TheTool "T Vaunswa" requested that I post up this report. Evidently this is supposed to showcase texting, patience, and not giving a fuck done right, but you can be the judge.
If you'd like to skip to the meat of this LR, go down to the section called "Second Meeting."
Background
"One and Done," as we shall call her, used to be my FWB of five months from two summers ago, and was also the first time I successfully implemented the ideas from this website. Our first "date" was me coming over to her dorm room to watch a movie, and we were fucking after about thirty minutes into the movie. She's a petite, skinny girl who I'd best describe as being very confident, smart, pretty dominant in relationships, and bubbly/energetic, with plenty of mental toughness. She also has a hidden "wild side" and is adventurous behind closed doors.
Last summer, this girl wanted only a FWB, and though I was on the same page, at that time I'd also become the needy one in our relationship and was falling into the passion trap. One and Done is very fickle and flaky, and that irritated me off to no end. In chasing her and trying to build rules around our "relationship," I ruined the whole thing and she cut me off cold. This girl stopped responding to all my communication after five months of us being FWBs, and I was left high and dry, and honestly pretty fucked up. It also cleared the way for me to start an exclusive relationship with another girl I was seeing.
On the other hand, she was quite a memorable one, and when times were good we got along great, and I really enjoyed the sex with her. It stood out and we had chemistry. Along with the way she broke things off, she's definitely stuck out in my mind out of the women I've been with.
First Meeting, Wednesday January 8
So, earlier this year I decided to take a risk. It was New Years and I was going to try to reconnect with all the women I'd met during my time in my relationship.
Her vibe was very flirty, bubbly, and very much akin to talking about a whole lot of things, especially work. She seemed really stressed out about work and had a LOT of things going on, and doesn't want to be distracted. I ran the date reasonably well...she leaned into the table 75% of the time, keeping conversations going, kicking me and punching me a few times. I touched her legs around the knees and she didn't mind it at all. By the end of the night our vibe was much less: there wasn't much else to catch up on. Definitely missed any sort of escalation window in this time.
She asked about my personal life over the last year and a half (through which I've mostly been in a relationship) and I asked about hers (she's not a commitment type, but has had a few FWBs that all lasted a few months). She was very curious about my time with my ex-gf; I only hinted at a few things about her, mainly that she was like XX and it was a good experience in XX ways. A couple of times this girl also remarked on our own time in bed together, comments like "yeah...you were probably really dominant in bed with your ex," and "remember that time you were on top of me and you said/did..."
She didn't want to go home with me to her place. I proposed three times at different instances (using a yes ladder to deduce she was having a good time with me) that we go back and watch tv for bit or just hang out, and that I'm going out of town in the morning and can't stay. I also persisted with my requests, ramping up the second half hour later to "but if you're so stressed out right now, I can help you relax for a bit..." and the third fifteen minutes later to "remember what we had last summer? do you want to have that again? What say you we do that?"
Her rough responses:
- She has a lot going on and doesn't have the time to have fun or relax right now, at least until something in work next week is over.
- In response to watching a show, she said "how about you watch some of the show and then we can watch it maybe next time?"
- She said "maybe next time, but not this time..."
- She lives with her brother as a roommate and seems hesitant to bring a guy back to her place.
At the very end, the overall energy between us felt low. We both walked to the subway, and on the way I asked her about what we had and if she'd like to do it again (yes, I asked again, not smooth). When clarifying, she said that she liked what we had and always thought of us as friends (even though we were also fucking on the side). She also apologized for cutting me off coldly at the end of that FWB, as she felt it was getting kind of serious then and she doesn't like commitment. At the very end, when we hugged goodbye, I attempted to kiss her, and she dodged it twice and then said "chill out man..." as she walked away, and I left immediately after. I texted her two hours later "not my smoothest moment, good luck through next week," and she replied with "thanks, was great to see you! =D."
I had blown the whole thing at the end, but this girl had also been sending lots of mixed signals. After getting some advice from a few people, including Chase, I decided to play it cool and let this sit for a while. Chase and Tool said that logistics and neediness made this a big mess, and the best thing to do is to let her chase if she wants it, put it on ice for a while and then maybe follow up by having her join me on a fun outing. My other mentor suggested I be very upfront and direct with my intentions. I combined both thoughts. The planned time was one month before contact. It ended up being three weeks.
Second Meeting, Tuesday Feb 11
I let this sit until January 29. This text exchange was the critical moment (bolded what's important):
And like that, it was set. It took a week and a half but I got it, and now it would be left to conveying intentions openly and upfront.
