Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex



Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Evan27 » Sun Aug 23, 2015 9:42 pm

So here's the story, we were together for roughly 2 years (both are 23) and fresh out of college. Both of us wanted to go to medical school but after she realized she was not competitive enough to get in she gave up and decided to become a flight attendent (I am still applying). Our relationship went south in spring when I urged her to not give up on her dream but she had none of it.

Becoming a flight attendent means she had to have a month long training (12 hours a day) and then she had to move to a base which for us was halfway across the country for a year. We mutually agreed to breakup before her training and at that time back in May I began no contact. It worked. She texted me in mid June and after that point we talked casually throughout the summer up until early August where things got bad.

Generally our talks were good and we could still sense our attraction for one another but she gradually dropped hints that I should start seeing someone else. Our talking carried onto the last day of July when I messed up. I went on a camping trip alone and got drunk and excited because it was a place we had both been together. I sent her a dick pic. That did not go well.

While she sent some texts back along the lines of "Dudeee. No. Too much lol" I thought not too much of it. The next morning however she responds more seriously "Real talk I don't need pics like that". I say okay never again and reply again later that night that I was drunk, and going off our texting from earlier during the day that I thought it was okay and asked if she was judging me. (Note:We sent each other nudes before during our relationship and it was never a problem)

Following that text she said she was judging me a little bit and she was dealing with some stuff up there. Then I asked if she was seeing anyone. She said not exclusive, but yeah. Within the next day she recieved two pacs of cigs from me that she mentioned she missed because they didnt sell them up there. She said it was really sweet.

After like 4 days of not talking (possibly still a little mad) I ask her how her trip was, but she did not respond. Since then I reinitiated no contact and it has been just over two weeks of not talking. She texted me once during that span a photo of her and a mutual friend she ran into on a flight. That was a week ago.

But this past Thursday she posted a photo to fb of her on a date with another guy. This is the first time I realized her cues from earlier in the summer that she was probably talking to someone for roughly a month or so (?). This is a guy who lives just as far away as I do and he is 11 years older than her. I talked to the mutual friend who tells me that she referred to that guy as her "boyfriend" I've had a hard time accepting this fact the past few days and am worried she is going to forget about me.

I am considering tomorrow breaking our two week no contact to gain "closure" from our relationship and everything I did wrong that I could use for self improvement. But I also want her back and read up on Chase's article and was going to implement some tactics in the phone call. Is this the best way to get her back? Part of me really believes she still likes what we had and that she is just in a rebound for the time being. My other option is to do more no contact but I risk her moving on/leaving it up to chance.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I'm desperately been considering my options these past few days.
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby mindful » Mon Aug 24, 2015 10:04 am

When a girl starts texting you like that in a more friendly and platonic way this is a sure sign she's not really that into you anymore. Calling you "dude" and calling you out for sending nudes. It's not a good position to be in and you trying harder to get her back is not going to help. I've had this happen to me, and yes it's most likely due to the fact she is seeing someone else an her feelings for you have changed. Cut your losses and move on brother. It sucks but it is what it is.
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Dude909 » Mon Aug 24, 2015 10:24 am

Delete her number and Facebook and GFTOW
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Evan27 » Mon Aug 24, 2015 10:56 am

Yes. I definitely came to realize overnight that my planned actions are kind of dramatic. I freaked out because seeing her with another guy was disturbing. But I can't just let her go. Sending one text message updating her on my recent accomplishment that she knew of but did not know all about tonight or tomorrow is my best bet. Might also say hope all is going well too.

It was a long night but I concluded waiting for some more time to pass while not hiding from her completely is a stronger move for getting her back than a desperate untimely attempt like I'd planned.

Chase's article (and website honestly) has more or less been a guideline that helped create our relationship in the first place. I am all for following his advice. I see now I should wait until the longing phase to do anything more as Chase said it will give you the best results, although most people try to reconcile before then (I now consider her in the rebound phase).

As I said I still believe we have attraction and there is hope (we had a good relationship, even better sex), but I will just have to wait it out. The guy likely has no better options than to put up with their distance situation so it's probably not the best relationship.
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby ray_zorse » Mon Aug 24, 2015 11:24 am

In every case where I wanted a girl and decided I was in a chasing position (including some codependent r/ships that broke up before I was ready to let go)... and NEXTed her temporarily like you're saying... I looked back later and thought, what the fuck did I ever see in that biyatch anyway? Chase has a similar story to relate about his "oneitis" long ago... honestly man, forget about her, she's moved on and so will you... ironically the best thing you could do to get her back is what Dude909 said, but you won't want to, trust me... if any of my ex's was suddenly interested again I think I would probably be physically sick, except possibly a girl from 20yrs ago from whom I was separated by circumstances only, mind you as a former codependent, that's probably the best thing that could've happened.
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PS I was in Court today with my ex-wife. Can't believe I ever fucked her. And I am sure you'll reach that point with yours!
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Franco » Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:11 pm

Evan,

I think everyone else has hinted at it, but it sounds like she's moved on, bud. You're not really in a "no contact" situation here; a real no contact situation lasts months and months (and sometimes even years). Not talking to your ex for a couple of weeks is no big deal, and it very much sounds like she's trying to help you move on as well without getting upset at you for being needy and wanting her back. It sounds like she's getting close to getting really upset at you, though.

