A Lover's Adventures

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

ARRRH. No compliments today... I kept my spirit up during the whole outing by talking to myself and what privilege I actually had to be able to do such thing like this! I could actually make myself want it more today even though nothing happened.

And yes, "talking to myself" as in using my mouth to talk, simply to get my thoughts outside my body. If I say it in my head, I get stuck in it - that is unwanted.

The battle continues tomorrow.

I actually saw a dude approach a dolled-up girl. He came from behind her and pre-opened her with a touch to her arm when he was walking next to her. She took her headphones off to listen to what he had to say. I was glad to see this. I was happy for him to be able to do this and make it look so easy. Hope he got a number! Inspirational indeed.

I have two thoughts to share:

1. I realize that I have lived a very socially inhibited life for the most part. I was taught to be mature too soon and haven't really been a fuckhead, ever. Yes, I had my asshole phase in my best teen years where I wouldn't let anyone tame me. I'm there now in some aspects of my life, but not in this matter. Could I strip away more of my social inhibitions, I would stand a better chance of doing something like opening direct. Maybe more outings like the evening I had a couple of days ago just to do some fucked up shit. Or maybe use direct openers as the way to strip more of them away??? That was an interesting remark.

Wow. What amazing possibilities I can imagine for myself right now.

2. I have never worked this hard for my sex/love life. Can you believe that? I'm not used to being the approacher. Sometimes I wish I found more pleasure in meeting girls back in the days, but I figured the right game for me back then was to let girls come into my world and let them do the leading as well. My primary way to meet women now should be on my terms. I can meet the women I want, when I want it. And chances of any woman ever approaching me is so damn close to 0, it's not even worth it to be waiting for them.

Will these thoughts make me approach tomorrow? We'll see. But with such realizations, it's suddenly deeper than just getting girls.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Aaaand no. Not today either...! Okay, I did acutally compliment the earring of the cashier when I got lunch, but I don't consider hired guns as approaches.

Too tired to write. And I should really make posts shorter from now on.

In this one, I'll suffice it to say that I am taking desperate measures into use now, creating what I consider ridiculous consequences for not doing my new goal.

New goal? To be able to approach 10 girls just one day by the end of the next Friday. Maybe I should really make a deadline that is closer to speed things up even more.

Consequences? I'll transfer some money to a friend of mine if I don't manage to do 10 approaches in one day.

It's been 2 weeks already. Only 9 weeks to go. Jesus... what happened to the time? =(

In the last two weeks, I've made 2 direct openers and 1 attempt where the girl was not available. Good stats, huh..

But let's actually look at the bright side of what has happened in the last two weeks, and then it's goodnight:

- Related to the whole cold approaching: I know that my thoughts, feelings and ego won't get me anywhere when I'm out. Action is the only thing that means anything.
- I'm pretty much over porn. Also saw a gallery of porn stars without makeup the other day... yikes! If I ever get an urge to watch porn again, I'll watch that gallery again.
- I barely masturbate. Once or twice per week. Dick gets harder than usual, but I don't feel any need to jack it off.
- I actually still remember a girl I saw in the bus two or three days ago. Yup, her cute, feminine face got me rock hard. No stranger has ever survived for this long in my long term memory. It's a sign that real women can turn me on again!
- I have contemplated a lot about my past self in regards to my sex/love life. And I'm slowly saying goodbye to him. The new me is on his way...!
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Today will be summarized in three words:

I. Still. Suck.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Ahaha. Newest excuse to not approach in this excuse chain reaction of mine:

"I'm an adult, with 2-3 years before graduating from university. Only a bum at my age would do such thing. This is so... beneath me."

What an utterly pathetic excuse and, quite frankly, an insult to guys older than me, trying to make it. I guess I have some old beliefs I haven't gotten ridden off yet. Or it could be that my emotions and ego are trying to prevent me from bettering myself in my woman life. But can I really talk about my emotions and ego as if they are not a part of me? Come on... I am stopping me from the kind of sex life I want. You know the solution, buddy. Stop stopping yourself.

Who would keep talking himself out of making his life better for so long?

The longer I postpone this, the less certain I am about if I want this or not..

But sure, let's say I don't learn pick up as a skill for 10 years from now. And maybe I'll get lucky a couple of times. Then what? Do I expect that suddenly, I take a magic pill and overnight, I become a seduction god? Kill me now.... I don't have to weigh the opportunities for my future - it's obvious I want the odds to be in my favor instead of relying purely on luck.

