LR  Naughty Nerdy Girl

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
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Feb 13, 2013
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I thought in Alex’s LR here, that the way he uses the topic of adult books as a means to transition to sex talk was pretty damn awesome. To enter a dirty conversation with a girl very early in an interaction so as to create the sexual frame almost right from the beginning, is awe inspiring. Another aspect of Alex’s LR that I enjoyed was that he names his characters sort of like Tucker Max would. Since that was entertaining to me, I’m going to go ahead and steal that one too… ;) Anyway, the other night I got into a conversation with a sexy blonde, and somewhere near the beginning of the encounter, I mentioned the book (Fifty Shades of Grey).

I was out for drinks Saturday night. I had waited until around 11:30 to head out. I like to arrive later than most folks, as I'll have drank far less and have my faculties about me still. I also tend to have better judgment when I drink less, therefore not taking home girls that make me want to burn my clothes in a trashcan while scrubbing myself like a rape victim in the shower a la Ace Ventura.

My attire for the evening is a nice fitting pair of dark-colored Abercrombie jeans, dark brown flat-nosed dress shoes, and a black and grey Versace polo. I have my hair spiked up a little (think comedian Dane Cook circa 2008 except shorter on the sides). I don't wear cologne anymore after reading Chase’s article on male scent here.

As I walk in, the place is about half full. Which is a little weird for a Saturday, but summer is winding down so people maybe camping or at the lake or on vacation or something. Anyhow, I see my friend Shitstarter at a table with another guy I’m somewhat familiar with, Catfish, and two girls, one of which I know fairly well because she used to date a good friend of mine. The first girl, the one I know, is 80sHair. The other girl, who I’m about to make my target, is NaughtyTeacher. Then, there is another guy who is sort of awkwardly hovering by the table but not participating in the group.

I approach their table and make conversation with Shitstarter:

Me: Hey fuckstain, where is everybody tonight?
Shitstarter: Right here, dickweed. Go get me a beer. (we always call each crude names and give each other pretend orders and demands; it’s just what we do)
Me: Ha. Do I look like your beer maid? Last time I bought you a drink, I think it was your birthday, and you threw up in the back of my truck and shit your pants.
Shitstarter: Dude, I have never shit my pants.
Me: Well, ok but all the rest is true (smile)
Me: (to the girls, who are now focused on Shitstarter and I ) How are you ladies doing this evening? 80sHair, I haven’t seen you since ____’s birthday party out at the lake.
80sHair: I know! That was like a couple months ago. Are you still dating that cute girl that was with you, what was her name?
Me: No, no. She was just a friend, well more than a friend, but you know what I’m saying.
Shitstarter: NJ can’t keep a woman around for more than a week until she gets tired of his tiny dick and smelling his spinach farts.
Me: (smirking) Keeping them around, or not keeping them around, at least I know what a vagina feels like.
Shitstarter: (laughing) Fuck off, man.

(NaughtyTeacher and Catfish are sitting across from each other, seemingly deep in their own conversation)

Me: 80sHair, who is your friend here? (her friend hears me and looks up at me and smiles)
Girls (simultaneously): This is / I’m [name]!
Me: (lean over 80sHair and shake her hand) I’m NJ, didn’t know who you were and just wanted to say hi. Anyway (to everyone), who needs drinks?!

Of course everyone wants a drink, since they know I’m buying, except for NaughtyTeacher who says “I’m fine, thanks!”, likely because she is being nice since she doesn’t know me. I find out from everyone what I’m ordering and walk off and go get a round, and I buy her a drink anyway (she was drinking a Bud Light, so I just got her one of those). I make some conversation with a middle-aged couple while waiting for the drinks. Not important whatsoever, but I like to be constantly engaged with people. Constantly vibing and interacting with others.

I return to the table and Catfish is gone so I sit where he was sitting next to Shitstarter. NaughtyTeacher tells me thank you for the drink, and I said I figured she’d need one eventually even though she said not to bring one back for her. She is wearing a bright green shirt with no sleeves, and has medium-length blonde hair that rests just past her shoulders, and glasses (hence NaughtyTeacher). Very pretty face, and I’m thinking I’d like to see her stand up. I make a little back and forth with her, where she’s from and what she’s doing here and how she knows 80sHair and a few other things.

