Sleeping with Flatmate

Sleeping with Flatmate

Postby fdango » Sat Oct 05, 2019 1:11 pm

Hi all,

So this is a bit of an ongoing situation, very early days still and was hoping I could get some advice for keeping this on the right trajectory.

So I've just moved to a shared accommodations at my first year of university. Next room down from me lived a gorgeous Scandinavian girl. I'm wary of sleeping with flatmates, but 1st night it ended up just happening. And happening. Nonstop for the next 3 days until we were quite literally sore from all the sex. Throughout the first 3 days she hinted she'd be fine with me seeing other girls and asked me if I'd be ok if she took someone else home with her. I said I don't know, and of course later that night we ended up sleeping together again.

On the 4th night we went out just the 2 of us and immediately split off at the club (by my choice). She was with a guy and I met another girl who I took home with me. I'm not sure how far she went with him but she told me she got home, wasted at 1am. For the following 2 days since she's been ill in bed and it feels as if the momentum has been lost.

We were meant to watch a movie together but she said no owing to her flu, while understandable I've felt a shift in dynamic since that one night. More distance. While she is still warm towards me, she's also tried to be more demanding in asking me to go shopping several times on her behalf, and on occasion she has brought up asking random guys numbers in front of me, maybe to judge my reaction (I usually brush it off with a joke).

Against my instinct I've tried to spend as little time with her as possible since day 1, staying busy outside the house to avoid losing the mysterious quality. I've been warm towards her on occasions we see each other, trying not to act different in any obvious way. But I'm starting to think maybe I've been acting a little too distant. I'm not used to bedding very attractive girls, and quite frankly, she is very attractive, and she knows it. She has guys asking her number left and right on every night out. It's inevitable she'll meet others throughout the year.

One benefit of all this, I've felt more motivated than ever to meet other girls. I've flirted a couple times in front of her when she's been non-compliant, but I feel like I'm inevitably sinking more emotional investment meanwhile, a recipe for crazy jealousy. It's only been 6 days since moving, so the dynamic could change in an instant.

Girls chase boards, what's your take? How should I keep this fling going? And how can I avoid feelings of hurt down the line?

Space Monkey
Space Monkey
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Oct 05, 2019 12:03 pm

Re: Sleeping with Flatmate

Postby JacobPalmer » Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:52 am

Wow, this is an interesting scenario, and a tough one at that. Kindof sounds like you're already catching feelings for her, and I think they way both of you are acting is very dramatic, to be honest. If you want to keep this as a fling then just be cool with her, treat her like a friend with benefits, but you obviously can't get jealous when she brings up other guys.

You're probably not going to be able to avoid getting feelings for her down the line unless you have a bunch of women that you're seeing. But then it's going to get a bit dangerous if she sees you with girls all the time, as she may get super jealous (although that's not always a bad thing).

My advice is this: talk to her more, go over details about what each of you can expect/want/don't want (keep it a bit fun though), draw up some boundaries (these are all personalised to you and her). But you could also try exploring with her more - threesomes etc. As long as you two know each others limits about what's ok and what's not, then neither of you will get caught off guard or get hurt (or theres at least less of a chance to get hurt).

This is a variation of what I tell girls who I'm seeing if they ask, and always seems to go well when it's all laid out on the table.

SIDE NOTE: The other option is to just play it super cool, but keep in mind that this method will bring a lot more games on both of your parts, and could be very dramatic. AND, if you lose your cool, she'll know she has you at that point.

Space Monkey
Space Monkey
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:24 am

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