Since the last post, I took the days off Sunday and Monday. The last five days I have wandered with no goals for my outings, and this is the most stupid thing I can do. No more of that. I am certainly not on a level where I can meet any girl I want. I need goals for now.

I also spent some time looking for inspiration to succeed - even though I had talked myself out of finding inspiration when I started again 3 weeks ago. It is SO easy to use reading and "bettering yourself through reading" as an excuse to do absolutely nothing. Thus, I will stop that again before I consume too much.

I have found the following material that resonates with where I am right now:

https://realtroyfrancis.com/2017/01/26/how-to-avoid-that-icky-feeling-about-being-into-game/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMQ4OxOxgrc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8JdkfZdhe8

I am following the practical tips from the bottom TedTalk. Let's see what happens..

Some good notes:
- I am having more fun these days. Not significantly more, but it's noticeable.
- I am being more like a lover of people. I flirt with my mother haha, it's fun!
- I haven't been stuck in my head lately... interesting. And as of today, I have not meditated in 3 days. What gives??
- Still no porn! Awesome. I felt the urge to watch it the other day, only to tell myself "Let me just watch those porn stars with no makeup one more time". And the thought alone was enough to keep me away.
- I work out 2-3 times per week. Love the feeling of testosterone running through my veins.
- Since working out my core again, my natural posture feels great!
- And I'm getting some great ideas to have an even better life, something which is totally unrelated to my woman life. I have a great feeling about this one!
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

I had the honor of meeting and spending a couple of hours with Kristian today during his transition in Copenhagen! Such a cool and chill guy. Watching him in action was inspiring, and I needed that. Even though I would find myself walking alone or talking to myself because he had gone over to talk to some girls that I wasn't even aware of haha! Seducers' problem, I guess :)

The most inspiring part was that he made it look so easy. And truth is, it is easy! And even though I knew this from my own experience a year ago, I have not been able to replicate that (as stated in my last 14 journal posts). Thank you bro!

So besides our long talks about life and women, the following happened:

In the subway on our way to the city, he had apparantly gotten eye contact with a woman in a group with other women. He just said "hi" to her and gave her a compliment about something, didn't hear what, and got a little bit of conversation going as they were exiting the subway :) Don't expect anything. Just be bold and in the moment.

Later we walked by a harbor, and he had seen two girls in a cafeteria. He liked the looks of one of them, went over to her and gave her a compliment. We all introduced each other, and we joined them. They were Belgians travelling Scandinavia. Both cute and engaging, especially Kristian's favorite girl! We chatted for 10 minutes before excusing ourselves. Kristian facebook-closed them, and I will need to work on how to take contact details of foreign girls now that I don't have Facebook or any social media apps. More on that another time. The main lesson for me was that it was so easy to start a conversation and stay in it.

I took him to the mall. Now it was my turn to do my thing. He also did his thing, and man, that guy is so chill about it. Love how far he has come in his seduction journey.

Before approaching, we saw two girls in the coffee house, and we both agreed on loving the curves of one of them. But nothing happened there. We found them again later (between my 3rd and 4th approach) where matchmaker Kristian forced a conversation to get her and me talking together, and in my mind I was like "yeah, just lead the conversation bro haha, it seems like everybody agrees this is unnecessary!" But it was a good experience. She brought up that she had a boyfriend, and inspired by Franco's latest post I told her "Great, so you're not married!" But noooo, she was engaged to some guy. Kristian couldn't see her engagement ring, and we teased her about it. We had fun putting ourselves out there, and that's what counts.

First approach: Kristian suggested a 2-3 girls I could have opened but I didn't feel like them. Eventually we pass a store where he points one out that I actually like the looks of. I take a few seconds to stop fighting any resistance and just go do it. She had her back turned against me, and I couldn't get in front of her. So go to her side, touch on her shoulder and wait before she looks

"Hey, I just saw you from outside the store. And I had to come tell you that I think you're cute!" She replies "Thank you" in a shy manner, and I leave. It was good to do this approach as a warm up! Nothing fancy, just getting into the mood

Second approach: We walked into a restaurant on third floor to get a look of the view outside. On our way out, I saw one of the female waiters by the desk and told her "Love the earrings!" and she replied with a warm "Thank you!" Another good warm up approach

Third approach: I saw the mall receptionist and told KRistian to wait for me, as I go over and tell her "Hey! I just saw you when I was walking by. And I had to come tell you that you have the prettiest hair I have seen all day!" She laughed and was flatterened while thanking me =) And left her with a "have a good day!" Don't remember if I shaked her hand. But now we were getting somewhere!