Eventually Catfish comes back and I offer to get up so he can have his seat back. He says no, no you’re good and I say I was getting up anyway to use the restroom. I get up and he sits back down. I walk off to the restroom and bump into another group of which I know maybe 3 or 4 people out of the several of them. I explain that I need to use the restroom real quick and that I will be right back. As I walk out of the restroom, NaughtyTeacher is headed my direction. She has a black skirt on with her bright green shirt and high heels. She is much, much more sexier than I would have expected. Her legs look very muscular and powerful. I actually love that, and prefer nicely built athletic looking women over the super-slender model body types. We make eye contact and she smiles, and when she’s in earshot distance I say to her “You just had to come find me, didn’t you?” and she laughs and says “In the bathroom, right!” and I smile and tell her I’ve already been kicked out of the women’s bathroom by management here enough as it is, and she laughs and swats my shoulder and goes in the bathroom.

I stop and talk to the few people that I saw before using the restroom, and as I’m talking to them I keep thinking about how sexy NaughtyTeacher is. Unbeknownst seemingly to myself even, I had made her my target the instant I saw her walking toward me by the bathrooms. It was slowly sinking in that I needed to get back with the other group and try to get my hooks in her. Catfish is a little, short, fat guy who at 26 years of age has probably never had a girlfriend in his life. But I should be worried about Shitstarter, he’s actually pretty good with women. And with this new, unseen woman here at the bar there would be many other possible suitors for her that could sweep in at a moment’s notice.

I go back to the table. I pull up a chair on the other side of NaughtyTeacher, and they have a shaker full of shots (Vegas bombs). She says “hey” as I sit and offers me one. I smile and say thank you, and she hands it to me and spills a little bit over the side onto her finger. She smiles and says oopsie! and licks the cocktail off her fingers. It was so sexy it almost made me hard just sitting there. Everyone else has their shots up, as I lean into the group to cheers everyone I place my hand on NaughtyTeacher’s shoulder and lean forward a bit. She turns to me and smiles warmly, then quickly turns her head. Shitstarter starts to do a toast, and 80sHair interrupts him and (speaking louder than he) says her own toast: “Here’s to me and here’s to you. And if you disagree, then fuck you and here’s to me!” and we do the shots. There’s roughly 16-18 shots in a shaker, so there are more of the little cups and 80sHair is filling all the rest of them up in a big line on the table.

I open my phone to check text messages. I am going to send a funny pic to someone and open my photos and slowly scroll through them. NaughtyTeacher is watching me:

NaughtyTeacher: “I don't mean to be creeping your pics, but are those taken at (dive bar)?”
Me: “Yeah haha we were shithoused. Not really sure what we were doing there!”
Me: “So anyway you were saying you’ve known 80sHair for a long time?”
NaughtyTeacher: “80sHair is one of my best friends, I've known her since I was little. How did you meet her?” (here she’s checking to make sure she isn't moving in on her friends man meat)
Me: “That’s a good question. I don't know really. Just from being around. I think we just have a lot of mutual friends.”
NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah I knew you looked familiar. Who do you hang out with, if you don't mind me asking? I know a few people around here.” (Love it when girls ask me for permission to do simple shit like ask me a question)
Me: “Whoever I guess. If you've seen me out before I was probably with [list off 3 or 4 people]
NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah I know all of them. I wonder how we’ve never met!”
Me: “Yeah no kidding right?”
NaughtyTeacher: “Is your last name _____?”
Me: “Yeah, what kind of detective work did we do to come up with that info?” (Smile)
NaughtyTeacher: (Laughing) “80sHair told me!”
Me: “You been talking to 80sHair about me! Now how are we supposed to lie and tell everyone we met at church? Way to blow our cover, NaughtyTeacher geeeez!!”
NaughtyTeacher: “Haha you're silly. I'm glad you came back over here because that one guy that was just standing here started getting super creepy! (Referring to CreepyHoveringGuy from earlier)
Me: “What? Seriously, how?”
NaughtyTeacher: “He (insert short rant) and then he told me I had a delicious ass!! Can you believe he said that to me? And he's married!! Ugh!”
Me: “Maybe he wants you to jump in the sack with him and his ol’ lady” (smirk)
NaughtyTeacher: “Ewww no way!!!” (hits me)
Me: “Psssht, you girls always say that and then go home and read all your 50 shades of grey books.”
NaughtyTeacher: (Uncontrollable laughter, grabs my arm with both hands) “hahahahaha well that book is definitely a tempting must-have for all women!”

