'm out. Action is the only thing that means anything.
- I'm pretty much over porn. Also saw a gallery of porn stars without makeup the other day... yikes! If I ever get an urge to watch porn again, I'll watch that gallery again.
- I barely masturbate. Once or twice per week. Dick gets harder than usual, but I don't feel any need to jack it off.
- I actually still remember a girl I saw in the bus two or three days ago. Yup, her cute, feminine face got me rock hard. No stranger has ever survived for this long in my long term memory. It's a sign that real women can turn me on again!
- I have contemplated a lot about my past self in regards to my sex/love life. And I'm slowly saying goodbye to him. The new me is on his way...!
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sat Jul 08, 2017 3:59 pm

Today will be summarized in three words:

I. Still. Suck.
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sat Jul 15, 2017 6:10 pm

Ahaha. Newest excuse to not approach in this excuse chain reaction of mine:

"I'm an adult, with 2-3 years before graduating from university. Only a bum at my age would do such thing. This is so... beneath me."

What an utterly pathetic excuse and, quite frankly, an insult to guys older than me, trying to make it. I guess I have some old beliefs I haven't gotten ridden off yet. Or it could be that my emotions and ego are trying to prevent me from bettering myself in my woman life. But can I really talk about my emotions and ego as if they are not a part of me? Come on... I am stopping me from the kind of sex life I want. You know the solution, buddy. Stop stopping yourself.

Who would keep talking himself out of making his life better for so long?

The longer I postpone this, the less certain I am about if I want this or not..

But sure, let's say I don't learn pick up as a skill for 10 years from now. And maybe I'll get lucky a couple of times. Then what? Do I expect that suddenly, I take a magic pill and overnight, I become a seduction god? Kill me now.... I don't have to weigh the opportunities for my future - it's obvious I want the odds to be in my favor instead of relying purely on luck.

Since the last post, I took the days off Sunday and Monday. The last five days I have wandered with no goals for my outings, and this is the most stupid thing I can do. No more of that. I am certainly not on a level where I can meet any girl I want. I need goals for now.

I also spent some time looking for inspiration to succeed - even though I had talked myself out of finding inspiration when I started again 3 weeks ago. It is SO easy to use reading and "bettering yourself through reading" as an excuse to do absolutely nothing. Thus, I will stop that again before I consume too much.

I have found the following material that resonates with where I am right now:

https://realtroyfrancis.com/2017/01/26/how-to-avoid-that-icky-feeling-about-being-into-game/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMQ4OxOxgrc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8JdkfZdhe8

I am following the practical tips from the bottom TedTalk. Let's see what happens..

Some good notes:
- I am having more fun these days. Not significantly more, but it's noticeable.
- I am being more like a lover of people. I flirt with my mother haha, it's fun!
- I haven't been stuck in my head lately... interesting. And as of today, I have not meditated in 3 days. What gives??
- Still no porn! Awesome. I felt the urge to watch it the other day, only to tell myself "Let me just watch those porn stars with no makeup one more time". And the thought alone was enough to keep me away.
- I work out 2-3 times per week. Love the feeling of testosterone running through my veins.
- Since working out my core again, my natural posture feels great!
- And I'm getting some great ideas to have an even better life, something which is totally unrelated to my woman life. I have a great feeling about this one!
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:51 pm

I had the honor of meeting and spending a couple of hours with Kristian today during his transition in Copenhagen! Such a cool and chill guy. Watching him in action was inspiring, and I needed that. Even though I would find myself walking alone or talking to myself because he had gone over to talk to some girls that I wasn't even aware of haha! Seducers' problem, I guess :)

The most inspiring part was that he made it look so easy. And truth is, it is easy! And even though I knew this from my own experience a year ago, I have not been able to replicate that (as stated in my last 14 journal posts). Thank you bro!