Fourth approach: girl with the most beautiful curles I had seen for a couple of days, no lie. She was working in a phone store, but standing outside it to attract customers. I didn't see any reason to flush this opportunity away and walked up to her.

Me: Hey, I just saw you while passing by you. And I had to come tell you one thing.
Her: Okay?
Me: You have the prettiest hair I have seen all day.
Her: Okay, thank you!
Me: *move my hand up to take hers, she takes it, and I just hold it there* You have a good day!
Her: You too

Nothing fancy, but it had to be done. The more into momentum I got from the previous encounters, the eaiser it became to approach this girl. And she happened to be the one I wanted to approach the most.

Kristian and I called it a day, went to the airport and left each other with a great, big bear hug <3 Can't wait to meet that guy again.

Lessons learned: Have fun =) Don't take yourself so seriously. Be chill about it
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

After my rehab session this morning I felt like staying home all day. I took a nap in the afternoon and began reading Alabaster Girl again. I felt inspired to go out and did it. Nothing happened, unfortunately. I saw one girl I really wanted to meet and some more that I kinda wanted to meet. Let's get back to action

I also met my former fwb Mary again after she helped me with something insignificant. I should just have asked her to meet me at my place instead of by the sea. But maybe it was better this way because I realized we didn't really have any connection whatsoever. To me, she's only good for booty calls. Deluding her into thinking anything else is possible, is a bad move. And maybe that is the downside of this meeting: I could have blown any chance of anything sexual to happen between us from now on. But who knows. I told her she should come to my place and have some tea. However, she had made up some lame excuse to her parents for going out. Of course I could have tried to convince her to make another lame excuse, but fuck that. I just wanted to see how she was doing. Further contact from my end should be a booty call. A lesson could be: invite girls over to my place right away if they live with their parents.

Goal for tomorrow: approach 4 girls. Have fun and be crazy =)
 

kristian

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 11, 2015
Messages
470
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

a-jay

Thank you so much for meeting up and helping me get rid of limiting beliefs about approaching abroad. Travelling can be very refreshing for us seducers.

Lets continue our journey together when you visit me in Oslo. Have a nice session with the 4 girls, can't wait to read your experiences forward this week.

- kristian
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

backstory said:
a-jay said:
Goal for tomorrow: approach 4 girls. Have fun and be crazy =)

HOW CRAZY?

Aaaah. Apparently not the kind of crazy I had in mind. I did four approaches though.

1st approach: girl in front of me in huge ass atm line.

Me: So what's this? Does no credit card terminals work?
Her: Doesn't seem like it!
Me: And we thought that credit cards would make us invincible compared to cash
Her: *laughs*

After she has gotten her cash, she turns around to meet my eyes, give me a smile, and leaves. She wanted me.

As I was passing a fairly attractive girl, I wink to her. She winked back with both eyes. Never knew girls would escalate to winking with two eyes this fast ;)

The rest of my approaches happened when I was waiting for the bus :b I realized I had passed up many opportunities and thought fuck it. Make the best out of it now.

2nd approach: old woman wearing leggings with a cool pattern. I ask her what it is, she doesn't know, but I think it's cool anyway. She holds her hand to her heart and tells me that she really appreciated the compliment. Glad you did, Madame. She just loved them when she saw them and had to buy them.

3rd approach: old couple. The wife has some bandage around a finger. I ask her in English what happened. Big language barrier, but I find out what happened. They are from Italy and going back home this week. I tell her about the times I have been there, how I love the people and the atmosphere and would love to go there again, just to visit her <3 We shake hands, and once they are in the bus, we blow kisses <3

4th approach: I ask two women, a mother and a daughter, what language they are speaking. An Indian language, it seems. Aaah. It sounds so beautiful.

And just as I'm leaving the bus, I look at the woman sitting close to me. She is with what I assume is her grandson. We smile when our eyes meet. I ask how old is he. Six. I ask him to show me with his fingers. Good boy. She tells me he cannot fall asleep now, it's good he gets distracted. "Because then somebody won't be able to sleep tonight? *wink*" and she winks back with a laugh. Wish them a good evening as I exit.

