Resolving a big mistake?

silenceinthesnow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 18, 2018
Messages
57
Hey guys,

I made a huge mistake within my relationship over stepping the boundaries while in the bedroom by misreading the signs. After a while she came around and we were alright and ended up having make up sex. This is where I made a huge mistake by over stepping the boundaries again and I really upset her. (A misplaced thumb if you're wondering...) At the time I knew I made a huge mistake and possibly cost myself again by apologising for what I had done. In the apology however I used careful consideration and owned the mistake (I did however say I'm sorry) She seemed to come around straight away this time and told me it was okay but then proceeded with being distant with me the following couple of days.

Last night she gave me a call and we seemed normal, out of nowhere she told me that she's still mad at me and asked me why I done it. During this time I had already re read a couple articles on GC regarding apologising (Should you apologize to women) and didn't apologise again. I used careful consideration, owned it and tried working on a resolution to it.
(To explain a little more I didn't jump straight into it, I tip toed into it testing the waters and had no resistance which made me feel it was acceptable at the time)

"I made a mistake, I crossed the line, I was out of order. I understand how you feel. I didn't think, I got carried away and I should never have done (X) to you. It won't happen again"

She said that I've broke her trust and that she feels violated. Today she hasn't messaged me back, and I'm opting to give her space and time and to come to me when she feels ready. Is there any tips or advice with resolving a mistake like this other than don't chase and to give them time?

Many thanks,

SilenceintheSnow
 

Eliasmusic

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 5, 2016
Messages
24
Location
Australia
Yo dog, I'm probably well late on this, but I'm digging up old unanswered posts and answering them haha. Ok, honestly how close are you with this girl... Is it the type of relationship where you both love the shit out of each other and can't stop spending time, or the type where you wanted to fuck her and she played the "you can fuck me if you date me" card to reel you in?

You'd better take a slightly different approach to both. In the second scenario, the relationship is basically a power game, and you mostly need to be dominant (can let up the guard occasionally- especially if you ever want to have a serious relationship with her, you will have to.) In this scenario I would recommend after already having apologised (as long as you did it properly and sincerely,) give her nothing more, you've said what you need to say... if she's not happy, then she better get happy, or get dumped... sox to be harsh but.

In the 1st scenario, if it's a serious and emotionally intimate relationship, then I would take the same approach but slightly less severe. The relationship is still a power game... no matter how much you two love each other, your woman will not tolerate a pussy in her life (she will, but not for ever.) You can be super close with each other, and she will still try and dominate you... it's woman's gift to man... a constant life coach pushing yo ass to harden the fuck up. Say sorry sincerely, and then tell her that's all you've got left... if she's not happy, then you can't help anymore haha.

Keep in mind that she wants a certain emotional response from you, and that is to be loved by a real fucking man... Any fear about her getting angry at you is gonna make her even more angry. Here's a theory: She wants you to lead her and take care of her and make sure everything's fine, (just like a father figure) and if you're shit scared of her, then you ain't doin that.
Elias
 

silenceinthesnow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 18, 2018
Messages
57
Hey Elias, thanks for the response man I appreciate it. Coincidentally I ended up playing it how you suggested and we ended up splitting up about a week ago now, she beat me to the punch but that just made it a mutual break up. Ironically possibly the least dignified break up I've ever been involved with. Purposely dancing right next to me days later in a club with her new interest, very mature... She's obviously over me.... (I met new girls days after myself so I'm not exactly innocent, I just hold myself above rubbing it in her face. I just think it's respectful and shows courtesy to their feelings)

Our relationship was a bit of both, I was sleeping with her for a while and she made it very apparent she wanted a relationship with me and kept chasing it. She gave me a choice of becoming official if I wanted to continue which I managed to handle and a few weeks later we did become official. At that point I was spending my free time with her and we were very loving to each other.

She blew hot and cold for a while and I had no idea where I stood, if I gave her space she'd complain that I was ignoring her and didn't talk and if I messaged her back she'd give terrible responses like she didn't want to talk. She was obviously still very hurt by my actions that I had already apologised for and I wasn't saying it again, we were just going over old ground. So I tried to resolve the communication issues by asking her what was wrong trying to deal with the problem which created more problems.

I don't think I handled the fall out after the mistake great, I tried to lead and take care of her but she had a lot of resistance at that point. When she came back around and things were going well I tried to arrange a date and she was very elusive. I was very confused as to why she would come back, talk to me, tell me her availability to then say I'll have to see when I suggested going out.

That's another post altogether which I'm interested in hearing everyone's thoughts on.

For now onto the next one, or four

SilenceintheSnow
 

Eliasmusic

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 5, 2016
Messages
24
Location
Australia
Yea man, sounds like the first type of relationship I described in which (in my experience) if you two don't really bond that much (like you can't say things to her that you would easily be comfortable saying to your male friends) then you need to be fucking alpha to keep it up. When they try and snag you into a relationship after you've been having sex for a while is usually a good time to step back and see whether it's really worth it. Or even better to avoid this, just be super clear from the start that you are too wild and free to ever get tied down... Obviously it makes it a lot easier to act like this if you actually have 3 other girls rdy you bounce on your knob haha.) Generally if she is pushing and you're not sure, it may be better to cut things off or be super clear that she can keep using your dick but your heart is not up for grabs.

Onward to victory ;)
 

silenceinthesnow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 18, 2018
Messages
57
Hey Elias,

Yeah she really did a number on me when she wanted to go official. I’m always really busy and don’t have much free time and I explained that to her and she’d have to accept that. She said she understood and that it wasn’t a problem for her, after some time I figured I was spending all my free time with her anyway and not going out with the other girls that we might as well have been official. I should have stepped back further there were enough red flags that I ignored, I was obviously really interested in her but I also knew it was never going to be a LTR because of all the red flags.

After the social media status of it I slowly lost contact with the other girls and that’s something I’m still recovering from now just over a week later. They’re slowly starting to contact me again so that’s starting to work in my favour. She made sure to purposely rub a rebound in my face which I think is totally unacceptable, not much I can do about it though. To be fair she hasn't 'upgraded' at all, his fundamentals were weak, he looked sloppy, his posture was all over, he wasn't leading the interaction and considering the amount of time I managed to stick about with that sh*t he didn't even attempt to kiss her. So if she'd have told him my ex is over there he's either incredibly considerate or took one look at me and thought better of it. (Honestly I don't think I look that intimidating).

I’ve been out with other girls since the break up but I cared enough about her to consider her feelings without rubbing it in her face. There’s being seen with someone, and there’s purposely doing it for attention and a reaction which in my opinion quickly diminishes attraction. If you’re going for the jealousy angle I feel this goes too far and provokes too much of a response. Maybe I’m alone with this point of view?

I’ve written about this more in ‘Any advice for a “send off” after your relationship has ended?’ where Seppuku gave me a great response and made me realise she wasn’t worth the effort of a nice send off because I don’t have any desire to get her back. I gave a detailed response to that in the thread which covered a lot of the details, if you have chance give it a read it'll give you a better view of it.

Definitely onward to victory!

SilenceintheSnow
 
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