Importance of assuming attraction



Importance of assuming attraction

Postby DarkKnight » Sun May 12, 2019 1:08 pm

The further I get, the more I feel the nuances of assuming attraction. It is much more than getting the confidence to approach a girl, it also gives you implied preselection by your mannerism, destroys neediness, gives you better frame control and also helps you move faster.

What it also does is it makes you stop pinging and looking around for signals, which in my opinion makes you look obvious and low value.

Assuming attraction is spot on.
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Re: Importance of assuming attraction

Postby nad_bigger » Sun May 12, 2019 1:54 pm

fuuuuck ARE YOU THE ACTUAL BRUCE WAYNE????!!!!!!! THIS IS AMAZING BROOOOOO! I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN SINCE CHILDHOOD!






for real though "stop pinging and looking around for signals" is exactly what I needed to read today, thank you bro
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Re: Importance of assuming attraction

Postby DarkKnight » Sun May 12, 2019 3:43 pm

Haha if I were Bruce Wayne I would only bang models instead of fighting crime but I digress.

Nothing wrong with covertly looking for signs or the girls vibe though. But pinging means automatic chasing.
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Re: Importance of assuming attraction

Postby Space » Mon May 13, 2019 2:54 am

DarkKnight wrote:Assuming attraction is spot on.

I've heard this before, but thanks for reminding me!

But where was it? Ah! It's the Anti-Manifesto by 60 Years of Challenge.

60 Years of Challenge wrote:Anti-Manifesto (Do Less)

You don’t really need to do much of anything.

There is already tension between men and women. By definition that tension is sexual. It’s always lurking just beneath the surface. If it was acceptable I believe people everywhere would be having carefree flings with multiple partners all the time. This tension is so dangerous it often leads to complete strangers hooking up in minutes.

Do Less, Not More

Just by showing up, without doing anything, there is already sexual tension between you and women. It is natural and automatic.

That means:

1. There is really nothing “special” you need to do or say

2. Most women are already naturally attracted to you

My Anti-Manifesto

It is my belief that it’s not so much what you need to do or knowing which “special” things to CREATE attraction as much as you just need to NOT do the small things that reduce the sexual tension that is already there. What kills it forever?

- talking

- laughing

- reacting

- fidgeting

- bailing her out

- supplicating facial expressions

I consider this an anti-manifesto because most strategies usually focus on what you need to do or say. There is nothing to say. There is nothing to do.

Your whole life you have been doing things to lessen tension. You have always tried to make everybody else around you feel more comfortable at your own expense. You do this with your friends, your co-workers and especially the women you like. When things get tense or awkward you’re the big clown making everyone laugh and feel comfortable.

Even when girls reject you, you are more worried about their comfort level than your own. You don’t want her to feel awkward. Aw, what a nice guy!

This is bad because doing things to help women feel more comfortable with the sexual tension will be viewed by her as supplication.

A woman is never going to be attracted to a man that can handle LESS sexual tension than she can.

In the end it always seems to come down to who wins the little tension battles:

Eye Contact: who is going to look away first

Introduction: who pulls their hand away first

Silence: who gives in and talks first

Resistance: who tries to diffuse the awkward moment first

Who breaks down and needs to have a talk about “what is going on” first

Let’s look at a few subtle ways guys reduce the sexual tension in their interactions with
women:

Opening & Silence

The reduction of tension starts right away. Most guys will use a social opener or make up an excuse to start the conversation. This may help you and her both feel comfortable, but is that really such a good idea?

Right from the beginning guys are scared of silences. In fact right after you introduce yourself, you want to pause for a second and give her a chance to contribute. Instead what guys usually do is just assume it’s their job to talk and entertain the whole time. It all comes off as they are trying to qualify themselves instead of the other way around. (The person talking is the person qualifying). When silence happens, as it always will, who feels the pressure to talk first?

Seductive Listening & Facial Expressions

Another way guys break sexual tension is by making supplicating facial expressions when listening. Instead of using this opportunity to bask in the natural tension of the moment guys get wide-eyed, flash goofy smiles and do lots of head nodding. And don’t forget the nervous throw away lines like “oh my god that’s so funny”. Instead you want to keep relatively quiet and use more of a blank stare when listening. Similar to a poker players face. By listening intently but not giving her much feedback she will feel like she needs to qualify herself to you.