I'm not comfortable with street stops right now. Not sure why. But I'm falling in love with the idea of just being your outgoing, masculine self. And well, I ended up having fun anyway. I should stop worrying about what counts as an approach in my world (direct openers) and for now twist it to have fun.

Tomorrow is a day off spent with family and friends
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Despite the off-day, I happened to approach a woman while I was waiting for a friend to show up. We were both waiting for the light signal to turn green

Me: What pattern is that on your leggings? Trees?
Her: Sorry *semi-laughs* I speak English
Me: *repeats question in English*
Her: Yeah, it is!
Me: It's so cool. I love it! ;)
Her: *giggles* Thaaank you!
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

One approach in the gym yesterday. A mother beating up the punching bag next to mine. First time I'm talking to a woman in a gym for a couple of minutes. I forgot to relate to her, something I've gotten rusty about.

Went to a new coffee shop today. It's bad for meeting women. Will try some new ones the upcoming week.

I've felt quite low energy the last couple of days. The pattern I've noticed is that I'm jerking my motherfucker off again daily. And let me tell you - I get teenage boners again, and quite frequently! Maybe quitting porn was a bad idea afterall??? :D I'll join the "no masturbation challenge" on the boards haha! Let's see what happens.

Also, get a regular sleep pattern and meditate again.

Another thing to notice: I feel like I have become rusty when I interact with strangers. I have forgotten basic stuff like relating to people and leading the interaction forward. Will be fixed.

From my approach some days ago (girl with tree leggings), I see a structure in the way I approached her that I can see myself use in future conversations. Here's what I mean:

a-jay said:
Me: What pattern is that on your leggings? Trees? --> I ask her about the thing that catches my attention
Her: Yeah, it is! --> I could have asked the same questions without "trees" though
Me: It's so cool. I love it! ;) --> and now I deliver the compliment
Her: *giggles* Thaaank you!

So there it is: Clarifying question --> a compliment --> and let's put in an introduction as well.

It's something I can see myself experiment with, and I feel it's genuine with who I am. Not complimenting right off the bat, but I will get to it. Let's try it tomorrow.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

What happened... I ended up staying home ALL day yesterday haha. Da fuck?

But went out today. I was tired AS FUCK for some reason. Maybe one lazy day beget another one?

I decide to stay the way I am instead of getting into momentum. I didn't feel like it.

Bagel girl is preparing my lunch. I notice her shirt.

Me: Hey, where did you get that shirt?
Her: Not from here! (here = her workplace)
Me: I know. But I think it's very cool
Her: (mutters) thank you

She turned away just as she said it, so I couldn't take a look at her facial expression :(

A couple of seconds pass. She turned back.

Her: Do you want anything else for your bagel?

Her respons "not from here" was quite odd. I think she was trying to save face for not wearing her regular uniform. But I could have pushed it further. Maybe make a sceptical expression and say "duh, obviously ;)" or "I didn't ask where it was NOT from, silly ;)".

And introduce myself after compliment.

In one of my regular coffee shops, I saw a group of three girls. There was one of them whom I got eye contact with two or three times. She wasn't amazing, but she wasn't bad either. A cute girl. Should've approached them. Funny thing is, there wasn't any voices telling me not to do it. I just didn't.

Just like bagel girl. No voices told me to compliment. I just did it.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Still feeling that low energy. Only thing that makes me do anything these days, is willpower. And weird thing is: I feel I'm in my head, but I also feel I'm not O.O Weird shit

Anyway, at the bus stop tonight, I greeted the woman in her 40's sitting there with "good evening", before I sat down beside her. The bus would be arriving in 20 minutes. I enjoyed the silence for 5 minutes before taking a piece of gum and asking her if she wanted some. And from there we ended up talking until I had to get off the bus. She was an interesting one. Highlights from the conversation

- When I told her what I study, she replied "That's funny. I thought you might study that!" And I ask "It is funny. I wonder what gave you that impression?" Of course, she didn't know haha! I have concluded that her intention was simply to build my value up. But it's a fun and different way to do so!

- She mentioned that she could connect me with her daughter since I hadn't found a long term partner yet despite my efforts ;D That's sweet haha. Whether she was being serious or not, she talked about her daughter's studies and internships, but I wasn't impressed and steered the conversation away from it.

With cold approach, you never really know what you get. Doesn't matter who you're talking to.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Nothing worth mentioning the last couple of days, approach-wise. My energy is up again, though not over the top.

