Roommate With Toxic Relationship

Whattup.

Got some difficult sheit here amigos.

My new roommate (Day One from my FR's) has a "girlfriend". He's been "dating" her for like 2-3 years, some of which he told her that she was the only girl he was seeing. This was bullshit, because he fucks a good amount of chicks. I didn't know that he was lying to her this whole time, but he has been. When talking about rooming we even bring up how much pussy we're gonna pull to this place together. Of course, I'm not alright with him cheating if she doesn't know it's open.

So she found out (or at least he says she did) and she's been crazy since. She's attacked him multiple times physically. One of the times it was really ugly and I walked in on it - was a pretty fucked up night.

This was also the DAY after I signed our new lease. He said after the night I walked in he would break up with her since rationally it's obvious that this is a chaotic mess, and it's not healthy fucking at ALL. They're actually on an all day date out of the city for memorial day right now.

A month or so go by and they're still dating, but everytime they get drunk together I see her go from 0 to 100. Her and I are in good standing. I've fucked one of her hottest friends so I'm good with the friend group, and overall I consider her one of my friends. That's not really important though. I really don't want them dating if he's gonna be my roommate.


1). For my sake - I don't want to hear them fighting, or be connected to messy situations late at night when I'm trying to sleep or having people over. I don't want drama in my house (that's why I've lived alone for 2 years as of now), and only considered living with Day One because we never have problems. I also don't want her rearing her head around when I'm trying to pull with him.

2). For his sake - EVERY friend in our group has told him that this is a really unhealthy relationship. They've seen it for 2+ years having lived with him, and it's a constant cycle of fight, make up, fuck, "honeymoon", fight, etc. She's a sweet little angel one second and then she has 3 drinks and starts being controlling over him, eventually resorting to attacking him verbally and then physically. It's extremely hard for him to deal with emotionally, because he loves her. I don't see them fixing this fucked up shit they're doing, and everyone surrounded by him agrees it was time to cut it off with her YESTERDAY. When I talked to him about it it's clear he's normalized the physical abuse ("every couple fights dude").

3). For his girl's sake - She loves him, as well. But she's seeking validation from a guy that is going to keep seeing other girls, and a guy that doesn't have it in him to break it off with her for HER long term happiness. I hate seeing her be effected by this as well, and feeding the cycle that they're stuck in. But I know she won't be the one to break it off, given the situation.


I can't force anything upon him. But for my own sake, his, and hers, I want to be able to do something.

How do you guys think I should deal with this? We start living together in July. I'm super fucking pumped to move in, but this just puts a huge nasty wart on the whole thing.

Hey Hue,

I'm not a savant at game like you are, but I have learned that you can't really change people. Also I think you are aware of that being the case. The only thing you can do is eject from the situation, which I understand is shitty. People are a lot of time like automotons, they keep going over the same patterns and when you try to change them, which they usually won't, they can take great offense.

Each time I try to warn my friends about girls that they are seeing they get into the defensive. So I don't. Not anymore.

Kinda one of those things you just gotta shrug your shoulders and shake your head at. Totally sucks to see 2 people hurting themselves (essentially) but all you can really do is point out to them "hey your an idiot your hurting yourself and your girl in a go nowhere relationship. I'll shut up about it after I speak my piece but what your doing isn't healthy and you could do way better for yourself and quit breaking that girls heart over and over again. You aren't going to take my advice but you'll damn well listen to the truth for a minute and I'll forever keep my peace on the matter unless it starts bleeding into my life. Well there you have it."

Whatever your version of that is is about the most you can do. Then you have to consider the roommate situation. I personally would not do the roommate thing but I'm pretty obsessive about having a very peaceful uplifting household (its not good to have negative vibes in the place you rest your head in my experience).

Anyway best of luck big dawg.

Dark Knight,

Yea "warning" your friends over girls isn't gonna help them unless they see you as a total authority with women. Even then, telling your friend "don't fuck her she's crazy" won't SHOW him just how crazy she is.


Mr. Rob,

I know, I can't do anything. One of those "magic talks" usually slams things shut more than opens them up, in my experience. But doing so in a way that communicates "hey this is me signaling get the fuck out of your relationship, I hate watching you hurt yourself and hurt her, there's other girls out there that you wouldn't have this toxicity with - done", might plant a seed.

Even then though, it kinda comes down to a "did I ask?" sort of thing.

Well this is the risk I took in deciding to have a roommate again, gotta respect the potential consequences from that and just deal with them as they arise.


Thanks for the replies gents.