When she got there we were both late, but the atmosphere between us was very tense and quiet. I think there was some nervousness on both sides. We sat and had dinner, quietly and awkwardly at first, and then I opened up thoroughly and honestly about every single thing going on in my life, including that I was currently seeing two women casually and that I'm not looking for anything serious right now. I told her that I don't know why I keep coming back to her and chasing her, especially since I feel that she treats me like shit sometimes, but that I legitimately did like to hang out with her and spend time, that we have a really good vibe together most of the time. Then I told her that I really missed her body, especially her tits. On that last bit, she was stunned and subtly excited at the same time. She told me that she likes to hang out with me to, and that I'm a very easy person to talk to and hang out with. I said the sex was really good, and she reaffirmed it - it was good. <This wasn't smooth because I brought it up, not her, but whatever>. She hasn't met that many guys who are as easy to get along with as I am, but is also concerned about repeating the same mistakes as in the last round.
I asked about her history in the last year, and she'd been in a few flings of her own, but was rethinking her relationship to men. Up to this point she was looking for something casual and uncommitted with everyone, but recently she's thought about changing that and considering what a real relationship would be like. I shared some of my time in the past year and a half long relationship, and how I'm not in the best place right now for that, but would consider it with her if we can make things work this time. She was paranoid about doing this again, because of how badly it ended last time--her cutting me off--and she told me that the guilt of that had been eating her up for a while, because she believes in karma and that was bad karma to just blow me off. She was also nervous about how our communication was at the end of things, where it seemed like I wanted a relationship based on my neediness with her, and that we weren't upfront about what was going on in our lives (I was seeing other women also). It made her paranoid. I worked through her responses honestly and told her I'd like to see her in a physical way, not just as platonic friends.
We moved venues to a cafe where she got some wine. At this time I manhandle kissed her, but this girl doesn't like PDA. No big deal, I instead just put my arm around her waist near her ass as she shared more stories. She was trying to jump into what this is--an open relationship? Only friends? Just people dating? I told her that there's a lot that we talked about just now, and that instead of jumping to something she should go home and think about it. I asked about what she's doing on the weekend; she said she's pretty free but may want to go to some party. I told her I'm free Friday evening and Saturday; if she'd like to visit she can, but the ball is now in her court to decide what she wants. I am okay with either. She reaffirmed this with me, and I told her she should let me know what she wants to do before the end of the week.
Leaving the place we had hands interlocked walking to the subway. It was a good vibe. When we parted ways we kissed. The kiss was us holding our heads and noses together, looking into each others' eyes, and then staring deeply before kissing and going our separate ways. Now it was a waiting game.
Third Meeting, Saturday Feb 15 @ Home & Sex
Last meeting I'd left the ball in her court. So I just waited for her to give a reply. I was really looking forward to it and it didn't come until very late: 12:30am on Saturday morning. Perhaps this was a test of some kind on her part. It definitely irked me that she took her time with this (and I was honestly going crazy in anticipation), but again, it seems you really need to play it cool and do nothing brash. This was certainly a good lesson.
She texted me at 5:35pm saying she's a stop away.
I picked her up from the train at around 5:40pm, and she stayed the night and left with me the next morning. When she got to my place I had her take off her shoes, made some tea. During the time she was already touching me and such; I gave her a tour of the place which ended up in my room and her on the bed. We first hooked up after I gave her a massage (no sex, only BJ/oral), then had dinner and watched a stupid horror movie, then basically fucked for an hour before passing out.
The sex was incredible, possibly the best I've ever had, and better than I remember it being. She was smiling during and after it, but speechless, and spooned to sleep. Had another long round in the morning before I made scrambled eggs for breakfast, and then I drove into the city with her for an appointment. She described it as being "very intense" and "I have scary stamina."
We left it off at staying friends that have fun on the side. She seems to make it clear that there are times she won't be down to fuck, but would like to hang out and spend time. I've also asked her to let me know what she feels like doing so it's very clear and upfront, whether it's just hanging out or fucking. It seems open ended and I feel like the ball's back in my court. I didn't send her a thank you text or anything, though I did say it verbally a couple of times before we parted ways.
Questions:
1. How do I manage her? I definitely want to see her again, and this could be a fun relationship. I feel much better grounded to handle her type. We have really great sexual chemistry, in my opinion.