On the other hand, I feel like I have a different way of thinking about everything currently. It pretty much started since I posted "Ingesting Too Much Self-Improvement and Dating Advice? End It Now". And here I am, a week after, feeling... liberated. Released of some heavy chains I wasn't aware of. I have a lot of thoughts I need to get sorted out, and I will not do that in this post. But here is the essence of my current thought-pattern.

- I feel like I know everything. And yet, I know nothing.

- I feel like I accept all the insecurities I have. Yet, I don't feel insecure about anything particular??

- I understand that I can strive towards important goals. Do I care when and if I reach them? Not really. Life is pretty much like a lottery: You do your best with the chances you take (which requires a certain degree of optimism), but the chances you take may or may not lead to anything fruitful later on (realism). More on this one later.

- Life is so predictable. But it's just as unpredictable.

- I'm going to the gym a couple of times of week. I don't have any particular goal here. I just work out because I love exercising. Whatever body I end up with, is me. But at the same time, it's not me.

- Everything externally defines me. Everything internally defines me. Yet, nothing defines me.

- I understand that in order to get a girl to bed, presentation (fundamentals) + leading (game) are important for the man. Yet, just because you present yourself as the kind of man she most likely want to bed, doesn't mean that that presentation defines your whole person.

I can't really explain any of this. How I got here or what have you. Maybe this is me at my most vulnerable, like I wished for a month ago?

Whenever I post something like this in my journal, I wonder if the purpose of this journal is meeting girls or thinking like an experienced man :D I guess it's both. And regarding the experienced man side of things: it's like I have seen the whole world and know what it's all about. And yet.. I know nothing about it. I have still more things to experience.

I look back at when I began my search for pick up and seduction sites. All I wanted, was tips to be more confident and have fun with girls. I accepted back then that I was at a place in my girl-life where I was in need of help. Never did I imagine I would find something like Girls Chase: a site that had a lot of the same views on life as I had. And I could recognize the mindset of the lover from my past self and wanted that back. Yet, I have realized that you're not the lover if you try to be the lover. But when you are the lover, you just are that.

Am I the lover now? I don't know. All I know is that the mindset and actions of a lover don't define me. I might be a lover one second, then something entirely else the next.

I have learned one important thing in these years: state what you find attractive. A smile, hair, style, etc. But only to those you want to state it to. That is the most sincere trait I can think of.

With all that said, let me get back to my point about the lottery and the chances we take. I mean, how many things do we do and try in our lives that truly leads to anything fruitful? Usually, only the things that we work really hard on. But like the lamp guy (Edison?) said: "I never failed, I just found 10.000 ways that don't work". We sell things short to ourselves = give up too soon = almost never see the fruits of anything we harvest in our lives. I guess we have to want stuff bad enough before we can win the lottery. The difference between the lotteries we choose and the real lotteries with a money prize is that we can increase the odds of the success we want, by working on the things we care about.

So with enough work, I would be able to present myself more as a lover to the women I meet, in the kind of way that is congruent with my idea of a lover. And you guessed it: even when I can bring him out, I'm not him.

What are the points I'm trying to make?

Other people can tell us about their idea of who they think we are, and all we can respond is "Is that so?". I can personally recollect this happening in the past.

But nothing really defines us. We are everybody, and we are nobody.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Lost my second biggest approach invitation to this date. Fuck fuck fuck.
 

fog

Modern Human
Modern Human
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Messages
1,533
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peru
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

a-jay said:
Lost my second biggest approach invitation to this date. Fuck fuck fuck.

WHAT HAPPENED
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

backstory said:
a-jay said:
Lost my second biggest approach invitation to this date. Fuck fuck fuck.

WHAT HAPPENED

Hey backstory! The very second Kristian and I were walking past a woman, I got eye contact with her. He had noticed her beforehand and told me that she had been stirring at me. As he told me, it took me some time to realize what had happened, and she was long gone by then :(

I walked by myself yesterday and got eye contact with another girl as we were passing each other. Yet, I froze...

I've been out alone during the days since getting here, wandering around Oslo. I love this city. But I haven't really talked to anyone. It's like I've completely lost any momentum when it comes to meeting new girls.

We went out yesterday night. And I have not been out during the nights for a long time now, and it was refreshing. I did one approach that ended no where haha. Then we got to the bars and fun there. I'll get to Kristian's analysis of the situation later. Let's just say for now that I feel weird about approaching and being spontaneous.

