My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.



My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Toby » Sat Nov 03, 2018 2:29 am

So I got called into my boss's office at the end of day today and he had someone on the line, it was an HR rep, not the best feeling in the world. I was told by my boss that today was my last day at the company and that it was not a performance issue but rather an attitude issue that led to him letting me go. Fortunately I have enough saved up for the next 3 months of rent but it is not the best of situations to be in. I did not see it coming but deep down inside, I was miserable with my life despite making good money in a corporate career, confident that I will bounce back but still a tough blow.

Now I know that at the workplace my demeanor was a bit dry and not as upbeat which is not normal for a young type of workplace. I dug into why I have been so miserable and it had to do with missing out on the college experience, not being one of the cool kids, not having the party life I want and just having all this bitterness in me. In many ways I felt like a victim, a victim of bad life circumstances due to not growing up a rich kid with parents that funded his party lifestyle or not lucking into the right frats in college.

Its like I am at a loss right now mentally of where to go in life. I still want to continue building my career in my youth but at the same time, I want that life of a nightclub worker, bartender or someone in that scene which I feel I was robbed of in college. Yet I do not know where to with it, I don't want to throw away a career and a resume gap of over a month is death in my industry. At the same time, I feel like I work a job and do not get to really live the kind of life I want to live in terms of my dreams.

I want to be that bartender at a nightclub being around the madness but I feel like life put me in a situation where that job is almost impossible to get. I feel bitter that I was not one of the cool kids growing up and that I didn't have hot girls in my social circles, yet I know that bitterness leads to a nasty cycle but I cannot break free from it because I feel that now we're done with college its too late to build that life so I cope with this idea that one day money, escorts (when legal) and other things help me ease my tensions. I dream of somehow lucking into a bartending job at a nightclub, a nice crew of people or just doing something to where one day I have my cool friends, fun job at a nightclub, a nice career going, thousands of social media followers and hot girls I am occasionally fucking.

But I cannot break out of this victim mentality that got me fired today, its like I can't.....

I am miserable.

I am hopeless.

I do not see a way of accomplishing the kind of life I want.

I do not even know if the kind of life I want is even achievable.
Toby


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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Kvothe » Sat Nov 03, 2018 10:15 am

Sucks.

Think of it this way, you have no obligations so move to someplace better and find a job there. Sublet the place or just kiss the money to pay those 3 months good bye. Nothing is worth losing three months of your life for.

Also please stop putting the words victim mentality in your titles. If you want to write a negative post, write it, then delete it, and then rewrite in a way that reframes your situation as positive. If you can’t frame it positively, please don’t post it. I feel like I get secondhand victim mentality from reading these kinds of posts.

Basically move somewhere better for girls, I’d also think about hiring a coach.

Go bartend for a few months, I don’t think you’ll find much happiness there, since it is a highly stressful job at super party places. I know I’d rather be buying the drinks in that situation.

Honestly just leave your current city and take control of your life direction. If you’re so unhappy then just do it.
Never let fate dictate what life has in store for you
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Grand Pooba » Sat Nov 03, 2018 10:27 am

PeachFrustration wrote:So I got called into my boss's office at the end of day today and he had someone on the line, it was an HR rep, not the best feeling in the world. I was told by my boss that today was my last day at the company and that it was not a performance issue but rather an attitude issue that led to him letting me go. Fortunately I have enough saved up for the next 3 months of rent but it is not the best of situations to be in. I did not see it coming but deep down inside, I was miserable with my life despite making good money in a corporate career, confident that I will bounce back but still a tough blow.

Now I know that at the workplace my demeanor was a bit dry and not as upbeat which is not normal for a young type of workplace. I dug into why I have been so miserable and it had to do with missing out on the college experience, not being one of the cool kids, not having the party life I want and just having all this bitterness in me. In many ways I felt like a victim, a victim of bad life circumstances due to not growing up a rich kid with parents that funded his party lifestyle or not lucking into the right frats in college.

Its like I am at a loss right now mentally of where to go in life. I still want to continue building my career in my youth but at the same time, I want that life of a nightclub worker, bartender or someone in that scene which I feel I was robbed of in college. Yet I do not know where to with it, I don't want to throw away a career and a resume gap of over a month is death in my industry. At the same time, I feel like I work a job and do not get to really live the kind of life I want to live in terms of my dreams.