2. When is it appropriate to contact and hang out? I don't want to make the same mistake I did last time, which is over texting. We live far, so everything depends on her willingness to come out to see me.
If you'd like to skip to the meat of this LR, go down to the section called "Second Meeting."
Background
"One and Done," as we shall call her, used to be my FWB of five months from two summers ago, and was also the first time I successfully implemented the ideas from this website. Our first "date" was me coming over to her dorm room to watch a movie, and we were fucking after about thirty minutes into the movie. She's a petite, skinny girl who I'd best describe as being very confident, smart, pretty dominant in relationships, and bubbly/energetic, with plenty of mental toughness. She also has a hidden "wild side" and is adventurous behind closed doors.
Last summer, this girl wanted only a FWB, and though I was on the same page, at that time I'd also become the needy one in our relationship and was falling into the passion trap. One and Done is very fickle and flaky, and that irritated me off to no end. In chasing her and trying to build rules around our "relationship," I ruined the whole thing and she cut me off cold. This girl stopped responding to all my communication after five months of us being FWBs, and I was left high and dry, and honestly pretty fucked up. It also cleared the way for me to start an exclusive relationship with another girl I was seeing.
On the other hand, she was quite a memorable one, and when times were good we got along great, and I really enjoyed the sex with her. It stood out and we had chemistry. Along with the way she broke things off, she's definitely stuck out in my mind out of the women I've been with.
First Meeting, Wednesday January 8
So, earlier this year I decided to take a risk. It was New Years and I was going to try to reconnect with all the women I'd met during my time in my relationship.
Her vibe was very flirty, bubbly, and very much akin to talking about a whole lot of things, especially work. She seemed really stressed out about work and had a LOT of things going on, and doesn't want to be distracted. I ran the date reasonably well...she leaned into the table 75% of the time, keeping conversations going, kicking me and punching me a few times. I touched her legs around the knees and she didn't mind it at all. By the end of the night our vibe was much less: there wasn't much else to catch up on. Definitely missed any sort of escalation window in this time.
She asked about my personal life over the last year and a half (through which I've mostly been in a relationship) and I asked about hers (she's not a commitment type, but has had a few FWBs that all lasted a few months). She was very curious about my time with my ex-gf; I only hinted at a few things about her, mainly that she was like XX and it was a good experience in XX ways. A couple of times this girl also remarked on our own time in bed together, comments like "yeah...you were probably really dominant in bed with your ex," and "remember that time you were on top of me and you said/did..."
She didn't want to go home with me to her place. I proposed three times at different instances (using a yes ladder to deduce she was having a good time with me) that we go back and watch tv for bit or just hang out, and that I'm going out of town in the morning and can't stay. I also persisted with my requests, ramping up the second half hour later to "but if you're so stressed out right now, I can help you relax for a bit..." and the third fifteen minutes later to "remember what we had last summer? do you want to have that again? What say you we do that?"
Her rough responses:
- She has a lot going on and doesn't have the time to have fun or relax right now, at least until something in work next week is over.
- In response to watching a show, she said "how about you watch some of the show and then we can watch it maybe next time?"
- She said "maybe next time, but not this time..."
- She lives with her brother as a roommate and seems hesitant to bring a guy back to her place.
At the very end, the overall energy between us felt low. We both walked to the subway, and on the way I asked her about what we had and if she'd like to do it again (yes, I asked again, not smooth). When clarifying, she said that she liked what we had and always thought of us as friends (even though we were also fucking on the side). She also apologized for cutting me off coldly at the end of that FWB, as she felt it was getting kind of serious then and she doesn't like commitment. At the very end, when we hugged goodbye, I attempted to kiss her, and she dodged it twice and then said "chill out man..." as she walked away, and I left immediately after. I texted her two hours later "not my smoothest moment, good luck through next week," and she replied with "thanks, was great to see you! =D."
I had blown the whole thing at the end, but this girl had also been sending lots of mixed signals. After getting some advice from a few people, including Chase, I decided to play it cool and let this sit for a while. Chase and Tool said that logistics and neediness made this a big mess, and the best thing to do is to let her chase if she wants it, put it on ice for a while and then maybe follow up by having her join me on a fun outing. My other mentor suggested I be very upfront and direct with my intentions. I combined both thoughts. The planned time was one month before contact. It ended up being three weeks.
Second Meeting, Tuesday Feb 11
I let this sit until January 29. This text exchange was the critical moment (bolded what's important):
And like that, it was set. It took a week and a half but I got it, and now it would be left to conveying intentions openly and upfront.