FR: RedDress
At the last bar, we sat on a table with two girls, and I found one of them attractive. Let's call her RedDress, and her friend BlackDress seemed like a girl playing the status game. Kristian opened us all, and I get to talk with RedDress. She has a lovely personality: good mix of flirtatious and serious. She thought I was 4-5 years older than I really am. We talk about each other. I try to deep dive her about her passions, but she makes some excuse about having too little time for that because of her job. At one point I tell her we should go for a walk. She played coy and put up some "resistance". I tell her just for 10 minutes. Ok, but she has to tell her friend.

We walked around, looking in other bars, but finally I decided let's just sit outside. We talked some more, and I played with some romantic fun frames. "Why are we not married yet?", "We should get rings tattooed on our fingers" and stuff like that. She told a little about the students she teaches, and how non-judgemental she is (in hindsight, here's a good way to turn the conversation towards being sexually non-judgemental).

I went for more non-verbal communication, but she wanted to keep the conversation going. At last I had enough and just kissed her. She backed off after a couple of seconds. I don't remember her "excuse". We talked some more about why we're still not married and going on adventures. We kissed again, and she bit my lips hard this time. I paid her back :) And told her she's kinky. She asked if I was as well. I played it ambigious, let my facial expressions do the talking and kept her guessing. (Wonder if that was a good move not to let her have the satisfaction of a straight answer. Or maybe an answer like "Only with those whom I think can handle it").

She asked when I was leaving the city, and told me to let her have my number ("what?! You're not on social media??", she asked after I had declined having Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram hahaha). I wrote half of my digits and teased about her something kinky. She slapped my ass as a respons, and I just looked at her with lusty eyes and teeth biting my lip. I kissed her again before writing the rest of my digits and calling my own cell as a security measure.

We still talked, and I told her to show me where she lived on navigation app. 10 minutes walk from our current location. I told her let's go. "Oh no, I can't. BlackDress is waiting for me. And we're supposed to be back already!"(20-25 minutes had passed since we left the bar) I told her "She'll understand. Right now we're going to your place to get some wine. You don't have that? Then vodka. Not that either? Give me break, everybody has some alcohol at their place :D We'll just be there for 5 minutes and return." I can see she's turned on about the image of alcohol, her and sexy guy, but her logic is fighting her emotions. "But I don't bring anybody home the same day I met them. (in hindsight, a respond could have been "There's always a first time for everything ;)" ) Her logic won in the end, and I followed her back before telling her that the offer still stands, but it was too late now she was with BlackDress again. I told her I'm heading home, and let's find out something before I leave.

I called her this noon and told her let's meet up when I get back in the city in the afternoon. She agreed to. I called her again on my way back. No respons. I texted her to let me know if it was still on. Still no respons (4 hours ago). I get it.

I don't care if anything else happens. I had fun with her, and I haven't had this kind of fun in a long time.

Kristian's analysis of my current (and recurrent) pattern
It's not big news that I suck at opening people and lead a conversation forward, even though I find myself more (but never completely) relaxed in the later stages. Kristian could tell that as well when I gave him the headlines and some details of the FR. We haven't talked about solutions yet, but we'll look at that later. I have my own thoughts that I will hopefully share in my next post.

You would think that I would forget this once I travelled outside my own country, but that is not the case here. If I suck at something, I will most likely suck wherever I am (WOW, can you believe that!!! If I suck at something in one place, I will most likely suck as well in another place!!! What a realization!!!). And thus, working on the exact problem is the only thing to do. No way around it.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

Damn it, just lost my whole post because of auto-logout :( I'll keep this version short.

FR: Gay bar
It's my last night in Norway, and I just got home from a gay bar where I was with Kristian's lesbian friend, G.

On our way there I high-fived some people to get in social mood. It helped.

Girl 1: Met her on the dancefloor. When we had eye contact the second time, I just went over and introduced myself, and told her it's my last night here. I tried to get her to dance, but she claims she didn't know how to. I tell her I'll teach her, but she's not complying. Moving on.

Girl 2: Met her besides the bar. She was dancing for herself, and I go over to dance with her. Introduce myself, tell her it's my last night here, and first time I'm travelling alone. We get into a long talk about travelling before her friends find her, and they are heading to the dancefloor. She tells me to join, and I tell her later. Never found her again.