*** Here we talk about the book, sex acts, etcetera for a while (maybe 15 minutes), and the very last exchange goes as follows ***

NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah and the reason why they write books about it is because stuff like that never ever happens.” (laughs)
Me: “You mean like never to anyone, or just to you? I happen to be very expressive sexually. I love making women feel liberated. It’s rewarding.” (smile)
NaughtyTeacher: “I don’t know, its just that I act different with different guys I guess. I was in a 3 year relationship until like last fall and he just never did anything like that with me.”
Me: “Well that’s because most men don’t realize that women don’t just read stuff like Fifty Shades, they want to experience it too.”
NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah I think you’re right, like even guys that say how much they love sex and they like all this kinky shit, and then I get with them and it’s like… well… just nothing special!” (laughs) “You’re not like that, are you?” (I take this as her telling me she wants to find out)

*here, I'm about to fuck up- so I don't say anything and I pretend that something else captured my attention slightly to my right*

Me: (turning back to her) “Hey, lets go outside. Away from everyone else.”
NaughtyTeacher: “Ok” (no smile whatsoever, extremely serious look on her face like she knows its “business time”, gets up, grabs her purse)

We talk as we’re walking outside, as she walks out the door I place my hand on her lower back. There’s a picnic table outside, I say “lets have a seat there for a minute” and I let her sit and when I sit down I make sure I’m very close to her. I put my hand right down on her leg immediately and with some really locked-in, sexy eye contact I say to her that she has really pretty eyes. I push her hair back over her shoulder, put my hand behind her neck and pull her face toward mine and she closes her eyes for a kiss but I instead whisper into her ear “I’m really glad I met another 50 Shades fan” and laugh mildly. Earlier I had commented that I had not read the book, had started to read it, but thought it was shitty book other than the parts about fucking and thus never completed it, so she senses the sarcasm and says “you’re too funny” and kind of slaps her hand down on my thigh. We chat for another minute or two and I say that I am getting hungry, and ask if she wants to go get food. She says she does and we hop in my truck. I say that most everything is closed and I have stuff to eat at my house. She is readily accepting and tells me she has to text 80sHair and tell her blah blah, and then asks how far it is. To which, I just say it’s about 10 minutes away.

I’m about 90 percent sure I’m going to be fucking her at this point, and I start to figuratively punch myself in the groin because I’ve talked about all this kinky shit and probably raised expectations to a very high level for her.

Once we get to my house, I ask her to take her shoes off and we go inside and she asks if I have anything to drink here. I start naming things off, “water, diet coke, powerade” and she’s like “no, like alcohol” (she wants to use the alcohol as an excuse for what we’re about to do). I make us drinks and put a frozen pizza in the oven and tell her to come with me. We walk through the kitchen and I turn on the television and tell her she can have a seat on the couch. I go and sit down next to her, and we’re slightly facing each other. We talk for a few minutes, and she reaches for her drink on the table and I grab her hand out of mid-air and she looks at me surprised. I take my other hand, grab her chin and lift it up and plant a kiss on her softly. I pull my head back and look into her eyes. She then attacks me passionately, and in order to keep this short I won’t go into too much detail. But, I do not get any LMR at all and I remove her skirt and underwear and give her oral for about 10-15 minutes until she orgasms. I then fuck her on the couch for about 20-30 minutes in a few of my favorite non-conventional positions that work well on a sofa. We eventually move to the bed and I fuck her in a couple more positions that exhibit male dominance for another 20-30 minutes. We then 69 for another 10-15 minutes, and I eventually bend her over my dresser and pound her forcefully until I’m ready to cum, which I then pull out of her, push her down onto the floor on her knees and blow my load on her face, just like in a porno movie.