When she got there we were both late, but the atmosphere between us was very tense and quiet. I think there was some nervousness on both sides. We sat and had dinner, quietly and awkwardly at first, and then I opened up thoroughly and honestly about every single thing going on in my life, including that I was currently seeing two women casually and that I'm not looking for anything serious right now. I told her that I don't know why I keep coming back to her and chasing her, especially since I feel that she treats me like shit sometimes, but that I legitimately did like to hang out with her and spend time, that we have a really good vibe together most of the time. Then I told her that I really missed her body, especially her tits. On that last bit, she was stunned and subtly excited at the same time. She told me that she likes to hang out with me to, and that I'm a very easy person to talk to and hang out with. I said the sex was really good, and she reaffirmed it - it was good. <This wasn't smooth because I brought it up, not her, but whatever>. She hasn't met that many guys who are as easy to get along with as I am, but is also concerned about repeating the same mistakes as in the last round.
I asked about her history in the last year, and she'd been in a few flings of her own, but was rethinking her relationship to men. Up to this point she was looking for something casual and uncommitted with everyone, but recently she's thought about changing that and considering what a real relationship would be like. I shared some of my time in the past year and a half long relationship, and how I'm not in the best place right now for that, but would consider it with her if we can make things work this time. She was paranoid about doing this again, because of how badly it ended last time--her cutting me off--and she told me that the guilt of that had been eating her up for a while, because she believes in karma and that was bad karma to just blow me off. She was also nervous about how our communication was at the end of things, where it seemed like I wanted a relationship based on my neediness with her, and that we weren't upfront about what was going on in our lives (I was seeing other women also). It made her paranoid. I worked through her responses honestly and told her I'd like to see her in a physical way, not just as platonic friends.
We moved venues to a cafe where she got some wine. At this time I manhandle kissed her, but this girl doesn't like PDA. No big deal, I instead just put my arm around her waist near her ass as she shared more stories. She was trying to jump into what this is--an open relationship? Only friends? Just people dating? I told her that there's a lot that we talked about just now, and that instead of jumping to something she should go home and think about it. I asked about what she's doing on the weekend; she said she's pretty free but may want to go to some party. I told her I'm free Friday evening and Saturday; if she'd like to visit she can, but the ball is now in her court to decide what she wants. I am okay with either. She reaffirmed this with me, and I told her she should let me know what she wants to do before the end of the week.
Leaving the place we had hands interlocked walking to the subway. It was a good vibe. When we parted ways we kissed. The kiss was us holding our heads and noses together, looking into each others' eyes, and then staring deeply before kissing and going our separate ways. Now it was a waiting game.
Third Meeting, Saturday Feb 15 @ Home & Sex
Last meeting I'd left the ball in her court. So I just waited for her to give a reply. I was really looking forward to it and it didn't come until very late: 12:30am on Saturday morning. Perhaps this was a test of some kind on her part. It definitely irked me that she took her time with this (and I was honestly going crazy in anticipation), but again, it seems you really need to play it cool and do nothing brash. This was certainly a good lesson.
She texted me at 5:35pm saying she's a stop away.
I picked her up from the train at around 5:40pm, and she stayed the night and left with me the next morning. When she got to my place I had her take off her shoes, made some tea. During the time she was already touching me and such; I gave her a tour of the place which ended up in my room and her on the bed. We first hooked up after I gave her a massage (no sex, only BJ/oral), then had dinner and watched a stupid horror movie, then basically fucked for an hour before passing out.
The sex was incredible, possibly the best I've ever had, and better than I remember it being. She was smiling during and after it, but speechless, and spooned to sleep. Had another long round in the morning before I made scrambled eggs for breakfast, and then I drove into the city with her for an appointment. She described it as being "very intense" and "I have scary stamina."
We left it off at staying friends that have fun on the side. She seems to make it clear that there are times she won't be down to fuck, but would like to hang out and spend time. I've also asked her to let me know what she feels like doing so it's very clear and upfront, whether it's just hanging out or fucking. It seems open ended and I feel like the ball's back in my court. I didn't send her a thank you text or anything, though I did say it verbally a couple of times before we parted ways.
Questions:
1. How do I manage her? I definitely want to see her again, and this could be a fun relationship. I feel much better grounded to handle her type. We have really great sexual chemistry, in my opinion.
2. When is it appropriate to contact and hang out? I don't want to make the same mistake I did last time, which is over texting. We live far, so everything depends on her willingness to come out to see me.
