Personal Fulfillment, Girls Long for Longterm, You Don't Believe In It

AK_Eyes

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Jul 22, 2017
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I've recently realized something since being back in "the game". Meaningless sex is fairly unfulfilling. I've also realized that the women I have come to seek (i.e. not the slutty/one night stand types), want to believe that you are in it for the long term. The issue I'm facing is, I don't believe in the whole monogamous one person for the rest of your life thing. I also don't want to lie, in fact, I'm terrible at it. At the same time, I have an emotional void that can only be fulfilled by connecting with someone on a deeper level than just having sex. It's a pretty odd position to be in. Needing an emotional connection with someone, yet not believing in monogamy and not being able to "fake" my way into letting girls think I want to be with them for the rest of my life.

Has anyone else on here ran into a similar predicament? How do you deal with it? How do you sustain an emotional connection with one person, without lying, and without telling them you want to be with them and only them for the rest of your life (sexually and/or emotionally), while at the same time wanting to sleep with other women because you don't think monogamy for the rest of your life is realistic?

Any help sorting through this apparent oxymoron would be really appreciated!

Thanks!
 

BetaBoy

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 21, 2017
Messages
85
How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking. When I was younger, I wasn’t into the idea of marriage.
 

AK_Eyes

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Jul 22, 2017
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BetaBoy said:
How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking. When I was younger, I wasn’t into the idea of marriage.

I'm 29 but was married for 6 years, together with the same person for 8 years monogamously. I'm probably a little jaded on marriage because I haven't seen many marriages work out in the long-term, especially not happily. Most marriages end because of either emotional or sexual affairs, or at least the after affects of say an emotional affair. I tend to think of marriage as more of a legal contract than anything else these days. But, I also think you can have an emotional connection with someone for a long period of time, it may or may not be a strictly monogamous relationship sexually, and it may or may not last for your entire lives (I've been on this earth for 29 years, was married for about a third of them, and lets say I live to be 80 years old, I still have 51 years left). If I were to get married tomorrow, do I realistically think that, that relationship would last almost twice as long as I've even been alive? Not particularly.

So I guess thats my explanation as to why I don't personally believe in longterm things lasting forever and/or monogamy. But the vast majority of the women I've met, especially the ones I'm actually interested in, almost always bring up the "happily ever after" scenario that I just don't particularly belive in. This always leads to a point in the relationship (typically around a month before they "test" this) where they put me in a position where I have to respond to the happily ever after scenario. I can't just blatantly lie and tell them that I think well be together for the rest of our lives. I would feel crappy about myself if I lied about something I generally believed not to be true. So inevitably, the relationship ends and I feel like there is an emotional void that I need to fulfill again. I could go out and sleep with randoms, which is fun for a night, but doesn't give me any real fulfillment. Maybe this is more of a case of having your cake and eating it too. I want the emotional fulfillment with one person, but don't think that monogamy is realistic in the long-term, and can't find it within myself to lie about it.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
Varoon did a podcast with Black Dragon you should check out. Be sure to check his blog out too. His niche is pretty much what you're looking for: open LTR with emotional monogamy and sexual freedom.
 

AK_Eyes

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Jul 22, 2017
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Ajay said:
Varoon did a podcast with Black Dragon you should check out. Be sure to check his blog out too. His niche is pretty much what you're looking for: open LTR with emotional monogamy and sexual freedom.

Wow thank you! This is great, looks like I share a lot of the same opinions as black dragon
 

BetaBoy

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 21, 2017
Messages
85
AK_Eyes said:
BetaBoy said:
How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking. When I was younger, I wasn’t into the idea of marriage.

I'm 29 but was married for 6 years, together with the same person for 8 years monogamously. I'm probably a little jaded on marriage because I haven't seen many marriages work out in the long-term, especially not happily. Most marriages end because of either emotional or sexual affairs, or at least the after affects of say an emotional affair. I tend to think of marriage as more of a legal contract than anything else these days. But, I also think you can have an emotional connection with someone for a long period of time, it may or may not be a strictly monogamous relationship sexually, and it may or may not last for your entire lives (I've been on this earth for 29 years, was married for about a third of them, and lets say I live to be 80 years old, I still have 51 years left). If I were to get married tomorrow, do I realistically think that, that relationship would last almost twice as long as I've even been alive? Not particularly.

So I guess thats my explanation as to why I don't personally believe in longterm things lasting forever and/or monogamy. But the vast majority of the women I've met, especially the ones I'm actually interested in, almost always bring up the "happily ever after" scenario that I just don't particularly belive in. This always leads to a point in the relationship (typically around a month before they "test" this) where they put me in a position where I have to respond to the happily ever after scenario. I can't just blatantly lie and tell them that I think well be together for the rest of our lives. I would feel crappy about myself if I lied about something I generally believed not to be true. So inevitably, the relationship ends and I feel like there is an emotional void that I need to fulfill again. I could go out and sleep with randoms, which is fun for a night, but doesn't give me any real fulfillment. Maybe this is more of a case of having your cake and eating it too. I want the emotional fulfillment with one person, but don't think that monogamy is realistic in the long-term, and can't find it within myself to lie about it.
i completely understand being jaded, after my heart shattered from banging the hottest girl in school I stayed in my room for 3 years not doing much. I wouldn’t commit unless you know for certain that the 2nd time around will e better. I’m 27, the last girl I dated was younger than me. I met her at age 24 while she was 21. Still think about her a lot.
 
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