I smell something burning. It's the pizza. We both start laughing hysterically and I bolt into the kitchen.

I didn’t bust out any sex toys, or tie her up or anything, but hopefully she had as good of a time as I did ;)


NJ
 

TomGray

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jun 11, 2013
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Me: “Yeah, what kind of detective work did WE do to come up with that info?” (Smile)
I noticed that you used the "we" instead of the "you" in order to make her implicitly feel that you two are on the same side or are a team. Very stealthy. And, of course, a great lay report. How much time in total did you stay in the bar talking before you took her outside?
 

stratvm

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Tom Gray`s question was the first one that i wanted to ask, it wasnt more than 2hours i suppose right?

NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah I think you’re right, like even guys that say how much they love sex and they like all this kinky shit, and then I get with them and it’s like… well… just nothing special!” (laughs) “You’re not like that, are you?” (I take this as her telling me she wants to find out)

*here, I'm about to fuck up- so I don't say anything and I pretend that something else captured my attention slightly to my right*

why did you think you were about to fuck up?

We chat for another minute or two and I say that I am getting hungry, and ask if she wants to go get food. She says she does and we hop in my truck. I say that most everything is closed and I have stuff to eat at my house. She is readily accepting and tells me she has to text 80sHair and tell her blah blah, and then asks how far it is. To which, I just say it’s about 10 minutes away.

this was a good response, will use it!

I like your LR`s NJ, has lots of useful info, thanks man!
 

NarrowJ

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Tom, Stratvm:

Tom Gray`s question was the first one that i wanted to ask, it wasnt more than 2hours i suppose right?

It was actually closer to 3 hours from introduction to taking her outside. The bars are 3 AM on weekends here, and it was probably around 2:15 when we were sitting on the picnic table. I remember the clock on the oven said 2:45 when I put the pizza in ;)


why did you think you were about to fuck up?

Well, I couldn't think of a good response to her question, although I was fairly certain what the purpose of her asking it was. So I opted to just deflect the actual question itself, while still moving things forward & hitting the escalation window by asking her to come somewhere more private with me.


NJ
 

Chase

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NJ-

You're posting up stats like LeBron James.

NarrowJ said:
Me: “You been talking to 80sHair about me! Now how are we supposed to lie and tell everyone we met at church? Way to blow our cover, NaughtyTeacher geeeez!!”

This... was both hilarious, and expert at taking something she said, amplifying it as her pursuing you, and then making her feel okay about it because you future projected the two of you having to explain how you met.

Great play here.

NarrowJ said:
Me: “Maybe he wants you to jump in the sack with him and his ol’ lady” (smirk)
NaughtyTeacher: “Ewww no way!!!” (hits me)
Me: “Psssht, you girls always say that and then go home and read all your 50 shades of grey books.”
NaughtyTeacher: (Uncontrollable laughter, grabs my arm with both hands) “hahahahaha well that book is definitely a tempting must-have for all women!”

Love it. This is one of those things to do in conversation that's always barrels of fun - trap the girl into going, "No way!" and then throw her a curve ball with a hilarious (and undeniable) counterexample that hits close to home - it's a nice little "gotcha!" move that's fun, funny, and shows you see right through the B.S. that she spins for most guys' fragile impressions of women.