I would take her cues and move on. As far as Chase's articles go, I think you're reading the wrong one for this situation. This article will prove more helpful:


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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Evan27 » Mon Aug 24, 2015 2:41 pm

Franco, I read the article and found this for intermediates:

If she was your girlfriend and the two of you broke up, cut contact for a minimum of 8 months. Why's it longer than the guy who's a beginner? Shouldn't you be able to get in contact sooner and not suffer for it? Well, here's the thing... you're intermediate now. You're good! And that means, you stand a pretty good chance of being able to get this girl back. You'll figure out a way, most likely. Great news, right? Actually... no. If you broke up, there's a reason why, trust me. You want to give yourself more time to fully move on. If you haven't moved on in 8 months and decided that life's a LOT better without her, well... maybe it's time to throw in the towel on this whole pickup thing and settle down with Miss Good Enough. My guess is, though, by the time 8 months roles around, you'll be glad you waited, and you'll be performing at another level.


My ego really can blindside me sometimes. I read back through our texts and saw I became slightly needy a few months back (beginning of July). Welp guess I'm done trying to text her then. Thanks for the replies.

On the other hand, say she contacts me in a few weeks or so. Ignoring it would probably be ideal in yall guys' opinion, right?
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Franco » Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:00 pm

Evan,

On the other hand, say she contacts me in a few weeks or so. Ignoring it would probably be ideal in yall guys' opinion, right?


If this girl has a strong grasp on your mind and is preventing you from meeting other women, then yes, it might be best just to completely cut her out of your life. She'll likely try to keep you on her perimeter given your history together, but having you on her perimeter only helps her -- it doesn't help you.

When you become better with women and realize you can regularly bring in girlfriend-quality girls on a rather consistent basis (meaning maybe once or twice a year for a really great gal), then you can probably maintain contact with exes because you know you aren't emotionally attached to them. However, I find that most guys who reach this stage end up not really remaining in contact anyway simply because they don't want to waste their time talking to women who they no longer have as an integral part of their lives. They simply find new women who inspire them and desire their attention.

You'll also find that the best chance of having a girl come back into your life is to make her feel like she's already been replaced. The less you respond or talk to her, the more she'll be likely to be curious why you're doing it. (NOTE: This doesn't mean be "mean" to her either; being mean will only confirm that you still hold strong enough feelings about her to feel the need to lash out in the first place)

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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Kaelos » Mon Aug 24, 2015 3:23 pm

Evan27 wrote: My ego really can blindside me sometimes. I read back through our texts and saw I became slightly needy a few months back (beginning of July). Welp guess I'm done trying to text her then. Thanks for the replies. On the other hand, say she contacts me in a few weeks or so. Ignoring it would probably be ideal in yall guys' opinion, right?


Why would you want a woman that so obviously doesn't want you? I know the ego hit sucks, we've all been through it. You feel like she's sooo special, your bond together was so unique, "will I find another girl like her again?", etc. We all know that feeling. But you need to be honest and direct with yourself about the situation: She doesn't want you anymore. The faster you realize this and take the appropriate actions in your life, the faster you'll be on the road to abundance with women.

As far as what you should do if she ever tries to contact you, if you want to practice abundance, ignore her text(s) completely, forever. Smile to yourself at her attempt to get back in touch with you and then immediately delete/archive her message.

Read these two posts by Ricardus Domino immediately:


Ricardus Domino wrote:The faster you take the plunge back into a single dude’s lifestyle, the faster you will recover from the emotional shell-shock and the faster you will meet other women. The very reason why your brain is going haywire over this one girl is because it doesn’t know that there are 3 billion women out there! You have to prove that to your brain, and it WILL relax. HOWEVER, and this is the real key. If you hook up with TEN new girls. Wait, hear me out. If you hook up with ten new girls, one of them will be AMAZING. If you can show your reptilian brain that there are other girls out there that are truly amazing... and really into you... it will let go of the attachment and you’ll be able to get over your ex a million times faster. This is THE key for getting over your ex (and hence also for getting her back, which you probably won’t even be interested anymore if you follow my advice and IMMEDIATELY create massive, massive dating abundance) ideally beginning on the very day of your breakup.


If you want to see true abundance, read this thread started by Drexel Scott: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=9492

I didn't like the Beta ish feeling so I had to cut her loose. She was sad and I was sad but it was in my best interest. I'm back to my normal self, maybe a little sharper even, with some extra experience in my pocket. I am glad I had this experience because it showed me that I was not as invincible as I thought!


Here's a thread with good responses (including responses by Franco and Drexel Scott) on getting over an ex: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10585
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Evan27 » Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:55 am

I am aware everyone has said to move on (and I am just starting too) but for those who said she has moved on, I am not so sure about that just yet.

First off I met a really cool girl off tinder who this past week has been very effective in taking my mind off my ex. We've been pretty flirty and are trying to meet up this weekend. Anyways after another week of NC (approaching three weeks) I come across a facebook post yesterday that is obviously trying to get under my skin. The post was "My bf is so cool for knowing (famous actor)" and a picture of the guy and this actor. Out of character if you ask me.

Not only was no contact effective but I take it as a sign she still has feeling for me (!) Right now my plan is to wait her out and get to know this new girl better, and just test the waters. The GFTOW now is my best bet. I still have feeling for my ex and should we get back together sometime down the road I probably will but just wanted to update you guys on my progress
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby ray_zorse » Sun Aug 30, 2015 2:30 am

OMG some dudes cannot be told, hahaha
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Re: Help! About to break no contact in an attempt to get back my ex

Postby Evan27 » Sun Aug 30, 2015 9:59 am

Lol I just need to work on my mental model. Externally things are falling into place but internally I may have the wrong priorities
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