Girl 3: Met her outside. She was standing in front of me with her back towards me. I touch her shoulder with my finger, waiting for her to turn around before I compliment her braids. She thanks me in a skeptical way. G then told me that the girl was about to kiss another girl standing beside her, which I couldn't see, but she could see clearly. So I pretty much fucked that up for her. Whooops :)

GIrl 4: Met her at the bar. She was with a guy friend, and she laughed so loud and in a happy way that I had to tell her how contagious her laugh was. It was getting me in an even better mood. She thanked me in a very appreciative way and left a little after. I tell her friend that she is gorgeous, and why hasn't he not tried anything with her. Of course, he was gay and told me that everyone here was gay. I tell him I've been told otherwise, but whoever told me that was lying. Uhm, okay. Whatever.

Besides that, I had fun with some strangers and G on the dancefloor. She had some fun encounters as well, and we talked about them before I got tired and ended up here.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

What am I grateful for in my Oslo trip? My lessons. I learned more about myself in a couple of days that I have done in a couple of months:

- I'm still passive when it comes to my dating life. The habit of actively approaching strangers is not there yet. Somewhere in my (emotional) mind, it is ridiculous to do this. I feel like I'm better off with my time than approaching strangers. But I can only move forward as weird as it may be. I am moving forward in every aspect of my life except meeting new women (and men for that matter) to have fun with.

- In the meeting and opening phases, which seem to be my biggest problem, I don't have any control of the outcome whatsoever. Thus, I can't rely on whatever end goal I have in mind before I open. If she stays after the opener, I can worry about it. If she doesn't, I won't have to worry about it anymore. In a sense, opening is a screening tool for who's available right now. You never know about later, but you don't think about that until you have to. Just go meet her already! :)

- I am (still) taking myself way too seriously. Once again, I have forgotten how to have fun. It's unfair to me and the potential girls that I do this. I must be ready to make a fool out of myself.

- Running to a girl in the streets when she is a little far away isn't that scary and stupid as I thought. I did this with two women. One seemed startled when I approached her, and only wondered what the hell I wanted :D The other seemed surprised and happy, but was running late. Should I just have asked for her number right there? Anyway, the point is I have some ridiculous beliefs about running up to girls I need to get rid of. How? By doing it more.

- and finally, something I learned in the nights here (which might be the same in the day): I'm actually not that bad in the stages of a seduction where I have more control of the direction I want the conversation to go (that is, the stages that follows opening, introduction and the initial small talk). I know how to deep dive people, relate to them, give them value, move them etc. Once I get in a conversation, it's easy to make the converting.

This is thanks to the feedback from Kristian. He has done his best to push me, but he got to see firsthand how it is for me when I see a girl (or he picks one), and I just say "no, not that one" haha. And I look at him approach easily and feel inspired, but it doesn't help every time. Fuck me, it feels so awful to write the truth down when it is like this.

But it's not the end of the world :)

Chase's latest article on being a big deal and having a successful identity reasonates very well with me. I have sometimes thoughts about "Why should *I* approach girls?". I see myself as a successful person and, as I wrote, take myself too seriously from time to time. Sometimes simultaneously. The timing of that article being published couldn't be better. Even though I despise the idea of an identity, it can't be helped that I still take or don't take some actions as if I have a successful identity. Heck, even thinking in terms of success vs. failures is bad. Deep down, we can only worry about if we do the things we love the most, and if they give us what we want.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Re: a-jay's journal 2.0

The motivational struggle has been heavy the last week. I feel that I want to give up this journey and focus on learning about my life and becoming a more attractive man. And this made me recognize a pattern: I have tried, for most of the time that I can think of, to learn other skills to gain from the confidence I get. But has it worked? Not really. I'm just avoiding the real issue and not facing it head on.

If I want to be good at meeting women, I have to meet women. ANything else is just me making excuses, protecting my ego and thinking of myself as a big deal.

Even though I'm giving online dating another shot and being as open minded about it as possible, it doesn't help me to cold approach women.

I think one thing I can do for the next month or more is training myself to have a self-image of a guy that is having fun and taking some chances with women. This is the frame of mind I operated from last autumn/winter when I felt women were everywhere, and I went to bed with a couple of girls. I just took some chances in social circle and online. I didn't think of women as a big deal. I simply met them and saw what happened. Seduction is supposed to be easy, right?

Following this post, I will not post about my motivational struggles or other mindsets thoughts for a long time. Only meetings and interactions will be posted :)

Let's have some FUN!
 
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