Toxic perhaps truthful beliefs about adult life that stop me from happiness.

On paper I have a lot going for me, nice job in an awesome city and a dating life that is respectable but I am unhappy overall because my social life sucks. It sucked growing up due to circumstances out of my control but as an adult, you have more control over your life so you cannot blame parents. I grew up in a poor sketchy area without any quality friends to be around and when I got to college, my social skills were still developing. Now I am in adulthood after college graduation, stuck in a mental rut which is a dark cloud stopping me from being happy.

So I pulled out my journal and wrote down the toxic thoughts that stop me from being happy.

1. There are no cool fun party people to hang out with once you graduate college, like the fun party crowds with hot girls in them go away.

2. Everyone becomes less fun and cool after college, they become losers who want to get married with kids and take life "seriously".

3. College was the last time in life to make a lot of cool fun single friends who love to party and have fun.

4. In order to be an exception to rules 1-3, you have to give up all of your career and life goals around being rich and go work as a bartender, club promoter, or in the entertainment industry while rich trust fund kids who had everything handed to them get to have a cool social life in college and an awesome career afterwards.

5. People over the age of 25 are naturally hostile towards making new friends.

6. There might be no such thing as the life I want of party animals who are rich as well as hot girls as friends after college, college is the only place in life you can have success with social life and dating life.......

Fuck, I want to die sometimes and be born as a rich trust fund baby who peaks in college, what's the point of peaking afterwards.

I love my job and I feel like I want to get stuff done but I have to get the social life demon out of my system but I feel like I cannot get that out of my system. I wish I had a role model.

I mean I don't get it.

40 hrs a week is not that much motherfuckers.

You can spend time outside of work getting laid, making new friends, and building an awesome social life but why is it so impossible from what everyone says?

I've lost my faith in humanity so much.

Why does everyone suck so fucking bad that they bitch about how tough life is after college and how bad the working world is?

College was ROUGH for me with my difficult major, adulthood is easy but 99% of other people feel differently, they want to get married with kids and not have fun in life because they peaked in college. The rest are losers who the world would be better off without if they fell off the face of the earth.

I have lost so much faith in humanity.

I mean its 40 fucking hours a week fuckfaces, it isn't that much.

I hate that what I want relies so much on at least some adults being competent enough to handle adulthood but my fucking shit, does the average American adult suck that bad after college?

Hey man this is really getting obnoxious. We all vent once in a while, but you're kind of spamming the forum.

How about a much better suggestion: Focus on what is good, take action to make things better. Also stop blaming others for your unhappiness, you are insulting the majority of the people out there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with settling down and taking life serious as you put it.

The world will never behave as you want it to do, or you think it should behave. Time to start accepting reality.

Toby said:

2. Everyone becomes less fun and cool after college, they become losers who want to get married with kids and take life "seriously".

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I just snorted hard in the Starbucks I am reading this in.

Guy meets girl --> guy and girl like each other --> decide to reproduce --> Toby: "Ha! Looooosers!"

Toby said:

3. College was the last time in life to make a lot of cool fun single friends who love to party and have fun.

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Toby said:

4. In order to be an exception to rules 1-3, you have to give up all of your career and life goals around being rich and go work as a bartender, club promoter, or in the entertainment industry while rich trust fund kids who had everything handed to them get to have a cool social life in college and an awesome career afterwards.

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What.

Toby said:

5. People over the age of 25 are naturally hostile towards making new friends.

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What?

Toby said:

6. There might be no such thing as the life I want of party animals who are rich as well as hot girls as friends after college, college is the only place in life you can have success with social life and dating life.......

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What.

Your entire set of six beliefs contradict my entire life's experience.

As well as that of many of the posters on the Girls Chase Boards and on the rest of the site.

I thought you were living in NYC.

How are you able to hold onto these beliefs living in any city with population >40,000?

There must be, like, active steps you take to maintain this.

Do you stay in your room Friday night after work and drink quietly alone, drowning your sorrows in a bottle of tequila?

Do you spend your Sunday afternoons staring out your window watching the people mill about on the street below, shaking your fist at them like some crusty old man?

How do you maintain these delusions? It can only be through willful avoidance of substantive interaction with other human beings.

You would think by accident if you went out to a nightclub once or twice a year, or talked to some people under 35, you'd randomly run into a few people who like to party hard. There are scenes like this all over New York.

I'm not sure how this mindset is even possible in that city. Let alone any city.

On the "hostile toward making new friends"... have you considered this might be subjective, rather than objective?

As in "People are not hostile toward making new friends; however, I do something that makes people hostile to the idea of friendship with me."

I would focus on that aspect first.

Have you ever asked yourself "What kind of man would I need to be to make other people really want to hang out with me and be my friend?"

I don't get the impression you have.

That's Step #1.

If you were born rich, but were as you are now, nobody would want to be friends with you then either.

If you had 100,000 followers on Instagram, but were as you are now, still, nobody would want to be friends with you then either.

If you were back in college, yet were as you are now, even still, no one would want to be friends with you.

Start at the root. The root is "Whom do you have to be to attract friends?"

Until you change yourself, you will spin your wheels forever.

How is that not obvious?

This entire site is about changing yourself.

All you do is complain about other people.

You do not have control over other people. None at all.

You only have control over yourself.

There are probably 150,000 people in New York City who are living the life you want who are exactly the type of people you want to hang out with. They are there. There are LOTS of them.

What you must do is change YOURSELF so these people go from "Geez, I have to actively avoid Toby, what a downer" and switch to "Man, Toby is one hell of a bomb-ass guy. I've GOT to get him out with us this weekend!"

Start with that.

Work on yourself.

There is no other way.

Chase

Some opportunities in life just close, as much as that hurts and it hurts me too having been on the wrong end of it. You'll never re-create the experience of college where thousands of people at the age of 18 enter that atmosphere where everyone is going through almost the same exact thing and is out on their own for the first time. To replicate this at any other point in your life, not even sure how that could be done because so many people go their own way after college.

Despite how good it looks on paper, if you really want to enjoy those years and have them be as great as others says, you have to make a good impression early in order to be a part of the in-crowd during those days. The Pareto Principle still applies, it is still only a select number of people having all the fun, resources, and enjoying all the experiences.

Top tier fraternities are picky about handing out bids and after freshman year, your social status is set in stone. Most people who go to college will not experience the fun of partying with the hottest sorority and going to the exclusive events, it is still reserved for the very few. Even if you had thousands of people on a campus, the in-crowd whose college experience is shown as the norm really only associated with a select number and forgot about everyone else. Top frats usually only associated with the hot sororities and athletes, not with the Chess club.

Now this is for people that actually end up at a party school, let's look at people who:

1. Went to an engineering school or a university with horrible gender ratios.

2. Went to a really small school out in the middle of nowhere or just not going to a party school in general.

3. Commute to college or go to a commuter campus with no social life.

The college experience starts to become a lot less ideal.

My point being, you don't need 80% of people in their 20s to be single, wealthy, and fun party animals. If even 20% of people in their 20s are like that, that is great. Just like the cool party kids in college found their exclusive little crowd, you can work on finding yours as well. Plenty of cool kids in college stay single after graduation to enjoy big city life, you can too.

At every age range, the Pareto Principle (aka 20:80 rule) applies.

If you are truly a successful single guy in his 20s in a big city, you'll naturally start to run into more people like you even though at first it will seem unlikely.