NarrowJ said:
NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah and the reason why they write books about it is because stuff like that never ever happens.” (laughs)
Me: “You mean like never to anyone, or just to you? I happen to be very expressive sexually. I love making women feel liberated. It’s rewarding.” (smile)
NaughtyTeacher: “I don’t know, its just that I act different with different guys I guess. I was in a 3 year relationship until like last fall and he just never did anything like that with me.”
Me: “Well that’s because most men don’t realize that women don’t just read stuff like Fifty Shades, they want to experience it too.”
NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah I think you’re right, like even guys that say how much they love sex and they like all this kinky shit, and then I get with them and it’s like… well… just nothing special!” (laughs) “You’re not like that, are you?” (I take this as her telling me she wants to find out)

*here, I'm about to fuck up- so I don't say anything and I pretend that something else captured my attention slightly to my right*

This is an interesting bit. It starts off strong, and then it gets a little borderline, where you're qualifying yourself as a lover - I think the reason you started losing it is that you could've done a more effective job baiting her into asking about the things you wanted to tell her, so that it'd be her drawing the information out of you instead of you laying it bare on your own; e.g.:


  • NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah and the reason why they write books about it is because stuff like that never ever happens.” (laughs)

    NarrowJ: “Hey, speak for yourself! Although yeah I know, that stuff never happens for real life women, because real life men are stiff or stodgy or their idea of exciting sex is doggystyle on the couch.”

You had enough attraction built up by that point though that the qualifying didn't hurt you, and you sensed when she signaled she wanted to find out and instead of qualifying there, you just got her out of there.

Loved the little kiss tease on the bench, too.

NarrowJ said:
I’m about 90 percent sure I’m going to be fucking her at this point, and I start to figuratively punch myself in the groin because I’ve talked about all this kinky shit and probably raised expectations to a very high level for her.

The one downside of building up high sexual expectations... instead of a nice, relaxing, "Let's do whatever," it becomes a performance. Oh well... ends up being more memorable, for your trouble ;)

A few notes here: when you've promised girls kinky sex, and then it's time to deliver (and you're not really up for a whole kinky sex performance show), some of the quick ways I use for giving them a more exciting sexual experience without having to go totally crazy and bizarre:

  • Pick her up and throw her on the bed
  • Throw her clothes all over the room as you take them off
  • Take your own clothes off in a slow / sexy / striptease way
  • When taking her from behind, finger her anus
  • Yank on her hair
  • In missionary, hold her hands above her head with one of your hands

... and of course, a few different positions she's unlikely to have encountered before can help here too.

Well, nice report NJ, and nice momentum you've got going on!

Chase
 

NarrowJ

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NarrowJ said:
NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah and the reason why they write books about it is because stuff like that never ever happens.” (laughs)
Me: “You mean like never to anyone, or just to you? I happen to be very expressive sexually. I love making women feel liberated. It’s rewarding.” (smile)
NaughtyTeacher: “I don’t know, its just that I act different with different guys I guess. I was in a 3 year relationship until like last fall and he just never did anything like that with me.”
Me: “Well that’s because most men don’t realize that women don’t just read stuff like Fifty Shades, they want to experience it too.”
NaughtyTeacher: “Yeah I think you’re right, like even guys that say how much they love sex and they like all this kinky shit, and then I get with them and it’s like… well… just nothing special!” (laughs) “You’re not like that, are you?” (I take this as her telling me she wants to find out)

*here, I'm about to fuck up- so I don't say anything and I pretend that something else captured my attention slightly to my right*

Chase said:
This is an interesting bit. It starts off strong, and then it gets a little borderline, where you're qualifying yourself as a lover - I think the reason you started losing it is that you could've done a more effective job baiting her into asking about the things you wanted to tell her, so that it'd be her drawing the information out of you instead of you laying it bare on your own; e.g.:


Yeah, it felt like she started to think to herself "Oh... how disappointing. It seems like he may actually indeed be just like all the other guys" and gave me one last shot at it with the "You're not like that, are you?" question. I felt like (a) I didn't know how to respond verbally, but (b) I had to *do something* to move forward or it was going to ruin the frame. So, I just looked away and turned back slowly and told her to come outside with me, and when I did - she didn't hesitate :)

NJ
 

carpedm

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NJ,

this was my first time reading any LR, and it turned out to be a good place to start. I am going to venture out of the Beginner's boards more often and read LR's for sure. I must point out that you exhibit a Capote-esque ability to recall entire conversations, so kudos on that. Also, what you said about adopting someone else's practice of discussing adult books with girls was a great idea, and also using nicknames in your LR script made it a fun read.

Cheers
 
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