I want to be that bartender at a nightclub being around the madness but I feel like life put me in a situation where that job is almost impossible to get. I feel bitter that I was not one of the cool kids growing up and that I didn't have hot girls in my social circles, yet I know that bitterness leads to a nasty cycle but I cannot break free from it because I feel that now we're done with college its too late to build that life so I cope with this idea that one day money, escorts (when legal) and other things help me ease my tensions. I dream of somehow lucking into a bartending job at a nightclub, a nice crew of people or just doing something to where one day I have my cool friends, fun job at a nightclub, a nice career going, thousands of social media followers and hot girls I am occasionally fucking.

But I cannot break out of this victim mentality that got me fired today, its like I can't.....

I am miserable.

I am hopeless.

I do not see a way of accomplishing the kind of life I want.

I do not even know if the kind of life I want is even achievable.


This guy....

First he complains that he doesn't want to throw away his corporate life to pursue nightlife full time, and the nightlife dream was impossible because of the corporate job.
Now his corporate job has thrown him out full time, so technically he can pursue his nightlife dream full time (or part time or whatever) with no distractions....and everything is hopeless and you still cannot accomplish the life that you want.

Ah man, you are truly blind. It's like truly sad to see, and I know nobody can help you, because you won't help yourself.

It's stunning to me the lengths you go to be a victim.
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Mr.Rob » Sat Nov 03, 2018 1:17 pm

Hey man if getting hot college girls and party life is just too hard for you I've got a rich gay uncle named Pretty Ricky. You know if you need to give up I can link you guys together and Pretty Ricky will take care of everything you need in life.

Its an alternative lifestyle but the way you cry all the time you might just find it suits your tastes man.
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby The Emerald Archer » Sat Nov 03, 2018 1:25 pm

To be honest man I'm not surprised in the least. I know that sounds harsh but based on the way your threads read your attitude and mentality have been the #1 flaw and weakness with you and people have tried to tell you that time and time again but you wouldn't listen.

Just reading through your posts and seeing the language that you use and the way you phrase certain things it's not hard to see that you rub people the wrong way in real life.

I dug into why I have been so miserable and it had to do with missing out on the college experience, not being one of the cool kids, not having the party life I want and just having all this bitterness in me. In many ways I felt like a victim, a victim of bad life circumstances due to not growing up a rich kid with parents that funded his party lifestyle or not lucking into the right frats in college.


..? That right there not taking any responsibility and placing the blame on externals instead of where it belongs, yourself.

I still want to continue building my career in my youth but at the same time, I want that life of a nightclub worker, bartender or someone in that scene which I feel I was robbed of in college. Yet I do not know where to with it, I don't want to throw away a career and a resume gap of over a month is death in my industry. At the same time, I feel like I work a job and do not get to really live the kind of life I want to live in terms of my dreams.


So...you have been complaining about the corporate world standing in your way of achieving your dream playboy lifestyle. Making claims about how people that are in the 9-5 world don't usually date or sleep with attractive chicks and/or don't enjoy a social life that consists of partying and getting girls that way. Now you don't have to be burdened by making that decision since someone else has made it for you and instead of jumping for joy, you still talk about not wanting to "throw away" your 9-5 career...really dude?

Smh man I don't get the way you think and I am convinced that nothing anyone posts on a forum will be able to help you until you first help yourself by changing your mindset and beliefs. I hope this event can serve as the catalyst that forces you to finally change your mentality and wordlview and sets your life in motion towards a more positive future.
Formerly BBeyond

"I hated every minute of training. But I said: don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as champion." - Muhammad Ali

“Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.” ― MJ
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby ThePhoenix » Sat Nov 03, 2018 4:46 pm

Peach,

I'm going to leave alone the fact that those hot party girls go grocery shopping, and take trains, and go shopping for clothes, and usually with much less cockblock around.  I'm also going to leave alone the fact that most guys don't get shitfaced in social situations just for the sake of the headache in the morning, and that the reason is usually, indirectly if not directly, girls, and that in fact, any time you mention the party life, the phrase "hot girls" is not far behind.  (Be brutally honest with yourself!)  Because all that's already been bashed over your head enough to flatten it.

