Asking Waitress/Hostess for her number

Shroud

Space Monkey
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This topic I always seem to just generally fail at, I pertain to the necessary steps in terms of looking nice, good posture and confidence when just talking to her, but I do not know how to execute at all getting someone that her job being nice and friendly to everyone/she is working at the time.

I've tried different ways, and failed every single time.

There is a hostess at a sports bar I regularly attend to after work to relax, and I've used strong eye contact, her eyes are interlocked with mine every time and smiles/blushes, so I believe there is genuine interest.

But I have no clue how to execute asking for her number, it always seems awkward to me, and i get hesitant especially when she is around other employees at the hostess table. Usually I'm confident especially at a social scene, but this always gets me nervous and confused on how to do things right.

Thoughts anyone?
 

Eternity

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Have you isolated her and deep dived her? Or your interactions were just "fluff" talk which can quickly kill any hired gun's interest in you because you're just like every guy she talks to in her job. Understand and know that there's a 70% chance she has a boyfriend, seeing other guys (workplace), or in the near future might be engaged. Meaning, if you go for the number quickly and un calibrated (done it many times) this shit test will come up immediately and you will get blown out. Also, the long game is the smart play here, since you go here every day it bestows an excellent opportunity to bond with her on a more personal level and win over her friends and become socially proofed or instigate jealousy in her with other host/waitresses. I found through trial and error, it takes about 3 times to form that connection/attraction then you will either see her polite yet neutral or her giving you the "eyes", hovering, smiling, talking to you when she can indicating strong attraction towards you. But the catch is she might reject you becoming awkward for both (mostly you) and then you might have to go to another bar to relax after work till things cool off (it's likely the whole barstaff will know about it).

When asking for the number don't say :"Can I have your number? Or what's your number? While looking at her pleadingly, unless she is literally staring at you with sex in the eyes, then it wont matter much. Say: " Im going to check out this new place (bar, museum, fun place ect) this weekend (or whatever day you plan to take girls out) join me. Cool, i'll text you to so we can meet up later" Trade numbers nonchalantly and keep talking about something else. Or you can say "I got to go but I like talking to you, let's kick it later and talk some more, I'll hit you up" Trade and leave her with a sexy smirk.

This is best case scenario, rejection rate with good game and some attraction from her part is 50-50. The lesser of both the higher the rates of rejection...
 

Shroud

Space Monkey
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Yeah I was thinking the same thing, wondering to myself "hmm what would guys from girlchase do in this situation"

Its always been this foreign and unknown area for me, and ill go off your advice, worst case scenario she does decline, but it wouldn't be embarrassing or putting her on the spot in front of potential employees

Thanks for the advice, definitely will re-think this and approach it calmly and collectively
 

Lawliet

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Eternity said:
Have you isolated her and deep dived her?

When asking for the number don't say :"Can I have your number? Or what's your number? While looking at her pleadingly, unless she is literally staring at you with sex in the eyes, then it wont matter much. Say: " Im going to check out this new place (bar, museum, fun place ect) this weekend (or whatever day you plan to take girls out) join me. Cool, i'll text you to so we can meet up later" Trade numbers nonchalantly and keep talking about something else. Or you can say "I got to go but I like talking to you, let's kick it later and talk some more, I'll hit you up" Trade and leave her with a sexy smirk.

This is best case scenario, rejection rate with good game and some attraction from her part is 50-50. The lesser of both the higher the rates of rejection...

Well if they're working, it's not possible to deep dive or engage in long conversation. They'll be moving around, working, and can't talk.
What would you do eternity?

Ciao,
Lawliet
 

Eternity

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If she's your waitress plenty of alone time to at least have a bit of conversation and gauge her level of attraction/disinterest towards you and calibrate your play.

If not, go when it's slowing down and hang by the bar, get to know the bartender get him/her on your side. Waitresses naturally flock to the bar to pick up drinks for customers. Open with a situational opener while she's talking to the bartender (which she will) and talk to both which should be easier now that you have some social proof and mini deep dive her there while she hangs by the bar. Hired gun game is a similar version to social circle game, the more socially proofed you are with people of power working there, the more intriguing you are to pretty waitresses/hosts that work there. As i mentioned before, this is a long term play... You can roll the dice and ask her out when she's away from everyone but it falls to maybe number closing 70 (no)-30 (yes)if she's attracted to your looks to 90-10 if she's not and you haven't bonded with her at all. My observations anyway.
 

Thedoctor

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Shroud,

For the most part, I recommend beginners staying away from waitresses / bartenders. Main reason being newer guys have a hard time figuring out the difference between genuine interest on her part vs. her just doing her job.