So besides our long talks about life and women, the following happened:

In the subway on our way to the city, he had apparantly gotten eye contact with a woman in a group with other women. He just said "hi" to her and gave her a compliment about something, didn't hear what, and got a little bit of conversation going as they were exiting the subway :) Don't expect anything. Just be bold and in the moment.

Later we walked by a harbor, and he had seen two girls in a cafeteria. He liked the looks of one of them, went over to her and gave her a compliment. We all introduced each other, and we joined them. They were Belgians travelling Scandinavia. Both cute and engaging, especially Kristian's favorite girl! We chatted for 10 minutes before excusing ourselves. Kristian facebook-closed them, and I will need to work on how to take contact details of foreign girls now that I don't have Facebook or any social media apps. More on that another time. The main lesson for me was that it was so easy to start a conversation and stay in it.

I took him to the mall. Now it was my turn to do my thing. He also did his thing, and man, that guy is so chill about it. Love how far he has come in his seduction journey.

Before approaching, we saw two girls in the coffee house, and we both agreed on loving the curves of one of them. But nothing happened there. We found them again later (between my 3rd and 4th approach) where matchmaker Kristian forced a conversation to get her and me talking together, and in my mind I was like "yeah, just lead the conversation bro haha, it seems like everybody agrees this is unnecessary!" But it was a good experience. She brought up that she had a boyfriend, and inspired by Franco's latest post I told her "Great, so you're not married!" But noooo, she was engaged to some guy. Kristian couldn't see her engagement ring, and we teased her about it. We had fun putting ourselves out there, and that's what counts.

First approach: Kristian suggested a 2-3 girls I could have opened but I didn't feel like them. Eventually we pass a store where he points one out that I actually like the looks of. I take a few seconds to stop fighting any resistance and just go do it. She had her back turned against me, and I couldn't get in front of her. So go to her side, touch on her shoulder and wait before she looks

"Hey, I just saw you from outside the store. And I had to come tell you that I think you're cute!" She replies "Thank you" in a shy manner, and I leave. It was good to do this approach as a warm up! Nothing fancy, just getting into the mood

Second approach: We walked into a restaurant on third floor to get a look of the view outside. On our way out, I saw one of the female waiters by the desk and told her "Love the earrings!" and she replied with a warm "Thank you!" Another good warm up approach

Third approach: I saw the mall receptionist and told KRistian to wait for me, as I go over and tell her "Hey! I just saw you when I was walking by. And I had to come tell you that you have the prettiest hair I have seen all day!" She laughed and was flatterened while thanking me =) And left her with a "have a good day!" Don't remember if I shaked her hand. But now we were getting somewhere!

Fourth approach: girl with the most beautiful curles I had seen for a couple of days, no lie. She was working in a phone store, but standing outside it to attract customers. I didn't see any reason to flush this opportunity away and walked up to her.

Me: Hey, I just saw you while passing by you. And I had to come tell you one thing.
Her: Okay?
Me: You have the prettiest hair I have seen all day.
Her: Okay, thank you!
Me: *move my hand up to take hers, she takes it, and I just hold it there* You have a good day!
Her: You too

Nothing fancy, but it had to be done. The more into momentum I got from the previous encounters, the eaiser it became to approach this girl. And she happened to be the one I wanted to approach the most.

Kristian and I called it a day, went to the airport and left each other with a great, big bear hug <3 Can't wait to meet that guy again.

Lessons learned: Have fun =) Don't take yourself so seriously. Be chill about it
Sexting is one of the most stress relieving actions you can ever do. Probably even more if she also sends nudes

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Mon Jul 17, 2017 4:46 pm

After my rehab session this morning I felt like staying home all day. I took a nap in the afternoon and began reading Alabaster Girl again. I felt inspired to go out and did it. Nothing happened, unfortunately. I saw one girl I really wanted to meet and some more that I kinda wanted to meet. Let's get back to action

I also met my former fwb Mary again after she helped me with something insignificant. I should just have asked her to meet me at my place instead of by the sea. But maybe it was better this way because I realized we didn't really have any connection whatsoever. To me, she's only good for booty calls. Deluding her into thinking anything else is possible, is a bad move. And maybe that is the downside of this meeting: I could have blown any chance of anything sexual to happen between us from now on. But who knows. I told her she should come to my place and have some tea. However, she had made up some lame excuse to her parents for going out. Of course I could have tried to convince her to make another lame excuse, but fuck that. I just wanted to see how she was doing. Further contact from my end should be a booty call. A lesson could be: invite girls over to my place right away if they live with their parents.

