Sealed the deal but...

ouroboros

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Apr 22, 2018
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Hi guys. I'm asking for your help. Any comments are appreciated. I admit that I'm a novice at this so please give me a break. I need all the help I can get.

I'm 30 years old and have just gotten out of a 9 year relationship and have one kid from the relationship. I found out the girl was cheating and she had moved out. About a month later, I started back into the dating came, working on this single girl. However, she was moving at a turtle's pace, nothing past kissing a month into things, but I still enjoyed dating her even though we made it clear we were not exclusive. Then another girl came along who has a live-in boyfriend on 3 years. They have a house together. This girl seemed like she wanted to take things faster. After about 3 weeks, we had sex. She told me that her boyfriend was amazing but was not giving her any physical attention whatsoever. I am the 3rd guy she had sex with while still with her boyfriend. Apparently the boyfriend knew about each scenario and is a saint and really doesn't care. Sounds perfect right? Everything was great while talking to these two girls until the latter one with the boyfriend became very clingy, always checking my phone and wanting to know who the other person it was that I was talking to. Even though this may be a red flag for most guys, I kind of enjoyed the attention and making her jealous. Just to be clear, I'm really not the player type and, even though I've recently gotten out of a long relationship, I don't want to waste time on someone who I don't have a future with (I'm a rare breed, I know). One day she had got a hold of my phone while it was still unlocked (my mistake) and found out I had a date that night with the other girl. She basically freaked out and told me that she wanted to be with me and wanted things to be "real" between us and that I fucked it up and she will no longer be seeing me. So I had to make the hard choice to stop dating the single girl (who was moving at a turtle's pace) and started only seeing this girl. I noticed she was now less clingy and now we are past the "infatuation" stage where she still very much cares for me and we are comfortable with things the way they are.

Everything was going good and the girl even "broke up" with her live-in boyfriend, stating that it is not fair to either of them because she will cheat again in the future because of the lack of physical attention she receives (the boyfriend does not know about me though!) The problem is that they still have a house together. They plan on selling it in a few months but until then, she lives there. She has plans of findings her own apartment once they sell the house. I know this may sound like a perfect scenario (she comes over, we have sex, she leaves, no maintenance). But like I said before, I want to know there is a future. The girl was staying over at my place quite frequently when her boyfriend was out of town but now that he is back in town, she doesn't like to stay the night as much because she still has to explain it to her ex (she says she doesn't want to cause an argument while they are still living together). I don't like feeling that I have to compete with him. I know this sounds like she is playing both sides but she made it clear that she only loves him like a brother and has no attraction to him anymore and, even if the boyfriend would try to make a move, she'd decline because of the lack-of-attraction. They just live together like room mates. In fact, she spends most of her time at work and with me, only seeing him at night when she returns home. When talking about us, she does give hypothetical examples of "when we are together in the future" and the houses we would buy together. I can tell that she genuinely cares about me more than just FWB (we often go out to do things that does not involve sex). But I don't want to be taken for granted.

I guess what advice I need is: Does this look like it can ever go anywhere? Should I stick it out and see what happens with this girl and have fun in the meantime? I know a quick fix is to see other woman and take my mind off of this one but, like I said, she spends most of her time with me and that would draw suspicion and most likely end things with her. I know this may sound like an excellent scenario for me but, like I said, I don't want to waste my time with anyone who I can't see any type of future with. I'm happy to add more if any one has any questions as I am sure I left something out. Thanks all!
 
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