I wrote a response to this a while back based on my own experiences. Here it is:

"I wouldn't say that waitresses are a waste of time because they're flirting to get better tips, although it is sometimes the case. But it's pretty easy to spot these kinds of waitresses if you discretely watch how she addresses the rest of her tables. If she sits down and chats with every table with guys, well, you know what she's doing. The reason waitresses are difficult is for a number of other reasons. Some of these are:

1) They get hit on CONSTANTLY during their shift.
2) In the restaurant/ bar industry, all the staff are all over each other like rabbits. I've known a few servers/ bartenders over the years and in a lot of cases, if they've worked there a while, they've probably slept with a few different staff members.
3) Even if a waitress does like you, she may not want to act on it because this workplace may be her main social circle (this industry works really strange hours, so chances are this is usually the case). And she may want to maintain her reputation and doesn't know how her co-workers will perceive her / label her a slut etc.
4) Some restaurants have a policy prohibiting them from fraternizing with customers.

So, I wouldn't say it's impossible to make something happen, just more difficult than your typical girl. Bear in mind, there is no approach here on your part, since she has to talk to you in order to do her job. This means you have to be that much more impressive when you do talk to her. I have successfully done it in the past, and here are some of my pointers:

Get some sort of investment. Obviously, it will be hard to get investment from her. Your best bet if is you can get her to sit at your table for a while. Or better yet, if her shift ends early enough, ask her if she wants to get a drink/food elsewhere. Do not stay at her workplace to avoid the social circle problem. And on top of that, I'm sure she doesn't want to stay late at her work and not get paid for it, would you?

Go to places when it's not busy. It's a lot easier to get her interested and more invested if it's not busy. If you're asking her to sit at your table when she's running around frantically, she'll just get annoyed.

Be discreet. If it comes to the point where it looks like you can get her number, don't pull out your phone. This is her workplace, you need to be very discreet. Ask her to write it down on a receipt when she has a chance. If she doesn't care about discretion, she'll ask for your phone.

Don't be a regular. I've noticed this thing that some waitresses do that is a deceiving form of friend-zone. They may really enjoy your company (you're making her work day go by quicker). She'll ask you to come visit her again at work (she'll tell you her next shifts that week for example). A lot of guys will make the mistake of thinking that that is progress, but it goes against moving quickly and you are investing a lot very early on in doing so. Tell her you're a busy guy and you enjoy spending time with her, but you're probably not gonna be coming back there. If she really likes you, you'll get a number.

Get her off auto-pilot. Waitresses are in even more focused auto-pilot than your typical girl. Sometimes, even things that would get other girls out of auto-pilot won't get a waitress out of it. This is where it is really important to be unique.

Last, don't be a creep. I've known enough waitresses to know they take a lot of crap in the course of their day. Just be suave and charming, and she may end up leaving her workplace with you!"

-John
 

Eternity

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Excellent write up Doc, mirrors my experience 100%. Waitresses can be hard targets but also can be a great hook up if gamed correctly.
 

Sophisticated Gent

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I have two more points to add to Doc and Eternity's excellent points. Most guys treat restaurant staff like meat. They pop in and out and think the staff are a quick pickup. That is why it is important to be genuine with your interest. The deep diving will need to get beyond her job and get into external interest. Find out stuff that is personally important to people. Things like her family, friends, her birthday, what she wants to do in the future etc. There will come a shift in her attitude towards you. She will shift from a customer relationship to a personal relationship with you. The hard part is you must recognize this when it happens or you can slip into the friendzone quickly. Look for a difference in how she greets you and a change in the way she treats you from others customers. When the change happens that is when you go for the contact info and set up outside meeting.

Hostesses are the hardest in the group to approach. They have to stay at there station. Your interaction with them is short. If you hang out at their stand you can get them in trouble with the boss. You really have to work hard at getting time with her when she can talk. Find out when she can take a break. Come in at times that are slow. If it is to hard to do then you may have to just go with the direct ask once you have build up some rapport. This will not work without having established some interest from her. The direct ask is like.

I think you are an interesting person. It is really hard getting to know you here at your job. Let's get together over coffee/drinks and get to know each other better. What is your number? (you should type it in your phone so she doesn't have to do so in front of coworkers.) Awesome i will text you to set up a time.

SGent
 

Lawliet

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Anyone done a 2 min number close with hired guns?

Lawliet
 

ray_zorse

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Another thing I would suggest here is to lead in with a compliment or something at a personal level... first impressions are really important. Preferably, you approach/attract her attention and introduce yourself etc. If she approaches you with some question like "smoking or non-smoking?" etc, then you act like you didn't hear it, go into the interaction a little, and then eventually give her the needed information. Once you do that, it's a bit like breaking circle, so it will be hard to get her attention back. You really need to find out something about her, and basically be a sexy man and create a connection, in the initial minutes.
Ray
 

Eternity

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Lawliet said:
Anyone done a 2 min number close with hired guns?

Lawliet

Very few times but they were giving me the eyes and I knew to pull the trigger. Need at least to see her 3 times to connect with her and have attraction blossom between both of you. Shit, try talking shop with a cashier or store associate yourself for two minutes and report the result of your attempt to number close her on the boards. Curious to see the results...
 

Richard

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Step 1) Small flirting.
Step 2) Write your number down on paper/bill.
Step 3) "I didn't want to embarrass you at work." Wink, smile.
Step 4) Wait for her to text you.

Learned this one from NJ and it works very well.
 
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