I'm instead going to point out that you and I are actually in a somewhat similar boat.  Because we both have a problem that (i) has an easy solution that for whatever personal reasons we're totally unwilling to embrace, and (ii) has a trickier solution that appeals to us more but that requires some work and sacrifice.  In your case (i) is day game and (ii) is bartend or do whatever you have to to break into the party life.  In mine, (i) is to open myself to hitting on all the women in my city instead of the 9% of them that are black, and (ii) is go live in Africa a while.

But that's where the similarity stops.  Apart from journals and the odd passing remark, I have posted one, single, solitary thread on the subject.  I want you to go read it and tell me if you can recognize the difference in tone and intent between it and the numerous threads you've posted about your difficult choice.

That's the only one and I won't be making another thread presenting the same dilemma.  Maybe someone will happen to suggest some brilliant way I could have my cake and eat it too, but realistically I don't expect that and most likely the next thread you'll see in the saga will be asking about differences between the disposition of girls in Nairobi, Kenya and Kampala, Uganda, since I've heard the latter are easier.  (Although I guess that's probably better asked on RooshV.)

As a side note, I think bartending isn't the best way to go about even the overall route you want.  You'd be better off to get into something that would tie into a party lifestyle and make good money, which I think bartenders don't.  Ideal example: Hugh Hefner.  Of course, very few will ever do what he did.  But plenty of other ideas follow the same vein.  You could work towards owning a bar or club, possibly as a partnership with a few other guys to reduce the cost of entry per person.  (Your existing career could help get financing.)  Or you could try to get successful in model photography (I think Oh Pry has started to get some results with a similar idea).  If you use your imagination there are I'm sure many business and/or career paths that could give you better access to both money and women.  So stop whining and be creative and proactive!

Phoenix
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Seppuku » Mon Nov 05, 2018 2:52 am

PF,

So at what point do you react and take back your life in your own hands? What else do you need to finally decide to kick your ass and move forward?

  • You were not the coolest guy in campus. Alright, now get over it. There's more to life than being the coolest guy in campus.
  • There is no future in bartending, other than more bartending. You think it will give you a cool life... Live this life for one year or five years, and then what next?
  • Get back to the corporate life and stick to it. You fought your way to get there. You're not going to fuck up all the hours you spent so far to get there, just to pursue an utopia. Your corporate life will give you a chance to earn a serious salary that will help you achieve things in life - including getting girls. Go back there and establish yourself as a confirmed working professional.
  • Given the number of responses you got on your various posts, you have generated a lot of sympathy here. Did you even read all the responses? Don't waste all this sympathy, and change your attitude before you get kicked out from here too.
  • Move your ass. Do something. Don't let your life pass by. Be the driver.

To your other post about career success and playboy lifestyle. I know one who is doing just that. It feels great. Any time he wants he books a plane, fly across the world and bang local girls. It's freedom. But to get there, he had to put his shit together in his life. You absolutely need to to do the same now. Put your shit together, now, one thing at a time. By order of decreasing priority:

1. Move forward from your past.
2. Get back on track with the corporate life.
3. THEN get yourself some social life.
4. THEN see about getting girls.

Seppuku
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Toby » Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:45 am

I started job hunting a few months into my job because I knew things were not going to pan out right. For some reason, everyone seemed miserable there and I know I made the wrong choice. I've already had more than enough interviews so I know that I will be back on my feet soon there. Even if I do get back on my feet though, I know that the root of the issue has to be fixed.

Bartending and working in nightlife have a strong hold on me. I never got to do it in college and it drove me crazy. Either I am going to be someone in their late 20s barbacking to work his way up to be a bartender or someone doing it at 40, one way or another, I have to get that out of the way or at least get to doing it.

Got a lot ahead and it seems like this week is off to a real slow start not just for me but for the whole city.
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Seppuku » Wed Nov 07, 2018 3:26 am

Just more and more and more of the same.

If you keep doing the same, and thinking the same, you will keep getting the same results. You've got to change something.

Wishing you good luck.

Seppuku
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Re: My victim mentality and mindset led to me being fired.

Postby Toby » Wed Nov 07, 2018 9:43 pm

I don't get where your objection is really coming from or what in my post seems to rub you the wrong way.
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