uh oh i messed up what do i do

Warhol

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
22
Hey guys, i need a few suggestions on what to do. I really messed up. I moved in with my college girlfriend into an apartment for our senior year of college. We are still together currently as of today but she has recently asked me for an open relationship, and I found out she started texting another guy which means I am done and rather I want to breakup with her. The problem is if I do this what happens to my housing situation? What should I do?
 

Hue

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,453
Warhol,

What was the status / nature of your relationship prior to this happening? Were you guys still getting along, having sex, doing shit together? Do you want to stay together?

I've seen my friends that made the same choice get cheated on, and/or broken up with for another dude. Both occasions the girl came back to them feeling like an idiot. Impossible for me to say the trajectory of what might happen in your situation, ultimately, but if you could provide some more information on your guys' relationship dynamic I might be able to provide some anecdotes.


The problem is if I do this what happens to my housing situation?
If it does all go to shit it's not like one of you can't sub-lease, given you can find a person to sign off on it.
 

Warhol

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
22
so we have been dating and this is our 4th year and we moved in together into an apartment for our last year of college. Things were fine in terms of getting along and emotionally. Our sex life has been declining since year 3 of our relationship and is pretty nonexistent now. We had been cohabiting without being moved in together for all of college basically( I know extremely stupid of me). So they have been terrible sexually and now she asks for an open relationship. I go through her phone and find out that she tells her friends that she is super bored and that she is noticing other guys now and started flirting with one and messaging. Unfortunately, I also stupidly have not been keeping up my social skills or flirting with girls during the relationship, so I will be completely destroyed by an open relationship where she is the only one able to do stuff. I am fine with ending the relationship, but the housing situation is the only thing keeping me from doing so. Would it be better to say no to her open relationship proposal and stick it out to the end of senior year but possibly risk cheating? or would it be better to break up with her and see how that affects housing? would it be better to just say yes to the proposal? would it be better to somehow ask her what would happen to our housing situation if we broke up?
 

lostnumber

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 31, 2017
Messages
307
No easy answers man. It's awfully hard to break up with someone when you are still going to see them every day. My advice would be get to figure out how you can get out of your current housing situation. It sounds like this relationship has run its course
 

Warhol

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
22
but do you think I should break up ASAP or should I just decline her open relationship proposal and wait it out for the lease at the end of school year?
 

lostnumber

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 31, 2017
Messages
307
If its over then it's over. I'd break it off and let both of you move on with your lives. I don't think limping along in a unhappy sexless relationship will do either of you any favors.

Or if you really do like the girl you could try to recharge the sex game to get her interest again, but it doesn't sound like you're very interested based on the way you describe things
 

Hue

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,453
Okay so she's bored with the relationship, and sex is practically nonexistent now. You could try and ramp up your sex life with some new ideas / kink, but if she's bored with the relationship that's pretty hard to heal without time and radical changes, including your vacancy from her (absence makes the heart grow fonder).

Unfortunately, I also stupidly have not been keeping up my social skills or flirting with girls during the relationship, so I will be completely destroyed by an open relationship where she is the only one able to do stuff.
Yea if it's a one sided open relationship that sounds like an emotional storm.

I recommend you do what you can to try and fix this as fast is possible. It may take some time, but you need these skills for developing satisfying relationships (girlfriend or not).

Would it be better to say no to her open relationship proposal and stick it out to the end of senior year but possibly risk cheating?

should I just decline her open relationship proposal and wait it out for the lease at the end of school year?

Try and think about what you're asking here. Relationships are two sided. You don't have control over whether or not she has deemed the relationship "over with" internally. Whether or not you're "boyfriend and girlfriend" as one might put it, the reality of the relationship dynamic wouldn't reflect the title.

would it be better to just say yes to the proposal? would it be better to somehow ask her what would happen to our housing situation if we broke up?

Okay, some of the things I say here may come across as hurtful, but I say them only to bring light to some possible realities.

Things were fine in terms of getting along and emotionally.
Is there a difference between your two's relationship and a relationship you might have with a platonic roommate, other than the title of boyfriend and girlfriend? If so, what?

Personally, I would speculate that she probably is using the open relationship card as a way to bend out of her reality of "I'm stuck living with a guy that I'm in a subsided relationship with, but he's my boyfriend."

If that's the case, these are the options I see:

Yes

You could say, yes, that sounds like a good idea. Then, you could start working on your social skills and seduction abilities and get good enough to bring home new girls, and still have your original girl to have a relationship with. You only have a year left of school anyways, why not go fishing for some pussy? Probably gonna be a weird storm of good and bad emotions from that, and you're definitely working with some unorthodox relationship dynamics living together.

You could say yes, and then only commit to her while she fucks other dudes. Obviously this would be bad for anyone emotionally.

With either one of those options, you're gonna have to deal with the reality of her fucking other dudes.

OR

No

You could say no, we're staying boyfriend and girlfriend. This is like strangling the relationship though, which sucks the life out of it even more, don't you think? Her proposing an open relationship is her saying "I think we should see other people". If you could build rapid attraction in a second, that might fix that, but that takes time bro, especially if she's known you for 4 years, she probably has a good idea in her head of who she thinks you are.

You could say no, this relationship is over. Find someone to sublease for you, or for her, and have one of you move out.

You could also say no, this relationship is over, and not move out. Then you'd have to live with eachother through all the awkward moments and possible emotional turmoil of seeing one another move into things with different people.


There may be more there, but that's what seems plausible to me.

Bottom Line

Work on your social skills and fundamentals.

Try and think of what she wants too.

Try to put emotions aside for the housing situation, and reach a logical conclusion from both ends.

It's ultimately your decision to make, and what's important to you.


I hope this helps, and wish best of luck to you bruddah.
 

Warhol

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
22
thanks guys a lot of useful stuff!!! I talked to her again today and she told me that even since sophomore year the sex was declining which i was aware of but didnt know why and she was aware as well and didnt know why. She was apparently sexually assaulted before we met. The first year of our relationship we had great sex. Then in sophomore year, it declined slightly but it still continued up till about a month ago with decreasing frequency. She tells me she doesn't know why this is happening and has nothing to do with me that she finds me handsome and attractive but the familiarity has killed any arousal for me. She still gets horny imagining me with other women which is partly why she wants this open relationship. the other part is so she can also hook up with other guys. This whole time, I have been thinking this is something to do with me, my ability to be dominant or create attraction, or be the leader in the relationship, or arouse her, but I think it may not be because during sophomore year, I was definitely the leader in the relationship and was more dominant and attractive and alpha etc. She can get arousal for other people. She started crying that she doesn't know why she isn't aroused and does not want to break up. It seemed like she genuinely has no idea why she is not aroused or she is the greatest psychopath of all time hiding the true reason. What do you guys think is her issue? Is it me? Is it her type 1 diabetes illness? Is it her previous sexual assault? Is it just the timeline of 2 to 3 years even though this may have started before? I have used sources to confirm what she is saying is true and shes not hiding some cruel agenda btw. Its just so unsusual
 
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