I have wronged a girl, and I have no clue what to do

Alright, story-time (sorry)

So, I was in math-class in uni, met this nice Chinese girl. One thing to another, got together in a relationship did all the normal relationship stuff (dates, movies etc...). She lost her virginity to me and we had sex twice (remember this point). Note that I have been told I'm naturally charming, and have the ability to BS my way out of almost any situation.

Then I discovered that she loves me ... wait what (I am an idiot I know, but I'm 19 she's 21 I'm more experienced than she is, and I lost my virginity to her as well. But at least I kissed someone before!)?
It's not to say that I don't have feelings for her, I do. But they're certainly not very strong. I don't think she's the greatest thing on Earth and I've got my own ambitions which have nothing to do with women.

The thing is, I feel I can do better, much better, than her. But I don't want to lie, I don't want to let her down because she is still one very nice girl. She's done nothing wrong, and I led her on even though I didn't really have feelings for her (I can act really well, I am usually completely unemotional bordering sociopath).

That's the setup.

Then her period came 1 month in - one recipe for disaster.

She started saying how I was being distant and didn't want to truly commit. Said that I never thought it was going to work out, nor did I even imagine that possibility. And then I panicked.
I started spouting all kinds of BS about how I didn't want the relationship to last for ever, all that (but I did want it to continue longer than this, for her if nothing else. I may not feel love for her, but seeing her like that gutted me.) Well, she left the restaurant. I didn't go after her. I then texted her, saying that I would break up with her.

Ohhhh, she blew up. then I started BSing about how I was a moron (which I was) arrogant (which I am) and all the negative things, and that I didn't mean what I said, and that I didn't know what i wanted.

So far, I have never lied to her once; but since I don't know my own emotions, I can't exactly explain them. But she is gutted, started spouting that how dare the first guy she loved enough to have sex with break up with her in such a stupid and haphazard way (I'm a moron, yes I know), and I panicked.

So now, I am dyeing 3 flowers blue (kinda my thing, I give blue flowers to all the girls I like, makes me seem exclusive, you guys should try it, she really appreciated it). And I'm going to sneak into her flat and give them to her with a hand written letter. (I hope her flatmates won't see it, it might make her feel even worse.)

My writing is S, but I think it will get the job done. the problem is - what should I do?

I don't think I love her, but it's been a month. It might come later, but being as unemotional as I am, I have my doubts (I still think my level of unemotion is really strange)
I do like her as a person, but not so much that I'm going to spend more than a few months with her. That I knew since the beginning, I thought I had explained it to her, but her issue seemed to be that I didn't even entertain the posibiltiy.

So, what should I do? what should I write? I did have a crush on her since the beginning but it kinda disappeared since we had sex (never think with your dick, I know, first time all right?). I don't want her to feel this bad, and I really think I messed her up - badly. I do feel horrible, especially knowing it was all pretty much my fault (her gullibility, but I should have payed attention) so I do want to fix it. As a more selfish motive, she's in my class - right... so I do want to put things proper between us.

I would really love for some advice

Thanks guys for helping

EDIT: Just so you know, at first I was relieved when she started this, then halfway through I realized I didn't want her to go, then I alternated between both. So I decided to go for the middle and stall for time

The correct thing to do is let this girl go. You aren't doing either one of you any favors by stringing her along. You keep zigging and zagging and sending mixed signals, which is messing with this poor girls head. You aren't trying to be cruel at all, I can tell that by your post, but ultimately that is what you are doing by acting like this.

It's clear from your post here that you aren't particularly interested in this girl. I wouldn't frame it that way but I would be honest with her; you like her, but she likes you a lot more, and you don't see this being a serious long term thing.

When you get older and more experienced and calibrated you will learn how to subtly make it clear to a girl that what you have won't be a serious relationship and you will be able to maintain a "this is just casual sex" frame in the face of a girl pressuring you for more of a relationship commitment. But this is your first time to the rodeo so to speak, so you haven't learned those skills yet.

Don't be too hard on yourself, all of us fucked up our first relationship horribly.

lostnumber said:

The correct thing to do is let this girl go. You aren't doing either one of you any favors by stringing her along. You keep zigging and zagging and sending mixed signals, which is messing with this poor girls head. You aren't trying to be cruel at all, I can tell that by your post, but ultimately that is what you are doing by acting like this.

It's clear from your post here that you aren't particularly interested in this girl. I wouldn't frame it that way but I would be honest with her; you like her, but she likes you a lot more, and you don't see this being a serious long term thing.

When you get older and more experienced and calibrated you will learn how to subtly make it clear to a girl that what you have won't be a serious relationship and you will be able to maintain a "this is just casual sex" frame in the face of a girl pressuring you for more of a relationship commitment. But this is your first time to the rodeo so to speak, so you haven't learned those skills yet.

Don't be too hard on yourself, all of us fucked up our first relationship horribly.

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Fair, thanks.

It's probably for the best;

I just feel bad that I didn't realize that she viewed the relation to be wayy more than it actually was. I guess I needed a second opinion, any advice on what to tell her generally?

EDIT: All done, whew, that was a relief. I think it went well, couldn't have done it without your help.