Escalation & Resistance

Anytime you get verbal or physical resistance there will be even more tension in the air. This is good news. Resistance is great! But if you react to the resistance verbally (ie. trying to diffuse the awkwardness by making a joke) you will kill that tension. The same thing happens if you look sad and become pouty. If you don’t react to her resistance it never becomes real. It’s not official. It’s like it never happened. Being un-reactive and keeping composed lets you be persistent without coming across needy.

Tests

Many times it’s not just you. When women become aroused they will try to reduce the tension by baiting you to break rapport. Of course you fall for this trap because you think you need to break rapport to create sexual tension. See the problem? The sexual tension is already there.

Even witty comebacks and reframes can reduce tension. As such, tests are best handled this way. Hold seductive eye contact, smile and turn your head away slowly. If her test is due to a legitimate comfort issue then your response can be delivered in a more serious tone.

Her: We are not hooking up tonight.

We’re both adults. We can do whatever we are comfortable with.

Bailing Her Out

When you ask women to exchange numbers, meet up or come over and watch Netflix, you should just ask her and then shut the hell up. When women start stalling or making excuses guys always seem to bail them out by saying something. They crumble under the pressure.

Instead don’t say anything. Let the moment linger. It’s her decision so the pressure is on her. If you can just keep your mouth shut long enough, women will see that you are not “over eager” to get her number or a date and she will agree to whatever you were asking for.

Risk Creepy?

As I mentioned earlier sometimes you have you have to embrace awkwardness and risk creepy. You want her breathing heavy and get her heart beating faster. That’s because these symptoms mimic the signs of her being attracted. This tension is a good thing. In the early attraction phase, you don’t want things to feel too comfortable.

How Dare You!

Not breaking the tension can be even harder for new guys with less experience. You will be tested more. Women will look at you like how dare you be so confident. Plus, if you think of yourself as not traditionally “good looking” you will automatically think you need to DO STUFF to make women attracted to you.

Actually it’s just the opposite.

Guys need to do less. The things you are doing now might be getting reactions, but they are also reducing the tension. It’s very subtle but when guys believe they don’t have a shot with a woman, they say or do things to sabotage their chances.

The funny thing is at the beginning the sexual tension and attraction was there. But because they didn’t believe she was attracted, that tension made them feel awkward. So of course they were the ones to break it off first.

The key to assuming attraction is to remember that on some level there is already sexual tension between you and most women. This tension exists naturally. An automatic connection if you will. As such, your focus shouldn’t be on what “special things” you need to say or do, but rather on just not breaking the natural tension and attraction that is already present.

Do Less.
Learning seduction, doing seduction, and also contributing to the forum, all three at the same time? Nah, that's too much. Forum bankruptcy. I'd still appreciate if you could chime in on my two most burning questions here and here.
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Re: Importance of assuming attraction

Postby DarkKnight » Mon May 13, 2019 11:04 am

Space, Chase has some excellent articles on those subjects as well. Your post however seems to be more relevant to "the law of least effort" than what I am trying to convey.
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Re: Importance of assuming attraction

Postby Fluxcapacitor » Mon May 13, 2019 4:57 pm

DarkKnight dude! Ya space dudes abstract mostly relates to law of least effort but there's a point made that by not assuming attraction ya will do more to build it. Qualifying yaself. Assuming attraction stops ya doing this, making the law of least effort even less effort.

A see the angle where space dude is coming from.

Ya OP is totally spot on though. It makes ya more confident, bold an stops ya killing ya own attraction by testing the water for interest an just going for it which increases attraction an stops ya lowering ya own value.
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Re: Importance of assuming attraction

Postby DarkKnight » Tue May 14, 2019 10:26 am

Yes I understand Flux and I agree that it helps with stopping to dilly dallying. However law of least effort can be interpreted multiple ways. Sometimes you really need to be persistent because people need to be led, especially women because they can be risk averse and you can pick that up as disinterest. So I believe you should really insist at the beginning without being a needy fag and the best way to do this is by assuming attraction because you will automatically have the assumption that this is best for you and her. However if you become too law of least effort like, it's as if you let things die off maybe because of chance or randomness.

Good luck for instance with being a law of least effort guy with really shy girls. That's why I am wary about correlating law of least effort too much with this subject.
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Re: Importance of assuming attraction

Postby Space » Tue May 28, 2019 2:50 am

DarkKnight-

I was re-thinking this always assume attraction, meanwhile going out a few times. The thing is, I'm not even thinking about her attraction, as I care about whether I'm attracted to her or not. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but this how I roll.
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