Goal for tomorrow: approach 4 girls. Have fun and be crazy =)
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby fog » Mon Jul 17, 2017 8:47 pm

a-jay wrote:Goal for tomorrow: approach 4 girls. Have fun and be crazy =)


HOW CRAZY?
fog

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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby kristian » Tue Jul 18, 2017 4:16 am

a-jay

Thank you so much for meeting up and helping me get rid of limiting beliefs about approaching abroad. Travelling can be very refreshing for us seducers.

Lets continue our journey together when you visit me in Oslo. Have a nice session with the 4 girls, can't wait to read your experiences forward this week.

- kristian
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Tue Jul 18, 2017 1:54 pm

backstory wrote:
a-jay wrote:Goal for tomorrow: approach 4 girls. Have fun and be crazy =)


HOW CRAZY?


Aaaah. Apparently not the kind of crazy I had in mind. I did four approaches though.

1st approach: girl in front of me in huge ass atm line.

Me: So what's this? Does no credit card terminals work?
Her: Doesn't seem like it!
Me: And we thought that credit cards would make us invincible compared to cash
Her: *laughs*

After she has gotten her cash, she turns around to meet my eyes, give me a smile, and leaves. She wanted me.

As I was passing a fairly attractive girl, I wink to her. She winked back with both eyes. Never knew girls would escalate to winking with two eyes this fast ;)

The rest of my approaches happened when I was waiting for the bus :b I realized I had passed up many opportunities and thought fuck it. Make the best out of it now.

2nd approach: old woman wearing leggings with a cool pattern. I ask her what it is, she doesn't know, but I think it's cool anyway. She holds her hand to her heart and tells me that she really appreciated the compliment. Glad you did, Madame. She just loved them when she saw them and had to buy them.

3rd approach: old couple. The wife has some bandage around a finger. I ask her in English what happened. Big language barrier, but I find out what happened. They are from Italy and going back home this week. I tell her about the times I have been there, how I love the people and the atmosphere and would love to go there again, just to visit her <3 We shake hands, and once they are in the bus, we blow kisses <3

4th approach: I ask two women, a mother and a daughter, what language they are speaking. An Indian language, it seems. Aaah. It sounds so beautiful.

And just as I'm leaving the bus, I look at the woman sitting close to me. She is with what I assume is her grandson. We smile when our eyes meet. I ask how old is he. Six. I ask him to show me with his fingers. Good boy. She tells me he cannot fall asleep now, it's good he gets distracted. "Because then somebody won't be able to sleep tonight? *wink*" and she winks back with a laugh. Wish them a good evening as I exit.

I'm not comfortable with street stops right now. Not sure why. But I'm falling in love with the idea of just being your outgoing, masculine self. And well, I ended up having fun anyway. I should stop worrying about what counts as an approach in my world (direct openers) and for now twist it to have fun.

Tomorrow is a day off spent with family and friends
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Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Postby Lover » Wed Jul 19, 2017 3:41 pm

Despite the off-day, I happened to approach a woman while I was waiting for a friend to show up. We were both waiting for the light signal to turn green

Me: What pattern is that on your leggings? Trees?
Her: Sorry *semi-laughs* I speak English
Me: *repeats question in English*
Her: Yeah, it is!
Me: It's so cool. I love it! ;)
Her: *giggles* Thaaank you!
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Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:02 am
Location: Europe

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