She needs to love herself?

Tony B

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Feb 3, 2017
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Can someone please explain what kind of breakup this is to me? I've been trying to figure out how to approach it and plan out my next steps, even if that means moving on.

I had a girlfriend of 3 months who I was very close with and even guided perfectly through an abortion of our potential child.
Naturally I became the person she depended on emotionally. We got separated for the summer and she decided to tell her parents about me. They were not happy as they intended to choose the person for her to marry (They're old school). She had this whole emotional breakdown, fought with her parents to no avail, and claimed we needed to breakup, but didn't want to end things just yet, so we continued talking. Fast forward a few weeks, and she began saying things like she needed to distance herself emotionally but needed me in her life, even if it wasn't a relationship. Fast forward a few weeks, and she's very hot and cold. One day she tells me she loves me (for the first time) and describes the sexual things she wants to do and the very next day, she's distancing herself because we can't be together. She's not cold, she still asks about me and my family but her texts seem very neutral and she replies to texts quickly. However she was no longer jealous about hearing about other girls hitting on me, and no longer complied to my suggestions at sexting, but also didn't straight up reject them. She often talked family and friend problems but chose not to share the details with me because she wanted to handle them alone and wanted space to do so. She also talked about how she needed to love herself more and become more independent. Lastly, her mindset on breakups went from "what happens if you miss out the one", to "it'll be hard but be better in time"
Finally, I inquired about her stance on our relationship and her feelings toward me. She said "I'm not sure how I feel, I'm all over the place", and that she knows in her heart she needs to be alone wanted to just be friends for now. She told me that she wanted to be single for her and selfish for her and not to see anyone else because she's always jumping from relationship to relationship and that she never allows herself time for growth; she's an honest girl and I trust her 100% but I've never really bought that sort of thing. She asked if I thought it was okay and I said "Lol yeah Im not going to stop you, thank you for telling me now so I can find someone for me." She texted me that I could come to her for anything and that she would always have me in her heart and that we had a really good run. I didn't respond those texts for a week, because I didn't want to tell her I that I felt the same. Later, I told her I agreed that we need space from each other in a very neutral tone and told her I thought her reasons were genuine so I'd be here if she needed anything.

To me, it seems she has taken her parents stance into consideration as she does not want to lose them and been forcing herself to get distance from me, but kept me around as a friend to make the her transition for her easier. I think, this combined with the summer and distance have pushed her in the direction of becoming Now she brings up the self-love thing to finally cut the cord but wants to remain friends. However, I could be wrong.

My question here is what kind of breakup am I dealing with?
I don't understand why you would need to learn to love yourself alone unless you were planning to check out of the relationship already- it's been downhill since she talked to her parents about me. I assume she wants to be able to handle herself should the day come where she would have to lose a lover instead of losing her family. I'm guessing that's all this is.

She posted on her social media that she finally loves herself, and it came across my timeline, but seeing as she wasn't reaching out to me personally, I left it alone. She's been posting a lot of workout videos and promoting self-love and worthiness in her captions.

She's been stalking my social media, but I don't want to assume the reason. I've cut all contact for 4 weeks now. I still think she should be the one who reaches out to me first. There is no doubt in my mind that we will just be back together as soon as I move back to school in 2 months thanks to the attraction still being there even if not romantic and just physical. Just writing this helped me find a lot of clarity on this.
 
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